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09/24/2025 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

Posted on September 24, 2025 by scartsy15 Leave a comment

Oh, good the new 2004 Red Sox documentary has JFK and forced busing in it. I was scared they were going to leave those out.

Not sure if Coach Parcells should be purchasing green bananas when he goes to buy the groceries.

Jayson Tatum is now a spokesperson for Vertex Pharmaceuticals after using their new non-opioid pain drug, Journavx, following Achilles surgery. The FDA approved the drug earlier this year.

omfg it just dawned on me that we have a fantastic chance of getting a Lyss v Nai WNBA Finals, and if that wouldn’t be the best thing ever, I don’t even know what to say anymore.

Whenever there’s a Minihane live show, do the Minifans pick a Designated Survivor?

Red Sox are 5-2 now in minor league ballparks this season.

Jeff Hardy is aging in dog years.

Pats wore the throwback uniforms. Edelman rang the lighthouse bell; what more were they supposed to do?

Cakes are cooking for Joe Greene, Jerry Donahue, Gorgon Clapp, Emilio Castillo, Kristina Wayborn, Joseph P. Kennedy II, Hubie Brooks, Brad Bird, Kevin Sorbo, Allen Bestwick, Mike Phelan, Nia Vardalos, Rafael Palmeiro, Sean McNabb, Bernard Gilkey, Kevin Koslofski, Shawn Crahan, Megan Ward, Eddie George, Kyle Turley, Stephanie McMahon, Daniele Bennati, Drew Gooden, Ryan Briscoe, Paul Hamm, and Lisa Wang.

Alex Cora told the media Payton Tolle will pitch out of the bullpen for the remainder of the season.

2/3 of Irsay’s daughters… WOULD.

The homeless Athletics came into your house and beat YOU!

Fitchburg Line Diversion Reminder: Saturday, Sept. 27th & Sunday, Sept. 28th Red & Green Line subway service will replace regular Commuter Rail service between North Station and Porter. This allows for North Station Terminal Area Signal System Improvement work.

You HAVE to tag Jerry Thornton when you get a divorce. No way around it.

I have to wonder if Sal still would have created cancel culture all those years ago if he could have foreseen how it would eventually be used.

Bruins scoring goals in bunches, nice to see, even in preseason.

Tried to use AI to put together my fantasy football lineup for this weekend. Complete trash. Everyone’s jobs are safe.

‘I don’t want the bass loaded anymore?’ What an idiot Lou Meloni is. The term is ‘loaded diamond.’

Zolak’s pronunciation of “Steelers” isn’t triggering at all.

Hey mean and not for everyone gang, this week’s Phrase that Pays is, “It’s nothing scandalous, it’s just some broad on the internet.”

Wyomissing translates from the Lenape to ‘brook full of trull.’

I hope years of forced bicoastal living won’t place undue strain on Attorney Jackson’s marriage.

Dallas Braden seems like if Pat McAfee was in the Lumineers.

What if I don’t like Millwall? What then?

It’s almost like sportswriting attracts a disproportionate number of talentless losers.

Kirk Minihane might be retarded.

You’ve got “toss the egg yolk” money in this economy? Must be nice.

Walked into a strange cafe
No one there’s ever heard my name
Go to the bar, have a seat
Talk to that woman sittin’ next to me

She ask me in a voice so low,
She ask me if I come in here alone.
She ask me nicely, “Can I buy you a drink?”
You know I think she likes me, that’s what I think,
I think she likes me, that’s what I think.

Can someone who has covered the NFL longer than I explain why all nine Patriots-Steelers games from 1981 to 1995 were in Pittsburgh? Was there no rhyme or reason to NFL scheduling? Just going off vibes?

Kay Adams debuting the ‘bait for a gang initiation beatdown’ look is certainly a bold decision.

Kenny Anderson: wash cloth user.

Honk if you remember NASCL’s Enemies List.

I bet if they try even harder the media can make one more person care about the Tom Brady “conflict of interest” storyline.

Vocal fry in a male is very off-putting.

Whenever Donald Trump comes after one of Bill Simmons’ friends he stops talking about Belichick. So who’s to say whether him forcing ABC to cancel Jimmy Kimmel is a bad thing or not.

Also, I really wanna go 100% on this but…I can’t cancel Disney+…I just can’t. Marvel has a hold on me. Disney/Pixar movies have a hold on me. Shit, Hulu does somewhat too. And now with WWE moving their PLE’s there? Ugh. I’m sorry. I’m still 99% with everyone though!

It’s good to be on the good side of the crazy coworker.

Ramondre knows he has to be better!

Rub some dirt on it, David Fry. Walk it off. You’re okay.

Can you imagine Kendra Middleton going to the Big E? Hahahahaha zoinks!!

Best bet for the weekend: New England improves to 2-2.

*Bruce Allen Jr, the indispensable founder of the Boston Sports Media Watch website. A good man, a kind man, a tall man. Taken from us too soon*. *He will be greatly missed.*

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Joe Giza, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. Walk, Don’t Run.

*And there’s some leftover cake in the break room from THE BUTCHIE’S birthday yesterday.*

“Where are my blue cupcakes!?”

Don, it’s RAH SHERSHONNAH, so a SHONER TOVER to you and yours. And just so you know, the only state I’ll recognize is RED SOX NATION!

Football Cat’s Week 3 NFL Picks ’25

Posted on September 19, 2025 by naop Leave a comment

Happy Upton Bell Day!

Every September 19th all of Patriots Nation gather together with their family and friends to celebrate the legacy of their one time wunderkind General Manager Upton Bell. Back in February of 1971, Billy Sullivan hired the snot nosed 33 year old Bell to be his GM. The most memorable moment of Upton’s brief reign of terror was when he forgot to mail out contracts to all the team’s impending free agents, thus instantly granting them their freedom. The Upton Bell era came to an abrupt end in December 5, 1972 when he was unceremoniously fired after amassing a putrid 9 – 19 record. Sure that is a bad record, but really damning fact is that Upton was so incompetent that he never worked in the NFL again. Imagine how awful his reputation within the league must have been to never get another front office job. This was the son of former NFL Commissioner and Eagles owner/founder Bert Bell, and after being fired at the age of 35 his career in the league was over.

Today the 88 year old social media maven has morphed into a modern day Baron Hieronymus Karl Friedrich Freiherr von Münchhausen. The list of famous (all dead) people Upton has met includes Burt Reynolds, Jane Russell, Hedy Lamar, Elvis Presley, Frank Sinatra, Grace Kelly, Stephen Hawking, Patricia Neal, Jack Nicholson, Richard Nixon, Anthony Hopkins, Angie Dickerson, Arnold Palmer, Alan Shepard, Ted Turner, Seiji Ozawa, Donna Reed, Hedy Lamarr, Carely Simon, Yo Yo Ma and three (THREE!) Tuskegee Airmen. The list goes on and on. We didn’t even bother with listing the sports figures he claims to have known/discovered, but rest assured if they’re dead Upton claims he interacted with them.

And if Upton didn’t meet them, rest assured his mother did. Per Upton, his mom, Broadway “star” Frances Upton, had close encounters with Charles Lindbergh, James Cagney, Florenz Ziegfeld, George Gershwin, George Burns, Willie Mays, Babe Ruth, Lefty Gomez and Al Capone. According to Upton, when Bert Bell, his father, dropped dead Universal Pictures wanted to make a movie about him with Danny Thomas as the lead, but Frances turned it down (of course she did!). The aforementioned Bert Bell invented the NFL Draft, coined the phrase “On Any Given Sunday”, brought the entire Eagles team with him on his honeymoon, proposed local TV blackouts, and in 1958 came up with the idea of sudden death overtime – which is ironic because he dropped dead less than one year later while attending a football game.

So celebrate today the Upton way by forgetting to send out important legal documents on time, or by getting you rugs cleaned or by lying on social media about all the famous dead people you’ve interacted with. Happy 9-19 to all who celebrate!

Sunday Lunch Time
Falcons (-5.5) at Panthers
Black cats get slapped by Penix

Packers (-7.5) at Browns
Packko over Flacco

In 1935 Bert Bell invents the NFL draft. In 1948 Bert Bell invents prank calling potential draft picks.

Texans at Jaguars (-2)
Texicats hog tie spotted cats

Bengals at Vikings (-3)
Norsemen beat Burrow-less Bungles

Steelers (-1.5) at Patriots
Pat Patriot makes Rodgers see red

November 14, 1972 press conference with owner Billy Sullivan (right), interim head coach Phil Bengtson (center), lame duck GM Upton Bell (left). Disgraceful body language

Rams at Eagles (-3.5)
Philly rams LA

Jets at Buccaneers (-6.5)
Tampa takes the Todd Bowles Revenge Bowl

Colts (-4.5) at Titans
Tits whip Indianapolis Jones

Frances Upton in her only feature film role as Angie in ‘Night Work’ (1930). Francis loved to tell Upton about all the times she lost out on an acting job because she would not submit to the casting couch. Proving that lying is inherited.

Raiders at Commanders (-3.5)
The Raiders keep racking up frequent flyer miles but not wins

Sunday Dinner Time
Broncos at Chargers (-3)
Bolts best Broncos

Saints at Seahawks (-7.5)
Saints remain winless in Seattle

Upton saw Wilt Chamberlain play high school basketball and new he’d be a super star

Cowboys (-1) at Bears
Da Bears drop Da Boys

Cardinals at 49ers (-2.5)
Prospectors use the Pretty Red Birds as their canaries in the gold mine.

Sunday Prowl Time
Chiefs (-6) at Giants
Chiefs cut the Giants down to size

9 wins as Patriots GM work out to 1 win for every tooth

Monday Prowl Time
Lions at Ravens (-4.5)
Scary black birds tame the big cats

Football Cat lives in New Hampshire, enjoys watching football, and is a cat.

09/17/2025 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

Posted on September 17, 2025 by scartsy15 Leave a comment

*It always comes back to baseball, Danny. Robert Redford 1936-2025.*

First The Whammer, then Bump Bailey, and now Mr. Roy Hobbs? 2025 is clearing out the cast of The Natural.

I have as many FBS wins as Notre Dame this season and I’m not in the AP Top 25.

Well, to the good, in a couple of weeks Mike McDaniel will be able to use his Breitling watch to tell time.

So the show about the entertainment industry cleaned up at the Emmys? That never happens.

Tom Brady. A 24-year journey from from Mo Lewis to Mo Atta.

After Borregales missed 2 xp’s Patriots fans were ready to check him for disqualifying tattoos.

Too soon to call Carles Gil a coach killer?

Cakes are cooking for Phil Jackson, Fee Waybill, Cassandra Peterson, Rita Rudner, Scott Simpson, John Franco, Steve Clifford, Ty Tabor, Baz Luhrmann, Paul Feig, Bryan Singer, Kyle Chandler, Anastacia, Mark Brunell, David Reid, Rasheed Wallace, Jimmie Johnson, Flo Rida, Danny Haren, Eugenia Volodina, Alex Ovechkin, Mason Raymond, and Patrick Mahomes II.

Pablo Torre may be a strange lil fella who’s more obsessed with Jordon Hudson than Coach Bill himself, but he does seem to have Steve Ballmer dead to rights.

Cool limp, bro.

I hope Mike Reiss is going to demand a personal apology from the nepo GM for drafting Ja’Lynn Polk.

Red Line: Delays of about 15 minutes due to police activity at Harvard.

‘Wake Up Barstool?’ That just makes one think of all the Barstool Rohypnol ‘n Foam parties back in the day.

If the Red Sox lose out they will finish 82-80. They were 81-81 last year.

Stefon Diggs and Cardi will definitely have to play zone and not man with all them kids.

You can say anything you like
But you can’t touch the merchandise
She’ll give you every penny’s worth
But it will cost you a dollar first

You can step outside your little world
(Step outside your world)
You can talk to a pretty girl
She’s everything you dream about…

(But don’t fall in love) She’s a beauty
(She’s one in a million girl) One in a million girl
(Why would I lie?) Why would I lie?

Congratulations to WNBA KIA Most Improved Player Award Winner Veronica Burton.

Another 2004 Red Sox documentary in the offing? Who asked for that?

And that goes double for Nana Gary Myers’ book.

I’m not saying you fiddled with the thermostat, but I didn’t set the heat at 55 degrees and the AC at 80.

Honk if you remember the Montrealer train.

I wonder if Pablo Torre is going to investigate the Saudi Flag Football League.

David Pastrnak will be limited in the first few days for training camp with an undisclosed injury.

Molly Qerim is a free agent.

Best bet for the weekend: Christian Gonzalez’s hamstring keeps him inactive vs Pittsburgh.

*Perpetually skeptical as to CLNS. Charlie Kirk 1993-2025*

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Joe Giza, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. Apple bottom jeans, boots with the fur, and things of that nature.

*And Happy Birthday to British actress Ella Purnell.*

*I hope Fred isn’t listing his height as 6’1″ on Grindr.*

Football Cat’s Week 2 NFL Picks ’25

Posted on September 12, 2025 by naop Leave a comment

Can anyone of YOU beat Football Cat? The answer is a resounding “NO”. Despite what a nameless (brainless?) intern announced earlier this week. None of you (NONE OF YOU!) picked more winners in Week 1 than our beloved Football Cat. The faux “winner” picked 11 winners, mildly impressive for a human being. However, Football Cat picked 12 winners! TWELVE. This isn’t even advanced math like differential equations or, even worse, percentages (*gasp*). You don’t need to be a lonely pathetic ex-con finance manager working weekends selling unnecessary gap insurance to naive customers at your local car dealership to understand that 12 is greater than 11.

Don’t do the crime if you can’t do the time

Unfortunately we here at Football Cat World Headquarters have been forced to petition the courts for a temporary injunction against the distribution of the official The15 joke prize pack to Mr. Warren Dull’s aunt. We request Miss/Ms./Mrs. Dull, or her representatives, direct all inquiries to @SteveBosell15. We look forward to eventually awarding the official The15 joke prize pack to an actual winner… which will be never, because YOU can’t beat Football Cat! You just can’t, but you’re welcome to keep trying.

Email your picks to bjbsjournalintern@gmail.com (prior to kickoff of the first listed game) and our plucky squad of interns will make sure your entry is added to this week’s pool of contestants!

Look at the studio filled with glamorous merchandise

Good day and good luck!

Sunday Lunch Time
Jaguars at Bengals (-3.5)
Stripes over spots

Spots and stripes? That’s definitely advanced fashion

Giants at Cowboys (-5.5)
Pokes pop Pituitaries

Bears at Lions (-6.5)
Lions turn on their former handler

Rams (-5.5) at Titans
Horny sheep squash Tits

Patriots at Dolphins (-1.5)
Pats flounder against Phins

49ers (-2.5) at Saints
My good friend Mac is going to own in New Orleans

Mac and I will direct our laughter towards North Carolina (ha ha ha!)

Bills (-6.5) at Jets
Buffalo gets on the same page and orchestrate their attacks to perfection! The only thing McDermott is upset about is that this game wasn’t played on Thursday.

Seahawks at Steelers (-2.5)
Rodgers keeps rolling

Browns at Ravens (-11.5)
Black birds soar over Browns

Sunday Dinner Time
Broncos (-1.5) at Colts
Danny Dimes drops Denver

Panthers at Cardinals (-6.5)
Pretty Red Birds bludgeon Black Cats

Eagles at Chiefs (-1.5)
American Birds prove that their Super Bowl domination of those poor Native Americans was no fluke.

Sunday Prowl Time
Falcons at Vikings (-3.5)
Norsemen swallow up Penix

A hot dog is all the censors would allow us to use

Monday Prowl Time
Buccaneers at Texans (-2.5)
Texicans trounce Tampa

Monday Sleepy Time
Chargers (-3.5) at Raiders
Plugs short circuit the strip

Football Cat lives in New Hampshire, enjoys watching football, and is a cat.

Football Cat’s Week 1 NFL Picks ’25

Posted on September 5, 2025 by naop Leave a comment

Football Cat is tired from watching the Patriotic Birds play the Pokes.

Your long wait is finally over, and so is your Summah, football season is upon us! And this season is no ordinary season… this season YOU (yes, YOU!) get the opportunity to go head to head with our very own Feline Football Forecaster, the one, the only Football Cat!

One of our interns (I haven’t taken time to learn their names yet) outlined the rules in an earlier post.

The Cliff Notes version: If you can pick more winners than Football Cat you will be eligible to win a fabulous The15 Inside Joke Prize Pack! Email your picks to bjbsjournalintern@gmail.com (prior to kickoff of tonight’s game) and our plucky squad of interns will make sure your entry is added to this week’s pool of contestants! It’s that easy. All you have to lose is your self respect.

Which leaves us with the question… Can YOU beat Football Cat?

Sexta à Noite Prowl Time
Chiefs (-3) vs Chargers
“I play the beautiful game while I’m in Brazil
‘Cause everybody plays the beautiful game while I’m in Brazil
‘Cause it’s all we’ve ever wanted, and it’s all that you want still
Don’t you wanna play the beautiful game out in Brazil?”

Plugs shock Chiefs in the Southern Hemisphere’s Winter Classic

Pelé knew which game was the *real o jogo bonito*

Sunday Lunch Time
Buccaneers (-2) at Falcons
An opening week NFC South six pointer! Why wasn’t this on Sunday Night Football? Bucs win and all but clinch the division

Bengals (-6) at Browns
Stripey cats leave the Browns strewn across their litter box

Actually Cleveland is a really nice place… for me to poop on!

Dolphins at Colts (-1.5)
Ponies pop Porps

Panthers at Jaguars (-3)
Cat fight! Spotted cats send black cats home with two black eyes

Raiders at Patriots (-2.5)
Botox Brady’s team comes up short in the shadow of Tom’s tiny headed statue

Cardinals (-6.5) at Saints
Cardinals win the Holy War

Say two Hail Marys and one Act of Cat-trition (*uproarious laughter*)

Steelers (-3) at Jets
Men of Steel dominate in Metropolis

Krypto, Krytpo, Krypto! Why no love for Streaky the Supercat?

Giants at Commanders (-6)
I’m calling the president. Mr. President, we need the National Guard. We need as many men as you can spare because the Commanders are killing the Giants. Wait… what? They’re already here? Never mind.

My old Platoon Sergeant said the Guard was for pussies

Sunday Dinner Time
Titans at Broncos (-7.5)
Tits sag in the thin air

49ers (-2.5) at Seahawks
Fake Sea Birds rub Purrrdy the wrong way

Lions at Packers (-2.5)
Jungle Kings devour Meat Men

Texans at Rams (-2.5)
Horny sheep give Houston problems

Sunday Prowl Time
Ravens at Bills (-1.5)
Scary Black birds spook Hairy Cows

Monday Prowl Time
Vikings at Bears (-1.5)
Norsemen skin grizzlies

Football Cat lives in New Hampshire, enjoys watching football, and is a cat.

Week 1 – Beat Football Cat!

Posted on September 4, 2025 by TheIntern15 One comment

Can you pick more winners than our own Football Cat? If so, you become eligible to win prizes!

Simply pick who you think will win this week’s games. (Friday, Sunday and Monday only, Football Cat negotiated no non-holiday Thursdays) Pick more winners than FC, and you can win a The15 Inside Joke Prize Pack!

A BURNER ACCOUNT Tee Shirt!

A Jar of Fluff

and a KENO snapback hat!

(One winner per week. In the event of a tie, a winner will be chosen at random. Winners remail eligible to also win in future weeks.)

Here are this week’s NFL matchups:

Chiefs Chargers

Bucs Falcons

Bengals Browns

Dolphins Colts

Raiders Patriots

Cardinals Saints

Steelers Jets

Giants Commanders

Panthers Jaguars

Titans Broncos

49ers Seahawks

Lions Packers

Texans Rams

Ravens Bills

Vikings Bears Tiebreaker – total points

Email your picks to bjbsjournalintern@gmail.com (prior to kickoff of the first listed game) and our plucky squad of interns will make sure your entry is added to this week’s pool of contestants!

Good day and good luck!

08/27/2025 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

Posted on August 27, 2025 by scartsy15 Leave a comment

*Fake real Snoopy or real fake Snoopy? Here’s how to tell.*

Bill really should have done better with picks 29 thru 32 in the first round of the draft, caller.

I hope the young Red Sox players took note of Lowe’s textbook feet first slide into second on his double in the 7th.

Going to Philly for Kobe’s birthday is the ultimate “look at me” move.

Giving everyone a variation of the job title Dummy was a mistake on our part. The flow chart is very confusing.

Tim Hill of the New York Yankees has horse thief physiognomy.

John Dennis also gave himself over to a higher power in a Cracker Barrel parking lot.

Todd Choi just took to the official Fictional Friction account to dispel rumors he has retired from the band. It amazes me on a daily basis how much fake made up clickbait is out there every hour. And how many people believe it without considering the source and circulate it.

Not charging a error because the guy doesn’t touch the baseball is the dumbest logic on the planet.

Cakes are cooking for Chip Douglas, Tuesday Weld, G. W. Bailey, Barbara Bach, Charles Fleischer, Don Miguel Ruiz, Alex Lifeson, Peter Stormare, Derek Warwick, Robert Richardson, Bernhard Langer, Tom Ford, Downtown Julie Brown, Cesar Millan, Chandra Wilson, Jim Thome, Tony Kanal, Chris Imes, Mike Smith, Jonny Moseley, Mase, Sarah Chalke, Aaron Paul, Sarah Neufeld, Patrick J. Adams, and Breanna Stewart.

Why do dads NEVER sneeze at an appropriate volume?

The Miz deserves all his flowers, btw. Always entertaining. Solid matches. Main event. Mid card. Comedy. Ambassador. He’s valuable. #SmackDown

So Felger doesn’t talk to Jim Murray off the air? Stick tap to Mike for that.

Worcester Line Train 510 (5:45 am from Worcester) will terminate at Framingham today. Passengers will be accommodated by the next inbound train to depart Framingham Train 1512 (6:35 am from Framingham) will make all local stops.

The Moreno family in Saniago says hi.

Masataka Yoshida means ‘slow dribbler’ in Japanese.

Hey gang of yoked weirdos, this week’s Phrase that Pays is, “Yeah, go power wash the trees, I don’t give a fuck, just leave us alone.”

Someone told Fred Toucher that black is slimming and he just fucking ran with it.

A kid tangentially related to the Anaheim Ducks died of brain cancer. Shukri will be his biggest mourner once he finds out who this guy was.

physiognomy is just a phenomenal descriptor.

Whenever I see service dogs, they seem way happier than I would be if I were in their paws. If I were a dog I’d want to be lazy all day, the last thing I’d want to do is work. But I reckon they’re thrilled because it means they’re always included.

Has anyone in in history said, “man those lip fillers are hot”?

Red Sox will open the 2026 schedule in Cincinnati against the Reds March 26..

Vancouver – St Louis might have been the most fixed MLS game ever.

Kinda love Rajon Rondo forgoing his destiny of being an NBA coach to play flag football.

Love
Love will keep us together
Think of me, babe whenever
Some sweet-talking girl comes along
Singing his song
Don’t mess around
You just got to be strong

Just stop
‘Cause I really love you
Stop, I’ll be thinking of you
Look in my heart
And let love keep us together

I’m going to make this crystal clear for everyone in case it isn’t already: I cover Inter Miami. I am not a fan of Inter Miami. I report impartially on what the team does — whether it’s good, bad or in between. I’m not here to cheerlead, sugarcoat or do Inter Miami PR.

Honk if you remember Samuel Gompers.

If you get annoyed at the gym every day that’s on you at some point.

God don’t like ugly.

Am I supposed to know who the father/son guys are in the Gillette Labs razor commercial?

I love the in-game interviews with the ESL infielders.

Gotta feel for Shedeur & Shilo. Second generation professional athletes never can catch a break!

I’ll be honest, Mazz tweeting with replies turned off is a great troll job.

Neemias Queta. Owning.

It’s the 58th anniversary of Tartabull’s Throw. Good Red Sox fans know what that means.

Best bet for the weekend: college football being officially back with Week 1 action.

*We love BdlG but those sunglasses are wearing *her*.*

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. The summer’s out of reach.

And a happy birthday to American actress Alexa PenaVega.

08/20/2025 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

Posted on August 20, 2025 by scartsy15 Leave a comment

Haven’t the Jimmy Fund kids been through enough, why make them get interviewed by Dave O’Brien?

Steve Pagliuca is a class act who understood what it meant to represent our fandom as an owner on the NBA stage. I was disappointed he didn’t have the winning bid but this statement exudes the class he showed through his tenure as part owner. Thank you Pags!

ESPN shitting on the grave of Bert Bell will keep Upton Bell alive two more decades.

Say ‘there’s magic the the greens!’ a few more times TC.

Spending that beautiful Saturday inside because the Pats played at 1 is reminding me of all the awesome fall Sunday I’ll be inside all day because the Pats play at 1.

The coach’s challenges add to the quaint ambiance of the Little League World Series.

Watched the first episode of Hard Knocks with the Bills last night. Dion Dawkins spinning around in a race car with his young kids in the passenger seat is fucking insane. I need Felger to comment and get cancelled.

Apparently the Celtics marketing folks are trying to stay under the luxury tax as well.

Cakes are cooking for Don King, Dave Brock, Rich Brooks, Graig Nettles, Connie Chung, John Noble, Robert Plant, John Hiatt, Al Roker, Quinn Buckner, Joan Allen, Cindy Nicholas, Mark Langston, Duffy Waldorf, Jr., KRS-One, Andy Benes, Fred Durst, Ke Huy Kwan, Todd Helton, Misha Collins, Chris Drury, Andrew Garfield, Alex Newell, and Demi Lovato.

One thing Joe Burrow is going to do is stick with a drive mentally no matter what car wash he’s going through to get to the end zone and still score.

What’s the big deal here? Jesus is King.

Hey gang this week’s Phrase that Pays is, “As a mom of a boy, I need Donna Kelce to write a book on how to raise sons. INSTANT buy.”

The Cleveland Guardians are going to overtake the Red Sox despite selling at the trade deadline and having their relief ace intentionally lose.

Red Line: Delays of about 15 minutes due to a passenger requiring medical assistance at Harvard.

‘The Wheels on the Bus’ might be the most misogynistic song ever. All the women repeatedly tell their children “shhh” all through the town while the men adoringly say “I love you” to the kids instead. Truly a sad and misguided take on women’s relationships with their young boys and girls.

Ricardo Quaresma looks like he’s running for mayor of Swansea.

Back at the mirror, your good friend
Talkin’ to the mirror to play out your game
Stop in the middle, I stop then
Look at the winner and the price you pay
Mmm

Cold was the winter, I tremble
Long was the fall that had no end
Now little by little, the air clears
Little by little, I can breathe, I can breathe again

I can breathe again
I can breathe again now
Call your name, call your name
Call your name, call your name
Everything changes, everything changes
I call your name.

Paul Pierce said there was an “intense moment” between Kevin Garnett and Kendrick Perkins during a team meeting during the 2008-09 season.

A pitta me, carpe diem, de facto, it goes on and on like that, eck cetera.

OK new cellphone, maybe you have a point not liking the dollar store car charger. My bad.

The 2019 movie The Vault was pretty good, but the soundtrack was exemplary.

Lou Damn Merloni talking over and explaining cancer to a (checks notes) Oncology Specialist isn’t triggering at all.

I would go to a Big Head Todd and the Monsters show any day of the week.

The McCourty Twins as commentators for the Pats preseason is like getting one for the price of two! Because they sound the same.

Honk if you remember swimmer Janet Evans.

Do you tip at full-service gas stations?

Red Sox third base coach Kyle Hudson was probably thinking about how Braintree got eliminated from the LLWS when he held the runner.

Get well soon Sophie Cunningham.

I’m sure Upton will be happy when ESPN resolves the situation by issuing a 2 A.M. apology. Once.

When did they take Monument Park out of Williamsport?

A compelling case could be made for a polar bear effectively taking on an adult male elephant.

Best bet for the weekend: Coast Guard Search & Rescue missions.

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Joe Giza, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. She says your voice cannot command.

*And happy birthday to American actress Amy Adams. Alliteration!*

02/12/2025 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

Posted on February 12, 2025 by scartsy15 Leave a comment

*You stick your lip out like that a bird might land on it. An Eagle, perhaps.*

I’m told losing in the Super Bowl does irreparable damage to one’s legacy.

The arc of the moral universe is long, but bends toward justice for that awful Bundlerooski ad.

Congratulations to Boston University for a convincing Beanpot win.

Philly fans booed Santa Claus, Taylor. You’re in good company.

Holy shit. Don’t let the miserable cvnts suck the joy outta what you just watched. That was amazing.

How did Andy Reid find a shirt that is too big for him?

Who the hell directed that Tubi ad, David Cronenberg? My friend PlutoTV would never.

Love how fundamentally sound Knueppal and Flagg are.

I went to an Al Skinner camp when I was like 10 and he said I played like Henry Bibby.

Meg Ryan, you still got it, kid.

You know who would’ve loved watching that Super Bowl? Len Bias. Miss him everyday.

Cakes are cooking for Judy Blume, Maud Adams, Michael Ironside, Gil Moore, Michael McDonald, Joanna Kerns, Chet Lemon, Arsenio Hall, Brent Jones, Ed Lover, Michel Petit, Chynna Phillips, Josh Brolin, Darren Aronofsky, Lincoln Kennedy, Tara Strong, Cliff Bleszinski, Anna Benson, Christina Ricci, Gucci Mane, Juan Carlos Ferrero, Robert Griffin III,

Coop DeJean has great hands. Smart player. Like a coach out there. Just knows where to be. Underrated athlete.

My bank’s fraud protection department flagged my subscription renewal to MassLive, which doesn’t help my contention it is a real thing that actually exists.

Blue Line: Delays of about 10 minutes while a maintenance train inspects the overhead wires between Airport and Wonderland. Trains may stand by at stations.

Whoa, I think that’s “Big Dom!”

Is Mike Powell’s long jump world record effectively unbreakable now? Not that it couldn’t be broken, but the event no longer seems to be attracting the best athletes.

Hey gang who only skimmed the onboarding packet, this week’s Phrase that Pays is, “She’s eating vanilla cake like it’s her job.”

A Karen Read interview after the Super Bowl? Looks like Mahomes won’t be the only one shitting himself on Fox.

JD Davison is Michael Jordan of the G League.

Orange Line Reminder: Beginning at 8:30 PM Friday, February 14, through the end of service Monday, February 17 (Presidents’ Day). Shuttle Buses replace service between North Station and Oak Grove due to MassDOT bridge work.

Bruins should be sellers. But will probably be stand-patters.

Do Super Bowl touchdowns count for your stats if your opponent’s coach has already been doused in Gatorade?

Andy Reid looks like a laundry bag full of walnuts.

Red Sox Mgr. Alex Cora positive about this Red Sox team, “It’s a good team. A solid team. We should be OK!”

Dan Lifshatz is about two things: lying about his gambling exploits, being a fat piece of shit, and respecting women. Wait, that’s three things.

No three-peat also means Pat Riley loses out on a windfall.

I hope Philly fan appreciates winning a Super Bowl without first having the NFL change the scoring rules mid-game.

Biscuit joinery!

Does Mr. Dondero only tweet during free period? Or does he also do it while he’s patrolling the cafeteria?

Something’s at the edge of your mind
You don’t know what it is.
Something you were hoping to find
But you’re not sure what it is.
Then you hear the music
And it all comes crystal clear.
The music does the talking
Says the things you want to hear.

I’m young, I’m wild and I’m free.
Got the magic power of the music in me.
I’m young, I’m wild and I’m free.
Got the magic power of the music in me.

My lace curtain Irish grandmother always said I’d make a good potato farmer.

“Shaboozey” needs to be stopped.

Gold Glove winners in baseball can be divided into three categories: “really outstanding fielder”, “won it on reputation”, and “somebody has to get it.” I notice that the AL hasn’t really had a legit Gold Glove first baseman win the award since Teixeira in 2012.

I think at least two of the women in that Nike commercial are Josina Anderson.

Gonna be two Super Bowl blowout losses for Mahomes and Reid. Never happened to Brady and Belichick, Tone.

Honk if you remember an arbitrator declaring Carlton Fisk to be a free agent.

Rachid Meziane, you’ve got your work cut out for you.

Yeah, I don’t think Roc Nation is interested in putting on a country music Super Bowl halftime show. Sorrey!

Glen Powell is a smoke.

The New England Revolution concluded their training camp with a friendly match against USL Championship side Tampa Bay Rowdies, taking a 1-0 victory at IMG Academy in Bradenton, FL.

Jalen Hurts sure loves to be photographed being left alone.

A 38-point 10 rebound night from freshman Liam McNeeley? Just think how good he’s gonna be his senior year!

There’s definitely some buzz about the 2025 Red Sox. No, that’s just tinnitus.

Upton Bell is too modest to mention it, but Bert Bell founded the Philadelphia Eagles NFL Franchise. Bert Bell was Upton’s father.

Best bet for the weekend: no vaccine or treatment available for 4 Nations Face Off fever.

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Bill James, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. We do the walk. We do the walk of life.

*And happy birthday to actress Sarah Lancaster.*

Football Cat’s Pick for Super Bowl LIX

Posted on February 7, 2025 by naop Leave a comment

As we close the books on yet another record setting campaign of profitable professional pigskin prognostications, we here at Football Cat World Headquarters would like to reflect back on all the wonderful things that happened over the course of the season. Who can forget when that crazy thing happened to that guy on that team way back in September? And then that other thing came out of nowhere and caught everybody off guard. People are still talking about how we will never see something like that ever happen again! And don’t get me started on that wild and crazy thing that made headlines for days on end. The airwaves are still sizzling from all the hot takes. So many memorable moments, there a just too many to mention. What an unforgettable season!

And finally, a big shout out to the intern for always keeping the drinking water cool, his lap warm, the snack drawer full and the litter box empty. Imagine doing all that work for no pay and no college credit? We wish you the best of luck in all your future endeavors.

(Intern’s Note: What? )

To play us out, we turn the clock all the way back to 1966 when “The Happenings” were happening…
See you in September
See you when the summer’s through
Bye-bye, so long, farewell
Bye-bye, so long

SUNDAY DINNER TIME
Chiefs (-1.5) at Eagles
It started at the very first Thanksgiving, when William Brewster’s wife’s green bean casserole gave Hobbamock a severe case of gastroenteritis. And it’s been all downhill since then, from the Manhattan land deal, to small pox, to the Indian Removal Act of 1830, then the Battle of Wounded Knee and the Trail of Tears, all the way to the Indian Gaming Regulatory Act of 1988, and the cultural appropriation by Iron Eyes Cody, Chief Jay Strongbow and that guy in the Village People. For over 400 years, the American Birds have been continuously getting the better of the Indigenous Peoples. The subjugation will continue in New Orleans.