January – Gabby Starr of the Boston Herald is a Woman in Sports
The Boston Herald hired Gabrielle Starr as a Red Sox reporter, over our strong objections, and dispatched her on her first assignment to cover the Red Sox Winter Weekend in Springfield. Hilarity ensued:
What? You might ask, why not drive the five minutes to your hotel, and write your story ahead of the deadline, you know, for your job in a warm room using the hotel’s wifi? Because you won’t get any Margaret Bourke-White stolen valor doing that.
Adam Jones Moves from 98.5 to WEEI Afternoon Drive Time Cohost
Jones was reunited with Christian Arcand on the new show, which also boasted Meghan Ottolini as a cohost. Jones’s addition was part of a recent deck chair rearraigning at WEEI, which included saying aloha to afternoon host Lou Merloni, moving Christian Fauria from afternoon drive to middays, and banishing Rich Keefe from middays to evenings.
Oddly, in a head-to-head matchup the listeners preferred the actual Michael Felger to the Great Value version of him, leading to ratings low enough to implode a poorly constructed submersible with the loss of all hands. Figuratively.
February –Evil Tony Did a Racism
Tomy Masserotti thinks all Black people steal cars!
This admission against interest led to a short suspension for Mazz, and sensitivity training for the entire Beasley Boston group.
However, the promotion of Cerrone ‘Dark Bertrand’ Battle who previously was involved in sports podcasts and Celtics playoff postgame shows to nighttime and weekend programming contributor in June was purely coincidental.
Midcoast Maine Needs Starlink
Ostensible Boston Globe media columnist Chad ’98 point’ Finn would have liked to have covered the Racist Mazz story, he really would, but Midcoast Maine, where he was, had no internet. Sad. Fix it, Elno!
March – Chris Curtis Nip-Gate
‘Nip’ is both New England regional slang for 50 ml miniature liquor bottles, and a historic racial slur for those from Japan (Nippon) in particular and can be extended to include all Asians in general. Keep that in mind when Chris Curtis lists ‘Mina Kimes’ as one of his top Nips:
Curtis would later claim he meant to say Mila Kunis and not Mina Kimes. Right. This led to a week-long suspension for Curtis. All fix!
Just look at him. He said what he meant to say.
The League isn’t about Mike Giardi anymore
6 weeks ago, I was covering the Super Bowl for @nflnetwork. This week, I was informed that I'm being bought out as part of the long rumored budget cuts. I gave them my very best. I'll give the same going forward. Greatly appreciate those who believed in me. On to the next.
Giardi would later be picked up by Greg Bedard’s CLNS-underwritten vanity website BSJ in July.
May – Fred Toucher Misses Time at Work Due to Throat Issues, Quickie Little Stint in Detox.
Having lost his voice earlier that month due to ‘throat issues’, Toucher checked himself into the facility on Sunday for a 72-hour treatment. With Sunday and the holiday Monday not counting toward those hours, was released from the facility on Thursday morning, allowing him to return to work on Friday.
Going Great!
Shukri Wrights Place Wright Time
2023 was the year of Shukri Wrights. And Shukri Wright. And Shukri White. All Shukris everywhere really. And Shukri Wright(s) really was everywhere. The podcaster, early-30s college radio host, TikTok video maker, and Bleaver – finally got his big break, calling women’s college hockey on ESPN+ (they got his name correct in time for his last game). Then, in late spring, Shukri finally got his big break and booked several national radio call-ins that some people almost listened to on SportsMap Radio. The record-setting Bruins may have flamed out, but Shukri didn’t, finally getting his big break as the inaugural editor and beat reporter for the Boston Bruins page on The Hockey News. Shukri provided his unique coverage during the Bruins busy period after the free agent signing period but before training camp began, but got his big break covering the retirement of Bruins legend Patrice Bergeron. In true Shukri form, he didn’t write an article for his new media outlet, instead crossposting a TikTok video reaching dozens of younger fans via algorithm. His time at THN was short-lived though, as the New York native and lifelong-Beantownian left Boston before the season started for his hometown of Philadelphia in the Commonweath of Pennsylvania, It was there in the City of Brotherly Love that Shukri finally got his big break, becoming a contributor to Fox Sports PHL Gambler. In his spare time, Shukri likes to check out many great restaurant.
June – All Hat Nick Cattles Plumb Ain’t Rustled Up No Local Radio Job
Journeyman Nick Cattles, late of stints with 98.5, WEEI, and ESPN Radio departed his radio gig in the Golden State’s Capitol City, at the 50,000-Watt blowtorch Sactown Sports 1140 AM in order to spend more time with his family on the East Coast. Really. Nick had been there since 2021, also wearing the program director hat for a time.
Cattles could not have chosen a worse time, as it happened soon after another round of layoffs in sports media, particularly effecting ESPN and The Athletic. However, he still has his family and his podcast.
November – Toucher & Rich Done For Good
Sports Hub stalwarts since Day 1 back in 2009, Fred ‘Toucher’ Toettcher and Richard ‘Rich’ Shertenlieb’s slow-motion conscious uncoupling became official late in November with the announcement that Fred signed a contract extension, while Rich chose not to do the same. One Rob ‘Hardy’ Poole will replace Rich in 2024.
Thanks go out to the entire Local Collaborative, and especially to Officer Santos, Rex Dart, andthe unaffiliated (Sideshow Bob groan) ‘Cully’ for their contributions to this post.
It’s never bad to beat the Broncos in Denver. Way to bounce back, Ryland.
Nice west coast road trip, Green Team.
It’d be a pleasant way to end that losing skid with a W against a Buffalo squad, Bruins.
I thought Tatum would have a nicer house, tbh.
Wonder if Red Sox told Yamamoto their ballpark is most beloved.
Jack Edwards is doing totally fine. Stop asking about him.
Congratulations to ‘Hardy’ for finally making above minimum wage after 25 years in radio.
Fun fact: The wild turkey was designated the state game bird of the Commonwealth of Massachusetts thirty-two years ago today.
Turtleboy goes before A Judge more than Gleyber Torres.
Cakes are cooking for John Amos, Mike Pinder, Terry Bozzio, Andre Tippett, Bill Self, Jim Leyritz, Bill Goldberg, Jean-Christophe Boullion, James Stewart, Carson Palmer, Emilie de Ravin, Paul Stastny, Hayley Williams, Rick Porcello, and Timothée Chalamet.
Started spur-of-the-moment (and way overdue) re-watch of one of HBO’s best, “Six Feet Under”. On 2nd viewing, you pick up on so much shit you missed the first time (& spot future stars). Such a unique premise with fantastic writing/acting, as well as perhaps the best finale ever. My only complaint: the show needed more Percocet.
The New Year is really right around the corner. I’m very excited.
Teams fuck themselves up attacking Hauser like he’s some traffic cone and turns out he isn’t. It’s like when the Celtics mismatch hunt and then struggle scoring because they aren’t playing within their offense.
Hi Upton, I just wondered if you had a personal anecdote about any famous event that happened in America in the 20th century?
Just thought of a random dark Curb Your Enthusiasm-esk bit … Larry wins a fantasy football league where one of his friends died during the season, tries to collect from the widow.
Red Line Update: This delay has cleared.
Hey gang of deceptively athletic types, this week’s Phrase that Pays is, “Do I have to draw you a picture? Fine. Hand me the peach crayon.”
I didn’t need my bank wishing me a Merry Christmas via email. I need them to just be quiet and hold onto my money.
Emile Coué + Oswald Bates = FCHWPO
I had a pair of the K-Mart fake Adidas with the five stripes when I was little. I would like to be in the documentary.
Holiday traffic really kills the holiday spirit.
There’s a coinflip’s chance Robert does something stupid because he’s miffed no one ever called him a genius or The GOAT.
Random thought/question: Anyone remember Pizzarias chips from Keebler? Those things were so good. They should bring them back!
Why do we never get an answer when we’re knocking at the door? Because the truth, it’s hard to swallow, that’s what the war of love is for
It’s not the way that you say it, When you do those things to me. It’s more the way that you mean it, When you tell me what will be.
And when you stop and think about it, You won’t believe it’s true. That all the love you’ve been giving, Has all been meant for you.
I’m looking for someone to change my life. I’m looking for a miracle in my life. And if you could see what it’s done to me To lose the the love I knew could safely lead me through.
Add Paxton, and Giolito, and a few more pieces, and we’ll be all ready for 2024!
“My sister was molested and all I got was this lousy excuse to drink” is a tee shirt you can find at Hampton Beach.
To the good, Aidan has a hairstyle that can be trimmed competently using only electric clippers.
Did the Lakers get that stupid IST champion banner from a company in Indianapolis?
You see, because..
The NFL let the Chiefs play too many games over the last five seasons on purpose to make them tired!
Wander Franco is now Evade Franco. Sad.
Honk if you remember when almost everything you wanted but didn’t get for Christmas was on sale now at Sears!
Hearing whispers everyone employed by that CONSONANTS vanity site have applied for the vacancy at 98.5.
Nemesis follows hubris, chudmuffins.
Go out and get that Washington Football Team a pair of wins, embedded Patriot Jacoby Brissett!
The comparison between Mike Trout and Mookie Betts is in several ways a replay of the competition between Mantle and Mays. Mantle won in the short run; Mays won in the long run–and it kind of looks like this one is going to go the same way.
Why is Servpro the sponsor of the First Responder Bowl?
Celibate Midget benched, Old Friend Stihdsy to get the first team reps the final two games for the Broncos.
Have a safe, happy, and at worst, mildly tipsy New Year’s Eve.
Best bet for the weekend: an entertaining Orange Bowl.
Nice shirt, stupid.
Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Bill James, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. What are words for, when no one listens anymore?
And a happy birthday to actress & model Eva LaRue. Wonder if she had a nickname?
False: You’re 33 and live in your mother’s basement.
In a word my friends?
Bullshit.
Ironhead wishing death on Roger Clemens like he’s Bin Laden is like the sun coming up over Narragansett Sound.
Does @sofascout1 put human hair in mason jars, and hide it in the basement? Probably.
Will Scartsy always slide by with a wink and a nod?
Undoubtably.
It doesn’t matter. BJBSJ trucks in the mud with some of the most feckless human beings in the world: professional sports media. They count on you not being ready to get down on their level and crawl on your belly. Well, we will.
Although we’ll never wish death on a listener’s child, like 98.5’s Big Jim Murray did, we will happily keep Scott Kacsmar unemployed and heavy in his mother’s racist basement for as long as it takes.
(Originally published February 19, 2019 by DesignatedKyle at BJBSJournal.com)
The days between the NFL’s conference championship games and the Super Bowl turn the sports media landscape into a desolate wasteland. The Pro Bowl sucks and everyone knows it, but writing about how much the Pro Bowl sucks is pointless because everyone knows it. In late January the NBA hasn’t even reached the All-Star Break. College football’s long gone. College hoops are somewhat interesting but there’s only so many ways you can write “ZION OMG” before it gets old. Spring Training hasn’t arrived, and until it does the baseball people are hunched over in a corner murmuring about problems with free agency and snarkily Tweeting about other sports.
Those dead days before the Big Game are wide open prey for anyone who wants them. In 2019, I’m proud to say that BJBSJ pounced.
Meanwhile, in some forgotten corner of Pittsburgh, where poorly-patched streets front peeled-paint houses, Ska Katsfart was doing some pouncing of his own. For several days in a row, this Football Outsider was click-clacking away at all hours of the night, engaged in a strange kind of warfare. Anyone that dared question his football claims was in danger.
I won’t go into detail about the content of his arguments that week because it is irrelevant to the story. His delivery of his claims was problematic, and those vicious barbs reflected a past pattern of behavior that was soon to be brought to light.
About a year or so ago, the Outsider verbally attacked a Twitter acquaintance of mine. The victim, who will only be referred to as the Rabbit, simply questioned the veracity of one of Mr. Kickball’s provocative claims. The football analyst and FiveThirtyEight contributor proceeded to tell Rabbit to “fist” himself. Twitter is a vulgar place, so the issue isn’t necessarily language; the real problem was a nationally-known writer lashing out at his critics with remarkable cruelty, and getting away with it. Other users have confirmed with me and my colleagues that they have been similarly treated by Kiksmall.
Flash forward to the final days of January 2019.
In the midst of Karsmack’s days-long jihad against anonymous Twitter critics, BJBSJ’s investigative unit uncovered a racially-charged (if not straight up racist) Tweet he sent a few years ago. It wasn’t long until another problematic Tweet popped up. Then another.
This went on for about and hour or so. It doesn’t take very long to go into Twitter’s archive. This was anything but a planned out “smear” like he would later insist.
I’m positive that we discovered less than half of what was there before Kicksma decided to cleanse his feed. After compiling our findings, I released the racist Tweets to the public. My colleagues spread the story across Twitter, but several hours passed before it was picked up Robert Littal’s Black Sports Online.
Kokesmell and his employer gave no comment until late that night, when he posted an apology to his Twitter feed. Of course, by apology I mean that he said he was sorry anybody took offense to his Tweets, not for the Tweets themselves.
The “apology” wasn’t enough for Football Outsiders, either. On an El Paso radio station, Kankersore shared the news that he had been fired.
Soon, Awful Announcing had an article up. BJBSJ (“a news organization that doesn’t even have a website” according to Kedsmer) had broken the biggest media story of Super Bowl week. Please disregard the Minifans who say their idol had some kind of impact in Atlanta.
A day or two later, Kazmir penned a lengthy harangue against BJBSJ. He attempted to explain away every single Tweet that had been released to the public, but failed miserably. He even included the laughable assertion that the only reason people found his Tweets offensive was because they disagreed with his football opinions. The level of arrogance is simply astounding. I’m not going to link it because I want to spare you, dear reader, from having to see such a pathetic display. As appears to be his custom, he played the victim. Bitch, you wrote the Tweets, not me.
The Immaculate Grid, Boston sports media edition will return with new grids after the Christmas and New Year’s Day holidays. Until then, enjoy the winners from the first eight weeks.
Yvonne Craig wishes you all a Merry Christmas. Even if she knows you were naughty. Oh yes, she knows.
Winnable games this week lost by the P’s, B’s, and C’s. Less than ideal.
I might have been inclined, myself, to regard a coffin-nail as the deadest piece of ironmongery in the trade. But the wisdom of our ancestors is in the simile.
Keep your head down for 25 years and you too can receive a too-late promotion in a dying industry.
Welcome to New England, two-time MLS Cup winning coach Caleb Porter.
There hasn’t been a good new Christmas song since 1992.
Looking for a last-minute Christmas gift? Consider a pound or two of Callahan Coffee: it’s dark and delicious and as a bonus a portion of each purchase is donated to keep a needy Russian conscript fighting in Ukraine for another six days!
Maybe name your burner something other than Andrew.
Cakes are cooking for Peter Criss, Dick Wolf, Uri Geller, Alan Parsons, Cecil Cooper, Anita Ward, Joyce Hyser, Nate Newton, Aubrey Huff, Jonah Hill, Lucy Pinder, Jojo Levesque, and Kylian Mbappé.
“Damontae Kazee” sounds like something a vaudevillian magician would shout before he made his lovely assistant disappear.
This Iceland volcano shit is insane, kid. It’s gon’ be ugly when Ma Nature has that big-ass, lava-spewing, Earth-shaking ultimate orgasm. Just another reason to #BuyPhysicalMedia.
I never realized how many loser fans Ted Johnson has.
Not saying there is a prejudice against Japanese pitchers, but the Sox got Koji Uehara cheap in 2013 because people said he couldn’t close games and couldn’t pitch on consecutive days. He closed, pitched on consecutive days and had a 1.09 ERA, 10-1 strikeout/walk ratio.
Call me Jayson Tatum: I love hitting 3s.
Hey gang of nonprime numbers, this week’s Phrase that Pays is, “Hug your penguins a little tightah.”
Everybody has a price. Cerrone Battle’s is just really low.
One could scarcely help fancying it must have run there when it was a young house, playing at hide-and-seek with other houses, and have forgotten the way out again.
I could never say “Courvoisier, please” to a bartender.
Can you have offered Yoshinobu Yamamoto $300 million and then not have offered him $300 million?
Green Line D Branch Reminder: Shuttle Buses replace service between Riverside and Kenmore due to track work. Regular service will resume on December 21.
UConn Men’s BB holding steady at #5 in the AP Poll.
The modern-day equivalent of “don’t trust anyone over 40” is “everyone under 40 is mentally irregular”.
I’m not hearing Boston sports talk being done differently. At all.
It’s okay to not be okay, J.C. Jackson.
I hear Cashman is working on a trade for Connor Wong next. Then will try to package Wong, Downs, and Alex Verdugo to LA for Mookie Betts. BWAHAHAHAHAHA!!
Hardy goes from being the third guy on the midday to being the solo host next time Toucher has a relapse of (cough) “throat issues”.
SMARTEN UP
‘Electeds of Color’ sounds like a kick ass band name.
You can ring my bell, you can ring my bell Ding, dong, ding, ah-ah, ring it You can ring my bell, anytime, anywhere Ring it, ring it, ring it, ring it, oww You can ring my bell, you can ring my bell Ding, dong, ding, ah-ah, ring it You can ring my bell, anytime, anywhere Ring it, ring it.
It is required of every man, that the spirit within him should walk abroad among his fellowmen, and travel far and wide; and if that spirit goes not forth in life, it is condemned to do so after death.
Joansies’ ratings are so low they’re all RT’ing and favoriting ballwasher posts.
Society has progressed past the need for Zack Snyder movies and/or multiple bad cuts of said movies.
So you are telling me ‘Hardy’ and ‘Sarge’ are different people? If you say so.
Honk if you remember the Sears Wish Book. And honk twice if you remember Old Fezziwig.
If the local media could kindly stop trying to press a gold watch into Belichick’s palm and push him out onto a waiting ice floe that would be great.
Oh God! to hear the Insect on the leaf pronouncing on the too much life among his hungry brothers in the dust!
Looking for a last-minute Christmas gift for that hockey fan in your life? Try Tough Guys by Dale Arnold (Triumph). He profiles a long list of NHL’s enforcers, who talk about their peculiar roles. Among his subjects: Chris Nilan, Jay Miller, Terry O’Reilly and P.J. Stock. It’s a revealing read into an increasingly rare subculture and comes recommended.
So apparently the frails don’t like being called broads. Who knew?
MLS dropping out of the US Open Cup tells you everything about that league. The only real and historical piece of US Soccer and they ask out.
Referring to drug and alcohol abuse as “self-medicating” is like referring to candy bars as “Nutrional supplements.”
A: Dart Adams’ nephew is 6’6″.
Lauko didn’t waste much time getting into it again, did he?
This boy is Ignorance. This girl is Want. Beware them both, and all of their degree; but most of all beware this boy, for on his brow I see that written which is Doom, unless the writing be erased.
It’s amazing. My buddy’s son’s team lost a heartbreaker to their rival last night in almost the exact same fashion as the Celtics did v. Golden State. Lead throughout. Lead slips. Offense at the end dries up. Back breaking 3 by outstanding shooter to tie. Wheels come off in OT. Lordy.
If you don’t find National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation funny I don’t know what to tell you.
Ron Hobson Media Good Guy Award SZN.
I will honour Christmas in my heart, and try to keep it all the year. I will live in the Past, the Present, and the Future. The Spirits of all Three shall strive within me. I will not shut out the lessons that they teach.
Best bet for the weekend: traffic by the shopping centers.
All fix!
Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Bill James, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. And so, as Tiny Tim observed, God Bless Us, Every One!
The Immaculate Grid, Boston sports media edition. This week’s theme: the follicly challenged! Be it receding hairlines, male pattern baldness, dubious comb-overs, or just plain old cueball-baldness.
Past or present media members, regular or guest appearances are okay. There may only be one answer, and you can’t use anyone more than once. The15 merchandise (& other) prize giveaways will continue for the best solution!
Wow. What a Thurrsday night beatdown. And then the bloodletting. Saturday games this weekend, too.
SATURDAY LUNCHTIME
Vikings at Bengals (-3)
Stripey Cats win streak runs to three games.
SATURDAY SUNSET
Steelers at Colts (-1.5)
Go Horse? I guess.
SATURDAY PROWLTIME
Broncos at Lions (-4)
Broncos are hot. Won’t matter. Jungle king cats win.
SUNDAY LUNCHTIME
Falcons (-3) at Panthers
Black Cats luckless streak ends. Sorry birdie.
Festive!
Bears at Browns (-3)
Trickster Browns and Joe Flacco. What a match! Cleveland wins.
Buccaneers at Packers (-3.5)
Prediction: Pack Pummels Pewts.
Jets at Dolphins (-8.5)
Prediction: Porps Plaster Planes
Fly you Dolphin, fly!
Chiefs (-7.5) at Patriots
Heart says Pats, head says Chiefs.
Giants at Saints (-5.5)
Francis of Assisi is the patron saint of Italy. Tommy DeVito and his agent are Italian. Won’t matter, Because St. Francis is also the patron of animals. Like me.
So good with the animals.
Texans at Titans (-3)
Houston’s old team edges Houston’s current team. Go Tits!
SUNDAY SUNSET
49ers (-12.5) at Cardinals
Prospectors and Purrdy too much for the Pretty Birds.
Commanders at Rams (-6.5)
Bighorn Sheepies win bigly.
Cowboys at Bills (-2)
Pokes paste Payables.
Gotcha, you ornery varmint, and things of that nature.
SUNDAY PROWLTIME
Ravens (-3) at Jaguars
Spotted Cats send the visiting Evil Birds back home as losers.
MONDAY NIGHT
Eagles (-4) at Seahawks
Fake Seabirds eke out a home win over the National Bird Team.
Football Cat lives in New Hampshire, enjoys watching football, and is a cat.
The 15 