Ever since Joe Mazzulla became the Celtics head coach the importance of winning the math battle took front and center among the team’s priorities. So even as Boston shot their poorest, (10-39 from beyond the arc) they didn’t let the results or Dallas dictate their gameplan.
For two games Boston found themselves without their best player, Tatum could not go far without being smothered and often found himself unable to get open. This led to Tatum to becoming a facilitator, driving to the basket like a point guard, 18 drives in game one, 29 in game 2. Through his shooting woes, Tatum’s playmaking shines averaging 10 assist in the two Celtics victories. Defensively what Tatum has done, being tasked with guarding the opposing teams center, he played his part limiting Dallas’s ability to attack the paint through lobs.
The combination of Boston possessing so many on-ball playmakers, and Kristaps Porzingis and Al Horford forcing defenses to guard beyond the arc, drags Dallas’s bigs away from the basket and even if the help collapses on Tatum he can kick it to an open shooter in the corners.
What Boston is exploiting is the splendors of a five-out lineup, while Dallas struggles to hide their weakest link. While Luka shoots an impressive 51% from the field, averaging a strong 31 points, what he is unable to do is establish consistent ball movement into Dallas’ preferred areas on the floor. Boston just doesn’t fear the likes of P.J Washington and Derrick Jones Jr when left open above the break and they’ve given them no reason to think otherwise. Until a Maverick not named Luka or Kyrie Irving show they can make Boston pay for leaving them open, then those corner threes won’t be an option for the series.
All this and more.
While Tatum is guarding bigs and out-muscling them for hard fought rebounds, Luka is moving like there is lead in his feet. His shot is still there, the step back triple and mid-ranger is still dependable. However, for a player not exactly known for his defense, Luka has given an effort even below his expectations. Players like Daniel Gafford are supposed to cover up for Dončić, protecting the rim when the opponent blows by the latter. Yet, Dončić is unable to do that in this clip right here. All he has to do is get Tatum to go left where Gafford will be there near the rim to help, but instead he lets him go right.
The creativity of the Celtics offense on full display. Porzingis spacing the big in the corner, they Hunt Luka and put Kyrie as the rim protector with Jrue in the Dunkers Spot. pic.twitter.com/OzFISAJgmm
— Coach Gibson Pyper (@HalfCourtHoops) June 10, 2024
Celtics have an opportunity this week to continue their road playoff winning streak Wednesday night, and then possibly to return home with no one left to beat.
Vinny Jace appears on the Entitled Weekend podcast. He does not live deep in the heart of Texas.
The way I keep it straight is, it’s the ‘Stanley Cup Final’, because final and NHL both end in L, and it’s the ‘NBA Finals’ because basketball and association both contain at least one letter S.
The Red Sox should consider installing a dugout escalator.
The Cooper Flagg race war is going to make this Caitlin shit look positively warm and fuzzy.
Mayo answering a coaching philosophy question is like Trump answering a question about his favorite Bible verse.
What the hell is Dave O’Brien talking about? The only thing preventing Sox fans from really diving in to support them is a 10-game winning streak, a no hitter, or a player hitting 14 HRs in a month. Oh, is that all?
It’s Men’s Mental Health Month, too.
Volunteered to help my wife teach her kindergarten class last Friday. My doctor says I should recover in 4 to 6 weeks!!
There’s nothing white women in their 20s love more than saying they’re bisexual.
As much as a pain in the ass as social media is at times, I’m so thankful I get to keep in touch with my childhood friends. Watching people you have loved at different points in life grow up is so freakin’ cool.
When is the joint Rangers/Knicks “We would have won if…” parade?
Cakes are cooking for Robert Kraft, Colm Wilkinson, John Carlos, Freddie Stone, Laurie Anderson, Ellen Foley, Kathleen Kennedy, Michael “Nicko” McBrain, Kenny G, Richard Butler, Jeff Garlin, Ron Livingston, Izabella Scorupco, Mark Wahlberg, Chuck Klosterman, Lamon Brewster, Zydrunas Ilgauskas, Jason White, Pete Wentz, and Marques Colston.
Every sports radio caller is a proud graduate of Red Auerbach Coaching Academy.
I loved G & R’s ‘Chinese Dentistry’ album.
Fun Fact: Edmonton sits at 53.5461 degrees North. Sunrise, FLA sits at 26.1670 degrees North. The 2024 Stanley Cup Final competitors have the largest difference in latitude of any championship series in the history of North American professional sports.
A great birthday gift for Al Horford? A championship ring with the #DifferentHere
Green Line D Branch and Green Line E Branch: Delays of about 10 minutes due to a wire car performing preventative maintenance on the overhead catenary.
That make-out session with another girl after two and a half hard seltzers in college doesn’t make you bi, toots.
If Nickelback has no fans, I am deceased.
Tucupita Marcano sounds like a Jason Bourne alias to get through security at the airport, or maybe a dessert at Table.
Bill the GM doesn’t get any credit for getting rid of Loose Change Chase Winovich?
Being a kid with rich parents doesn’t seem to be as great as it sounds.
Oh wow the morbidly obese autist is a pedophile?
A mix pack that is 4 different kinds of India Pale Ales is not a mix pack, beer brewing people.
Did Rex Chapman just invent Birthdays?
If anyone needs me tonight, I’ll be dragging a naked and screaming Bob Cousy down Tremont Street while I demand that horrified onlookers “give him his flowers” before he dies.
Hey gang of folks with discerning palates, this week’s Phrase that Pays is, “I bet you eat hot dogs for dinner regularly.”
Everyone forgets the 3OT game against the Suns.
We completed the construction of the first Air Rights project since the 1970’s back in January. We built six stories of a 17-story building over the 93 on-ramp. This would be the second. Nice try though.
Why do geese have 9,000 babies? Do they listen to Marvin Gaye or what??
Rough Game 5, Timberwolves. I hadn’t seen a beating like that in Minnesota since George Floyd.
Perk looks and talks like he’s the Moon in a children’s storybook.
Vaya con Dios, Vanessa Welch and Kate Merrill. Good luck in your future endeavors.
Knock down the old grey wall. Be a part of it all. Nothing to say, nothing to see, nothing to do.
If you would give me all As I would give it to you. Nothing would be, nothing would be, nothing would be.
No matter where you go. There will always be a place Can’t you see it in my face, girl? Ooh, girl, want you.
If I looked like a black Jocelyn Wildenstein, I would probably be angry all the time too.
Honk if you remember Hip Zepi USA.
A first baseman CAN make a quite significant contribution to the defensive success of his team. However, only a few first basemen do. Any rare skill presents a challenge to analysts.
Don’t believe Porzingis when he says he’s100%, Green teamers.
Steelers stalwart Larry Allen dead at 52, very sad. Huh? He played for Dallas? Well, I saw the age and just, well, you know…
Maybe the baseball players shouldn’t bet on baseball games?
Confusing I-93 and the Mass Pike is the kind of Generalship that leads to fighting the Battle of Bunker Hill in the wrong location.
Additional Fun Fact: Edmonton has a larger population than Chelmsford, Andover, and Lewiston combined.
The Celtics winning made the termites in Doris’s dentures cry.
Where is the Isobel Cup?
Maybe it’s not a great idea to take life lessons from a rapist. Just sayin’.
That nice Ginger Zee lady would have told Ike 80 years ago the weather across the English Channel was clearing.
Best bet for the weekend: a different horse wins the Belmont Stakes.
Is it sexist to say that outfit looks terrible when I could see Jayson Tatum wearing the exact same thing, pocketbook included?
Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Bill James, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. Lookin’ at the devil, grinnin’ at his gun, Fingers start shakin’, I begin to run. Bullets start chasin’, I begin to stop, We begin to wrestle, I was on the top.
And a fair dinkum of a happy birthday to gold medal-winning Australian swimmer Emily Seebohm.
Did they fire Mazzulla yet? They’ve got a week to find a real coach.
Solid effort PWHL Boston. Get ’em next go around.
Is Zach Cox still trespassing at Gillette?
Bill Walton. Aw, man. Sad news. Second member of 1986 Cs to pass away.
Sox in worse shape in Baltimore than the Francis Scott Key Bridge is.
Nick Cattles should strive to be one-tenth as entertaining as that ChatGPT feature about him was.
Why is everyone ignoring Ant’s ability to force a Game Seven?
“You flail at 100% of the takes you don’t verbalize.” – Mark Dondero. Probably.
Cakes are cooking for Barry Clifford, P.J. Carlesimo, Stephen Tobolowsky, Colm Meaney, Jake “The Snake” Roberts, Ted McGinley, Kevin Eastman, Wynonna Judd, Billy Donovan Jr., Adele Dazeem, Manny Ramirez, Je’Rod Cherry, Marissa Mayer, Jordan Palmer, and Sam Baker.
Josef Newgarden proved once again he’s Penske material at the Indianapolis Motor Speedway.
They actually said that Angel Hernadez is retiring ‘to spend more time with his family?’ lol.
Hey Cattles, Jess Moran could probably use some help on her food truck. Still a Y especially if she brings a lobster roll for later. I’d reweave the netting on her lobster traps, heh heh. I may be doing this wrong.
Cedric Maxwell had to present the Larry Bird trophy? Oof.
If Emilee Dennis let Rotillo hit it we wouldn’t have the RSLO clothing line.
I would’ve liked to smoke some gay weed with Bill Walton.
Boston goalie Aerin Frankel with 41 saves. Crowd chants, “Frankel, Frankel, Frankel” at the game’s end.
Scottie Scheffler chose the high road.
Orange Line Reminder: Through June 6 No Train service between Wellington & Back Bay for bridge and track work. Use Buses between Wellington & North Station. Use Green Line between North Station & Copley. Use Commuter Rail Haverhill Line at North Station, Malden Center & Oak Grove.
BC Women’s lax are your NCAA champions.
The Cape Cod Times is looking for a HS sports reporter. This has the potential to be a great gig for an early 20-something looking to break in.
Alex Karaban is returning to UConn.
Fans of a .500 team overreact to every win and loss. A good team, you know you can’t win them all; a 100-loss team, you get used to it. A .500 team, emotionally you’re as good as the last 24 hours.
I forgot to listen to the Johnston, Roche, and Cattles Holiday Fill-in Show!
Karl Anthony Towns is the worst all-star in the league.
Hey gang of male feminists, this week’s Phrase that Pays is, “Nobody works harder than women in sports.”
More resumes should say “34DD.”
Holiday is who everybody convinced themselves Smart was.
Game 3 of the 2024 Eastern Conference Finals should forever be referred to in history as Jrue’s Non-Covid Illness Game.
Home track win for Chuc Leclerc at the Monaco Grand Prix.
When the Celtics fail to execute in crunch time, they’re losers. When their opponent fails to execute in crunch time, they should’ve won! got it.
You say that you love me (say you love me) All of the time (all of the time) You say that you need me (say you need me) You’ll always be mine (always be mine)
I’m feelin’ glad all over. Yes, I’m glad all over. Baby, I’m glad all over. So glad you’re mine.
Have fewer electrical outlets. And have more furniture blocking access to the few there are.
I can draw up inbounds plays that don’t work too. Just sayin’.
Lonzo Ball says he had to get a new meniscus from a donor because of how severe his injury became.
Honk if you remember the TV movie, Brian’s Song.
I don’t know Ma, what do you think they serve at “Just Salads?”
Thinking heavily of Bill Walton, Tommy Heinsohn, Red Auerbach, KC Jones, and Sam Jones tonight as the #DifferentHere Boston #Celtics punch another ticket to the #NBAFinals.
Trop Pants! > $80 Pants
I could watch Pop Douglas run routes against air all day. The No. 3 looks good on him, too.
Bradley Beal has a son named “Deuce.” Makes you think.
Have Goodman and Perk ever done a podcast together? The universe would implode in a singularity of stupid.
Friendly reminder to be nice to your veterinary staff on holiday weekends.
I can’t be the only one who saw that woman take her jersey off behind the Dallas Stars bench.
Best bet for the weekend: Oliers & Panthers advance to The Cup.
MLB Career Home Run Leaders (if stats in losses didn’t count) — 526 Babe Ruth 512 Henry Aaron 500 Albert Pujols 493 Barry Bonds 458 Willie Mays 451 Alex Rodriguez 417 Jim Thome 412 Manny Ramirez 402 Ken Griffey Jr. pic.twitter.com/t4ed4tsxxW
Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Bill James, Dan Kelley, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. Rock the Casbah.
And Happy Birthday to tech CEO Marissa Mayer-hold on, I’m being told this is actually model Marissa Miller. Well, the picture stays.
(Dear The15net dot com Wicked Pissah Beantown Chowderheads Platinum Elite Members; Here is the now-traditional musical playlist for your Memorial Day enjoyment. Click HERE to download.)
Word Salad – Optum Men’s Chorale
Da Doo Doo Doo Da Da DeBrusk! – Jack Edwards & The Police
Winning (DNA) – Dondero
Subterranean TweetDeck Blues – Xob Dxlan
Call Me Kirkie – Cattles Rae Jepsen
Full Throttle! – The Edgar Winter Group
Workin’ 9 to 5 (one day a week) – Kenni Middleton
ABCTE – The Chapter 11
Unstable Woman Behind the Counter of a Sports Marketing Firm – Pearl Jan
If You Could Read My Mind – Karen Leadfoot
Don’t Drink the Shower Water – Gage Matthews Band
X’s My Life – Talk Text
Hey There Char Wilder – The Plain Black Hats
Easy Rider (To The Finals) – KOC and The Sunshine Bland
Ice Cold Drinks – Ron Muskmelon Catamount
In Memory of Cameron Reid – The MacAlbert Brothers Band
Love Horshack – The B52 Waistline
California Creamin – The Mamas and the (Missing) Papas
Do It Again – Rich and the Unlistenables
Performative Fandom Blues – Shukri and the Thirst-Traps
Grippy Sock Vacation – Cosplaying Despondency
Stayin’ Alive – The CHB Gees
Smite You With My Spite Zoo – Richie Shirts
Emergency at the Cardboard Box Factory – The Shadow GM
Overture from ‘Spamalot’ – The Framingham Youthful Offender Light Opera Company
Shape of My Enlarged Heart – The Bankroll Boys
Backstabbers – The May O’Jays
Miss Me (with that shit) Blind – No Culture Club
Smells Like Teen Spirit – The Snowmen
Yackety Yak – MayoWolf
Where’s the delivery, Kenneth! – J.E.E.P.
Beautiful Things – Benson Boone
Aidan and Abetting – Big House Bound
Meow (Mew) – Problematic Cat
Papelbon (Has Got it Goin’ On) – Six Danny Six
Devil’s Walking Stick – The Rex Burkhead Revival
Paper Scissors Rock – Mick Gindaloon and his Dumb Polacks
Homo Phone Homophones – Otto Core Wrecked
Off The Couch & In the Building – Ploverboy
California – Second Secret Son
Collaborate (Burn Some Cash) – INOVRHED
How Many Radio Stations Does Boston Have Anyway? (The 16th Place Song) -Meg O’Joansie & Whoever
Comfortably Dumb -Ben Volin
Mr. Jones and Me – The Squawking Crow
Very Believable Tales of Wonder – Buddhist Mink
Bar Pie Breakdown – The Dubious Brothers
Every Man Is Fighting a Cerrone Battle You Know Nothing About – Lord Acton
Yeah! (Daddy) – Lil Jon(athon)
Everybody’s Working But Dickerson – Whiney Boy
Shukri on the SEPTA – Flophouse
Something Stupid – All Hat Nick Cattles
Paprika Narcosis – Bath Salt Kratom
Visualization Of The Space Mind Gargamel Part XXVIII: Grip The Keys – Dero Spedes
Stolen Car – Beth Orton
Lucy May Never Win a Bet Again – Flex Seals & Crofts
A Bicycle Built For Two – Woby
Nothin’ but a G String” – Vernon Dozier
Drawing a Blank – Objectively Amy
Imaginary Uber Driver – Ladies In Sports
A Silo Is Just a Lighthouse That Hasn’t Earned Its Bell – Fort Foxborough Positivity Chorus & Carillon
(Have a song suggestion? Or a compliment? Leave it in the comments!)
If you’re only going to hit one three-pointer, let it be the one that forces overtime.
Nothing like ECF nerves. Unless you’ve lived it you’ll never understand.
When you can go from the #1 rated morning show in town to a classic rock station with Ted Johnson, how could you not?
Ben McAdoo looks like he shouldn’t be allowed within 500 feet of a school.
Sunrise, Florida vs. Edmonton, Alberta sounds like a potential ratings bonanza for ABC.
Of course Jaylen Brown hit the big shot right in front of Drake Maye and Guy Fieri.
At least Javon Baker got Ju Ju out his wheelchair.
Dunkin Donuts iced coffee is the true measure of Karma. No cup tastes the same as the last and the more good energy you put into the world, the better cup you’ll get in return.
Cakes are cooking for Tommy John, George Best, Bernie Taupin, Steven Morrissey, José Mesa, Alison Eastwood, Naomi Campbell, Corey Croom, Katie Price, Maggie Q, and Apolo Anton Ohno.
What time is the 8pm tipoff?
I am so perplexed by some of you who think I want, or need, anything from my work. I do need to avoid starving (on the whole), and it’s ideal when I am in the zone, but, at the end of the day, I just deploy my skillset as I am called to serve. Anything else is a fringe benefit.
Sweeney said that no Bruins are scheduled for offseason surgery.
Orange Line Reminder: May 20-23, Nights only from 8:30 PM to the end of service. Shuttle Buses replace service between Oak Grove and North Station due to bridge and track work. Commuter Rail Haverhill Line will be available for alternate service.
There’s nothing like the intensity of a Game Seven.
Charlotte Wilder went from Fox Sports to Dan LeBatard to Plain Black Hat in two years. Kevin Spacey had a gentler fall from grace.
Red Sox are right in the meaty part of the win/loss curve.
It’s a damn shame no one hacks anymore. Nothing like getting in a circle and kicking the bag around. And Cons were the best hacking shoe. Perfect in-step, and flexible ankle.
Hey gang of spectral phenomenists, this week’s Phrase that Pays is, “I am too old to be fighting ghosts.”
You don’t HAVE to weirdly overpraise the Knicks NBA blue checks. It’s not a rule or anything.
I had Cannoli ice cream for the first time on this day five years ago. I did at an ice cream shop near the Baseball Hall Of Fame in Cooperstown. Since then, I have seen Cannoli ice cream at a few other ice cream shops.
TJ McConnell is such a smart player. Crafty. Underrated athlete.
Have to admit those Texans lettermen setups were some sharp looking jackets, even if it was a terrible idea.
This Bridgerton season is NOT healthy for us delusional yearners.
I impinged one of my ECF nerves once.
Tweet asking whether there is any recent player whose career has fallen apart like Andrew Benintendi’s. It’s as common as dirt. Go back to 2019 and look for young players who were playing well then, and you’ll find 20 of them. . .Javy Baez, Roughned Odor, Nomar Mazara.
I’m sorry you don’t think I went to Celtics games in the 80s, Filter Pig.
Chris, FOR YEARS I’ve beat some of the best prognosticators in the World. I have never lost. YOU are the only one who beats me every year. Your early pick on American Idol Won last night with Abby Carter Hats off to you Friend
If you feel that it’s real, I’m on trial And I’m here, yeah, in your prison Like a coin in your mint I am dented and I’m spent with high treason
Through a glass eye, your throne Is the one danger zone Take me to the pilot for control Take me to the pilot of your soul
Take me to the pilot Lead me through the chamber Take me to the pilot I am but a stranger
I will say – casting Lazar as the pompous know it all dick was spot on.
Hear me out…IF the Finals is Celtics vs. T-Wolves both teams should be forced to play KG for at least 3 minutes. Celtics get him for 4 games (first seed privilege), T-Wolves get him for 3. Cs get him games 1 & 2 then rotate game by game. This is the way.
Honk if you remember Nicholas Colasanto.
I don’t think Aidan had gotten around to investing his grift money into making his site less AIDSy.
20 years from now, when your kid asks you just how injury-depleted the Knicks were in their second-round matchup vs. the Pacers in 2024, tell them that Alec Burks was New York’s third-leading scorer in the series (and NY’s second-leading scorer over the final four games).
Rylo Huncho died doing what he loved.
Gun to my head, I would have said there were eight PWHL teams.
I’m not calling a grown man, “Bronny.”
If Jayson Tatum shot 6-for-24 in a Game 7 people would be destroying him, win or lose. Anthony Edwards does it and he’s the new face of the NBA? If I wasn’t such a big Ant fan I’d find this very annoying as a Celtics fan.
Who is the American League version of Ed Kranepool? Let us know in the comments.
Ted Johnson’s Rosemary Kennedy impersonation, while strikingly accurate, was in poor taste this morning in my opinion.
Best bet for the holiday weekend: media personalities being forced to reassess their unfairly negative opinion of the Celtics.
Well, that’s like, your opinion,man.
Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Bill James, NO Mark Farinella, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. Hos soon is now?
And Happy Birthday to Damariscotta’s own Anna Belknap, star of stage, screen and television.
There was no tension. There was no hyperventilation or sphincter tightening. The series was over, and it was evident the Celtics were in a different class than their opponent. Only through lapses of judgement and execution did they allow Cleveland to land a counterpunch. When the Celtics remained focused the Cavaliers stood no chance. Despite missing Kristaps Porzingis for the sixth straight game the Celtics notched the series clincher and an impressive mark of 5 wins to 1 loss since his absence. This mostly thanks to the 37-year-old center Al Horford who was asked to shoulder a larger portion of the workload, such as in Game 5 vs Cleveland when backup Luke Kornet was not able to keep up with Evan Mobley.
He played thirty-five minutes in a game the Celtics absolutely had to have. They needed the rest. They needed the confidence builder closing out two series in quick fashion brings a team. And Cleveland played like a pesky gnat not willing to be swatted. Whenever the Celtics appeared close to finishing them off the Cavs found answers to keep things mildly interesting. It’s something past Celtics teams would have allowed to cause discouragement and to wilt down the stretch. But this year’s team appears to be made of sterner stuff.
Horford quietly does his role, setting screens, pop to the perimeter, and have the ball swing to him for the open triple or swing it to a teammate with a higher chance to make it or if he wants, drive it to the hole. That’s Al. Old Man Al. Always putting the team before himself. His quick footwork sealing off avenues to the paint on Isaac Okoro, and his ability to stick with guard Darius Garland lowered Cleveland’s ceiling as you can tell Horford had an extra skip in his step tonight. Savor it, because there is no assurance there are many of these Old School Horford games left. Lord knows we’ve seen plenty.
The elder statesman of the Celtics that’s been through battles with Tatum and Brown when they were younglings, shepherding then through playoff series with Giannis, Embiid and LeBron, until they were ready to take on the main role, but Horford was always ready and willing to dawn the cape again if the signal was flashed in the sky. His name was in the 2022 series vs Milwaukee when Giannis was running his mouth and needed to be humbled. When Bam Adebayo was causing mayhem in the 2022 conference finals Horford was there to put a lid on it. When the MVP Joel Embiid looked ready to finally vanquish his longtime nemesis, Big Al kept him a conference finals virgin.
Just a simple gaze of the box score, 8/15 from the field, six triples, 22 PTS | 15 REB | 5 AST | 1 STL | 3 BLK. This while facing allegations of being “washed” after an iffy Game 3 and 4 performances. Ladies and gentlemen, I am here to tell you he is not washed. He just has to pick his spots. And when he finds said spot the Celtics better not waste it.
Looking Forward:
I think you’ll find it’s the exact same measurements as our TDGarden back in Boston.
The last time the Celtics played Indiana, Tyrese Haliburton was averaging 23 points and 12 assists, considered a shoo-in for First Team All-NBA and captain of a historically great Pacers offense. Since his injury his averages sank to 16 points and 9 assists; his playoffs numbers sit at 18 points and 4 assists. His hamstring injury continues to persist even long after its diagnosis. Some days he’s great, some days he isn’t.
How the Pacers survive is through others picking up the slack. Indiana potentially has the best bench unit of the remaining teams this playoffs. T.J McConnell is a perfect facilitating point guard on the second unit able to keep the teams head above water when Haliburton is on the pine. T.J is quick, shifty, and decisive. Indiana is a lot like Boston in the regard when they are running they are borderline unstoppable.
Indiana’s calling card beyond Haliburton is they have more than one bullet in the chamber and aren’t reliant on just one contributor. If Hali isn’t himself, dependable Pascal Siakam can create for himself with a lethal spin-move. Myles Turner, the veteran big from Texas, can imitate Dirk Nowitzki on some nights, other nights he’ll defend the paint like Pacer great Rik Smits utilizing his 6-11 frame and 250-pound body.
The Celtics primarily do their damage with Tatum bullying or finessing his way near the basket. His three-point attempts last postseason was near eight-in-a-half, now sits at six-in-a-half. The change is the strength he’s put in his upper body to absorb resistance and minimize off-balance shot attempts. Tatum is in the middle of his athletic peak. This is the time for him to attack, attack and attack. In the four regular season games versus Indiana, JT averaged 33 on 70 percent true shooting.
Vroom vroom Pacers
I expect this series to be a track meet. Indiana cannot sufficiently defend, sporting the 4th worst opponents points per game at 120.2. The Pacers best friend has been the Celtics historic worst enemy: shooting variance. In wins they shoot 53% from the field, in losses that falls to 47%. In their Game 7 dismantling of New York they shot 67 percent from the field, ungodly figure that can happen in more than one occasion if Boston does not acknowledge the smaller margin of error they have than in their previous playoff series.
Being without Kristaps Porzingis for at least the first two games (maybe three) means they’ll be without their best rim protector and lone constant mid-range threat. This means Al Horford will have his work cut out for him again with Turner, hustling and bustling for rebounds. Second chance points will be crucial and if Boston can win in that category it’ll go along way in pushing a hot Pacers team back to earth.
The Celtics will get to their spots and have open looks, Indiana cannot defend them consistently. It is up to Boston to MAKE their looks and remain ahead. Hali waxes and wanes with the flow of the game. If Indiana is in a big enough deficit early, he’ll waive the white flag and remind us he’s hurt. If it’s competitive or Indiana has another one of those 150-point games, he’ll be stunting. I love Hali, but his post-injury self is a front runner. Knock him out early and keep him down. The main reason this series goes longer than it should is if Lady Luck smiles down on them and they average 130 per night.
Vinny Jace appears on the Entitled Weekend podcast. He does not live at the foot of Mount Monadnock.
You think the old barn will be rocking the next couple nights? Heh heh.
(Editor’s Note: in last week’s Junk Drawer a quote from Mark Farinella was mistakenly attributed to comedian Mitch Hedberg. We apologize for the error and thank Mr. Farinella for pointing it out.)
I bet everyone is happy the Celtics came back on the road and finally won a close playoff game.
Drew Bledsoe rooted for Roy Stalin in Better Off Dead.
You could run a black light over the court at MSG and not find any winning DNA.
Who greenlit Harrison Butker’s commencement speech? Nick Adams? Fred Waterford?
A quarter of the season done, and the Red Sox lead the league in ERA. If that holds up, it would be the first time that has happened since two years before the Magna Carta was signed.
Drew Bledsoe is the Platonic ideal of a coach’s kid.
Will rookies wearing their actual game numbers improve Patriots coverage this year?
Nothing says I’m a dickhead Boston cop like a bald head and a goatee.
Cakes are cooking for Anna Maria Alberghetti, Wavy Gravy, Don Nelson, Brian Eno, Chazz Palminteri, George Brett, Mike Oldfield, Dan Patrick, Kevin Von Erich, Melle Mel, John Smoltz, Emmitt Smith, Desmond Howard, Jennifer Rizzotti, Ray Lewis, Ryan Leaf, David Krumholtz, Josh Beckett, Justin Morneau, Jamie-Lynn Sigler, Christiane, and Andy Murray,
Max Strus has never actually hit a three against a team other than the Celtics.
Hey gang of potential sports managment agency clients, this week’s Phrase that Pays is, “Do rib tattoos hurt? I want one.”
Drew Bledsoe would be divorced too if he played in the NFL for 23 seasons like Brady.
I’d rather be backed over by my ciggy breath girlfriend than have friends that play fight with me after a few beers.
Someone please give Jennifer Connelly a meatball sub. Or two.
Shouldn’t Mother’s Day be every day of the year?
Red Line Reminder: May 18-19 (This Weekend) Shuttle Buses replace service between Broadway and Braintree due to bridge and track work. Regular Red Line service will operate between Ashmont and JFK/UMass.
Drew Bledsoe parks his car diagonally across four parking spaces at the supermarket.
Celtics are lucky Okoro can’t score-o. He has to be 0 for his last 15.
Leah Hextall. Naughty.
Hey Ken, find the dog food that I ordered on Amazon two weeks ago, loser. Yaaaaaa!
Spike Lee still alive? What a cvnt.
Drew Bledsoe’s sheared artery was the first time we learned he had heart.
Imagine being Turtleboy’s lawyer. After a while, you must be like, “Why are you such an asshole?”
Is Zack Cox trespassing?
The mute button loves PK Subban.
You don’t need to use the search bar Ma; the page you’re looking for is already open in a tab. Cursor up. Up. Up! No, don’t scroll down! Up! You see the tabs up top? right in the middle! Click there!
Drew Bledsoe would be friends with Shooter McGavin.
A: the1987 Los Angeles Lakers.
The fact there are Red Lobster restaurants in Connecticut is a point for the ‘CT isn’t really part of New England’ side of the argument.
If you’re looking for a catchy tune with a funky beat, you could do much worse than Shalamar.
When did Court TV get so bad/cheesy?
Honk if you’ve eaten at The Weathervane/Lobster in the Rough.
Kelsey Plum forgot her blouse!
Drew still using the roast from over a week ago as an excuse to keep insulting Tom kinda makes him look like the asshole we all know him to be.
And you may ask yourself, “How do I work this?” And you may ask yourself, “Where is that large automobile?” And you may tell yourself, “This is not my beautiful house.” And you may tell yourself, “This is not my beautiful wife.”
Letting the days go by, let the water hold me down. Letting the days go by, water flowing underground. Into the blue again, after the money’s gone. Once in a lifetime, water flowing underground.
Same as it ever was, same as it ever was. Same as it ever was, same as it ever was. Same as it ever was, same as it ever was. Same as it ever was, same as it ever was.
Radar guns have changed. There is no way that all these pitchers hit 100mph so consistently. No one threw it faster than Nolan Ryan but now every middle-reliever does? Impossible.
Dallas’s NHL team should have been named the Lone Stars.
UConn is a baseball school.
Can you really cry while giving a speech about the loss of masculinity? Asking for an idiot kicker.
Who’s the Florida Panthers diving coach, Thornton Mellon? Bravo.
Statistics that other people research and post should get acknowledged or attributed to them if they are used, not just stolen. It’s a lousy thing to do.
Drew Bledsoe got traded to another team in the division.
Red Lobster got Frying Dutchman’d with its ultimate endless shrimp promotion. Arrrrr!
Welcome to the big leagues, Caitlin Clark.
Best bet for the weekend: Not Mystik Dan. Sorrey!
Boston cop physiognomy.
Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, but nothing from Mark Farinella, don’t you worry your pretty little head, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. The second time around. Ooh, the second time is so much better, baby.
Originally published on the BSMW Message Board July 12, 2011
(From the unsold pilot episode of SportsDad)
TITLE CARD: There are over 50,000 known douchebags in Massachusetts. The highest concentration, live in this 750 square foot apartment.
FADE IN:
EXT. BOSTON – DAY
We fly over the Boston Garden, heading toward the Charles River, before making a sharp right to the Northeast. Charlestown.
CUT TO:
INT. CHARLESTOWN APARTMENT – DAY
We see a young boy laying face down on a couch. The door to the apartment opens and BILL SIMMONS JR, 9, lifts his head. His nose is bloodied, the couch stained. He rises and attempts to hide the evidence with a pillow. WILLIAM SIMMONS SR 38, enters the living room carrying three lunch pails. He’s a ghastly sheepdog of a man.
BILL SR What have you been doing in here?
BILL JR I…too many men…in
He stifles a cry.
BILL SR In what? Your pants? Too many men in your pants!?
BILL JR On! On the ice! Too many men on the ice!
BILL SR They broke our hearts?
<beat>
BILL SR and BILL JR (together) AGAIN!
Bill Sr reaches over and ruffles his son’s hair.
BILL SR Cheer up son, that Bird fellow is going to start playing for the Celtics in the fall and I’ve got a feeling he’s going to be something special.
BILL JR Why’s that dad?
BILL SR He’s gritty. Hard-nosed. Hard working. Like us.
Bill Jr thinks for a second and starts to nod his head.
BILL JR Like us.
<beat>
Hey dad?
BILL SR Yes?
BILL JR Can I go over to Patrick Beverly’s to play? *
Shertenlieb to WZLX? Our short, regional nightmare is finally over. But will the wacky bits work sandwiched between Meatloaf and Molly Hatchet? Enjoy obscurity.
You all want Tatum to be a point guard. Don’t @ me.
Mmmm, meatloaf sandwich.
Upton Bell was still working in football the last time the Knicks won a title.
Boy that Gorman “goodnight,” huh? That’s one you don’t forget.
Watching Lohrei handle the puck immediately after Wotherspoon is hilarious. It’s like they play different sports.
Why are the refs so deferential to Denver? It makes zero sense.
Cakes are cooking for Gary Glitter, Chris Frantz, Mike D’Antoni, Philip Bailey, Alex Van Halen, Bill Cowher, Lovie Smith, Ronnie Lott, Melissa Gilbert, Omar Camporese, Hiromi Arakawa, Enrique Iglesias, Jussi Markkanen, Joe Bonnamassa, John Maine, Adrian Gonzalez, Kemba Walker, and Olivia Culpo.
Kobe anally raped a woman, but Pat Bev was mean to the middle-aged lady. He should leave.
The Mets are like the lottery one day you win big and the next day you lose a lot.
Jalen Brunson looks like Abby Chin without makeup.
OK, I think the Tom Brady roast went way over the top on a few of the jokes. And I’d like to get a count on F-bombs at some point. Mostly funny, but I hope unsuspecting parents didn’t let the kids watch it in the early PM thinking it would be the usual hero worship for TB12.
They fired the reigning In Season Tournament winning coach? Odd. And sad.
Hey gang, this week’s Phrase that Pays is, “Are you going to spend vacation watching a trial on your phone?”
Macklin Celebrini? That’s not a hockey player name, that’s the name of an advertising agency.
It’s free to subscribe to Pat Bev’s podcast. That lady was just being difficult.
What do people even do with bookmarks?
Tatum is gonna have to take over one of these times and steal us a game. Or perhaps even steal us a series. Or neither, seeing as basketball is a team sport.
How much at auction would Darren pay for ‘genuine human emotions?’
Carlo has a kid – flies in late, plays, scores. Rudy Gobert has a kid- smokes weed, goes on the ‘Gram, misses game(s).
Hope Keith Foulke is happy that he lost a fan!
Red Line Reminder: May 11-12 (This Weekend) Shuttle Buses replace service between Broadway and North Quincy due to bridge and track work. Regular Red Line service will operate between Ashmont and JFK/UMass during this work.
Jamal Murray looks like an extra in Raid on Entebbe.
Carl Yastrzemski. I stood next to him once at a store. There were a handful of men there. None of us spoke to him, though he gave me a head nod. I know he is a man and yet somehow, we all knew that he is more than that. He quietly disappeared from the store as if he was an apparition.
The Indianapolis Star’s Gregg Doyel is in the middle of a two-week suspension after the Caitlin Clark press-conference controversy. He will not cover any Fever games live this summer.
Shukri must be the Philly equivalent of Charlie on the MTA. All abroad!
Pitchbots are a stain on the beautiful troll community.
My kid just walked into the room. Sees Leafs vs. Bruins warming up on TV. “What? It’s boy’s hockey” with full indignation. “Why isn’t there girl’s hockey on?” She’s 5 and will never know a world where we can’t just turn our TV on and see pro women’s hockey players, and I love it.
Why does Kenny Smith need to have a video if all he’s doing is counting to 12?
Friends say it’s fine, friends say it’s good. Everybody says it’s just like Robin Hood. I move like a cat, talk like a rat, sting like a bee. Babe, I’m gonna be your man.
It’s plain to see, You were meant for me. Yeah, I’m your boy, Your 20th century toy.
Kendra Middleton’s peanut allergy story was lifted straight out of the film Fallen.
PWHL Boston – playoff bound.
Mutnansky is still in Monte Carlo playing baccarat with his Kentucky Derby winnings, right?
Just say you don’t know the joke. It’s OK.
If you take Aiden the Turtleboy’s place in line for the Karen Read case, he’s gonna kick you out of the Lollipop Guild.
Sears has medicine balls on sale today. Great prices.
Does interviewing Samir Suleiman satisfy the Rooney Rule the way having Brandon Hunt in for an interview does?
Honk if you remember the Dunkin coffee coolatta.
I haven’t slept for ten days, because that would be too long.
Love that there’s more outrage about Pat Beverly being mean to a reporter than there is about him beaning a woman in the crowd in the head with a basketball.
No, you did not ‘catch a stray’ during the Tom Brady Roast.
I can take 30 Minions right now and throw them in the NFL. You cannot take 30 NFL players and put them in the Minion Ice Cave. jmt
ACAB and ‘bitch clearly did it’ are not mutually exclusive thoughts.
What is it with Kennedys always losing part of their brains?
Best bet for the weekend: packed brunch spots on Mother’s Day.
Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Mitch Hedberg, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. What you gonna do when you get out of jail?
And a happy birthday to Josie Maran, SI swimsuit model, actress and skincare & cosmetics entrepreneur.
“Jeff Ross is so ugly not even Mengele would operate on him.”
I hope Alex Guerrero can cure whatever cancer Jeff Ross has.
Kevin Hart, I loved him as that elf in Bad Santa. He should have tried being funny last night.
Nikki Glaser did her homework and knew the guy Gisele is fucking teaches jiu jitsu, not karate. No hill run for her.
How is Drew Bledsoe funnier than actual comedians?
What’s the deal with trans Urkel? Oh, the deal is she is actually funny. Refreshing!
“I don’t know much about football, but I did spend a night on Revis Island!”
That pair of comedians set was less funny than McNally and Jastremski.
Oh great, Ron Burgundy. This bit certainly hasn’t gotten old. Will is lost without Adam McKay.
Dana White couldn’t find two UFC fighters to sit at his table who could pass for straight? What is this, the octagon, or The Birdcage?
Did Matt Chatham make the trip, or was there a rub signing at Wegmans?
“Tom’s taking such a beating tonight; they should change his name to ‘Ted Johnson’s Wife.’”
They needed to factor in more applause time for Belichick.
The audience really didn’t like Aaron Hernandez jokes. His feelings can’t get hurt.
Some Andy Reid clock management by Gronk for his segment.
Ben Affleck’s worst performance since Phantoms.
“Tara Reed’s tits think the docs botched your face, Tom.”
The joke should have been Tom would have confessed to deflating the footballs for ten million dollars.
All the gay jokes landed because being a homo is bad. What?
Schefty doesn’t really believe Tom admitted doing IT, he is just protecting ESPN’s tarnished reputation.
“And Dana White is here, Hi Dana! There’s been a lot of jokes about my ex-wife tonight, but Dana has been happily married for 25 years. I guess the secret is you gotta slap them every once in awhile. Damn, I should have tried that.”
Even if you only read body language at a Rob Gronkowski-level, it was thuddingly obvious Bill wanted absolutely nothing to do with that toast at the podium with Bob.
Mr Kraft, he didn’t look great last night. Made Jeff Ross look like Edelman by comparison. Do they make Yeezy’s with those Joe Biden no-trip soles?
I needed like 30 more massage parlor jokes.
Assembled from the instant reactions of #the15. AregularSports Junk Drawer will appear on its usual day.
The 15 