In the Consolation Match, Mike Kadlick proves no one cares about a Cinderella once their carriage turns back into a pumpkin. No glass slipper, just a glass jaw in a loss to Squeaky Tony Mazz who finishes in third place in consecutive tournaments.
Yes, you’re a winner, pal.
Now on to the final act of The Big Sads – Felger vs. Curran. Two formerly ink-stained wretches. An irresistible farce meets the immovable object of derision. The Carpetbagger vs. the Lakeville Dagger. Missing eyebrows vs. hair transplants. Wisconsin Cheesehead vs. New England PotatoMan. Miserable Cuck vs. Heel Turn for a Buck. Both highly deserving. Two men enter, one man leaves. Choose wisely, voters.
Given the importance of this matchup, the poll will remain open for 24 hours, closing at this time Friday.
Dear readers, if you have been enjoying this year’s Mediot Tournament, or the ones previous, or the Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer columns, or the articles investigating the local sports media, or any of our other features, or the Twitter hijinks of the local collaborative, please consider making a one-time donation. Site registration isn’t free. The Crowdsignal plug-in that tabulates the votes costs money as well. Or in the alternative visit our The15 Genuine Merchandise page and buy a shirt or a mug? Up to you. Thanks again for reading.
It’s Felger’s third time getting to the Four You Deplore, his radio partner Tony got this far last tourney as well, TEC and Kadlick are in uncharted territory. Should be interesting.
Polls will stay open until Midnight EDT, 9 PM PDT. Vote responsibly.
And now a few loving words about “The Hateable Eight”, courtesy of everyone’s favorite meteorologist enthusiast and aspiring journalist, “Joshua from Marion”…
Region C: Mike Felger (1) vs Chris Gasper (2) “I’m not gay or anything but my idol Michael Felger is one handsome mofo.” – Feb 29, 2024 “Gasper is such a fruitcake but I love him too.” – Dec 1, 2023
Region V: Tom E Curran (1) vs Dan Shaughnessy (6) “Good Saturday evening @tomecurran, just wanted to say I love your hard hitting and intense reporting. As someone who had hoped to be a journalist someday, I admire the way you go about craft. Go #Patriots tomorrow even tho the Colts will probably beat them. Take care man.” – Nov 11, 2023 “Only @Dan_Shaughnessy could bring more darkness to the airwaves of @985TheSportsHub than @adamjones985” – Aug 9, 2018
Region N: Mike Kadlick (16) vs Jim Murray (2) “Notice how there’s been zero response by @mikekadlick. There’s several reasons why. Shhhhhhhh you can hear the crickets once the facts come out. Sit down.” – Jan 7,2024 “@bigjimmurray I’ve met him before and he’s not a POS. He wasn’t putting on a front either. He’s said bad things, we’ve all said bad things but we shouldn’t crucify him for life because of it. I believe in forgiveness. I believe in humanity working things out. If not, hit the button already. – Mar 27, 2024
Region T: Tony Massarotti (1) vs Albert Breer (3) “Hey @TonyMassarotti, I know you’ve been getting a lot of shit lately from callers but never forget you are a great guy and talented individual. I’ve met you before at Newbury Comics and you were super classy and gracious. Most people don’t know the real you. – Nov 9, 2021 “I love me some Breer. He’s a true professional and although some of his predictions may be outlandish, he’s willing to sit and take the heat about them. ” – Oct 26, 2023
Remember to vote, and don’t forget to stop by your local parish and get your feet washed tonight!
Polls will stay open until Midnight EDT.
(Preview courtesy of Patrick from Andover del Norte.)
If you have been enjoying this year’s Mediot Tournament, or the ones previous, or the Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer columns, or the articles investigating out local sports media, or the Twitter hijinks of the local collaborative, please consider making a one-time donation. Site registration isn’t free. The Crowdsignal plug-in that tabulates the votes costs money as well. Or in the alternative visit our The15 Genuine Merchandise page and buy a shirt or a mug? Up to you. Don’t make a maniac out of me. Thanks for reading.
Welcome to unHoly week! The Sour Sixteen, then The Hateable Eight, followed by Easter with the in-laws. I’m more excited than when I got that an 8-day late St. Patrick’s Day card.
Region C – Mike Felger (1) vs Shukri Wrights (NR) It’s a matchup of two carpetbaggers just trying to make it big in good old Beantown. We have the wild card, native New Yorker, and current Philadelphia resident, Shukri Wrights doing battle with the titan of New England sports media, Wisconsin’s own Michael Felger. It’s David vs Goliath, if Goliath was a cuckold germaphobe with granny glasses, and David was a walking malapropism cosplaying as a Bruins fan. Do your Bleav in Ramadan miracles? Me neither.
Chris Gasper (2) vs Rich Keefe (14) There’s no buzz about this matchup. Keefe has benefited from some weak competition in the first couple of rounds. Gasper has been quietly going about his business. He must be saving it for the regional final. Kid Gas low efforts his way through again.
Region V – Tom E Curran (1) vs Adam Jones (12) Jones has been getting more votes than he has listeners. It’s been a good run for the self-proclaimed “Sports Vulva”, but it ends here. Curran is the Carrot Top of the local hot takerz. He’s undoubtedly successful. He probably made you laugh once or twice 20 years ago, but now he’s just hanging on with the same old shtick and no one is quite sure how, or why. Tater Top moves on.
Dan Shaughnessy (6) vs Dan Lifshatz (2) It’s a Dan-off! If his latest column proves anything, it’s that Shank’s heart condition must be terminal. People will do/say/write the craziest things when they’re trying to avoid eternal damnation. I hope his Calling Hours don’t conflict with the Red Sox opener. In other Dan news, this weekend Lifshatz came out as anti-Caitlin Clark. He doesn’t “like the way she plays the game”. Too much flopping. I guarantee that no one ever saw Lifshatz flopping around on the University of Hartford’s tennis courts. Because he plays the game the right way? NO! Because he’s lying about playing Division 1 tennis! Lying Dan Lifshatz easily defeats the corpse of Dan Shaughnessy.
Region N – Mike Kadlick (16) vs Gabby Starr (13) Cinderfella vs Cinderella. Mike Kadlick recently gave a scouting report of Drake Maye. Since Kadlick “played” quarterback in college, you’d think maybe he’d make a salient observation. You would be wrong. Kadlick mentioned how Maye has a great arm and can throw to all three levels of the field. Kadlick then listed these levels as “left, right, and (long pause) center”. This is the kind of insight you get from a Division 3 scrub QB with a 47% completion percentage. Gabby Starr thankfully has not opined on the QB class of 2024. She’s been too busy basking in the afterglow of her brave pro-Tim Wakefield/anti-Curt Schilling article from last week. Say what you will about old Gabs, but she is willing to stick her nose in other people’s business. Hope may spring eternal, but I think Kadlick’s storybook run continues. (I’m literally crying while typing this.)
Mike Giardi (6) vs Jim Murray (2) A battle between two of the most thin-skinned Twitter tough guys in New England. If you haven’t been blocked by either of them, then you haven’t pushed back on one of their crappy opinions. Giardi is odious, but he is an irrelevant has been. Fired from the NFL Network, unwanted and unloved, with no employment opportunities, he finds himself clinging on to Greg Bedard as the remnants of his career quickly circle the drain. Jim Murray, and his deformed skull, are much more deserving off your scorn and your vote.
Region T – Tony Massarotti (1) vs Mark Daniels (5) UPSET ALERT! No one has been campaigning harder for votes in this tournament than Mark Daniels. Mortimer Snerd to Jonathan Kraft’s Edgar Bergen, Daniels has been mouthing the company line of the new look Patriots all across the Twitter-verse. Mazz is annoying, but he’s like stepping in dog shit annoying. Usually easily avoidable, but when he does get you, you’ve only got yourself to blame for walking into it. With the Red Sox irrelevant, and the Patriots in at least a two-year media gifted rebuilding grace period, don’t be surprised if the Beasley Media Group cost-cutters start taking a closer look at Mr. Massarotti.
Albert Breer (3) vs Andrew Callahan (2) There seem to be three kinds of people in sports media this millennia. The few who have beaten the odds and have an audience, the vast majority who are struggling for relevance, and the extremely lucky one’s who are trust fund kids who are “working” just to get out of the house. The later group can brush aside the lack of pay, because to them the exposure is the true reward. Something for mater and pater to brag about at the country club. Breer is the epitome of that group. He’s never had an interesting opinion or broken a story. Anything he writes or says is just the most banal of observations cloaked in faux insider double talk. He’s never had to worry about working for a living so he could afford to take no paying jobs and parlay them into airtime. He may be the most successful no talent in sports media. Andrew Callahan is a slug. He and the rest of his “media good guy” joy boys are in for a rude awakening. Callahan’s starts a little earlier than the others, as Breer breezes into the Hateable Eight.
The biggest shocker in March Sadness history was Mike Kadlick taking down #1 seed Ted Johnson. Johnson was seen as a heavy favorite to take this year’s title, whereas Kadlick was viewed as either flotsam or jetsam, whichever is worse. Kadlick is complete dark horse. A riddle wrapped in a mystery inside an enigma.
Exactly who is Mike Kadlick? Let’s start with the basics, he is a Dedham High Graduate and can often be spotted at the Halfway Cafe. After high school, Mike matriculated at Worcester State University, graduating in 2019. While at WSU he was a quarterback on the football team. Opposing team’s scouting reports do not included any of the following words: fluid, hips, strong, arm, or good. During his senior year, he may have put up the most forgettable stat line at any level of college football: 49/115 (42.6%) 495 yards, 1 TD, 5 INT, 5 Sacks. Stats like that may look putrid, but they are still good enough to put Kadlick in the top 6 ex-athletes in local radio, behind Lifshatz, Meg-O, Wiggy, Fauria and Zolak.
After college he took a job writing at a fake media outlet, CLNS media, and now has moved on to write for a failing radio station, WEEI. The quality of his writing is equivalent to his quarterback play. He has a penchant to use lists as a crutch, he loves referencing and quoting other media outlet’s interviews, and includes way too many parenthetical stats. He writes worse than ChatGPT, but he probably works cheaper.. He has a pretty big Twitter following, over 11,000 pornbots. Certainly big enough to qualify him to appear on the “Bet with Josh Marion and Friends” podcast. I’m not a follower, but I did quickly glance through his timeline and it seems pretty benign. Mostly sports aggregation stuff, with a few normal shoepee comments from someone with dreams of working in the hot takez industry. Still nothing that can explain his stunning round 1 upset of Ted Johnson.
That left one last stone yet to be unturned. The “6 Rings Podcast”. Like most people, I have never listened to one second of this podcast. If you list “Fitzy” and “Jumbo” on the marquee of your podcast I’m avoiding it like the plague, but curiosity got the better of me and now I know why Kadlick is hated. His podcasts opinions are just a never-ending stream of contradictory nonsensical opinions, said with such conviction. The gist of it is “the Patriots have to make moves, and they better make the right moves, but you won’t be able to really tell in the short-term if these moves are the right moves, and they better make the moves mentioned in this podcast, which are obviously the right moves, unless they turn out not to be the right moves, but that is fine because speculation is what they have to do – ha, ha, ha, isn’t this funny.” Truly mind-numbing.
I don’t know if all these podcasts, are “live” shows on YouTube, but that seemed to be a big deal to Kadlick. He kept mentioning how many viewers they had, and to be fair, the numbers he quoted, over 5K, put Rich Keefe’s radio ratings to shame. I didn’t bother to check out the video version of the podcast, but I can’t imagine seeing the visage of Messrs. Hart, Stevens and Kadlick adds to the enjoyment. I recommend not listening to the podcast, but if you do, make sure it is at 1.75 speed – at least. That won’t improve the experience any, but it will get it over with quicker and save some of your brain cells.
Kadlick?
So who is Mike Kadlick? He’s just another in a long line of millennials who think they can turn their sports fandom into a career. In short, he is a loser, but in March Sadness losers become winners. On to today’s picks…
Region C: Kevin Paul Dupont (6) vs Rich Keefe (11) Rich Teeth will continue to get more votes than he has listeners and move on to the Sour Sixteen. Trenni Casey (7) vs Chris Gasper (2) This should be a close call. You can’t underestimate how much the voters hate Trenni, even changing her last name couldn’t fool them. Kid Gas, always the Bridesmaid never the bride, may not even make it to the wedding party this year. The year of unexpected upsets continues as Mrs. Casey advances.
Region V: Dan Shaughnessy (6) vs Fred Toucher (3) Expect Toucher to win and claim The Jack Kevorkian Memorial Cup. Mike McCarthy (10) vs Dan Lifshatz (2) Lifshatz’s bankrollz McCarthy, and waddles on.
Region N: Mike Kadlick (16) vs Mark Dondero (8) Kadlick’s Cinderella run continues as he dominates a flailing and gesticulating Dondero. Karen Guregian (5) vsGabby Starr (13) In today’s distaff contest, expect Gabs to win by a nose.
Region T: Tony Masserroti (1) vs Chris Curtis (9) A matchup of the two radio personalities recently suspended for casual racism last year. Mazz nips Curtis. Scott Zolak (4) vs Mark Daniels (5) It’s a “Sophie’s Choice” matchup for Jonathan Kraft. Daniels may have a pipeline to the front office, but Zolak ruins everything., The fireworks have been postponed again, Zo survives.
NOW I LIKE MAYO SO DONT START WITH THAT “OH YOU NEVA POSTD A SQUARE ON IG.” I SIMPLY POSIT WHY ON EARTH WOULD THEY NOT GET RIDLEY IN A ROOM? IT ALWAYS WORKS. (I EE) ONE TIME I WAS CHATTING WITH A YOUNG LADY ONLINE TRYING TO HELP WAYNE LOSE HIS AHEM PURITY WHEN I WAS INVITED TO HER PARENTS HOME A FEW TOWNS AWAY. MUCH TO MY SHAGRIN WHEN I ARRIVED LUCY WAS NOT THERE BUT INSTED IT WAS A 47 YEAR OLD MAN NAMED GREG. NOW GREG KNEW I WAS LEGIT BUT I LURNED A VALUABLE LESSON THAT DAY. IF THEY GOT RIDLEY IN A ROOM AND HE TRIED TO LEAVE THER WOOD BE CAMERAS AND PEOPLE WOOD BE LIKE “WHEAH YA GOIN” “SHE WAS 14” “JUST BECUZ THERES NO TAXES IN TENESEE DOESNT MEEN ANYTHING ROBYN GET THIS MAN A BOLONEY GRINDA STAT”
SOME PEEPL SAY BELLYCHECK WAS FULL OF BOLONEY
I REELY LIKE WHAT THEY AH DOING BY GETTIN RID OF BELLYCHECK AND FEECHURING MAYO AS HE APPEALS TO THE URBAN PLAYER MORE. BUT RITE NOW THE PATS ARE IN THE FREE AGANECY FRIENDZONE. EVERYBODY FLURTS WITH THEM BUT THEY NEVA SEEL TEH DEAL. PUT IT THIS WAY. I CANT RELATE. BACK IN MY DAY I TAMED MOAH PUSS THAN PI FROM LIFE OF PIE. IRONICLY MY BETROTHED ENDED UP SIMILAR IN STATCHA TO RICH PARKER BUT I DIGRESS. AS WE ALL KNOW IF YOU WANNA GET OUT OF THE FRIENDZONE YOU GOTTA INSULT THEM. SO OBVIOUSLY THEY AH IN A ROOM BUT THEN BE LIKE PEE F F SAYS YOUR A 55.9 LOL BE MORE AVERGAE YOU CANT. THEYLL SIGN FASTA THAN AN ASL INTERPRETA AT A BUSTA RYMES CONSERT.
ILLEGAL SHIFT LOL
IF ALL ELSE FAILS YOU CAN SIMPLY TELL THEM YOU REALLY LIKE THEM. LOOK THEM RIGHT IN THE EYE. MAYBE A GENTLE TOUCH ON THE SHOULDER. A GLAS OF WINE. SHARE A LAFF. ASK THEM QUESTIONS ABOUT THEIR FAMILY. BE OPEN AND VULNERABLE. KISS THEM IF THEYA GAY. ITS TOTALLY FINE. OTHAWISE ITS GONNA BE BRISSET COMPLETE TO POP FOR 4 ON 3RD AND 22 AND OUT COMES BARINGA TO PUNT FAH A RECORD 16TH TIME IN THE FIRST HALF. NOBODY WANTS THAT.
Wayne’s Fatha is a die-hard Boston sports fan and irrepressible commentator to message boards and comment threads. He lives in the Merrimack Valley. He is Wayne’s Father.
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