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Category Archives: 2024

12/4/24 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

Posted on December 4, 2024 by scartsy15 Leave a comment

What do you say to a ballclub with two black eyes?

Mayo parlayed having the aisle seat across from Kraft on a long haul flight to being the HC of the Patriots.

Bruins kept it respectable in the Centennial Game and didn’t score nine on Montreal.

Scals 9 sweaters and sport coat isn’t hiding his juicy Bertrand’s

This is sad to see with Justin Tucker. Feels like a superhero losing all his or her powers.

‘Skatteboo’ sounds like a slur Tony Mazz didn’t know the provenance of but used anyway.

Aaron Rodgers is a puppy.

Cakes are cooking for Wink Martindale, Freddy Cannon, Terry Woods, Southside Johnny, Jeff Bridges, Pamela Stephenson, Rick Middleton, Cassandra Wilson, Dave Taylor, Bernard King, Lee Smith, Raul Boesel, Frank Reich, Danny Weinkauf, Sergey Bubka, Marisa Tomei, Veronica Taylor, Fred Armisen, Mike Barrowman, Jay-Z, Jeff Blake, Shannon Briggs, Ted Johnson, Corliss Williamson, Kristina Groves, Jelly Roll, Joe Thomas, Carlos Gomez, Sara Civian, and Kin Seok-jin.

Gatorade would be about 30% more satisfying if they switched mainly to cans. Their thick plastic bottles take forever to get cold and almost never reach the ideal temperature.

Hey gang, this week’s Phrase that Pays is, “This dude is literally about to fumble the tardwife bag and I’m so sad for him

Good cancellin’ weathah. Ahyuh.

Providence fans acted like shitheads? No way! That hasn’t happened since the last time they had a home game!

I’d say I’m more handsome than Justin Tucker. Usually a great kicker- not too easy on the eyes.

Two straight weeks of Spero Dedes. The man with the energy of the head of the Springfield Box Factory.

In 1844, the Democrats were split
The three nominees for the presidential candidate
Were Martin Van Buren
A former president
And an abolitionist
James Buchanan, a moderate
Lewis Cass, a general and expansionist
From Nashville came a dark horse riding up
He was James K. Polk, Napoleon of the Stump

Austere, severe, he held few people dear
His oratory filled his foes with fear
The factions soon agreed
He’s just the man we need
To bring about victory
Fulfill our manifest destiny
And annex the land the Mexicans command
And when the poll was cast, the winner was
Mister James K. Polk, Napoleon of the Stump

Have we considered that Aroldis’s girlfriend might have been really annoying?

Moana 2 was tremendous.

Green Line Reminder: December 6 – 20 No train service between Medford/Tufts, Union Square, and Park St due to track work. Use shuttle buses between Medford/Tufts & North Station, Use the Orange Line downtown. Shuttles will not service Union Square – Use Bus routes 86 & 91.

Honk if you remember Boston Bruins’ right wing Andy Hebenton setting a new NHL record by playing in his 581st consecutive game. Of if you heard about it.

Thinking about watching Formula 2.

The secret to making the Thanksgiving leftovers last is to not have any the very next day.

Hey, you’re not the first guy to out himself by trying to get Barstool dudes to notice them, you won’t be the last.

Helping your parents watch something on espn+ should be an Olympic event.

Great job taking what’s yours, Michigan Wolverines.

Best bet for the weekend: NBA Cup Mania!

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, BSMW‘ Old Friend NASCL, and the members of #the15 were used in this column.

*And Happy Birthday to supermodel/actress Tyra Banks.*

Football Cat’s Week 13 NFL Picks

Posted on November 29, 2024 by naop One comment

It’s BLACK FRIDAY!

Don’t worry, a deranged pilot is not going to fly a blimp into an NFL stadium near you. It means it’s your chance to save SAVE SAVE!

Just visit the the official “The 15” store, and with a few clicks (and a valid credit card) you can take care of all your holiday shopping and enjoy all the football.

Them ore you spend the more you SAVE! (It’s simple mathematics)

Shop early and often, and remember to tell them that Football Cat sent you.

SUNDAY LUNCH TIME
Chargers (-1) at Falcons
Plugs zap Raptors

Steelers at Bengals (-3)
Men of Steel cage Stripey Cats

Texans (-4) at Jaguars
Spotty Cats claw their way to victory

Cardinals at Vikings (-3.5)
Pretty Red Birds should never have flown north.

Colts (-2.5) at Patriots
To all the little Drake-a-Maye-niacs, say your prayers, take your vitamins, and enjoy the win heading into the bye week.

Seahawks (-2) at Jets
Fake Sea Birds ground Jets

Titans at Commanders (-5.5)
Commies blast all over Tits

SUNDAY DINNER TIME
Buccaneers (-5.5) at Panthers
Black Beards sink Black Cats

The impending cannibalism makes it funny

Rams (-2.5) at Saints
The Lord’s shepherds sheer the hairy sheep

Eagles at Ravens (-3)
Scary Black Birds rule the roost

SUNDAY PROWL TIME
49ers at Bills (-7)
Prospectors get snowed under in Buffalo

MONDAY PROWL TIME
Browns at Broncos (-5.5)
Elves can’t handle the elevation

Football Cat lives in New Hampshire, enjoys watching football, and is a cat.

11/27/24 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

Posted on November 27, 2024 by scartsy15 Leave a comment

Jaylen is so ripped watching him guard fatty Harden makes it look like he’s guarding Shukri Wright.

The Red Sox were in on Snell. Okay.

If you were one of those folks who took it upon themselves to put a bunch of campaign signs all over the place, I genuinely appreciate your dedication to democracy, no matter whom you backed. But it’s been a week. Go clean up your deal.

If Bill was still working for the Krafts there’s no way he’d be allowed to print in color.

Good showing, RIFC. Get ’em next time.

He’s actually a great guy, great dad, great coach. I’ve watched him break up potential fights before they happened. So instead of 2 dads spend the weekend in prison, Greg controlled the situation. He is a very nice man and a pillar of the community, he volunteers his time.

When my mom knows the Patriots’ personnel better than the offensive coordinator something is very wrong (Granted, she’s also a diehard who rocks a Hannah jersey, but still…)

You can tell that Civian hates all the unwanted attention she gets, because she continually seeks the unwanted attention.

Cakes are cooking for Kathryn Bigelow, Curtis Armstrong, Bill Nye*, William Fichtner, Caroline Kennedy, Mike Scioscia, Steve Oedekerk, Charlie Benante, Mike Bordin, Fisher Stevens, Robin Givens, Fiachna O’Braonáin, Garry Valk, Nick Van Exel, Jon Runyan, Martin Gramatica, Chad Kilger, Jaleel White, Jimmy Rollins, Ricky Carmichael, Alison Pill, Lashana Lynch, and Omar Jimenez.

Yams and sweet potatoes are interchangeable and don’t let anybody tell you different.

Right-hand catching goalies always look like they’re playing with borrowed equipment haha. But Askarov having nice debut for SJ.

Did you see Football Cat’s Picks? Well why not?

I know this is simple math, but doesn’t Hardy-Weinberg equilibrium follow from expansion of the generating function (p*x + q*y)^2? Allele frequency remaining constant follows from renormalization, as expected number of x alleles is 2p and y alleles is 2q.

If you consider the old Browns and the Ravens to be the same franchise, then all 32 NFL franchises have spent at least one week in last place of DVOA since 1979.

Blue Line Update: Normal service has resumed between Wonderland and Orient Heights.

Is Sacco up to the awesome responsibility of coaching the Centennial Game?

Kadlick/Kyles is the new Paxton/Pullman.

Is Frosty Bias on Bluesky? I need assurances that I’ll be reminded daily that Reggie Lewis and Len Bias are dead.

Hey gang of amphibious Spaniards! This week’s Phrase that Pays is, “I would tongue that ass til I tasted Fall River.”

I am not a Christmas girlie, but having siblings with kids makes it way more fun.

News Item: Bertucci’s is debuting a brand new concept, and its first location will be in Boston.

How am I the least chill guy on Twitter?!

Man, it seems like the Lions and the Cowboys play EVERY Thanksgiving!

After all the jacks are in their boxes
And the clowns have all gone to bed
You can hear happiness
Staggering on down the street
Footprints dressed in red
And the wind whispers
“Mary.”

All the suckers getting to the airport early means you can get there 55 minutes before your flight leaves.

Honk if you think Ted Williams should have won the 1941and 1947 AL MVP Award.

Sam Kennedy would like you to know that the Sox are just so darn disappointed Snell decided to go with another offer but that coming this spring to America’s favorite ballpark you can get a Guy Fieri smash burger and a cup of New England’s favorite Legal Seafood chowder for only $89!

ESPN putting out playoff rankings every week that are 100% meaningless and using that as an excuse to do a segment where Paul Finebaum yells about it is terrorism.

Does the Herald still run ‘Clip’ Callahan’s HS football article every Thanksgiving?

Bit of a stumble out of the gates for UConn MBB.

Is Bill James okay?

Breaking: Daniel Jones to sign with Vikings’ practice squad after release from Giants, per sources.

Best bet for the weekend: Open Newbury: Holiday Stroll! Join us for car-free shopping and holiday fun on Sunday, December 1, and Sunday, December 8. Fun!

Anyone who false starts is *a Patriots offensive lineman. Anyone that commits holding is a well-disciplined Patriots offensive lineman.*

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, BSMW‘s Lazslo Panaflex, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. You want it all, but you can’t have it (yeah, yeah, yeah) It’s in your face, but you can’t grab it (yeah, yeah, yeah)

*Jeanne Crane and friend wish you a Happy Thanksgiving.*

Football Cat’s Thanksgiving Picks

Posted on November 26, 2024 by naop One comment

In honor of the big (BIG!) PRE INFRA-BLACK FRIDAY sale at the official the 15 store, Football Cat is generously giving out free money – in the form of bonus Thanksgiving picks. What better way to thank your host or hostess than with a high quality “It’s Called #Owning” coffee mug or the ever popular Jonathon t-shirt?

Shop early and often, and remember to tell them that Football Cat sent you.

EARLY EATERS TIME
Bears at Lions (-10.5)
Jungle Kings feast on roasted ursine knee caps

All shirts are available in men’s sizes from Medium all the way up to 3XL.

LATE EATERS TIME
Giants at Cowboys (-3)
Pokes pop Pituitaries

A Hall of Fame owner with Hall of Fame fashion sense

SECOND DINNER TIME
Dolphins at Packers (-3.5)
Meat men pack Dolphins into a Tua casserole

BLACK FRIDAY SPECIAL
Raiders at Chiefs (-12.5)
The Black Hole boys get black eyes on Black Friday

He tells his barber “Give me the Jonathan”

Football Cat lives in New Hampshire, enjoys watching football, and is a cat.

Football Cat’s NFL Week 12 Picks ’24

Posted on November 22, 2024 by naop Leave a comment

For first-time hosts, or even experienced cooks, the Thanksgiving turkey can be a nerve-wracking dish to prepare once a year. Football Cat has some tips to reduce any anxiety over cooking your turkey this year.

Thawing Turkey Safely
There are two safe ways to thaw a turkey: in the refrigerator or in cold water. Thawing a frozen turkey on the kitchen counter, in hot water, or in the garage is not safe. Even though the center of the package may still be frozen, the outer layer of the food is in the Danger Zone between 40 and 140 degrees F — a temperature range where food-borne bacteria multiply rapidly. No matter which method you use, thawing a turkey takes time.

Cooking Turkey Safely
Regardless of how your turkey is cooked, insert a food thermometer into the thickest part of the breast, the innermost part of the wing and the innermost part of the thigh to check that its internal temperature at all three spots is at 165 degrees F.

Need more information about Thanksgiving food safety? Call Football Cat’s Meat and Poultry Hotline at 888-MPHotline (888-674-6854). Football Cat’s Meat and Poultry Hotline will be open on Thanksgiving Day from 8 a.m. to 2 p.m. EST.

SUNDAY LUNCH TIME
Chiefs (-11) at Panthers
Scary black cats catch the Chiefs licking their wounds

Vikings (-3.5) at Bears
Da’ Bears are da’ done

Titans at Texans (-7.5)
Oilers learn you can’t go home again

Flipping the Nixon to the fine folks in Houston

Lions (-8) at Colts
Colts get caught looking ahead to their Week 13 bye week

Patriots at Dolphins (-7)
Tua smears Mayo

It has the Patriots’ beat writers seal of approval!

Buccaneers (-5) at Giants
Tommy Cutlets is back, ba da bing! Giants still lose.

The Giants aren’t winning this game! I don’t care how many dago guinea wop greaseball goombahs come out of the woodwork!

Cowboys at Commanders (-10)
Commies kick the ever living shit out of the Cowboys.

SUNDAY DINNER TIME
Broncos at Raiders (-5)
Bo Nix is YOUR Rookie of Year!

I hope his grandchildren can make it to the ceremony.

49ers at Packers (-2)
Packers pulverize Prospectors

Cardinals (-1) at Seahawks
Pretty Red Birds roast the Fake Sea Birds

SUNDAY PROWL TIME
Eagles (-3) at Rams
American Birds soar high in the City of Angels

A belated Happy 40th Anniversary to Sam the Olympic Eagle

MONDAY PROWL TIME
Ravens (-3) at Chargers
Scary Black Birds get shocked

Football Cat lives in New Hampshire, enjoys watching football, and is a cat.

11/20/24 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

Posted on November 20, 2024 by scartsy15 Leave a comment

No one goes undefeated anymore. Not the Chiefs, not the Cavs. No one.

Ah, the old ‘use an Emirates NBA Cup group stage game as cover to fire the hockey coach’ trick.

Nick Pivetta declines qualifying offer, per source. You go, Breslow!

Larry Johnson, a great guy who’s been reunited with his feet in Heaven. RIP.

Carter’s best attribute is being paired with Scal.

I love when people suggest pulling the team off the floor as if anyone would ever do that.

Chris Forsberg should have a wetter voice.

Mark Daniels is a one-man ‘The Onion’ headline generator.

Cakes are cooking for Dick Smothers, Joseph Biden, Norman Greenbaum, Veronica Hamel, Joe Walsh, Jacqueline Hansen, John Bolton, Rodger Bumpass, John Van Boxmeer, Mark Gastineau, James P. McGovern, Sean Young, Ming-Na Wen, Mike D, Alex Arias, Chris Childs, Jeff Tarango, Callie Thorne, Sabrina Lloyd, Joey Galloway, Jerald Moore, Dierks Bentley, J.D. Drew, Dominique Dawes, Nadine Velazquez, Carlos Boozer, Jared Followill, and Michael Clifford.

Last week the neighbor invited me over to watch the Tyson fight. Is it 1996?

Hey gang, this week’s Phrase that Pays is, “I mourn Vince Young’s career every day.”

Nashua, it’s like a baby Philadelphia.

I’ve seen very little evidence that Trey Lance is a real person.

LinkedIn is so pointless other than for cyber bullying.

Dondero is like these new age weed growers that cross pollinate strains of weed and call it like ‘Bazooka Man Vagina’ or some shit.

Dakota wasn’t wrong about loser DNA. He just had the wrong guy and not Embiid.

Pagliuca is starting to look like Joe Pesci playing David Ferry in JFK.

Does Mark Daniels have such an underbite from getting his teeth kicked in over and over?

The Commonwealth is famous for giving Sacco’s a fair shake.

Paul George did not sign a super max, nor was he eligible for one or needed one, as they are reserved for players with under 10 years of service to be able to exceed their normally limited maximum % of the team’s salary cap based on certain performance benchmarks, allowing them to then make up to 35%, instead of 25% or 30%, with 35% being what Paul George was already eligible to be paid as he had played 14 years in the National Basketball Association.

It’s fair to wonder how much Shukri’s angry video influenced Sweeney decision.

Qatar MNT superfan Alexi Lalas cosplaying as an American fan is interesting/

Ty Jerome does not jump as high as his name would imply.

We live in a tough time where it is most wise to save money, but there’s more ways than ever to spend money and everything is more expensive.

Larry Johnson was blacker than Deuce Tatum.

Denver is just a big sprawling suburb with the mountains in the background.

e in – Cuddy.

Netflix is that kid that tells 4 friends to come over his house cause his parents are away for the weekend.

Honk if you remember Bruins Head Coach Mike Sullivan.

Curran rapes Phil Perry weekly.

Neely and Sweeney will have run through Julien, Cassidy, and Montgomery yet are not on the hot seat themselves? How come?

I been in the right place
But it must have been the wrong time
I’d have said the right thing
But must have used the wrong line
I been on the right trip
But I must have used the wrong car
Head is in a bad place and I wonder what it’s good for

I been in the right place
But it must have been the wrong time
My head is in a bad place
But I’m having such a good time
I’ve been running trying to get hung up in my mind
Really got to give myself a good talking to this time

Bo Nix has been named the AFC Offensive Player of the Week. He’s the first Broncos rookie QB in franchise history to earn the award.

Maybe it’s just me, but if the game was officiated correctly, I think the Celts win by 30.

Bryan Mata and Isaiah Campbell DFA’d.

If picking up disoriented guys is a skill, give Steve Buckley the gold medal.

I’m now all-in on the Drake Maye over hype. It’s the quickest way to get Mayo fired.

Bert Breer has fetal alcohol syndrome eyes.

I’m going to work “Culture Metric” into all facets of my life.

I generally prefer Principalities over Emirates.

Argonaut Arbuckle with a backup QB performance for the ages in the Gery Cup final.

Best bet for the weekend: a speed matchup in Miami.

*May your green recliner be comfortable and your bowl of snack orbs bottomless, L*arry.

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. Prepare yourself, you know it’s a must. Gotta have a friend in Jesus. So you know that when you die, He’s gonna recommend you to the spirit in the sky (spirit in the sky)

*And happy birthday to actress Bo Derek.*

Football Cat’s Week 11 Picks

Posted on November 15, 2024 by naop Leave a comment

It’s a big weekend for fans of celestial events! Not only will the full Beaver super moon be aligning with the Pliades star cluster each night, but the Leonid meteor shower will be peaking in the wee hours of Saturday and Sunday. So grab the lawn chair and a blanket and get out there. If you’re looking for me I’ll be sleeping in your bed, so please leave the electric blanket on.

SUNDAY LUNCH TIME
Packers (-5) at Bears
Meat men send Bears to early hibernation

Jaguars at Lions (-13.5)
Lions maul my good friend Mac

My good friend Mac before the Lions horribly disfigured him

Raiders at Dolphins (-7)
The Autumn Wind is a Raider, pillaging just for fun. He’ll knock you ’round and upside down, and laugh when he’s conquered and won.

Rams (-5) at Patriots
Mayo’s merry men keep the good time vibes rolling along.

Browns at Saints (-1)
Dark Elf magic house of Saints

Ravens (-3) at Steelers
Men of Steel cage Scary Black Birds

Vikings at Titans (-6)
Vikings flatten Tits

Colts at Jets (-4)
The new Undersecretary for Human Services leads the Jets to victory

SUNDAY DINNER TIME
Falcons at Broncos (-2.5)
Falcons thrive in the thin air

Seahawks at 49ers (-6.5)
Purrdy downs Fake Sea Birds

Chiefs at Bills (-2)
For thousands of years, Native Americans relied heavily on buffalo for their survival and well-being, using every part of the bison for food, clothing, shelter, tools, jewelry and in ceremonies. Except the wings oddly enough. Chiefs remain undefeated.

These are even better than chicken fingers

SUNDAY PROWL TIME
Bengals at Chargers (-1.5)
Stripey Cats drain Bolts batteries

I bet my Nana still has some of these in her junk drawer

MONDAY PROWL TIME
Texans (-7.5) at Cowboys
Fun Fact: The flags of six countries have flown over Texas. Don’t mess with the Texans.

Football Cat lives in New Hampshire, enjoys watching football, and is a cat

11/13/24 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

Posted on November 13, 2024 by scartsy15 Leave a comment

Nice win out in St Louis, Bruins. Monty might still be the coach for the Centennial Game!

It’s really cruel of the NBA to introduce another title that the Knicks can’t win.

There is a better chance of the tooth fairy floating into your room tonight, kicking your ass and drinking all your beer than the Red Sox signing Juan Soto.

One does not simply walk into Bobby Dodd Stadium at Hyundai Field.

Pasta is great, but it’s not a side.

Cakes are cooking for Joe Mantegna, Roger Steen, Gilbert Perrault, Merrick Garland, Andy Ranken, Tracy Scoggins, Chris Noth, Whoopi Goldberg, Aldo Nova, Charlie Baker, Greg Abbott, Neil Flynn, Blair Rasmussen, Vinny Testaverde, Jimmy Kimmel, Mark Fitzpatrick, Pat Hentgen, Gerard Butler, John Francis Zingg, Noah Hathaway, Metta Sandiford-Artest, Asdrúbal Cabrera, Lando Norris, and Emma Raducanu.

Cavemen must have had mad hemorrhoids, wiping their hairy asses with leaves and whatnot.

Did we throw Strahan in Gitmo yet?

It’s WILD that Tommy Boy had a contest so if you could properly identify the sample used in the hook of De La Soul’s “Plug Tunin'” single back in Fall ’88 you could win $500… That’s equivalent to $1333 in 2024.

The local scribes were this excited and optimistic when last year’s Patriots team got win #3, right? Right?

BlueSky’s getting more beta. Heyooooooo!

Kevin Owens joining the Bloodline 2.0 would be so insane and I’m all for it.

That Dickerson tweet is amazing. “Just teaching my son to be an asshole to total strangers for no real reason. So proud.”

At least they don’t need to air the old man smell out of the White House now.

Hey gang, of vowel purchasers, this week’s Phrase that Pays is, “Treat yourself to a round of sausage.”

Excited to report kids in middle school are still reading Mike Lupica books.

Quin Snyder looks like a Tom Hanks stunt double in Philadelphia.

Red Line Reminder: November 18-24 Shuttle buses replace service between Harvard & Broadway for track work. Shuttles will not directly service Park St or Downtown Crossing. Riders can board at Haymarket & State.

I thought John Basedow died in the tsunami.

Jalen Ramsey has the busiest facemask I’ve ever seen for a DB but he pulls it off.

I wasn’t going to watch the NBA Cup tournament until they debuted a new design on the ball.

We lost Carlo Imelio? Sad. Often beaten, never defeated.

Good to see Steve Kerr (who was missing Podziemski and Melton) was still able to find a way to play eleven players IN THE 1ST QUARTER(!) of the game in a sport he’s adamant you can’t do that kind of thing in.

It’s been six months
She hasn’t shut up once
I’ve tried to explain
She’s driving me insane

She won’t even miss me when she’s gone.
But that’s OK with me, I’ll cry later on.

Talk to ya later.
Don’t wanna hear it again tonight.
I’ll talk to ya later.
Just save it for another guy.
Oh, talk to ya later.
Don’t wanna hear it again tonight.
I’ll just, see you around.

Something about Mountain Dew with Chinese Food just hits.

Honk if you remember Pat Paulson.

Mookie Betts is a Silver Slugger Award winner for the fourth time with the Dodgers and seventh time in his career.

Are eggs two bucks a dozen yet?

The Bears have released veteran G Nate Davis, who they shopped prior to the trade deadline. He started 13 times over the last two seasons for them.

Have you not turned the heat on in your house yet? Let us know in the comments.

I did it. I made it not rain. I bought new wiper blades. Sorrey!

Baylor Scheierman impresses in his G-League debut.

Halloween candy at only 33% off, CVS? That’s not gonna cut it. Fifty!

It’s gonna be funny when Surgeon General RFK throws the ‘celebrity’ callers/change counters in the Guantanamo Bay Weight Loss Camp.

News Item: The Ground Round restaurant returning to Massachusetts.

Best bet for the weekend: McVay outduels Mayo on short rest.

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Emo Phillips, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. Heard it in a love song. Can’t be wrong.

*Bianca de la Garza staying hydrated at her book release party.*

No Quit in Queta – Celtics Column

Posted on November 11, 2024 by TheIntern15 Leave a comment

By Vinny Jace, Special to the15net dot com:

A loaded Celtics team faced a hidden challenge heading into the preseason: How would they manage the minutes when Al Horford wasn’t on the floor, given Kristaps Porzingis would be out until at least Christmas?

The Celtics’ offensive strategy was well-balanced this season: – They ranked among the top 3 teams in three-point attempts – Simultaneously maintained a strong post presence (2nd in post-up attempts) – Led the league in post-up efficiency (1.13 PPP)

Queta doesn’t shoot threes, but he dunks. Like, a lot. In Boston’s first seven games, Queta dunked eight times in 97 minutes(!). Playing against a team lacking in size like Golden State, Queta feasted, dunking four times in 28 minutes in his largest stint of the season. Queta dominated with four dunks in 28 minutes, his longest playing time of the season.

Boston doesn’t need to be great in the paint to win. They do need to be a credible threat so when the defense collapses they aren’t discombobulated when the threes aren’t falling and they’re being blocked from the basket.

Last season backup center Luke Kornet played the role as an effective stop-gap big man. He was a steady presence, able to use his long arms to disrupt offenses by effectively protecting the rim and jumping to block the shooters view of the basket, which became nominally known as the “Kornet Contest.” However, his ability to score efficiency fell off. His previous mark of 70% from the field now sits at 58%.

Queta: – Opponents shoot 59% from 6 feet – 5.7 attempts per game

Kornet: – Opponents shoot 62% from 6 feet – 4.4 attempts per game

The trade-offs between Queta and Kornet are: Kornet is longer, can cause disruption on the defensive side more effectively than Queta. Queta is way more athletic and provides an energy reminiscent to Robert Williams. Dunks are among the most valuable shots in the modern NBA, and Queta possessing the ability to bulldoze his way to the basket at will is a helluva ace to have up your sleeve.

Queta, not Tatum or White or Jaylen Brown, is Boston’s leader in net rating this season at plus-20.2. Sitting prettily above Shai-Gilgeous Alexander at 7th on the net rating rankings. A lot of this has to do with Tatum’s effectiveness with the all-bench lineup, where the fruits of Joe Mazzulla’s brand of basketball really takes shape. Generating clean open looks from beyond the arc, that also makes the paint more accessible for players like Queta to capitalize off lobs and PnRs.

Given these promising early returns from Queta’s performance, there’s strong reason to believe he’ll provide excellent value on his current contract. If Queta can merely do what Kornet did last season and keep the team afloat in the dog days, he’ll exceed the value of his small $2.2 million contract.