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Category Archives: 2024
Football Cat’s Super Bowl Picks
49ers (-2) at Chiefs in Las Vegas
Patrick Mahomes has more lives than a cat, but I can’t pick against Brock Purrrdy. Competent game management wins Soupeys. So there.
My SB MVP Pick? former Panther Christian McCaffrey
Halftime performance cameo appearance with Usher? Doja Cat.
Best SB commercial: Hellmann’s ‘Mayo Cat’
Thanks to all the humans who assisted in me making my picks this year. Except when they steered me into the wrong team. Hiss! Let’s do this next season! Unless I don’t want to.
Football Cat lives in New Hampshire, enjoys watching football, and is a cat.
2/07/24 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer
With his third DUI arrest, Pat Mahomes Sr. now qualifies as a branch on the Andy Reid family tree.
I wonder how much ownership stake it took for Theo Epstein to agree to be a human shield.
Sick of the BS from the zebras with Marchand again. The entire team can’t get a call because he’s the Captain and was an asshole ten years ago.
Any time you can rig the Super Bowl for a media market smaller than Hartford, you gotta do it.
If you can’t spot the Dan Greenberg of your group chat, then you’re the Dan Greenberg of your group chat.
Cakes are cooking for Rolf Benirschke, Emo Phillips, Carney Lansford, James Spader, Garth Brooks, Chris Rock, Sully Erna, Alex Bassi, Robyn Lively, Steve Nash, Ashton Kutcher, John Leicester, Matt Stafford, and Steven Stamkos.
What am I going to do with all of my extra Bluesky codes now?
Gary Kubiak went the Clemens & Kardashian route of having all his kids names start with K? Gross.
Chris Curtis was excited to announce the news of Carl Weathers passing. RIP.
So they stuffed all the media covering the Super Bowl into the Luxor, which is apparently a dump? Good.
If you have two Patrick Passes, you have none.
Red Line Reminder: Through February 14 Shuttle buses replace Red Line service all day between Alewife and Harvard, due to track work. Shuttle service extends to Park St after 8:45 PM each day. Regular service will resume on February 15.
Would you rather be Nemo from Finding Nemo or the shark from Jaws?
Usher is finishing up a 2-year residency in Vegas. Assumed it was at the Circus Circus buffet.
I’m disappointed in Dumb Donkey Noise.
Bill Clinton’s presidency ended 23 years ago…. and he’s still younger than the two current candidates.
The ‘Ruth Gordon’ IG filter was a bad idea.
Felger must be wondering now if that’s also a fake Gene Lavanchy leaving things at his house.
It would be nice if wrestling fans could just let a story play out instead of thinking they should get instant satisfaction crammed into every 3-hour Raw or 2-hour Smackdown.
Put more jelly on your toast.
News Item: Red Sox to be 1st MLB team featured in all-access Netflix documentary series.
I guess my sarcasm doesn’t always translate.
Hey glow-up gang, this week’s Phrase that Pays is, “She’s lovely, just an enormous waste of humanity.”
I know I’m old and out of loop musically, but if someone is really “iconic,” I really think that even I should have heard of them.
Eric Bieniemy must be the worst interviewee in the world.
1,100 bats seems like a lot of bats.
You can’t use ED to mean ‘eating disorder!’ Those initials are spoken for!
Taylor Kyles can’t keep talking about reviving Mac Jones. He just can’t.
Red Sox Nation is still accepting applications to its in-house tortured poets department.
Get well soon Bill James.
Lombardi bringing up Lee Harvey Oswald at every possible opportunity is a funny bit.
You know I love the ladies
Love to have my fun
I’m a high life flyer and a rainbow rider
A straight shootin’ son-of-a-gun (Alright)
I said a straight shootin’ son-of-a-gun.
Joy to the world
All the boys and girls
Joy to the fishes in the deep blue sea
Joy to you and me.
Shukri Wright is owed $46,394.30 and he’ll never find out.
Toby Keith wanted to add Riblets to his Bar & Grill menu; it fell to Upton Bell to inform him that Applebees Owns Riblets.
Honk if you remember Paul & Al’s wacky Claiborne Pell.
Imagine being turned down by Nick Caley, of all people, while you jet off to the Grammys?
Bankrupt Audacy didn’t sent any WEEI talent to broadcast from Radio Row? Weird.
I ain’t calling no grown man, ‘Bronny.’
One week from today Red Sox pitchers and catchers will be holding their first official work out in Fort Myers.
Monique needs to go breathe in the woods.
I wonder if Apollo Creed was based on any real-life pugilist?
Extremely telling and problematic that in sports there are only stats for how many points you scored. No stat for how many spirits you lifted. How many hearts you warmed.
Best bet for the weekend: Tie: Swifties on FlightAware/The Drake Curse.
Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, BSMW Poster Lebron, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. Jeremiah was a bullfrog. He was a good friend of mine.
1/31/24 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer
Purdy got very lucky on the Aiyuk throw, but you gotta give dude his flowers. He’s been a gamer in the biggest moments this postseason.
Hey, Red Sox fans, who doesn’t love a diversified suite of sports and entertainment holdings?
People care way too much about Taylor Swift at Chiefs games. Her boyfriend plays, of course she’s there. She doesn’t make anyone show her on TV. I watched years of Jack Nicholson at Lakers games and Spike Lee at Knicks games. Nobody seemed to think it was the end of the world.
I think it’s time to end the Brian Scalabrine experiment. We’ve taken this as far as we can.
Kyle Shanahan was born in 1979. He should have to bend the brim of his hat.
Karl Anthony Towns is KAT. Derrick White is The Catalyst.
Cakes are cooking for Charlie Musselwhite, Jonathan Banks, Nolan Ryan, Kelly Lynch, Kelly Moore, Minnie Driver, Portia de Rossi, Jim Kleinsasser, Kerry Washington, Justin Timberlake, and Yuniesky Betancourt.
Oh goodness no, Lamar. That’s a disaster.
70 ain’t what it used to be. That said it’s still insane when dudes get there.
Well, even if you don’t much care for Kansas City, a Harbro losing must dull the pain somewhat.
Jeff Goodman, he seems well adjusted.
‘Eye test’ is now a phrase people who have no idea what they are watching use to sound like they know football.
It’s nearly 3 weeks later, has the great big emergency at the cardboard factory been straightened out yet?
Probably wouldn’t fuck your knees up if you wore appropriate footwear you silly cvnt.
I prefer Linebacker Reasons rather than Safety Reasons.
I’m told Jim Harbaugh remains in the building at the facility, as I type this, per source. #Chargers
Belichick to the Chiefs? Why would Andy Reid retire? It’s not like he has any more sons that can die or go to jail.
Just heard “Stacy’s Mom” in spatial audio and I almost teared up.
Curt Menefee is Great Value James Brown.
Justin Turner and his representatives reached out but could not get the Red Sox interested enough to engage in talks. He will be a significant, needed addition for the Blue Jays.
I love Elephants, amazing video.
I don’t get this Cerrone Battle thing. He lives in Raleigh. Are there no black guys living in greater Boston who are qualified to act as a human shield for 98.5’s on air racism?
Hey gang of Ocean State disbelievers, this week’s Phrase that Pays is, “The Voluntown-Exeter War will be bloody and pointless.”
Gronk talks like he’s concocting a story by looking at items scattered throughout a room.
Be more desperate to find an alcoholic who peaked in high school that will tune you up once or twice a month. You can’t.
Better recurring letdowns by the C’s in the third quarter than in the fourth, I guess.
Baby-baby, I’ll meet you,
Same place, same time,
Where we can get together
And ease up our mind.
Oh, do a little dance, make a little love;
Get down tonight, woo! Get down tonight, hey!
Do a little dance, make a little love.
Get down tonight, get down tonight, baby.
Craig Carton went to prison for a Ponzi scheme. He seems trustworthy.
Disappointed in the lack of gratuitous lesbian sex in the first episode of the new season of Hightown.
No matter what else he does, Dante will always be Rufio to me.
Honk if you remember Aqua Teen Hunger Force.
Competent people outside the organization aren’t exactly lining up to work for Jonathan and Robyn, are they?
I like Jan’s tweets. They’re very informative.
Fenway Sports Group doubtless brings Joe Mooney’s lifetime of groundskeeping experience to their partnership in the LIV/PGA merger.
Nobody told you the Celtics weren’t ever going to trade Brogdon.
It might be time to retire and repurpose my Dave Meggett fan account.
Sometimes it’s easy to forget Gary Tanguay wrote the most disturbing book of all time.
I’m sure eventually Lamar Jackson will have more playoff wins and AFCCG appearances than Ryan Tannehill.
Mutual partings of the ways; they happen in Foxborough and even in Tewksbury, Danny.
Have you signed up for Bruce Allen’s newsletter at BSMW.email yet? First one’s free.
Time for Cam Achord to follow his true calling: selling me percs in 2006.
Jimy Williams. He feuded with Carl Everett and called Christopher Nixon, ‘Drut.’ RIP.
Best bet for the weekend: Good Kid Pasta scoring in the NHL All Star Game.
Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Peter Gammons, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. Oh, that’s the way, uh-huh, uh-huh I like it, uh-huh, uh-huh.
Football Cat’s NFL Conference Championship Picks
Four teams, two games. Football Cat predicted three correctly last week. Let’s go!!!
SUNDAY SNACKTIME
Chiefs at Ravens (-3.5)
Missouri has bobcats and mountain lions, Maryland only bobcats. But the Evil Birds are evil and will prevail.
SUNDAY DINNERTIME
Lions at 49ers (-7)
Jungle Kings versus Purrrdy and his Prospectors. The heart wants the felines to win, but the head will stick with San Francisco.
Football Cat lives in New Hampshire, enjoys watching football, and is a cat.
From The 15 Vault – 10/21/2020 Cleaning Up the Sports Sandwich Shoppe
(Originally published October 21, 2020 at BJBSJournal.com)
Sounds anecdotal.
I’ve always wanted to fondle a pitching rubber and get John Tudor’s autograph, not to mention, put in writing how I feel about the trio of fartknockers that run this organization.
Voting at Fenway? Joe Moody must be quite busy today!
Sorry, folks. Never in my life heard of Twix. And many of you probably never heard of the Clark Bar. Anyway, everyone knows that if we were constitutionally restricted to one (1) candy, it would have to be Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups. All you Twix freaks now have a moral obligation to go out and buy a month’s supply to keep your beloved candy in business.
Did you know the Red Sox traded Mookie? Zoinks!
Josh Allen? Not elite.
Cakes are cooking for Manfred Mann, Judith Sheindlin, Charlotte Caffey, Joey Harrington, and Kim Kardashian.
How many shares in the Red Sox do I have to buy to steal Linda from John? Would.
Steve Buckley coming out, and the fraud Ordway trying to come across as an advocate for sexual choice. He sat by silent while the revolving door of WEEI dickwads spewed anti-gay sentiment. Just recall when the gay marriage bill was in debate and how Glenn’s big ex-jock buddies ripped on that ad nauseum. They knew Buck was gay, and did this crap in his presence. Shame on Buck for his willingness to take a check at the expense of his own dignity, and shame on the gaggles of douchebags that put him in that dilemma. Don’t reinvent history and try to come off as supportive. All parties involved at WEEI are frauds and I’d expect nothing less at this point.
“Mother’s basement” is really a pre-WiFi insult. Now you can troll from anywhere in the house!
Also, I was today years old when I found out that Joe Buck is the son of Marv Albert. Gonna need a moment here.
Swishy. Sackface. And the Milkman’s Son. That’s it. That’s the post.
Last week, Dak Prescott gets hurt. This week, Dak Emrick announces his retirement. Some coincidence.
If Twix sponsored the ’67 Impossible Dream Red Sox Bobert would have crispy cookie and caramel smothered all over his mouth and down his chin every day.
You’re not changing my mind. In a way, never liking Kirk Minihane is an ADVANTAGE.
I wonder if there is a Boston Media Home for Little Wanderers? Butch Stearns and Pete Sheppard having morning coffee together. Doug Meehan cleaning the kitchen and complaining that Bob Lobel is a slob. Ted Sarandis coming home angry every night after yet another unsuccessful attempt to find a five dollar hooker.
Plain Black Hat is due to discover Midsommar next Summer.
Cool fall weather means it’s that time of year to stay inside, sit in a recliner in a dark room, and scratch your arms.
Tom Caron has always been a huge Liverpool FC. Yup, for sure, always.
If the day ends with a -y, then you can bet Trenni is on the hunt for men on Plenty of Fish.
He Got Game is retroactively bad because Ray Allen is a cunt.
Howdy, Taggers, Invisoneers, WordPressers and Slackers! This weeks Phrase that Pays is ‘Value-Pak Slap Mags!’ Honkies!
Does anyone know the fall hours at Whalom Park?
Can’t wait for the Red Sox Ownership Group to introduce Wally’s latest relative, ‘Financial Flexibility!’
Zoomy Zubes!
Mouse-wife to Mom-shell in the time it took to get that new tattoo, tattoo, tattoo!
Well actually, the building is no longer structurally sound and a family of 6 squirrels is now homeless. In this economy? How will they survive? This is what happens in Trumps America.
“Behind the Scenes at WCVB” That’s a book I’d buy…
-Amalia Barretta…was she the reason for the breakup of Chet and Nat?
-Frank Avruch…was he really a legendary swordsman?
-Derm Keohane…most knew him as the ugly guy in the small box doing sign language on the morning news before closed captioning was invented…what you don’t know is what a prick he was!!!
-Clark Booth…did he really have a larger porn stash than Bin Laden?
-Captain Bob…his scandalous secret life and X-Rated etchings!!!
-Jim Boyd…the shocking items he hid in his afro!
UMass football probably needed more practice time, too.
When are we finally going to cancel Pete Blackburn for misappropriation of gay culture?
Honk if you remember Mr. Magoo.
You can’t WFH an RPO!
Merloni, with his dyed facial hair and mop is resembling “the Great Svengarlic”, the fraudulent hypnotist that walked the Three Stooges out onto a flagpole.
It’s Wape Wice, for the good times.
Best bet for the weekend: Joe Buck overload.
material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, other writers, league and team sources, and #the15 were used in this column. Fare thee well, Robert LJ ‘HotDog’ “Bob from NH” Sandwich. You are missed.
1/24/24 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer
Can a badly broken folding table be used to wedge open a Super Bowl window? Asking for a Mafioso.
You think Jerod Mayo can’t handle an NFL coaching job? The guy had his own desk at Optum—I think he’ll do just fine.
It’s funny that the less the Celtics lose, the more the occasional losses become catastrophic referendums.
On Earth-67, Ron DeSantis is a retired Red Sox slugger.
Tem Lukabu? Do we need him to defend against the Steelers or against the Galactic Empire?
Arthur Blank looks like Vincent Price on a bender.
You will be able to see many spectacular players this season at Fenway Park, especially if you count the park itself as a player!
Hallie Kyed, gone too soon but never to be forgotten. Donations may be made at either https://gofund.me/1a3dd30a or Dana Farber/The Jimmy Fund.
Cakes are cooking for Neil Diamond, Michael Ontkean, Jumbo Ozaki, Yakov Smirnoff, William F. Readdy, Jools Holland, Nastassja Kinski, Rob Dibble, Mary Lou Retton, Tatyana M. Ali, Scott Speed, Scott Kazmir, Sean McVey, and Luis Suárez.
The nerds don’t understand football and the coaches don’t understand math.
Is the clam hockey team good?
Bill Barnwell looks like a credible suspect in the Zodiac Killer investigation.
GLX Reminder: Shuttle Buses replace service between North Station and Medford/Tufts this weekend, Jan 27-28, due to track work. Union Square riders can use Bus Routes 86, 87, or 91 to connect to shuttles or the Orange Line
MA Senator Ed Markey thinks Lukey Russert’s alleged ties to Buffalo are tenuous.
News Item: Rams’ defensive coordinator Raheem Morris is scheduling second in-person head-coaching interviews with the Falcons, Panthers, Commanders and Seahawks. He gets one more punch on his card and he gets a Dan Rooney-autographed football!
Tim Wakefield also endorsed the season ticket price increase from heaven.
At what point does some media member other than Dondero say that it’s fucked up that Jonathan and some PR lady are running football operations?
Doc is the Bucks coach? Doc is not the Bucks coach. Tommy is here? Tommy is not here?
Imagine saying a man looked “phenomenal.”
Just keep running Josh Allen like he’s Mike Alstott. That’s a sustainable plan for success.
Is Larry Brown coaching anybody now?
Hey gang, this week’s Phrase that Pays is, “STOP AND DIVE IF YOU’VE DONE THE MACARENA!”
I don’t know how official it is to be rated New England’s most versatile DJ.
Kyle Lowry is gonna get so fucking fat in Charlotte since he won’t have Jimmy Butler threatening to kill him if he eats another chicken wing.
I don’t trust people who use percentages arbitrarily.
Congratulations to Northeastern Woman’s Hockey on the Inaugural Woman’s Beanpot Championship! What? No, if there had been a Woman’s Beanpot before this year I think I would have heard about it.
Arthur Blank looks like the bad guy in every Three Stooges short.
I just learned like two days ago that Stanley drink tumbler isn’t the same Stanley that makes my box cutter and tape measure.
Nice mock draft, cumrag.
I had read every book from Michael Connelly but recently caught on to the TV series. Now having binge watched all nine seasons let me just say Titus Welliver IS Harry Bosch, and I can’t wait for season ten.
Tanner Houck looks 45 years old.
The opening seconds of that Shields MRI ad from 2019 featuring a member of the Patriots End Zone Militia has the same visual cadence as a presidential spot.
Is Bert Breer just gonna keep pretending that someone is paying him?
Honk if you remember Airwolf.
There really is no good way of teaching someone how to properly load a dishwasher without sounding like a condescending prick.
The REAL Damar Hamlin (Rest In Power) woulda had the first down.
Female stalkers are never hot.
You idiot, this isn’t a modern offense, it’s a contemporary offense!
They do it down on Camber Sands
They do it at Waikiki
Lazing about the beach all day
At night the crickets creepy.
Squinting faces at the sky
A Harold Robbins paperback
Surfers drop their boards and dry
And everybody wants a hat.
But behind the Chalet
My holiday’s complete
And I feel like William Tell
Maid Marian on her tiptoe feet.
Pulling Mussels From The Shell.
Pulling Mussels From The Shell.
Warning: If you find a bread clip on your tire, you are conflating your clickbait articles!
Ichiro deserves to be a unanimous selection for the HOF next year. Just as Griffey, Jr., Jeter, Beltre, etc. deserved it. Hopefully, that happens.
Doc’s first order of business: deport Thanasis Antetokounmpo.
Isn’t it bad to burn cash?
Every time you RT Thomas Carrieri he gets another zit and a nickel.
Shake the almond tree.
I hope The Sports Hub didn’t pick Jim Murray to express the station’s condolences to the Kyed family.
Who knew Abbottabad abutted Orchard Park?
We see you running ‘The Commisar Vanishes’ playbook, Jonathan.
Best bet for the weekend: mobile QB’s!!
Sam wanted me to say a few words about the upcoming season,
but I have a better idear: let’s break my son out of prison!” [crowd boos]
Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Bill James, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. Take me I’m yours because dreams are made of this. Forever there’ll be a heaven in your kiss.
Dominic ‘Dom’ DeSantis was selected out of Miami Dade College in the 23rd round of the 1989 MLB draft by the Boston Red Sox. He did not sign with the club. He then attended the University of New Orleans and was selected in the 28th round of the 1990 draft by Baltimore. Opting to again remain in school, he was finally signed following the 1991 draft, having been picked in the 20th round by the Phillies. The right hander pitched 4 minor league seasons, accumulating a 2.92 ERA and topping out at the High A level. He retired after a poor showing for the Duluth-Superior Dukes of the Independent League. Currently a sales manager in the Tampa Bay area, he has not held public office.
Football Cat’s Divisional Round NFL Playoff Picks
If you followed my betting advice last week I hope you bought yourself something pretty.
SATURDAY SUNSET
Texans at Ravens (-9.5)
Wildcatting Texans look good. Evil Birds are evil. I like the upset.
SATURDAY PROWLTIME
Packers at 49ers (-9.5)
Prospectors Prepared for Packers.
SUNDAY NAPTIME
Buccaneers at Lions (-6.5)
Pewts versus Pumas. Can’t pick against a cat team at this point in the season.
SUNDAY SUPPERTIME
Chiefs at Bills (-2.5)
Bisons lose because of penalties called on their idiot fans throwing snowballs, and worse.
1/17/24 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer
Before they bought the team the Krafts were probably shitty fans too. ‘Celebrity caller’ level knee-jerk dinks.
Those half Patriots half Cowboys hoodies are gonna go crazy.
The Good Kid is now in sole possession of 10th place in all time Bruins scoring list.
When Tom Werner said, ‘full throttle’, he meant, ‘due to a scheduling conflict, John W. Henry will be unable to attend the Winter Weekend event.’
WembyamaMania comes to TDGarden!
I don’t like NFL playoff games on Mondays (the originally scheduled one). They could have had 3 games Saturday, 3 games Sunday, and not stuck anyone with a short week in the postseason. It doesn’t seem fair.
Not sure why these players don’t copy Brady and go with a 1-millimeter full body wetsuit. Wouldn’t even know its cold and 1mm is not restrictive at all.
If you’re not Norwegian, you’re Mexican.
Cakes are cooking for James Earl Jones, Todd Susman, Steve Earle, Mick Taylor, Katalin Kariko, Steve Harvey, Chili Davis, Jim Carrey, Shabba Ranks, Jeremy Roenick, Derrick Mason, Zooey Deschanel, Dwyane Wade, Calvin Harris, and Jake Paul.
That is what the Eagles get for putting an offensive coordinator in charge of the defense.
The wrong local team is going full throttle.
I don’t think we appreciate enough how the centers know to snap the ball at a time it won’t bounce off the guy in motion.
Green Line Reminder: No train service between North Station and Babcock St (B), Kenmore (C+D), and Heath St (E) due to track work. Use buses to Copley/Back Bay. Use Orange Line between Back Bay and North Station. Regular service will resume Jan. 29.
Imagine being such a lazy piece of shit that you have to sniff chocolate instead of eating it.
This made me smiggle (that’s a word I made up, it’s smile + giggle)
I have been cancelled he screamed on ESPN while wearing a wifebeater.
Boston: hold my iced Dunkies.
So when is the town hall portion of this year’s Red Sox Winter Weekend?
A major offensive shakeup: The Saints are moving on from OC Pete Carmichael, per me and Tom Pelissero, changing their offense for the first time since 2009.
Hey gang of fabulous fabulists, this week’s Phrase that Pays is, “I’m strong, athletic, and savvy.”
Has there ever been a major league baseball player who was older than the sitting President?
I enjoyed The Holdovers. My wife found it depressing. I thought it was uplifting. Maybe it was both. Either way, amazing actors.
The carousel is still churning.
Jonathan watching Succession and taking notes like it’s a documentary.
Did Football Cat go 5 for 6 over Super Wild Card Weekend?
Update: Brandon Carlo, Derek Forbort, Matt Poitras, and Linus Ullmark are practicing.
Hear me out here. I would respect the Kyed and Wojak expose from last week a lot more if they actually had to work for it, and weren’t just running PR for Mayo et al.
I think that’s the Snapchat logo above the Rams nameplates. Every. Single. Time.
Help me, baby, ain’t no stranger.
Help me, baby, ain’t no stranger.
Help me, baby, ain’t no stranger.
Can’t you hear me knockin’?
Ahh, are you safe asleep?
Can’t you hear me knockin’?
Yeah, down the gas light street, now.
Can’t you hear me knockin’?
Yeah, throw me down the keys,
Alright now.
Hear me ringin’ big bell tolls.
Hear me singin’ soft and low.
I’ve been beggin’ on my knees.
I’ve been kickin’, help me, please.
The Marcus Stroman return home to New York has its potentil story if his 2d half hip issue(24 IP, after 112.2 in 1st is cured):father Earl a New York policeman, HS Jr. Jayden Duke-bound SS w/R.Cano comp Height Doesn’t Measure Heat Foundation msgical. Cape 2010-11? 34 IP, 0 R
Better Call Saul and Cat Detective, both shut out in Emmy voting. Like equals!
That’s terrible dirt.
Honk if you remember ‘Goodnight Beantown.’
Breakfast lasagna!
Green Bay QB Jordan Love’s girlfriend’s father is Boston College alum Ron Stone.
Feel better, cupcake. You sound like Gina Gershon.
Tom Caron must stare out the window all winter waiting for spring training to start.
Jon Bon Jovi is lucky he got to ring the lighthouse bell when he did.
Welcome back, Anita.
To me, the essence of Bill Belichick is a visor, a whistle wrapped around his finger and teaching moments in late July. Checking on punt protection in a near corner of one practice field. Pulling an undrafted rookie aside for a pointer or two in a far corner of another field…
I’m sure eventually Dak will have more playoff wins than Ryan Tannehill.
Get up, Jim Irsay.
Happy trails, Coach Murphy.
Best bet for the weekend: a spirited fake QB slide competition in Buffalo.
Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Bill James, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. Stop what’s goin’ on, stop what’s goin’ wrong.
You better listen from now on.
Football Cat’s Super Wild Card Weekend NFL Picks
Football Cat has graciously agreed to work the playoffs after very successful regular season. And so:
SATURDAY SUNSET
Browns (-2.5) at Texans
Tricksters versus wildcatters. ‘Stroud’ sounds like a cat warning growl, ‘Flacco’ sounds like one coughing up a hairball. Texans win.
SATURDAY PROWLTIME
Dolphins at Chiefs (-4.5)
Stupidly cold weather favors neither team. So playoff experience wins out. Kansas City gets the W.
SUNDAY SUNSET
Packers at Cowboys (-7.5)
Cows undefeated at home. Will that matter? Of course it will! Big D big W.
SUNDAY PROWLTIME
Rams at Lions (-3)
Sorry Shovey Sheep, but this is the only cat team in the playoffs. I’m going to be parochial.
MONDAY SUNSET
Steelers at Bills (-10)
Bisons don’t deserve to win after getting the game moved because of snow. But deserve got nothing to do with it.
MONDAY PROWLTIME
Eagles (-3) at Buccaneers
Buccaneers have momentum, Philly does not. The Pewter Privateers win at home.
Football Cat lives in New Hampshire, enjoys watching football, and is a cat.
The 15 