Just as the local nine begin their annual cool down, the remaining 8 tournament contests start heating up! #synergy
Region B 3 Rob Bradford vs 4 Steve Perrault Just a couple of massively annoying 50 something year old guys with a penchant for wrinkled haberdashery. Bradford wins the smirkoff.
Don’t you just want to smack him?
Region V 1 Gabby Starr vs * Lou Merloni First there was a tie:
Then there was still a tie:
When a tie – or a strike – needs to be broken there’s only one man to call. Lou DAMN Merloni!
I wasn’t a rat. And Steff wasn’t a danm dancer.
Lou has an unfortunate history of falling for women on poles, but today he will fall to a woman in a poll.
Lou? Lou is a colleague. But he’s going down. Like from Boston to Pawtucket? Because that happened to him? At his job?
Region N 1 Jared Carrabis vs 2 Tony Masserotti When Matt McCarthy drags his balls across your face it may be time to reevaluate things.
But it should also guarantee you a Regional N victory. Carrabis will tattoo Mazz in this lightweight match up.
Region T 1 Pete Abraham vs 3 Mike McCarthy
The Hobbit devours McTeethy for his second breakfast.
The Philadelphia Phillies organization regrets to inform you that the Phanatic has died from AIDS
Welcome to the first ever Summertime Sour Sixteen! If you like new media and Red Sox broadcasters, or more importantly if you don’t like new media and Red Sox broadcasters, then this is the competition for you! We’ve got six podcasters, seven current or former members of Red Sox radio/TV broadcasts, two crusty old newspaper men and one weepy grifter. (Sung to the tune of The Twelve Days of Christmas)
Region B 1 Dave O’Brien vs 4 Steve Perrault O’Brien wasn’t bad on radio play-by-play. However, he is so bad on TV that he actually makes people long for the days of Don Orsillo. Now that’s bad. Perrault is just one of the Carrabis’s many forgettable goofball sidekicks. O’Brien walks it off.
2 Chad Finn vs 3 Rob Bradford Hairy vag faced Bradfo will smother Wax Pack Chad under a pile of wrinkled t-shirts.
Chad should have stayed in the safety of internet free Mid-coast Maine
Region V (aka The Section 10 free region) 1 Gabby Starr vs 4 Justin MLB Here’s a tip for any of you looking to participate in next year’s Mini-Tourney. Put “MLB” in your twitter handle, it will set you apart from your average run of the mill baseball fans named Justin. Gabz won’t even need to come back from one of her many in-season vacations to dispatch Mr. Gonzalez.
2 Tom Caron vs 6 Hogdale The Hogriders came out in force and pushed their hero into Round 2. They may have misunderstood the assignment though. How could anyone not appreciate the passion that Grant Huckvale brings to the role of “Hogdale”? It’s always a tour de force performance. Grant is matched up with milquetoast Tom Caron. No matter how many hair plugs Caron gets, it will never be enough to mask his Megamind Forehead. Dr. Tom Leonard’s least successful client moves on.
His comb over is much more lustrous now
Region N 1 Jared Carrabis vs 4 Coley Mick Jared Carrabis is a better more knowledgeable fan than YOU. Sorry, just deal with it losers. “Coley Mick” is a lace curtain Irish dunce. “Car Rubbish”® will mash that bloated spud in the Section 10 showdown.
2 Tony Massarotti vs 3 Will Fleming It seems unfair to have the March Sadness runner up in the Midsummer Mini-Tourney, but that’s baseball. Maybe if Will Fleming starts speaking Spanish, Tony will run away and hide. Unfortunately the only Spanish Mazz will hear from Fleming is “No Más“.
Region T 1 Pete Abraham vs 4 Tyler Milikin This match up should be introduced by Dale Dorman as part of the Creature Double Feature. Sentient garden gnome (Abraham) takes on an obese two legged centaur (Milikin). The winner may depend on what country you live in.
Avert your eyes… they’re both hideous!
2 Tyler Broadman vs 3 Mike McCarthy Is Mike McCarthy the pudgy bearded millennial doofus who figured out you can lose weight by eating salads, or is he the pudgy bearded millennial doofus with horrible teeth, or is he the pudgy bearded millennial doofus who couldn’t successfully book flights for his honeymoon or is he McBone? It’s hard to keep track of all these wacky call screeners. Tyler Broadman may turn out to be a decent play-by-play man once he completes puberty, but his fake radio voice and Connecticut School of Broadcasting cadence make me want to ram my score keeping pencil in my ears. This a tough one, but McCarthy squeezes by.
Pick your poison… Morton’s Fork (without the option of jabbing the fork into your skull)… Between a rock and a hard place.. Iran vs Iraq… Choosing between Scylla and Charybdis (in this case more like Syphilis and Chlamydia)… Stuck between the devil and the deep blue sea… Picking the lesser of two evils… A Catch-22… Sophie’s Choice (but only if you wanted the Nazis to take both your kids)… it’s the 2025 March Sadness final showdown, it’s Felger vs Mazz!
Why won’t the Nazis take them both away?
The two behemoths of Boston Sports Radio square off so you can determine who will be crowned king of the dipshits.
Why vote for Mr. Massarotti? Mazz loves to call athletes soft, especially when they won’t interact with the media. Now, for the second time in 12 months, Tony has turned off replies on his Twitter account. His is a racist, hypocrite, coward, lapdog. At his core Mazz is luckiest leech on Earth. He bounced around on WEEI, and even the 1510 The Zzzzone, before latching on to Felger. More than happy to give up journalism for a chance to play the addle minded Costello to Felger’s angry Abbott, Mazz has ass kissed his way to the top of the Boston radio dung heap. A meteoric career in the most miserable medium ever invented, his many on-air faux pas are dismissed by a legion of excuse makers, who – unlike you – know what’s really in Tony’s heart (hopefully arteriosclerosis).
Why vote for Mr. Felger? Felger’s carpetbagger contrarian act has warped the minds of a generation of local sports media loving morons. We live among people who have whined and moaned throughout the greatest 20+ run in sports. A time period where we witnessed more championships than any city in the history of the world, and they didn’t enjoy them because Felger told them not to not believe what they were watching. Sure, a lot of these people are neurologically deficient, or unemployed squatting deadbeats, or were raised in broken homes by parents with missing limbs, but that is no excuse for the irreparable harm that Felger has done to them!
The Prediction: Mazz is going to channel the joie de vivre of those guys who stole Felger’s car and steal away the crown.
As you head out to the polls, never forget that much like those fish that escaped their bowl fire in that The Far Side cartoon, no matter how YOU vote, WE are equally screwed.
Well, thank God we made it out in time… of course, now we’re equally screwed.
Welcome to The Hateable Eight. You will never find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy. YOU must be vote cautiously.
More scum than villainy to be honest
Region C Final
2 Ted Johnsonvs 5 Andy Hart
A freakish mismatch that Mary Shelley would love. Frankenstein’s monster meets CTE-gor. Both are so inconsequential that WEEI isn’t even bothering to put either of their names on “The Afternoon Show”. Dumbo Hart has been polishing up on his polls, but he can’t beat this Johnson.
It’s alive, but their ratings are dead
Region V Final
1 Chris Gasper vs 3 Albert Breer
If you squint really hard this is a classic “Nerd” vs “Jock” showdown. Gasper thinks he’s smart because he owns a thesaurus and Bertie thinks he’s an All-American he-man because he beat an indecent exposure charge at THE Brohio State. Kid Gas knows how to pretend to be smart by using a big words when he writes, but it’s awfully strange how his vocabulary becomes very monosyllabic when not in print. And the dying print media is Gasper’s level. He quickly failed at his attempt of being a sports anchor on WCVB, and NESN recently pulled the plug on his little watched Boston Globe streaming TV venture.
When he’s not living vicariously through intercollegiate athletes at his beloved alma mater Albert Redenbacher Breer is busy battling Piping Plovers on the dunes of Duxbury. He also claims to be an NFL Insider, even though has no sources, he never ventures off his couch and has yet to break a single story. He’s great at confirming things, and telling you what he thinks, but much like his Austrian Großvater he knows nothing… NOTHING!.
All his families Nazi gold won’t be able help Albert buy a spot in the Final Four.
I see nothing, I hear nothing, and I say NOTHING!!!
Region N Final
1 Gabrielle Starr vs 2 Michael Felger
The big question heading into this match up is will either candidate NOT be on vacation today? When she’s not away on an all expenses paid trip, Gabby lays claim to the title of “Red Sox reporter” for the Herald, but everyone knows that the day-to-day beat work really belongs to Mac Cerullo. The “Gabby Starr Reporter” thing is really a vanity project, funded by her father. Which is a step up from her “Girl at the Game” blog which was a just a grift for trips and game tickets funded by her simp followers. I’m actually crying just thinking about it!
Felger somehow continues to be the dominant presence in the Boston Sports Mediot landscape, polluting the airwaves on 98.5 and NBC Sports Boston. He’s working two jobs just to avoid running into Gene Lavanchy at home.
Felger’s paint by numbers contrarian act won’t be enough to eclipse Gab’s shining star.
Out on the town again having the time of my life with a bunch of friends. They’re all just out of frame, laughing too!
Region T Final
3 Cerrone Battel Ackerman vs 4 Tony Massarotti
The last time Mazz came across a couple of guys like Mr. Battel Ackerman he ended up suspended for a week. Ironically, Mazz’s overt racism resulted in Battel getting the chance to sell his soul for a few weekend/holiday slots. Now Battel can cosplay as a Boston mediot, all while living comfortably down in North Carolina thanks to his bread-winning wife. There’s no way “a guy like that” is going to steal the Regional Title from Mazz. Cerrone can’t hear us right?
The images shown are for illustration purposes only and may not be an exact representation of the product
Region C 1 Mark Daniels vs 5 Andy Hart Rabbit eared, thin skinned Dumbo Hart loves his daily management dictated polls, but he won’t love this one. Daniels stomps on that little cockroach.
Aw, c’mon!
2 Ted Johnson vs 3 Jim Murray Smooth brained Ted pummels chrome domed Big Jim.
Region V 1 Chris Gasper vs 4 Adam Jones Kid Gas wins the “Hypogonadism Showdown” over Bonesy.
2 Andrew Callahan vs 3 Albert Breer Breer sends Soyjak to the showers
Region N 1 Gabrielle Starr vs 5 Nick “Fitzy” Stevens The Fake Ivy Leaguer eliminates the Fake Bostonian.
2 Michael Felger vs 6 Nick Cattles Every year Felger gets taken out by one of his acolytes, but shiny headed Nickeless won’t be the one.
Region T 1 Marc Bertrand vs 4 Tony Massarrotti Felger’s fool pulls off the upset
3 Cerrone Battle Ackerman vs 15 Trenni Casey Jerod Mayo would have dubbed this the “Imposter Syndrome” showdown, with both of these pretenders claiming to have insight into the hearts and minds of local sports fans, with neither actually having a clue. The Raleigh resident fends off the Farm Bred Wisconsinite.
The Round of 32 got off to a roaring start yesterday, with Faux Fitzy and Nickeless Cattles pulling off minor upsets, and Adam Jones beating back Chris Curtis’s unwanted advances (Lucy take note).
What does today have in store? Well that’s entirely up to YOU!
Region C 1 Mark Daniels vs 8 Mark Dondero After getting his ass handed to him by Daniels, expect to see Mr. Dondero pulling his hoodie closed a little tighter while monitoring the halls at Bellingham Memorial Middle School.
No running in the halls!
4 Scott Zolak vs 5 Andy Hart Everyone’s dream dad puts lil’ Andy in timeout
I want to watch Bluey!
3 Jim Murray vs 6 Brian Scalabrine Scal is annoying but Large Gymnasium is vile.
2 Ted Johnson vs 7 Dan Shaughnessy Mrs. Johnson’s PTSD is triggering at the thought of the beating Ted is going to unleash on Shank.
Region T 1 Marc Bertrand vs 8 Christian Arcand There will be no trouble brewing for The Far Side kid in this matchup
4 Tony Mazz vs 5 Dan Lifshatz Lifshatz’s best bet is Mazz advancing to the Sour Sixteen
3 Cerrone Battel Ackerman vs 11 Kendra Middleton Hopefully Kendra finds her missing epi pen before her swollen face gets any worse. Raleigh beats Jacksonville
Hoping Kendra had a blast in Ireland
7 Pete Abraham vs 15 Trenni Casey You people just do not like Trenni. Prove me wrong (you won’t)!
It was another glorious Evacuation Day yesterday. Hopefully you too are feeling much lighter and refreshed this morning, because it’s time to separate the dingleberries from the actual turds.
This is the strongest Round of 32 field in the long storied March Sadness Tournament history. In three out of the four regions all of the top 8 seeds advanced. Only Region T had 2 lower seeds advancing. The selection committee and the voters were definitely vibing in Round 1. Will that continue in the Round of 32? That’s for YOU to decide.
Region V 1 Chris Gasper vs 8 Jerry Thornton A man who enjoys cosplaying as a Marine won’t defeat a man who enjoys cosplaying as a sailor. Gasper will be absolutely cock-a-hoop tonight.
4 Adam Jones vs 5 Chris Curtis WEEI has buried Jonesy at middays so he can play out his contract in obscurity. Meanwhile Chris Curtis, formerly only famous for numerous Human Resource violations, was busy roasting Coach Mayo every Monday morning. Curtis send Jones packing too.
3 Albert Breer vs 6 James Stewart My sources are blowing up my phone, telling me that the Senior Fake Insider will be too much for the Wannabee Fake Insider to overcome.
2 Andrew Callahan vs 7 Bob Ryan Soyjack should send Jurassic Bob floating out to sea on an iceberg
Region N 1 Gabby Starr vs 8 Chad Finn The pretend Red Sox beat reporter could be on yet another vacation and she’d still easily out poll the pretend media critic.
4 Mike Giardi vs 5 Nick “Fitzy” Stevens The Greek fake Irishman upsets the mopey Italian
3 Fred Toucher vs 6 Nick Cattles Cattles tramples the Zoo Keeper and gets revenge for all the underemployed bald deniers in sportz (a very niche group)
2 Michael Felger vs 7 Karen Guregian Historically Felger doesn’t under perform until the Final Four. Karen gets Guregian’d.
If you went to bed early last night you missed a couple of white knucklers. Scott Zolak pulled out a dramatic last second win over Rich Keefe, and Rob Bradford got Guregian’d after a day-long rock fight with Karen. Remember to vote early and often, and to check back in regularly throughout the day to follow the dramatic proceedings.
Region C 8 Mark Dondero vs 9 Jared Carrabis Mr. Dondero is going to get the entire Bellingham Jr. High lunchroom to stuff the ballot box.
Save room for some spice cake!
7 Dan Shaugnessy vs 10 Meg Ottolini This should have been the Battle of the Recovery Ward. Shank is back in the tournament after almost missing last year due to emergency quadruple-bypass surgery. Jeff Howe was exempt in 2024 with a severe case of what physicians now refer to as factitious disorder imposed on self (formerly known as Munchausen syndrome). But then Ottolini had to stick her upsetting feet into the mix and pull off the wild card win over Howe. Jeff may never recover. Meg O thinks she’s hilarious, has momentum and hammer toes – that’s proving to be a winning formula.
Region V 1 Chris Gasper vs 16 Dan Greenberg Kid Gas facilely matriculates to the subsequent echelon.
Pretentious? Moi?
3 Albert Breer vs 14 Chris Smith Bert once again whips it out and gives Smith a golden shower.
7 Bob Ryan vs 10 Jackie MacMullen Jurassic World: The Journalistic Trenches. Watch as Bob “T-Rex” Ryan takes down Jackie “Metriacanthosaurus” MacMullen in a battle that time forgot! The CGI budget for Mr. Ryan’s teeth alone must have broken the bank. Good thing we have been tipped off on how to make money just for charging our phones.
Happier times
Region N 1 Gabby Starr vs 16 Joe Haggerty Pretty tricky of the committee to pit Ms. Starr up against “Pork Chop” Joe right before Shabbat. Expect Gabby to persevere.
5 Nick “Fitzy” Stevens vs 12 Chris Forsberg The Greek carpetbagger bags another victim.
2 Michael Felger vs 15 Phil Perry Felger doesn’t under perform until the Final Four.
Region T 6 Taylor Kyles vs 11 Kendra Middleton The DEI Derby! Were there no Boston bred slightly chubby 6’s that the Sports Hub could have hired? The Jacksonville Jackass will put a banana in Kyles tailpipe and pull off the minor upset.
2 Mike Reiss vs 15 Trenni Casey MAJOR UPSET ALERT! Historically these seedings should be reversed, but Trenni has become somewhat irrelevant, while Reiss has taken a dramatic heel turn in the past year. Hopefully Mrs. Casey gives Myke Crease a personal apology once she’s done beating his ass.
5 Andy Hart vs 12 Tom Carroll UPSET ALERT! Tommy Freezepops will release his inner fat slob (who is destined to resurface at a moment’s notice) and squash mighty mite Dumbo Hart like the little cockroach he is.
3 Jim Murray vs 14 Evan Lazar Lazar made a strong push over the weekend when he incorrectly reported that Myles Garrett had been given permission by the Browns to seek a trade, and then after his followers pointed out he was incorrect, he quickly – without admitting the error – pivoted to a slightly altered stance so he could still appear “right”. A complete weasel move by the Lizard. However Jim Murray is truly a odious human being with no redeeming qualities and will win this match up in a landslide.
6 Brian Scalabrine vs 11 Drew Carter The Mike Gorman Memorial match-up, where you, yes YOU, get to determine who is to blame for the sharp drop in the quality of Celtics broadcasts! We’d tell you how Scal thinks this one is going to turn out, but given Scal’s horrific record at replay review predictions, you’d already know the result. (Pssst, Scal is confident that Drew pulls off the upset.)
Region V
8 Jerry Thornton vs 9 Doug Kyed Last fall Jerry buried two of his brothers. Today he buries Kyed.
6 Jimmy Stewart vs 11 Matt McCarthy McTeethy should be a nervous as cat in a room full of rocking chairs. Although most intelligent cats would rather be in a room full of rocking chairs than in a room with J-Stew.
Region N
4 Mike Giardi vs 13 Michael Holley “It’s Girardi not Girardi, idiot.”
6 Nick Cattles vs 11 Mike Kadlick Kadlick was last year’s Cinderella story, but this year it’s pumpkin head Cattles who gets to dance with Prince Charming.
Region T
1 Marc Bertrand vs 16 Joe Murray Joe Murray seems seriously underrated as a 16 seed, but he has no chance in this battle of the behemoths. Bertrand swallows him whole.
4 Tony Massarotti vs 13 Matt Vautour I’m not really familiar with Vautour’s work but I’m willing to believe it stinks. I’m all too familiar with Mazz’s work and I know it’s terrible.
3 Cerrone Battle Ackerman vs 14 Rob “Hardy” Poole YOU didn’t think Ackerman should even be in this tournament! YOU thought the fact that he lives in podunk North Carolina and is completely out of touch with the Boston sports scene would be grounds for exclusion. Now YOU can’t wait to vote for him.
Good morning local sad sacks! You lost an hour of sleep yesterday, boo hoo. Cheer up buttercup, because there’s no better time to kickoff the 2025 March Sadness tournament than when you’ve got a case of the Mondays.
Region C #10 Jeff Howe vs Meghan Ottolini Jeff Howe somehow avoided another medical exemption, although the committee are currently submitting a FOIA requests to breach Jeff’s HIPPA HIPAA shield. Meghan Ottolini deftly dodged the Audacy ax man a few days, possibly based on her Celtics insider status but most likely due to the fact that she is on an expiring guaranteed contract. Why pay Meg-O to do nothing at home when you can pay her to do nothing at TD Garden?
Prediction: Jeff Howe once again fights off an early exit
Jeff is going to outlive Upton
Region V #11 Matt McCarthy vs Bobby Manning Matt McCarthy has been at 98.5 for almost 12 years now, and I challenge anyone to pick him out of a lineup of the menagerie of freaks they employ as phone screeners. But at least I know where McTeethy works, I honestly had never heard of Bobby Manning before the brackets came out. Whenever I don’t recognize a mediot’s name the first thing that springs to mind is “they must work at CLNS Media”. Nailed it! Apparently he covers the Celtics along with about 3 or 4 other interchangeable millennial hipster doofuses.
Prediction: McCarthy chews up Manning
Region N #9 Brian Barrett vs Jared Weiss It would be harder to find two more irrelevant combatants in any tournament duking it out for a 9 seed. Noted shoepisser Brian Barrett, host of “Off My Radar”, was neutered when the Celtics won #18. He is facing off against the Athletic/New York Times NBA correspondent Jared Weiss. Jared got a new title back in September. He’s not just covering the Celtics anymore, now he’s covering the entire Eastern Conference. If the promotion was meant to help his exposure, it isn’t working. The page views for his February/March articles (in reverse chronological order) are 46, 25, 113, 39, 42 and a whopping 13. The “Old Gray Lady” must be pulling her hair out.
Prediction: Barrett has one or two more hate listeners than Weiss has readers
Region T #7 Pete Abraham vs Kayla Burton Sensitive sentient garden gnome Pete Abraham must have finally blocked everyone on Twitter because now he’s solely sharing his thoughts on BlueSky. Kayla Burton is the new kid on the block over at NBC Sports Boston. She seems fine, so you’re probably wondering how on Earth could Kayla ever defeat the universally disliked (and probably smelly) Pete Abe? Well you must not be aware that if Kayla is victorious, she will square off in a Round 1 steel caged father-daughter death match with her dad, STEVE BURTON. Will it be Patricide/Filicide, or will Pete Abe face the dreaded Burton-Burton double dip? It’s up to YOU to decide.
The 15 