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Football Cat’s Week 4 NFL Picks ’25

Posted on September 26, 2025 by naop Leave a comment

Spanning the globe to bring you the constant variety of sport! The thrill of victory, and the agony of defeat! Welcome to Football Cat’s Wide World of Sports Weekend! In Asia there are the World Athletics Championship finishing up in Tokyo. In the Land Down Under we have an all feline Grand Final in the Australian Football League as the Geelong Cats (a personal favorite) take on the defending champion Melbourne Lions. In Brazil there’s the Grand Chess Tour Finals kicking off (a Blitz isn’t only in football kids). And who could possibly forget about everyone’s favorite jingoistic biennial golf tournament, that the Ryder Cup (any relation to Greg?) is taking place at Bethpage Black (any relation to Shirley Temple Black?) Even the Red Sox are prepping for the playoffs (PLAYOFFS?!?!) But Faith and Begorrah the most important international sporting event of the weekend will be taking place in the Emerald Isle, when the Steelers “host” the Vikings in the first ever regular season NFL game to ever be played on the auld sod. Why the Steelers you may ask? What a stupid question boy-o! Why I ought to bop you on the head with me shillelagh! The Steelers were the obvious choice because of their deep Irish roots. Steeler’s patriarch Art Rooney’s great-grandparents emigrated from Ireland way back in 1840 during the Great Famine. That means current Steeler’s owner Dan Rooney only has to go back four generations to reach his potato roots. Wow a 4th generation Irish American! There are only about 32 other million of those, and half are in Southie. So remember no matter how many times you drop “Sláinte” or “Éire go Brách”, your blood will never be as green as the Sainted Rooney family. Top o’ the mornin’ to YOU, ya’ spud!

The local Mick community couldn’t be more excited

_{And congratulations to Warren Dull’s Aunt on being the only human to ever defeat Football Cat}

Sunday Potato Pancake Time
Vikings (-2.5) vs Steelers
Stillers hand the Vikings their worst defeat in Ireland since the Battle of Clontarf in 1014

Brian Boru invented sudden death centuries before Bert Bell

Sunday Lunch Time
Commanders (-1.5) at Falcons
Penix stiffens up and balls out.

Saints at Bills (-15.5)
Even Saint Jude is backing the Bills in this one.

Browns at Lions (-9.5)
Jungle Kings smear the Browns

Titans at Texans (-7.5)
FUN FACT: This game showcases the only two teams in the NFL whose nicknames end in “ans”! Tex top Tit

Panthers at Patriots (-5.5)
Black cats get caught looking ahead to October.

Chargers (-6.5) at Giants
Jaxon Dart? More like Jaxon Sharts the bed!

Eagles (-3.5) at Buccaneers
American birds soar in this battle of the unbeatens

Sunday Dinner Time
Colts at Rams (-3.5)
Hairy sheep hand Indianapolis Jones his first loss

Jaguars at 49ers (-3.5)
Mac tames the Spotted Cats

My good friend Mac and I can’t stop owning

Ravens (-2.5) at Chiefs
Scary Black birds murder Mahomes

Bears (-1.5) at Raiders
It is officially fall, and the Autumn Wind is a Raider… Vegas baby!

Packers (-6.5) at Cowboys
Meat men grind up Cow boys

Monday Early Prowl Time
Jets at Dolphins (-2.5)
Jets take the toilet bowl

Monday Prowl Time
Bengals at Broncos (-7.5)
Stripey Cats succumb to hypoxia

Football Cat lives in New Hampshire, enjoys watching football, and is a cat.

Football Cat’s Week 3 NFL Picks ’25

Posted on September 19, 2025 by naop Leave a comment

Happy Upton Bell Day!

Every September 19th all of Patriots Nation gather together with their family and friends to celebrate the legacy of their one time wunderkind General Manager Upton Bell. Back in February of 1971, Billy Sullivan hired the snot nosed 33 year old Bell to be his GM. The most memorable moment of Upton’s brief reign of terror was when he forgot to mail out contracts to all the team’s impending free agents, thus instantly granting them their freedom. The Upton Bell era came to an abrupt end in December 5, 1972 when he was unceremoniously fired after amassing a putrid 9 – 19 record. Sure that is a bad record, but really damning fact is that Upton was so incompetent that he never worked in the NFL again. Imagine how awful his reputation within the league must have been to never get another front office job. This was the son of former NFL Commissioner and Eagles owner/founder Bert Bell, and after being fired at the age of 35 his career in the league was over.

Today the 88 year old social media maven has morphed into a modern day Baron Hieronymus Karl Friedrich Freiherr von Münchhausen. The list of famous (all dead) people Upton has met includes Burt Reynolds, Jane Russell, Hedy Lamar, Elvis Presley, Frank Sinatra, Grace Kelly, Stephen Hawking, Patricia Neal, Jack Nicholson, Richard Nixon, Anthony Hopkins, Angie Dickerson, Arnold Palmer, Alan Shepard, Ted Turner, Seiji Ozawa, Donna Reed, Hedy Lamarr, Carely Simon, Yo Yo Ma and three (THREE!) Tuskegee Airmen. The list goes on and on. We didn’t even bother with listing the sports figures he claims to have known/discovered, but rest assured if they’re dead Upton claims he interacted with them.

And if Upton didn’t meet them, rest assured his mother did. Per Upton, his mom, Broadway “star” Frances Upton, had close encounters with Charles Lindbergh, James Cagney, Florenz Ziegfeld, George Gershwin, George Burns, Willie Mays, Babe Ruth, Lefty Gomez and Al Capone. According to Upton, when Bert Bell, his father, dropped dead Universal Pictures wanted to make a movie about him with Danny Thomas as the lead, but Frances turned it down (of course she did!). The aforementioned Bert Bell invented the NFL Draft, coined the phrase “On Any Given Sunday”, brought the entire Eagles team with him on his honeymoon, proposed local TV blackouts, and in 1958 came up with the idea of sudden death overtime – which is ironic because he dropped dead less than one year later while attending a football game.

So celebrate today the Upton way by forgetting to send out important legal documents on time, or by getting you rugs cleaned or by lying on social media about all the famous dead people you’ve interacted with. Happy 9-19 to all who celebrate!

Sunday Lunch Time
Falcons (-5.5) at Panthers
Black cats get slapped by Penix

Packers (-7.5) at Browns
Packko over Flacco

In 1935 Bert Bell invents the NFL draft. In 1948 Bert Bell invents prank calling potential draft picks.

Texans at Jaguars (-2)
Texicats hog tie spotted cats

Bengals at Vikings (-3)
Norsemen beat Burrow-less Bungles

Steelers (-1.5) at Patriots
Pat Patriot makes Rodgers see red

November 14, 1972 press conference with owner Billy Sullivan (right), interim head coach Phil Bengtson (center), lame duck GM Upton Bell (left). Disgraceful body language

Rams at Eagles (-3.5)
Philly rams LA

Jets at Buccaneers (-6.5)
Tampa takes the Todd Bowles Revenge Bowl

Colts (-4.5) at Titans
Tits whip Indianapolis Jones

Frances Upton in her only feature film role as Angie in ‘Night Work’ (1930). Francis loved to tell Upton about all the times she lost out on an acting job because she would not submit to the casting couch. Proving that lying is inherited.

Raiders at Commanders (-3.5)
The Raiders keep racking up frequent flyer miles but not wins

Sunday Dinner Time
Broncos at Chargers (-3)
Bolts best Broncos

Saints at Seahawks (-7.5)
Saints remain winless in Seattle

Upton saw Wilt Chamberlain play high school basketball and new he’d be a super star

Cowboys (-1) at Bears
Da Bears drop Da Boys

Cardinals at 49ers (-2.5)
Prospectors use the Pretty Red Birds as their canaries in the gold mine.

Sunday Prowl Time
Chiefs (-6) at Giants
Chiefs cut the Giants down to size

9 wins as Patriots GM work out to 1 win for every tooth

Monday Prowl Time
Lions at Ravens (-4.5)
Scary black birds tame the big cats

Football Cat lives in New Hampshire, enjoys watching football, and is a cat.

Football Cat’s Week 2 NFL Picks ’25

Posted on September 12, 2025 by naop Leave a comment

Can anyone of YOU beat Football Cat? The answer is a resounding “NO”. Despite what a nameless (brainless?) intern announced earlier this week. None of you (NONE OF YOU!) picked more winners in Week 1 than our beloved Football Cat. The faux “winner” picked 11 winners, mildly impressive for a human being. However, Football Cat picked 12 winners! TWELVE. This isn’t even advanced math like differential equations or, even worse, percentages (*gasp*). You don’t need to be a lonely pathetic ex-con finance manager working weekends selling unnecessary gap insurance to naive customers at your local car dealership to understand that 12 is greater than 11.

Don’t do the crime if you can’t do the time

Unfortunately we here at Football Cat World Headquarters have been forced to petition the courts for a temporary injunction against the distribution of the official The15 joke prize pack to Mr. Warren Dull’s aunt. We request Miss/Ms./Mrs. Dull, or her representatives, direct all inquiries to @SteveBosell15. We look forward to eventually awarding the official The15 joke prize pack to an actual winner… which will be never, because YOU can’t beat Football Cat! You just can’t, but you’re welcome to keep trying.

Email your picks to bjbsjournalintern@gmail.com (prior to kickoff of the first listed game) and our plucky squad of interns will make sure your entry is added to this week’s pool of contestants!

Look at the studio filled with glamorous merchandise

Good day and good luck!

Sunday Lunch Time
Jaguars at Bengals (-3.5)
Stripes over spots

Spots and stripes? That’s definitely advanced fashion

Giants at Cowboys (-5.5)
Pokes pop Pituitaries

Bears at Lions (-6.5)
Lions turn on their former handler

Rams (-5.5) at Titans
Horny sheep squash Tits

Patriots at Dolphins (-1.5)
Pats flounder against Phins

49ers (-2.5) at Saints
My good friend Mac is going to own in New Orleans

Mac and I will direct our laughter towards North Carolina (ha ha ha!)

Bills (-6.5) at Jets
Buffalo gets on the same page and orchestrate their attacks to perfection! The only thing McDermott is upset about is that this game wasn’t played on Thursday.

Seahawks at Steelers (-2.5)
Rodgers keeps rolling

Browns at Ravens (-11.5)
Black birds soar over Browns

Sunday Dinner Time
Broncos (-1.5) at Colts
Danny Dimes drops Denver

Panthers at Cardinals (-6.5)
Pretty Red Birds bludgeon Black Cats

Eagles at Chiefs (-1.5)
American Birds prove that their Super Bowl domination of those poor Native Americans was no fluke.

Sunday Prowl Time
Falcons at Vikings (-3.5)
Norsemen swallow up Penix

A hot dog is all the censors would allow us to use

Monday Prowl Time
Buccaneers at Texans (-2.5)
Texicans trounce Tampa

Monday Sleepy Time
Chargers (-3.5) at Raiders
Plugs short circuit the strip

Football Cat lives in New Hampshire, enjoys watching football, and is a cat.

Football Cat’s Week 1 NFL Picks ’25

Posted on September 5, 2025 by naop Leave a comment

Football Cat is tired from watching the Patriotic Birds play the Pokes.

Your long wait is finally over, and so is your Summah, football season is upon us! And this season is no ordinary season… this season YOU (yes, YOU!) get the opportunity to go head to head with our very own Feline Football Forecaster, the one, the only Football Cat!

One of our interns (I haven’t taken time to learn their names yet) outlined the rules in an earlier post.

The Cliff Notes version: If you can pick more winners than Football Cat you will be eligible to win a fabulous The15 Inside Joke Prize Pack! Email your picks to bjbsjournalintern@gmail.com (prior to kickoff of tonight’s game) and our plucky squad of interns will make sure your entry is added to this week’s pool of contestants! It’s that easy. All you have to lose is your self respect.

Which leaves us with the question… Can YOU beat Football Cat?

Sexta à Noite Prowl Time
Chiefs (-3) vs Chargers
“I play the beautiful game while I’m in Brazil
‘Cause everybody plays the beautiful game while I’m in Brazil
‘Cause it’s all we’ve ever wanted, and it’s all that you want still
Don’t you wanna play the beautiful game out in Brazil?”

Plugs shock Chiefs in the Southern Hemisphere’s Winter Classic

Pelé knew which game was the *real o jogo bonito*

Sunday Lunch Time
Buccaneers (-2) at Falcons
An opening week NFC South six pointer! Why wasn’t this on Sunday Night Football? Bucs win and all but clinch the division

Bengals (-6) at Browns
Stripey cats leave the Browns strewn across their litter box

Actually Cleveland is a really nice place… for me to poop on!

Dolphins at Colts (-1.5)
Ponies pop Porps

Panthers at Jaguars (-3)
Cat fight! Spotted cats send black cats home with two black eyes

Raiders at Patriots (-2.5)
Botox Brady’s team comes up short in the shadow of Tom’s tiny headed statue

Cardinals (-6.5) at Saints
Cardinals win the Holy War

Say two Hail Marys and one Act of Cat-trition (*uproarious laughter*)

Steelers (-3) at Jets
Men of Steel dominate in Metropolis

Krypto, Krytpo, Krypto! Why no love for Streaky the Supercat?

Giants at Commanders (-6)
I’m calling the president. Mr. President, we need the National Guard. We need as many men as you can spare because the Commanders are killing the Giants. Wait… what? They’re already here? Never mind.

My old Platoon Sergeant said the Guard was for pussies

Sunday Dinner Time
Titans at Broncos (-7.5)
Tits sag in the thin air

49ers (-2.5) at Seahawks
Fake Sea Birds rub Purrrdy the wrong way

Lions at Packers (-2.5)
Jungle Kings devour Meat Men

Texans at Rams (-2.5)
Horny sheep give Houston problems

Sunday Prowl Time
Ravens at Bills (-1.5)
Scary Black birds spook Hairy Cows

Monday Prowl Time
Vikings at Bears (-1.5)
Norsemen skin grizzlies

Football Cat lives in New Hampshire, enjoys watching football, and is a cat.

Grok’s The15 Mini-Tourney Preview

Posted on July 28, 2025 by naop Leave a comment

We interviewed everybody’s favorite new oracle of wisdom, Grok, and asked it who it thinks will come out on top (bottom?).

Grok seems to be simping for Ms. Starr, or maybe Mazz once accused Grok of stealing Felger’s car, but it’s not up to him/her/it! YOU still have free will (at least for the time being). So make your voice heard while you can. Get out and VOTE!

Patrick is from Andover del Norte.

Mini-Tourney Round 3 Preview

Posted on July 23, 2025 by naop Leave a comment

Just as the local nine begin their annual cool down, the remaining 8 tournament contests start heating up! #synergy

Region B
3 Rob Bradford vs 4 Steve Perrault
Just a couple of massively annoying 50 something year old guys with a penchant for wrinkled haberdashery. Bradford wins the smirkoff.

Region V
1 Gabby Starr vs * Lou Merloni
First there was a tie:

Then there was still a tie:

When a tie – or a strike – needs to be broken there’s only one man to call. Lou DAMN Merloni!

I wasn’t a rat. And Steff wasn’t a danm dancer.

Lou has an unfortunate history of falling for women on poles, but today he will fall to a woman in a poll.

Lou? Lou is a colleague. But he’s going down. Like from Boston to Pawtucket? Because that happened to him? At his job?

Region N
1 Jared Carrabis vs 2 Tony Masserotti
When Matt McCarthy drags his balls across your face it may be time to reevaluate things.

But it should also guarantee you a Regional N victory. Carrabis will tattoo Mazz in this lightweight match up.

Region T
1 Pete Abraham vs 3 Mike McCarthy

The Hobbit devours McTeethy for his second breakfast.

The Philadelphia Phillies organization regrets to inform you that the Phanatic has died from AIDS

Patrick is from Andover del Norte.

Uncategorized

Mini-Tourney Round 2 Preview

Posted on July 21, 2025 by naop Leave a comment

Welcome to the first ever Summertime Sour Sixteen! If you like new media and Red Sox broadcasters, or more importantly if you don’t like new media and Red Sox broadcasters, then this is the competition for you! We’ve got six podcasters, seven current or former members of Red Sox radio/TV broadcasts, two crusty old newspaper men and one weepy grifter. (Sung to the tune of The Twelve Days of Christmas)

Region B
1 Dave O’Brien vs 4 Steve Perrault
O’Brien wasn’t bad on radio play-by-play. However, he is so bad on TV that he actually makes people long for the days of Don Orsillo. Now that’s bad. Perrault is just one of the Carrabis’s many forgettable goofball sidekicks. O’Brien walks it off.

2 Chad Finn vs 3 Rob Bradford
Hairy vag faced Bradfo will smother Wax Pack Chad under a pile of wrinkled t-shirts.

Chad should have stayed in the safety of internet free Mid-coast Maine

Region V (aka The Section 10 free region)
1 Gabby Starr vs 4 Justin MLB
Here’s a tip for any of you looking to participate in next year’s Mini-Tourney. Put “MLB” in your twitter handle, it will set you apart from your average run of the mill baseball fans named Justin. Gabz won’t even need to come back from one of her many in-season vacations to dispatch Mr. Gonzalez.

2 Tom Caron vs 6 Hogdale
The Hogriders came out in force and pushed their hero into Round 2. They may have misunderstood the assignment though. How could anyone not appreciate the passion that Grant Huckvale brings to the role of “Hogdale”? It’s always a tour de force performance. Grant is matched up with milquetoast Tom Caron. No matter how many hair plugs Caron gets, it will never be enough to mask his Megamind Forehead. Dr. Tom Leonard’s least successful client moves on.

Region N
1 Jared Carrabis vs 4 Coley Mick
Jared Carrabis is a better more knowledgeable fan than YOU. Sorry, just deal with it losers. “Coley Mick” is a lace curtain Irish dunce. “Car Rubbish”® will mash that bloated spud in the Section 10 showdown.

2 Tony Massarotti vs 3 Will Fleming
It seems unfair to have the March Sadness runner up in the Midsummer Mini-Tourney, but that’s baseball. Maybe if Will Fleming starts speaking Spanish, Tony will run away and hide. Unfortunately the only Spanish Mazz will hear from Fleming is “No Más“.

Region T
1 Pete Abraham vs 4 Tyler Milikin
This match up should be introduced by Dale Dorman as part of the Creature Double Feature. Sentient garden gnome (Abraham) takes on an obese two legged centaur (Milikin). The winner may depend on what country you live in.

2 Tyler Broadman vs 3 Mike McCarthy
Is Mike McCarthy the pudgy bearded millennial doofus who figured out you can lose weight by eating salads, or is he the pudgy bearded millennial doofus with horrible teeth, or is he the pudgy bearded millennial doofus who couldn’t successfully book flights for his honeymoon or is he McBone? It’s hard to keep track of all these wacky call screeners.
Tyler Broadman may turn out to be a decent play-by-play man once he completes puberty, but his fake radio voice and Connecticut School of Broadcasting cadence make me want to ram my score keeping pencil in my ears. This a tough one, but McCarthy squeezes by.

2025 March Sadness CHUMP-ionship Preview

Posted on April 2, 2025 by naop Leave a comment

Time to break out your favorite cliche!

Pick your poison… Morton’s Fork (without the option of jabbing the fork into your skull)… Between a rock and a hard place.. Iran vs Iraq… Choosing between Scylla and Charybdis (in this case more like Syphilis and Chlamydia)… Stuck between the devil and the deep blue sea… Picking the lesser of two evils… A Catch-22… Sophie’s Choice (but only if you wanted the Nazis to take both your kids)… it’s the 2025 March Sadness final showdown, it’s Felger vs Mazz!

Why won’t the Nazis take them both away?

The two behemoths of Boston Sports Radio square off so you can determine who will be crowned king of the dipshits.

Why vote for Mr. Massarotti?
Mazz loves to call athletes soft, especially when they won’t interact with the media. Now, for the second time in 12 months, Tony has turned off replies on his Twitter account. His is a racist, hypocrite, coward, lapdog. At his core Mazz is luckiest leech on Earth. He bounced around on WEEI, and even the 1510 The Zzzzone, before latching on to Felger. More than happy to give up journalism for a chance to play the addle minded Costello to Felger’s angry Abbott, Mazz has ass kissed his way to the top of the Boston radio dung heap. A meteoric career in the most miserable medium ever invented, his many on-air faux pas are dismissed by a legion of excuse makers, who – unlike you – know what’s really in Tony’s heart (hopefully arteriosclerosis).

Why vote for Mr. Felger?
Felger’s carpetbagger contrarian act has warped the minds of a generation of local sports media loving morons. We live among people who have whined and moaned throughout the greatest 20+ run in sports. A time period where we witnessed more championships than any city in the history of the world, and they didn’t enjoy them because Felger told them not to not believe what they were watching. Sure, a lot of these people are neurologically deficient, or unemployed squatting deadbeats, or were raised in broken homes by parents with missing limbs, but that is no excuse for the irreparable harm that Felger has done to them!

The Prediction:
Mazz is going to channel the joie de vivre of those guys who stole Felger’s car and steal away the crown.

As you head out to the polls, never forget that much like those fish that escaped their bowl fire in that The Far Side cartoon, no matter how YOU vote, WE are equally screwed.

Well, thank God we made it out in time… of course, now we’re equally screwed.

Patrick is from Andover del Norte.

2025 March Sadness – The Hateable Eight Preview

Posted on March 27, 2025 by naop Leave a comment

Welcome to The Hateable Eight. You will never find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy. YOU must be vote cautiously.

Region C Final

2 Ted Johnson vs 5 Andy Hart

A freakish mismatch that Mary Shelley would love. Frankenstein’s monster meets CTE-gor. Both are so inconsequential that WEEI isn’t even bothering to put either of their names on “The Afternoon Show”. Dumbo Hart has been polishing up on his polls, but he can’t beat this Johnson.

Region V Final

1 Chris Gasper vs 3 Albert Breer

If you squint really hard this is a classic “Nerd” vs “Jock” showdown. Gasper thinks he’s smart because he owns a thesaurus and Bertie thinks he’s an All-American he-man because he beat an indecent exposure charge at THE Brohio State. Kid Gas knows how to pretend to be smart by using a big words when he writes, but it’s awfully strange how his vocabulary becomes very monosyllabic when not in print. And the dying print media is Gasper’s level. He quickly failed at his attempt of being a sports anchor on WCVB, and NESN recently pulled the plug on his little watched Boston Globe streaming TV venture.

When he’s not living vicariously through intercollegiate athletes at his beloved alma mater Albert Redenbacher Breer is busy battling Piping Plovers on the dunes of Duxbury. He also claims to be an NFL Insider, even though has no sources, he never ventures off his couch and has yet to break a single story. He’s great at confirming things, and telling you what he thinks, but much like his Austrian Großvater he knows nothing… NOTHING!.

All his families Nazi gold won’t be able help Albert buy a spot in the Final Four.

I see nothing, I hear nothing, and I say NOTHING!!!

Region N Final

1 Gabrielle Starr vs 2 Michael Felger

The big question heading into this match up is will either candidate NOT be on vacation today? When she’s not away on an all expenses paid trip, Gabby lays claim to the title of “Red Sox reporter” for the Herald, but everyone knows that the day-to-day beat work really belongs to Mac Cerullo. The “Gabby Starr Reporter” thing is really a vanity project, funded by her father. Which is a step up from her “Girl at the Game” blog which was a just a grift for trips and game tickets funded by her simp followers. I’m actually crying just thinking about it!

Felger somehow continues to be the dominant presence in the Boston Sports Mediot landscape, polluting the airwaves on 98.5 and NBC Sports Boston. He’s working two jobs just to avoid running into Gene Lavanchy at home.

Felger’s paint by numbers contrarian act won’t be enough to eclipse Gab’s shining star.

Out on the town again having the time of my life with a bunch of friends. They’re all just out of frame, laughing too!

Region T Final

3 Cerrone Battel Ackerman vs 4 Tony Massarotti

The last time Mazz came across a couple of guys like Mr. Battel Ackerman he ended up suspended for a week. Ironically, Mazz’s overt racism resulted in Battel getting the chance to sell his soul for a few weekend/holiday slots. Now Battel can cosplay as a Boston mediot, all while living comfortably down in North Carolina thanks to his bread-winning wife. There’s no way “a guy like that” is going to steal the Regional Title from Mazz. Cerrone can’t hear us right?

*The images shown are for illustration purposes only* and may not be an exact representation of the product

Patrick is from Andover del Norte.

2025 March Sadness – Salty Sixteen Preview

Posted on March 24, 2025 by naop Leave a comment

The Salty Sixteen

Region C
1 Mark Daniels vs 5 Andy Hart
Rabbit eared, thin skinned Dumbo Hart loves his daily management dictated polls, but he won’t love this one. Daniels stomps on that little cockroach.

2 Ted Johnson vs 3 Jim Murray
Smooth brained Ted pummels chrome domed Big Jim.

Region V
1 Chris Gasper vs 4 Adam Jones
Kid Gas wins the “Hypogonadism Showdown” over Bonesy.

2 Andrew Callahan vs 3 Albert Breer
Breer sends Soyjak to the showers

Region N
1 Gabrielle Starr vs 5 Nick “Fitzy” Stevens
The Fake Ivy Leaguer eliminates the Fake Bostonian.

2 Michael Felger vs 6 Nick Cattles
Every year Felger gets taken out by one of his acolytes, but shiny headed Nickeless won’t be the one.

Region T
1 Marc Bertrand vs 4 Tony Massarrotti
Felger’s fool pulls off the upset

3 Cerrone Battle Ackerman vs 15 Trenni Casey
Jerod Mayo would have dubbed this the “Imposter Syndrome” showdown, with both of these pretenders claiming to have insight into the hearts and minds of local sports fans, with neither actually having a clue. The Raleigh resident fends off the Farm Bred Wisconsinite.