2024 MM Day Two Finals
Some boat races, some nail-biters, and a wild car moves on to the Round of 32:
And now, the TrumPrviews:
TheIntern15
2024 March Sadness Day Three Previews/Predictions
Sent to us from Patrick in Andover del Norte:
Region C – Jerry Thornton (8) vs Joe Haggerty (9) It’s Hack vs Haggs! A Marine’s dad vs Vince Lombardi’s husband! A son of County Mayo vs a man who only puts mayo his roast beef! I predict Jerry will be here all week. Try the veal.
Trenni Casey (née Kusnierek) (7) vs Evan Lazar (10) I know most of you are planning on voting for that shrieking harpy Trenni, and who can blame you, but please consider a vote for Evan Lazar. He may seem like a non-offensive nobody, but he’s a wolf in sheep’s clothing. The way he avoided last minute cancellation is only topped by Hank Schrader fending of the Salamaca twins. No one has ever deleted tweets as fast. He put his fluids hips and violent hands to use that night. Thanks, Dave! *sigh* If you knew what we knew about Evan Lazar…
Region V – Tom E Curran (1) vs Tyler Milliken (16) Pork pie hat wearing, potato faced Tawm is my favorite to win this year. Milliken is a dime a dozen bearded millennial midday radio producer over at 98.5, he’s a completely fungible asset. Asshat beats asset.
Chad Graff (8) vs Rob “Hardy” Poole (9) Being an 8 seed will end up being the pinnacle of Chad Graff’s career. Any of these media types who also dabble in “adjunct” professorial duties have the shelf life of a redshirt on Star Trek. Graff can see the writing on the wall and smartly prepping for the inevitable layoff. His opponent is the latest former DJ to make the jump to co-hosting morning drive sports radio. Charles Laquidara and Matt Seigel must have been unavailable. Too bad there weren’t any people of color interested in the job. That would have been epic. The Dry Drunk should easily win.
Dan Lifshatz (2) vs John Zannis (15) This is Red from the Tube Bar’s nightmare matchup: Dan Lif-shits vs John’s Anus. I’d prefer to vote for Pepe Roni or Al Keyhollick over these two morons. Dan tears John a new Zannis and advances.
Region N Karen Guregian (5) vs Jon Wallach (12) It’s the rare double bagger of a matchup. If Wallach wasn’t embarrassed enough when the midday flashboy leap frogged him into the morning show’s co-host seat, he should never be allowed to show his face in public again after Guregian curbstomps him.
Bob Ryan (7) vs Brian Barrett (10) It’s 2024 and Bob Ryan still won’t stop complaining about players shooting 3 pointers. There are Japanese soldiers hiding out in the Marianas with less resolve. Also, it’s 2024 and Bill Simmons is still trying to make Brian Barrett a thing? Thankfully Barrett should be off the Pike and on the unemployment line soon. Jurassic Bob roars into round two.
Region T – Tony Masserotti (1) vs Nick Gemelli (16) Jack Woltz would refer to this one as a dago guinea wop greaseball goombah showdown. Mingya Mazz wins easy.
Scott Zolak (4) vs Khari Thompson (13) This match-up should be about as exciting as the “fireworks” Zolak promised us earlier in the week. Khari Thompson probably shouldn’t be in the tournament. He’s not even in sports. He’s a producer at WBUR with a paleontology degree. Someone’s life took a wrong turn somewhere.
Albert Breer (3) vs Nick “Fitzy” Stevens (14) Poor Nick, he made a big run last year, but this year he probably won’t make it out of the first round. Now that Breer’s ban at One Patriot Place has finally been lifted can a triumphant return to 109 Chittenden Avenue be far behind? Fitzy loses to kickoff St. Patrick’s Day weekend.
Patrick is from Andover del Norte.
Day Two Part Two AI Addendum:
Previews. Some are saying the best. We used the Cyber!
2024 March Sadness Day One Previews/Predictions
Sent to us from Patrick in Andover del Norte:
Wild Card Monday really lived up to its name, as each of the four winners are first time participants. Apparently, everyone loves to hate an underdog. Are there more upsets on the horizon? That’s for YOU to decide!
Region C – Michael Felger (1) vs Chris Cotillo (16) Let’s face it, Cotillo has no chance against Felger. To help ease his pain please consider signing up to his Zoom workshop for aspiring sportswriters. Come learn what it takes to break into a tough industry. All are welcome, no experience required. Maybe next year YOU can go from March Sadness voter to March Sadness participant. Chris can be reached by email at bychriscotillo@gmail.com for pricing and more info. Make sure to use the code “THE15” at checkout.
Phil Perry (4) vs Rob Bradford (13) What the hell is going on with the brim on all of Bradford’s hats? A 50+ year old man in a flat-brimmed hat is bad enough, but to have a brim with a convex curve! It’s quite the zany affect. I guess it distracts from the perpetually wrinkled boring t-shirts. Perry advances.
Greg Hill (3) vs Rich Keefe (14) UPSET ALERT! The last time I heard Greg Hill on the radio was during one of Howard Stern’s 20-minute-long commercial breaks. Greg actually pulls the highest ratings at WEEI, which is akin to being the tallest midget (Hello Andy Hart!). If you follow the ratings as they plummet throughout the day, you will eventually arrive at Rich Keefe. Keefer sadness for the win!
Region V – Andy Gresh (5) vs Adam Jones (12) Yet another intra-EEI match up. Imagine being at such an awful radio station that Andy Gresh is your lead in. Now imagine being such an awful radio host that you can’t even retain Andy Gresh’s audience. It must be killing Adam Jones that if he had just hung in there for six more months he could have slithered right into co-host seat at the 98.5 Morning Zoo. The Sports Vulva ffffreaking earholes Gresh.
Dan Shaughnessy (6) vs Jermaine Wiggins (11) Can Shank be the Willis Reed of this tournament? More likely the 2023 version of Reed rather than his 1970 performance. Even without a pulse Dan will beat Wiggy.
Region N – Ted Johnson (1) vs Mike Kadlick (16) And now a few words from Ted Johnson: Bread, good. Fire, BAD!
Marc Bertrand (4) vs Gabby Starr (13) Gabby was the belle of last year’s ball, but now that she’s covering the unrest in the Middle East instead of the Red Sox, I fear she may not make it out of round one. The Far Side Kid should roll to a victory.
Jim Murray (2) vs Christian Arcand (15) Arcand is a dingleberry, but Murray is a piece of shit.
Region T – Christian Fauria (8) vs Chris Curtis (9) Fauria may have been part of two Super Bowl wins, yet it is Curtis who has the more amazing accomplishment. What was Lucy thinking?
Mark Daniels (5) vs Joe Murray (12) Poor Joey Beefs doesn’t stand a chance against YOUR New England Patriots Minister of Information. I’m hearing whispers than Daniels is primed for a deep run.
Patrick is from Andover del Norte.
March Sadness Wild Card Play-In Monday Previews
Sent to us from Patrick in Andover del Norte:
Welcome to Wildcard Monday!
I was hoping we could get Lucy Burdge to make these picks whilst sashaying through a parking garage, but apparently the budget was blown on AI Trump. Alas, there’s nothing left to splash out on Lucy and her Flex Seal pants. To the match-ups…
Region C: Steve Buckley vs Shukri Wright(s) Steve Buckley? Now, that’s a name I’ve not heard in a long time You may remember him from his many stints on WEEI in the late 90s or for his often-recycled columns in the Herald. Now apparently he works as the caretaker for the estate of Donnie Beardsley. Buck is up against a relative newcomer to the Boston sports scene, Shukri Wrights (it maybe Wright, nobody is sure – especially Shukri). Shukri, a NYC native who moved to Boston in 2017, is a lifelong diehard Boston sports fan, that is if you believe life starts at 30. Shukri’s greatest success has come by cosplaying a Bruins fan, which he has been able to parlay into many non-paying jobs at numerous faux media outlets. Does Shukri have what it takes to advance to the round of 64? Do you Bleav in miracles? Buck vs Shuk, should be an old fashioned Pierre Nightmare!
Region V: Dan Greenberg vs Henry McKenna For all the pants pissing he does during each and every Celtics game, Dan’s Twitter handle should be changed to SoilieYellowStain. I guess Dan just cares more, and he’s not afraid to show it! Performative fanning at its finest. Henry McKenna is a milquetoast nobody. Went from http://Boston.com to Fox Sports where he now covers the AFC East and not just the Patriots. He grew a mustache to cover up the fact that he has no upper lip. Punch Greenberg’s ticket to the big dance.
Region N: John Karalis vs Gethin Coolbaugh There was a real danger of the Boston Sports Journal being over-represented in the tournament given their extremely low subscriber to “people who give a shit” ratio. So it’s glad to see that these two bald losers have to battle it out for inclusion. Karalis, he of the scrubbed Twitter timeline, has been barely hanging on to the periphery of the Boston sports scene for years. Still pretending to cover the Celtics, and still no one noticing. Coolbaugh is a complete unknown. Nobody heard of him before Bedard hired him, and nobody has heard of him since Bedard hired him. His Twitter profile picture is himself next to a giant oversized prop microphone, insinuating that he is on the radio. It’s most likely a Rupert Pupkin situation, with Gethin “broadcasting” from his mother’s basement to her weekly bridge group. Based on reviewing their Twitter interactions, Karalis should win this by a total vote count of 1 to 0.
Region T: Courtney Cox vs Cerrone Battle How often do you think Courtney Cox is greeted by disappointed faces when they find out she’s not THE Courtney Cox? 99% or is it actually 100%? I’m told that she’s part of Greg Hill’s Morning Zoo on WEEI, and to be honest I’ve never heard her. All I know if that she is not THE Courtney Cox, and for that I am disappointed. Ten years ago Cerrone Battle’s Twitter timeline was awash with Tweets rightfully calling out Felger and Mazz for their borderline racist comments. After Mazz crossed the border last year, the 98.5 higher ups were desperately scrambling to find “a couple of guys like that” to provide cover for their hosts more colorful comments. Welcome to the 98.5 family Cerrone, just stay away from Felger’s car. Is Cerrone Battle a sellout? Will he advance? That’s for you the voting public to decide.
Patrick is from Andover del Norte.
2024 Mediot Madness Regional Close Ups
(For greater readability when viewed on mobile devices)
March Mediot Madness Memories
Misty watercolor memories
Of the way we were:
Brackets. Tomorrow!
March – TO’s & Three’s – Celtics Column
Very rarely can you accurately pinpoint when a team is in the middle of something extremely special. Yes, the Celtics have not won the title – yet. But they are winning in such a dominating fashion they aren’t just the favorites to win the championship, but to be a team we hold in high regard for decades after the fact.
Boston’s net rating sit at 11.6, sandwiched between the 2016-17 Golden State Warriors and 2015-16 San Antonio Spurs for fourth best in the history of the league. For even more context the 2007-08 Celtics net rating was 11.2. But let’s focus on the fact the Celtics have compiled a team that statistically rivals the Kevin Durant GSWarriors. They won 67-games that year and everyone still believes they were pacing themselves, they were that good – and the Celtics are in their company for this regular season.
Sit back and really bask in this glory for the fleeting moments we have it. For even if it does not end the way we wish it to, you’ll kick yourself for focusing only on the destination and ignoring the fruits of the journey.
If they are able to close the deal then I can say not only was this the best Celtics team of my life time, but perhaps of all-time. While Jayson Tatum is no Larry Bird, and Kristaps Porzingis is no Bill Russell, what this team provides is the best elements of the 1986 and 1962 teams and super charges them and even makes the greats look human by comparison.
The ability to go five-out and have your only non floor spacer be Luke Kornet is embarrassing. Having Jrue Holiday, the No. 3 option on a title team act as your No. 5 is embarrassing. Having 2nd Team All-NBAer Jaylen Brown as your No. 3 is embarrassing. The fact Jayson Tatum doesn’t even have to force his hand and can walk into any shot he wants is embarrassing. Brad Stevens found his Dennis Johnson in Holiday. He couldn’t find his Bill Russell, but Yao Ming with a 3-point shot in Porzingis will suffice.
Normal teams don’t get to survive slumps from their player and still win by 20. They don’t spank a Warriors team rediscovering their mojo by 52. They don’t go 12-4 over the first 49-games, then win 11 in a row. Speaking of the win streak, some fun stats to put into perspective this recent stretch of excellence: Top average margin of victory ever during a win streak of at least 10 games (+22.1 during 11-game streak); Top average scoring margin over any six-game span in NBA history (+29.8) – Per Marc D’Amico on Twitter/X.
Brown is making a case for All-NBA, his post-All Star break run averaging 27.2/5.8/3.4 on 59.5/45.2/73 shooting splits averaging 9.6 points in the frst quarter. He may not be Tommy Heinsohn, or Kevin McHale, but rich man’s Vinnie Johnson is more than enough for me.
Porzingis’ All-NBA case grows by the day, as it is becoming increasingly evident, he is the No. 2 behind Tatum. He is averaging 20/7/2 on 66 True Shooting %. His net ratings are nearly identical to Tatum (+11 ON +8 OFF) only behind White with a crazy (+13.3 ON, + 5 OFF) much higher than Brown (+8.7 ON, +13.3 OFF) Add to that he’s also having one of his best defensive seasons in his career on top of this great offensive season.
It’s an embarrassment of riches and the reason I implore you to put your fears aside is even if they do hurt you in the end, the feeling of loss will remain the same regardless you brace for it now or later.
This team is TOO TALENTED for even a willing-to-spend owner to keep together. When the time comes to break them up it’s likely that Brown will be replaced by an in-house player or someone from the bargain bin because that’s what happens when your best players are making “too much”. It’s not bad cap management, it’s just the God’s honest truth; great teams cost money. The Warriors are on the back end of their run because their best players are on the back-nine eating up a large sum of the pie. And that’s not a bad thing. It’s the natural cycle of contention. What matters is you make the right bets in the end.
Vinny Jace appears on the Entitled Weekend podcast. He does not live in mortgage-free Western Mass.
Football Cat’s Super Bowl Picks
49ers (-2) at Chiefs in Las Vegas
Patrick Mahomes has more lives than a cat, but I can’t pick against Brock Purrrdy. Competent game management wins Soupeys. So there.
My SB MVP Pick? former Panther Christian McCaffrey
Halftime performance cameo appearance with Usher? Doja Cat.
Best SB commercial: Hellmann’s ‘Mayo Cat’
Thanks to all the humans who assisted in me making my picks this year. Except when they steered me into the wrong team. Hiss! Let’s do this next season! Unless I don’t want to.
Football Cat lives in New Hampshire, enjoys watching football, and is a cat.
Football Cat’s NFL Conference Championship Picks
Four teams, two games. Football Cat predicted three correctly last week. Let’s go!!!
SUNDAY SNACKTIME
Chiefs at Ravens (-3.5)
Missouri has bobcats and mountain lions, Maryland only bobcats. But the Evil Birds are evil and will prevail.
SUNDAY DINNERTIME
Lions at 49ers (-7)
Jungle Kings versus Purrrdy and his Prospectors. The heart wants the felines to win, but the head will stick with San Francisco.
Football Cat lives in New Hampshire, enjoys watching football, and is a cat.
The 15 