The 15

Mercury, draw near, and to my prayer incline,
Angel of Jove and Maia’s son divine;
Studious of contests, ruler of mankind,
With heart almighty, and a prudent mind.
Celestial messenger, of various skill,
Whose powerful arts could watchful Argus kill:
With winged feet, ’tis thine thro’ air to course,
O friend of man, and prophet of discourse:
Great life-supporter, to rejoice is thine,
In arts gymnastic, and in fraud divine:
With power endured all language to explain,
Of care the loosener, and the source of gain.
Whose hand contains of blameless peace the rod,
Corucian, blessed, profitable God;
Of various speech, whose aid in works we find,
And in necessities to mortals kind:
Dire weapon of the tongue, which men revere,
Be present, Mercury, and thy suppliant hear;
Assist my works, conclude my life with peace,
Give graceful speech, and my memory’s increase.
-The Orphic Hymn to Mercury

Sunday Full English Breakfast Time
Rams (-3) at Jaguars
Horny sheep shag Jags

Sunday Lunch Time
Saints at Bears (-4.5)
Poohs rattle Popes

Dolphins at Browns (-2.5)
Fairies fry fish

Raiders at Chiefs (-11.5)
Indigenous Peoples are on the war path

Eagles (-1.5) at Vikings
Philly sinks Norsemen

Panthers (-1.5) at Jets
Black cats ground jet lagged New Yorkers

Patriots (-7) at Titans
Patriots pinch Tits

Sunday Dinner Time
Giants at Broncos (-7)
Denver drops Dart

Colts at Chargers (-1.5)
Indianapolis Jones pulls the Plugs

Packers at Cardinals (-6.5)
Meatmen pluck pretty red birds

Commanders (-2.5) at Cowboys
Washington shuts down Dallas

Sunday Prowl Time
Falcons at 49ers (-2.5)
Penix plows Prospectors

Monday Prowl Time
Buccaneers at Lions (-5.5)
Kings of Beasts maul Mayfield

Monday Sleepy Time
Texans at Seahawks (-3)
Houston upsets Fake Sea Birds, but it’s still baseball season in Seattle!

Football Cat lives in New Hampshire, enjoys watching football, and is a cat.