The 15

If I were Michael Hurley, I would simply not be terrible and unfunny.

Giddey. Caruso. The rare impactful honky-for-honky trade.

It’s bad enough when these NFL draft morons ‘grind tape!’ We’re supposed to believe that some whore from Florida with saggy silver dollar flapjacks is watching junior hockey?

if there isn’t already a Boston championships parade shirt with “we’ll duck you up”/“time to get ducked up”/“let’s ducking go” and a duck boats illustration……… we need it

Has anyone been bitten by a shark while hoisting the Stanley Cup?

Lukaku is Congolese for the ‘cattle are dying.’

Cakes are cooking for Rober Davi, Tara VanDerveer, Mick Jones, Chris Issak, Patty Smyth, Greg LeMond, Harriet Wheeler, Pamela Wright, Kirk McLean, Shannon Sharpe, Nick Offerman, Paul Thomas Anderson, Gretchen Wilson, Derek Jeter, Chad Pennington, Michael Vick, Casey Desmond, Jennette McCurdy, and Ariana Grande.

Just once in my life, I want to witness twin tornadoes so I can exclaim to no one in particular, “Ok…we got sisters!”

I’m gonna use a saying my dad told me years ago in relations to Gisele ..if you’re gonna build your house on the golf course..then you can’t complain when the golf balls start coming thru the window

The Knicks paid out way more for Brooklyn’s Bridges than the Dutch originally did for the island of Manhattan!

What good is the “eye test” when you don’t know what you’re looking at?

Red Line Reminder: Beginning at 8:30 PM on Friday, June 28, and through the weekend of June 29-30 Alewife Trains bypass Kendall/MIT Station due to construction. Riders can transfer, for free, at Central or Charles/MGH.

The Negro League kept better records than Sal.

Hey gang that definitely has no cultist tendencies, this week’s Phrase that Pays is, “I’m not in a cult retard.”

So every “Heat Culture” loser currently peacocking over a Fort Lauderdale hockey team’s heimlich maneuver Game 7 win were discounting the Celtics three-loss playoff performance last week, yes?

We are not perfect ..remember that ..

The worst thing about Italians is they don’t realize they should be ashamed of being Italian.

July is almost here which means it’s time for another round of my Zoom workshop for aspiring sportswriters. Been incredible seeing many who have taken it in press boxes all over this year. Come learn what it takes to break in. Email bychriscotillo@gmail.com for info/pricing.

People who like Keefe are the same people who go into a taproom with a selection of 100 beers and order a Miller Lite.

Do you think Aidan Kearney would drink Karen Read’s toilet water? I do.

Last chance to be 1 of 5 picked to win $10000 cash if you throw a FB through a car window from 12-2 tomorrow at Albrecht Chrysler Jeep Dodge Ram in Westboro. Sign up at dealership.

Photograph your living room and post it in the comments.

The only thing Todd McShay should be providing any opinions on is appearing on ESPN drunk out of his mind.

People I know, places I go, make me feel tongue-tied.
And I can see how, people look down,
They’re on the inside.

Here’s where the story ends.

People I see, weary of me showing my good side.
And I can see how people look down,
I’m on the outside.

Here’s where the story ends.
Oh, here’s where the story ends.

It’s that little souvenir, of a terrible year, which makes my eyes feel sore.
Oh, I never should have said, the books that you read were all I loved you for.
It’s that little souvenir, of a terrible year, which makes me wonder why.
And it’s the memories of your shed, that make me turn red.
Surprise, surprise, surprise.

One thing I will never do is debate Boston sports on Twitter with a fan who roots for teams in four different states. Not to be a snob but we are not the same.

My estimate is that had face masks not been invented, major league baseball would now result in the deaths of an estimated 4.6 umpires per month.

Honk if you remember Earl Wilson’s no-hitter against the Angels on this day.

I’ve been a Taylor Swift fan for a long time and I’m so happy her and Travis Kelce are together. Travis is the first guy that truly feels madly in love with her and she deserves that. If they end up getting married, I’ll be very happy about that too.

All real Bruins fans use “Y’all” liberally on social media.

When there is more than just cheese it ceases to be a grilled cheese sandwich.

People regarded Jordan & Pippen as a Batman & Robin situation as opposed to a Superman & Batman partnership and that affected how every other basketball duo was viewed in the past 35 years… Jayson Tatum & Jaylen Brown are more like Iron Man & War Machine or Cable & Deadpool.

Dan Le Betard’s expanded universe of Hispanics must be stopped.

That fat Mets fan Frank is going to be a pallbearer at RA’s funeral, sponsored by DraftKings & Dude Wipes.

Scottie Scheffler has the slow beating heart of a criminal.

Grapefruit League Babe Ruth Bobby Dalbec with two home runs for the Woo Sox last night?

What’s Alan Jackson’s favorite client to fuck? The next one.

Happy trails to you, Linus Ullmark. I bet the Bussin’ Bussi likes hugs, too though. And fire engines.

The kids who say “Play ball” before an MLB game hold so much power. What happens if they refuse to say it? Do we just not play?

Julio Foolio was just turning his life around.

Chris Cotillo’s Zoom workshops have bigger audiences than some of these Stanley Cup appearances in south Florida.

Best bet for the weekend: The Swiss over Italy in the Euro.

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Bill James, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. I will be taking next week off. Something will run in this place. Enjoy the 4th.