As we close the books on yet another record setting campaign of profitable professional pigskin prognostications, we here at Football Cat World Headquarters would like to reflect back on all the wonderful things that happened over the course of the season. Who can forget when that crazy thing happened to that guy on that team way back in September? And then that other thing came out of nowhere and caught everybody off guard. People are still talking about how we will never see something like that ever happen again! And don’t get me started on that wild and crazy thing that made headlines for days on end. The airwaves are still sizzling from all the hot takes. So many memorable moments, there a just too many to mention. What an unforgettable season!
And finally, a big shout out to the intern for always keeping the drinking water cool, his lap warm, the snack drawer full and the litter box empty. Imagine doing all that work for no pay and no college credit? We wish you the best of luck in all your future endeavors.
(Intern’s Note: What? )
To play us out, we turn the clock all the way back to 1966 when “The Happenings” were happening… See you in September See you when the summer’s through Bye-bye, so long, farewell Bye-bye, so long
Vaya con dios muchachos!
SUNDAY DINNER TIME Chiefs (-1.5) at Eagles It started at the very first Thanksgiving, when William Brewster’s wife’s green bean casserole gave Hobbamock a severe case of gastroenteritis. And it’s been all downhill since then, from the Manhattan land deal, to small pox, to the Indian Removal Act of 1830, then the Battle of Wounded Knee and the Trail of Tears, all the way to the Indian Gaming Regulatory Act of 1988, and the cultural appropriation by Iron Eyes Cody, Chief Jay Strongbow and that guy in the Village People. For over 400 years, the American Birds have been continuously getting the better of the Indigenous Peoples. The subjugation will continue in New Orleans.
He’s not crying because the Chiefs are going to lose, he’s crying because he found out that he’s an Italian
Football Cat lives in New Hampshire, enjoys watching football, and is a cat.
The Super Bowl media workroom is located in Row D of the Superdome parking garage. Heh heh.
I bet State Farm told Dallas they had to trade Doncic to the Lakers.
Points man Pasta is still a Good Kid.
Dale would drive 2 hours for a meatball, MegO goes for pizza from Star Market near the TDGarden – weirdos.
This Jaden Springer trade could haunt the Celtics. I can’t help but be reminded of when Harry Frazee traded da Babe!
I can’t beieve the Grammys forgot that dead guitar player from Whitesnake and Tygers of Pan Tang. So disrespectful. Also, Justin Tucker is no longer welcome at the Tigers of Pan Tang Spa.
Celtics recent failures are not the fault of the head coach according to Kristaps Porzingis “ Mazzulla” s doing everything he can to help us.”
Lebron has fucked so many teammates you’d think he plays in the WNBA.
Hey Lays, when can we finally get your ketchup chips here in Massachusetts? Going to Canada for them gets expensive.
A honk-less Truck Day. Sad.
As Valentine’s Day is coming, be aware that fragrances are heavily faked. If you want to be safe, buy direct, from retailers (Macy’s, Sephora, Ulta) or well-known discounters (Jomashop, FragranceX, FragranceNet, FragranceBuy).
WEEI should have just sent its unwanted on-air employees to Radio Row in New Orleans, and just never brought them back.
Imagine shaking your spouse awake (when you have sick kids!) to tell her your favorite basketball player got traded.
Cakes are cooking for Don Cherry, Larry Tamblyn, Nolan Bushnell, Charlotte Rampling, Darrell Waltrip, Barbara Hershey, Errol Morris, Nick Laird-Clowes, Jane Geddes, Tim Meadows, Duff McKagen, Jim Pugh, Laura Linney, José María Olazábal, Chris Parnell, Roberto Alomar, Bobby Brown, Sara Evans, Brian Moorman, Adam Everett, Cristiano Ronaldo, Laurence Maroney, Reed Sorenson, and Neymar.
A BU vs. BC Beanpot Tital Game? That hardly ever happens!
It’s crazy to think that if Luka were any fatter he’d be working at Atamian Honda.
The Milwaukee Bucks are trading Khris Middleton, AJ Johnson and a pick swap to the Washington Wizards for Kyle Kuzma, Patrick Baldwin Jr. and second-round draft compensation, sources tell The15.
I hear Mrs. Ted will be watching the Big Game at the MEMA Bunker. For reasons.
Red Line Reminder: Feb 8 – 9 (this weekend) Shuttle Buses replace service between JFK/UMass and Braintree for signal upgrades. Commuter Rail will be fare-free between South Station & Braintree.
Beyoncé has won 33 Grammys. And I know one song by her.
Hey gang of fed-up football fans, this week’s Phrase that Pays is, “look at all those meat-faced cretins.”
Justin Tucker will be fine, Ray Lewis killed a guy and they gave him a statue.
A self-serving unverifiable statement from Kyrie Irving you say?
If we’re very good, maybe all the hugely hyped Super Bowl ads will be seen online before the game!
Forbes Magazine listed America’s Most Generous Philanthropists for 2025, and no surprise here, # 1 on the list: Doug Meehan.
A Salvation Army band played And the children drank lemonade And the morning lasted all day All day
And through an open window came Like Sinatra in a younger day Pushing the town away Ah
Ah-hey-ma-ma-ma Dee-doo-din-nie-ya-ya Ah-hey-ma-ma-ma Hey-y-yah Life in a northern town Ah-hey-ma-ma-ma-ma
Nobody ever disappears in the Bermuda Triangle anymore.
Muffins are funnier than cupcakes.
No one “wins” the off season. The off season is just guesswork. Sportswriters claimed the Angels won the off season 10 times in a row, with Rendon, Shohei, Pujols, Torii Hunter, Josh Hamilton, Andrelton Simmons, etc. They never won anything; they just spent money.
Not for nothing Big Baby, but healthcare fraud is a very white crime.
Why is there an Eagles fan in the Big Y commercial talking about it’s too bad all our teams aren’t still playing?
Honk if you remember which TV show debuted after Super Bowl XVII.
Vice’s “Belichick or Brady” show? Dumb premise, but hagiographic for both of them, with nary a mention of Kraft. A welcome departure from last year’s Apple TV+ documentary.
Mike Zunino, who was really a pretty good player, last played in 2023, and left with a career batting average of .199. He is the first player ever to retire with 100+ career home runs and a batting average under .200. Joey Gallo will become the second.
Do you think Kyle Kuzma hates being called “Cooze” like Dr. Cusamano did?
Teams that have won the turnover battle in the Super Bowl have a 39-7 record.
What organization accredited Rich to go to the Soupey and pretend to still be media? ‘Sports?’ ‘Plain Black Mic Flag?’
Imagine being on yet another unearned vacation and obsessing over lost Twitter followers.
You think Upton Bell has never been in a Cadillac?
Standing Headline: Red Sox Free Agent Target Signs Elsewhere.
Best bet for the weekend: underwhelming advertisements during The Big Game.
Easily worth double that amount today.
Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Bill James, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. I don’t need permission, make my own decisions. That’s, that’s my prerogative.
Was the Bills AFCCG loss karma for playing to lose in Week 18? I’m just asking the question!
You can either score only two goals, or give up two hat tricks, but not both, Bruins.
It’s so refreshing that coaches are leaving established positions to join Vrabel. Meanwhile Mayo was dumpster diving for coordinators.
I actually think Ted Johnson will help WEEI finally beat Felger and Mazz. He just needs to marry them first.
Chasing points in the first half is like teaching suicide pilots how to land.
Liam Coen has British comedy troupe physiognomy. ‘Whose O-Line is It Anyway?’
The only rating Fitzy will draw is with a magic marker and an easel when he transitions to prop comedy.
And one more: The Afternoon Show has three hosts and they’re still short staffed!
Cakes are cooking for Claudine Longet, Donna Caponi, Tom Selleck, Marc Singer, Ann Jillian, Max Carl, Louie F. Pérez, Jr., Oprah Winfrey, Irlene Mandrell, Judy Norton-Taylor, Greg Louganis, Steve Sax, Andre Reed, Dominik Hasek, Sean Burke, Edward Burns, Heather Graham, Jason Schmidt, Sara Gilbert, Jason James Richter, Adam Lambert, and Marc Gasol.
Has anyone tried unplugging the Bruins and plugging them back in…
Credit to ‘Tommy Freezepops’ for actually internalizing the ‘eat a salad once in a while’ insult. Some fellas at 98.5 FM should take notes.
Flagg has so many zits.
Hey, he’s John Havlicek’s grandson. That’s why. Johnny Havlicek, HS Jr. LHP in Jupiter, Fla., P in an exhibition in Tampa this weekend, fanned 4 of 1st 5 H he faced and is a kid to watch for college or draft next spring.
NFL Pro Bowl QB Drake Maye.
Green Line: Delays of about 10 minutes due to a signal problem at Park Street. Trains may stand by at stations.
The Super Bowl Is Gonna Be So Non-Bussin, only Louisa Day Hicks would approve.
Happy Lunar New Year, to those who celebrate.
Hey gang of sofa scouts and couch coordinators! This week’s Phrase that pays is, “no IDEA why Josh did not throw the orbit to Shakir.”
Mi papá odia tanto a Doris Burke que ve el partido de los Warriors en español.
I have zero confirmation of Doug Marrone to the Patriots. Due to my Syracuse ties I do have solid knowledge of him, but I’ll wait to confirm. No known ties to Mike Vrabel or Josh McDaniels
In the silver linings department, saving the Ninth Ward from an invasion of the two least housebroken fan bases is probably a good thing.
Jimmy Stewart has the body type you tell your kids not to stare at.
Sorry to lose you, Alyssa Thomas. Hopefully Phoenix knows the proper billing order is ‘WNBA Practice’, then ‘Toddler’s Birthday Party’.
You see it all around you. Good lovin’ gone bad. And usually it’s too late when you, Realize what you had.
And my mind goes back to a girl I met, Some years ago who told me:
Just hold on loosely, but don’t let go. If you cling too tightly, you’re gonna lose control. Your baby needs someone to believe in. And a whole lot of space to breathe in.
Again, there’s nothing more rewarding in life than rooting for a second-generation professional athlete.
Why no Sun Chips, Market Basket?
North Carolina is converting Kenan Stadium back to natural grass under Bill Belichick, the school announced.
Honk if you remember the Celtics playing the Pistons before a then-record NBA crowd of 61,983 at the Pontiac Silverdome.
I know the time difference prevents the Australian Open from being a bigger story in the United States, but Madison Keys winning the 2025 women’s title deserves some love.
A week off was probably what Derrick White needed.
imagine telling someone in 1998 that Snoop Dog and Peyton Manning would have the same career arc.
‘Riley Larkin’ is an autogenerated 21st century white QB name.
First time I haven’t tied up my sky pencil holly to support snow load. Now, we haven’t had a ton nor the heavy wet stuff but they are managing. One downside of tying them i find they may get diseased easier from experience. Not positive though.
Did you feel the earthquake? Let us know in the comments.
Minor Cardinals transaction yesterday: they released RHP Victor Santos, who was half of the return for Tyler O’Neill. The other piece, Nick Robertson, did not make it through the season in the org last summer.
You can throw out the standings when UMass meets URI in a classic A-10 matchup. But the team with the better record is probably favored to win.
I grew into a lug nut allergy. Tragic.
I’m sure Jimmy Butler won’t be a piece of shit on his next team.
Best bet for the weekend: Boston Fleet return to their winning ways vs the NY Sirens. Epic! Homeric!
Bianca. For no reason other than she loves America and we love you.
Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Bill James, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. Will the wolf survive?
And Happy Birthday to eight-time World Champion Surfer Australian Stephanie Gilmore. Eight!
Congratulations to the Ohio State Football team for being the first six seed to ever win the National Championship Tournament.
Kirk riling up the useless Patriots beat writers into frantic activity is hilarious.
If Ted Johnson thought he had CTE before, just wait!
It’s Washington D.C. vs. Philadelphia in a battle of cities in which I don’t want to stop at red lights. And for NFC supremacy!
It’s funny because there was a television show also called Drake and Josh. No, wait, That’s actually not funny.
You’ve got the football acumen of Andy Hart, Ted Johnson’s sense of humor, and Fitzy’s encyclopedic knowledge of Beantown! What can go wrong?
Lifshatz had the Ainge deal days ago, bro.
Worst Irish ass kicking since the Easter Rising back in 1916.
Cakes are cooking for George Siefert, Steve Perry, Teddy Gentry, Karen Moe, John Wesley Shipp, Steve Riley, Linda Blair, Jeff Treadway, Stojko Vrankovic, DJ Jazzy Jeff, Diane Lane, Steven Adler, Ecaterina Szabo, Guy Fieri, Olivia d’Abo, Alex Ross, Bucky Brooks, Balthazar Getty, Chone Figgins, Ben Moody, Willa Ford, Jason Peters, Ben Eager, Leon Powe, Greg Oden, and Caitlin Clark.
The Bruins gutted out and won that MLK Day matinee to honor Willie O’Ree.
Ryan Day looks like Arby’s in human form.
If Jeff Howe gets one more fake malady he’ll turn into a white broad, forced to scroll WebMD for all eternity.
Herbstreit crying in the booth is embarrassing.
Hey gang of WX’ers, this week’s Phrase that Pays is, ‘Cold enough for ya? Hey; at least it’s not snowing!”
Al Qaeda is funnier and has less turnover than EEI afternoons.
What can I say about Tom McVie that those that knew who he was, and what he did haven’t already said? RIP.
Kirk Gibson cleared it and landed at the far end of the lumber yard across the street.
Blue Line: Delays of about 10 minutes while a maintenance train inspects the overhead wires between Airport and Wonderland. Trains may stand by at stations.
Can you OD on antidepressants?
The Celtics struggling against bad teams but then beating a good (if depleted) Golden State squad doesn’t concern me because there probably won’t be many bad teams making the playoffs.
‘Puka Nacua is the closest thing to Jesus Christ I will ever see in my lifetime.’ -Middsy Middleton
E-L-G-S-E-S!!
Why am I being told I cannot attend Medical School in Canada?
Time is quickly running out for teams with vacancies to pounce on proven commodity Jerod Mayo.
The only thing Mark Daniels has ever broken is poor Bill Bendetson’s heart.
“I don’t love all the Josh McDaniels screens” should be met with a Lacey Underall, “I was really getting tired of having fun all the time.”
Skeleton Crew wasn’t Andor or early Mandolorian (and it wasn’t trying to be), but it was easily some of the best Star Wars content we’ve gotten in a very long time.
I want to start a GoFundMe for Mike Lombardi to get a proper haircut.
Bring Romeo Crennel out of retirement for DC! If he’s still alive.
‘Executive Vice President of Football Business’ always sounded like Jonathan made the title up on the spot.
Albert Breer has more arrests than he has broken stories.
Live, baby live Now that the day is over I got a new sensation Mmm, perfect moments But so impossible to refuse
Sleep, baby, sleep Now that the night is over And the sun comes like a god Into our room All perfect light and promises
Got a hold on you A new sensation (a new sensation) Right now It’s gonna take you over A new sensation (a new sensation)
Puns used to be the lowest from of humor, until the advent of the ‘same name!’ gag.
MegO went from Jonesy castoff to Celtics insider. She knows things.
‘Brady vs. Belichick: The Verdict.’ That sounds like a sensible use of my finite time on Earth.
Select 2025 Red Sox single game tickets are on sale this week!
Ryan Day looks like what you’d get if Lou Merloni and Dakota from Braintree had a kid.
Congratulations to John Karalis for announcing that he is transitioning in this current environment. Stunning and brave.
Ben Johnson has dull, lifeless eyes, like a doll’s eyes.
BBWAA ballot reveals and my eyes roll back so far they landed 565 feet away.
Honk if you remember R. Budd Dwyer.
Baseball without Bob Uecker is kind of like a birthday cake with no frosting.
Vrable is the new Bellycheck.
Jeff Darlington misusing a program intended for low-income families pays $2.10.
All of Kendra Middleton’s rebuttals to people disagreeing with her are just calling them unfuckable pussies. Way to raise the bar for women, Steinem.
Best bet for the weekend: the former NFL official on the broadcast team agrees with the on-field call.
‘So long Robyn. We’ll always have the memories. And this new mural.
Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Bill James, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. Rag Mama rag, I can’t believe its true. Rag Mama rag, what did you do? I crawled up to the railroad track. Let the 4: 19 scratch my back.
And Happy Birthday to Brazilian supermodel Raica Oliveria.
Breaking news from the Football Cat Storm Center, it’s going to be bitter cold at this weekend’s games. How cold you ask? Well, let’s go to a special report from Nimbus, the official cat of the Mount Washington Weather Observatory, for a live report…
NIMBUS: “You want a prediction about the weather? I’ll give you a winter prediction. It’s gonna be cold, it’s gonna be grey, and it’s gonna last you for the rest of your life.”
Yes, Nimbus does like red onions. Why do you ask?
Thanks Nimbus for that in depth forecast. It sounds like you might want to spend some of your future gambling winnings on a Seasonal Affective Disorder light therapy lamp. We hear they do wonders for your mental health.
The official anti-SADs clock/lamp combo thingy of the Boston Herald’s Red Sox part-time beat writer. (If you look closely you can see her reflection “accidentally” caught in the photo of the clock/lamp thingy.)
SATURDAY DINNER TIME Texans at Chiefs (-8.5) Indoor Tex-cats can’t survive in the Chiefs’ winter encampment
It’s not called a WigWarm for nothing folks!
SATURDAY PROWL TIME Commanders at Lions (-9) These indoor cats know where it’s at! The Jungle Kings crunch Commie caps in climate controlled comfort.
Take that you commie rat!
SUNDAY EARLY DINNER TIME Rams at Eagles (-6) Fiery hot Rams blow torch frozen American Birds
When the Linc is overrun with ugly dumb cvnt Rams fans, don’t blame this guy.
SUNDAY EARLY PROWL TIME Ravens at Bills (-1) Scary Black Birds get snowed under by Hairy Cows
They should have flown South for the winter when they had the chance.
Football Cat lives in New Hampshire, enjoys watching football, and is a cat.
So long, Coach Mayo. Congratulations on a job, done.
The Patriots are interviewing Mamadou Ndjaiye for the head coaching position tonight from 8:00-8:05.
Bruins need a shakeup.
Dianna Russini is getting scoops left and right while Jeff Howe is having fake mini strokes and manifesting moles.
What weird thing will Jerry Thornton tweet out today?
Man, the Bills have become the smart franchise, and we have become the Bills. We’re teetering on becoming the Jets.
I know all he’d talk about is fashion and Broadway musicals but would Gasper satisfy the Rooney Rule?
So this Joy Whatever apparently fucked her way to the top of the Women in Sports ladder, and I had never heard her name before yesterday? And she had a real “in sports” gig and completely set the movement back 50 years by sleeping her way in. Brava, Joy.
Remember that thing Phil Perry did? No? Exactly.
Only the best and brightest people analyze professional wrestling.
Cakes are cooking for Shirley Bassey, Bob Eubanks, Boris Vallejo, Little Anthony, John Podesta, John McTiernan, Harriet Sansom Harris, Mike Reno, Rey Misterio Sr., Chris Marion, Hiromi Kobayashi, Michelle Forbes, Willie Anderson, Ami Dolenz, Brian Johnson, Paul Carey, Jeff Abercrombie, Billy Joe Hobert, Jason Giambi*, Brandie Burton, Vitali Yachmenev, Rachel Nichols, Jeff Francis, Gaby Hoffman, Kim Jong-Un*, Jeff Francoeur, and Cynthia Erivo.
Covid did away with the ‘bag your own candy’ section of the supermarket.
Watched Wicked last night and it was a blast. The 2:40 running time flew by. Couldn’t believe Ariana Grande was that friggin’ hilarious. The songs were killer. And the themes were universal like they were in TWoO. Definitely have a re-watch in the future.
‘New England had the worst roster in the league!’ is a thing people are just saying now, like, ‘Miami has a population of 17 million people.’
Green Line E Branch: Delays of about 15 minutes due to a disabled train at Ball Square. Trains may stand by at stations.
Tactical spork!
Skip Bayless running the ol’ Ernie Boch Jr, “Boy oh boy do I love having hot, penis into vagina sex! With women!” play.
Hey gang of functional illiterates, this week’s Phrase that Pays is, “Why they ain’t been did it?”
Michael Vick was the greatest running QB ever. He also might have as the strongest arm in the league. I saw he Tear two defensive players ACLs on one play.
If you really wanna get your blood boiling on a Saturday, go to COSTCO first thing in the morning.
Joy having a bunch of thirst trap picture is great too, because every time the “in sports” people get called on that they pretend one thing isn’t related to the other.
I fondly remember going to see dozens of highly-touted Red Sox draft picks flounder at McCoy.
The best bang for anyone’s buck at the grocery store is a box of microwave popcorn. Tell me I’m wrong.
My blood pressure has dropped 50 points since I decided to (metaphorically) embrace Upton instead of hating him.
“Joy, because of you, my son wants to be a woman. In sports.” – Magic Johnson
Provolone makes up 2.5% of the cheese produced in the U.S. with 370 million pounds of provolone made in 2023.
When the best player in the world is just across the bridge, you get your ass to the barn.
Dude, it’s VrabEL.
Jerod Mayo. When you need a win he loses and when we need a loss he wins. It’s like he’s working undercover for another NFL organization!
Bootlegging boozer on the west side Full of people who are doing wrong Just about to call up the DA man When I heard this woman singin’ a song
A pair of 45s made me open my eyes My temperature started to rise
She was a long cool woman in a black dress ‘Bout a 5’9″, beautiful, tall With just one look I was a bad mess ‘Cause that long cool woman had it all.
I applied self-tanner yesterday and it’s very mild but oh man am i so back baby i wasn’t depressed i just was pale.
Mean ol’ Bill better not leaved all those HS seniors and collegiate student-athletes in the lurch!
Loved Nosferatu. Didn’t love spending $6 on a bottle of water.
There are people who actually purchased Bailey Zappe Patriots jerseys…you know who you are.
I had a grilled cheese and a PB&J smoothie for dinner. Truly living the best life.
Honk if you remember Larry Storch.
If you’re going to be one of these smarmy in sports cvnts you cannot look like a Star Wars background character.
“Peanut butter skin” is a phrase I’ve never heard before.
The Patiots placement near the top of the 2025 Draft order opens many interesting scenarios given the high probability of them trading back to fill multiple needs & and also staying open to a variety of trade proposals—including for name players that other teams need to be move for cap reasons.
Pro Tip: Don’t wear that tan suit from your wedding in your business profile pic.
Where does that Rear Admiral get all that energy?
Bob Veale was kind of the National League’s Sudden Sam McDowell. Both were BIG, left-handed fireballers who were wild enough to make you nervous, same era, and Pittsburgh/Cleveland. Veale was probably a hair better than Sam, but a lot the same.
Bob’s a liar, Jerod knew.
That’s two trash days in a row it was too windy to put the recycling bin on the curb.
Does Vrioni even speak French?
I’m glad they gave that nice Katie Nolan another chance to grab the brass ring.
Best bet for the weekend: Mahomes doubtful for the bye week with a nagging injury.
Is Coco Higgins available to be interviewed for any and all NFL head coaching vacancies?
Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Bill James, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. Don’t step on my blue suede shoes.
And happy birthday to child actress & now musician Jenny Lewis.
Happy New Year! Welcome to 2025 and the final week of the NFL regular season. Unlike almost every team in the league, Football Cat is going to give a full 100% effort in Week 18. There will be no tanking nor relaxing at this address. Although I do find staring at a fish tank very relaxing.
Tanking sounds like fun!
SATURDAY DINNER TIME Browns at Ravens (-17.5) Scary Black Birds feast on stale Brownies
This better be a brownie
SATURDAY PROWL TIME Bengals (-1.5) at Steelers Stripey Cats get the W but not a spot in the ‘yoffs
SUNDAY LUNCH TIME Panthers at Falcons (-8.5) Black Cats smack down a flaccid Penix
Looks more like a pickle
Commanders (-4.5) at Cowboys Commies win and get in
Bears at Packers (-9) Hibernating Bears get ground up by Meat Men
I am not a bear!
Jaguars at Colts (-4.5) Spotty Cats trampled by Horsies
Bills (-2.5) at Patriots Patriots finish the season the same way it started with an idiotic Gatorade bath for Coach Mayo
He better hope that’s “victory” mayonnaise
Giants at Eagles (-3) G-men do more damage to their draft position
Saints at Buccaneers (-13) Bucs plow through New Orleans
Texans at Titans (-1) Tits hold firm against Texans backups
I meant to type “Got It”. (Avert your eyes!)
SUNDAY DINNER TIME 49ers at Cardinals (-4.5) Pretty Red Birds fly high into the off-season
Chiefs at Broncos (-11) Broncos win by default
Seahawks (-5.5) at Rams Fake Sea Birds romp over resting Rams
Chargers (-5.5) at Raiders Never forget that Kraft didn’t even bother to interview Brother Jim
Oy vey iz mir!
Dolphins (-1.5) at Jets The incoming Undersecretary for Health and Human Services closes out his NFL career with a win
SUNDAY PROWL TIME Vikings at Lions (-3) Jungle Kings nosh on Nordic knee caps
He’d rather be seeing ghosts
Football Cat lives in New Hampshire, enjoys watching football, and is a cat.
Should auld acquaintance be forgot, and never brought to mind? The answer is a resounding “YES”! It’s best to leave the past in the past. Your New Year’s resolution should be to not dwell on lost loves and move forward. New year, new you. Don’t spend your nights listening to Spotify and crying yourself to sleep over what might have been with Olivia or Jackie or Brad. Lift a cup of kindness and throw it right in their face!
Happy Mew Year!
Or you could just resolve to stop drinking again.
SATURDAY LUNCH TIME Chargers (-4) at Patriots Patriots shock the Bolts like it’s 1985
In 2025 Coach Mayo resolves to be even more open with his good friends in the media.
SATURDAY DINNER TIME Broncos at Bengals (-3) Stripey Cats keep their playoff chances alive
SATURDAY PROWL TIME Cardinals at Rams (-6) Rams rout Red Birds
SUNDAY LUNCH TIME Colts (-7.5) at Giants Giant tank job continues
Now that’s a giant tank!
Jets at Bills (-10) McDermott’s men hijack Jets and send them crashing back to Earth
Never forget
Titans at Jaguars (-1) Spotty Cats can’t handle Tits
Raiders (-1.5) at Saints Raiders win again, they must really hate the idea of drafting Shedeur Sanders.
Panthers at Buccaneers (-8) Scary Black Cats sink Bucs
Tampa should have consulted “Unsinkable Sam”
Cowboys at Eagles (-9.5) American Birds keep the pressure on the Jungle Kings
SUNDAY DINNER TIME Dolphins at Browns (-6.5) Elves shelve Miami
Don’t eat the brown fish
Packers at Vikings (-1.5) Vikings mince Meat Men
I’d rather be plundered
SUNDAY PROWL TIME Falcons at Commanders (-4) Commies swamp Falcons
MONDAY PROWL TIME Lions (-3.5) at 49ers Jungle Kings poach Prospectors’ patellas
Football Cat lives in New Hampshire, enjoys watching football, and is a cat.
The Celtics can’t just have an off-game or not play their best. Any loss is an indictment of their system and the coaching that goes into it. Like the Dynasty Patriots when every win was a formality, and every loss was a referendum on the team’s legacy. It’s fucking tiresome. They lost by 4, so chill the fuck out and shut the fuck up. This team is fine.
Rickey doesn’t like this talk about Rickey being dead. Hopefully someone tells his John Olerud story again.
My favorite Shaq endorsement is printer ink.
Say what you will about Craig Breslow, but a guy who spends his Christmas Eve searching for Mickey Gasper trade partners is a guy I want running my baseball team.
Milt Pappas is a great name.
So the late and bafflingly lamented Bunky Donaldson was a negative piece of shit even during the most impressive dynasty in team sports history? Good guy! He will not be missed in this quarter, despite his savant-like ability to ‘phone a restaurant and make reservations.’
Mina Kimes providing *significantly* more insight and information than RGIII and Teo is really tough for the “you have to play football to analyze football” crowd.
Pneumonia is psychosomatic.
You can have a turnover-prone running back and win games. You can have a turnover-prone quarterback and win games. But it’s tough to win games having both.
I’ve had a theory since I was a kid but I’ve never known if it makes any sense, but it’s that the sharp/crisp sound of the audio of movies in theaters is meant to subliminally make you want to buy popcorn because of how crisp popcorn sounds when you say it.
Cakes are cooking for John Walsh, Carlton Fisk, Chris Chambliss, Ozzie Smith, Peter Woods, David Sedaris, Gail Tatterson, Karen Smith, Adrian Newey, Temuera Morrison, Lars Ulrich, Tim Legler, Jared Leto, Ryan Berube, Tiffany Brissette, Tony Brackens, Chris Daughtry, Kit Harrington, and Lucille Burdge.
Also, is it just me or are popcorn ceilings designed to make you reflexively say, “did you finish?”
Getting my period tomorrow and sobbing after two drinks today because Randy Moss doesn’t have a super bowl ring.
Wait, what?
Dickie V is going to Beetlejuice his cancer back.
Newburyport Train 146 (7:54 am from Newburyport) is cancelled due to a mechanical issue. Passengers will be accommodated by Train 148 (8:49 am from Newburyport). Passengers between Beverly and N Station may also consider Train 106 (8:13 am from Rockport).
I’m trying to figure out what ‘Sopan Deb’ is an anagram for.
Stormy Buonantony can’t be real.
Orlando and Philadelphia going with the old Pistons the end theory. Just foul every play. They won’t call them all.
I don’t have Netflix so I can’t watch football.
Hey gang, this week’s Phrase that Pays is, “Nothing good ever comes from fucking around with a white girl.”
not even a full hour after everyone left did i start taking down my christmas decor. not because i was sick of it, but because the post christmas depression is too real.
Lobsters aren’t fish.
I’d like to know more about the welding school gap year.
When the literal sound of unclean audio is best explained by the word POP you might need to huddle up and run it again, stupid.
I had a dream last night that I met Sylvester Stallone and his wife. His hair was kinda blonde, which was surprising, but all I wanted to do is tell him how big a fan Kirk Minihane was of his and how the Rocky movies were some of his favorite movies (as if that was some big revelation). He was a great guy (duh!) and I was about to take a photo with him so I could share with you all on X, but then I woke up damnit. I swear I didn’t even take a gummy before bed. But alas, here’s to a very Merry Christmas to Sly and Kirk as well!
The name “Bregman” means a person who lives near a river or stream. So I’m sure the Charles would work in his favor.
Fun Fact: Bruins defenseman “Terrible” Ted Green set NHL penalty record of 3 minors, 2 majors & 2 game misconducts in a game against NY Rangers in NY’s Madison Square Garden on this day in 1968.
Have you ever met anyone that watches Charlie Moore?
I get all the rapes and pedophilia at Happy Valley, but what an atmosphere going on there during the college football playoffs.
Every time I read Shalise Manza Young’s name I hear Jose Feliciano saying it to the tune of Feliz Navidad:
Shalise Manza Young, Shalise Manza Young. She’s not with her family she’s in Foxboro, watching Patrick Chung.
Shalise Manza Young. Shalise Manza Young. Shalise Manza Young She went into the baño, Oh, what have they done?
I want to wish you a Merry Christmas, It’s just a shame when somebody pisses, On the seat where the chica sits-es, And then the crust from the Pizza Huuuuut!
Walker Buehler feels like an excellent addition for the Boston Red Sox. I hope their new starters from Vanderbilt (Buehler) & Tennessee (Garrett Crochet) can get along in Boston.
Tony Brothers looks like someone tried to Grok “Black Pete Abraham.”
Had a Buffalo Chicken Wrap for lunch, could have used more blue cheese tho.
Honk if you remember the last time there was a White Christmas.
Six-time NBA All-Star Jimmy Butler prefers a trade out of Miami ahead of the Feb. 6 deadline according to league sources.
19 pitchers in baseball history have finished the season with exactly 10 wins and 18 losses. The first pitcher ever to do that was Ned Garvin, with the Cubs in 1900. The last pitcher to do it was Jerry Garvin, with the Blue Jays in 1977.
Beyoncé should have had to rope a calf.
I swear a lot of American pro sports teams have teenagers running their social media accounts.
Travis Kelce sounds like he’s trying to make up for Mahomes’ lack of blackness.
Best bet for the weekend: white boy Ladd McConkey.
Did Mina ask to be dressed like an anime villain? If so: nailed it.
Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Bill James, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. I’m your dream, make you real.
And a happy Boxing Day birthday to English singer Jade Thirlwall, formerly of Little Mix, which could be a band, or a village.
The 15 