Every one of your suggestions was fantastic, unfortunately we don’t have the bandwidth to print them all here, but rest assured they will be available for download once the World Series is over. Until then, enjoy this random assortment of responses:
“Blue square lapel pins” – Robert K., Brookline, MA
“A variety of Buddha faux succulent terrariums” – Arianne S., Peabody MA
“Hugs” – Mike M., Enfield CT
“Resumes” – Jerod M., North Attleborough, MA
“Disease infested blankets” – Jeffrey A., Amherst MA
“Yolks from hard boiled eggs” – Brian L., Mansfield MA
“Blue cupcakes” – Joshua M., Nashua NH
“EpiPens” – Kendra M., Jacksonville FL
“Keep your grimy fingers off my blue cupcakes f*ck face. Give out some of those hand sanitizer bottles you’ve been swigging.” – Roger S., Nashua NH
“Serial killer vibes” – Jonathan B., Stoughton MA
“A free ride home from any detox center” – Frank S., Peabody MA
“L’s” – Steve R., Lowell MA
“Charcoal” – Bryan D., Quincy MA
“I can’t remember the question” – Corey B., Dorchester, MA
Speaking of early onset Alzheimer’s, don’t forget to turn those clocks back on Sunday
Why am I waiting an extra hour to eat?
Sunday Lunch Time Bears (-2.5) at Bengals Tigers lose to Bears, oh my!
Vikings at Lions (-8.5) Jungle kings maul marauders
Panthers at Packers (-12.5) Meatmen slice and dice black cats
I think I’d prefer the slicing and dicing
Broncos (-1.5) at Texans Broncos nix Texicans
Falcons at Patriots (-5.5) Patriots finally get revenge for almost losing the Super Bowl nine years ago
What did the Squirtle say to the Charmander?
49ers (-2.5) at Giants Prospectors pinch Pituitaries
Colts (-3) at Steelers Indianapolis Jones yanks Yinzers
Chargers (-9.5) at Titans Bolts tingle Tits
It looks safe to me
Sunday Dinner Time Saints at Rams (-14) Saints get excommunicated in the City of Angels
Jaguars (-3) at Raiders Spotty cats claw Pete’s poodles
Get busy doodle boy
Chiefs (-2) at Bills Chiefs take down tatanka
Those are some crazy looking coyotes
Sunday Prowl Time Seahawks (-3.5) at Commanders Fake sea birds soar over swamp things
Monday Prowl Time Cardinals at Cowboys (-2.5) Cowboys cage pretty red birds
Football Cat lives in New Hampshire, enjoys watching football, and is a cat.
With Halloween only one week away you are probably looking for a fun, yet simple, way to get into the spooky spirit. Little did you know that bone chilling excitement is just a phone call away.
Traverse into the eerie elements of the other world and encounter those who lurk in the night. Call the Halloween Haunted Hotline at 585-IF-U-DARE! Carefully choose your fright, not all who call survive the night.
There are many haunted attractions in New England, but none scarier than the House on Harris Road in Nashua, NH. Home of the infamous “Death Couch”. Those who dare sit on the sofa will be doomed, and not just because they’ve come in contact with its sticky coating of ectoplasm. Within the past three years there have been documented cases of a man suffering a debilitating stroke, another being institutionalized (multiple times), numerous extraterrestrial visitations and one actual death happening to people after they’ve sat upon the cursed couch. If you’re interested in purchasing it, or some old ceiling tiles, you can call 603-881-6980. In lieu of cash, blue cupcakes will be accepted in trade.
In celebration of the Halloween season, Sony Pictures and Ghost Corps have launched a brand-new campaign, letting fans both call and text the Ghostbusters. If you’ve got something strange in your neighborhood to report, pick up the phone and call (or text) 516-718-TRAP.
Wrinkles the Clown is no Stephen King character, but that doesn’t make this real-life clown any less creepy. Based in Naples, Florida, this clown offers a wide variety of services, like performing at parties and intentionally scaring children. Calling 407-734-0254 sends you to his voicemail, where we’re told you can hear a pretty chilling message.
Would you like to speak with Frankenstein’s monosyllabic monster? Then just dial 617-779-7937 any weekday afternoon between 2 pm and 6 pm. Remember he has an abnormal brain, so please be patient and speak slowly.
Bread good… ratings BAD!
Just remember that standard message and data rates may apply.
Sunday Lunch Time Dolphins at Falcons (-7.5) Penix penetrates porpoises
Bears at Ravens (-6.5) Scary black birds spook da’ Bears
Frightening
Bills (-7.5) at Panthers Hairy cows rub black cats the wrong way
Jets at Bengals (-6.5) Stripey cats maul Jets
49ers at Texans (-1.5) Mac gives Houston problems
My good friend Mac continues to own
Browns at Patriots (-7) It’s no longer Drake may… it’s Drake IS!
Drake-a-mania grips Hub!
Giants at Eagles (-7.5) Philly dash Dart
Sunday Dinner Time Buccaneers (-4.5) at Saints Bucs cook Cajuns
Cowboys at Broncos (-3.5) Denver does Dallas
We said Denver, not Debbie… D E N V E R
Titans at Colts (-14) Indianapolis Jones whips Tits
Sunday Prowl Time Packers at Steelers (-3) Packmen rout Rodgers
Looking sharp
Monday Prowl Time Commanders at Chiefs (-12.5) KC shuts down DC
Football Cat lives in New Hampshire, enjoys watching football, and is a cat.
Our Intern Street Team was out and about over the weekend asking the locals, “What are you going as for Halloween?” That went so well we sent them out again.
Liam C. – “The Invisible Man. or Playoff Aaron Judge.”
Monday was really more a Sports Syzygy than a Sports Equinox. IMO.
Guys, here’s some inside info, Patriots media has been getting pizza for decades. Usually on Wednesdays. Only in season.
That Freeman cat has to be the odds-on favorite to win World Series MVP.
No pressure Bruins, but there are hundreds of young ladies on social media who have tied their mental well-being to your win/loss record.
I just read Taylor Mathis for the articles.
I’m not sure it’s fair or ethical for Shams to use his contacts in the ISI to break NBA news.
Imagine running someone over and getting to grift via Vanity Fair. White bitches have the easiest life.
Cakes are cooking for Grace Slick, Otis Williams, Henry Winkler, Timothy B. Schmit, Harry Hamlin, Charles Martin Smith, Mario Testino, Shanna Reed, Kevin Pollak, Danny Tartabull, Mark Portugal, Michael Beach, Gavin Rossdale, Quin Snyder, TY Detmer, Masanori Hikichi, Snow, Ben Bailey, Dino Philyaw, James Pedro, Nia Long, Patrice Tardif, Ian Snell, Ivanka Trump, Trent Edwards, Thomas Morgenstern, Ashley Graham, Nastia Liukin, Marcus Mariota, and Cale Makar.
Headline: Cryptobros Con Curvaceous Clod
Mel Brooks is going to outlive everyone who was in his movies.
I think if they give Aaron Boone a few more years he’ll finally figure it out.
Did you guys hear Pritchard played pick up with some random kid?
The WNBA going to a seven game finals next season really opens up the field for some devastating knee injuries.
Red Line Update: This delay has cleared.
A player who drives in 100 runs in a season will drive in runs in 60-61 separate games, on average. On the other hand, a player who scores 100 runs in a season will score a run in about 75 games, on average.
I really don’t know what I’d do without Doughboy being open 24 hours. We must protect that establishment at all costs.
Taylor Mathis went full Allbright.
Hey gang of malignant narcissists! This week Phrase that Pay is, “Do our WORD mean anything anymore?”
Just had an EPIC 30 minute ride with my son. Nice back and forth. He started with someone named Playboy Carti(not a fan). I countered w/Biggy. He went Lil Uzi (a fan), I went Tu PAC. He came back with Future(a fan). I closed him out with Ice Cube.
Rumor: Jerod Mayo is being brought on as Kirk Minihane’s new producer.
After Henson replaced him against Notre Dame, Tom put the lyrics to Crash Into Me in his AOL away message.
I hate gay halloween what do you mean you’re a complete piece of shit?!?
Cashman having the job for life is kinda wild. I mean I would have been fine letting Bill have it for life, but how do the Yankees keep a GM that hasn’t won in 15 years?
Tony Brothers should never officiate another game ever again.
I bet I would be the best-looking dude at my high school reunion if they had bothered to invite me to it which they did not.
Where are all the Ted Sarandis voters, caller?
Am I the only person who likes Rockstar’s game design, even if it is outdated? I play Rockstar games for their specific experience, which no other developer does for me. GTA. Bully. Red Dead. You play them for the Rockstar experience.
I miss Taylor’s terrible gambling advice. And her boobs.
Look at us baby, up all night. Tearing our love apart. Aren’t we the same two people Who lived through years in the dark?
Every time I try to walk away. Something makes me turn around and stay. And I can’t tell you why.
All the best criminals hire professionals to dispose of evidence 18 months after the crime in full view of the public.
Fun Fact: the world population reached three billion in 1960.
No, because it’s a random Tuesday night and I’m sobbing thinking about how the Celtics arguably needed to trade Marcus Smart to ultimately go on and win the Championship, but it just seems so unfair he couldn’t be there to win one with them.
The vampire bat has a scary name but does much good, eating up to twice its weight in vampires every year.
Dudes don’t have birthday weeks.
Do you think someone could solve the Isabella Stewart Gardner Museum heist if they increased the reward money to, say, fifty times the current amount?
Honk if you remember The Rumble in the Jungle.
News Item: Red Sox hiring Rays director of predictive modeling Taylor Smith to a high-ranking front office role, likely as an assistant GM. Gas up the duckboats, boys!
Bert Breer thinks I’m using ‘I’ and ‘me’ too much this column.
Please get up, Taylor Hendricks.
Every Yankee fan looks like the third drawing in the ‘evolution of man’ procession.
Was someone clamoring for a Gladiator sequel?
Best bet for the weekend: you gaining an hour of sleep.
Happy Halloween from Morgan Fairchild.
Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Emo Phillips, Bill James, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. Don’t you want somebody to love? Don’t you need somebody to love? Wouldn’t you love somebody to love? You better find somebody to love.
And happy birthday to French actress and model Clémence Poésy.
Our Intern Street Team was out and about over the weekend asking the locals, “What are you going as for Halloween?”
Henry Freeman, Guidance Counselor – “An Olneyville NY System Weiner.”
Joey K. – “Jackson Lamb from ‘Slow Horses’.”
Jenna van den Bergh, Philosopher/Entrepreneur -“A Spirit Halloween Storefront. Iknow; very meta.”Herold J. – “Imposter Syndrome,” Chase L. – “A Zesty Outfielder.”
Zelda Hemingway, homemaker – “A Lexus Techstream Data Recorder.”
Barry Ward, Ornithologist – “Dana Hersey.”
Echo Nillsen, Artist – “Sue O’Connell’s perceived intelligence.”
Glyph Pictogram, Musician – “A giant tub of Marshmallow Fluff.”
Charity Fujitsu, Caterer – “Lady Mariko from Shogun. Or that Australian breakdancer.”
Kayla C. – “Mirror in the Slideshow-Era Taylor Swift. Or Wednesday Addams.”
Dallas Souza, Delivery Driver – “A Stainless Steel Rat.”Molly S. – “A threatening bookmark.”Alyssa Wodehouse, Student, – “Lydia, from Beetlejuice’. Or that breakdancer from the Olympics.“
Nelly Bhattacharya, Marketer – “Nibi the Educational Beaver.”
Ethel Bok, Medical Device Sales – “Sexy Green Goblin”
Clare Bonser, tourist – “Raygun, the Aussie breakdancer, who else?”
The 15 