Can anyone of YOU beat Football Cat? The answer is a resounding “NO”. Despite what a nameless (brainless?) intern announced earlier this week. None of you (NONE OF YOU!) picked more winners in Week 1 than our beloved Football Cat. The faux “winner” picked 11 winners, mildly impressive for a human being. However, Football Cat picked 12 winners! TWELVE. This isn’t even advanced math like differential equations or, even worse, percentages (*gasp*). You don’t need to be a lonely pathetic ex-con finance manager working weekends selling unnecessary gap insurance to naive customers at your local car dealership to understand that 12 is greater than 11.
Don’t do the crime if you can’t do the time
Unfortunately we here at Football Cat World Headquarters have been forced to petition the courts for a temporary injunction against the distribution of the official The15 joke prize pack to Mr. Warren Dull’s aunt. We request Miss/Ms./Mrs. Dull, or her representatives, direct all inquiries to @SteveBosell15. We look forward to eventually awarding the official The15 joke prize pack to an actual winner… which will be never, because YOU can’t beat Football Cat! You just can’t, but you’re welcome to keep trying.
Email your picks to bjbsjournalintern@gmail.com (prior to kickoff of the first listed game) and our plucky squad of interns will make sure your entry is added to this week’s pool of contestants!
Look at the studio filled with glamorous merchandise
Good day and good luck!
Sunday Lunch Time Jaguars at Bengals (-3.5) Stripes over spots
Spots and stripes? That’s definitely advanced fashion
Giants at Cowboys (-5.5) Pokes pop Pituitaries
Bears at Lions (-6.5) Lions turn on their former handler
Welcome back Ben Johnson
Rams (-5.5) at Titans Horny sheep squash Tits
Patriots at Dolphins (-1.5) Pats flounder against Phins
49ers (-2.5) at Saints My good friend Mac is going to own in New Orleans
Mac and I will direct our laughter towards North Carolina (ha ha ha!)
Bills (-6.5) at Jets Buffalo gets on the same page and orchestrate their attacks to perfection! The only thing McDermott is upset about is that this game wasn’t played on Thursday.
Teamwork makes the dream work
Seahawks at Steelers (-2.5) Rodgers keeps rolling
Browns at Ravens (-11.5) Black birds soar over Browns
Sunday Dinner Time Broncos (-1.5) at Colts Danny Dimes drops Denver
Panthers at Cardinals (-6.5) Pretty Red Birds bludgeon Black Cats
That bird is jacked
Eagles at Chiefs (-1.5) American Birds prove that their Super Bowl domination of those poor Native Americans was no fluke.
Sunday Prowl Time Falcons at Vikings (-3.5) Norsemen swallow up Penix
A hot dog is all the censors would allow us to use
Monday Prowl Time Buccaneers at Texans (-2.5) Texicans trounce Tampa
Monday Sleepy Time Chargers (-3.5) at Raiders Plugs short circuit the strip
Stick to gambling kids, it’s safer
Football Cat lives in New Hampshire, enjoys watching football, and is a cat.
Football Cat is tired from watching the Patriotic Birds play the Pokes.
Your long wait is finally over, and so is your Summah, football season is upon us! And this season is no ordinary season… this season YOU (yes, YOU!) get the opportunity to go head to head with our very own Feline Football Forecaster, the one, the only Football Cat!
One of our interns (I haven’t taken time to learn their names yet) outlined the rules in an earlier post.
The Cliff Notes version: If you can pick more winners than Football Cat you will be eligible to win a fabulous The15 Inside Joke Prize Pack! Email your picks to bjbsjournalintern@gmail.com (prior to kickoff of tonight’s game) and our plucky squad of interns will make sure your entry is added to this week’s pool of contestants! It’s that easy. All you have to lose is your self respect.
Which leaves us with the question… Can YOU beat Football Cat?
Actual prize may vary
Sexta à Noite Prowl Time Chiefs (-3) vs Chargers “I play the beautiful game while I’m in Brazil ‘Cause everybody plays the beautiful game while I’m in Brazil ‘Cause it’s all we’ve ever wanted, and it’s all that you want still Don’t you wanna play the beautiful game out in Brazil?”
Plugs shock Chiefs in the Southern Hemisphere’s Winter Classic
Pelé knew which game was the real o jogo bonito
Sunday Lunch Time Buccaneers (-2) at Falcons An opening week NFC South six pointer! Why wasn’t this on Sunday Night Football? Bucs win and all but clinch the division
Bengals (-6) at Browns Stripey cats leave the Browns strewn across their litter box
Actually Cleveland is a really nice place… for me to poop on!
Dolphins at Colts (-1.5) Ponies pop Porps
Panthers at Jaguars (-3) Cat fight! Spotted cats send black cats home with two black eyes
Woof
Raiders at Patriots (-2.5) Botox Brady’s team comes up short in the shadow of Tom’s tiny headed statue
Cardinals (-6.5) at Saints Cardinals win the Holy War
Say two Hail Marys and one Act of Cat-trition (*uproarious laughter*)
Steelers (-3) at Jets Men of Steel dominate in Metropolis
Krypto, Krytpo, Krypto! Why no love for Streaky the Supercat?
Giants at Commanders (-6) I’m calling the president. Mr. President, we need the National Guard. We need as many men as you can spare because the Commanders are killing the Giants. Wait… what? They’re already here? Never mind.
My old Platoon Sergeant said the Guard was for pussies
Sunday Dinner Time Titans at Broncos (-7.5) Tits sag in the thin air
49ers (-2.5) at Seahawks Fake Sea Birds rub Purrrdy the wrong way
Lions at Packers (-2.5) Jungle Kings devour Meat Men
It’s just a flesh wound
Texans at Rams (-2.5) Horny sheep give Houston problems
Sunday Prowl Time Ravens at Bills (-1.5) Scary Black birds spook Hairy Cows
Monday Prowl Time Vikings at Bears (-1.5) Norsemen skin grizzlies
It’s not a rug it’s a weave
Football Cat lives in New Hampshire, enjoys watching football, and is a cat.
Can you pick more winners than our own Football Cat? If so, you become eligible to win prizes!
Simply pick who you think will win this week’s games. (Friday, Sunday and Monday only, Football Cat negotiated no non-holiday Thursdays) Pick more winners than FC, and you can win a The15 Inside Joke Prize Pack!
A BURNER ACCOUNT Tee Shirt!
A Jar of Fluff
and a KENO snapback hat!
Wow
(One winner per week. In the event of a tie, a winner will be chosen at random. Winners remail eligible to also win in future weeks.)
Here are this week’s NFL matchups:
Chiefs Chargers
Bucs Falcons
Bengals Browns
Dolphins Colts
Raiders Patriots
Cardinals Saints
Steelers Jets
Giants Commanders
Panthers Jaguars
Titans Broncos
49ers Seahawks
Lions Packers
Texans Rams
Ravens Bills
Vikings Bears Tiebreaker – total points
Email your picks to bjbsjournalintern@gmail.com (prior to kickoff of the first listed game) and our plucky squad of interns will make sure your entry is added to this week’s pool of contestants!
Patriots coach Mike Vrabel on his young very aggressive young players who play very very hard. “ Hey we need you’d for 17.”
I feel like we didn’t need to know the escaped lizard’s name.
Shoutout to the Braintree American team. Braintree has always had nasty baseball at the youth level. Great to see them on the doorstep of Williamsport.
Georges Niang; we hardly knew ye.
I like the concept of wearing a tee shirt from a different beach to the beach.
Beantown is Sweep-town!
There’s nothing more white trash than being the “I know crime!” guy.
Cakes are cooking for Peter Bonerz, Dorian Harewood, Catherine Hicks, Vinnie Vincent, Pat MacDonald, Stepfanie Kramer, Randy DeBarge, Dale Ellis, Michelle Yeoh, Kimberley Conrad, David Robinson, Mike Greenberg, Mike Budenholzer, M. Night Shyamalan, Geri Horner, Vera Ann Farmiga, Soleil Moon Frye, and Leslie Odom Jr.
Tossing dildos on the WNBA court turned into yelling “get in the hole!” in record time.
Hey gang of rollicking reprobates, this week’s Phrase that Pays is, “Yeah let me get one milquetoast please.”
Garrett Crochet looks like he cooks meth for the Aryan Brotherhood.
Frances Upton was a Ziegfeld Follies Star who signed a 2-picture deal in Hollywood. She came back to the Stage and continued her career.
I thought the didgeridoo was a soulless killing animal.
Abraham Toro has great teeth.
Blue Line: Delays of about 10 minutes while a maintenance train inspects the overhead wires between Airport and Wonderland. Trains may stand by at stations.
Imagine Mike Felger being one of your heroes?
Disgusted in the crowd during Becky-Lyra. Spending hundreds of dollars to do the wave in the middle of the match is shit. It was distracting and took away from the match. Unfortunate.
If you can’t afford a roof, just say you can’t afford a roof.
I was going to see The Fantastic Four until I saw how little money it made in its second week.
All the best jobs have Tuesdays off.
Put the stupid fires out Canada or we will start sending tariffs AND acid rain your way again!
Cesar is survived by his dominoes set and cobalt blue Honda Civic.
I study nuclear science I love my classes I got a crazy teacher, he wears dark glasses Things are going great, and they’re only getting better I’m doing all right, getting good grades The future’s so bright, I gotta wear shades
I’ve got a job waiting for my graduation Fifty thou a year — buys a lot of beer Things are going great, and they’re only getting better I’m doing all right, getting good grades The future’s so bright, I gotta wear shades.
News Item: All-Women Broadcast Scores Record Low Ratings, Increase in Presence of Wild Bears.
Thanks to Cesar Osiris for using an alias!
A bidding war for the Connecticut Sun? The WNBA Connecticut Sun?
You can tell how much you owned someone by how much they talk about you after you died.
I don’t know Ma, maybe the phone handsets don’t work because you never put them back on the charger?
Joe Murray just said he puts ketchup on French toast bagel sandwiches? Ew.
Osiris was the god of fertility, agriculture, the afterlife, the dead, resurrection, life, and vegetation in ancient Egyptian religion. And of bad beats, probably.
Honk if you remember Carl Lewis winning four gold medals.
Maybe the Revs should re-sign Gil’s brother while they’re at it?
Applebees owns riblets. The Bell family allegedly owns ‘any given Sunday.’ Advantage: Applebees.
For those updating Patriots rosters at home, please note that CB Tre Avery will wear No. 26, RB JaMycal Hasty has been assigned No. 39, and DT Bryce Ganious gets No. 72.
Hand up, I thought the Sox were gonna lose eight in a row and get right back out of this thing.
Was the Giants-Giants get together in Totowa?
Joon Lee should knock it off, he’s working Chad’s side of Yawkey Way!
Proportional response? Nah.
Best bet for the weekend: pleasant memories shared of our fallen pal, gone but not forgotten.
This statue only looks a little like Tom Brady!
Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, and the members of #the14 were used in this column. Hug your collaborative a little tightah.
and happy birthday to model/actress Adrianne Curry, winner of the first cycle of America’s Next Top Model.
Are we sure Kornet’s gone? Shams might just be using the Celtics for clicks.
During the NBA Draft my dog ran and hid under the bed when Adam Silver came out.
I believe the AP Hockey Stylebook would prefer “Hagsy” to be James Hagen’s Bruins nickname.
Is the L in Luka Garza’s name silent, like the H in Hugo Gonzalez’s?
Jahmai Webster should tell Bradfo his secret to keeping shirts wrinkle-free.
What is going on at the Wimbledon Women’s draw?!
Welcome to Boston Alex Steeves, Tanner Jeannot, Sean Kuraly, and Michael Eyssimon.
Keep on that grind, JT. The fan base and the city are behind you 100%. Before you know it you’re gonna be dominating the league again. There’s still so much more left to be written in your Celtics story.
Did the Bruins make a good first round draft pick simply because their internet cut out and they were on autodraft?
Cakes are cooking for Imelda Marcos, Robert Ito, Polly Holliday, Richard Petty, John H. Sununu, Larry David, Saul Rubinek, Roy Bittan, Johnny Colla, Brandel Chamblee, Jose Canseco, Mark Tewksbury, Monie Love, Jared Palmer, Troy Brown, Éric Dazé, Owain Yeoman, Joe Thornton, Michelle Branch, Johnny Weir, Ashley Tisdale, Lindsay Lohan, Alex Morgan, Margot Robbie, and Saweetie.
Are we ever going to hear the results of the Lifshatz referee investigations?
Green Line B Branch Update: Regular service has resumed. This delay has cleared.
Hugo Gonzalez? The many Spanish Celtics fans I know will be thrilled.
Kudos to you for finding out the identity of the guy who uses his real name on Twitter.
I hoped Marchand came back to the Bruins so they can trade him at the deadline again for another #1 pick.
I don’t think I’m being hyperbolic when I say the 2-6 show on WEEI is the actual worst regular show either station has ever trotted out. Which is saying something.
Feel like I should be having a Maine Beer Co. brew right now out of respect to Cooper Flagg.
At random events for work I tell people that Andy Wong is my uncle.
Hey gang of stick-tappers, this week’s Phrase that Pays is, “You just have to let the draft come to you.”
2025 NBA Draft had no shortage of cryers.
Whichever Market Basket executive pledges to once again start selling their hot dog rolls in packs of 8 instead of 6 has my vote to replace Artie T.
Yesterday at this time it was 94° with a real feel of 104°. In my part of RI that is NOT normal. Today it’s 65° and cloudy with a slight breeze. 30 degrees of difference in 24 hours is nuts.
Lying about being a women’s basketball insider is deranged.
Wander Franco got 2-year suspended sentence for raping a 14-year-old? Was Jerry Thornton the judge?
I miss when Rod Thorn used to do the second round of the draft.
Overrate the Kowloon some more.
News Item: Phil Pressey has been named the new Head Coach of the Maine Celtics.
Don’t feel bad for Damian Lillard. This is a win-win. Dame had a player option for next summer that he was considering not exercising. No secret living away from family in Milwaukee was a challenge. So he gets his $ and is now an unrestricted free agent free to go where HE wants.
Hey Sydney Sweeney, fair warning, Tom Brady has to be an awful fuck. You know he can’t just enjoy it; he’s got to execute in all three phases.
Bobby Bonilla Day BWAHAHAHAHAHA! AMIRITE?
You know you’ve been in this draft watching game a long time when the player your team drafts looks like your son’s best friend.
Roberto Alomar gave Shaughnessy’s niece AIDS. Well, that’s how I heard it.
Honk if you remember when Pete Abe tweeted out a screen shot of some random Instagram girl’s ass and then pretended like he got hacked.
You can tell Bill and Ryen are serious basketball analysts by how often they refer to players as “assets.”
Was going thru my whiskey bottles to grab one for vacation and couldn’t believe how much i have in the house. Haven’t touched it since December. Wowowo allowing my gray matter neurons to heal.
A nice screened in porch is the perfect summer amenity.
Marner, if he ends up with Boston, will change spelling of last name to MAH-nuh. Just to assimilate.
I like my bands in business suits, I watch them on TV I’m working out most every day and watching what I eat They tell me that it’s good for me, but I don’t even care I know that it’s crazy I know that it’s nowhere But there is no denying that
It’s hip to be square It’s hip to be square It’s hip to be square So hip to be square.
Yeah, the guy who got fired from the two-hour Saturday morning show is tapped into the Celtics’ front office.
A: Chico, Burrito, and Shaman.
In New England culture sometimes all carbonated soft drinks are referred to as tonic.
Bruins should take a look at Brynov Tsaevarski.
If BYU If doesn’t want their student-athletes having sex they should just have them all get married.
“One may know how to draft without knowing how to do it” – Sun Tzu Dupont
Did Jordon Hudson outbid Pablo Torre for a pair of heels on eBay? WTF.
Get well soon, Red Panda.
Best bet for the weekend: the busiest Fourth of July ever for travel.
Hearing reports traffic is backed up from the Cape bridges to the gas tanks.
Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. HBD USA.
And happy birthday to supermodel, actress and Texas gal Jerry Hall, who appeared in the 1992 film, ‘Freejack.’
Love, I get so lost, sometimes. Days pass and this emptiness fills my heart.
I wish I could group hug Celtics fam right now.
Society has moved past the point of needing to know Emmanuel Acho’s opinion on literally any subject.
Natasha Howard is such an upgrade over NaLyssa Smith at the 4 spot for Fever.
If that is a foul on Brunson, then consider me Miles Davis.
people saying that KP has….. AIDS because he got benched for shortness of breath
I’m not going to make jokes about Mexican sailors.
Scottie Scheffler is the 2nd best golfer of my lifetime. Yeah I said it.
Journalism wins The Preakness, but is immediately laid off and replaced with a younger horse.
I have never been called for jury duty, and I’d like to, but I do have serious concerns about my ability to stay awake throughout an entire trial.
Cakes are cooking for Bobby Cox, Ronald Isley, Leo Sayer, Al Franken, Mr. T, John Galvin, Stan Lynch, Bruce Buffer, Judge Reinhold, Renée Soutendijk, Kent Hrbek, Havoc [Kejuan Muchita], Ricky Williams, Goyte, Beth Botsford, Josh Hamilton, Tay Zonday, Gary Woodland, Andrew Miller, Cody Johnson, Laura Loomer, Hannah Einbinder, and Josh Allen.
Lynn Ferry Cancellation: The 5:45 PM trip from Long Wharf to Blossom Street Pier is cancelled today due to rough seas. A shuttle bus will be available at State St @ Atlantic Ave to take passengers to Lynn.
Can’t wait for the Superman soundtrack to have an absolutely outrageous song choice that somehow works perfectly. Like ‘No Sleep Till Brooklyn’ in GOTG 3 or ‘Just A Gigolo’ in The Suicide Squad. James Gunn is a genius when it comes to this stuff.
Alexander Graham Bell is probably thinking, “First Sir David Ortiz, then Sir Alex Cora. Why do these Boston Red Sox of the Commonwealth of Massachusetts dislike my invention so much?”
This Brooklyn Bridge thing is unfortunately going to put a dent in my previously high opinion of the Mexican Navy.
Win or lose this series, it’s been so much fun to see the Nuggets find their soul again after the way they went out last season.
I do fear these Sox City Connect Air Max 270’s go stoopy dummy.
Ferry Service for Memorial Day, Monday, May 26: F1 Hingham to Boston Ferry – No Service F2H Hingham/Hull/Logan to Boston Ferry – Sunday Service East Boston/Charlestown/Lynn/Winthrop & Quincy Ferries – Weekend Schedule
People have always been fearful and jealous of philosopher-entrepreneurs.
Hey gang of idiots! This week’s Phrase that Pays is, “I’m going to go on on a lemon.”
All the best weddings happen on a random Thursday in May.
There’s a reason the Mexicans lost their Gulf.
Dave O’Brien was awfully excited to announce that George Wendt died.
I hate tinder. Yeah you can have FUN with dummies but it’s not what I’m looking for. I’m looking for a girl that will call me out on my bullshit.
The world needs more obese, autistic baseball afficionados.
Rupert Holmes’ lawyers are absolute sharks!
Maybe the Mexicans could have trained on something simpler, like barges.
¿Barges?
Threw NONNAS on the other night and ended up enjoying the hell out of it. Nice little heart-warmer.
Are there shitty seats at weddings? Nose bleeds? Obstructed view?
Please consider giving support to my Karen Read fundraiser so that she and her lawyer can afford a better vodka than Grey Goose!
Does Coach Bill know about the engagement?
I don’t want to meet the person who buys used furniture.
You can get addicted to a certain kinda sadness Like resignation to the end, always the end So when we found that we could not make sense Well, you said that we would still be friends But I’ll admit that I was glad it was over
But you didn’t have to cut me off Make out like it never happened and that we were nothin’ And I don’t even need your love But you treat me like a stranger, and that feels so rough
No, you didn’t have to stoop so low Have your friends collect your records and then change your number Guess that I don’t need that, though Now you’re just somebody that I used to know
The Bruins get a 1st round pick because the Leafs choked a Game 7. God is a Bruins fan.
Honk if you remember Electric Light Orchestra.
I watched my 14-yr old boy absolutely take over an AAU tourney/game this past weekend and carry his f’ing team to a win like an elite player should. Moved me to tears watching it. The kind of feeling that you can’t really explain as a parent. You just sit there in awe nodding your head and feel overwhelmed. Inspiring stuff.
Nobody ever called into ‘Ask the Manager’ and asked for more ‘Petticoat Junction’ reruns.
On The Rewatchables ep about Close Encounters, Bill Simmons says the lack of iPhones made the movie age badly. He also calls out, “The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Richard Cord.” Simmons is the ultimate media shitlib GenXer. He just doesn’t care about anything.
Many of the entitled play Pickleball.
Can’t tell me how many inches of snow there’ll be but sure put out your rainfall forecast in thousandths of an inch.
Did Belichick record his audio book from a flophouse?
Anybody remember when the Sox drafted a guy named Lars Anderson? Big LH first baseman, nice swing. I remember (Seriously) somebody in Boston’s unpaid sports media saying he’d be the first .400 hitter since Ted W. Don’t think he ever got an at bat in the majors. Ah, Old Times.
Did not know this but Brad Marchand’s nickname with the Panthers is -The Rat King..
The Seabees were definitely 86ing terrorists. You can read all about it at their museum over at Quonset Point.
The Tush Push would be a great Provincetown sports bar name.
Best bet for the weekend: people eagerly anticipating being allowed to wear white shoes again.
We love you Jayson, but giving the thumbs up from a hospital bed is an invitation to doom.
Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Bill James, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. Twist and shout.
And a happy birthday to actress & singer Fairuza Balk.
Miss Maine 2025 is apparently from Bangor. Supply the requisite punchline yourselves.
It’s like none of you guys think Finals MVP Jaylen doesn’t have it in him to carry this team to eleven more wins.
Not trading Devers to the Padres unless Orsillo is in the package.
Show Maple Leaf Square!
If I were on trial I’d probably just call in sick until they give up.
Flagg’s parents are very anti-Zionist and with Miriam Adelson owning the Mavericks expect some litigation and fireworks to get his signature on a contract w the Mavericks. This is not a done deal by any stretch.
You know who belongs in the Hall of Fame? Luis Tiant.
On May 11, 1888, a baby boy named Israel Beilin was born in Tyumen, Russian Empire. His family emigrated here in 1893 and his songs would make America a better place. You and I know him as Irving Berlin.
Al Horford has great foul-protesting eyebrows.
What are the duties of Miss Maine? Does she get to ceremonially shutter paper mills?
Cakes are cooking for Tony Pérez, Francesca Annis, George Lucas, Al Ciner, Walter Olkewicz, Season Hubley, David Byrne, Robert Zemeckis, Tom Cochrane, Alain Vigneault, Tim Roth, C.C. DeVille, Ian Astbury, Pat Borders, Fab Morvan, Pooh Richardson, Raphael Saadiq, Cate Blanchett, Danny Wood, Sofia Coppola, Shanice, Amber Tamblyn, Mark Zuckerberg, Robert Gronkowski, and Kristina Mladenovic.
I don’t know who Mo Khan is but he looks like he’s depriving the Heat of a perfectly hateable role player off the bench.
Cena’s gonna slap the ref and get DQed isn’t he?
If you want me to be an adult about the Tatum injury, you have to stop tweeting about WWE and Marvel movies.
Lynn Ferry Update: The Lynn Ferry will resume its normal schedule tomorrow, May 15, at the start of service.
You can’t say “folks” when you have seven followers.
I’ve been a toilet-owner for decades and there are still few things that cause a momentary spike in blood pressure like flushing a toilet and watching the water level proceed to rise.
Nick Wright’s mom always has to tell him, ‘stop arguing with me, you’re too smart.’
Losing to a shitty Knicks team was the impetus for Ainge making the tear-down trade that got them Tatum and Brown.
Hey gang of persons of interest! This week’s Phrase that Pays is, “He’s just asking for bleach soap.”
Tommy Heinsohn always thought T.J. McConnell was underrated and should be getting more minutes on whatever team he was on. Ish Smith was also in that category for Tommy.
Mazzulla needs the chess master to teach him how to tank.
It’s weird that the media collectively decided it’s ok to call Jordon a whore and a floozy. If we are done supporting women in sports, let’s bounce Doris, ASAP. Also, “she’s unqualified!” For what? Are there 8 years of schooling for personal assistants I’m unaware of?
You ever throw on some Gregory Alan Isakov and stare at the trees? Is that just me?
The trope that good teams win the one-run games is, of course, the exact opposite of what the data shows to be true. Good teams have a better winning percentage in 2-run games than 1-run games, better in 3-run margin games than 2-run games, etc.
Luckily the Dubs got Playoff Jimmy so that if something were to happen to Curry the whole thing wouldn’t immediately go tits up.
Heavily agree with OB here. No better smell on this planet than fresh mulch.
That pop for LA Knight tho. #WWEBacklash
The damage done to society by pretending broads are funny is immeasurable.
Pete Rose will now be eligible for Hall of Fame consideration. Never forget that while Pete Rose may have loved baseball more than anyone on earth, he loved gambling more.
There’s a city in my mind Come along and take that ride And it’s alright, baby, it’s alright
And it’s very far away But it’s growing day by day And it’s alright, baby, it’s alright
And would you like to come along? You could help me sing this song And it’s alright, baby, it’s alright
They can tell you what to do But they’ll make a fool of you And it’s alright, baby, it’s alright
We’re on a road to nowhere (hey) We’re on a road to nowhere (hey) We’re on a road to nowhere (hey-hey)
Not really looking forward to the next Celtics City episode featuring the Jordan Walsh Era.
The older you get, the more you begin to talk about the first job you got out of college like you’re Quint from Jaws.
The Athletic sending Buckley to cover Miss Maine feels like an HR violation.
Honk if you remember Skylab.
Should I bring a bottle of white wine, or red to the NFL schedule release party?
OG Anunoby 3-pointer in the first minute was later removed during a break when replay showed it was released after the 24-second clock drained. … Usually you only see points come off the board in Jeopardy.
The new Pope should go on Hot Ones.
I believe the NBA believes they have a draft lottery.
Teams in two-team cities should trade parks once a year just for kicks. White Sox play a series in Wiggley, Mets play a series in Janqui, Dodgers play a series in Anaheim. Giants not required to trek to Sacramento.
A sense of joy is the best way to approach every day. Tatum on pointe.
I heard Yoshida is at the point in his rehab where he is not ‘actively frightened’ by being in the same room with a baseball.
Best bet for the weekend: college commencement ceremonies. Wear sunscreen.
Big Jim Murray looks like a disinherited Saudi prince.
Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Bill James, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. Blue skies smiling at me. Nothing but blue skies do I see.
And happy birthday to actress & singer Miranda Cosgrove.
As we close the books on yet another record setting campaign of profitable professional pigskin prognostications, we here at Football Cat World Headquarters would like to reflect back on all the wonderful things that happened over the course of the season. Who can forget when that crazy thing happened to that guy on that team way back in September? And then that other thing came out of nowhere and caught everybody off guard. People are still talking about how we will never see something like that ever happen again! And don’t get me started on that wild and crazy thing that made headlines for days on end. The airwaves are still sizzling from all the hot takes. So many memorable moments, there a just too many to mention. What an unforgettable season!
And finally, a big shout out to the intern for always keeping the drinking water cool, his lap warm, the snack drawer full and the litter box empty. Imagine doing all that work for no pay and no college credit? We wish you the best of luck in all your future endeavors.
(Intern’s Note: What? )
To play us out, we turn the clock all the way back to 1966 when “The Happenings” were happening… See you in September See you when the summer’s through Bye-bye, so long, farewell Bye-bye, so long
Vaya con dios muchachos!
SUNDAY DINNER TIME Chiefs (-1.5) at Eagles It started at the very first Thanksgiving, when William Brewster’s wife’s green bean casserole gave Hobbamock a severe case of gastroenteritis. And it’s been all downhill since then, from the Manhattan land deal, to small pox, to the Indian Removal Act of 1830, then the Battle of Wounded Knee and the Trail of Tears, all the way to the Indian Gaming Regulatory Act of 1988, and the cultural appropriation by Iron Eyes Cody, Chief Jay Strongbow and that guy in the Village People. For over 400 years, the American Birds have been continuously getting the better of the Indigenous Peoples. The subjugation will continue in New Orleans.
He’s not crying because the Chiefs are going to lose, he’s crying because he found out that he’s an Italian
Football Cat lives in New Hampshire, enjoys watching football, and is a cat.
News item: Some new executive orders have just been signed…
“Saturday” will be renamed to “Caturday”.
Catnip will be allowed to flow across the Southern border.
All online betting advisors will be required to publicly display their success rate or something else (*wink wink*).
Amnesty for the accused in the “Shedd Park Incident of July 4 1992”.
Laser pointers will be outlawed.
Designated nap times throughout the day, with comfortable sleeping spots readily available in all public spaces.
All deadbeat squatters will be evicted from the homes of their deceased mother’s former boyfriend. Their cats will be allowed to stay.
Dogs will be banned from most public areas, with designated “dog parks” far away from cat territory.
Anyone using “Y’all” will be banned from all social media platforms, even the Chinese ones.
Humans must be readily available for head scratches and belly rubs whenever a cat desires.
Only Union workers will be allowed on the roads between 4 am and 6 am.
The records from the Loyko investigation must be immediately released.
SUNDAY EARLY DINNER TIME Commanders at Eagles (-6) American Birds haven’t been this surprised by a Commie offensive in January since 1968
On that day our platoon sergeant sacrificed himself so we could all make it home alive. RIP Sgt.Thornton.
SUNDAY EARLY PROWL TIME Bills at Chiefs (-1) As has played out on the great plains for hundreds of years, the Native Americans, once again, take down the Tonawanda Tatanka
The buffalo seemed more stunned by the audacity of the tactic than they are surprised the wolves are actually dudes
Football Cat lives in New Hampshire, enjoys watching football, and is a cat.
Breaking news from the Football Cat Storm Center, it’s going to be bitter cold at this weekend’s games. How cold you ask? Well, let’s go to a special report from Nimbus, the official cat of the Mount Washington Weather Observatory, for a live report…
NIMBUS: “You want a prediction about the weather? I’ll give you a winter prediction. It’s gonna be cold, it’s gonna be grey, and it’s gonna last you for the rest of your life.”
Yes, Nimbus does like red onions. Why do you ask?
Thanks Nimbus for that in depth forecast. It sounds like you might want to spend some of your future gambling winnings on a Seasonal Affective Disorder light therapy lamp. We hear they do wonders for your mental health.
The official anti-SADs clock/lamp combo thingy of the Boston Herald’s Red Sox part-time beat writer. (If you look closely you can see her reflection “accidentally” caught in the photo of the clock/lamp thingy.)
SATURDAY DINNER TIME Texans at Chiefs (-8.5) Indoor Tex-cats can’t survive in the Chiefs’ winter encampment
It’s not called a WigWarm for nothing folks!
SATURDAY PROWL TIME Commanders at Lions (-9) These indoor cats know where it’s at! The Jungle Kings crunch Commie caps in climate controlled comfort.
Take that you commie rat!
SUNDAY EARLY DINNER TIME Rams at Eagles (-6) Fiery hot Rams blow torch frozen American Birds
When the Linc is overrun with ugly dumb cvnt Rams fans, don’t blame this guy.
SUNDAY EARLY PROWL TIME Ravens at Bills (-1) Scary Black Birds get snowed under by Hairy Cows
They should have flown South for the winter when they had the chance.
Football Cat lives in New Hampshire, enjoys watching football, and is a cat.
The 15 