Tag Archives: baseball

06/18/2025 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

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Now #16 for the San Francisco Baseball Giants, but still #1 in the hearts of many a Red Sox fan.

Aloha means ‘goodbye.’ Aloha, Rafael Devers.

And congrats to my fellow Townie on his second Stanley Cup. Love ya, Marchy.

There’s a stress-free level of watching Red Sox games as a Boston fan on the West Coast that is just carefree and indescribable. Doesn’t hurt when it’s 70° with no humidity either.

Poor Caitlin Clark. I haven’t seen anyone get roughed up by the Sun like that since Tom E. Curran forgot his stupid nana beach hat!

Every baseball podcast inevitably devolves into pedophilia accusations and petty conflicts.

Catch that last big wave, Brian Wilson. In a life containing an abusive father, and abusive doctor, and Charles Manson, the greatest villain of The Beach Boys will always be Mike Love.

Cakes are cooking for Sir Paul McCartney, Linda Thorson, Chris Van Allsburg, Carol Kane, Isabella Rossellini, William Beard, Brian Benben, Andrés Galarraga, Alison Moyet, Bruce Smith, “Dizzy” Reed, Kurt Browning, Sandy Alomar Jr., Alex Vanderpool, Julie Depardieu, Tracy Ducar, Bumper Robinson, Jeff Saturday, Martin St. Louis, Blake Shelton, Tara Platt, Antonio Gates, Ivana Wong, Ella Chen, Richard Madden, Willa Holland, and Evan Mobley.

That Jones/Keefe twitter account gets zero engagement.

Cotillo absolutely has to wear prescription shoes. Those aren’t free, babe.

Man. Adam. Amirite?

Hey gang of ex-Parrotheads! This week’s Phrase that Pays is, “Dude, I killed Jimmy Buffet.”

The Unites States actually gained all rights to Lord Stanley’s Cup over a decade ago by adverse possession.

Bro, calling AJ Soprano a pedo is crazy town.

Felt compelled to write something about how The Beach Boys came to be my favorite band and how they helped me form a bond with my father. RIP Brian Wilson. I first heard The Beach Boys at an end-of-school-year assembly in 1994 when I was finishing up second grade. The school played “Surfin’ USA” as the sixth graders graduated, and something about the song clicked with me. That night, my family was going out to eat, and my dad put in a cassette tape in the car he had received from a friend, and that same song played again. I asked my dad who it was, and he told me it was The Beach Boys. It was so catchy and fast. That entire summer, I played that tape, which I later found out was a UK Beach Boys compilation called “20 Golden Greats” over and over and over again while my friends and I played “Turtles In Time” on Super Nintendo. It was the first music that ever clicked with me. My family became obsessed with The Beach Boys over the next two months. My dad brought out his old LPs. We bought the recently-released “Good Vibrations” box set. I had decided by looking at liner notes that the drummer, Dennis Wilson, was my favorite member. I remember crying when I found out he had died 11 years earlier. I read Steven Gaines’ “Heroes and Villains” book at way too young of an age. And we bought tickets to see The Beach Boys at the Puyallup Fair at the end of the summer. Brian Wilson wasn’t touring with the band by that point, but I’m happy I got to see Carl Wilson perform live before he died in 1998. I still remember how cool he looked with his black suit and beard. The mid-90s were oddly a good time to be getting into Brian Wilson and The Beach Boys. Brian was starting his solo career, and there were a few TV specials and documentaries about the band at the time. I remember my best friend and I randomly catching them singing the Top 10 list on David Letterman during a sleepover in the summer of 1994. The Beach Boys never stopped being my favorite band. I picked up a guitar because of The Beach Boys. I probably go into punk and hardcore because bands like the Ramones are just a sped-up version of The Beach Boys.Thank you for all of the wonderful music and memories, Brian. I know Brian lived a tough life, and while his passing is incredibly sad, it’s a relief to know he’s at peace.

Blue Line: Riders may experience longer wait times and delays throughout the day due to ongoing signal problems.

David Andrews better be getting the bag for having to yuk it up with a Perc-addled Fred Toucher.

The Red Sox can be hopelessly dysfunctional and Devers can be an immature prima donna at the same time.

I would like to live someplace that invariably gets described as a ‘coastal enclave.’

Pretty impressive to win 4 titles, one of which breaks an 86 year curse, and still manage to become the most loathed man in the city. You can’t write that script. Henry truly is one of one.

Peter King’s favorite Beach Boys song is Kokomo.

David Ortiz says on IG live that he offered his assistance and guidance to Rafael Devers multiple times during his time in Boston and he rarely heard back from him, he never showed interest in learning how to get better as the face of the franchise.

Just another piece of shit named Kennedy to hate. What an absolute duplicitous snake.

I love business chatter.

Referees really could have called too many men on the ice on Florida with five seconds left.

You’d think that people would have had enough of silly love songs
But I look around me
And I see it isn’t so
Some people want to fill the world
With silly love songs
And what’s wrong with that?
I’d like to know
Cos here I go again

I love you, I love you
I love you, I love you.

I don’t care when you were born, there’s NO WAY someone can mistake the cast of Seinfeld for the cast of The Sopranos.

Gethin Coolbaugh was never real. You got duped.

My ‘the “11” on Devers’ city connect uniform is absolutely squashed together and looks terrible. Front and back. I don’t want the kerning people fired, but I want them reprimanded’ complaint has been overtaken by events.

Linfield just drew Shelbourne in the first qualifying round of the Champions League.

Te-Hina Paopao has to be considered one of the biggest steals of the draft. Second-round pick who has looked WNBA-ready all year.

Sam Kennedy has his own cuck chair for watching John Henry in his cuck chair.

Honk if you remember @bullpencar on twitter.

Diversity of thought can be beneficial. Please be tolerant of other points of view and respectful in the rhetoric used here. Respectful disagreement is permissible, even encouraged. But I require EVERYONE to avoid profanity and name-calling.

Does CCRI offer a course on becoming a dog bite expert?

Maybe Red Sox Twitter should stop whining about the hot Italian chick and start curbing its rampant pedophilia?

Imagine having golf hall of fame takes.

Hot take: Carl Moesche deserved to get canned.

Belated Happy Fathers Day to all my Twitter Dads. Thinking of everyone without a Dad today, or a complicated relationship with theirs.

News Item: Pepsi and Mountain Dew are discontinuing 14 flavors, MegO hardest hit.

Doug Mirabelli had courageous facial hair. You rarely see that anymore.

I think Hollywood could occasionally make a movie or show that doesn’t have Paul Walter Houser in it. Give the guy a break.

Brian Wilson dies, now we get to bomb Iran. Hey, I don’t make the rules.

Joon Lee is either 25 or 55 years old.

It’s disappointing we have no video of a drunken and stoned Rear Admiral running around the Panthers celebration this year.

Breslow need to come out as autistic to save himself.

Seems like Juneteenth comes earlier and earlier every year.

Best bet for the weekend: revenge!

These are Stanley tumblers. Not Stanley Cups.

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. I may not always love you But long as there are stars above you You never need to doubt it I’ll make you so sure about it

And happy birthday to actress-singer, marriage & family therapist, and (checks notes) Penthouse Pet of the Year Renee Olstead.

06/11/2025 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

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Family high-fives!

Sure, Roman Anthony hit a 497-foot grand slam but remember the ball travers further at Worcester’s lofty altitude.

Welcome back to Boston Marco Sturm.

Dort? what is that? Dutch?

How is a home game her “day off”? She’s in sports! Maybe change the blog to ‘Girl NOT at the Game?’

Kendrick Perkins seems to be aging in Zolaks.

Just found out I’m banned from all NH DK casinos because I win too much.

Pablo Torre’s like a ladyboy version of Katie Nolan.

I could listen to Nancy Lieberman talk basketball all day long. Such a brilliant mind.

Swiss Team frugal with goals allowed, defeats USMNT 4-0.

Cakes are cooking for Jackie Stewart, Joey Dee, Adrienne Barbeau, Skip Alan, Frank Beard, George Willig, Donnie Van Zant, Johnny Neel, Joe Montana, Hugh Laurie, Memhet Oz, Rob Birch, Tiffany Cohen, Peter Dinklage, Brock Marion, Geoff Ogilvy, Joshua Jackson, Diana Taurasi, José Reyes, Shia LaBoeuf, Brock Holt, , Maya Moore, Anna Sawai,and Jessica Fox.

I did some math i eat 3,000-3,500 calories per day. Never figured this out before, just eat every few hours.

The Ringer should rebrand themselves as ‘The Last Thing I Saw’.

Seth cashed in on Jey, Sami wins KoTR and Sami beats Seth at SummerSlam.

Finding a woman attractive is basically rape.

News Item: Patriots head coach Mike Vrabel and private aviation provider Magellan Jets have announced a partnership the company announced today in a press release.

Chappell Roan looks like she always has skid marks.

I almost feel hungover when I wake up the morning after a bad Red Sox loss, completely sober. My brain can’t even process a thought yet, but my body still feels the residual effects of the loss from the previous night, all before I can recall that they even lost.

Hearing whispers that DiJonai “Black Poupon” Carrington is a dirty basketball player who hates White women.

Tough day for the Commonwealth.

Hey gang of congenital fibbers! This week’s Phrase that Pays is, “That’s as accommodating as I can be to someone who just called me a pig.”

I love how the terrible drunk at the corner of the bar turns into a horse racing expert 3 times a year. It’s refreshing.

Red Line Reminder: June 14 – 15 (this weekend) Shuttle Buses replace service between JFK/UMass and Braintree for signal upgrades. Commuter Rail will be fare-free between South Station & Braintree.

Can’t believe Elon and Trump broke up during Pride Month.

Fitzy always looks like he’s about to say “Check please!” in an absurdly hammy manner.

Well, they’ve got a new dance and it goes like this
(Bop shoo-op, a-bop-bop, shoo-op)
Yeah, the name of the dance is Peppermint Twist
(Bop shoo-op, a-bop-bop, shoo-op)
Well, you like it like this, the Peppermint Twist
(Bop shoo-op, a-bop-bop, shoo-op)

It goes round and round, up and down
Round and round, up and down
Round and round and a-up and down
And a one, two, three, kick, one, two, three, jump.

The #1 complaint these psycho fans have about Bruins management is that they prioritized playoffs over championships to maximize revenue, which is the dumbest take. The way you maximize revenue, especially beyond gate receipts, is by winning the Cup. If their goal was to have the Garden open more nights, they wouldn’t have mortgaged the future multiple times. They would welcome a wild card berth and hope to make the second round. They would’ve added to the roster this year to back into 8th place. They wouldn’t have fired Cassidy or Montgomery. They’re doing the opposite of everything these losers are blaming them for.

If you’re confusing Sikhs with Muslims, you’re a moron.

I hope Boston has a parade for Marchand if he wins the Cup.

30-26? Does that Barstool Basketball league not use a shot clock? Congratulations?

You very much are allowed to shout ‘Fire’ in a crowded movie house. And what’s more, the same goes for shouting ‘Movie!’ in a crowded firehouse.

Be more pill-addled.

Say hello to the last adult male in America without a calf tattoo.

Honk if you remember the McDonald’s Snack Wrap.

Tyrese Haliburton is making all these shots because Steve Kerr didn’t play him.

Where’s Bill James?

This one really hurts me to say more than any of the tweets in this series ever have: Dairy Queen – not as good anymore.

Belated congratulations to that US Hockey Team that did the thing.

Anthony Anthony? Really?

Jaylen Brown today underwent a successful right knee arthroscopic debridement procedure. He is expected to participate in training camp without limitation.

Best bet for the weekend: an eventful 250th birthday to the Army.

And Happy Birthday to Luciana Paluzza, from the latter part of the Golden Age of bazoomy Italian actresses.

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. I heard you missed us. We’re back.

Bianca says it’s a good weekend to open the pool.

05/21/2025 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

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Love, I get so lost, sometimes.
Days pass and this emptiness fills my heart.

I wish I could group hug Celtics fam right now.

Society has moved past the point of needing to know Emmanuel Acho’s opinion on literally any subject.

Natasha Howard is such an upgrade over NaLyssa Smith at the 4 spot for Fever.

If that is a foul on Brunson, then consider me Miles Davis.

people saying that KP has….. AIDS because he got benched for shortness of breath

I’m not going to make jokes about Mexican sailors.

Scottie Scheffler is the 2nd best golfer of my lifetime. Yeah I said it.

Journalism wins The Preakness, but is immediately laid off and replaced with a younger horse.

I have never been called for jury duty, and I’d like to, but I do have serious concerns about my ability to stay awake throughout an entire trial.

Cakes are cooking for Bobby Cox, Ronald Isley, Leo Sayer, Al Franken, Mr. T, John Galvin, Stan Lynch, Bruce Buffer, Judge Reinhold, Renée Soutendijk, Kent Hrbek, Havoc [Kejuan Muchita], Ricky Williams, Goyte, Beth Botsford, Josh Hamilton, Tay Zonday, Gary Woodland, Andrew Miller, Cody Johnson, Laura Loomer, Hannah Einbinder, and Josh Allen.

Lynn Ferry Cancellation: The 5:45 PM trip from Long Wharf to Blossom Street Pier is cancelled today due to rough seas. A shuttle bus will be available at State St @ Atlantic Ave to take passengers to Lynn.

Can’t wait for the Superman soundtrack to have an absolutely outrageous song choice that somehow works perfectly. Like ‘No Sleep Till Brooklyn’ in GOTG 3 or ‘Just A Gigolo’ in The Suicide Squad. James Gunn is a genius when it comes to this stuff.

Alexander Graham Bell is probably thinking, “First Sir David Ortiz, then Sir Alex Cora. Why do these Boston Red Sox of the Commonwealth of Massachusetts dislike my invention so much?”

This Brooklyn Bridge thing is unfortunately going to put a dent in my previously high opinion of the Mexican Navy.

Win or lose this series, it’s been so much fun to see the Nuggets find their soul again after the way they went out last season.

I do fear these Sox City Connect Air Max 270’s go stoopy dummy.

Ferry Service for Memorial Day, Monday, May 26: F1 Hingham to Boston Ferry – No Service F2H Hingham/Hull/Logan to Boston Ferry – Sunday Service East Boston/Charlestown/Lynn/Winthrop & Quincy Ferries – Weekend Schedule

People have always been fearful and jealous of philosopher-entrepreneurs.

Hey gang of idiots! This week’s Phrase that Pays is, “I’m going to go on on a lemon.”

All the best weddings happen on a random Thursday in May.

There’s a reason the Mexicans lost their Gulf.

Dave O’Brien was awfully excited to announce that George Wendt died.

I hate tinder. Yeah you can have FUN with dummies but it’s not what I’m looking for. I’m looking for a girl that will call me out on my bullshit.

The world needs more obese, autistic baseball afficionados.

Rupert Holmes’ lawyers are absolute sharks!

Maybe the Mexicans could have trained on something simpler, like barges.

¿Barges?

Threw NONNAS on the other night and ended up enjoying the hell out of it. Nice little heart-warmer.

Are there shitty seats at weddings? Nose bleeds? Obstructed view?

Please consider giving support to my Karen Read fundraiser so that she and her lawyer can afford a better vodka than Grey Goose!

Does Coach Bill know about the engagement?

I don’t want to meet the person who buys used furniture.

You can get addicted to a certain kinda sadness
Like resignation to the end, always the end
So when we found that we could not make sense
Well, you said that we would still be friends
But I’ll admit that I was glad it was over

But you didn’t have to cut me off
Make out like it never happened and that we were nothin’
And I don’t even need your love
But you treat me like a stranger, and that feels so rough

No, you didn’t have to stoop so low
Have your friends collect your records and then change your number
Guess that I don’t need that, though
Now you’re just somebody that I used to know

The Bruins get a 1st round pick because the Leafs choked a Game 7. God is a Bruins fan.

Honk if you remember Electric Light Orchestra.

I watched my 14-yr old boy absolutely take over an AAU tourney/game this past weekend and carry his f’ing team to a win like an elite player should. Moved me to tears watching it. The kind of feeling that you can’t really explain as a parent. You just sit there in awe nodding your head and feel overwhelmed. Inspiring stuff.

Nobody ever called into ‘Ask the Manager’ and asked for more ‘Petticoat Junction’ reruns.

On The Rewatchables ep about Close Encounters, Bill Simmons says the lack of iPhones made the movie age badly. He also calls out, “The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Richard Cord.” Simmons is the ultimate media shitlib GenXer. He just doesn’t care about anything.

Many of the entitled play Pickleball.

Can’t tell me how many inches of snow there’ll be but sure put out your rainfall forecast in thousandths of an inch.

Did Belichick record his audio book from a flophouse?

Anybody remember when the Sox drafted a guy named Lars Anderson? Big LH first baseman, nice swing. I remember (Seriously) somebody in Boston’s unpaid sports media saying he’d be the first .400 hitter since Ted W. Don’t think he ever got an at bat in the majors. Ah, Old Times.

Did not know this but Brad Marchand’s nickname with the Panthers is -The Rat King..

The Seabees were definitely 86ing terrorists. You can read all about it at their museum over at Quonset Point.

The Tush Push would be a great Provincetown sports bar name.

Best bet for the weekend: people eagerly anticipating being allowed to wear white shoes again.

We love you Jayson, but giving the thumbs up from a hospital bed is an invitation to doom.

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Bill James, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. Twist and shout.

And a happy birthday to actress & singer Fairuza Balk.

05/14/2025 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

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Miss Maine 2025 is apparently from Bangor. Supply the requisite punchline yourselves.

It’s like none of you guys think Finals MVP Jaylen doesn’t have it in him to carry this team to eleven more wins.

Not trading Devers to the Padres unless Orsillo is in the package.

Show Maple Leaf Square!

If I were on trial I’d probably just call in sick until they give up.

Flagg’s parents are very anti-Zionist and with Miriam Adelson owning the Mavericks expect some litigation and fireworks to get his signature on a contract w the Mavericks. This is not a done deal by any stretch.

You know who belongs in the Hall of Fame? Luis Tiant.

On May 11, 1888, a baby boy named Israel Beilin was born in Tyumen, Russian Empire. His family emigrated here in 1893 and his songs would make America a better place. You and I know him as Irving Berlin.

Al Horford has great foul-protesting eyebrows.

What are the duties of Miss Maine? Does she get to ceremonially shutter paper mills?

Cakes are cooking for Tony Pérez, Francesca Annis, George Lucas, Al Ciner, Walter Olkewicz, Season Hubley, David Byrne, Robert Zemeckis, Tom Cochrane, Alain Vigneault, Tim Roth, C.C. DeVille, Ian Astbury, Pat Borders, Fab Morvan, Pooh Richardson, Raphael Saadiq, Cate Blanchett, Danny Wood, Sofia Coppola, Shanice, Amber Tamblyn, Mark Zuckerberg, Robert Gronkowski, and Kristina Mladenovic.

I don’t know who Mo Khan is but he looks like he’s depriving the Heat of a perfectly hateable role player off the bench.

Cena’s gonna slap the ref and get DQed isn’t he?

If you want me to be an adult about the Tatum injury, you have to stop tweeting about WWE and Marvel movies.

Lynn Ferry Update: The Lynn Ferry will resume its normal schedule tomorrow, May 15, at the start of service.

You can’t say “folks” when you have seven followers.

I’ve been a toilet-owner for decades and there are still few things that cause a momentary spike in blood pressure like flushing a toilet and watching the water level proceed to rise.

Nick Wright’s mom always has to tell him, ‘stop arguing with me, you’re too smart.’

Losing to a shitty Knicks team was the impetus for Ainge making the tear-down trade that got them Tatum and Brown.

Hey gang of persons of interest! This week’s Phrase that Pays is, “He’s just asking for bleach soap.”

Tommy Heinsohn always thought T.J. McConnell was underrated and should be getting more minutes on whatever team he was on. Ish Smith was also in that category for Tommy.

Mazzulla needs the chess master to teach him how to tank.

It’s weird that the media collectively decided it’s ok to call Jordon a whore and a floozy. If we are done supporting women in sports, let’s bounce Doris, ASAP. Also, “she’s unqualified!” For what? Are there 8 years of schooling for personal assistants I’m unaware of?

You ever throw on some Gregory Alan Isakov and stare at the trees? Is that just me?

The trope that good teams win the one-run games is, of course, the exact opposite of what the data shows to be true. Good teams have a better winning percentage in 2-run games than 1-run games, better in 3-run margin games than 2-run games, etc.

Luckily the Dubs got Playoff Jimmy so that if something were to happen to Curry the whole thing wouldn’t immediately go tits up.

Heavily agree with OB here. No better smell on this planet than fresh mulch.

That pop for LA Knight tho. #WWEBacklash

The damage done to society by pretending broads are funny is immeasurable.

Pete Rose will now be eligible for Hall of Fame consideration. Never forget that while Pete Rose may have loved baseball more than anyone on earth, he loved gambling more.

There’s a city in my mind
Come along and take that ride
And it’s alright, baby, it’s alright

And it’s very far away
But it’s growing day by day
And it’s alright, baby, it’s alright

And would you like to come along?
You could help me sing this song
And it’s alright, baby, it’s alright

They can tell you what to do
But they’ll make a fool of you
And it’s alright, baby, it’s alright

We’re on a road to nowhere (hey)
We’re on a road to nowhere (hey)
We’re on a road to nowhere (hey-hey)

Not really looking forward to the next Celtics City episode featuring the Jordan Walsh Era.

The older you get, the more you begin to talk about the first job you got out of college like you’re Quint from Jaws.

The Athletic sending Buckley to cover Miss Maine feels like an HR violation.

Honk if you remember Skylab.

Should I bring a bottle of white wine, or red to the NFL schedule release party?

OG Anunoby 3-pointer in the first minute was later removed during a break when replay showed it was released after the 24-second clock drained. … Usually you only see points come off the board in Jeopardy.

The new Pope should go on Hot Ones.

I believe the NBA believes they have a draft lottery.

Teams in two-team cities should trade parks once a year just for kicks. White Sox play a series in Wiggley, Mets play a series in Janqui, Dodgers play a series in Anaheim. Giants not required to trek to Sacramento.

A sense of joy is the best way to approach every day. Tatum on pointe.

I heard Yoshida is at the point in his rehab where he is not ‘actively frightened’ by being in the same room with a baseball.

Best bet for the weekend: college commencement ceremonies. Wear sunscreen.

Big Jim Murray looks like a disinherited Saudi prince.

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Bill James, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. Blue skies smiling at me. Nothing but blue skies do I see.

And happy birthday to actress & singer Miranda Cosgrove.

05/07/2025 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

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If Stefon understands the new playbook as well as he understood the Met Gala ‘Black Dandyism’ theme, good times ahead in New England.

If I were the Celtics I simply wouldn’t have missed 45 out of 60 of my 3-point shots.

Popular player with the additional benefit of recency bias wins popularity contest. Oh noes! Congratulations Julian.

Why do I love small ball so much?

Unfortunately because of my knee injury I sustained at the end of the season I wasn’t be able to attend the Met Gala in NY last night as so many people have been asking and congratulating me on! Hate to miss an historical event! My beautiful powerful Queen was there holding the castle down as she always has done!

May the Fourth only Star Wars Day if you have a lisp.

Interacting with me on this app is like dumping a packet of pop rocks in your mouth and then taking a swig of sprite and shaking your face around. I wouldn’t have it any other way. True story tho.

Get well soon Triston.

Celts and Knicks have only had two playoff series since 1990. Damn.

St Louis got the Jim Montgomery Experience.

Cakes are cooking for Christy Moore, Bill Danoff, Randall ‘Tex’ Cobb, Amy Heckerling, Phil “Wizzö” Campbell, Ronnie Harmon, Chris O’Connor, Eagle Eye Cherry, Katerina Maleeva, Breckin Meyer, Matt Helders, and Cameron Young.

I don’t think Ben Volin knows what a liquidation sale is.

May 7, 1925: Pittsburgh Pirates shortstop Glenn Wright records a rare unassisted triple play. Against St. Louis in the 9th inning he catches a liner hit by Jim Bottomley, steps on second base to retire Jimmy Cooney and tags out Rogers Hornsby. Still, the Cardinals win, 10-9.

I like how religious Jerry Thornton is after years of celebrating 13-year-old boys fucking their teachers.

Hey gang of hall monitors! Thsis week’s Phrase that Pays is, “With all due respect you look like you just woke up on a hospital floor.”

I hope the Lakers waited for the Clippers at LAX for the trip to Cancun.

How come I never see the Mets at the Met Gala?

Same old Red Sox that we have seen for four years, isn’t it? Play well for a week, give away games the next, injuries at key spots, players playing positions they’re really not good at, middle relief is as reliable as Motel 6 air conditioning.

Just had a beer in the Cask with Justin Topa’s dad.

The Bill Russell Bridge (aka the new ‘Close the fuckin’ bridge!’ Bridge) and Boston Harbor are awash in green (the Harbor’s color about 35-40 years ago).

Sometimes a morning shower really hits perfectly.

Orange Line Reminder: Beginning at 8:30 PM Friday, May 9, through end of service Sunday, May 18. Shuttle Buses replace service between Oak Grove and North Station due to MassDOT bridge work.

How many goddamn slaves you need for a camel race?

I shouldn’t confuse Lily-Rose Depp and Millie Bobby Brown. But I do.

So I just learned that there’s a Wahlburgers about 5 miles away. I love a good burger, but not with a ton of crap on it. Meat, cheese, mustard, bread. Maybe some bacon. Not paying for crap I don’t want to eat.

Go on and close the curtains
‘Cause all we need is candlelight
You and me, and a bottle of wine
To hold you tonight (oh, yeah)
Well, we know I’m going away
And how I wish, I wish it weren’t so
So take this wine and drink with me
And let’s delay our misery:

Save tonight, and fight the break of dawn
Come tomorrow, tomorrow I’ll be gone.
Save tonight, and fight the break of dawn
Come tomorrow, tomorrow I’ll be gone.

I got a dwi one Halloween dressed as Hulk Hogan. Couldn’t even get Jimmy Hart on the phone. Someone threw an apple at my head.

Honk if you remember Shelley Long.

It’s got to kill the media to finally get rid of Belichick but then have to deal with Joe.

Hey Dart Adams: What were the circumstances surrounding John Amos leaving Good Times? $ or creative differences?

Mammoth? Like the rock band named after the rock band?

I can’t hear C.F. McCarthy’s without thinking of Tipsy McStaggers.

There’s still time to fire Kerr and replace him with Jim Park.

Maybe Will Campbell knew he was getting drafted by the New England Patriots and that’s why he wore green. He knew it was his last night to wear New York Jets colors.

Stop skippping The Preakness, Kentucky Derby winning horse owner guys, sultans, & conglomerates!

The Revs: owning?

Best bet for the weekend: earnest but hopeless attempts to serve mom breakfast in bed.

Pamela Anderson goes makeup free and looks incredible at the 2025 Met Gala.

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Joe Giza, Bill James, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. Victory!

OK, that was mean. Here’s actress Sydney Sweeney who was also at the Met Gala.

04/23/2025 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

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Number 11 in your programs, NBA Sixth Man Winner for 2025.

One thing you don’t wanna do is FAFO with the Celtics girlies.

Has Pedro Pascal’s schedule been too busy to do a Rosie Ruiz film?

“Griffin Canning” sounds like a mortgage-free Western Mass charity drive.

Episode 7, Reggie Lewis. Man.

Irons is just jealous because I have two scoops of raisins.

The TNA Champion getting a WrestleMania match? Unreal. The night gets even better.

One more mock draft and I’m throwing up in my mouth…..

At least the Celtics didn’t also list Tatum on the injury report for his emotional problems.

Cakes are cooking for Lee Majors, Blair Brown, Joyce DeWitt, Terry Moor, Judy Davis, Valerie Bertinelli, George Lopez, Magnús Ver Magnússon, Donna Weinbrecht, Melina Kanakaredes, Stan Frazier, Rachel Hetherington, Patrick Poulin, Sam Madison, Andruw Jones, John Cena, Jaime King, Joanna Krupa, Jessica Stam, Nicole Vaidišová, Gigi Hadad, Jake Kiszka, Josh Kiszka, and Chloe Kim.

Moxie is trans root beer. Tastes like a tree.

My comic book “Reasonable Doubt – In the Karen Read Case” is now available on Amazon. Dive into the details THEY don’t want you to see!

Laughter is the best medicine…except for Kratom.

I don’t know why everyone cares about RFK Jr’s thoughts on autism. That guy is retarded!

Five straight playoff losses for Linus Ullmark.

I question anyone that moves to Kentucky on purpose.

Only a sucker would have bet against the New England Revolution on the 250th Anniversary of Lexington and Concord.

Showers with your SO really are the best.

Hey gang of slumping underachievers! This week’s Phrase that Pays is, “Look at me! I’m irritating old people!”

The tanning dye on Lucy’s hands is egregious.

Were there still dinosaur sportswriters bemoaning the 24 second shot clock ‘gimmick’ forty-five years after it was introduced?

I only leave the house when required.

My promise for Easter I will Never get on a Boeing 737 Plane.

It makes me sad a lot of ‘yall ‘will never know ab watermelon season in Arkansas.

I saw a pic of Kate Peter and she’s kinda hot.

Boston Celtics fans should be wearing green IMO. The NBA franchise I most associate with black attire is probably the Orlando Magic.

How come none of you MFers never told me how bomb sourdough bread is?

Sal, Your the Leader of the Band. Thank you.

The greatest trick the Devil ever pulled was convincing the world Dart Adams exists.

Is Jamal Webster serious with these questions?

Nelson Cruz has one of the most unusual career shapes of all time. He was literally five or six years late getting a foothold, for a player or that quality. Then he was short of the Hall of Fame, but not all that much short. Hit 464 homers, and wasn’t a bad right fielder.

What are they gonna do, melt down and tell me I’m worthless? My wife already does that.

Have to be believe KPerk needs help buttoning his shirt.

The only thing more pathetic than the Dondy/Ty holiday pairing is listening to them and trying to engage the show via Twitter.

The American Four of the Original Six should have a charity golf scramble.

I’m going back someday
Come what may, to Blue Bayou.
Where you sleep all day and the catfish play
On Blue Bayou.

All those fishin’ boats with their sails afloat
If I could only see.
That familiar sunrise through sleepy eyes
How happy I’d be.

Fun Fact: The slam dunk was invented by star player Curly “Heebie” Kikelberg, who helped lead CCNY to both the NCAA and NIT championships in 1950. He would later throw himself off the Brooklyn Bridge after being implicated in a point-shaving scandal.

The College of Cardinals has won zero SEC Championships.

I’m glad Yaz’s grandson has had himself a decent MLB career. Just makes me smile.

Alice Cook; you still got it, kid.

Honk if you remember Rhéal Cormier.

Peter Schrager makes Chris Gasper look like Warren Beatty.

Andy Lugo, now he can flip a bat.

The amount of talent Nico Harrison has dumped is insane.

Why don’t they make the whole Red Sox bullpen out of hot-headed Cubans?

PK Subban should change his name to PK Acho.

People are frecklier than you expect when meeting them in person.

Best bet for the weekend: Green Line: Shuttle Buses replace service between Government Center and Medford/Tufts for maintenance work. Union Square riders can use Bus Routes 109, 87, or 91 to connect to shuttles or the Orange Line.

And a happy birthday to Slovak tennis player Daniela Hantuchová.

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Bill James, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. Can we have class outside today?

Palm Beach BdlG.

04/16/2025 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

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Rory completes the Grand Slam.

You know shit’s bad when Cora takes the blame.

It’s sad Don Hasselbeck won’t rest in peace seeing as he played for the Patriots before Parcells arrived and brought respectability to the franchise.

I thought I was buggin’. I was like wait, that’s DWhite??

Wait, the guy with like 10,000 tweets about Deuce Tatum turned out to be a creep? If only there were signs!

I am officially done doubting Paddy Pimblett, never again.

Shane Baz looks like a 55-year-old booze bag at a Jimmy Buffet concert.

I’m happy for Rory and whatever country he says he’s from today.

Cam in Taunton’s mom could steal 2nd on Blake Sabol.

Cakes are cooking for Jim Lonborg, Bob Montgomery, Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, Bill Belichick, Billy West, Ellen Barkin, Bruce Bochy, Anne Kursinski, David Pate, Ian MacKaye, Garry Galley, Dave Pirner, Jon Cryer, Martin Lawrence, Grace Kim, Steve Emtman, Natasha Zvereva, Peter Billingsley, Tracey K. Smith, Akon, Lukas Haas, Gina Carano, Luol Deng, Chance the Rapper, and Sadie Sink.

On this Netflix Red Sox show, MegO still has a job.

Green Line: Delays of about 10 minutes due to a signal problem near Copley.

Irons is just upset because he pays his bills.

I’m happy C.M Punk gets his WrestleMania main event. Much deserved. But I don’t know if I like it being a triple-threat. Why couldn’t Roman Reigns be Punk’s opponent and slot Rollins into the Jey/Gunther title match?

The Ten Commandments. ABC.

There’s a million bagel shops but why no places that specialize in rye toast?

My wife this morning used the term “high-falutin”, which used to be something you’d hear every day. Is falutin actually a word? Is it used in any other context, or does the only falutin have to be high falutin?

You can tell you’re in Barcelona by the amount of Dutch people working at the hotel.

Why is Dave O’Brien surprised that Rod Beck had a camper?

I feel like Upton Bell when I watch Lee Remick.

I wonder if Abby Chin’s husband even bothers (Vulgar Term Redacted). He’s just hungry again a half-hour later.

Hey gang of questionably sane aspiring Canadian post-graduates! This week’s Phrase that Pays is, “That is definitely the right Doctor specialty for me.”

All those quirky gayisms aren’t so cute when you suck.

I think I can prove Karen Read is innocent. There is a ‘magic bullet’ aspect to this case the defense is missing.

Boneless buffalo wings?? An aristocrat!

I believe our balls can be kept nice and clean without any rotary machinery!

Garrett Crochet reminds me of some other big lefty from the past, but I can’t quite say who. I’m talking about motion/delivery/release point. Somebody else who was good threw like that, but I can’t quite get there. Anybody?

I liked Jason Statham in ‘Agent of the Commonwealth.’

I can’t believe someone with all those vowels in their last name would miss the point so badly.

Honk if you remember Bill Rodgers.

My source for all things Flau’jae Johnson is obviously Owen Pence.

What is the hiring process like at Barstool? It’s a bunch of guys nicknamed Duggs who all weigh 900 pounds.

Put me out of my misery
I’d do it for you, would you do it for me
We will always be busy making misery

We could build a factory and make misery
We’ll create the cure; we made the disease
Frustrated Incorporated
Frustrated Incorporated.

The Accountant is insane. Affleck trying to act like an autistic weirdo who’s really good at both Rain Man-like forensic accounting and shooting people in the head.

Dale Arnold has to stand there like a cuck and watch Sophia do his job.

As they say in Sometimes a Great Notion, never give an inch.

My favorite thing about the Chat GPT action figures is when fat women make one in their own likeness and say, “Why do I look so fat?”

I got a skanky spam email. Don’t open any attachments from me.

Asbestos is a carcinogen? That’s a myth from big fiberglass.

Does anyone know if this is the first time that all four American-based Original Six teams have missed the playoffs?

I saw Pasta’s goal in the elevator. I’ve never experienced that before.

Steve Buckley writes an ‘Adam Viniatieri belongs in the Pats HOF’ article, and of course a Jim Lonborg story breaks out.

These Rays/Sox games at Steinbrenner Field feels like a Cape Cod League game.

Pluto, Fubo; it’s all the same thing.

Cameron Tabatabaie joins an illustrious history of Boston sports twitter sex perverts. We haven’t seen one this nasty since the likes of Craig Teed.

Best bet for the weekend: the bestest Easter dinner ever.

Soon.

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Bill James, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. Smack that, oh-oh-oh-oh-oh.

And happy birthday to British/American actress Anya Taylor-Joy.

04/09/2025 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

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Know this: After throwing out the first pitch along with his 1975 AL Pennant winning teammates, Carl Yastrzemski was back home before all the jets that did the flyover had landed.

Sox fans. Feeling a little better now? It’s a long season, in case nobody ever told you.

Has any other adult ever tried one of those Squishmallows blankets? They’re ridiculously cozy!

Val Kilmer’s death didn’t feel real. But then I saw Rear Admiral’s obit on Barstool…

Even when the racially confusing broad isn’t on the NESN broadcast O’Brien and Merloni make me feel like they’re pitching me timeshares.

What a demeaning existence. Gresh would’ve been guarding the king’s drawbridge 500 years ago, but now he’s stuck discussing Geno Auriemma’s legacy on something called “InfSportsNet” at 1am.

Rafael Devers runs like Charles Durning in When a Stranger Calls.

And now it’s Houston that can’t buy a basket in the waning moments. Congratulations Florida.

I don’t trust grunting pitchers.

Cakes are cooking for Dennis Quaid, Kirk McCaskill, Cynthia Nixon, Graeme Lloyd, Jacques Villeneuve, Gerard Way, Clare Bronfman, Keshia Knight Pulliam, Yoanna House, Milan Bartovič, Adam Loewen, Leighton Meester, Kristen Stewart, Elle Fanning, Lil Nas X, and Brooke Raboutou.

Bad news for my enemies, I woke up.

Whoever let Eduardo Perez get into broadcasting is a monster.

Isn’t Oblivio a Spider-Man villain?

Red Line Reminder: April 10-30 Service between JFK/UMass & Ashmont will operate with a shuttle train on each track. A shuttle train is one train, operating back & forth, between Ashmont & JFK/UMass on a single track. Riders on the Ashmont Branch should expect longer wait times for trains during this work. Please transfer to the Braintree platform at JFK/UMass for continued service towards Alewife.

Am I the only one who thinks Kelvin Sampson looks like OJ Simpson? Noticed the other day and can’t unsee it.

The Denver Nuggets should hire Mina Kimes. She’s so smart.

‘Fraser Minten’ was my favorite flavor of Frusen Glädjé when I was a kid.

Nice tribute to Luis Tiant above the Monster, similar to the ones for Tim Wakefield and Larry Lucchino last year. Hopefully the Sox won’t need to put one up next season.

“Hey gang of landlubbers! This week’s Phrase that Pays is, “So my ex-girlfriend has joined the Navy and wants to see me before she leaves for Bootcamp.”

He’s gonna cross the sauces so hard tonight.

Wait, so Duran tried to kill himself because a law librarian bullied him?

Unless these MIT dorks invent a torpedo arm to help the Yankees pitchers throw the ball past people, this team isn’t going anywhere.

Okay, so the Russian beat the Canadian’s counting stat NHL total. Big deal.

“Ringing in the dough”? Is that a phrase?

Jay Williams who hasn’t wrecked his bike in like 20 years using “panic and miraculous” as his “one word to describe the Houston/Duke game” is peak ESPN.

‘Back to the Future’ but it’s Marty singing Jelly Roll at the school dance, and the entire crowd beats him to death.

Bruce Pearl is a slob.

When teams give extensions, they’re not just paying the player, they’re paying the person. Kristian Campbell is not the kind of guy that’s gonna be changed by money. He wants to learn and he wants to be great. Wholesomeness level at 100 just a great dude who worked to earn this.

Congrats to Marisa Ingemi, US Basketball Writers Association 2025 Rising Star.

Do you like PEEPS? I love PEEPS

The pretty ones who have no discernible talent but also don’t want to show their cooch are in a tough spot.

Another suburban family morning
Grandmother screaming at the wall
We have to shout above the din of our Rice Krispies

We can’t hear anything at all.
Mother chants her litany of boredom and frustration.
But we know all her suicides are fake.

Daddy only stares into the distance.
There’s only so much more that he can take.
Many miles away
Something crawls from the slime
At the bottom of a dark
Scottish lake.

I was asked today about my NBA comp for Cooper Flagg. I went with Scottie Pippen. I believe it’s a compliment to both, and also accurate. Obviously no comp is ever 100% on the money. But I will say, comparing Flagg to only white players seems lazy and uninformed.

Carl Yastrzemski is the bizarro Bobby Orr.

The World Egg throwing Championship will take place in June in Swaton England. Assuming the competitors can afford the eggs.

Gary Gaetti and Tim Wallach are kind of the same player, aren’t they?

This is a super old guy take, but one of the things I like best about the tournament as opposed to every NBA game is that there’s nothing being played over the PA system while the game is being played. Everything’s about the game. The constant barrage of sound stinks.

We will use the dire wolves to hunt the de-extinct wooly mammoths.

So it’s just now registering that Wally the Green Monster’s name is “Wally” because of the wall. Is this a revelation for anyone else? Clarifying that I understood the green monster part. The “Wally” for the wall part? Right over my head.

Fun fact: cookies and seafood are different.

If your favorite outfielder isn’t Wily Mo Peña, are you really a fan?

Honk if you remember Fernandomania.

A lotta kids shredded their rotator cuff because of that Canobie Lake Park radar gun.

Whose wife did Mike Malone bang?

RIP Octavio Dotel. I’m going to have to stop using the phrase, ‘as safe as a Dominican nightclub’ now.

So down to The Masters, how’s Tiger hittin’ em?

We unfroze our Yaz bread after the 2004 World Series. It smelled like cigarettes.

Best bet for the weekend: more much needed rain.

And that’s a sweep of the Knickerbockers.

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Bill James, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. Aja, when all my dime dancin’ is through, I run to you.

And happy birthday to Czech-born supermodel Paulina Porizkova.

04/02/2025 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

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Soon. A little home cookin’ is what this team needs.

It’s never a good sign when your publicity stunt is initially thought of as an April Fool’s Day prank.

Officially tuning into Devers at bats like it’s Sosa-McGwire.

If it is the University of Denver, why do they go by DU? That doesn’t make sense. What am I missing @DU_Pioneers?

I just paid $7 for a loaf of bread. I hate it here.

Starting to believe the Red Sox might actually need THE BUTCHIE.

All baseball bats are torpedo shaped.

Flexing the gift card in the photo like it’s an Audi key fob.

I feel like people who grew up without money save things for a rainy day. And it’s really an unfair system.

‘Dan Campbell but he grew up further away from power lines’ is a tough sell for me.

Cakes are cooking for Reggie Smith, Emmylou Harris, Ayako Okamoto, David Robinson, Juha Kankkunen, Christopher Meloni, Keren Jane Woodward, Clark Gregg, Bill Romanowski, Greg Camp, Tammi Reiss, Roselyn Sanchez, Pedro Pascal, Adam Rodriguez, Rory Sabbatini, Michael Fassbender, Jeremy Bloom, Yung Joc, Jesse Plemons, Quavo, and Zach Bryan.

I’d like to think Parcells has as much use for a red jacket as Belichick does for an AFC championship trophy.

Isaiah Stewart needs like a hug or a role model or something.

MBTA CR – Greenbush Line trains will experience severe delays due to police activity on the right of way in the Cohasset area.

All the best hitting coaches tell you to flare your elbows, be as rigid as possible, and slide forward with every swing.

I can tell I’m turning into a curmudgeon because I hate almost every internet “trend” or gimmick or whatever. Like this dude with his ice and his banana can fuck off. I just get irrationally angry whenever I even see a banana near some ice water now.

Irons is just mad I got a free Big Gulp yesterday morning.

Original Mystique?! The chairs are cooking now!

Pretty, pretty good road trip, Celtics.

Jack Clark hit the second most impactful home run of the 1980s. Prove me wrong..

Richard Chamberlain was the Wilt Chamberlain of gay guys.

A team secretly made new bats? This like the 1983 America’s Cup all over again!

Can you brandish anything other than a weapon?

Hey now, you’re an all-star
Get your game on, go play
Hey now, you’re a rock star
Get the show on, get paid
(And all that glitters is gold)
Only shootin’ stars break the mold.

Needy Kraft gets the attention he craves, the local media gets their hero Duane shoehorned (tracksuited?) into the Pats HoF, it’s a Win-Win-Lose!

I once forgot to wear my shoes in the house and was limited to only five vacation weeks that year.

Honk if you remember Dennis Conner.

I know it has been a long time and nobody cares, but there is no way in hell Kevin Mitchell was more valuable than Will Clark in 1989.

NEWSMAX debuts on the New York Stock Exchange and Bianca isn’t there to ring the bell? Outrageous!

A: Store brand.

Jeff Howe still hasn’t broken the Stefon Diggs news.

Irons is just mad that his teeth aren’t the color of roasted almonds.

Why does Bill Simmons pronounce it “Mim-phis?”

I’m just saying stop bothering us with your life-altering family tragedies.

Best bet for the weekend: a #1 seed winning. Or two!

BdlG saved her points for a rainy day.

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Bill James, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. I grew up lower middle class.

Happy birthday as well to Serbian fitness model Jelena Abbou.

03/26/2025 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

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Diggs now has 69 million reasons to play hard for Coach Vrabes.

Why not just make the entire city out of sports arenas?

I have referred Domantas Sabonis to Tom Homan for immediate deportation.

Need an entry to sports, other than just turning the game on? Try Katie Nolan’s newest short-lived show.

Jalen Rose was dressed like he’s the captain of a cruise liner.

On the one hand, it’s not MY money, but on the other, Diggs is on the wrong side of 30 and coming off an ACL injury.

Scal looks like he has the opposite of whatever Mookie is suffering from.

Chisholm buys the Celtics. Chisholm, MN was home to Archibald “Moonlight” Graham. You mean Doc Graham.

You sound like someone who has no streaming friends.

It’s sad to hear George Foreman died, but I’m glad it wasn’t George Foreman, George Foreman, George Foreman, George Foreman, or George Foreman. No father should have to bury a son.

Cakes are cooking for Bob Woodward, Diana Ross, Steven Tyler, Fran Sheehan, Vicki Lawrence, Alan Silvestri, Martin Short, Tony Papenfuss, Leeza Gibbons, Chris Hansen, Marcus Allen, John Stockton, Kevin Seitzer, Ulf Samuelsson, Michael Imperioli, Kenny Chesney, Leslie Mann, Larry Page, Irina Spîrlea, Anaïs Mitchell, Keira Knightly, Jessica McClure, Von Miller, Paige VanZant, and Danielle Bregoli.

Ben Simmons is Australian. He has trouble when playing in the northern hemisphere.

Goats are low-key everywhere.

Overly wide pelvis is the “short arms/small hands” of the WNBA scouting report.

Hey gang of true insiders! This week’s Phrase that Pays is, “He’s way too leveraged. Go ask around about the deal.”

Josina Anderson tweets like a four-star general who’s been kicked in the head by a horse.

The NFL Competiton Committee now has released its proposed rule and bylaw changes, including expanding instant replay to cover “objective aspects of a play and/or to address game administration issues when clear and obvious video evidence is present.”

Cooper Flagg is going to Philly because I can’t have nice things.

Mattapan Trolley: Shuttle buses replace service from 11:30 PM to the end of service on March 26 – 27 for trackwork.

Sabonis accidentally injures a lot of people.

FYI If you like Beetlejuice, Walmart has a ton of Beetlejuice apparel on sale.

If Tyrese Proctor were a doctor he would be Doctor Proctor. And what’s more, if he was an ass doctor, he’d be a proctorologist! No applause necessary.

And it’s a free for all in the parking lot
Tell me who will rule the street
And the night explodes
When the cops bring down the heat

And the chains they crash like thunder
While the weak ones all retreat
Gotta draw first blood
Or they’ll read your funeral rights

When the lightning strikes

Have more arcane requests at the deli counter. 2/5 a pound of turkey? Get the actual fuck out of here.

There’s only room for one Pastor Pedo Defender in this town.

Honk if you remember Diego Segui.

I am begging the Red Sox to give Campbell a better # before opening day. He just isn’t a #28

Is anyone else triggered by sports figures referring to the “DNA” of a team, describing attributes that don’t have ANY similarity to DNA?

People wouldn’t be giving Coach Hurley all this guff if he were Italian.

Playboy 92 Harris Rd anytime you want that smoke.

Thanks to Celtics City i learned Dave Cowens was Shaughnessy and Ryan’s hero and basically a fucking flake. Manny with a motor and fewer dead grandmothers.

You have to leave Boston to visit Flavortown now.

If you’re asking Jim Murray for literally anything you absolutely need to kill yourself. There’s no other option.

Inviting the wrong person into a group chat? Who would do that?

Best bet for the weekend: the return of baseball (and hope) to the region.

Fred Lynn Swann? Zesty!

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Bill James, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. Cool the engines. Cool the engines down.

And happy birthday to actress Jennifer Grey, who may have had some work done.
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