2025 March Sadness – The Hateable Eight Preview

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Welcome to The Hateable Eight. You will never find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy. YOU must be vote cautiously.

More scum than villainy to be honest

Region C Final

2 Ted Johnson vs 5 Andy Hart

A freakish mismatch that Mary Shelley would love. Frankenstein’s monster meets CTE-gor. Both are so inconsequential that WEEI isn’t even bothering to put either of their names on “The Afternoon Show”. Dumbo Hart has been polishing up on his polls, but he can’t beat this Johnson.

It’s alive, but their ratings are dead

Region V Final

1 Chris Gasper vs 3 Albert Breer

If you squint really hard this is a classic “Nerd” vs “Jock” showdown. Gasper thinks he’s smart because he owns a thesaurus and Bertie thinks he’s an All-American he-man because he beat an indecent exposure charge at THE Brohio State. Kid Gas knows how to pretend to be smart by using a big words when he writes, but it’s awfully strange how his vocabulary becomes very monosyllabic when not in print. And the dying print media is Gasper’s level. He quickly failed at his attempt of being a sports anchor on WCVB, and NESN recently pulled the plug on his little watched Boston Globe streaming TV venture.

When he’s not living vicariously through intercollegiate athletes at his beloved alma mater Albert Redenbacher Breer is busy battling Piping Plovers on the dunes of Duxbury. He also claims to be an NFL Insider, even though has no sources, he never ventures off his couch and has yet to break a single story. He’s great at confirming things, and telling you what he thinks, but much like his Austrian Großvater he knows nothing… NOTHING!.

All his families Nazi gold won’t be able help Albert buy a spot in the Final Four.

I see nothing, I hear nothing, and I say NOTHING!!!

Region N Final

1 Gabrielle Starr vs 2 Michael Felger

The big question heading into this match up is will either candidate NOT be on vacation today? When she’s not away on an all expenses paid trip, Gabby lays claim to the title of “Red Sox reporter” for the Herald, but everyone knows that the day-to-day beat work really belongs to Mac Cerullo. The “Gabby Starr Reporter” thing is really a vanity project, funded by her father. Which is a step up from her “Girl at the Game” blog which was a just a grift for trips and game tickets funded by her simp followers. I’m actually crying just thinking about it!

Felger somehow continues to be the dominant presence in the Boston Sports Mediot landscape, polluting the airwaves on 98.5 and NBC Sports Boston. He’s working two jobs just to avoid running into Gene Lavanchy at home.

Felger’s paint by numbers contrarian act won’t be enough to eclipse Gab’s shining star.

Out on the town again having the time of my life with a bunch of friends. They’re all just out of frame, laughing too!

Region T Final

3 Cerrone Battel Ackerman vs 4 Tony Massarotti

The last time Mazz came across a couple of guys like Mr. Battel Ackerman he ended up suspended for a week. Ironically, Mazz’s overt racism resulted in Battel getting the chance to sell his soul for a few weekend/holiday slots. Now Battel can cosplay as a Boston mediot, all while living comfortably down in North Carolina thanks to his bread-winning wife. There’s no way “a guy like that” is going to steal the Regional Title from Mazz. Cerrone can’t hear us right?

The images shown are for illustration purposes only and may not be an exact representation of the product

Patrick is from Andover del Norte.

03/26/2025 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

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Diggs now has 69 million reasons to play hard for Coach Vrabes.

Why not just make the entire city out of sports arenas?

I have referred Domantas Sabonis to Tom Homan for immediate deportation.

Need an entry to sports, other than just turning the game on? Try Katie Nolan’s newest short-lived show.

Jalen Rose was dressed like he’s the captain of a cruise liner.

On the one hand, it’s not MY money, but on the other, Diggs is on the wrong side of 30 and coming off an ACL injury.

Scal looks like he has the opposite of whatever Mookie is suffering from.

Chisholm buys the Celtics. Chisholm, MN was home to Archibald “Moonlight” Graham. You mean Doc Graham.

You sound like someone who has no streaming friends.

It’s sad to hear George Foreman died, but I’m glad it wasn’t George Foreman, George Foreman, George Foreman, George Foreman, or George Foreman. No father should have to bury a son.

Cakes are cooking for Bob Woodward, Diana Ross, Steven Tyler, Fran Sheehan, Vicki Lawrence, Alan Silvestri, Martin Short, Tony Papenfuss, Leeza Gibbons, Chris Hansen, Marcus Allen, John Stockton, Kevin Seitzer, Ulf Samuelsson, Michael Imperioli, Kenny Chesney, Leslie Mann, Larry Page, Irina Spîrlea, Anaïs Mitchell, Keira Knightly, Jessica McClure, Von Miller, Paige VanZant, and Danielle Bregoli.

Ben Simmons is Australian. He has trouble when playing in the northern hemisphere.

Goats are low-key everywhere.

Overly wide pelvis is the “short arms/small hands” of the WNBA scouting report.

Hey gang of true insiders! This week’s Phrase that Pays is, “He’s way too leveraged. Go ask around about the deal.”

Josina Anderson tweets like a four-star general who’s been kicked in the head by a horse.

The NFL Competiton Committee now has released its proposed rule and bylaw changes, including expanding instant replay to cover “objective aspects of a play and/or to address game administration issues when clear and obvious video evidence is present.”

Cooper Flagg is going to Philly because I can’t have nice things.

Mattapan Trolley: Shuttle buses replace service from 11:30 PM to the end of service on March 26 – 27 for trackwork.

Sabonis accidentally injures a lot of people.

FYI If you like Beetlejuice, Walmart has a ton of Beetlejuice apparel on sale.

If Tyrese Proctor were a doctor he would be Doctor Proctor. And what’s more, if he was an ass doctor, he’d be a proctorologist! No applause necessary.

And it’s a free for all in the parking lot
Tell me who will rule the street
And the night explodes
When the cops bring down the heat

And the chains they crash like thunder
While the weak ones all retreat
Gotta draw first blood
Or they’ll read your funeral rights

When the lightning strikes

Have more arcane requests at the deli counter. 2/5 a pound of turkey? Get the actual fuck out of here.

There’s only room for one Pastor Pedo Defender in this town.

Honk if you remember Diego Segui.

I am begging the Red Sox to give Campbell a better # before opening day. He just isn’t a #28

Is anyone else triggered by sports figures referring to the “DNA” of a team, describing attributes that don’t have ANY similarity to DNA?

People wouldn’t be giving Coach Hurley all this guff if he were Italian.

Playboy 92 Harris Rd anytime you want that smoke.

Thanks to Celtics City i learned Dave Cowens was Shaughnessy and Ryan’s hero and basically a fucking flake. Manny with a motor and fewer dead grandmothers.

You have to leave Boston to visit Flavortown now.

If you’re asking Jim Murray for literally anything you absolutely need to kill yourself. There’s no other option.

Inviting the wrong person into a group chat? Who would do that?

Best bet for the weekend: the return of baseball (and hope) to the region.

Fred Lynn Swann? Zesty!

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Bill James, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. Cool the engines. Cool the engines down.

And happy birthday to actress Jennifer Grey, who may have had some work done.

2025 March Sadness – Salty Sixteen Preview

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The Salty Sixteen

Region C
1 Mark Daniels vs 5 Andy Hart
Rabbit eared, thin skinned Dumbo Hart loves his daily management dictated polls, but he won’t love this one. Daniels stomps on that little cockroach.

Aw, c’mon!


2 Ted Johnson vs 3 Jim Murray
Smooth brained Ted pummels chrome domed Big Jim.

Region V
1 Chris Gasper vs 4 Adam Jones
Kid Gas wins the “Hypogonadism Showdown” over Bonesy.


2 Andrew Callahan vs 3 Albert Breer
Breer sends Soyjak to the showers

Region N
1 Gabrielle Starr vs 5 Nick “Fitzy” Stevens
The Fake Ivy Leaguer eliminates the Fake Bostonian.


2 Michael Felger vs 6 Nick Cattles
Every year Felger gets taken out by one of his acolytes, but shiny headed Nickeless won’t be the one.

Region T
1 Marc Bertrand vs 4 Tony Massarrotti
Felger’s fool pulls off the upset


3 Cerrone Battle Ackerman vs 15 Trenni Casey
Jerod Mayo would have dubbed this the “Imposter Syndrome” showdown, with both of these pretenders claiming to have insight into the hearts and minds of local sports fans, with neither actually having a clue. The Raleigh resident fends off the Farm Bred Wisconsinite.

Patrick is from Andover del Norte.

2025 Round of 32 and Schedule Updates

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The remainder of the Round of 32 went as predicted, save for the Andy Hart upset of Zolak, of whom the local meathead-American community views as one of their own and won’t vote for. Ponderous.

The Salty Sixteen Round will take place Monday, March 24th, the Hateable Eight later that same week. Thank you to all the voters and spectators.

So, if you have been enjoying this year’s Mediot Tournament, or the ones previous, or the Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer columns, or the articles investigating our local sports media, or the Twitter hijinks of the local collaborative, please consider making a one-time donation. Site registration isn’t free. The Crowdsignal plug-in that tabulates the votes costs money as well. Or in the alternative visit our The15 Genuine Merchandise page and buy a shirt or a mug? Up to you. Don’t make a maniac out of me. Thanks for reading.

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03/20/2025 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

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Nice game, rook.

Scheierman has the game of his life and gets Jackie Mac instead of Abby in the walk off interview.

The Pitino Redemption Arc is my favorite sports store in many a year.

Love Abby, but her doing play-by-play was a little ambitious considering she sounded scared to death to chime in occasionally during last season’s clamcast. Maybe shoulda had her sub in for a quarter or two earlier in the season.

I’ve just had delivery of 3 pizzas I did not order. I have called the police.

It’s like fucking Mardi Gras over here. Boston is a St. Patty’s destination now. 20 years ago, you wouldn’t come w/o chaperone.

Bregman is a fun little new toy.

What was the over/under on Karen Read trial related fistfights on and along the parade route?

Anthony Pepe has tried to get on Entitled Town on multiple occasions.

You ever been to Dealey Plaza?

I’m unbothered by Coach Bill fobbing off his social media emails to Jordon. When you have a philosopher/entrepreneur right there you’d have to be an idiot not to use them.

Bruins dead cub bounce seems to be over.

A league source tells The15 that the team will be sold to William Chisholm, managing director of Symphony Technology Group. Chisholm grew up on the North Shore and is a lifelong Cs fan.

Cakes are cooking for Carl Palmer, Robert Gordon Orr, John de Lancie, Jimmie Vaughan, Holly Hunter, Sting(wrestler), Kathy Ireland, Manny Alexander, Jane March, Christy Carlson Romano, Ruby Rose, and Allisen Corpuz. (No cakes for Pat Riley or Spike Lee.)

The longer I spend on this earth the more easily I am convinced Warren Zevon is the greatest songwriter of all time.

Italians! In Providence! That’s just crazy!

Hey gang of Granite State roundtrippers! This week’s Phrase that Pays is, “It looks like a post-apocalyptic child’s party.”

Mattapan Trolley Update: This delay has cleared. Shuttle buses are being phased out.

Tracy Morgan shitfaced and playing it off as a medical issue to avoid the embarrassment? That’s Drew Magary’s move!

RFK banning food additives and ingredients is not going to save you from the fact that you eat in a massive caloric surplus and refuse to do ANY type of exercise. Your children pick up on the habits you have, so it’s not going to save them either. Do better.

Citizen surveillance isn’t free, playboy.

MBTA heat is on in the 2nd red line car from the front, train is heading southbound to South Station.

Hypnotize on a Saturday night at MSG. Enough said.

Kay Adams….elite mouth. But ultra-premium vodka thinks that’s too much filtering.

Xavier has a fat cheerleader.

Does my Buffalo Wild Wings account REALLY need to have two-factor authorization?

Rotillo is a huge St. John’s fan now? Nice.

Know this: Peter Gammons loves two things: rocking out and stroking out. Also, baseball.

Bipolar Bravado is my early Kentucky Derby pick.

I gotta say, on the list of ballsiest demands, URI telling media to pay $20 for professional parking is up there. Fix your shitty WiFi first, then you can start doing stuff like that.

Well, I’m gonna treat you like the queen you are
Bring you sweet things from my candy jar
You’ve got tricks you ain’t never used
Give it, give it to me, it won’t be abused

I’ve been watching you for days now, baby
I just love your sexy ways now, baby
You know our love will never stop now, baby
Just put your loving in my box now, baby

Wrap it up, I’ll take it
Wrap it up, I’ll take it

I have to keep checking if it’s Morgan Moses or Moses Morgan. I know I’ll screw it up at least once.

Tom Wakefield made every day count.

I’d probably bang Red Panda if given the chance. But that may be the Flexeril talking.

Honk if you remember Bob & Ray.

Using “Green Teamers” as an insult is preposterous in 2025.

That Hilary Knight is a hockey player.

Jordon makes funbags-era Linda look like Garbo by comparison.

Derrick White is so good. Love that guy!

Nice hearing Andy Gresh on the national overnight radio.

Why would cough drops not be gluten free?

Happy National Doctor’s Day.

Did you ever try to calculate how many games Rico Carty missed in his career due to injuries?

I hope Bill Chisholm told his wife he was buying the Celtics.

Scoring goals in March is overrated.

Best bet for the weekend: Not St. John’s. Sorrey!

And a happy birthday to US Open winner Sloane Stephens.

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Bill James, WikiFeet, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. And that’s powerful stuff.

Bianca wants you to have a happy first day of Spring. Probably.

March Sadness Round of 32 – Day 2 Preview

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The Round of 32 got off to a roaring start yesterday, with Faux Fitzy and Nickeless Cattles pulling off minor upsets, and Adam Jones beating back Chris Curtis’s unwanted advances (Lucy take note).

What does today have in store? Well that’s entirely up to YOU!

Region C
1 Mark Daniels vs 8 Mark Dondero
After getting his ass handed to him by Daniels, expect to see Mr. Dondero pulling his hoodie closed a little tighter while monitoring the halls at Bellingham Memorial Middle School.

No running in the halls!


4 Scott Zolak vs 5 Andy Hart
Everyone’s dream dad puts lil’ Andy in timeout

I want to watch Bluey!


3 Jim Murray vs 6 Brian Scalabrine
Scal is annoying but Large Gymnasium is vile.


2 Ted Johnson vs 7 Dan Shaughnessy
Mrs. Johnson’s PTSD is triggering at the thought of the beating Ted is going to unleash on Shank.

Region T
1 Marc Bertrand vs 8 Christian Arcand
There will be no trouble brewing for The Far Side kid in this matchup


4 Tony Mazz vs 5 Dan Lifshatz
Lifshatz’s best bet is Mazz advancing to the Sour Sixteen


3 Cerrone Battel Ackerman vs 11 Kendra Middleton
Hopefully Kendra finds her missing epi pen before her swollen face gets any worse. Raleigh beats Jacksonville

Hoping Kendra had a blast in Ireland


7 Pete Abraham vs 15 Trenni Casey
You people just do not like Trenni. Prove me wrong (you won’t)!

Cinderella takes out the Seventh Seeded Dwarf

Patrick is from Andover del Norte.

2025 March Sadness Round of 32 – Day One Preview

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It was another glorious Evacuation Day yesterday. Hopefully you too are feeling much lighter and refreshed this morning, because it’s time to separate the dingleberries from the actual turds.


This is the strongest Round of 32 field in the long storied March Sadness Tournament history. In three out of the four regions all of the top 8 seeds advanced. Only Region T had 2 lower seeds advancing. The selection committee and the voters were definitely vibing in Round 1. Will that continue in the Round of 32? That’s for YOU to decide.

Region V
1 Chris Gasper vs 8 Jerry Thornton
A man who enjoys cosplaying as a Marine won’t defeat a man who enjoys cosplaying as a sailor. Gasper will be absolutely cock-a-hoop tonight.


4 Adam Jones vs 5 Chris Curtis
WEEI has buried Jonesy at middays so he can play out his contract in obscurity. Meanwhile Chris Curtis, formerly only famous for numerous Human Resource violations, was busy roasting Coach Mayo every Monday morning. Curtis send Jones packing too.


3 Albert Breer vs 6 James Stewart
My sources are blowing up my phone, telling me that the Senior Fake Insider will be too much for the Wannabee Fake Insider to overcome.


2 Andrew Callahan vs 7 Bob Ryan
Soyjack should send Jurassic Bob floating out to sea on an iceberg

Region N
1 Gabby Starr vs 8 Chad Finn
The pretend Red Sox beat reporter could be on yet another vacation and she’d still easily out poll the pretend media critic.

4 Mike Giardi vs 5 Nick “Fitzy” Stevens
The Greek fake Irishman upsets the mopey Italian


3 Fred Toucher vs 6 Nick Cattles
Cattles tramples the Zoo Keeper and gets revenge for all the underemployed bald deniers in sportz (a very niche group)


2 Michael Felger vs 7 Karen Guregian
Historically Felger doesn’t under perform until the Final Four. Karen gets Guregian’d.

Patrick is from Andover del Norte.

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