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Football Cat’s Week 6 NFL Picks ’25

Posted on October 9, 2025 by naop Leave a comment

Know Your Demon, Episode 12: The Succubus

Mythology of the Succubus
A succubus is a demon or supernatural entity in folklore and mythology, often depicted as a beautiful young woman who seduces men in their dreams, or on a flight from Massachusetts to Florida, feeds off their life energy and sometimes even causes death – or worse, she may ruin their reputation as the greatest football coach of all time! The Succubus has evolved from a terrifying figure in religious folklore to a more complex social influencer character in modern society, frequently representing temptation, seduction and danger. Her demonic nature makes her a fascinating figure in the intersection of desire, football and the supernatural.

Characteristics of the Succubus

Seductive Appearance: The Succubus typically appears as a beautiful and alluring young woman, using her physical attractiveness to manipulate and seduce her victims. She may even pretend to enjoy reading books on planes. While her outward appearance is stunning, it conceals her true demonic form, which can include bat-like wings, horns, a tail and a very snarky personality – marking her as a creature of the underworld.
Dream Manipulation: One of the Succubus’ defining traits is her ability to enter the dreams of her victims. The victim may be completely unaware that he would have been much happier hanging out with the Manning brothers every Monday Night, instead of listening to parents complain that lil’ Johnny Knoxboro isn’t getting enough playing time.
Energy Drain and Life Force Consumption: A Succubus sustains herself by feeding off the life energy (a.k.a. money) of her victims, often via multiple million dollar real estate transactions. Over time, repeated interaction with a Succubus can lead to a person’s gradual deterioration as their life force, and reputation as a football genius, is siphoned away.
Shape-Shifting and Immortality: Succubi are often portrayed as immoral demons who can take on any appearance they desire, making them highly skilled in deception. Their ability to transform allows them to infiltrate society and manipulate individuals with ease. They may appear as a cheerleader, or a philosopher, or a cheerleader philosopher, or even a philosopher cheerleader. A Succubus may claim to be a recent graduate from the New England Hair Academy but don’t be fooled, she has been ruining lives since the dawn of time.

If you suspect that you, or someone whose football acumen you love, may be under the influence of a Succubus please alert the University of North Carolina Athletic Department at (919) 843-2000 or by visiting their website, GoHeels.com!

Thank you for your attention to this matter.

Sunday English Muffin Time
Broncos (-7.5) at Jets
Broncos bang and mash jolly old Jets

Sunday Lunch Time
Rams (-7.5) at Ravens
Rams rout Ravens

Cowboys (-3) at Panthers
Cowboys flip off black cats

Cardinals at Colts (-7)
Indianapolis Jones rolls over red birds

Seahawks at Jaguars (-1.5)
Fake sea birds soar over spotted cats

Chargers (-4.5) at Dolphins
Bolts reel in fish

Browns at Steelers (-5.5)
Yinzers devour Brownies

Patriots (-3.5) at Saints
Krafts cook Cajuns

Sunday Dinner Time
Titans at Raiders (-3.5)
Vegas tops Tits

49ers at Buccaneers (-3)
Baker’s boys boil Mac

Bengals at Packers (-14)
Meatmen grind stripey cats

Sunday Prowl Time
Lions at Chiefs (-2.5)
Taylor’s team tames lions

Monday Prowl Time
Bills (-4.5) at Falcons
Bills bounce back

Bears at Commanders (-4.5)
Washington shuts down Ditkas

Football Cat lives in New Hampshire, enjoys watching football, and is a cat.

Week 5 – Beat Football Cat!

Posted on October 3, 2025 by TheIntern15 Leave a comment

I can’t be giving away prizes every other week! it’s unsustainable!

Can YOU pick more winners than our own Football Cat? If so, you become eligible to win prizes!

We had another winner this week, who will be announced when and if they check their email!

Simply pick who you think will win this weekend’s games. (Sunday and Monday only, Football Cat negotiated no non-holiday Thursdays) Pick more winners than FC, and you can win either a The15 Inside Joke Prize Pack or a $25 Supermarket Gift Card! Your choice as to Market Basket, Big Y, Shaw’s, or Stop & Shop! (Or another, if you are outside the New England Area)

(One winner per week. In the event of a tie, a winner will be chosen at random. Winners remail eligible to also win in future weeks.)

Here are this weekend’s NFL matchups:

Vikings at Browns

Cowboys at Jets

Broncos at Eagles

Texans at Ravens

Raiders at Colts

Dolphins at Panthers

Giants at Saints

Buccaneers at Seahawks

Titans at Cardinals

Lions at Bengals

Commanders at Chargers

Patriots at Bills

Chiefs at Jaguars

Email your picks to bjbsjournalintern@gmail.com (prior to kickoff of the first listed game) and our intrepid squad of interns will make sure your entry is added to this week’s pool of contestants!

Happy October and good luck!

Football Cat’s Week 5 NFL Picks ’25

Posted on October 2, 2025 by naop Leave a comment

Breaking News: Baseball is officially over! Time to take out the air conditioners, put in the storm windows and start raking those pesky leaves. Sounds like a fun weekend of puttering around until Sunday Night Football, but you know what else sounds like fun? Banking goodwill with you significant other! Week 5 has a horrific lineup of games and the weather is supposed to be glorious. There’s no better time than now to break out the official The15 Fall Event Avoidance Generator and topsy turvy that motherf*cker. It’s the perfect opportunity for you, yes YOU, to bite the bullet and invite your loved one to the Foliage Brunch or the Hay Festival or even a trip to the Apple Maze. The Patriots play at 1 o’clock for the next five weeks – think ahead. Remember failing to plan is planning to fail.

Sunday English Muffin Time
Vikings (-3.5 ) at Browns
Norsemen squash woodland sprites

Sunday Lunch Time
Cowboys (-2.5 ) at Jets
Jets soar to Cowboys crash

Broncos at Eagles (-5.5)
Philly nix Nix

Texans at Ravens (-7.5)
Scary black birds kickoff spooky season with a win

Raiders at Colts (-6.5)
Indianapolis Jones extends the Raiders lost season

Dolphins (-1.5 ) at Panthers
Black cats feast on fish

Giants (-1.5 ) at Saints
David slays Goliath

Sunday Dinner Time
Buccaneers at Seahawks (-3)
Bucs sink Seahawks

Titans at Cardinals (-9.5)
Phoenix grabs the Mythical Creature Bowl

Lions (-8.5 ) at Bengals
Jungle kings dominate the battle of the big cats

They’ll both rip your lungs out once they grow up

Commanders at Chargers (-2.5)
Bolts shutdown Washington

Sunday Prowl Time
Patriots at Bills (-8.5)
The whiteout uniforms whitewash the Patriots

Monday Prowl Time
Chiefs (-3) at Jaguars
Indigenous peoples skin the spotted cats

Football Cat lives in New Hampshire, enjoys watching football, and is a cat.

Football Cat’s Week 4 NFL Picks ’25

Posted on September 26, 2025 by naop Leave a comment

Spanning the globe to bring you the constant variety of sport! The thrill of victory, and the agony of defeat! Welcome to Football Cat’s Wide World of Sports Weekend! In Asia there are the World Athletics Championship finishing up in Tokyo. In the Land Down Under we have an all feline Grand Final in the Australian Football League as the Geelong Cats (a personal favorite) take on the defending champion Melbourne Lions. In Brazil there’s the Grand Chess Tour Finals kicking off (a Blitz isn’t only in football kids). And who could possibly forget about everyone’s favorite jingoistic biennial golf tournament, that the Ryder Cup (any relation to Greg?) is taking place at Bethpage Black (any relation to Shirley Temple Black?) Even the Red Sox are prepping for the playoffs (PLAYOFFS?!?!) But Faith and Begorrah the most important international sporting event of the weekend will be taking place in the Emerald Isle, when the Steelers “host” the Vikings in the first ever regular season NFL game to ever be played on the auld sod. Why the Steelers you may ask? What a stupid question boy-o! Why I ought to bop you on the head with me shillelagh! The Steelers were the obvious choice because of their deep Irish roots. Steeler’s patriarch Art Rooney’s great-grandparents emigrated from Ireland way back in 1840 during the Great Famine. That means current Steeler’s owner Dan Rooney only has to go back four generations to reach his potato roots. Wow a 4th generation Irish American! There are only about 32 other million of those, and half are in Southie. So remember no matter how many times you drop “Sláinte” or “Éire go Brách”, your blood will never be as green as the Sainted Rooney family. Top o’ the mornin’ to YOU, ya’ spud!

The local Mick community couldn’t be more excited

_{And congratulations to Warren Dull’s Aunt on being the only human to ever defeat Football Cat}

Sunday Potato Pancake Time
Vikings (-2.5) vs Steelers
Stillers hand the Vikings their worst defeat in Ireland since the Battle of Clontarf in 1014

Brian Boru invented sudden death centuries before Bert Bell

Sunday Lunch Time
Commanders (-1.5) at Falcons
Penix stiffens up and balls out.

Saints at Bills (-15.5)
Even Saint Jude is backing the Bills in this one.

Browns at Lions (-9.5)
Jungle Kings smear the Browns

Titans at Texans (-7.5)
FUN FACT: This game showcases the only two teams in the NFL whose nicknames end in “ans”! Tex top Tit

Panthers at Patriots (-5.5)
Black cats get caught looking ahead to October.

Chargers (-6.5) at Giants
Jaxon Dart? More like Jaxon Sharts the bed!

Eagles (-3.5) at Buccaneers
American birds soar in this battle of the unbeatens

Sunday Dinner Time
Colts at Rams (-3.5)
Hairy sheep hand Indianapolis Jones his first loss

Jaguars at 49ers (-3.5)
Mac tames the Spotted Cats

My good friend Mac and I can’t stop owning

Ravens (-2.5) at Chiefs
Scary Black birds murder Mahomes

Bears (-1.5) at Raiders
It is officially fall, and the Autumn Wind is a Raider… Vegas baby!

Packers (-6.5) at Cowboys
Meat men grind up Cow boys

Monday Early Prowl Time
Jets at Dolphins (-2.5)
Jets take the toilet bowl

Monday Prowl Time
Bengals at Broncos (-7.5)
Stripey Cats succumb to hypoxia

Football Cat lives in New Hampshire, enjoys watching football, and is a cat.

Week 4 – Beat Football Cat!

Posted on September 25, 2025 by TheIntern15 Leave a comment

Can you pick more winners than our own Football Cat? If so, you become eligible to win prizes!

Simply pick who you think will win this weekend’s games. (Sunday and Monday only, Football Cat negotiated no non-holiday Thursdays) Pick more winners than FC, and you can win either a The15 Inside Joke Prize Pack or a $25 Supermarket Gift Card! Your choice as to Market Basket or Big Y! (Or another, if you are outside the New England Area)

(One winner per week. In the event of a tie, a winner will be chosen at random. Winners remail eligible to also win in future weeks.)

Here are this weekend’s NFL matchups:

Vikings Steelers

Commanders Falcons

Saints Bills

Browns Lions

Titans Texans

Panthers Patriots

Chargers Giants

Eagles Buccaneers

Colts Rams

Jaguars 49ers

Ravens Chiefs

Bears Raiders

Packers Cowboys

Jets Dolphins

Bengals Broncos (Tiebreaker – total points scored)

Email your picks to bjbsjournalintern@gmail.com (prior to kickoff of the first listed game) and our squadron of interns will make sure your entry is added to this week’s pool of contestants!

Happy autumn and good luck!

Week 3 – Beat Football Cat!

Posted on September 19, 2025 by TheIntern15 Leave a comment

Can you pick more winners than our own Football Cat? If so, you become eligible to win prizes!

Simply pick who you think will win this week’s remaining games. (Sunday and Monday only, Football Cat negotiated no non-holiday Thursdays) Pick more winners than FC, and you can win either a The15 Inside Joke Prize Pack! (Pictured Below)

…or a $25 Supermarket Gift Card! Your choice as to Market Basket or Big Y! (Or another, if you are outside the New England Area)

(One winner per week. In the event of a tie, a winner will be chosen at random. Winners remail eligible to also win in future weeks.)

Here are this week’s NFL matchups:

Falcons Panthers

Packers Browns

Texans Jaguars

Bengals Vikings

Steelers Patriots

Rams Eagles

Jets Bucs

Colts Titans

Raiders Commanders

Broncos Chargers

Saints Seahawks

Cowboys Bears

Cardinals 49ers

Chiefs Giants

Lions Ravens (Tiebreaker – total points scored)

Email your picks to bjbsjournalintern@gmail.com (prior to kickoff of the first listed game) and our gritty squadron of interns will make sure your entry is added to this week’s pool of contestants!

Good day and good luck!

Football Cat’s Week 3 NFL Picks ’25

Posted on September 19, 2025 by naop Leave a comment

Happy Upton Bell Day!

Every September 19th all of Patriots Nation gather together with their family and friends to celebrate the legacy of their one time wunderkind General Manager Upton Bell. Back in February of 1971, Billy Sullivan hired the snot nosed 33 year old Bell to be his GM. The most memorable moment of Upton’s brief reign of terror was when he forgot to mail out contracts to all the team’s impending free agents, thus instantly granting them their freedom. The Upton Bell era came to an abrupt end in December 5, 1972 when he was unceremoniously fired after amassing a putrid 9 – 19 record. Sure that is a bad record, but really damning fact is that Upton was so incompetent that he never worked in the NFL again. Imagine how awful his reputation within the league must have been to never get another front office job. This was the son of former NFL Commissioner and Eagles owner/founder Bert Bell, and after being fired at the age of 35 his career in the league was over.

Today the 88 year old social media maven has morphed into a modern day Baron Hieronymus Karl Friedrich Freiherr von Münchhausen. The list of famous (all dead) people Upton has met includes Burt Reynolds, Jane Russell, Hedy Lamar, Elvis Presley, Frank Sinatra, Grace Kelly, Stephen Hawking, Patricia Neal, Jack Nicholson, Richard Nixon, Anthony Hopkins, Angie Dickerson, Arnold Palmer, Alan Shepard, Ted Turner, Seiji Ozawa, Donna Reed, Hedy Lamarr, Carely Simon, Yo Yo Ma and three (THREE!) Tuskegee Airmen. The list goes on and on. We didn’t even bother with listing the sports figures he claims to have known/discovered, but rest assured if they’re dead Upton claims he interacted with them.

And if Upton didn’t meet them, rest assured his mother did. Per Upton, his mom, Broadway “star” Frances Upton, had close encounters with Charles Lindbergh, James Cagney, Florenz Ziegfeld, George Gershwin, George Burns, Willie Mays, Babe Ruth, Lefty Gomez and Al Capone. According to Upton, when Bert Bell, his father, dropped dead Universal Pictures wanted to make a movie about him with Danny Thomas as the lead, but Frances turned it down (of course she did!). The aforementioned Bert Bell invented the NFL Draft, coined the phrase “On Any Given Sunday”, brought the entire Eagles team with him on his honeymoon, proposed local TV blackouts, and in 1958 came up with the idea of sudden death overtime – which is ironic because he dropped dead less than one year later while attending a football game.

So celebrate today the Upton way by forgetting to send out important legal documents on time, or by getting you rugs cleaned or by lying on social media about all the famous dead people you’ve interacted with. Happy 9-19 to all who celebrate!

Sunday Lunch Time
Falcons (-5.5) at Panthers
Black cats get slapped by Penix

Packers (-7.5) at Browns
Packko over Flacco

In 1935 Bert Bell invents the NFL draft. In 1948 Bert Bell invents prank calling potential draft picks.

Texans at Jaguars (-2)
Texicats hog tie spotted cats

Bengals at Vikings (-3)
Norsemen beat Burrow-less Bungles

Steelers (-1.5) at Patriots
Pat Patriot makes Rodgers see red

November 14, 1972 press conference with owner Billy Sullivan (right), interim head coach Phil Bengtson (center), lame duck GM Upton Bell (left). Disgraceful body language

Rams at Eagles (-3.5)
Philly rams LA

Jets at Buccaneers (-6.5)
Tampa takes the Todd Bowles Revenge Bowl

Colts (-4.5) at Titans
Tits whip Indianapolis Jones

Frances Upton in her only feature film role as Angie in ‘Night Work’ (1930). Francis loved to tell Upton about all the times she lost out on an acting job because she would not submit to the casting couch. Proving that lying is inherited.

Raiders at Commanders (-3.5)
The Raiders keep racking up frequent flyer miles but not wins

Sunday Dinner Time
Broncos at Chargers (-3)
Bolts best Broncos

Saints at Seahawks (-7.5)
Saints remain winless in Seattle

Upton saw Wilt Chamberlain play high school basketball and new he’d be a super star

Cowboys (-1) at Bears
Da Bears drop Da Boys

Cardinals at 49ers (-2.5)
Prospectors use the Pretty Red Birds as their canaries in the gold mine.

Sunday Prowl Time
Chiefs (-6) at Giants
Chiefs cut the Giants down to size

9 wins as Patriots GM work out to 1 win for every tooth

Monday Prowl Time
Lions at Ravens (-4.5)
Scary black birds tame the big cats

Football Cat lives in New Hampshire, enjoys watching football, and is a cat.

Football Cat’s Week 2 NFL Picks ’25

Posted on September 12, 2025 by naop Leave a comment

Can anyone of YOU beat Football Cat? The answer is a resounding “NO”. Despite what a nameless (brainless?) intern announced earlier this week. None of you (NONE OF YOU!) picked more winners in Week 1 than our beloved Football Cat. The faux “winner” picked 11 winners, mildly impressive for a human being. However, Football Cat picked 12 winners! TWELVE. This isn’t even advanced math like differential equations or, even worse, percentages (*gasp*). You don’t need to be a lonely pathetic ex-con finance manager working weekends selling unnecessary gap insurance to naive customers at your local car dealership to understand that 12 is greater than 11.

Don’t do the crime if you can’t do the time

Unfortunately we here at Football Cat World Headquarters have been forced to petition the courts for a temporary injunction against the distribution of the official The15 joke prize pack to Mr. Warren Dull’s aunt. We request Miss/Ms./Mrs. Dull, or her representatives, direct all inquiries to @SteveBosell15. We look forward to eventually awarding the official The15 joke prize pack to an actual winner… which will be never, because YOU can’t beat Football Cat! You just can’t, but you’re welcome to keep trying.

Email your picks to bjbsjournalintern@gmail.com (prior to kickoff of the first listed game) and our plucky squad of interns will make sure your entry is added to this week’s pool of contestants!

Look at the studio filled with glamorous merchandise

Good day and good luck!

Sunday Lunch Time
Jaguars at Bengals (-3.5)
Stripes over spots

Spots and stripes? That’s definitely advanced fashion

Giants at Cowboys (-5.5)
Pokes pop Pituitaries

Bears at Lions (-6.5)
Lions turn on their former handler

Rams (-5.5) at Titans
Horny sheep squash Tits

Patriots at Dolphins (-1.5)
Pats flounder against Phins

49ers (-2.5) at Saints
My good friend Mac is going to own in New Orleans

Mac and I will direct our laughter towards North Carolina (ha ha ha!)

Bills (-6.5) at Jets
Buffalo gets on the same page and orchestrate their attacks to perfection! The only thing McDermott is upset about is that this game wasn’t played on Thursday.

Seahawks at Steelers (-2.5)
Rodgers keeps rolling

Browns at Ravens (-11.5)
Black birds soar over Browns

Sunday Dinner Time
Broncos (-1.5) at Colts
Danny Dimes drops Denver

Panthers at Cardinals (-6.5)
Pretty Red Birds bludgeon Black Cats

Eagles at Chiefs (-1.5)
American Birds prove that their Super Bowl domination of those poor Native Americans was no fluke.

Sunday Prowl Time
Falcons at Vikings (-3.5)
Norsemen swallow up Penix

A hot dog is all the censors would allow us to use

Monday Prowl Time
Buccaneers at Texans (-2.5)
Texicans trounce Tampa

Monday Sleepy Time
Chargers (-3.5) at Raiders
Plugs short circuit the strip

Football Cat lives in New Hampshire, enjoys watching football, and is a cat.

Week 2 – Beat Football Cat

Posted on September 11, 2025 by TheIntern15 Leave a comment

Same rules, same prizes as week 1!

Simply pick who you think will win this week’s games. (Sunday and Monday only, Football Cat negotiated no non-holiday Thursdays) Pick more winners than FC, and you can win a The15 Inside Joke Prize Pack!

A BURNER ACCOUNT Tee Shirt! – A Jar of Fluff – and, a KENO snapback hat!

(One winner per week. In the event of a tie, a winner will be chosen at random. Winners remail eligible to also win in future weeks.)

Here are this week’s NFL matchups:

Jaguars Bengals

Patriots Dolphins

Giants Cowboys

Bears Lions

Rams Titans

49ers Saints

Bills Jets

Seahawks Steelers

Browns Ravens

Broncos Colts

Panthers Cardinals

Eagles Chiefs

Falcons Vikings

Bucs Texans

Chargers Raiders Tiebreaker – total points scored combined

Email your picks to bjbsjournalintern@gmail.com (prior to kickoff of the first listed game) and our plucky squad of interns will make sure your entry is added to this week’s pool of contestants!

Good day and good luck!

Football Cat’s Week 1 NFL Picks ’25

Posted on September 5, 2025 by naop Leave a comment

Football Cat is tired from watching the Patriotic Birds play the Pokes.

Your long wait is finally over, and so is your Summah, football season is upon us! And this season is no ordinary season… this season YOU (yes, YOU!) get the opportunity to go head to head with our very own Feline Football Forecaster, the one, the only Football Cat!

One of our interns (I haven’t taken time to learn their names yet) outlined the rules in an earlier post.

The Cliff Notes version: If you can pick more winners than Football Cat you will be eligible to win a fabulous The15 Inside Joke Prize Pack! Email your picks to bjbsjournalintern@gmail.com (prior to kickoff of tonight’s game) and our plucky squad of interns will make sure your entry is added to this week’s pool of contestants! It’s that easy. All you have to lose is your self respect.

Which leaves us with the question… Can YOU beat Football Cat?

Sexta à Noite Prowl Time
Chiefs (-3) vs Chargers
“I play the beautiful game while I’m in Brazil
‘Cause everybody plays the beautiful game while I’m in Brazil
‘Cause it’s all we’ve ever wanted, and it’s all that you want still
Don’t you wanna play the beautiful game out in Brazil?”

Plugs shock Chiefs in the Southern Hemisphere’s Winter Classic

Pelé knew which game was the *real o jogo bonito*

Sunday Lunch Time
Buccaneers (-2) at Falcons
An opening week NFC South six pointer! Why wasn’t this on Sunday Night Football? Bucs win and all but clinch the division

Bengals (-6) at Browns
Stripey cats leave the Browns strewn across their litter box

Actually Cleveland is a really nice place… for me to poop on!

Dolphins at Colts (-1.5)
Ponies pop Porps

Panthers at Jaguars (-3)
Cat fight! Spotted cats send black cats home with two black eyes

Raiders at Patriots (-2.5)
Botox Brady’s team comes up short in the shadow of Tom’s tiny headed statue

Cardinals (-6.5) at Saints
Cardinals win the Holy War

Say two Hail Marys and one Act of Cat-trition (*uproarious laughter*)

Steelers (-3) at Jets
Men of Steel dominate in Metropolis

Krypto, Krytpo, Krypto! Why no love for Streaky the Supercat?

Giants at Commanders (-6)
I’m calling the president. Mr. President, we need the National Guard. We need as many men as you can spare because the Commanders are killing the Giants. Wait… what? They’re already here? Never mind.