I can’t be giving away prizes every other week! it’s unsustainable!
Can YOU pick more winners than our own Football Cat? If so, you become eligible to win prizes!
We had another winner this week, who will be announced when and if they check their email!
Simply pick who you think will win this weekend’s games. (Sunday and Monday only, Football Cat negotiated no non-holiday Thursdays) Pick more winners than FC, and you can win either a The15 Inside Joke Prize Pack or a $25 Supermarket Gift Card! Your choice as to Market Basket, Big Y, Shaw’s, or Stop & Shop! (Or another, if you are outside the New England Area)
(One winner per week. In the event of a tie, a winner will be chosen at random. Winners remail eligible to also win in future weeks.)
Here are this weekend’s NFL matchups:
Vikings at Browns
Cowboys at Jets
Broncos at Eagles
Texans at Ravens
Raiders at Colts
Dolphins at Panthers
Giants at Saints
Buccaneers at Seahawks
Titans at Cardinals
Lions at Bengals
Commanders at Chargers
Patriots at Bills
Chiefs at Jaguars
Email your picks to bjbsjournalintern@gmail.com (prior to kickoff of the first listed game) and our intrepid squad of interns will make sure your entry is added to this week’s pool of contestants!
Breaking News: Baseball is officially over! Time to take out the air conditioners, put in the storm windows and start raking those pesky leaves. Sounds like a fun weekend of puttering around until Sunday Night Football, but you know what else sounds like fun? Banking goodwill with you significant other! Week 5 has a horrific lineup of games and the weather is supposed to be glorious. There’s no better time than now to break out the official The15 Fall Event Avoidance Generator and topsy turvy that motherf*cker. It’s the perfect opportunity for you, yes YOU, to bite the bullet and invite your loved one to the Foliage Brunch or the Hay Festival or even a trip to the Apple Maze. The Patriots play at 1 o’clock for the next five weeks – think ahead. Remember failing to plan is planning to fail.
Say it ain’t so, Uncle Joe
Sunday English Muffin Time Vikings (-3.5 ) at Browns Norsemen squash woodland sprites
Sunday Lunch Time Cowboys (-2.5 ) at Jets Jets soar to Cowboys crash
Broncos at Eagles (-5.5) Philly nix Nix
I told you these match-ups are boring
Texans at Ravens (-7.5) Scary black birds kickoff spooky season with a win
Raiders at Colts (-6.5) Indianapolis Jones extends the Raiders lost season
More belly rubs Dr. Jones
Dolphins (-1.5 ) at Panthers Black cats feast on fish
Giants (-1.5 ) at Saints David slays Goliath
Davey has been radicalized
Sunday Dinner Time Buccaneers at Seahawks (-3) Bucs sink Seahawks
Titans at Cardinals (-9.5) Phoenix grabs the Mythical Creature Bowl
Lions (-8.5 ) at Bengals Jungle kings dominate the battle of the big cats
They’ll both rip your lungs out once they grow up
Commanders at Chargers (-2.5) Bolts shutdown Washington
Sunday Prowl Time Patriots at Bills (-8.5) The whiteout uniforms whitewash the Patriots
Polar bear in a snowstorm on Hoth
Monday Prowl Time Chiefs (-3) at Jaguars Indigenous peoples skin the spotted cats
Football Cat lives in New Hampshire, enjoys watching football, and is a cat.
Spanning the globe to bring you the constant variety of sport! The thrill of victory, and the agony of defeat! Welcome to Football Cat’s Wide World of Sports Weekend! In Asia there are the World Athletics Championship finishing up in Tokyo. In the Land Down Under we have an all feline Grand Final in the Australian Football League as the Geelong Cats (a personal favorite) take on the defending champion Melbourne Lions. In Brazil there’s the Grand Chess Tour Finals kicking off (a Blitz isn’t only in football kids). And who could possibly forget about everyone’s favorite jingoistic biennial golf tournament, that the Ryder Cup (any relation to Greg?) is taking place at Bethpage Black (any relation to Shirley Temple Black?) Even the Red Sox are prepping for the playoffs (PLAYOFFS?!?!) But Faith and Begorrah the most important international sporting event of the weekend will be taking place in the Emerald Isle, when the Steelers “host” the Vikings in the first ever regular season NFL game to ever be played on the auld sod. Why the Steelers you may ask? What a stupid question boy-o! Why I ought to bop you on the head with me shillelagh! The Steelers were the obvious choice because of their deep Irish roots. Steeler’s patriarch Art Rooney’s great-grandparents emigrated from Ireland way back in 1840 during the Great Famine. That means current Steeler’s owner Dan Rooney only has to go back four generations to reach his potato roots. Wow a 4th generation Irish American! There are only about 32 other million of those, and half are in Southie. So remember no matter how many times you drop “Sláinte” or “Éire go Brách”, your blood will never be as green as the Sainted Rooney family. Top o’ the mornin’ to YOU, ya’ spud!
The local Mick community couldn’t be more excited
And congratulations to Warren Dull’s Aunt on being the only human to ever defeat Football Cat
Choke on that Fluff lady
Sunday Potato Pancake Time Vikings (-2.5) vs Steelers Stillers hand the Vikings their worst defeat in Ireland since the Battle of Clontarf in 1014
Brian Boru invented sudden death centuries before Bert Bell
Sunday Lunch Time Commanders (-1.5) at Falcons Penix stiffens up and balls out.
Saints at Bills (-15.5) Even Saint Jude is backing the Bills in this one.
The Popes!
Browns at Lions (-9.5) Jungle Kings smear the Browns
Titans at Texans (-7.5) FUN FACT: This game showcases the only two teams in the NFL whose nicknames end in “ans”! Tex top Tit
Did someone say “Texas tit top”?
Panthers at Patriots (-5.5) Black cats get caught looking ahead to October.
Chargers (-6.5) at Giants Jaxon Dart? More like Jaxon Sharts the bed!
Eagles (-3.5) at Buccaneers American birds soar in this battle of the unbeatens
Sunday Dinner Time Colts at Rams (-3.5) Hairy sheep hand Indianapolis Jones his first loss
Jaguars at 49ers (-3.5) Mac tames the Spotted Cats
My good friend Mac and I can’t stop owning
Ravens (-2.5) at Chiefs Scary Black birds murder Mahomes
Bears (-1.5) at Raiders It is officially fall, and the Autumn Wind is a Raider… Vegas baby!
Packers (-6.5) at Cowboys Meat men grind up Cow boys
Eeek!
Monday Early Prowl Time Jets at Dolphins (-2.5) Jets take the toilet bowl
Monday Prowl Time Bengals at Broncos (-7.5) Stripey Cats succumb to hypoxia
I hope this is nitrous
Football Cat lives in New Hampshire, enjoys watching football, and is a cat.
Can you pick more winners than our own Football Cat? If so, you become eligible to win prizes!
Simply pick who you think will win this weekend’s games. (Sunday and Monday only, Football Cat negotiated no non-holiday Thursdays) Pick more winners than FC, and you can win either a The15 Inside Joke Prize Pack or a $25 Supermarket Gift Card! Your choice as to Market Basket or Big Y! (Or another, if you are outside the New England Area)
(One winner per week. In the event of a tie, a winner will be chosen at random. Winners remail eligible to also win in future weeks.)
Here are this weekend’s NFL matchups:
Vikings Steelers
Commanders Falcons
Saints Bills
Browns Lions
Titans Texans
Panthers Patriots
Chargers Giants
Eagles Buccaneers
Colts Rams
Jaguars 49ers
Ravens Chiefs
Bears Raiders
Packers Cowboys
Jets Dolphins
Bengals Broncos (Tiebreaker – total points scored)
Email your picks to bjbsjournalintern@gmail.com (prior to kickoff of the first listed game) and our squadron of interns will make sure your entry is added to this week’s pool of contestants!
Can you pick more winners than our own Football Cat? If so, you become eligible to win prizes!
Simply pick who you think will win this week’s remaining games. (Sunday and Monday only, Football Cat negotiated no non-holiday Thursdays) Pick more winners than FC, and you can win either a The15 Inside Joke Prize Pack! (Pictured Below)
…or a $25 Supermarket Gift Card! Your choice as to Market Basket or Big Y! (Or another, if you are outside the New England Area)
(One winner per week. In the event of a tie, a winner will be chosen at random. Winners remail eligible to also win in future weeks.)
Here are this week’s NFL matchups:
Falcons Panthers
Packers Browns
Texans Jaguars
Bengals Vikings
Steelers Patriots
Rams Eagles
Jets Bucs
Colts Titans
Raiders Commanders
Broncos Chargers
Saints Seahawks
Cowboys Bears
Cardinals 49ers
Chiefs Giants
Lions Ravens (Tiebreaker – total points scored)
Email your picks to bjbsjournalintern@gmail.com (prior to kickoff of the first listed game) and our gritty squadron of interns will make sure your entry is added to this week’s pool of contestants!
Every September 19th all of Patriots Nation gather together with their family and friends to celebrate the legacy of their one time wunderkind General Manager Upton Bell. Back in February of 1971, Billy Sullivan hired the snot nosed 33 year old Bell to be his GM. The most memorable moment of Upton’s brief reign of terror was when he forgot to mail out contracts to all the team’s impending free agents, thus instantly granting them their freedom. The Upton Bell era came to an abrupt end in December 5, 1972 when he was unceremoniously fired after amassing a putrid 9 – 19 record. Sure that is a bad record, but really damning fact is that Upton was so incompetent that he never worked in the NFL again. Imagine how awful his reputation within the league must have been to never get another front office job. This was the son of former NFL Commissioner and Eagles owner/founder Bert Bell, and after being fired at the age of 35 his career in the league was over.
Today the 88 year old social media maven has morphed into a modern day Baron Hieronymus Karl Friedrich Freiherr von Münchhausen. The list of famous (all dead) people Upton has met includes Burt Reynolds, Jane Russell, Hedy Lamar, Elvis Presley, Frank Sinatra, Grace Kelly, Stephen Hawking, Patricia Neal, Jack Nicholson, Richard Nixon, Anthony Hopkins, Angie Dickerson, Arnold Palmer, Alan Shepard, Ted Turner, Seiji Ozawa, Donna Reed, Hedy Lamarr, Carely Simon, Yo Yo Ma and three (THREE!) Tuskegee Airmen. The list goes on and on. We didn’t even bother with listing the sports figures he claims to have known/discovered, but rest assured if they’re dead Upton claims he interacted with them.
And if Upton didn’t meet them, rest assured his mother did. Per Upton, his mom, Broadway “star” Frances Upton, had close encounters with Charles Lindbergh, James Cagney, Florenz Ziegfeld, George Gershwin, George Burns, Willie Mays, Babe Ruth, Lefty Gomez and Al Capone. According to Upton, when Bert Bell, his father, dropped dead Universal Pictures wanted to make a movie about him with Danny Thomas as the lead, but Frances turned it down (of course she did!). The aforementioned Bert Bell invented the NFL Draft, coined the phrase “On Any Given Sunday”, brought the entire Eagles team with him on his honeymoon, proposed local TV blackouts, and in 1958 came up with the idea of sudden death overtime – which is ironic because he dropped dead less than one year later while attending a football game.
Happy Upton Bell Day!
So celebrate today the Upton way by forgetting to send out important legal documents on time, or by getting you rugs cleaned or by lying on social media about all the famous dead people you’ve interacted with. Happy 9-19 to all who celebrate!
Sunday Lunch Time Falcons (-5.5) at Panthers Black cats get slapped by Penix
Packers (-7.5) at Browns Packko over Flacco
In 1935 Bert Bell invents the NFL draft. In 1948 Bert Bell invents prank calling potential draft picks.
Texans at Jaguars (-2) Texicats hog tie spotted cats
Bengals at Vikings (-3) Norsemen beat Burrow-less Bungles
Steelers (-1.5) at Patriots Pat Patriot makes Rodgers see red
November 14, 1972 press conference with owner Billy Sullivan (right), interim head coach Phil Bengtson (center), lame duck GM Upton Bell (left). Disgraceful body language
Rams at Eagles (-3.5) Philly rams LA
Jets at Buccaneers (-6.5) Tampa takes the Todd Bowles Revenge Bowl
Colts (-4.5) at Titans Tits whip Indianapolis Jones
Frances Upton in her only feature film role as Angie in ‘Night Work’ (1930). Francis loved to tell Upton about all the times she lost out on an acting job because she would not submit to the casting couch. Proving that lying is inherited.
Raiders at Commanders (-3.5) The Raiders keep racking up frequent flyer miles but not wins
Sunday Dinner Time Broncos at Chargers (-3) Bolts best Broncos
Saints at Seahawks (-7.5) Saints remain winless in Seattle
Upton saw Wilt Chamberlain play high school basketball and new he’d be a super star
Cowboys (-1) at Bears Da Bears drop Da Boys
Cardinals at 49ers (-2.5) Prospectors use the Pretty Red Birds as their canaries in the gold mine.
Sunday Prowl Time Chiefs (-6) at Giants Chiefs cut the Giants down to size
9 wins as Patriots GM work out to 1 win for every tooth
Monday Prowl Time Lions at Ravens (-4.5) Scary black birds tame the big cats
Football Cat lives in New Hampshire, enjoys watching football, and is a cat.
Can anyone of YOU beat Football Cat? The answer is a resounding “NO”. Despite what a nameless (brainless?) intern announced earlier this week. None of you (NONE OF YOU!) picked more winners in Week 1 than our beloved Football Cat. The faux “winner” picked 11 winners, mildly impressive for a human being. However, Football Cat picked 12 winners! TWELVE. This isn’t even advanced math like differential equations or, even worse, percentages (*gasp*). You don’t need to be a lonely pathetic ex-con finance manager working weekends selling unnecessary gap insurance to naive customers at your local car dealership to understand that 12 is greater than 11.
Don’t do the crime if you can’t do the time
Unfortunately we here at Football Cat World Headquarters have been forced to petition the courts for a temporary injunction against the distribution of the official The15 joke prize pack to Mr. Warren Dull’s aunt. We request Miss/Ms./Mrs. Dull, or her representatives, direct all inquiries to @SteveBosell15. We look forward to eventually awarding the official The15 joke prize pack to an actual winner… which will be never, because YOU can’t beat Football Cat! You just can’t, but you’re welcome to keep trying.
Email your picks to bjbsjournalintern@gmail.com (prior to kickoff of the first listed game) and our plucky squad of interns will make sure your entry is added to this week’s pool of contestants!
Look at the studio filled with glamorous merchandise
Good day and good luck!
Sunday Lunch Time Jaguars at Bengals (-3.5) Stripes over spots
Spots and stripes? That’s definitely advanced fashion
Giants at Cowboys (-5.5) Pokes pop Pituitaries
Bears at Lions (-6.5) Lions turn on their former handler
Welcome back Ben Johnson
Rams (-5.5) at Titans Horny sheep squash Tits
Patriots at Dolphins (-1.5) Pats flounder against Phins
49ers (-2.5) at Saints My good friend Mac is going to own in New Orleans
Mac and I will direct our laughter towards North Carolina (ha ha ha!)
Bills (-6.5) at Jets Buffalo gets on the same page and orchestrate their attacks to perfection! The only thing McDermott is upset about is that this game wasn’t played on Thursday.
Teamwork makes the dream work
Seahawks at Steelers (-2.5) Rodgers keeps rolling
Browns at Ravens (-11.5) Black birds soar over Browns
Sunday Dinner Time Broncos (-1.5) at Colts Danny Dimes drops Denver
Panthers at Cardinals (-6.5) Pretty Red Birds bludgeon Black Cats
That bird is jacked
Eagles at Chiefs (-1.5) American Birds prove that their Super Bowl domination of those poor Native Americans was no fluke.
Sunday Prowl Time Falcons at Vikings (-3.5) Norsemen swallow up Penix
A hot dog is all the censors would allow us to use
Monday Prowl Time Buccaneers at Texans (-2.5) Texicans trounce Tampa
Monday Sleepy Time Chargers (-3.5) at Raiders Plugs short circuit the strip
Stick to gambling kids, it’s safer
Football Cat lives in New Hampshire, enjoys watching football, and is a cat.
Simply pick who you think will win this week’s games. (Sunday and Monday only, Football Cat negotiated no non-holiday Thursdays) Pick more winners than FC, and you can win a The15 Inside Joke Prize Pack!
A BURNER ACCOUNT Tee Shirt! – A Jar of Fluff – and, a KENO snapback hat!
(One winner per week. In the event of a tie, a winner will be chosen at random. Winners remail eligible to also win in future weeks.)
Here are this week’s NFL matchups:
JaguarsBengals
Patriots Dolphins
GiantsCowboys
BearsLions
Rams Titans
49ers Saints
Bills Jets
Seahawks Steelers
Browns Ravens
Broncos Colts
Panthers Cardinals
Eagles Chiefs
Falcons Vikings
Bucs Texans
Chargers Raiders Tiebreaker – total points scored combined
Email your picks to bjbsjournalintern@gmail.com (prior to kickoff of the first listed game) and our plucky squad of interns will make sure your entry is added to this week’s pool of contestants!
Can you pick more winners than our own Football Cat? If so, you become eligible to win prizes!
Simply pick who you think will win this week’s games. (Friday, Sunday and Monday only, Football Cat negotiated no non-holiday Thursdays) Pick more winners than FC, and you can win a The15 Inside Joke Prize Pack!
A BURNER ACCOUNT Tee Shirt!
A Jar of Fluff
and a KENO snapback hat!
Wow
(One winner per week. In the event of a tie, a winner will be chosen at random. Winners remail eligible to also win in future weeks.)
Here are this week’s NFL matchups:
Chiefs Chargers
Bucs Falcons
Bengals Browns
Dolphins Colts
Raiders Patriots
Cardinals Saints
Steelers Jets
Giants Commanders
Panthers Jaguars
Titans Broncos
49ers Seahawks
Lions Packers
Texans Rams
Ravens Bills
Vikings Bears Tiebreaker – total points
Email your picks to bjbsjournalintern@gmail.com (prior to kickoff of the first listed game) and our plucky squad of interns will make sure your entry is added to this week’s pool of contestants!
Welcome to the first ever Summertime Sour Sixteen! If you like new media and Red Sox broadcasters, or more importantly if you don’t like new media and Red Sox broadcasters, then this is the competition for you! We’ve got six podcasters, seven current or former members of Red Sox radio/TV broadcasts, two crusty old newspaper men and one weepy grifter. (Sung to the tune of The Twelve Days of Christmas)
Region B 1 Dave O’Brien vs 4 Steve Perrault O’Brien wasn’t bad on radio play-by-play. However, he is so bad on TV that he actually makes people long for the days of Don Orsillo. Now that’s bad. Perrault is just one of the Carrabis’s many forgettable goofball sidekicks. O’Brien walks it off.
2 Chad Finn vs 3 Rob Bradford Hairy vag faced Bradfo will smother Wax Pack Chad under a pile of wrinkled t-shirts.
Chad should have stayed in the safety of internet free Mid-coast Maine
Region V (aka The Section 10 free region) 1 Gabby Starr vs 4 Justin MLB Here’s a tip for any of you looking to participate in next year’s Mini-Tourney. Put “MLB” in your twitter handle, it will set you apart from your average run of the mill baseball fans named Justin. Gabz won’t even need to come back from one of her many in-season vacations to dispatch Mr. Gonzalez.
2 Tom Caron vs 6 Hogdale The Hogriders came out in force and pushed their hero into Round 2. They may have misunderstood the assignment though. How could anyone not appreciate the passion that Grant Huckvale brings to the role of “Hogdale”? It’s always a tour de force performance. Grant is matched up with milquetoast Tom Caron. No matter how many hair plugs Caron gets, it will never be enough to mask his Megamind Forehead. Dr. Tom Leonard’s least successful client moves on.
His comb over is much more lustrous now
Region N 1 Jared Carrabis vs 4 Coley Mick Jared Carrabis is a better more knowledgeable fan than YOU. Sorry, just deal with it losers. “Coley Mick” is a lace curtain Irish dunce. “Car Rubbish”® will mash that bloated spud in the Section 10 showdown.
2 Tony Massarotti vs 3 Will Fleming It seems unfair to have the March Sadness runner up in the Midsummer Mini-Tourney, but that’s baseball. Maybe if Will Fleming starts speaking Spanish, Tony will run away and hide. Unfortunately the only Spanish Mazz will hear from Fleming is “No Más“.
Region T 1 Pete Abraham vs 4 Tyler Milikin This match up should be introduced by Dale Dorman as part of the Creature Double Feature. Sentient garden gnome (Abraham) takes on an obese two legged centaur (Milikin). The winner may depend on what country you live in.
Avert your eyes… they’re both hideous!
2 Tyler Broadman vs 3 Mike McCarthy Is Mike McCarthy the pudgy bearded millennial doofus who figured out you can lose weight by eating salads, or is he the pudgy bearded millennial doofus with horrible teeth, or is he the pudgy bearded millennial doofus who couldn’t successfully book flights for his honeymoon or is he McBone? It’s hard to keep track of all these wacky call screeners. Tyler Broadman may turn out to be a decent play-by-play man once he completes puberty, but his fake radio voice and Connecticut School of Broadcasting cadence make me want to ram my score keeping pencil in my ears. This a tough one, but McCarthy squeezes by.
The 15 