The Immaculate Grid, Boston sports media edition. This week’s theme, people who care way too much about the Bill Belichick-Jordon Hudson gossip.
Current media members, local & national, in their present or previous job formats. There may only be one answer, and you can’t use anyone more than once. Best of luck.
(Dear The15net dot com Wicked Pissah Beantown Chowderheads Platinum Elite Members; Here is the now-traditional musical playlist for your Memorial Day enjoyment. Number five over here, if you’re counting. Click HERE to download.)
Jealous Again – The Black Irons
See See Ryder – Marion and the Des Moines Wheels
Resignation Super Sad Man – J.P. Long and the Green Monsters
Achilles’ Last Stand – Jayson Isbell and the Argonauts
She’s Taking Care of Business (& the Kids too) – Bowen Turner Underdrive
Kratomic Punk – Van Salen
Loserville (Could Be My Fault) – Jaylen Brown and the Loose Handle Band
(Going on a) Lemon – SteveR2
I Do Have a Hammer – Peter, Paul, and Pissy
Sara – Bell Biv Defoe
The Cardinal of Comiskey – The New Popes
The Breakup Song – Greg Kihn Band
Saturday in Shedd Park – Lowell Transit Authority
The Song of the Seabees – Fort Leonard Wood Stockade Men’s Chorus
Flat Ass, Annoying Accent – The Proctors
Johnny B Hood – Gary W. Tallent and the Army of Tennessee Head Canon Band
girlfriend in an anaphylactic coma – The Smiddletons
I’ll Sauce You Babe – Joshy and Cher
Rug Pullin’ – Hawk Tuah Girl & Taylor
Losing By Winning – MayoNoise
Ambiguously Employed Girl Summer – MegO the Stallion
Inwords in Iowa – Lay-Z
I Hit the Sheriff – Karen Read and the Failures
No Heir – Jordin Hudson
Ready to Start (sending out resumes) – Arcand Fire(d)
Saturday in Shedd Park (I think, it was the Fourth of July) – Steve Redding and The Knights of Columbus
Fat Salad – Tommy Otterpops
Two Out of Three Ain’t Bad – The Thornton Brothers
Upton Girl – Kevin,
Never Made It Big – D’Wayne! Dwyane! Duane!
Bing Bong Bleh – Liza with an ‘L’
Killing In The Name Of – Union Wage Against The Machine
WZL(e)X-employee – Rich Switch
Boolin in the Yoffs – Steely Dan with Adele
Get Your Biscuits in the Oven and Your Buns in the Bed – Kinky Friedman and the Texas Jewboys
Train of Thought – Two Fast Lennys
Theme to ‘Dracula Cops’ – The Crystal Method
Cleveland Rocks – Piggy Smalls
For The Good Times – Kris Kristofferson
Girls In Sports – Duran Duran
Swoopin’ – Ron Muskmelon Catamount
Sheetcakes in Heaven (Goodbye LJ) – Wellesley HS Concert Band
The Monster Nash – The Marionettes
Woman is the My Man of the World- Chibbs One!
Tush Push Boogie – Ernie and the Automatics
Fuck Machine – The Monkees
My Ninja Creami (Brings the Boys) – Kenni thee Middi
Visualization Of The Space Mind Gargamel III: Aussie Rules Breakdancing – Dero Spedes
A Great Day in Dedham – FKR Hallelujah Chorus
La Bamba – Gord Marley and the Whalers
Wack Pack Bingo – Ryder the Great
Weddings Are Nice – The Fifth Dimension
Niamos! – Chandrilla DiscoDroid
Monjaro Blonde – Thin Glizzy
(I’m You’re) Cupcake Man – Van Salen
(Have a song suggestion? Or a compliment? Leave it in the comments!)
I wish I could group hug Celtics fam right now.
Society has moved past the point of needing to know Emmanuel Acho’s opinion on literally any subject.
Natasha Howard is such an upgrade over NaLyssa Smith at the 4 spot for Fever.
If that is a foul on Brunson, then consider me Miles Davis.
people saying that KP has….. AIDS because he got benched for shortness of breath
I’m not going to make jokes about Mexican sailors.
Scottie Scheffler is the 2nd best golfer of my lifetime. Yeah I said it.
Journalism wins The Preakness, but is immediately laid off and replaced with a younger horse.
I have never been called for jury duty, and I’d like to, but I do have serious concerns about my ability to stay awake throughout an entire trial.
Cakes are cooking for Bobby Cox, Ronald Isley, Leo Sayer, Al Franken, Mr. T, John Galvin, Stan Lynch, Bruce Buffer, Judge Reinhold, Renée Soutendijk, Kent Hrbek, Havoc [Kejuan Muchita], Ricky Williams, Goyte, Beth Botsford, Josh Hamilton, Tay Zonday, Gary Woodland, Andrew Miller, Cody Johnson, Laura Loomer, Hannah Einbinder, and Josh Allen.
Lynn Ferry Cancellation: The 5:45 PM trip from Long Wharf to Blossom Street Pier is cancelled today due to rough seas. A shuttle bus will be available at State St @ Atlantic Ave to take passengers to Lynn.
Can’t wait for the Superman soundtrack to have an absolutely outrageous song choice that somehow works perfectly. Like ‘No Sleep Till Brooklyn’ in GOTG 3 or ‘Just A Gigolo’ in The Suicide Squad. James Gunn is a genius when it comes to this stuff.
Alexander Graham Bell is probably thinking, “First Sir David Ortiz, then Sir Alex Cora. Why do these Boston Red Sox of the Commonwealth of Massachusetts dislike my invention so much?”
This Brooklyn Bridge thing is unfortunately going to put a dent in my previously high opinion of the Mexican Navy.
Win or lose this series, it’s been so much fun to see the Nuggets find their soul again after the way they went out last season.
I do fear these Sox City Connect Air Max 270’s go stoopy dummy.
Ferry Service for Memorial Day, Monday, May 26: F1 Hingham to Boston Ferry – No Service F2H Hingham/Hull/Logan to Boston Ferry – Sunday Service East Boston/Charlestown/Lynn/Winthrop & Quincy Ferries – Weekend Schedule
People have always been fearful and jealous of philosopher-entrepreneurs.
Hey gang of idiots! This week’s Phrase that Pays is, “I’m going to go on on a lemon.”
All the best weddings happen on a random Thursday in May.
There’s a reason the Mexicans lost their Gulf.
Dave O’Brien was awfully excited to announce that George Wendt died.
I hate tinder. Yeah you can have FUN with dummies but it’s not what I’m looking for. I’m looking for a girl that will call me out on my bullshit.
The world needs more obese, autistic baseball afficionados.
Rupert Holmes’ lawyers are absolute sharks!
Maybe the Mexicans could have trained on something simpler, like barges.
Threw NONNAS on the other night and ended up enjoying the hell out of it. Nice little heart-warmer.
Are there shitty seats at weddings? Nose bleeds? Obstructed view?
Please consider giving support to my Karen Read fundraiser so that she and her lawyer can afford a better vodka than Grey Goose!
Does Coach Bill know about the engagement?
I don’t want to meet the person who buys used furniture.
You can get addicted to a certain kinda sadness
Like resignation to the end, always the end
So when we found that we could not make sense
Well, you said that we would still be friends
But I’ll admit that I was glad it was over
But you didn’t have to cut me off
Make out like it never happened and that we were nothin’
And I don’t even need your love
But you treat me like a stranger, and that feels so rough
No, you didn’t have to stoop so low
Have your friends collect your records and then change your number
Guess that I don’t need that, though
Now you’re just somebody that I used to know
The Bruins get a 1st round pick because the Leafs choked a Game 7. God is a Bruins fan.
Honk if you remember Electric Light Orchestra.
I watched my 14-yr old boy absolutely take over an AAU tourney/game this past weekend and carry his f’ing team to a win like an elite player should. Moved me to tears watching it. The kind of feeling that you can’t really explain as a parent. You just sit there in awe nodding your head and feel overwhelmed. Inspiring stuff.
Nobody ever called into ‘Ask the Manager’ and asked for more ‘Petticoat Junction’ reruns.
On The Rewatchables ep about Close Encounters, Bill Simmons says the lack of iPhones made the movie age badly. He also calls out, “The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Richard Cord.” Simmons is the ultimate media shitlib GenXer. He just doesn’t care about anything.
Many of the entitled play Pickleball.
Can’t tell me how many inches of snow there’ll be but sure put out your rainfall forecast in thousandths of an inch.
Did Belichick record his audio book from a flophouse?
Anybody remember when the Sox drafted a guy named Lars Anderson? Big LH first baseman, nice swing. I remember (Seriously) somebody in Boston’s unpaid sports media saying he’d be the first .400 hitter since Ted W. Don’t think he ever got an at bat in the majors. Ah, Old Times.
Did not know this but Brad Marchand’s nickname with the Panthers is -The Rat King..
The Seabees were definitely 86ing terrorists. You can read all about it at their museum over at Quonset Point.
The Tush Push would be a great Provincetown sports bar name.
Best bet for the weekend: people eagerly anticipating being allowed to wear white shoes again.
Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Bill James, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. Twist and shout.
It’s like none of you guys think Finals MVP Jaylen doesn’t have it in him to carry this team to eleven more wins.
Not trading Devers to the Padres unless Orsillo is in the package.
Show Maple Leaf Square!
If I were on trial I’d probably just call in sick until they give up.
Flagg’s parents are very anti-Zionist and with Miriam Adelson owning the Mavericks expect some litigation and fireworks to get his signature on a contract w the Mavericks. This is not a done deal by any stretch.
You know who belongs in the Hall of Fame? Luis Tiant.
On May 11, 1888, a baby boy named Israel Beilin was born in Tyumen, Russian Empire. His family emigrated here in 1893 and his songs would make America a better place. You and I know him as Irving Berlin.
Al Horford has great foul-protesting eyebrows.
What are the duties of Miss Maine? Does she get to ceremonially shutter paper mills?
Cakes are cooking for Tony Pérez, Francesca Annis, George Lucas, Al Ciner, Walter Olkewicz, Season Hubley, David Byrne, Robert Zemeckis, Tom Cochrane, Alain Vigneault, Tim Roth, C.C. DeVille, Ian Astbury, Pat Borders, Fab Morvan, Pooh Richardson, Raphael Saadiq, Cate Blanchett, Danny Wood, Sofia Coppola, Shanice, Amber Tamblyn, Mark Zuckerberg, Robert Gronkowski, and Kristina Mladenovic.
I don’t know who Mo Khan is but he looks like he’s depriving the Heat of a perfectly hateable role player off the bench.
Cena’s gonna slap the ref and get DQed isn’t he?
If you want me to be an adult about the Tatum injury, you have to stop tweeting about WWE and Marvel movies.
Lynn Ferry Update: The Lynn Ferry will resume its normal schedule tomorrow, May 15, at the start of service.
You can’t say “folks” when you have seven followers.
I’ve been a toilet-owner for decades and there are still few things that cause a momentary spike in blood pressure like flushing a toilet and watching the water level proceed to rise.
Nick Wright’s mom always has to tell him, ‘stop arguing with me, you’re too smart.’
Losing to a shitty Knicks team was the impetus for Ainge making the tear-down trade that got them Tatum and Brown.
Hey gang of persons of interest! This week’s Phrase that Pays is, “He’s just asking for bleach soap.”
Tommy Heinsohn always thought T.J. McConnell was underrated and should be getting more minutes on whatever team he was on. Ish Smith was also in that category for Tommy.
Mazzulla needs the chess master to teach him how to tank.
It’s weird that the media collectively decided it’s ok to call Jordon a whore and a floozy. If we are done supporting women in sports, let’s bounce Doris, ASAP. Also, “she’s unqualified!” For what? Are there 8 years of schooling for personal assistants I’m unaware of?
You ever throw on some Gregory Alan Isakov and stare at the trees? Is that just me?
The trope that good teams win the one-run games is, of course, the exact opposite of what the data shows to be true. Good teams have a better winning percentage in 2-run games than 1-run games, better in 3-run margin games than 2-run games, etc.
Luckily the Dubs got Playoff Jimmy so that if something were to happen to Curry the whole thing wouldn’t immediately go tits up.
Heavily agree with OB here. No better smell on this planet than fresh mulch.
That pop for LA Knight tho. #WWEBacklash
The damage done to society by pretending broads are funny is immeasurable.
Pete Rose will now be eligible for Hall of Fame consideration. Never forget that while Pete Rose may have loved baseball more than anyone on earth, he loved gambling more.
There’s a city in my mind
Come along and take that ride
And it’s alright, baby, it’s alright
And it’s very far away
But it’s growing day by day
And it’s alright, baby, it’s alright
And would you like to come along?
You could help me sing this song
And it’s alright, baby, it’s alright
They can tell you what to do
But they’ll make a fool of you
And it’s alright, baby, it’s alright
We’re on a road to nowhere (hey)
We’re on a road to nowhere (hey)
We’re on a road to nowhere (hey-hey)
Not really looking forward to the next Celtics City episode featuring the Jordan Walsh Era.
The older you get, the more you begin to talk about the first job you got out of college like you’re Quint from Jaws.
The Athletic sending Buckley to cover Miss Maine feels like an HR violation.
Honk if you remember Skylab.
Should I bring a bottle of white wine, or red to the NFL schedule release party?
OG Anunoby 3-pointer in the first minute was later removed during a break when replay showed it was released after the 24-second clock drained. … Usually you only see points come off the board in Jeopardy.
The new Pope should go on Hot Ones.
I believe the NBA believes they have a draft lottery.
Teams in two-team cities should trade parks once a year just for kicks. White Sox play a series in Wiggley, Mets play a series in Janqui, Dodgers play a series in Anaheim. Giants not required to trek to Sacramento.
A sense of joy is the best way to approach every day. Tatum on pointe.
I heard Yoshida is at the point in his rehab where he is not ‘actively frightened’ by being in the same room with a baseball.
Best bet for the weekend: college commencement ceremonies. Wear sunscreen.
Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Bill James, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. Blue skies smiling at me. Nothing but blue skies do I see.
If I were the Celtics I simply wouldn’t have missed 45 out of 60 of my 3-point shots.
Popular player with the additional benefit of recency bias wins popularity contest. Oh noes! Congratulations Julian.
Why do I love small ball so much?
Unfortunately because of my knee injury I sustained at the end of the season I wasn’t be able to attend the Met Gala in NY last night as so many people have been asking and congratulating me on! Hate to miss an historical event! My beautiful powerful Queen was there holding the castle down as she always has done!
May the Fourth only Star Wars Day if you have a lisp.
Interacting with me on this app is like dumping a packet of pop rocks in your mouth and then taking a swig of sprite and shaking your face around. I wouldn’t have it any other way. True story tho.
Get well soon Triston.
Celts and Knicks have only had two playoff series since 1990. Damn.
St Louis got the Jim Montgomery Experience.
Cakes are cooking for Christy Moore, Bill Danoff, Randall ‘Tex’ Cobb, Amy Heckerling, Phil “Wizzö” Campbell, Ronnie Harmon, Chris O’Connor, Eagle Eye Cherry, Katerina Maleeva, Breckin Meyer, Matt Helders, and Cameron Young.
I don’t think Ben Volin knows what a liquidation sale is.
May 7, 1925: Pittsburgh Pirates shortstop Glenn Wright records a rare unassisted triple play. Against St. Louis in the 9th inning he catches a liner hit by Jim Bottomley, steps on second base to retire Jimmy Cooney and tags out Rogers Hornsby. Still, the Cardinals win, 10-9.
I like how religious Jerry Thornton is after years of celebrating 13-year-old boys fucking their teachers.
Hey gang of hall monitors! Thsis week’s Phrase that Pays is, “With all due respect you look like you just woke up on a hospital floor.”
I hope the Lakers waited for the Clippers at LAX for the trip to Cancun.
How come I never see the Mets at the Met Gala?
Same old Red Sox that we have seen for four years, isn’t it? Play well for a week, give away games the next, injuries at key spots, players playing positions they’re really not good at, middle relief is as reliable as Motel 6 air conditioning.
Just had a beer in the Cask with Justin Topa’s dad.
The Bill Russell Bridge (aka the new ‘Close the fuckin’ bridge!’ Bridge) and Boston Harbor are awash in green (the Harbor’s color about 35-40 years ago).
Sometimes a morning shower really hits perfectly.
Orange Line Reminder: Beginning at 8:30 PM Friday, May 9, through end of service Sunday, May 18. Shuttle Buses replace service between Oak Grove and North Station due to MassDOT bridge work.
How many goddamn slaves you need for a camel race?
I shouldn’t confuse Lily-Rose Depp and Millie Bobby Brown. But I do.
So I just learned that there’s a Wahlburgers about 5 miles away. I love a good burger, but not with a ton of crap on it. Meat, cheese, mustard, bread. Maybe some bacon. Not paying for crap I don’t want to eat.
Go on and close the curtains
‘Cause all we need is candlelight
You and me, and a bottle of wine
To hold you tonight (oh, yeah)
Well, we know I’m going away
And how I wish, I wish it weren’t so
So take this wine and drink with me
And let’s delay our misery:
Save tonight, and fight the break of dawn
Come tomorrow, tomorrow I’ll be gone.
Save tonight, and fight the break of dawn
Come tomorrow, tomorrow I’ll be gone.
I got a dwi one Halloween dressed as Hulk Hogan. Couldn’t even get Jimmy Hart on the phone. Someone threw an apple at my head.
Honk if you remember Shelley Long.
It’s got to kill the media to finally get rid of Belichick but then have to deal with Joe.
Hey Dart Adams: What were the circumstances surrounding John Amos leaving Good Times? $ or creative differences?
Mammoth? Like the rock band named after the rock band?
I can’t hear C.F. McCarthy’s without thinking of Tipsy McStaggers.
There’s still time to fire Kerr and replace him with Jim Park.
Maybe Will Campbell knew he was getting drafted by the New England Patriots and that’s why he wore green. He knew it was his last night to wear New York Jets colors.
Stop skippping The Preakness, Kentucky Derby winning horse owner guys, sultans, & conglomerates!
The Revs: owning?
Best bet for the weekend: earnest but hopeless attempts to serve mom breakfast in bed.
Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Joe Giza, Bill James, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. Victory!
Nobody picks worse acquaintances than Bill Belichick. Except maybe Ahmad Rashad.
If your lawyer wears a Hanes beefy tee you going to prison.
Have a goddamn series, Boldy! Wowza.
A solo homer when the score is 12-5 cuts the lead in half!
I love listening to Will Campbell talk.
Dummy Scal at halftime said the Celtics aren’t suddenly gonna hit a bunch of threes.
Cakes are cooking for Carl XVI Gustaf, Perry King, Phil Garner, Jane Campion, Lars von Trier, Paul Gross, Stephen Harper, Isiah Thomas, Michael Waltrip, Adrien Pasdar, J.R. Richards, Elliott Sadler, Johnny Galecki, Kunal Nayyar, Kirsten Dunst, Lloyd Banks, Gal Gadot, Ana de Armas, and Travis Scott.
How fucking funny were the Jerky Boys the first time you heard them (likely on a cassette tape)?
Sox win, and we’re having cacio e pepe for dinner. That is a perfect Sunday.
Red Line Ashmont Branch Reminder: Through end of service today, April 30. Shuttle Buses are replacing service between JFK/UMass and Ashmont.
So many smoked bunnies. Don’t you think?
I was today years old when I found out the Philadelphia Eagles logo faces left so it can form a hidden E on the right.
Celtics should’ve added Zadorov to the roster for Game 4.
Hey gang of hardball enthusiasts! This week’s Phrase that Pays is, “Her dad forgot to oil her, tie her up and leave her under the mattress. Now her pocket’s all loose and dry.”
Going to see Sinners later. Pretty fired up for it. Great word of mouth.
People are upset spent more time on the dynastic teams of his childhood than the most recent championship team. Very shocking stuff. Celtics twitter is one of the worst places on earth
Egregious typographical error? That’s just part of #owning.
The Sandwich Is Good … The Sandwich Is Bussin.
Maybe it’s just me, but I would like to see Campbell take a step or two up the brick-shithouse scale. He looks a little pudgy to me. Maybe because he’s just a kid …
Say maybe more.
Larry the Globe Pitchbot breaks character more often than Jimmy Fallon.
I was one of 14K+ at Fenway 39 years ago last night.
Get well soon Dame.
Susan Tedeschi is basically Bonnie Raitt 2.0, right?
Nailing hookers is alpha. Streamlines your day so you can get back to doing your elite football game planning quicker without all the nagging. Can’t date and share passwords with them, though. Big fumble, there.
The Dillon Gabriel pick makes fuck all sense now.
Must’ve been mid afternoon
I could tell by how far the child’s shadow stretched out and
He walked with a purpose
In his sneakers, down the street
He had many questions
Like children often do
He said:
Tell me all your thoughts on God
Tell me am I very far
Sorry Spam callers, I rarely answer any phone calls that doesn’t come from someone in my contacts.
Skunk cabbage!
You know who’d love a photo of a cemetery? Maria Stephanos.
It’s Daniel Whitley, not David Whitley.
Shedeur already high-hosied the chair with armrests in the Cleveland quarterback room.
Honk if you remember Father Guido Sarducci.
Um, you guys, if Jordon was a ‘tute Bob Hohler would have found out by now.
Quinten Post looks like a guy who is addicted to Mountain Dew.
I thought that was a great catch by Varsho.
Really interested in the comeback of the term “slurve”. In the 70s and early 80s there were dozens/ pitchers who threw slurves, but beginning in the mid-80s the half-and-half pitch began to acquire a BAAD reputation.
At least Giannis can go help fight the gorilla now.
Best bet for the weekend: fade the Mutnansky horses.
Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Bill James, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. No more 2025 mock drafts?
One thing you don’t wanna do is FAFO with the Celtics girlies.
Has Pedro Pascal’s schedule been too busy to do a Rosie Ruiz film?
“Griffin Canning” sounds like a mortgage-free Western Mass charity drive.
Episode 7, Reggie Lewis. Man.
Irons is just jealous because I have two scoops of raisins.
The TNA Champion getting a WrestleMania match? Unreal. The night gets even better.
One more mock draft and I’m throwing up in my mouth…..
At least the Celtics didn’t also list Tatum on the injury report for his emotional problems.
Cakes are cooking for Lee Majors, Blair Brown, Joyce DeWitt, Terry Moor, Judy Davis, Valerie Bertinelli, George Lopez, Magnús Ver Magnússon, Donna Weinbrecht, Melina Kanakaredes, Stan Frazier, Rachel Hetherington, Patrick Poulin, Sam Madison, Andruw Jones, John Cena, Jaime King, Joanna Krupa, Jessica Stam, Nicole Vaidišová, Gigi Hadad, Jake Kiszka, Josh Kiszka, and Chloe Kim.
Moxie is trans root beer. Tastes like a tree.
My comic book “Reasonable Doubt – In the Karen Read Case” is now available on Amazon. Dive into the details THEY don’t want you to see!
Laughter is the best medicine…except for Kratom.
I don’t know why everyone cares about RFK Jr’s thoughts on autism. That guy is retarded!
Five straight playoff losses for Linus Ullmark.
I question anyone that moves to Kentucky on purpose.
Only a sucker would have bet against the New England Revolution on the 250th Anniversary of Lexington and Concord.
Showers with your SO really are the best.
Hey gang of slumping underachievers! This week’s Phrase that Pays is, “Look at me! I’m irritating old people!”
The tanning dye on Lucy’s hands is egregious.
Were there still dinosaur sportswriters bemoaning the 24 second shot clock ‘gimmick’ forty-five years after it was introduced?
I only leave the house when required.
My promise for Easter I will Never get on a Boeing 737 Plane.
It makes me sad a lot of ‘yall ‘will never know ab watermelon season in Arkansas.
I saw a pic of Kate Peter and she’s kinda hot.
Boston Celtics fans should be wearing green IMO. The NBA franchise I most associate with black attire is probably the Orlando Magic.
How come none of you MFers never told me how bomb sourdough bread is?
Sal, Your the Leader of the Band. Thank you.
The greatest trick the Devil ever pulled was convincing the world Dart Adams exists.
Is Jamal Webster serious with these questions?
Nelson Cruz has one of the most unusual career shapes of all time. He was literally five or six years late getting a foothold, for a player or that quality. Then he was short of the Hall of Fame, but not all that much short. Hit 464 homers, and wasn’t a bad right fielder.
What are they gonna do, melt down and tell me I’m worthless? My wife already does that.
Have to be believe KPerk needs help buttoning his shirt.
The only thing more pathetic than the Dondy/Ty holiday pairing is listening to them and trying to engage the show via Twitter.
The American Four of the Original Six should have a charity golf scramble.
I’m going back someday
Come what may, to Blue Bayou.
Where you sleep all day and the catfish play
On Blue Bayou.
All those fishin’ boats with their sails afloat
If I could only see.
That familiar sunrise through sleepy eyes
How happy I’d be.
Fun Fact: The slam dunk was invented by star player Curly “Heebie” Kikelberg, who helped lead CCNY to both the NCAA and NIT championships in 1950. He would later throw himself off the Brooklyn Bridge after being implicated in a point-shaving scandal.
The College of Cardinals has won zero SEC Championships.
I’m glad Yaz’s grandson has had himself a decent MLB career. Just makes me smile.
Alice Cook; you still got it, kid.
Honk if you remember Rhéal Cormier.
Peter Schrager makes Chris Gasper look like Warren Beatty.
Andy Lugo, now he can flip a bat.
The amount of talent Nico Harrison has dumped is insane.
Why don’t they make the whole Red Sox bullpen out of hot-headed Cubans?
PK Subban should change his name to PK Acho.
People are frecklier than you expect when meeting them in person.
Best bet for the weekend: Green Line: Shuttle Buses replace service between Government Center and Medford/Tufts for maintenance work. Union Square riders can use Bus Routes 109, 87, or 91 to connect to shuttles or the Orange Line.
Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Bill James, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. Can we have class outside today?
You know shit’s bad when Cora takes the blame.
It’s sad Don Hasselbeck won’t rest in peace seeing as he played for the Patriots before Parcells arrived and brought respectability to the franchise.
I thought I was buggin’. I was like wait, that’s DWhite??
Wait, the guy with like 10,000 tweets about Deuce Tatum turned out to be a creep? If only there were signs!
I am officially done doubting Paddy Pimblett, never again.
Shane Baz looks like a 55-year-old booze bag at a Jimmy Buffet concert.
I’m happy for Rory and whatever country he says he’s from today.
Cam in Taunton’s mom could steal 2nd on Blake Sabol.
Cakes are cooking for Jim Lonborg, Bob Montgomery, Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, Bill Belichick, Billy West, Ellen Barkin, Bruce Bochy, Anne Kursinski, David Pate, Ian MacKaye, Garry Galley, Dave Pirner, Jon Cryer, Martin Lawrence, Grace Kim, Steve Emtman, Natasha Zvereva, Peter Billingsley, Tracey K. Smith, Akon, Lukas Haas, Gina Carano, Luol Deng, Chance the Rapper, and Sadie Sink.
On this Netflix Red Sox show, MegO still has a job.
Green Line: Delays of about 10 minutes due to a signal problem near Copley.
Irons is just upset because he pays his bills.
I’m happy C.M Punk gets his WrestleMania main event. Much deserved. But I don’t know if I like it being a triple-threat. Why couldn’t Roman Reigns be Punk’s opponent and slot Rollins into the Jey/Gunther title match?
The Ten Commandments. ABC.
There’s a million bagel shops but why no places that specialize in rye toast?
My wife this morning used the term “high-falutin”, which used to be something you’d hear every day. Is falutin actually a word? Is it used in any other context, or does the only falutin have to be high falutin?
You can tell you’re in Barcelona by the amount of Dutch people working at the hotel.
Why is Dave O’Brien surprised that Rod Beck had a camper?
I feel like Upton Bell when I watch Lee Remick.
I wonder if Abby Chin’s husband even bothers (Vulgar Term Redacted). He’s just hungry again a half-hour later.
Hey gang of questionably sane aspiring Canadian post-graduates! This week’s Phrase that Pays is, “That is definitely the right Doctor specialty for me.”
All those quirky gayisms aren’t so cute when you suck.
I think I can prove Karen Read is innocent. There is a ‘magic bullet’ aspect to this case the defense is missing.
Boneless buffalo wings?? An aristocrat!
I believe our balls can be kept nice and clean without any rotary machinery!
Garrett Crochet reminds me of some other big lefty from the past, but I can’t quite say who. I’m talking about motion/delivery/release point. Somebody else who was good threw like that, but I can’t quite get there. Anybody?
I liked Jason Statham in ‘Agent of the Commonwealth.’
I can’t believe someone with all those vowels in their last name would miss the point so badly.
Honk if you remember Bill Rodgers.
My source for all things Flau’jae Johnson is obviously Owen Pence.
What is the hiring process like at Barstool? It’s a bunch of guys nicknamed Duggs who all weigh 900 pounds.
Put me out of my misery
I’d do it for you, would you do it for me
We will always be busy making misery
We could build a factory and make misery
We’ll create the cure; we made the disease
Frustrated Incorporated
Frustrated Incorporated.
The Accountant is insane. Affleck trying to act like an autistic weirdo who’s really good at both Rain Man-like forensic accounting and shooting people in the head.
Dale Arnold has to stand there like a cuck and watch Sophia do his job.
As they say in Sometimes a Great Notion, never give an inch.
My favorite thing about the Chat GPT action figures is when fat women make one in their own likeness and say, “Why do I look so fat?”
I got a skanky spam email. Don’t open any attachments from me.
Asbestos is a carcinogen? That’s a myth from big fiberglass.
Does anyone know if this is the first time that all four American-based Original Six teams have missed the playoffs?
I saw Pasta’s goal in the elevator. I’ve never experienced that before.
Steve Buckley writes an ‘Adam Viniatieri belongs in the Pats HOF’ article, and of course a Jim Lonborg story breaks out.
These Rays/Sox games at Steinbrenner Field feels like a Cape Cod League game.
Pluto, Fubo; it’s all the same thing.
Cameron Tabatabaie joins an illustrious history of Boston sports twitter sex perverts. We haven’t seen one this nasty since the likes of Craig Teed.
Best bet for the weekend: the bestest Easter dinner ever.
Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Bill James, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. Smack that, oh-oh-oh-oh-oh.
Sox fans. Feeling a little better now? It’s a long season, in case nobody ever told you.
Has any other adult ever tried one of those Squishmallows blankets? They’re ridiculously cozy!
Val Kilmer’s death didn’t feel real. But then I saw Rear Admiral’s obit on Barstool…
Even when the racially confusing broad isn’t on the NESN broadcast O’Brien and Merloni make me feel like they’re pitching me timeshares.
What a demeaning existence. Gresh would’ve been guarding the king’s drawbridge 500 years ago, but now he’s stuck discussing Geno Auriemma’s legacy on something called “InfSportsNet” at 1am.
Rafael Devers runs like Charles Durning in When a Stranger Calls.
And now it’s Houston that can’t buy a basket in the waning moments. Congratulations Florida.
I don’t trust grunting pitchers.
Cakes are cooking for Dennis Quaid, Kirk McCaskill, Cynthia Nixon, Graeme Lloyd, Jacques Villeneuve, Gerard Way, Clare Bronfman, Keshia Knight Pulliam, Yoanna House, Milan Bartovič, Adam Loewen, Leighton Meester, Kristen Stewart, Elle Fanning, Lil Nas X, and Brooke Raboutou.
Bad news for my enemies, I woke up.
Whoever let Eduardo Perez get into broadcasting is a monster.
Isn’t Oblivio a Spider-Man villain?
Red Line Reminder: April 10-30 Service between JFK/UMass & Ashmont will operate with a shuttle train on each track. A shuttle train is one train, operating back & forth, between Ashmont & JFK/UMass on a single track. Riders on the Ashmont Branch should expect longer wait times for trains during this work. Please transfer to the Braintree platform at JFK/UMass for continued service towards Alewife.
Am I the only one who thinks Kelvin Sampson looks like OJ Simpson? Noticed the other day and can’t unsee it.
The Denver Nuggets should hire Mina Kimes. She’s so smart.
‘Fraser Minten’ was my favorite flavor of Frusen Glädjé when I was a kid.
Nice tribute to Luis Tiant above the Monster, similar to the ones for Tim Wakefield and Larry Lucchino last year. Hopefully the Sox won’t need to put one up next season.
“Hey gang of landlubbers! This week’s Phrase that Pays is, “So my ex-girlfriend has joined the Navy and wants to see me before she leaves for Bootcamp.”
He’s gonna cross the sauces so hard tonight.
Wait, so Duran tried to kill himself because a law librarian bullied him?
Unless these MIT dorks invent a torpedo arm to help the Yankees pitchers throw the ball past people, this team isn’t going anywhere.
Okay, so the Russian beat the Canadian’s counting stat NHL total. Big deal.
“Ringing in the dough”? Is that a phrase?
Jay Williams who hasn’t wrecked his bike in like 20 years using “panic and miraculous” as his “one word to describe the Houston/Duke game” is peak ESPN.
‘Back to the Future’ but it’s Marty singing Jelly Roll at the school dance, and the entire crowd beats him to death.
Bruce Pearl is a slob.
When teams give extensions, they’re not just paying the player, they’re paying the person. Kristian Campbell is not the kind of guy that’s gonna be changed by money. He wants to learn and he wants to be great. Wholesomeness level at 100 just a great dude who worked to earn this.
Congrats to Marisa Ingemi, US Basketball Writers Association 2025 Rising Star.
Do you like PEEPS? I love PEEPS
The pretty ones who have no discernible talent but also don’t want to show their cooch are in a tough spot.
Another suburban family morning
Grandmother screaming at the wall
We have to shout above the din of our Rice Krispies
We can’t hear anything at all.
Mother chants her litany of boredom and frustration.
But we know all her suicides are fake.
Daddy only stares into the distance.
There’s only so much more that he can take.
Many miles away
Something crawls from the slime
At the bottom of a dark
Scottish lake.
I was asked today about my NBA comp for Cooper Flagg. I went with Scottie Pippen. I believe it’s a compliment to both, and also accurate. Obviously no comp is ever 100% on the money. But I will say, comparing Flagg to only white players seems lazy and uninformed.
Carl Yastrzemski is the bizarro Bobby Orr.
The World Egg throwing Championship will take place in June in Swaton England. Assuming the competitors can afford the eggs.
Gary Gaetti and Tim Wallach are kind of the same player, aren’t they?
This is a super old guy take, but one of the things I like best about the tournament as opposed to every NBA game is that there’s nothing being played over the PA system while the game is being played. Everything’s about the game. The constant barrage of sound stinks.
We will use the dire wolves to hunt the de-extinct wooly mammoths.
So it’s just now registering that Wally the Green Monster’s name is “Wally” because of the wall. Is this a revelation for anyone else? Clarifying that I understood the green monster part. The “Wally” for the wall part? Right over my head.
Fun fact: cookies and seafood are different.
If your favorite outfielder isn’t Wily Mo Peña, are you really a fan?
Honk if you remember Fernandomania.
A lotta kids shredded their rotator cuff because of that Canobie Lake Park radar gun.
Whose wife did Mike Malone bang?
RIP Octavio Dotel. I’m going to have to stop using the phrase, ‘as safe as a Dominican nightclub’ now.
So down to The Masters, how’s Tiger hittin’ em?
We unfroze our Yaz bread after the 2004 World Series. It smelled like cigarettes.
Best bet for the weekend: more much needed rain.
Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Bill James, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. Aja, when all my dime dancin’ is through, I run to you.
Tony Massarotti. A two-time Consolation Match winner, his terribleness finally shone through when it counted. And his broadcast partner Michael Felger? Not a winner. Fact: not opinion. Sorrey! Thanks to the Collaborative, the Selection Committee, and especially all the voters. See you soon!
The 15 