The 15

News Item: Dianna Russini resigns. But don’t worry, I’m sure she will land on her knees.

Another 100-point season for the Good Kid?

Media people beat their chests all the time about their importance and their standards, but not so fun actually having to be held to them.

Friends drive two hours to hold hands. Let’s move on.

So were fans telling Jarren Duran to kill himself a few years ago when he was regularly freaking out at them well before the very believable suicide story was even aired?

It’s another victory for Belichick and total disdain for all media.

Getting fired the same month you found out you were elected to the hall of fame as a coach is the most Doc Rivers thing ever.

Dickie V is more cancer than man at this point.

Damar Hamlin’s clone should have put the green jacket on Rory.

Cakes are coking for Marty Wilde, Dave Edmunds, Ted Sizemore, DeDe Lind, Linda Bloodworth-Thomason, Emma Thompson, Kevin Lowe, Thomas F. Wilson, Lynne Austin, Kevin Stevens, Linda Perry, Samantha Fox, Dara Torres, Ed O’Brien, Stacey Williams, Phillippi Sparks, Andy Daly, Vickie Johnson, Sergei Krivokrasov, Chris Stapleton, Patrick Carney, Seth Rogen, Margo Price, Antonio Cromartie, Emma Watson, Maisie Williams, Sexyy Red, and Jordon Chiles.

Vrabel will now have to interlock fingers with Karen Guregian the next time he sees her.

Your nickname including ‘Big’ when you work for Barstool doesn’t seem to be a useful differentiator.

Bruins fandom is just ruined by a bunch of fucking losers who think it’s a damn TV show. They’d rather watch Behind the B than pay attention to the actual fucking game.

Hey gang, this week’s Phrase that Pays is, “We’re in the WNBA free agent blender, folks.”

Imagine being those editors at The Athletic tasked with the investigation? For the first time ever, you actually want to see some cvnty broad from work’s group photos from vacation with her girlfriends.

Imagine how good Garza would be if he had Scheierman’s haircut

Shameless mumbling company man Lou is wildly overestimating the reservoir of goodwill he built up being Nomar’s butler.

Knicks play a very entitled game for a team that has won jack shit. and Towns is 7’2″ 325 lbs and also somehow the softest player in the league.

Just wait until someone reads the news to Ted Johnson!

Blue Line: Delays of about 15 minutes while a maintenance train inspects the overhead wires between Airport and Wonderland. Trains may stand by at stations.

So there’s now an opening at Barstool for a 500 pound fake gambling expert? we know one who needs a gig!

Russini has burn victim lips.

The WNBA super max being $1.4 million is objectively hilarious. I remember when McHale wanted a million dollars and on the top of the Globe Sunday sports page Larry Johnson drew a picture of him as a pig eating a trough full of money.

Whether its to Nairobi or Nineveh or Nashua, the yen to travel exists in all of us.

Forsberg now has a mullet?

It’s really sad, but this whole unseemly affair makes me skeptical of the true motives of the women in thigh-high boots who interview the tall athletes on TV. I think I’m gonna have to call out of work to regroup here.

Jeff Passan’s face is unsettling. He looks like if Cillian Murphy got stung by bees.

Anyone ever heard of Whitey Ford?

There are Jawas who have less bot engagement than Bob Ryan.

Bobby Manning talks like he mainlines Thorazine.

I keep seeing these brutally embarrassing Russini clips and one question comes to mind: did she ever actually report anything?

Bring back the blue Red Sox road alternates.

Buckle up, the playoffs means it’s peak performative szn.

It’s so seamless switching between the Amazon Prime app and the NESN 360 app!

When I’m sitting on the basement toilet, why does my wife always have to come downstairs and “do something” — every single time?

This Vrabel story unfortunately overshadowed the Red Sox’ first series win of the season.

If you didn’t like Justin Bieber’s Coachella set, just say you simply don’t get it. It was an intimate masterpiece that could only work for 1% of musicians (if that). Bravo, Justin Bieber and welcome back Kidrauhl.

I haven’t seen an Italian get cooked like this since Sacco & Vanzetti.

Will Smith thinks Dianna’s husband is too deeply into the cuckold lifestyle.

Cancer is clearly mad at Dick Vitale for all that fundraising.

the omnipresent Rich Hill going to end up in the Red Sox bullpen in late August.

Airports reveal character. And it’s always someone in an Eagles shirt.

And so I cry sometimes when I’m lying in bed
Just to get it all out, what’s in my head
And I, I am feeling a little peculiar
And so, I wake in the morning and I step outside
And I take a deep breath and I get real high
And I scream from the top of my lungs, “What’s going on?”

And I say, hey-ey-ey, hey-ey-ey
I said, “Hey, a-what’s going on?”
And I say, hey-ey-ey, hey-ey-ey
I said, “Hey, a-what’s going on?”

Poor Di Russini loses her job while Peter Schrager proudly wears knee pads over his dress pants to orally service any member of the McVay coaching tree.

Honk if you remember Post Offices being open until midnight on Tax Deadline Day.

If my daughter tells me she wants to “work in sports,” I’m trebucheting her to a convent.

BJBSJ getting Kacsmar canceled saved him from going down with the Football Outsiders ship eleven years later! You’re welcome.

Can’t wait to see the team chemistry when Fudd and Bueckers break up.

I always keep my bottle of Frank’s Red Hot next to the DayQuil.

Bruins 7th Player Award-Minten is fine, I guess, but how is it not Aspirot?

I don’t think you can canoodle innocently.

Shams Charania is fucking Cathy Engelbert. Everybody know it and nobody says anything about it.

I aspire to have the job security of Aaron Boone and Alex Cora.

Best bet for the weekend: Marathon prep.

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, @PatriotsDaily, Joe Giza, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. Standard deduction.