The 15

Well. at least Jim Irsay died doing what he loved! Drugs.

For years I thought KAT’s last name was Anthony-Towns, not that his first name was Karl-Anthony.

Do you think Jim Rice is confused by people constantly asking if he’s having a stroke?

Marcelo Mayer will wear No. 39 in his MLB debut. Fitting, since he was the Red Sox’s highest draft pick (4th) since they selected Mike Garman in 1967, and he also ended up wearing 39.

Per his wishes, Mr. Irsay’s ashes will be snorted by Barstool’s Rear Admiral.

I said last year I wasn’t gonna gamble on Monaco again and I really should have kept my word.

NFL players and boat parties. What could go wrong?

Sunrise, Florida is Hockeytown now, I guess.

Cakes are cooking for Rebbie Jackson, Ron Levy, Danny Elfman, Larry Blackmon, LaToya jackson, Annette Bening, Mel Gaynor, Rupert Everett, Adrian Paul, David Palmer, Melissa Etheridge, Eric Davis, Lisa Whelchel, Ukyo Katayama, Noel Gallagher, Melanie Brown, David Buckner, Jerry Hairston Jr., Carmelo Anthony, Riley Keough, Kristin Alderton, Richard Carapaz, and Markelle Fultz.

When Jerry Thornton gets sued into oblivion by Jen McCabe, is he going to tell her lawyers to “Take my wife—please”?

Great experience with @SeatGeek today. Just awesome people to deal with. Definitely a great place to buy tickets.

You think they will pump extra crowd noise into the Irsay memorial service?

Orange Line Reminder: May 30 – June 1 No Train service between Forest Hills and North Station due to signal work. Use Shuttle buses between Forest Hills and Back Bay. Use the Green Line between Copley and North Station.

John Fetterman is widely known to be severely depressed and suicidal. He should step down and Jonathan Bowen should take his place.

Hey gang of Somervillians! This week’s Phrase that Pays is, “I hear Pound House has a soft opening.”

Think there’s ever been a catcher that’s had to sneeze right as the pitcher delivers the pitch?

That better not be Red Dye#3 in your pink cocaine!

Thank you to the Boston gang members for staging a Memorial Day brawl on the beach today. Nice touch.

Rob Refsnyder and Connor Wong should swap names.

I am so sorry. Not to be all yeehaw, but it’s a national anthem. Why are we making it a ballad?

Never trust a woman who looks like Marty Schottenheimer.

Honk if you remember White Hen Pantry.

If Coach Thibs isn’t going to accept reality and shave off that stranded tuft of hair he should comb it straight forward.

My life is OVER!!! (Dunkin got rid of the raspberry watermelon refresher)

How long did it take John Streicher to get the nickname “stretch”? Over/under has to be 45 seconds, right?

You were made for me (You were made for me)
Everybody tells me so
You were made for me (You were made for me)
Don’t pretend that you don’t know

All the trees were made for little things that sing and fly
And the sun was made to burn so bright and light the sky
Pretty eyes were never made to cry, they were made to see
When I held you in my arms I knew that you were made for me.

Modern research tools are absolutely fantastic, and the researchers who are good at using them–which I am not–are fantastic. Just for the halibut I asked my computer where Richie Ashburn went to high school. Took it about 3 seconds, but it responded with where AND when.

Commercials featuring doorbells are terrorism.

Organized. Team. Activities.

So happy for John and Linda. They needed a win.

Michael Holley is still on the fucking radio?

Bill Simmons put on a generational last-thing-I-saw performance on his most recent podcast.

Red Sox need a shakeup. Three words: Manager Lou damn Merloni.

Get well soon CC.

Best bet for the weekend: novelty street signage being quietly taken down across Manhattan.

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Bill James, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. Quiet time for sports locally.