The 15

I hope everyone on the newly minted Patriots 53-man roster creates some SMART goals so we can track their progress during the season.

Hit that shtick-pilfering hussy with your wallet, Lucy!

Is it me, or was there less local media celebrating going on after Cutdown Day arrived so soon after WEEI axed Fauria and Gresh?

I don’t think the Red Sox are gonna make the playoffs.

Well, at least we can continue to read all of Meghan Ottolini’s columns!

I think Dave O’Brien just said ‘excape.’

Who confuses Hanson and Chumbawumba?

Welcome back, teachers.

Cakes are cooking for Lou Piniella, Ron Guidry, Daniel Stern, Rick Rossovich, Scott Hamilton, Emma Samms, Jennifer Coolidge, Rick Fehr, Lee Janzen, Satoshi Tajiri, Tom Fitzgerald, Jack Black, Pierre Turgeon, Janet Evans, Todd Eldredge, Jay Witasick, LeAnn Rimes, Armie Hammer, Florence Welch, and Ons Jabeur.

So, the Sox clam broadcast the other night? Perfect timing as the team was gushing blood everywhere.

Orange Line Reminder: Between 10 AM and 2 PM all Orange Line service between Forest Hills and Jackson Square will operate on the Oak Grove (Northbound) track. Riders should expect delays between 9 AM and 4 PM as personnel conduct this single track operation.

Hey gang of dubious eventual sexagenarians! This week’s Phrase that Pays is, “It’s not that complicated to figure out.”

Joe Milton III could have played on those 2014-2015 Royals teams where everyone threw 101.

“Suck on” violations aren’t a thing.

Most, if not all, aspiring rappers never achieve the complete life turnaround. Kudos to Chyna Whyte, or whoever.

Any of them starting left tackles get waived yet? Not yet? How about now?

Gresh has a very interesting quirk in his contract. Instead of the standard non-compete, they gave him a ‘please sign with the competitor’ clause.

Wanamatonomy was the hardest class I took in college, much more difficult than Neuroanatomy.

Bots write SI articles. You’re thanking a computer, Donny O!

Liking werewolf tweets isn’t a funny troll anymore. It’s providing Aid and Comfort to the Enemy.

Incredible but true! Ted Williams never once in his entire career had a timer violation called against him.

Best job in the industry is the guy who does all the imaging for the new shows that WEEI throws out there. Guaranteed jackpot of work every few months.

Introduce me to that big blonde.
She’s got a touch of Tuesday Weld.
She’s wearing Ambush and a French twist;
She’s got us wild and she can tell.
She loves to limbo, that much is clear;
She’s got the right dynamic for the new frontier.

Wait Cheryl Hines is married to RFK Jr.? How did I miss this?

Roster cutdown reminder number 7 – Players on the team 4PM September 3rd get paid for Week 1. Making the initial roster on August 27th does not mean the player will get paid for Week 1.

Lou Damn Merloni fucking tries to retcon himself onto the ‘04 team.

Sid Vicious the wrestler won’t be down. Sid Vicious from the Sex Pistols? Also still dead. Wrestling Sid staying in character during the Shockmaster’s debut may be one of wrestling’s greatest achievements. RIP.

Angel Reese and Shaquille O’Neal. Like equals!

They discontinued my TGel? Just because of some alleged dioxins?

So the one thing I do miss about pre-parenthood life is going to dinner by myself Finding a well-researched Wikipedia article and just diving in while waiting for and consuming my food. Great times in the back booth reading about Stalingrad, or Dan Sickles.

Jarren Duran now has 42 doubles, 13 triples, 20 HR and 32 stolen bases. No other player in the history of baseball has done all of those things in one season.

Taxachusetts! Belichick: He’s just like one of us!

Next month marks one year since WWE signed Jade Cargill.

Honk if you remember Cla Meredith.

In the falls of justice, the only justice is in the falls. Sandy, can we get that on a magnet?

WEEI is paying Andy Hart in Lucky Charms.

Shouldn’t losing a baseball announcer be an error rather than a fumble?

Sign The Swayman!

World Health Organization reporting Zappe Fever has been eradicated.

Best bet for the weekend: the heaviest travel weekend yet.

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Bill James, Old Friends jforb and Lebron, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. Dog days are over.