Tag Archives: the15

9/18/24 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

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Not this year.

So there. For the 5th consecutive autumn, the Red Sox are not going to win the World Series.

Keith Smith; your time is now.

Jay Glazer dresses like a coke dealer in Munchkinland.

Sway my way, don’t come undone.

Congratulations Joe Castiglione on having an impact on Don Orsillo’s incredible career.

The player who seemingly concussed Tua Tagovailoa was Bills safety Damar Hamlin, who ironically died but was brought back to life on a football field two years ago.

Owen Pence is absolutely right. Why hasn’t the WNBA commissioner cured online racism yet?

Mike Reiss’ act was out of fear of Bill. That’s all.

Cakes are cooking for Scotty Bowman, Frankie Avalon, Alex Stepney, Otis Sistrunk, Ken Brett, Kerry Livgren, Darryl Sittler, Rick Pitino, Billy Sims, Peter Stastny, Ryne Sandberg, Martin Beedle, Ricky Bell, Toni Kukoč, Aisha Tyler, Jada Pinkett Smith, Lance Armstrong, Xzibit, Jason Sudeikis, Ronaldo, Alison Lohman, and Annette Obrestad.

Boston Globe Pitchbot makes Civil War Andrew Luck look like Richard Pryor.

Was Assistant Wide Receivers Coach Tiquan Underwood okay with waiving practice squadder Jalen Reagor?

OTOH, Wojnarowski was a sketchy, sniveling horse trader. Good riddance.

Hey gang, this week’s Phrase that Pays is, “At least be good looking if you are going to be so awful.”

Paying $13.50 for terrible sports-writing is what TRUE masculinity looks like.

Have never been the biggest Dwight Howard fan, but you cannot deny how impressive he was tonight on “Dancing With The Stars.”

Orange Line Update: Delays of about 20 minutes due to a signal problem near Wellington. Trains may stand by at stations.

I think the Mike Reiss thing has to do with Patricia. He got really animated when they played a clip of Bill on Brady’s podcast claiming Patricia laid the foundation for the Lions o-line. That then led into Reiss’s need for an apology about the offense the past 2 seasons. These media slobs really hate Patricia. I think the fact that the scribes see Bill “bad mouthing” people now and they are desperate for him to turn on Patricia – which will never happen. It’s all sour grapes and bunched panties.

What I’m going to miss most about Woj is ruining draft picks by tweeting them 5 minutes before they announce them on TV.

Nice work, Team USA winning the Solheim Cup.

Is there a functional mechanism by which MLB could force the White Sox owner to sell the team?

Nothing says the end of summer like a $7 pint of blueberries.

Dive into the technology behind modern stand collar sweatshirts. Learn about advanced fabrics that offer moisture-wicking, breathability, and thermal insulation.

Sources: Patriots are ruling LB Oshane Ximines, OG Sidy Sow, OT Vederian Lowe, and LB Ja’Whaun Bentley OUT for TNF. They will not travel to East Rutherford for the Jets game. In addition, C David Andrews, OT Mike Onwenu, S Jabrill Peppers, and DE Deatrich Wise are being ruled QUESTIONABLE.

Wyc Grousbeck is the definition of what a team owner should be and how they should operate.

Mike McDaniel makes Deuce Tatum look like Bill Duke.

I may not be what the kids refer to as a, “gamer”. But I can still bear Super Mario World for SNES quickly without dying once. And I can beat Mike Tyson’s Punch Out for NES without being KO’d a single time. Take that, young dweebs.

So, Honeycomb, won’t you be my baby?
Well, Honeycomb, be my own.
Got a hank o’ hair and a piece of’ bone.
They made a walkin’, talkin’ Honeycomb.
Well, Honeycomb, won’t you be my baby?
Well, Honeycomb, be my own.
What a darn good life when you got a wife
Like Honeycomb.

There won’t be another Woj. The sports industry has adapted to his presence in mere hopes of making more like him, but he’s the GOAT.

Hockey is right around the corner. Sara Civian remains a free agent.

Chappell Roan tells The Face that she has tried the Hailey Bieber Erewhon smoothie.

Sugar Frosted Chocolate Bombs >>> “CoCoBombs”

Honk if you remember John Garabedian.

Mike McDaniel is gonna dress more and more like a Serbian gangster until this thing gets turned around.

The level of narcissism exhibited by Elle Duncan should require hospitalization.

With this release of Thompkins, it clear to me The Patriots are set to move on from Brady.

I’m putting glitter on a pumpkin. Sorry, loser.

The WNBA is headed back to Portland, with Oregon’s biggest city getting an expansion team that will begin play starting in 2026.

I say this every year, but the first few weeks of the NFL are always a dumpster fire. Ugh.

Best bet for the weekend: Don Sweeney dispatching scouts to the Orient to look into sumo wrestlers as a Plan C.

I’ll tell you what the only thing faster than ‘Mondre out there today were those fighter planes! Hahahaha did you see those? Wow. Anyway I want to be truthfully honest with you all right now. All 29 coaches and Robyn will be joining a Teams meeting at 9 AM sharp to discuss Jacoby. How does that man feel? A 27-step drop back and a 13 yard sack? The man needs to be lifted up. And we will be doing that. Anyway there are Crumbl cookies and Hoodsie cups in the back for you all! Much love.

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Bill James, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. It must have been something you said.

And Happy Birthday to British model and actress Keeley Hazell.

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9/11/24 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

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“You don’t leak to Van Natta about me; I leak to Van Natta about YOU!”

But did it feeeel like a win? Not so sure.

Tyreek Hill’s ongoing audition for a future season of ‘American Sports Story’ is going great.

You know it’s a big game when you hear the smooth sound of Noah Eagle.

I envy how comfortable Steve Perrault always looks.

The Hall could probably be persuaded to put Robert in if he’d end his rhetoric.

I can’t believe Clay Travis hired the Super 70’s Sports guy. Ok, I can.

People say there aren’t enough black baseball players anymore. They’re all on the TBS pregame show.

I’d like the captains patches more if they were the colors of the team. Why the same colors for all NFL teams? Patriots should be blue, red, silver, white…no yellow.

Is the Boston PWHL team named Fleet because of the building contractors?

Cakes are cooking for Brian DePalma, Lola Falana, Mickey Hart, Amy Madigan, Tommy Shaw, Jeff Sluman, Don Slaught, Scott Patterson, Robert Wren, Elizabeth Daily, Virginia Madsen, Kristy McNichol, Ellis Burks, Victor Wooten, Graeme Obree, Moby, Harry Connick, Jr, Maria Bartiromo, Taraji P. Henson, Mack Strong, Richard Ashcroft, Shelton Quarles, Jon Buckland, Ludacris, Ed Reed, Jacoby Ellsbury, Elizabeth Henstridge, and Tyler Hoechlin.

Diana Ross – Upside Down >> all the songs that sampled it.

Just remember, if Mayo turns out to be a good coach it’s because Robert Kraft saw something in him. If he turns out to be a bad coach, look to the coaching tree.

Blue Line: Delays of about 10 minutes while a maintenance train inspects the overhead wires between Airport and Wonderland. Trains may stand by at stations.

I must hear something described as “the elephant in the room” twice a week. That’s 100 elephants in the room. How many elephants can you really fit in a room do you think?

Getting a microphone tattoo is the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard of. Might as well wear a shirt that says, “ask me about being in sports.”

Hey gang with a benevolence association, this week’s Phrase that Pays is, “redirected to the ground.”

The only snakes I know of are those of Set and his cursed towers. Their evil has spread to every city. Two or three years ago it was just another snake cult, now…RIP James Earl Jones.

Agency news: KLUTCH Sports Group has acquired Ballengee Football, adding its agents including Rick Roberts, Martin Fischman and Don Weatherall and 20+ clients including Malik Nabers, Patrick Queen and Travis Etienne, to their emerging roster. This move follows the acquisitions of ROOF and Rep 1 Baseball earlier this year.

I’m home today playing Borderlands and I have to wonder…do the Vault Hunters have a Union?

Football isn’t my favorite sport but man, it really is the best-looking game on TV.

Weird fences make weird neighbors.

Why can’t Dave Grohl go the Shank route and pretend it never happened? Is it because people have a hard time believing two different women would go to bed with the CHB willingly?

In the timbers of Fennario,
The wolves are runnin’ ’round.
The winter was so hard and cold,
Froze ten feet ‘neath the ground.

Don’t murder me.
I beg of you, don’t murder me.
Please, don’t murder me.

I sat down to my supper.
‘Twas a bottle of red whisky.
I said my prayers and went to bed.
That’s the last they saw of me.

Since 1962 the Dodgers have won six NL MVP Awards. The New York Mets have won none. I’m kind of thinking maybe this should be the year?

Lucy Wrights, just winging it. ‘One Take Lucy’, they call her.

The frozen breakfast sandwich people must be in cahoots with the paper towel manufacturers.

The Red Sox are making a mockery of George Herman Fruith’s career!

The Echoes slept through their wake up call in South Bend.

Sarah Spain thinks Van Morrison was writing about b-holes in 1967?

I ain’t calling some other dude Swagu.

YouTube Belichick is great. But it raises the question, what did they do with the other half of Matt Patricia? Deep dive conversational format is actually what I think Brady would be better suited for than color analyst.

Honk if you remember Rod Rust’s hapless Patriots squad.

Man, both sides. Amirite?

YOU fell for the Al Horford retirement announcement hoax! You did! You did!

PSA: the new linkin park clips don’t sound weird because of her singing, they sound weird because all the songs are in new (higher) keys. For sure a factor that should have been considered, but I think she sounds pretty good and now a bunch of young fans get to see them

WooSox manager Chad Tracy said that Mickey Gasper tweaked his back packing up his things after being optioned from Boston back to Worcester.

Won’t someone please think about the Sports Hub producers who were heartlessly let go? No? Okay.

John Tomase. Writing about the Patriots. NBCS Boston doesn’t get nearly the hate they should.

Red Sox refuse to die. But also refuse to put together a winning streak.

Best bet for the weekend: Trust falls in Foxboro before the breakout session.

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Bill James, Old Friend Miserable Fellow and the members of #the15 were used in this column. Kind of a drag.

And happy birthday to local gal done good singer/songwriter Kay Hanley.

9/4/24 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

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Eagles!

Our long national nightmare of Katie Nolan not being on TV is over.

The Seminoles got wicked Sturrowed! #lol

Jarren Duran being the only guy to not tap out is quite the 180 from two years ago.

Jerod sooo wanted to wear a C as a player.

Johnny Gaudreau seemed to be too nice a guy to have gone to BC. Very sad.

My fantasy football draft strategy? Just vibes.

Cakes are cooking for Ken Harrelson, Ray Floyd, Tom Watson, Martin Chambers, Blackie Lawless, Khandi Alexander, George Hurley, Damon Wayans, John Vanbiesbrouck, Tomas Sandström, Mike Piazza, Ione Skye, Wes Bentley, Pat Neshek, Beyoncé, Hildur Guðnadóttir, Kaillie Humphries, and Olha Kharlan.

Additionally, Brother John Irons is also entitled to a cake today.

Red Line Reminder: September 6-29 No Train service between JFK/UMass and Braintree due to track work. Commuter Rail alternatives are available. Shuttle buses will not service JFK/UMass.

What made you think Jaylen got hacked? Weird tweets?

Hard to believe a health nut like (checks notes) Fatman Scoop just collapsed like that. RIP.

I need to know who the IU and Purdue are of the ACC.

The most effective fly swatter I have ever tried is a rolled-up bath towel. The hitting surface is like ten times larger than fly swatter, and it tends to stun them without smashing them and creating little blood spots.

Do you guys remember how fun it used to be to ask questions?

Hey gang of accountability experts! This week’s Phrase that Pays is, “a frustrated Rafael Devers sat with a bat for about 40 minutes staring into his locker.”

Triston Casas exists within a vibe and the vibeless cannot stand him for it.

Who is your personal favorite San Diego Padres prospect who never really made it? Someone who never reached Majors or never got much opportunity to play. I’ll go with Dennis Tankersley. So close to Eck! Had to root for him. But he did nothing to earn more opportunity.

Every time Joe Furey is on TV it seems like the first time ever.

Maybe the racially ambiguous bull dykes shouldn’t goon up on the nice white lady? Just a thought.

Brian Kelly looks like a general contractor that’s always bringing you bad news.

Count me among the Tiafoe fans. Love the way he plays tennis.

Sometimes, in a quiet moment, I’ll be listening to the cicadas, and I’ll get lost in thought and remember that the Boston Celtics won the 2024 NBA Finals and have the most titles in NBA history.

Now look at the people
In the streets, in the bars
We are all of us in the gutter
Some of us are looking at the stars
Look ’round the room
Life is unkind
We fall but we keep gettin’ up
Over and over and over…

Me and you, every night, every day.
We’ll be together always this way.
Your eyes are blue like the heavens above.
Talk to me darlin’, with a message of love.

Denver Broncos and two-time Pro-Bowl CB Patrick Surtain ll reached agreement today on a four-year, $96 million extension that includes $77.5 million guaranteed, now making him the highest-paid defensive back in NFL history. Tory Dandy of CAA negotiated the deal.

Katie Nolan won’t stop until she’s fired from every sports outlet in North America.

Franklin Park Zoo lights: Super cool.

The current condition of Ponkapoag must have Donald Ross rolling around in his grave.

Taylor Mathis doesn’t realize she could walk around reading the ingredients for raisins and her followers would not give a hoot. Not one hoot.

Honk if you remember Tom Tupa scoring the first 2-point conversion in NFL history.

Oh yeah, Chris Gasper. There’s your answer.

News Item: Former Patriots wide receiver Danny Amendola joining ‘Dancing with the Stars.’

When selling a home, I tell all my clients, “Hide your Fluff.”

Except for hockey, the C on the jersey always triggers me. It was so lame when Varitek wore it, and the NFL gays it up another level with the stars, always loved that Bill wouldn’t allow it. It’s just another reminder how the Kraft’s are hellbent on distancing themselves from the greatest coach of all time. Complete loser asshole behavior.

Chris Sale was doing his best impression of Eric Idle in European Vacation last year and now he’s pitching like a gentile Koufax.

Best bet for the weekend: Tennessee Volunteer Charles Davis handling Tennessee Volunteer Jerod Mayo with kid gloves during Sunday’s broadcast.

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Bill James, Old Friend Lebron and the members of #the15 were used in this column. Message of love.

Bianca is looking forward to the fall weather.

From The15 Vault – The 2018 Labor Day Playlist

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(Originally published September 1, 2016 on the BSMW Message Board.)

Assorted Songs of Work and Toil, Songs of Celebration & Songs of Summer’s Departing:

Summertime – UnderLemon: A Tribute to Badfish (with Splenda Rae)

L-I-V-I-N, Livin! – Cousin Sonny & the Sugartits Philharmonic

Moonpie Daydream – Larry Johnson and the Tracers

Pink Moscato (is Horrid) – Laz and the Flextones

Border Crossing Holiday –Chipster and the Canadian Girlfriends

Tumbleweeds (Acoustic) – The Sad Onions

Zen and the Art of Lawnmower Maintenance – The Indigo Girls

Higher Me! – Joe Gill

Shameless Mumbling Company Man – The Highwaymen

Another Round of Layoffs – Company of Newsies 2- The Quickening

Summertime Summertime – Auto-tuned Sherm Feller

Lock Down the Lochte Story, Would Ya? – NBC Quarrantined Festival Ensemble

Damn Right I’m a Proud Company Man –Mutton Lou & the Victuallers

Happy Worker Song – Shigeyoshi Wholesome Entertainment and Vending Concern Song Group

I Hope You Weren’t Driving Also – Regular Brian and the Granite State Finger-Wags

Drive-In Saturday – David Bowie

I Heard Rumblings Summer Would End – Bert tha Confirmator

Offseason Won, Nothing More to be Done – The Refreshments

Sum Nights – Know What Would Be Fun? (‘Live from The Mathnasium’ Album version)

The Girl With The Curious Hand – Digney Fignus

Let’s Work – Prince

Drivin’ the Miami to Portland Bus Blues – Powerhouse Moron

Sex and Drugs and Rock & Roll – Tinker’s Fig

Bass Rocks – Willie Alexander

Limenkugel Shantys! – The DadTown Air Wardens

Paddle Board (live w/ monologue) – Bruce Springsteen and the E Street Band

My Research Proves The Twelves Are From Hangar 13 (Instrumental) – Mike Bara

Visit Vacationland – D-Money (with Smoothy & Shifty)

Theme From ‘A Summer Place’ – Yngwie Malmsteen

Goodbye Bombay John – Reg Dwight & The RestStoppers

The 2024 Labor Day Weekend Playlist

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(Dear The15net dot com Wicked Pissah Beantown Chowderheads Platinum Elite Members; Here is the musical playlist for your Labor Day weekend enjoyment, now back on its even-numbered year release schedule. Assorted Songs of Work and Toil, Songs of Celebration & Songs of Summer’s Departing. Click HERE to download.)

The Chicken Washer Blues – Seve Providenza

Whistle While You Work – Doris Burke

Jarren Can You Hear Me? – The Wu (From the Wok Opera concept album)

Tainted Pool – Carny & the Shysters

I Line Up Wrong (Then Line Up Wrong Again) – Chukwuma

Bananic Monday – The Camgles

No shirt, no source, no problem – Gabby Starr

Working 9 to 9:05 – Yeho Shua

Dog is Good Food – Not Dead Kennedys

Jerod’s OPTUM Eyes – CRIS-Zero

Main Theme to ‘Oi! Yer Mum’s an Ironmonger!’ – Smush

Permanent Vacation – Dork Brandon

F-F-F-Flipping Burgers – Gresh

I ran my boyfriend over with my Lexus – Karen Read

Hammertime – Robyn G.

I Kissed A Girl (Allegedly) – Kendra Middleton

Not Workin’ for a Livin’ – Greg Dickerson and the Old News

Robot Caddy – Big Doxxing Manny

Bang the Replies All Day – Steve (R)undrgren

I Disappear – Deplorable Kenny

Walking on Broken Glass Eyeballs – Annie Mooreside

Pumpkin Spice SZN – Average White Girl

Sign The Butchie (He’s a Right-Hand Bat) – Murph & the Magic Chefs

Money For Nothing -Gabby Starrs

A Rock Hard Day’s Night -The Beaters

Don’t Stop Bleav-ing and such – Shukrey

The Boy With the Busted Taillight in His Side – The Reads

Forty Six and 2 Dozen Eggs- HillBHLy Elegy

Mac Daddio – Half Miles Davis

Woman Is the My Man of the World – Chibbs and the Bof Fri Fleu

Pickleball NIMBYS – Swellesley Falmouth

Starch Flim-Flam – Red Spud & the Nutmeggers

The Lost Trophy Blues – Walter & Isobel

Rich Girl – Gabby and Starr

Take This Job Application and Shove It – Gregory Dickerson Coe

Gas Station Squadoosh – Mollusk

96 Meniscus Tears – …??? & the Mysterions, idiot

Swiss Cheese Umbrella – Lemonbags

Pancakes! – Li’l Skillet

Exotic Pets – Salamander Dander

Maggie’s Farm – Frank O’Harris’s Provisional Irish Republican Army Choir

Outside In – Wavering Trillburys

Deer Come Out of Nowhere (When You’re Doing Belly Shots Alone) – Das EFX and INXS (with Wreckx-N-Effect)

(Have a song suggestion? Or a compliment? Leave it in the comments!)

8/28/24 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

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Unconventional, but effective. I guess.

I hope everyone on the newly minted Patriots 53-man roster creates some SMART goals so we can track their progress during the season.

Hit that shtick-pilfering hussy with your wallet, Lucy!

Is it me, or was there less local media celebrating going on after Cutdown Day arrived so soon after WEEI axed Fauria and Gresh?

I don’t think the Red Sox are gonna make the playoffs.

Well, at least we can continue to read all of Meghan Ottolini’s columns!

I think Dave O’Brien just said ‘excape.’

Who confuses Hanson and Chumbawumba?

Welcome back, teachers.

Cakes are cooking for Lou Piniella, Ron Guidry, Daniel Stern, Rick Rossovich, Scott Hamilton, Emma Samms, Jennifer Coolidge, Rick Fehr, Lee Janzen, Satoshi Tajiri, Tom Fitzgerald, Jack Black, Pierre Turgeon, Janet Evans, Todd Eldredge, Jay Witasick, LeAnn Rimes, Armie Hammer, Florence Welch, and Ons Jabeur.

So, the Sox clam broadcast the other night? Perfect timing as the team was gushing blood everywhere.

Orange Line Reminder: Between 10 AM and 2 PM all Orange Line service between Forest Hills and Jackson Square will operate on the Oak Grove (Northbound) track. Riders should expect delays between 9 AM and 4 PM as personnel conduct this single track operation.

Hey gang of dubious eventual sexagenarians! This week’s Phrase that Pays is, “It’s not that complicated to figure out.”

Joe Milton III could have played on those 2014-2015 Royals teams where everyone threw 101.

“Suck on” violations aren’t a thing.

Most, if not all, aspiring rappers never achieve the complete life turnaround. Kudos to Chyna Whyte, or whoever.

Any of them starting left tackles get waived yet? Not yet? How about now?

Gresh has a very interesting quirk in his contract. Instead of the standard non-compete, they gave him a ‘please sign with the competitor’ clause.

Wanamatonomy was the hardest class I took in college, much more difficult than Neuroanatomy.

Bots write SI articles. You’re thanking a computer, Donny O!

Liking werewolf tweets isn’t a funny troll anymore. It’s providing Aid and Comfort to the Enemy.

Incredible but true! Ted Williams never once in his entire career had a timer violation called against him.

Best job in the industry is the guy who does all the imaging for the new shows that WEEI throws out there. Guaranteed jackpot of work every few months.

Introduce me to that big blonde.
She’s got a touch of Tuesday Weld.
She’s wearing Ambush and a French twist;
She’s got us wild and she can tell.
She loves to limbo, that much is clear;
She’s got the right dynamic for the new frontier.

Wait Cheryl Hines is married to RFK Jr.? How did I miss this?

Roster cutdown reminder number 7 – Players on the team 4PM September 3rd get paid for Week 1. Making the initial roster on August 27th does not mean the player will get paid for Week 1.

Lou Damn Merloni fucking tries to retcon himself onto the ‘04 team.

Sid Vicious the wrestler won’t be down. Sid Vicious from the Sex Pistols? Also still dead. Wrestling Sid staying in character during the Shockmaster’s debut may be one of wrestling’s greatest achievements. RIP.

Angel Reese and Shaquille O’Neal. Like equals!

They discontinued my TGel? Just because of some alleged dioxins?

So the one thing I do miss about pre-parenthood life is going to dinner by myself Finding a well-researched Wikipedia article and just diving in while waiting for and consuming my food. Great times in the back booth reading about Stalingrad, or Dan Sickles.

Jarren Duran now has 42 doubles, 13 triples, 20 HR and 32 stolen bases. No other player in the history of baseball has done all of those things in one season.

Taxachusetts! Belichick: He’s just like one of us!

Next month marks one year since WWE signed Jade Cargill.

Honk if you remember Cla Meredith.

In the falls of justice, the only justice is in the falls. Sandy, can we get that on a magnet?

WEEI is paying Andy Hart in Lucky Charms.

Shouldn’t losing a baseball announcer be an error rather than a fumble?

Sign The Swayman!

World Health Organization reporting Zappe Fever has been eradicated.

Best bet for the weekend: the heaviest travel weekend yet.

What’s wrong with Ordillo thanking the SI writer Bots?

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Bill James, Old Friends jforb and Lebron, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. Dog days are over.

And happy birthday to Canadian singer Shania Twain.

8/21/24 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

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Not for much longer.

Did Mayor Wu ever get that meeting with Jarren Duran?

Crazy that Andy Hart’s kid is pulling in his dad’s biweekly salary in a single weekend.

Happy Hour’s overdue return to the Commonweath shot down yet again? Another W for the Puritans.

A certain percentage of fans are going to treat WAR as a reliable estimate of a player’s value, no matter how obvious it is that it is wrong.

Adam 12, Deathcat Holley. Deathcat Holley, Adam 12.

The International Olympic Committee wants Jordan’s Chiles bronze medal back? Molṑn labé.

Veronica Burton…TD Garden, ten minutes court time, two rebounds, one assist. Zero points on 0 for 4 shooting…your thoughts?

I’m going to give Bedard the benefit of the doubt. It’s clear he meant to say, “Nip Cage is a goof.”

Cakes are cooking for Archie Griffin, Kim Cattrall, Kim Sledge, Jim McMahon, Carrie-Anne Moss, Josee Chouinard, Craig Counsell, Alicia Witt, Jason Marquis, Kelis Rogers-Jones, BJ Upton, Eve Torres, Laura Haddock, Usain Bolt, Kacey Musgraves, Hayden Panettiere, and Bo Burnham.

Love the idea that talking gambling while bouncing your your titties is some sort of intellectual property that needs protecting.

Hey gang of deck chair rearrangers, this week’s Phrase that Pays is, “I don’t need to know anything about the radio losers’ lifestyles.”

I’m sure Bloomberg’s AM signal is already one of the 14 stations beating Jones and MegO, but will they really have more listeners than good old American rock n roll?

‘Keep off the moors and stick to the roads’ was the best advice I ever got in life.

Blue Line: Delays of about 10 minutes while a maintenance train inspects the overhead wires between Airport and Wonderland. Trains may stand by at stations.

Angel Reese has officially signed a sponsorship deal with Reese’s. Her first “Reese’s Pieces” apparel collection launches today.

Mayo’s “I have impostor syndrome” article from 2021 is a “boy did I outkick my coverage, hahaha!” humblebrag.

A “blend of lifestyle entertainment?” That should give Joansie the ratings he got at The Sports Hub with F&M as his lead-in.

I don’t care how many times you email me about it, I do not want two free weeks of Uber One.

If I’m Michelle Wu, I’m demanding a sit-down with Eliot Wolf right now.

Just saw a Dairy Queen commercial where they’re eating the Blizzards at home. Unless you live right next to the DQ this is a bad idea they melt fast in transit.

A fan with very poor sense of humor yelled “You need a tennis racket” with Duran at the plate Friday. Comedic value? 0 out of 10.

Fun Fact: Everett is not in Boston.

Spencer Torkelson would be a great name for a Professor of Paleontology. That is all.

Lifestyle and entertainment? What’s Keefe gonna do, talk about his Funko Pop collection?

Naming a cat Dr. Doom is great. But it’s especially great when the vet tech announces “Dr. Doom?” in a waiting room.

I only do my banking at Char­gogg­a­gogg­man­chaugg­a­gogg­chau­bun­a­gung­a­maugg Bank.

What the world needs now is love, sweet love.
It’s the only thing that there’s just too little of.
What the world needs now is love, sweet love.
No, not just for some, but for everyone.

Lord, we don’t need another meadow.
There are cornfields and wheat fields
Enough to grow.
There are sunbeams and moonbeams
Enough to shine.
Oh listen Lord, if you want to know.

Frogger is an interesting game because at the highest level of play it’s possible to reach a board that’s not solvable, ending your game. It’s not a true kill screen, however, because with proper strategy that scenario can be avoided.

Two deep throws so far, two completions from Jordan Love to Romeo Doubs. The connection is real and has the potential to be spectacular.

Pochettino? Sounds delicious! Is it something a gaucho chuckwagon makes?

Honk if you remember Rick & Paul Reuschel becoming the first brothers to pitch a combined shut out.

The Pope doesn’t even have a rain gauge in the Vatican FFS.

I know more than a few people who would consider a standard big watermelon to be ‘personal sized.’

Golf swings and fantasy zings: Steve is a pop culture poster!

Oh sure, MegO, she’s obviously the problem. The least-smarmy of the three hosts.

The right Jennifer is out there for you Ben Affleck! Probably.

Maybe making someone other than a sullen, unpatriotic, cigar store Indian-looking player the face of the WNBA was a good thing.

Best bet for the weekend: Red Sox hang tough.

Shu’s angry TikTok thumbnails all look like the last thing Tony Mazz sees before someone steals his car.

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Bill James, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. Gresh? Fauria?

And happy birthday to Czech tennis player Karolína Muchová.

7/31/24 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

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Going great.

The Sox tapping out every year immediately after the All-Star game is so weird.

Matthew Judon sat on a trash can watching pass-rushers practice? Doesn’t he know they put a PlayStation in the locker room??

“It’s not based on The Last Supper, but rather on an obscure Dutch painting from the 17th century!” has real, “We didn’t name our candy bar after the most famous baseball player in America in 1920, but after the dead daughter of a former President!” energy.

There’s a macabre subset of Celtics Twitter that loves talking about how long Len Bias and Reggie Lewis have been dead.

El Prez can’t claim the child tax credit for his girlfriend?

The US men’s basketball team and the US women’s beach volleyball team are both wearing long spandex pants. Disapprove!

Cakes are cooking for Gerry Philbin, Sab Shimono, Bill Weld, Barry Van Dyke, Evonne Goolagong Cawley, Alan Autry, Michael Biehn, Bill Berry, Mark Cuban, Dale Hunter, Sandra Hodge, Wesley Snipes, Fatboy Slim, J.K. Rowling, Andre Ware, Chris Weinke, Jonathan Ogden, Tim Couch, Zac Brown, B.J. Novak, DeMarcus Ware, Evgeni Malkin, and Kyle Larson.

Here’s the thing: There’s only so many plays one can run on offense in team handball.

@Dart_Adams Donna Summer: from Dorchester or Mission Hill? Always thought Dot but heard/read MH somewhere.

Hey gang of Volvik users, this week’s Phrase that Pays is, “Are you fucking Caleb Williams?”

Why does Steve Kerr hate Tyrese Halliburton?

Green Line Update: Regular service has resumed between Heath Street and Brigham Circle.

What a stupid ritual wakes are. Gonna kneel in front of this rotting corpse filled with formaldehyde and pray to an old guy in the sky. Totally normal! Free Jacks won their playoff game.

Overheard at #The15 water cooler: “Dude, this gash football game is kinda tense!”

Great to see Dorchester gal Ayo Edebiri kicking ass onscreen with Robert Townsend in S3 of “The Bear”, 37 years after his iconic movie Hollywood Shuffle.

Oh good; water polo has VAR too.

The Call Her Daddy whore should ask Simone if the trainer made her squirt.

Next Olympics: Breaking 2: Electric Boogaloo.

Oh wow, Don Orsillo called a Padres no-hitter? I’m sure he’ll never tell us about it.

Anyone know the medal count?

We got on the ol’ Ouija Board to try and contact the restless spirit of Red Sox Poet Laureate Dick Flavin to see if he’d honor us with a timely poem. Here’s what we got:

“Detox Day is a movable feast,

When you need it the most or need it the least.

When your mouth is so dry you can’t even spit,

Or when your overtaxed liver is ready to quit.

Those will be days are the, the days..”

It goes on and on like that.

Duquette’s dumbest idea, that Karen Read is innocent or Wilfredo Cordero?

That can only mean Theo Epstein will be the one to come in and actually free Karen.

And the train conductor says,
Take a break, Driver 8.
Driver 8, take a break,
We can reach our destination.
But we’re still a ways away, but it’s still a ways away.
But we’re still a ways away, but it’s still a ways away.

A way to shield the hated heat.
A way to put myself to sleep.
A way to shield the hated heat.
A way to put myself, my children to sleep.

Savannah Guthrie always has a look on her face like she just asked, ‘You want to put what where?’

The US women’s gymnastics team is like a Benetton ad.

Tatum getting stapled to the bench was the worst act of terrorism ever involving a member of the Kerr family.

Yes, Ma: I heard about the deli meat recall.

TITTPT.

The Patriots reward another one of their own: The team and Davon Godchaux have agreed to a two-year extension worth up to $21M with $16.5M guaranteed. The deal was done by Drew Rosenhaus, Jason Rosenhaus and Ryan Matha.

Wait, there’s men’s field hockey?

RB Aaron Jones should have plenty of opportunities earlier for Minnesota.

Honk if you remember Jimmer Fredette.

Has there ever been a team like the 2024 Yankees before? I’ve never seen one. It’s like Maris and Mantle were traded to the 1962 Mets.

Hey guys, that’s Lenny DiNardo! *blank stares*

Try harder to make us like you Coach Mayo. It’s going to happen. Soon.

That Aussie RugbyRoo Sevens gal almost ran down Spiff Cedrick like Ben Watson did Champ Bailey.

My grade on the Revs trade? Um, incomplete?

Imagine having a problem with Simone Biles. (Gerry Callahan not eligible)

Tough loss, Renegades.

Best bet for the weekend: Judon gets neither a bag or his flowers.

Le Festin des Dieux – Jan van Bijlert OK, I can kinda see it.

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Bill James, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. Citius, Altius, Fortius – Communiter.

And happy birthday to American model Chandra North.

7/24/24 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

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Camp. For Training.

Has Coach Mayo used “Optum” as an adjective yet?

Kenley Jansen has an irregular heartbeat? What a coincidence; so do I, when I see him come in from the bullpen! Bwahahahaha!

Sam Hauser, getting paid like he owns a suburban daycare center.

Coors Field features two of my favorite Stupid Cool Things in baseball: The forest in center field, and the row of purple seats to denote one mile above sea level.

Imagine going to Duluth and your first thought is to ask Big Gym about it.

Can’t help but be distracted by a TBS game broadcast using a TNT Sports graphics package.

Aaron Rodgers, reporting for duty on reporting day.

Cakes are cooking for Ruth Buzzi, Bob Lily, Dan Hedaya, Robert Hays, Michael Richards, Lynda Carter, Gus Van Sant, Steve Grogan, Robbie Grey, Paul Geary, Julie Krone, Karl Malone, Barry Bonds*, Nick Nurse, Kristin Chenoweth, Jennifer Lopez, Rick Fox, Patty Jenkins, Danny Dyer, José Valverde, Rose Byrne, Valerio Scassellati, Summer Glau, Anna Paquin, Elisabeth Moss, Patrice Bergeron, and Kyle Kuzma.

Orange Line: Trains may travel at reduced speeds or stand by at stations while maintenance personnel conduct track inspections. Then again, they may not.

Am I un-American if I was rooting for South Sudan?

Been saying Bolt is the most dominant athlete for a long time now…..put some respect on Usain Bolt name.

I don’t think anybody under 40 can throw a frisbee.

Kirk Herbstreit announces new show featuring his dog Ben? The seize and decyst from Mina Kimes and Lenny is on the way! Woof.

Hammer dulcimer!

The multipart BET “Rap City” docuseries was a slap in the face to its longtime viewers. It covered almost NOTHING about why “Rap City” was groundbreaking, essential, or necessary from its inception on August 11th, 1989. I’ll write about it because I remember damb near everything!

I ain’t calling some other grown man ‘McLovin.’

Don’t you just love the pomp and pageantry of the Olympic Opening Ceremonies, Craig? I really do.

OK, trust falls, then the breakout sesh!

Gees, the COVID bubble champs regardless of the sport are sensi and salty.

Poor people always find time to fuck.

Hearing whispers Jonathan Jones had a nice first day of camp. He finished with two pass breakups.

Your New England Free Jacks need a win Saturday to reach the MLR Finals!

The 1901 Detroit Tigers had only one regular or near-regular player who went by and is listed today by his actual first name or a common derivative of that. No less than 3 of their regulars went by the monicker “Kid”. The others were called “Sport”, “Ducky”, “Doc”, “Pop” and “Fritz.”

Moving forward, using all my breath.
Making love to you was never second best.
I saw the world crashing all around your face.
Never really knowing it was always mesh and lace.

I’ll stop the world and melt with you.
You’ve seen the difference, and it’s getting better all the time.
There’s nothing you and I won’t do.
I’ll stop the world and melt with you.

Summer in Boston meant the TV lineup changed. Suddenly, channel 25 added “The Monkees” to the lineup & channel 66 added “Gidget” starring a young Sally Field. Next came the “Creature Double Feature”, “Kung Fu Theater” & Frankie Avalon/Annette Funicello film marathons all Summer.

I made over 100 grand working construction every year Biden was President.

Am I supposed to root against the US Olympic Team because MLS doesn’t have promotion and relegation?

Not even a mention of Klobuchar as a potential VP pick. But that aint a problem for us Klob Slobs, we’re patient folk.

Jerod Mayo is going to re-injure something with all the false hustle he’s putting out.

Honk if you remember the Pine Tar Game.

Was just thinking the other day it’s been forever since I saw a frog in my yard and then yesterday, boom! A tree frog out on the porch. Nature, uh, finds a way.

Commander Biden tried to warn us about the Secret Service.

Going to miss seeing that tall girl play the Olympic 3 on 3 basketball.

Jackie Connors. Now an Eternal Eagle. RIP.

The Sports Junk Drawer turned into MSNBC so gradually no one even noticed. #LeanForward

Best bet for the weekend: Red Sox determine whether they will be buyers or sellers at the MLB trade deadline.

Zesty drip! Mothers, lock up your daughters!

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Bill James, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. Here comes the night.

BdlG in Gucci, which is not an official sponsor of the 2024 Paris Olympic Games.

7/18/24 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

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Jarren Duran. Si, mas!

Kysre?

Are you now a member of the Patriots coaching staff? Are you sure? Check your emails.

The MLB ASG was very Red Sox intensive. As it should be.

Doubtless everyone in Jamaica Plain was rooting for the Fila-sponsored Barbora Krejcikova, to win Wimbledon, right?

If you can’t use a hammer correctly, sailing might not be your thing either.

MLB Draft: 9 of the first 21 players selected in the first round are Black players. #Diversity

Spaniards must be partying like it’s 1799 with the Euro Cup win and Alcaraz as the Wimbledon Men’s champ.

Ingrid Andress is going to rehab? This is going to ruin the tour.

Bedtime at 8:30 is delightful, sorree!

Cakes are cooking for Dick Button, Tenley Albright, Paul Verhoeven, Dion DiMucci, Joe Torre, Craig Fuller, Richard Branson, Nick Faldo, Elizabeth McGovern, Wendy Williams, Dan O’Brien, Vin Deisel, Anfernee Hardaway, Bruce Walker, Torii Hunter, Elsa Pataky, Ben Sheets, Dion Branch, Kristin Bell, Priyanka Chopra, and Canelo Alvarez.

Fun Fact: ‘Kysre’ is pronounced. ‘kaiser!’

Watching some Nets/Cavs from 1993 and Paolo Banchero reminds me so much of Derrick Coleman.

My grass is so brown Gerry Callahan is throwing rocks at it.

Tough loss at Wimbledon, but at least Jasmine Paolini now gets to go back to The Shire and marry Sam Gamgee.

Three monocle emojis can sometimes mean, ‘I’m happy for my Celtics teammate’, right?

Green Line B and C branch trains are currently terminating at Park Street due to a track problem at Government Center. For service to Boston College or Cleveland Circle from Government Center, board any train and switch at Park Street.

Greg Dickerson: “Is it bad that I’m insanely jealous of the hawk tuah girl? I just want fame and fortune for living life with no talent.” Sad!

Does Dave O’Brien even like his job? Guy should be conducting estate sales.

Red Sox drafted David Ortiz’s son, D’Angelo, in the 19th round. The Yankees will literally never know peace.

My “for you” tab is all fight vids and videos of animals you wouldn’t think would be friends, but are.

Jeff Howe thinks Dickie V. should stop showboating.

Hey gang of insecure phenoms! This week’s Phrase that Pays is, “I’m not afraid of you or your resources.”

BattleBots!

Uh, Dakota Fannings breakout role was in I Am Sam, 3 roles before Man on Fire.

Looking at Shakira is always a treat but once again who asks for music at a sporting event?

No better way to prove you’re definitely not jealous or bothered by criticism than to make another tweet about it a day later.

This Week’s Bill Simmons Mad Libs: “Is Jamie Lee Curtis the Eli Manning of her generation?”

Anybody with the last Campbell is called Soupy or Soup.

Jarren Duran joins Yaz, Roger, Pedro, and JD Drew as Red Sox All Star Game MVP winners.

Chanting at sporting events is like verbally holding hands with other guys.

Two absolutely fantastic rookie pitchers this year, Skenes and Miller. When was the last time we had two rookies like that in one year?

I can see why you think you belong to me.
I never tried to make you think or let you see
one thing for yourself.
But now you’re off with someone else and I’m alone.
You see I thought that I might keep you for my own.

Amie, what you wanna do?
I think I could stay with you,
For a while, maybe longer if I do.

News Item: Bill Belichick to join the cast of The CW’s ‘Inside the NFL’ The CW still exists? Is it on after ‘Gossip Girl?’

Bro, you need to get to Comerica.

What happens if you say ‘Klutch Sports Group’ five times in a mirror?

I’ve seen D’Angelo Ortiz play a few times. Good approach, works the count. Table-setter at Miami Dade. Smart player, too. He worked hard and played two years of juco. Nothing glamorous there, just bus rides and ball.

What a bizarre culture we’ve created where the third wheel on a hockey podcast feels the need to tell us he’s laying off the benzos.

Honk if you remembered to watch the ESPY’s.

Gaylord Perry would have liked that ‘Hawk Tuah’ gal.

Well at least the fans from the South American countries didn’t live down to stereotypes and low expectations in the Copa.

Third Eye Blind can pack ’em in at Great Woods and 50 Cent can’t? We truly live in an odd odd time in history.

Kayla Burton, Steve’s kid, NBC Sports Boston. Your thoughts?

Hillbilly Elegy is a prime day deal $7.45. I Am due for a next book to read and heard it was good.

Aloha means ‘goodbye.’ Aloha, Gregg Berhalter.

Now you can’t stream to Twitter unless you’re a “Premium Member?” Thanks for making it tougher to survive as a content creator, Elon.

Best bet for the weekend: high drama at Royal Troon.

Jaylen. Kysre. Cute couple of hoopers.

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Bill James, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. Modified limited hiatus?

And happy birthday to pale British actress Kelly Reilly.
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