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11/12/2025 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

Posted on November 12, 2025 by scartsy15 Leave a comment

Hey stupid, there was another, even easier way to retire as a Patriot.

Poor Kacsmar. Maye won a game where he made “over” 26 pass attempts. That means six more weeks of not leaving the basement.

Might be time for JB to make the call to Dr. Leonard. Just sayin’,

Portnoy has a nutritionist, a personal trainer, and a personal chef and he’s still sloppy.

Baseball needs more awards. There; I said it.

Bill’s dream job becoming available enough to pry him out of Chapel Hill, caller?

Boston is cornering the market on Marco/Marko’s. Think Marco Scutaro wants a job with the Sox staff?

Ketamine makes you act inauthentic sometimes.

For Curt Schilling, there’s nothing hotter than sending someone to the showers. What?

Antonio Brown’s perpetual motion fall from grace continues. Tom vouched.

Cakes are cooking foe Wallace Shawn, Al Michaels, Booker T. Jones, Neil Young, Valerie Leon, Buck Dharma, Pooch Tavares, Jack Reed, Paul McNamee, Megan Mullally, Greg Gagne, Nadia Comăneci, Naomi Wolf, Erik Howard, Michael Moorer, Sammy Sosa, Tonya Harding, Mayte Garcia, Radha Mitchell, Ashley Williams, Cote de Pablo, Ryan Gosling, Anne Hathaway, Jason Day, and Russell Westbrook.

Nap Lajoie is the only Hall of Famer whose plaque includes the word “graceful.” Would loved to have seen him play.

Ending a bag of peanuts on a good peanut is an underrated great feeling.

Portnoy brought in Hogdale to look skinny by comparison.

Why didn’t Dondero pause for a longer amount of time before executing that completely spontaneous spit-take?

All the best football experts promote shady gaming apps.

Red Line Update: Delays of about 10 minutes due to an earlier train with a door issue at Davis. Service is proceeding.

Imagine having a kid and wanting to tell Perrault and Carrabis.

Zolak talked all over the 4th down stop, which was good because then he was all tuckered out for the Henderson run.

How is it 2025 in America and most stores in the mall don’t stock 3XL T-shirts?

National Signing Day and it’s some retard in a shitty cafeteria choosing between Endicott and Fitchburg State hats.

Who needs Mac & Cheese on Thanksgiving?

I’m so glad Rich Eisen went back to ESPN, so we don’t have to listen to his terrible play-by-play.

Mike Lombardi’s hair looks like when a guy in a 70s sitcom had a hairpiece that would fall off and he’d frantically put it on backward.

Papaya Gaming?

Hey gang of grifting gals, this week’s Phrase that Pays is, “She has the shape of a DeNucci.”

If tinnitus is a disability I’m Stephen fucking Hawking.

RA slurs so much that the generated captions don’t match what he’s saying.

Team Bucko Kilroy here. For reasons.

Hey buddy, haven’t you heard there’s a penny shortage in this country?

Seven game winning streaks. So hot right now.

Too soon to call Flagg a GM killer?

C’mon UMass!

Honk if you remember Grönk Flakes.

This is obviously all a ploy for Mina Kimes to promote her Mahjong app.

He’s a perfect stranger
Like a cross of himself and a fox
He’s a feeling arranger
And a changer of the ways he talk
He’s the unforeseen danger
The keeper of the key to the lock

Know when you see him
Nothing can free him
Step aside, open wide
He’s the loner.

So I can’t see the Northern Lights, but my cell phone can? That doesn’t seem fair.

The Cleveland Guardians pitchers were a good start, but when are they going to arrest Troy Vincent?

Celtics lead the league in the strong effort in helpful losses category.

Bo Nix with eye black looks like Bill Romanowski.

The irredeemable slobs at 98.5 are upset they can’t treat their workplace like a college dorm kitchenette.

BC basketball lost to Directional Connecticut? Was Bill O’Brien in attendance?

Every fanbase hates their OC no matter what. It’s ridiculous.

I’m not saying we bullied Joe into giving Walsh playing time, but I’m not not saying it either.

Have we mentioned that Pasta is a Good Kid? Because he is.

Best bet for the weekend: visits to the meat counter to order the fresh turkeys.

*Mmmm. You can really taste the beechwood sawdust aging.*

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Joe Giza, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. Gas glove available inside.

TO’s & Threes – Celtics Column 11/25

Posted on November 3, 2025 by TheIntern15 Leave a comment

By Vinny Jace, Special to the15net dot com:

The expectations for this Celtics season were always tough to gauge. For one, not having your best player—Jayson Tatum, out with an Achilles tear—caps their ceiling dramatically. The dire salary cap situation forced management to prioritize jettisoning big contracts to clear the books, meaning free agents like Guerschon Yabusele and in-house vets Al Horford and Luke Kornet weren’t options.

It’s a bitter pill for a fan base riding the Jayson Tatum contention wave since 2018. One wrong step, and the franchise is mired in a rut not seen since the Big Three era cleared out.

The solace in this dour hour? Maybe the Celtics land among the NBA’s dregs, in the lottery, where a top-flight prospect rejuvenates a roster quietly desperate for youth and trade assets.

But even this talent-depleted squad isn’t bad enough for lottery glory. Like it or not, they house a Finals MVP (Jaylen Brown), an All-Defensive guard (Derrick White), and the reigning Sixth Man (Payton Pritchard). Not to mention 3-and-D sharpshooter Sam Hauser—a marksman any team would covet.

It’s not rocket science, or aerospace engineering.

Yes, beyond that, they lack dudes who dribble, pass, and rebound. But the NBA—especially the East—is littered with worse. On any given night, Jaylen Brown can have flames shooting out his ass, scoring from a phone booth. Derrick White can rim-protect like a center. This leaves room for the ~~scrubs~~ role players to punch above: Minott, Garza, Boucher, Simons – channeling ghosts of better days.

Josh Minott, Luka Garza, Chris Boucher—and especially Anfernee Simons—aren’t championship pieces. Simons? Damian Lillard shot selection without the justification. But some nights, he splashes enough to steal W’s.

The three-point revolution proved basketball is math, not art. Bomb from deep, randomize outcomes, level the field. The Celtics are 3-4. Only the victims of one blow out, despite trash stats: 43.6% FG (27th), 32.6% 3PT (26th). No surprise—they lost three 7-foot rim protectors, replaced by barely warm bodies.

How bad are they? A 42-win squad waiting for luck? The worst clutch team ever, dropping 55 by slim margins? This ain’t 2014—no Vitor Faverani heater flipping Ws to Ls. There are made men here. That scares me.

This team wasn’t built to compete. It was built to carve cap space for Tatum/Brown 2.0. We’re too early to predict that era.

‘It is difficult to make predictions, especially about the future’. Karl Kristian Steincke

Vinny Jace appears on the Entitled Weekend podcast. He does not live in Denmark.

10/29/2025 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

Posted on October 29, 2025 by scartsy15 Leave a comment

The first thing I’d ask if I were at a crooked poker game is, ‘Does the table always hum like that?’

Once again, the local media contingent is the last to know breaking Patriots news.

I thought we had so many years left with Beef. His absence leaves a void that can only be filled with fatter, more hilariously named men.

You know it could be a good day when one of the first things you hear is Screamin’ Jay Hawkins singing “I Put A Spell On You.”

Does Eliot Wolf fancy himself as some kind of 6th round draft savant?

The Bruins appear to be bipolar. Unfortunately.

That stuff that Chauncey Billups and Damon Jones are accused of is legitimately the type of stuff that gets people taken out. No exaggeration.

Cakes are cooking for Ralph Bakshi, Claude Brochu, Robbie van Leeuwen, Richard Dreyfuss, Kate Jackson, Guy Gelso, Denis Potvin, Lee Child, Roger O’Donnell, Dan Castellaneta, Jesse Barfield, Mike Gartner, Michael Carter, Randy Jackson, Yasmin Le Bon, Peter Timmons, Joely Fisher, Rufus Sewell, Peter Breen, Marquez Pope, Gabrielle Union, Tracee Ellis Ross, Michael Shur, Ben Foster, Amanda Beard, Maurice Clarett, Chris Baio, Eric Staal, Gio Benitez, Andy Dalton, and Evan Fournier.

Sarge, that picture should be titled ‘Beefcake Heaven’ or the ‘Studs on Causeway.’

It’s always best to point shave in game 7 of the ECF, a game nobody pays attention to.

Orange Line Update: Please continue to expect delays of about 10 minutes while signal personnel work to overcome a switch problem at Oak Grove.

Does Hogdale become the new Barstool Beef automatically, or is a vote needed?

I’m just gonna go ahead and say it: I love rugby style punters.

Hey gang of fun-haters, this week’s Phrase that Pays is, “One-day contracts are stupid.”

Never thought I’d be looking at the NBA Tankathon page again so soon but here we are.

Brian Kelly. Free to pursue other opportunities.

I never understood how an inverted W isn’t just an M.

Pablo Torre’s working on Jordon Hudson’s connection to this NBA gambling scandal.

Coach Vrabes is whacking people with connections to the Lombardi crime family.

Isn’t Dybantsa the drug that treats POTS?

There are survivalist ham radio operators with better Arbitron ratings than WEEI’s lineup.

I am physically incapable of not saying Quinshon Judkins without using the same cadence as ‘Leroy Jenkins.’

Climate change stops when we harness the power of pregame show fake laughs for clean energy.

In Deliver Me from Nowhere, Bruce Springsteen says his favorite hotdog condiment is mustard but in real life, Bruce Springsteen hates mustard so much he did a whole yap about it during a show. How the hell did E Street Ombudsman Gary W. Tallent let this happen?

Working on a fun story tonight where I get to combine two passions: special teams and apple cider doughnuts.

We’ve reached the point where it’s no longer Hazel may … it’s Hazel does.

Today I learned that primer is pronounced, ‘primmer’ when used as a preview of something. I have been mispronouncing that for 46 years.

It’s like those veteran suicide awareness commercials, but instead of some jarhead, they send in Bill Burt and “Hardy.”

Barstool Tofu is still alive and well.

Robert Saleh’s defense loves undersized interior penetrators.

I put a spell on you
Because you’re mine
Stop the things you tell
Watch out, I ain’t lyin’.

Yeah, I can’t stand it
No runnin’ around
I can’t stand it
No, put me down.

I put a spell on you
Because you’re mine, oh yeah
Stop the things you do
Watch out, I ain’t lyin’.

Pets are the best so you just have to give them the best life possible while you can and let them live forever in your memories.

Fun Fact: Point shaving in the WNBA is called point waxing.

Pats should sign Jerod Mayo to a one-day contract and immediately cut him.

Honk if you remember the F/V Andrea Gail.

Or maybe Barstool is like Al-Qaeda: One leader dies, they’re automatically replaced. Seamless transition.

TreyVeyon got his touches! Now what to complain about?

If Hogdale is streaming to ten people during a normal game, I wonder what was happening in the 18th inning the other night.

Another reminder MLB should have emergency backup pitchers in the stands. EBUPs.

I can’t remember a Sunday night when I didn’t think Cris Collinsworth is an asshole. Last Sunday was not one of them.

Sad about Logan Mankins. Maybe Speros stole his donor kidney?

Why on Earth is Marlins Man still a thing? Go away already. It’s played out.

Best bet for the weekend: zero bags of leftover candy.

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Joe Giza, Old Friends Hacksaw & Yahtzee, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. Happy Halloween, ladies. (laughs) Nuns. No sense of humor.

*And happy Birthday to actress Winona Ryder, who puts one on a Halloween frame of mind.*

10/15/2025 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

Posted on October 15, 2025 by scartsy15 Leave a comment

I really wish pitchers still hit in the National League.

Imagine hiring Bill Belichick and being surprised he comes off as arrogant.

I am not ready for a world where Fred Warner had a horrific injury.

Dondero said that the defense and the running backs are in the back of the bus, while Maye and Vrabel are driving the bus. I don’t know if that’s a great analogy.

Hazel Mae did a spectacular job in that champagne storm the other night.

The trend of baseball players wearing Village People moustaches can’t end fast enough.

Non-meniscus injury Jaylen is way better.

Look at Pasta. Look at him. He’s the captain now.

Cakes are cooking for Willie O’Ree, Haim Saban, Jim Palmer, Richard Carpenter, Chris De Burgh, Joe Klecko, Jere Burns, Cathy Ladman, Kevin Harrington, Emeril Lagasse, Sarah Ferguson Duchess of York, Todd Solondz, Jorge Campos, Didier Deschamps, Dominic West, Fred Hoiberg, Ginuwine, Elena Dementieva, Keyshia Cole, Jessie Ware, Jesse Levine, and Anthony Joshua.

Yeah? Well, Optum is in first place for meet & greets, and has been for a while.

Late update to this: source says former Jaguars data scientist Claire Morrison is now an employee of the Vikings.

Sal Frelick just proved once again that you can never go wrong with a Boston College man.

No way Joe Flacco has only played for six teams.

Not many songs can pick your spirits up as quickly as Fats Domino singing the vastly underrated Walter Donaldson’s 1927 classic “My Blue Heaven.”

Drake Maye looks like the coolest of all the cucumbers out there today.

Watched this lady on tiktok pronounce penne as “peh-nay” before pouring her jarred sauce on her overcooked pasta and I almost launched myself into the sun.

Hey Cha Cha Malachi, this week’s Phrase that Pays is, a tie! “Oh, I guess that’s what that noise was,” and “It was dark, so I didn’t see anything.”

Imagine being so old your father was fired by Pop Warner.

Green Line Update: Service between Government Center, Union Square, and Medford/Tufts continues to stand by while personnel address the disabled train. Riders downtown should continue to use the Orange Line for alternate service.

Did I mention that in addition to visiting in all 50 states, and sleeping in all 50 states, I have been to a sporting event in all 50 states, plus Puerto Rico and the U. S. Virgin Islands?

Ahmad Rashad chooses better friends than Bill Belichick.

Teoscar Hernandez makes it clear he doesn’t believe in ghosts, but his wife does, so they have switched hotels in downtown Milwaukee.

Day is ending
birds are wending
Back to the shelter of
Each little nest they love.

Nightshades falling
lovers calling
What makes the World go round
Nothing but love

When whippoorwills call
And evening is nigh
I hurry to my
Blue Heaven.

I turn to the right
A little white light
Will lead you to my
Blue Heaven.

News Item: Research done by UTEP presents evidence that the Chiefs have benefited from slanted officiating from 2015 to 2023, a time that coincided with their rise as one of the NFL’s most marketable franchises.

The Bills didn’t have another ‘Damar Hamlin’ ready in time?

Gary Striewski and Randy Scott are very good with colors.

College kids from UNC think they scored with a Mark Farinella interview.

It’s going to suck when Seattle gets swept by the Dodgers.

Honk if you remember the 1987 NFL strike.

I swear it’s getting darker out earlier and earlier.

Are the Las Vegas Aces a dynasty? It’s quite possible, considering the particular and knowable number of Championships they have won.

Go check out free agency, Breggy. We won’t mind.

You did it, Humpy!

Rest up, sciatica is no joke, Lumbago King LeBron.

Best bet for the weekend: There’s only one answer- The Head of the Charles Regatta. Cya on the weekend thread.

*Super Sky Paws to Mercury the Football Cat. Never to be forgotten.*

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Joe Giza, Old Friend Lefty, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. I ran out of gas. I… I had a flat tire. I didn’t have enough money for cab fare. My tux didn’t come back from the cleaners. An old friend came in from out of town. Someone stole my car. There was an earthquake. A terrible flood. Locus. It wasn’t my fault. I swear to god!

*And a happy belated 50th birthday to Bianca de la Garza, here seen tripping the light fantastic at her b-day bash with America’s Mayor, Rudy G.*

10/01/2025 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

Posted on October 1, 2025 by scartsy15 Leave a comment

If the New York Yankees had won last night Karl Ravech was going to drive non-stop to Cooperstown and hand deliver the game footage to the Baseball Hall of Fame.

The Patriots are arguably the best 2-2 team in the AFC East.

Oh, I know how get-off-my-lawnish this may sound, but the fuss about a Super Bowl halftime show eludes me. Just give me a good marching band.

It took all of Europe’s best golfers playing out of their minds to just barely beat the scrappy US Ryder Cup squad. I hope they’re very proud for that.

Oh, you know, that old New England seaside tradition, “ringing the fog bell?”

Can you imagine Kendra Middleton eating fried dough at the Topsfield Fair? The zaniness would be off the charts! LOL

The Raiders let the Bears block the kick so no one would say Tom Brady’s classified intel helped them win.

Humiliating Mut is my favorite Barstool thing ever.

Watching the Wild Card game reminds me that the late Larry Johnson could not freehand draw the Yankees logo. At all.

Cakes are cooking for Julie Andrews, Rod Carew, Stephen Collins, Randy Quaid, Earl Slick, Larry Miller, Jeff Reardon, Leslie Burr-Howard, Theresa May, Martin Cooper, Michelle Bauer, Youssou N’dour, Elizabeth Dennehy, Esai Morales, Mark McGwire, Roberto Kelly, Cliff Ronning, Christopher Titus, Mike Pringle, Scot Young, Zach Galifianakis, Rudi Johnson, Johnny Oduya, Matt Cain, and Brie Larson.

Seth, Good luck on your Book. I wrote in my Book that the two most important positions in America are the President and the Quarterback.

I’m convinced the Sullivan Tire Guy is Greater Boston’s Jimmy Savile.

All Lynn Ferry service is cancelled for the remainder of today, October 1, due to rough seas

Tyreek Hill’s leg snapped easier than a three-year old’s arm. What?

Hey gang of stackers, this week’s Phrased that Pays is, “Mut just got cucked by Hogdale.”

That Ceddanne at bat against Weaver was one of the coolest things my eyes have ever seen. Like seeing a minotaur.

Fun Fact: ‘The Fog Belles’ was the name of the San Francisco 49ers first cheerleading squad.

How does a car race go to overtime?

Ravech acting like Judge playing right field on roller skates is making plays out there like he’s Willie Mays.

I’ll say it again: if you want to be a creator, don’t let brands exploit you. A massive food company just asked me to eat something so spicy it required a safety waiver and for zero pay. I’ve been doing this for 10 years and still get offers like this. No one will advocate for you but you. If a brand says, ‘no compensation, just community,’ the answer is NO. They don’t get to use your image for clicks and their gain for none of your own, because I promise they have the budget. The end.

Fire Country is at least an actual phrase. Sheriff Country makes no sense.

Red Sox Alumni News: Nice to see Francona bring the Reds to the playoffs. Ely De La Cruz is a fun player to watch. Rafi Devers played 163 games this season. Gary Allenson is still alive.

Cam has good rabbit-killing hands.

Zooey Deschanel looks completely different without bangs.

I’m jk I know this usually means a retirement tour or whatever but I have declared the Kings my punching bag of the year.

If you leave, don’t leave now
Please don’t take my heart away
Promise me just one more night
Then we’ll go our separate ways
We’ve always had time on our sides
Now it’s fading fast
Every second, every moment
We’ve got to, we’ve gotta make it last

I touch you once, I touch you twice
I won’t let go at any price
I need you now like I need you then
You always said we’d still be friends someday

I always knew Nick Sogard and Nate Eaton would be big for the Red Sox in the playoffs.

Honk if you remember ‘Memphis Seoul.’

Portland Heart of Pine playing on a field with both football and soccer markings is confusing.

Smokey Joe Wood? He was a problem.

Live is one of the few bands actually worse than Nirvana.

Happy trails, Al Horford. You will be missed.

I can’t name one Zac Bryan or Eric Church song, and I’m guessing neither can Gerry Callahan.

The Ryder Cup Envelope Rule?

Best bet for the weekend: early whiteout conditions in Buffalo. Check for Skyway closure announcements!

*Douglas, Henry, & Diggs could get used to winning.*

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Joe Giza, Old Friend Hacksaw, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. Souma Yergon, Sou Nou Yergon. We are shakin’ the tree.

*And happy Birthday to model and actress Cindy Margolis, the one-time ‘Most Downloaded Person in the world’*

09/24/2025 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

Posted on September 24, 2025 by scartsy15 Leave a comment

Oh, good the new 2004 Red Sox documentary has JFK and forced busing in it. I was scared they were going to leave those out.

Not sure if Coach Parcells should be purchasing green bananas when he goes to buy the groceries.

Jayson Tatum is now a spokesperson for Vertex Pharmaceuticals after using their new non-opioid pain drug, Journavx, following Achilles surgery. The FDA approved the drug earlier this year.

omfg it just dawned on me that we have a fantastic chance of getting a Lyss v Nai WNBA Finals, and if that wouldn’t be the best thing ever, I don’t even know what to say anymore.

Whenever there’s a Minihane live show, do the Minifans pick a Designated Survivor?

Red Sox are 5-2 now in minor league ballparks this season.

Jeff Hardy is aging in dog years.

Pats wore the throwback uniforms. Edelman rang the lighthouse bell; what more were they supposed to do?

Cakes are cooking for Joe Greene, Jerry Donahue, Gorgon Clapp, Emilio Castillo, Kristina Wayborn, Joseph P. Kennedy II, Hubie Brooks, Brad Bird, Kevin Sorbo, Allen Bestwick, Mike Phelan, Nia Vardalos, Rafael Palmeiro, Sean McNabb, Bernard Gilkey, Kevin Koslofski, Shawn Crahan, Megan Ward, Eddie George, Kyle Turley, Stephanie McMahon, Daniele Bennati, Drew Gooden, Ryan Briscoe, Paul Hamm, and Lisa Wang.

Alex Cora told the media Payton Tolle will pitch out of the bullpen for the remainder of the season.

2/3 of Irsay’s daughters… WOULD.

The homeless Athletics came into your house and beat YOU!

Fitchburg Line Diversion Reminder: Saturday, Sept. 27th & Sunday, Sept. 28th Red & Green Line subway service will replace regular Commuter Rail service between North Station and Porter. This allows for North Station Terminal Area Signal System Improvement work.

You HAVE to tag Jerry Thornton when you get a divorce. No way around it.

I have to wonder if Sal still would have created cancel culture all those years ago if he could have foreseen how it would eventually be used.

Bruins scoring goals in bunches, nice to see, even in preseason.

Tried to use AI to put together my fantasy football lineup for this weekend. Complete trash. Everyone’s jobs are safe.

‘I don’t want the bass loaded anymore?’ What an idiot Lou Meloni is. The term is ‘loaded diamond.’

Zolak’s pronunciation of “Steelers” isn’t triggering at all.

Hey mean and not for everyone gang, this week’s Phrase that Pays is, “It’s nothing scandalous, it’s just some broad on the internet.”

Wyomissing translates from the Lenape to ‘brook full of trull.’

I hope years of forced bicoastal living won’t place undue strain on Attorney Jackson’s marriage.

Dallas Braden seems like if Pat McAfee was in the Lumineers.

What if I don’t like Millwall? What then?

It’s almost like sportswriting attracts a disproportionate number of talentless losers.

Kirk Minihane might be retarded.

You’ve got “toss the egg yolk” money in this economy? Must be nice.

Walked into a strange cafe
No one there’s ever heard my name
Go to the bar, have a seat
Talk to that woman sittin’ next to me

She ask me in a voice so low,
She ask me if I come in here alone.
She ask me nicely, “Can I buy you a drink?”
You know I think she likes me, that’s what I think,
I think she likes me, that’s what I think.

Can someone who has covered the NFL longer than I explain why all nine Patriots-Steelers games from 1981 to 1995 were in Pittsburgh? Was there no rhyme or reason to NFL scheduling? Just going off vibes?

Kay Adams debuting the ‘bait for a gang initiation beatdown’ look is certainly a bold decision.

Kenny Anderson: wash cloth user.

Honk if you remember NASCL’s Enemies List.

I bet if they try even harder the media can make one more person care about the Tom Brady “conflict of interest” storyline.

Vocal fry in a male is very off-putting.

Whenever Donald Trump comes after one of Bill Simmons’ friends he stops talking about Belichick. So who’s to say whether him forcing ABC to cancel Jimmy Kimmel is a bad thing or not.

Also, I really wanna go 100% on this but…I can’t cancel Disney+…I just can’t. Marvel has a hold on me. Disney/Pixar movies have a hold on me. Shit, Hulu does somewhat too. And now with WWE moving their PLE’s there? Ugh. I’m sorry. I’m still 99% with everyone though!

It’s good to be on the good side of the crazy coworker.

Ramondre knows he has to be better!

Rub some dirt on it, David Fry. Walk it off. You’re okay.

Can you imagine Kendra Middleton going to the Big E? Hahahahaha zoinks!!

Best bet for the weekend: New England improves to 2-2.

*Bruce Allen Jr, the indispensable founder of the Boston Sports Media Watch website. A good man, a kind man, a tall man. Taken from us too soon*. *He will be greatly missed.*

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Joe Giza, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. Walk, Don’t Run.

*And there’s some leftover cake in the break room from THE BUTCHIE’S birthday yesterday.*

“Where are my blue cupcakes!?”

Don, it’s RAH SHERSHONNAH, so a SHONER TOVER to you and yours. And just so you know, the only state I’ll recognize is RED SOX NATION!

09/03/2025 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

Posted on September 3, 2025 by scartsy15 Leave a comment

*Let’s go RED Sox! (weird Tom Werner cadence)*

All the cvnts who were performatively rooting for TCU Monday are the same ones who told us they were just being unbiased for years.

“The diamond is loaded” is absolutely a thing that people say.

I already want Tommy DeVito and his greasy butt plug of a manager dead.

All these years Boston sports fans hated Peyton Manning. Now they love Payton Pritchard and Payton Tolle. Amazing what swapping out an E for an A will do.

The next Jordon Hudson joke is going to be the funny one; I can feel it.

Brennan Bernardino looks like Noel Gugliemi.

They gave his radio show to a puffy whore. They took away his casino access. They made him angry. And you don’t make Dan Lifshatz angry.

Cakes are cooking for Dick Motta, Al Jardine, Dave Eichelberger, Valerie Perrine, Eric Bell, Don Brewer, Steve Jones, Costas Mandylor, Spike Feresten, Charlie Sheen, Chris Gatling, Luis Gonzalez, Keith Traylor, Martin Straka, Damon Stoudamire, Jevon Kearse, Garrett Hedlund, Shaun White, Dominic Thiem, Kaia Gerber, and Eileen Gu.

Jimmy Bulger would have turned 95 today too, Danny. But as the Bard wrote, “violent delights have violent ends.”

Hey gang of three-color carbonless invoice enthusiasts, this week’s Phrase that Pays is, “Do you have other plans today, or is that it?”

Old, white guys really love coffee.

The home run leader in the American League and the National League are both from the Cape Cod League. You’re welcome.

Green Line D Branch Reminder: Through September 11 Shuttle buses are replacing service between Kenmore and Riverside for maintenance work. Express shuttles are operating between Newton Highlands and Copley.

You know it’s a big event when Blake Snell shows up.

People from New England that use y’all should be shot in the face.

Someone please give James Gunn a hug and tell him how proud they are about how many obscure comic book characters he knows.

Nobody sweats enough to need 5000+ mgs of sodium a day.

Lays knows how to make potato chips, their Sour Cream & Onion and Barbecue flavors especially.

On May 13, 2004, the Boston Red Sox were blown out 12-6 by the Toronto Blue Jays and got passed for first place in the AL East by the New York Yankees. Roman Anthony was born that day. The rest is history.

I love when people pretend not understand why Irish-American Catholics root for Notre dame. So silly!

My dad is going to hang himself because my mom will watch the auto-previews on Netflix for hours and not pick anything to actually watch.

Good job, rookie Oriental golfer lady.

Noel Gugliemi is an American actor best known for his portrayals of Southern Californian gangsters.

Matt Patricia rolling out an overload sim with Caleb Downs on the line paired with a coffee house stunt the other way. Hooooo boy.

If the Sun moves to Boston, and assuming they adopt the Celtics colors and theme, they should absolutely be renamed the Banshees.

Not Luis Suarez!

Portugal is advancing to the next round of EuroBasket after a thrilling win following Neemias Queta’s ejection.

Roman has a strained oblique? Oh! Bleak!

Ay these edits on Tik Tok these days are on another level ! I don’t know what they are feeding these young hustlers but my goodness! Keep goin crazy!!!

Four young chiquitas in Omaha
A waitin’ for the band to return from the show
Feelin’ good, feelin’ right, it’s Saturday night
The hotel detective, he was outta sight

Now these fine ladies, they had a plan
They was out to meet the boys in the band
They said, “Come on dudes, let’s get it on”
And we proceeded to tear that hotel down.

I really feel like Saturdays are for Dr. Pepper ads and Sundays are for State Farm. Make it happen.

Woah, they released Buehler?

Honk if you remember the longest game in Fenway Park’s history, a 20 inning 8-7 loss to Seattle.

It’s time for Captain’s Skate at WARRIOR ICE ARENA already?

Well actually, Pete Rose is still not in the Baseball Hall of Fame, Mr. President.

Good for you, Jeff Howe. Way to wrest control from that dangerous spiral of six beers a week.

Tommy DeVito…we’re supposed to believe that this is a real person?

SportsChannel and NESN were $20/month on Continental Cablevision in the 80s. I paid for it with my paper route.

Wrexham has a midget.

With whom is Drake Maye getting his revenge? His elementary school teachers?

Kenny Anderson understands brand loyalty!

BC Eagles looking good early.

Best bet for the weekend: win or lose, no Gatorade bath for Coach Vrabes.

*You don’t need an official captain to hold a Captains’ Skate.*

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Joe Giza, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. We lose 80 minutes of daylight in September.

And happy birthday to statuesque Gold Medal-winning softball pitcher Jennie Finch.

08/27/2025 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

Posted on August 27, 2025 by scartsy15 Leave a comment

*Fake real Snoopy or real fake Snoopy? Here’s how to tell.*

Bill really should have done better with picks 29 thru 32 in the first round of the draft, caller.

I hope the young Red Sox players took note of Lowe’s textbook feet first slide into second on his double in the 7th.

Going to Philly for Kobe’s birthday is the ultimate “look at me” move.

Giving everyone a variation of the job title Dummy was a mistake on our part. The flow chart is very confusing.

Tim Hill of the New York Yankees has horse thief physiognomy.

John Dennis also gave himself over to a higher power in a Cracker Barrel parking lot.

Todd Choi just took to the official Fictional Friction account to dispel rumors he has retired from the band. It amazes me on a daily basis how much fake made up clickbait is out there every hour. And how many people believe it without considering the source and circulate it.

Not charging a error because the guy doesn’t touch the baseball is the dumbest logic on the planet.

Cakes are cooking for Chip Douglas, Tuesday Weld, G. W. Bailey, Barbara Bach, Charles Fleischer, Don Miguel Ruiz, Alex Lifeson, Peter Stormare, Derek Warwick, Robert Richardson, Bernhard Langer, Tom Ford, Downtown Julie Brown, Cesar Millan, Chandra Wilson, Jim Thome, Tony Kanal, Chris Imes, Mike Smith, Jonny Moseley, Mase, Sarah Chalke, Aaron Paul, Sarah Neufeld, Patrick J. Adams, and Breanna Stewart.

Why do dads NEVER sneeze at an appropriate volume?

The Miz deserves all his flowers, btw. Always entertaining. Solid matches. Main event. Mid card. Comedy. Ambassador. He’s valuable. #SmackDown

So Felger doesn’t talk to Jim Murray off the air? Stick tap to Mike for that.

Worcester Line Train 510 (5:45 am from Worcester) will terminate at Framingham today. Passengers will be accommodated by the next inbound train to depart Framingham Train 1512 (6:35 am from Framingham) will make all local stops.

The Moreno family in Saniago says hi.

Masataka Yoshida means ‘slow dribbler’ in Japanese.

Hey gang of yoked weirdos, this week’s Phrase that Pays is, “Yeah, go power wash the trees, I don’t give a fuck, just leave us alone.”

Someone told Fred Toucher that black is slimming and he just fucking ran with it.

A kid tangentially related to the Anaheim Ducks died of brain cancer. Shukri will be his biggest mourner once he finds out who this guy was.

physiognomy is just a phenomenal descriptor.

Whenever I see service dogs, they seem way happier than I would be if I were in their paws. If I were a dog I’d want to be lazy all day, the last thing I’d want to do is work. But I reckon they’re thrilled because it means they’re always included.

Has anyone in in history said, “man those lip fillers are hot”?

Red Sox will open the 2026 schedule in Cincinnati against the Reds March 26..

Vancouver – St Louis might have been the most fixed MLS game ever.

Kinda love Rajon Rondo forgoing his destiny of being an NBA coach to play flag football.

Love
Love will keep us together
Think of me, babe whenever
Some sweet-talking girl comes along
Singing his song
Don’t mess around
You just got to be strong

Just stop
‘Cause I really love you
Stop, I’ll be thinking of you
Look in my heart
And let love keep us together

I’m going to make this crystal clear for everyone in case it isn’t already: I cover Inter Miami. I am not a fan of Inter Miami. I report impartially on what the team does — whether it’s good, bad or in between. I’m not here to cheerlead, sugarcoat or do Inter Miami PR.

Honk if you remember Samuel Gompers.

If you get annoyed at the gym every day that’s on you at some point.

God don’t like ugly.

Am I supposed to know who the father/son guys are in the Gillette Labs razor commercial?

I love the in-game interviews with the ESL infielders.

Gotta feel for Shedeur & Shilo. Second generation professional athletes never can catch a break!

I’ll be honest, Mazz tweeting with replies turned off is a great troll job.

Neemias Queta. Owning.

It’s the 58th anniversary of Tartabull’s Throw. Good Red Sox fans know what that means.

Best bet for the weekend: college football being officially back with Week 1 action.

*We love BdlG but those sunglasses are wearing *her*.*

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. The summer’s out of reach.

And a happy birthday to American actress Alexa PenaVega.

08/20/2025 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

Posted on August 20, 2025 by scartsy15 Leave a comment

Haven’t the Jimmy Fund kids been through enough, why make them get interviewed by Dave O’Brien?

Steve Pagliuca is a class act who understood what it meant to represent our fandom as an owner on the NBA stage. I was disappointed he didn’t have the winning bid but this statement exudes the class he showed through his tenure as part owner. Thank you Pags!

ESPN shitting on the grave of Bert Bell will keep Upton Bell alive two more decades.

Say ‘there’s magic the the greens!’ a few more times TC.

Spending that beautiful Saturday inside because the Pats played at 1 is reminding me of all the awesome fall Sunday I’ll be inside all day because the Pats play at 1.

The coach’s challenges add to the quaint ambiance of the Little League World Series.

Watched the first episode of Hard Knocks with the Bills last night. Dion Dawkins spinning around in a race car with his young kids in the passenger seat is fucking insane. I need Felger to comment and get cancelled.

Apparently the Celtics marketing folks are trying to stay under the luxury tax as well.

Cakes are cooking for Don King, Dave Brock, Rich Brooks, Graig Nettles, Connie Chung, John Noble, Robert Plant, John Hiatt, Al Roker, Quinn Buckner, Joan Allen, Cindy Nicholas, Mark Langston, Duffy Waldorf, Jr., KRS-One, Andy Benes, Fred Durst, Ke Huy Kwan, Todd Helton, Misha Collins, Chris Drury, Andrew Garfield, Alex Newell, and Demi Lovato.

One thing Joe Burrow is going to do is stick with a drive mentally no matter what car wash he’s going through to get to the end zone and still score.

What’s the big deal here? Jesus is King.

Hey gang this week’s Phrase that Pays is, “As a mom of a boy, I need Donna Kelce to write a book on how to raise sons. INSTANT buy.”

The Cleveland Guardians are going to overtake the Red Sox despite selling at the trade deadline and having their relief ace intentionally lose.

Red Line: Delays of about 15 minutes due to a passenger requiring medical assistance at Harvard.

‘The Wheels on the Bus’ might be the most misogynistic song ever. All the women repeatedly tell their children “shhh” all through the town while the men adoringly say “I love you” to the kids instead. Truly a sad and misguided take on women’s relationships with their young boys and girls.

Ricardo Quaresma looks like he’s running for mayor of Swansea.

Back at the mirror, your good friend
Talkin’ to the mirror to play out your game
Stop in the middle, I stop then
Look at the winner and the price you pay
Mmm

Cold was the winter, I tremble
Long was the fall that had no end
Now little by little, the air clears
Little by little, I can breathe, I can breathe again

I can breathe again
I can breathe again now
Call your name, call your name
Call your name, call your name
Everything changes, everything changes
I call your name.

Paul Pierce said there was an “intense moment” between Kevin Garnett and Kendrick Perkins during a team meeting during the 2008-09 season.

A pitta me, carpe diem, de facto, it goes on and on like that, eck cetera.

OK new cellphone, maybe you have a point not liking the dollar store car charger. My bad.

The 2019 movie The Vault was pretty good, but the soundtrack was exemplary.

Lou Damn Merloni talking over and explaining cancer to a (checks notes) Oncology Specialist isn’t triggering at all.

I would go to a Big Head Todd and the Monsters show any day of the week.

The McCourty Twins as commentators for the Pats preseason is like getting one for the price of two! Because they sound the same.

Honk if you remember swimmer Janet Evans.

Do you tip at full-service gas stations?

Red Sox third base coach Kyle Hudson was probably thinking about how Braintree got eliminated from the LLWS when he held the runner.

Get well soon Sophie Cunningham.

I’m sure Upton will be happy when ESPN resolves the situation by issuing a 2 A.M. apology. Once.

When did they take Monument Park out of Williamsport?

A compelling case could be made for a polar bear effectively taking on an adult male elephant.

Best bet for the weekend: Coast Guard Search & Rescue missions.

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Joe Giza, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. She says your voice cannot command.

*And happy birthday to American actress Amy Adams. Alliteration!*

08/13/2025 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

Posted on August 13, 2025 by scartsy15 Leave a comment

YOU got smoked off white wine spritzers and tried to ride YOUR bike, caller. You did!

Should have used some of last nights runs during the losing skid, Red Sox.

The statue looks like Tom and is the head is properly proportioned. Knock it off.

So the Celtics can say “Happy birthday, Cooz” and it’s cool, but if I say it to my wife, she gets mad.

I enjoy the yearly ritual of seeing how much fatter Zolak got since last preseason.

‘Swedish Electrician’ sounds like a sex move. “I don’t recommend trying the Swedish Electrician with your wife if you’ve got a bad hip!”

I might be an old man but the sneakers with a suit is infuriating.

Love that the social media girl for the NHL’s 25th best team is being feted like a dying Lou Gehrig.

Nice to see the Astros wearing the OXY patch in honor of Rear Admiral.

Celtics Governorship Drama szn.

Cakes are cooking for Jocelyn Elders, Gary Davidson, Janet Yellin, Bobby Clarke, Jeff Altman, Betsy King, Hideo Fukuyama, David Feherty, Danny Bonaduce, Tom Niedenfuer, Koji Kondo, John Slattery, Debi Mazar, Jay Buhner, Mark Lemke, Elvis Grbac, Kevin Plank, Sherman Williams, Corey Patterson, Sebastian Stan, Boone Logan, Steve Perrault, and DeMarcus Cousins.

With pads on, Will Campbell looks like a football player.

The CEO of the OXY corporation must be like, “Why do we have to change our name when it’s the massive drug epidemic that sucks?”

Hey gang of qualified sports insiders, this week’s Phrase that Pays is, “Well, the games this weekend will certainly be interesting.”

Do I already have ‘Stretch’ fatigue?

Blue Line Reminder: Through August 17. Shuttle buses are replacing service between Airport and Wonderland for infrastructure upgrades, trackwork, and station improvements. Riders should allow extra time during this work.

Arrighetti sounds like spaghetti with arrabbiata sauce.

I replaced my underwear inventory with all under armour boxer jock. They are great. And then for running / lifting i have the UA compression shorts. Also outstanding.

Paul Perillo has the skin of an ’84 Lebaron convertible top.

Superfan Cam probably sat up in his shitty bed like Dick Hallorann when the psychic wave of Felger’s fall hit him.

RKK’s speechwriter should have axed the ‘passing precision’ phrase.

All broads think about is making videos of themselves.

Stop wasting my time
You know what I want
You know what I need
Or maybe you don’t
Do I have to come right flat out and tell you everything?

Gimme some money
Gimme some money

Have fun and play hard against the Irmo, South Carolina squad, Braintree Little Leaguers.

I’m just now realizing that the Pats have a running back room led by players whose last names end in -son: Rhamondre StevenSON TreVeyon HenderSON Antonio GibSON, And they would have had another if Lan LariSON hadn’t been placed on IR!

St. Hubbins was patron saint of quality footwear.

I miss Jerry Remy adding R’s to words and names that didn’t have R’s in the spots of those pronunciations.

Honk if you remember Danny Almonte.

You would have to have a heart of stone not to laugh at the Super Bowl XLIX excerpt from Michael-Shawn Duggar’s book about the Seahawks.

Mike in Woburn is gonna have a heart attack. And then he’ll probably have another one when he hears the Felger news.

You can powerbomb people in UFC?

The heat bugs must be loving this weather. Because of the heat.

Nevada Supreme Court ruled in favor of Jon Gruden. But watch ol’ Roger Goodell elude this one, too.

Eye Column Item: Kayla Burton is dating Pats special teams coordinator Jeremy Springer.

Well done, Boston Crusaders Drum & Bugle Corps. DCI Champions.

The same people who in January can’t tell me if it will snow tomorrow are all over this hurricane coming in over a week.

Best bet for the weekend: New England’s prseason march toward relevance continues in Minnesota.

*Some people (and AIs) don’t know what they’re doing. I think that’s how you have to look at it.*

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Joe Giza, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. Welcome back Carmine.