Tag Archives: Hockey

02/26/2025 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

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“Teddy ‘Cancer Face’ O’Neil was once one of the most feared men in South Boston. Now, however, with his body worn down from a 35-year battle with melanoma and lupus, he discusses what it was like to be a member of the Winter Hill Gang.”

I say the Competition Committee should reach a compromise: ban the Tush Push but keep The Brotherly Shove.

Walking around Montreal during/after a blizzard is a great workout.

Do birds like cheese?

They might have support groups for those who listen to spring training baseball on the radio.

Garden crowds are the best.

Let’s be real. The Canadian flag would make for a terrible bikini.

St. John’s is the best hoops team in New York.

A belated R.I.P. to figure skating legend Dick Button. He is survived by his partner, Clit Zipper.

Cakes are cooking for Bill Duke, Mitch Ryder, Michael Bolton, Connie Carpenter-Phinney, Joe Mullen, Dave Palone, J.T. Snow, Meeno Peluce, Sasha Danilovic, Erykah Badu, Jenny Thompson, Marshall Faulk, Chad Urmston, Corinne Bailey Rae, Katherine Hull Kirk, and Li Na.

The first a capella “Sweet Caroline” of the year always gets me.

Dan Lifshatz and Kendra Middleton have the chemistry of a Hollywood producer and the young actress he violates on the casting couch.

Hey gang of haters, this week’s Phrase that Pays is, “I’m gonna go ahead and take the under.”

Patrick Schwarzenegger is on ‘The White Lotus?’ Any relation?

Blue Line: Delays of about 10 minutes while Signal personnel perform maintenance between Maverick and Airport. Trains may stand by at stations.

Bill Simmons invented the documentary.

Imagine being mad the NY Yankees did away with their stupid appearance policy.

In the future, everyone will be Ted Sarandis for fifteen minutes.

Matthew Stafford’s exploration of his market value the last few weeks has indeed attracted significant interest from teams, notably the Raiders and the Giants, per sources. Teams are anticipating the Rams will now be driving up the asking price if they decide to move him.

Statistically, Nelson Cruz and Giancarlo Stanton are pretty much the same player.

The Oscars have to be the Super Bowl for Twitter.

Who’s has more fatalities since 1975: SNL cast members or Pittsburgh Steelers linemen?

Shout out Portugal!

The Yankees will no longer play Frank Sinatra’s “Theme from New York, New York” after losses, the club confirmed. Instead, there will be a rotating selection of songs — Sinatra’s “That’s Life” was played today.

Wearin’ her perfume, Chanel no. 5
Got to be the finest girl alive.
She walks real cool, catches everybody’s eye.
She’s got such good lovin’ that they can’t say goodbye.
Not too skinny, she’s not too fat.
She’s a real humdinger and i like it like that.
She’s the devil with the blue dress, blue dress, blue dress,
Devil with the blue dress on.
Devil with the blue dress, blue dress, blue dress,
Devil with the blue dress on.

Sixers have like four guys going with the Frederick Douglass cut.

Honk if you remember Margo Adams.

Johnny Cash is overrated.

Does Pete Blackburn have the Little Sads?

I was kinda hoping Diana Taurasi would delay her retirement announcement long enough to deprive another player deserving of a spot in the next Olympics.

The 4 Nations Face-off? A cute, fun tournament, but doesn’t compare to the Miracle on Ice.

Dan Hurley knows he can shut the fuck up every now and then, right?

Also, Jay Glazer has devolved into a Dick Tracy villain or the henchman of some megalomaniac.

Emily Kaplan, is she Amish?

Everyone look at Gronk. He needs attention.

I can handle a couple seasons of a rebuild, Bruins. Do what you gotta do.

Best bet for the weekend: more load management for Cooper Flagg.

Headband game!

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Bill James, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. Because you’re mine. I walk the line.

And a happy birthday to Aussie actress & model Teresa Palmer.

02/20/2025 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

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If Canada loses, they have to take Rear Admiral from us.

What’s your suggestion as to how to fix the NBA All-Star Game? Let us know in the comments.

Alex Bregman a Red Sox? PTT!

My brain keeps autocorrecting Torrey Craig to Torey Krug.

Is everyone related to Patrick Mahomes a complete embarassment?

More people being shot at the Kansas City Super Bowl parade than at the Philadelphia celebration proves Tom Brady isn’t the GOAT.

Put a bounty on Joel Armia, it’s what Reg Dunlop would have done.

Not to go full Dondero, but LeBron James has been a lousy steward for the sport during his career.

Cakes are cooking for Buffy Sainte-Marie, Clyde Wright, Phil Esposito, Andrew Bergman, Sandy Duncan, Billy Zoom, Patty Hearst, Joel Hodgson, Charles Barkley, Ian Brown, French Stewart, Jeff Maggert, Andrew Shue, Lili Taylor, Liván Hernández, Stephon Marbury, Chelsea Peretti, Lauren Ambrose, Justin Verlander, Rihanna, Kristóf Milák, and Olivia Rodrigo.

I’m a little late to this, but I just want to congratulate Greg Bedard on defeating Awaken 180.

I was gonna hit up a Wednesday yard sale, but I have a wedding to go to.

Jayson Tatum, who has a “Hitch” tattoo, wants to be in the sequel with Will Smith and Kevin James.

Green Line Reminder: Feb. 22-23 No train service between North Station and Babcock St (B), Kenmore (C+D), & Heath St (E) due to maintenance. Use buses for service to Copley/Back Bay. Use Orange Line between Back Bay and North Station.

Hardpressed to find a normal weather situation I wouldn’t take over this nonsense.

The most insufferable corner of the internet right now are the dudes eating their meals on wooden cutting boards and acting like they’re Jesus Christ.

Rafael Devers looks like a kid from a country that received some ‘Chiefs Super Bowl LIX Champions’ t-shirts, but he didn’t get one because all they had were mediums.

Great part of #FourNations is the young hoppers listening to kick-ass old-school rock tunes.

Imagine saying hello on Twitter to Ed Harding.

Like what mid chicks do to boost their looks, always hire a lawyer fatter than you are. It’s very slimming.

Lots of things valued at $182 are given away for one dollar!

Hey gang of alliteratives, this week’s Phrase that Pays is, “I have been nothing but creepy and aggressive to you. Please respond.”

Has Triston met Jordon?

I don’t know, maybe the guy who’s on the cover of the video game box is more famous than the guy who’s allegedly famous for playing the video game.

So Elon knocked up Sophia Jurksztowicz, right? What other explanation is there?

The loss of Eric Bieniemy finally came back to haunt the Chiefs.

For what it’s worth: TD Garden is not preparing for a presidential visit for the championship game between the United States and Canada.

This went over more heads than the history of clouds.

Thanks for asking, but I could never be a US Senator. I don’t have a cool name like “Barasso” or “Klobuchar”. Also I don’t dress well enough. Also I am a few million $ short. And too old. But thanks for asking. OK, nobody asked.

BLEHHHH! Dead father!! BLEHHHHH!!!

Guy why do you have a picture of my back on your Sports List?

Lonnie Walker IV has agreed to a two-year, $3 million deal with the Philadelphia 76ers, his agent George S. Langberg of GSL Sports Group told ESPN. Walker has played for Zalgiris Kaunas in the Euroleague and had an NBA-out in his deal. He now enters his 7th NBA season.

The delay-of-game warning remains the worst rule in sports. All you’re doing is delaying the game further just to announce that you don’t approve of people delaying the game.

Globe Pitchbot makes Jerry Thornton look like Patrice O’Neal.

Lavar Ball reportedly had his foot amputated after suffering a serious medical issue. Those Big Baller Brand sneakers must have been awful.

You fella, you tearing up the street.
You wear that white tuxedo, how you gonna beat the heat?
Do you take me for a fool?
Do you think that I don’t see,
That ditch out in the valley that they’re digging just for me?

Yes, I’m going insane.
You know I’m laughing at the frozen rain.
And I feel like I’m so alone.
Honey, when they gonna send me home?

Bad sneakers and piña colada, my friend
Stomping on the avenue by Radio City with a
Transistor and a large sum of money to spend..

Mark Farinella looks like a guy who emits an unpleasant odor.

Feds can only ‘swoop in,’ much like how a franchise tag can only be ‘slapped’ on a Patriots player.

Honk if you remember Anderson-Little.

Instead of booing the Canadian National anthem, the US crowd should theatrically yawn and ostentatiously check their watches.

Miguel Tejada is the Vern Stephens of the 21st Century.

Pranav Gil is an innocent man.

Saturday Night Live over 50 seasons has had 15 cast members die? Seems low. The Iroquois has lost at least that many deckhands.

You’ll DH and you’ll like it you pudgy malcontent.

Best bet for the weekend: more slow jams in the weight room.

Tatum would rather read a fucking shampoo bottle than participate in conversation with those two dipshits.

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Bill James, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. I’ll take advantage while You hang me out to dry. But I can’t see you every night. Free.

And a happy birthday to Cindy Crawford, American supermodel.

01/29/2025 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

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Looks good to me! I smell a Three-peat!

Was the Bills AFCCG loss karma for playing to lose in Week 18? I’m just asking the question!

You can either score only two goals, or give up two hat tricks, but not both, Bruins.

It’s so refreshing that coaches are leaving established positions to join Vrabel. Meanwhile Mayo was dumpster diving for coordinators.

I actually think Ted Johnson will help WEEI finally beat Felger and Mazz. He just needs to marry them first.

Chasing points in the first half is like teaching suicide pilots how to land.

Liam Coen has British comedy troupe physiognomy. ‘Whose O-Line is It Anyway?’

The only rating Fitzy will draw is with a magic marker and an easel when he transitions to prop comedy.

And one more: The Afternoon Show has three hosts and they’re still short staffed!

Cakes are cooking for Claudine Longet, Donna Caponi, Tom Selleck, Marc Singer, Ann Jillian, Max Carl, Louie F. Pérez, Jr., Oprah Winfrey, Irlene Mandrell, Judy Norton-Taylor, Greg Louganis, Steve Sax, Andre Reed, Dominik Hasek, Sean Burke, Edward Burns, Heather Graham, Jason Schmidt, Sara Gilbert, Jason James Richter, Adam Lambert, and Marc Gasol.

Has anyone tried unplugging the Bruins and plugging them back in…

Credit to ‘Tommy Freezepops’ for actually internalizing the ‘eat a salad once in a while’ insult. Some fellas at 98.5 FM should take notes.

Flagg has so many zits.

Hey, he’s John Havlicek’s grandson. That’s why. Johnny Havlicek, HS Jr. LHP in Jupiter, Fla., P in an exhibition in Tampa this weekend, fanned 4 of 1st 5 H he faced and is a kid to watch for college or draft next spring.

NFL Pro Bowl QB Drake Maye.

Green Line: Delays of about 10 minutes due to a signal problem at Park Street. Trains may stand by at stations.

The Super Bowl Is Gonna Be So Non-Bussin, only Louisa Day Hicks would approve.

Happy Lunar New Year, to those who celebrate.

Hey gang of sofa scouts and couch coordinators! This week’s Phrase that pays is, “no IDEA why Josh did not throw the orbit to Shakir.”

Mi papá odia tanto a Doris Burke que ve el partido de los Warriors en español.

I have zero confirmation of Doug Marrone to the Patriots. Due to my Syracuse ties I do have solid knowledge of him, but I’ll wait to confirm. No known ties to Mike Vrabel or Josh McDaniels

In the silver linings department, saving the Ninth Ward from an invasion of the two least housebroken fan bases is probably a good thing.

Jimmy Stewart has the body type you tell your kids not to stare at.

Sorry to lose you, Alyssa Thomas. Hopefully Phoenix knows the proper billing order is ‘WNBA Practice’, then ‘Toddler’s Birthday Party’.

You see it all around you.
Good lovin’ gone bad.
And usually it’s too late when you,
Realize what you had.

And my mind goes back to a girl I met,
Some years ago who told me:

Just hold on loosely, but don’t let go.
If you cling too tightly, you’re gonna lose control.
Your baby needs someone to believe in.
And a whole lot of space to breathe in.

Again, there’s nothing more rewarding in life than rooting for a second-generation professional athlete.

Why no Sun Chips, Market Basket?

North Carolina is converting Kenan Stadium back to natural grass under Bill Belichick, the school announced.

Honk if you remember the Celtics playing the Pistons before a then-record NBA crowd of 61,983 at the Pontiac Silverdome.

I know the time difference prevents the Australian Open from being a bigger story in the United States, but Madison Keys winning the 2025 women’s title deserves some love.

A week off was probably what Derrick White needed.

imagine telling someone in 1998 that Snoop Dog and Peyton Manning would have the same career arc.

‘Riley Larkin’ is an autogenerated 21st century white QB name.

First time I haven’t tied up my sky pencil holly to support snow load. Now, we haven’t had a ton nor the heavy wet stuff but they are managing. One downside of tying them i find they may get diseased easier from experience. Not positive though.

Did you feel the earthquake? Let us know in the comments.

Minor Cardinals transaction yesterday: they released RHP Victor Santos, who was half of the return for Tyler O’Neill. The other piece, Nick Robertson, did not make it through the season in the org last summer.

You can throw out the standings when UMass meets URI in a classic A-10 matchup. But the team with the better record is probably favored to win.

I grew into a lug nut allergy. Tragic.

I’m sure Jimmy Butler won’t be a piece of shit on his next team.

Best bet for the weekend: Boston Fleet return to their winning ways vs the NY Sirens. Epic! Homeric!

Bianca. For no reason other than she loves America and we love you.

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Bill James, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. Will the wolf survive?

And Happy Birthday to eight-time World Champion Surfer Australian Stephanie Gilmore. Eight!

7/3/24 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

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Oh no.

Wow, summer sports doldrums really set in this week, am I right, Michael? Heh heh heh.

Celtics just gonna set it up and run it again? Love to see it.

Matt Grzelcyk will be swapping out the NHL’s original Black and Gold for a different town’s black and gold. Enjoy the Three Rivers, Grizz. Charlestown is forever proud of you no matter. Best of luck, pal.

Just wait until our soccer players are playing in Europe then we’ll be a force to be reckoned with.

I guess Marketa Vondrousova has plenty of unplanned free time now to take in the sights and sounds of London town.

It’s okay Wyc. Lots of us don’t own a sports arena. Thanks for your stewardship of the team.

I am not a fan of all these advancements in AI. I’m worried more people are going to lose their jobs to robots. This World is moving all too fast for me and I just don’t trust AI unless it is being intended for good causes. Plus I hate that the lower-case L and capital i look the same in Twitter font. I’m having a tough time deciding if people are talking about AL or Ai.

Idiot holdouts denying me Supermax Jayson Tatum and Framingham Karen Read in the same week.

Portugal always has awesome uniforms.

Did I tune into day two of the NBA Draft or was that a Make-A-Wish documentary?

Cakes are cooking for Kurtwood Smith, Iain MacDonald-Smith (no relation), Betty Buckley, Dave Barry, Jan Smithers, Frank Tanana, Montel Williams, Stephen Pearcy, Hunter Tylo, Tom Cruise, Greg Vaughn, Moises Alou, Neil O’Donnell, Brian Cashman, Teppo Numminen, Audra MacDonald, Benedict Wong, Shawnee Smith, Teemu Selänne, Shane Lynch, Ludivine Sagnier, Sotirios Kyrgiakos, Olivia Munn, Sebastian Vettel, and Elle King.

One of the things I love about the NHL Draft is how, once round 2 starts, teams just announce picks right there from their tables. Rapid fire.

You know Red Sox fans, if the MLB playoffs started right now, that would be really odd seeing as they haven’t even played the All-Star Game yet.

Hey, gang of grifter ghosters! This week’s Phrase that Pays is, “I got, like, a bunch of felonies, like, that I’m facing. And like, I want them to go away.”

Cumberland Farms upping the coffee price every 6 months is so annoying. They’re not much cheaper than Dunkin anymore.

Don Sweeney? Absolute immunity! Sorrey!!

How many of you remember the expression “three hots and a cot?” Old Army guys would say they joined up to get three hot meals a day plus a place to sleep.

I never seen Lauri Markkanen rockin’ the Adidas slides with the gray Fubu sweatshorts. Ya dig?

‘Esplanade’ is a fun word.

Karen, you’ve really emboldened this bullied kid to talk more openly about shitting his pants.

If I can’t call Nikita Zadorov ‘Big Z’, I will instead call him, Baked Ziti! All abroad!

Take the T on the 4th of July: Subway: Saturday service to 3pm, then weekday. Bus: Sunday service. Commuter Rail & Ferry: Weekend service. FREE subway, bus, CR, and ferry after 9:30 PM.

Are the Free Jacks primed to Free-peat?

I hope NHL Commissioner Gary Bettman is doing okay health-wise. There appeared to be something off at both Game 7 of the Stanley Cup Final and last night at the NHL Draft. I am not a doctor and my opinion on this does not matter, but I hope he’s doing okay.

At least Martin Mull can be reunited with Shifty Shellshock.

There is a small but deadly population of Timber Rattlesnakes in the Greater Boston area, as well as other isolated parts of Massachusetts.

Xander Bogaerts (not playing) and Don Orsillo (as an opposing broadcaster) returning to Fenway Park for the first time really had me in my feels.

Do you think Alan Jackson lubes his cock before he fucks Karen Read in the ass, or does the anal leakage act as enough of a lubricant?

Elephants are famously large. Making larger than life sculptures of them seems like gilding the lily.

Six hardboiled eggs is a perfectly sane breakfast to eat on vacation.

I hope Jared Zero was able to watch the Celtics parade coverage from that nice farm he’s on in upstate New York.

There she stood in the street.
Smiling from her head to her feet.
I said, “Hey, what is this, now baby”, maybe,
Maybe she’s in need of a kiss

I said, “Hey, what’s your name, baby?
Maybe we can see things the same.”
Now don’t you wait or hesitate,
Let’s move before they raise the parking rate.

All right now, baby, it’s all right now.
All right now, baby, it’s all right now.
Let me tell you now.

People regarded Jordan & Pippen as a Batman & Robin situation as opposed to a Superman & Batman partnership and that affected how every other basketball duo was viewed in the past 35 years… Jayson Tatum & Jaylen Brown are more like Iron Man & War Machine or Cable & Deadpool.

Make one joke about an asteroid taking out a bunch a lunatics in pink shirts outside a courthouse and next thing ya know, one week twitter ban. Free speech yada yada yada.

Honk if you know the US President who was born on the Fourth of July.

Patriots just gonna set it up and run it again with Bill the GM’s players? Love to see it.

Gary Striewski signs multi-year extension with ESPN. But not during Pride Month?

76’ers collecting all the slugs. Trust that process.

I have a friend who screws up Rocket Man every time. Instead of “Burning out a fuse up here alone” he says “Burning out a fuse with Cheap Cologne” it drives me nuts.

FSG shoulda brought that Barstool whoah-personality in on Friday so Donny O could get a piece.

Fun Fact: the HP Hood Company maintains several stands of birch trees throughout all six New England states that eventually become the Hoodsie Cup’s iconic wooden spoons.

Know this: ‘Himno Nacional’ sounds like someone Peter Gammons tried to foist on us as a Very Special Person in the late 90s.

What an honor it must be to shake the hand of the deputy commissioner of the NBA at 4:42 on a Thursday afternoon when the Pacers pick you 36th overall.

When are the Bruins going to re-sign Swayman?

I hope that poor performance doesn’t affect the USMNT’s really real top 15 FIFA ranking.

Everybody knows about Joe DiMaggio. You’re a baseball fan if you can explain about Vince and Dom. You may need help is you know about Vince Jr.

Robots counting 18 munchkins would be wild.

Does anyone know a good Vancouver based sports marketing firm? Asking for Jake D.

The social media app is Twitter, the tall building at 200 Clarendon is the John Hancock, and people who own NBA franchises are Owners. GTFO with this governor nonsense.

We sure the Celtics didn’t mean to draft Creighton Scheierman from Baylor?

Some EXCITING news to share on the eve of long holiday weekend ahead: All three Rub Smoke Love rubs are now found in all Massachusetts Hannaford grocery stores!

Best bet for the weekend: Solarcaine.

A fine summer tradition.

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Bill James, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. I will be taking next week off for real. Something will run in this place. Enjoy the 4th.

BdlG wants you to know the beaches are open! Except for the closed ones.

5/8/24 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

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Plain B(lack) Hat. He’s back.

Shertenlieb to WZLX? Our short, regional nightmare is finally over. But will the wacky bits work sandwiched between Meatloaf and Molly Hatchet? Enjoy obscurity.

You all want Tatum to be a point guard. Don’t @ me.

Mmmm, meatloaf sandwich.

Upton Bell was still working in football the last time the Knicks won a title.

Boy that Gorman “goodnight,” huh? That’s one you don’t forget.

Watching Lohrei handle the puck immediately after Wotherspoon is hilarious. It’s like they play different sports.

Why are the refs so deferential to Denver? It makes zero sense.

Cakes are cooking for Gary Glitter, Chris Frantz, Mike D’Antoni, Philip Bailey, Alex Van Halen, Bill Cowher, Lovie Smith, Ronnie Lott, Melissa Gilbert, Omar Camporese, Hiromi Arakawa, Enrique Iglesias, Jussi Markkanen, Joe Bonnamassa, John Maine, Adrian Gonzalez, Kemba Walker, and Olivia Culpo.

Kobe anally raped a woman, but Pat Bev was mean to the middle-aged lady. He should leave.

The Mets are like the lottery one day you win big and the next day you lose a lot.

Jalen Brunson looks like Abby Chin without makeup.

They fired the reigning In Season Tournament winning coach? Odd. And sad.

Hey gang, this week’s Phrase that Pays is, “Are you going to spend vacation watching a trial on your phone?”

Macklin Celebrini? That’s not a hockey player name, that’s the name of an advertising agency.

It’s free to subscribe to Pat Bev’s podcast. That lady was just being difficult.

What do people even do with bookmarks?

Tatum is gonna have to take over one of these times and steal us a game. Or perhaps even steal us a series. Or neither, seeing as basketball is a team sport.

How much at auction would Darren pay for ‘genuine human emotions?’

Carlo has a kid – flies in late, plays, scores. Rudy Gobert has a kid- smokes weed, goes on the ‘Gram, misses game(s).

Hope Keith Foulke is happy that he lost a fan!

Red Line Reminder: May 11-12 (This Weekend) Shuttle Buses replace service between Broadway and North Quincy due to bridge and track work. Regular Red Line service will operate between Ashmont and JFK/UMass during this work.

Jamal Murray looks like an extra in Raid on Entebbe.

Carl Yastrzemski. I stood next to him once at a store. There were a handful of men there. None of us spoke to him, though he gave me a head nod. I know he is a man and yet somehow, we all knew that he is more than that. He quietly disappeared from the store as if he was an apparition.

The Indianapolis Star’s Gregg Doyel is in the middle of a two-week suspension after the Caitlin Clark press-conference controversy. He will not cover any Fever games live this summer.

Shukri must be the Philly equivalent of Charlie on the MTA. All abroad!

Pitchbots are a stain on the beautiful troll community.

My kid just walked into the room. Sees Leafs vs. Bruins warming up on TV. “What? It’s boy’s hockey” with full indignation. “Why isn’t there girl’s hockey on?” She’s 5 and will never know a world where we can’t just turn our TV on and see pro women’s hockey players, and I love it.

Why does Kenny Smith need to have a video if all he’s doing is counting to 12?

Friends say it’s fine, friends say it’s good.
Everybody says it’s just like Robin Hood.
I move like a cat, talk like a rat, sting like a bee.
Babe, I’m gonna be your man.

It’s plain to see,
You were meant for me.
Yeah, I’m your boy,
Your 20th century toy.

Kendra Middleton’s peanut allergy story was lifted straight out of the film Fallen.

PWHL Boston – playoff bound.

Mutnansky is still in Monte Carlo playing baccarat with his Kentucky Derby winnings, right?

Just say you don’t know the joke. It’s OK.

If you take Aiden the Turtleboy’s place in line for the Karen Read case, he’s gonna kick you out of the Lollipop Guild.

Sears has medicine balls on sale today. Great prices.

Does interviewing Samir Suleiman satisfy the Rooney Rule the way having Brandon Hunt in for an interview does?

Honk if you remember the Dunkin coffee coolatta.

I haven’t slept for ten days, because that would be too long.

Love that there’s more outrage about Pat Beverly being mean to a reporter than there is about him beaning a woman in the crowd in the head with a basketball.

No, you did not ‘catch a stray’ during the Tom Brady Roast.

I can take 30 Minions right now and throw them in the NFL. You cannot take 30 NFL players and put them in the Minion Ice Cave. jmt

ACAB and ‘bitch clearly did it’ are not mutually exclusive thoughts.

What is it with Kennedys always losing part of their brains?

Best bet for the weekend: packed brunch spots on Mother’s Day.

WOW.

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Mitch Hedberg, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. What you gonna do when you get out of jail?

And a happy birthday to Josie Maran, SI swimsuit model, actress and skincare & cosmetics entrepreneur.

1/24/24 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

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‘Meatball’ Ron DeSantis, Boston Red Sox.

Can a badly broken folding table be used to wedge open a Super Bowl window? Asking for a Mafioso.

You think Jerod Mayo can’t handle an NFL coaching job? The guy had his own desk at Optum—I think he’ll do just fine.

It’s funny that the less the Celtics lose, the more the occasional losses become catastrophic referendums.

On Earth-67, Ron DeSantis is a retired Red Sox slugger.

Tem Lukabu? Do we need him to defend against the Steelers or against the Galactic Empire?

Arthur Blank looks like Vincent Price on a bender.

You will be able to see many spectacular players this season at Fenway Park, especially if you count the park itself as a player!

Hallie Kyed, gone too soon but never to be forgotten. Donations may be made at either https://gofund.me/1a3dd30a or Dana Farber/The Jimmy Fund.

Cakes are cooking for Neil Diamond, Michael Ontkean, Jumbo Ozaki, Yakov Smirnoff, William F. Readdy, Jools Holland, Nastassja Kinski, Rob Dibble, Mary Lou Retton, Tatyana M. Ali, Scott Speed, Scott Kazmir, Sean McVey, and Luis Suárez.

The nerds don’t understand football and the coaches don’t understand math.

Is the clam hockey team good?

Bill Barnwell looks like a credible suspect in the Zodiac Killer investigation.

GLX Reminder: Shuttle Buses replace service between North Station and Medford/Tufts this weekend, Jan 27-28, due to track work. Union Square riders can use Bus Routes 86, 87, or 91 to connect to shuttles or the Orange Line

MA Senator Ed Markey thinks Lukey Russert’s alleged ties to Buffalo are tenuous.

News Item: Rams’ defensive coordinator Raheem Morris is scheduling second in-person head-coaching interviews with the Falcons, Panthers, Commanders and Seahawks. He gets one more punch on his card and he gets a Dan Rooney-autographed football!

Tim Wakefield also endorsed the season ticket price increase from heaven.

At what point does some media member other than Dondero say that it’s fucked up that Jonathan and some PR lady are running football operations?

Doc is the Bucks coach? Doc is not the Bucks coach. Tommy is here? Tommy is not here?

Imagine saying a man looked “phenomenal.”

Just keep running Josh Allen like he’s Mike Alstott. That’s a sustainable plan for success.

Is Larry Brown coaching anybody now?

Hey gang, this week’s Phrase that Pays is, “STOP AND DIVE IF YOU’VE DONE THE MACARENA!”

I don’t know how official it is to be rated New England’s most versatile DJ.

Kyle Lowry is gonna get so fucking fat in Charlotte since he won’t have Jimmy Butler threatening to kill him if he eats another chicken wing.

I don’t trust people who use percentages arbitrarily.

Congratulations to Northeastern Woman’s Hockey on the Inaugural Woman’s Beanpot Championship! What? No, if there had been a Woman’s Beanpot before this year I think I would have heard about it.

Arthur Blank looks like the bad guy in every Three Stooges short.

I just learned like two days ago that Stanley drink tumbler isn’t the same Stanley that makes my box cutter and tape measure.

Nice mock draft, cumrag.

I had read every book from Michael Connelly but recently caught on to the TV series. Now having binge watched all nine seasons let me just say Titus Welliver IS Harry Bosch, and I can’t wait for season ten.

Tanner Houck looks 45 years old.

The opening seconds of that Shields MRI ad from 2019 featuring a member of the Patriots End Zone Militia has the same visual cadence as a presidential spot.

Is Bert Breer just gonna keep pretending that someone is paying him?

Honk if you remember Airwolf.

There really is no good way of teaching someone how to properly load a dishwasher without sounding like a condescending prick.

The REAL Damar Hamlin (Rest In Power) woulda had the first down.

Female stalkers are never hot.

You idiot, this isn’t a modern offense, it’s a contemporary offense!

They do it down on Camber Sands
They do it at Waikiki
Lazing about the beach all day
At night the crickets creepy.

Squinting faces at the sky
A Harold Robbins paperback
Surfers drop their boards and dry
And everybody wants a hat.

But behind the Chalet
My holiday’s complete
And I feel like William Tell
Maid Marian on her tiptoe feet.

Pulling Mussels From The Shell.
Pulling Mussels From The Shell.

Warning: If you find a bread clip on your tire, you are conflating your clickbait articles!

Ichiro deserves to be a unanimous selection for the HOF next year. Just as Griffey, Jr., Jeter, Beltre, etc. deserved it. Hopefully, that happens.

Doc’s first order of business: deport Thanasis Antetokounmpo.

Isn’t it bad to burn cash?

Every time you RT Thomas Carrieri he gets another zit and a nickel.

Shake the almond tree.

I hope The Sports Hub didn’t pick Jim Murray to express the station’s condolences to the Kyed family.

Who knew Abbottabad abutted Orchard Park?

We see you running ‘The Commisar Vanishes’ playbook, Jonathan.

Best bet for the weekend: mobile QB’s!!

“Buenos noches, amigos!
Sam wanted me to say a few words about the upcoming season,
but I have a better idear: let’s break my son out of prison!”  [crowd boos]

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Bill James, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. Take me I’m yours because dreams are made of this. Forever there’ll be a heaven in your kiss.

Dominic ‘Dom’ DeSantis was selected out of Miami Dade College in the 23rd round of the 1989 MLB draft by the Boston Red Sox. He did not sign with the club. He then attended the University of New Orleans and was selected in the 28th round of the 1990 draft by Baltimore. Opting to again remain in school, he was finally signed following the 1991 draft, having been picked in the 20th round by the Phillies. The right hander pitched 4 minor league seasons, accumulating a 2.92 ERA and topping out at the High A level. He retired after a poor showing for the Duluth-Superior Dukes of the Independent League. Currently a sales manager in the Tampa Bay area, he has not held public office.

BdlG. Because.