As we close the books on yet another record setting campaign of profitable professional pigskin prognostications, we here at Football Cat World Headquarters would like to reflect back on all the wonderful things that happened over the course of the season. Who can forget when that crazy thing happened to that guy on that team way back in September? And then that other thing came out of nowhere and caught everybody off guard. People are still talking about how we will never see something like that ever happen again! And don’t get me started on that wild and crazy thing that made headlines for days on end. The airwaves are still sizzling from all the hot takes. So many memorable moments, there a just too many to mention. What an unforgettable season!
And finally, a big shout out to the intern for always keeping the drinking water cool, his lap warm, the snack drawer full and the litter box empty. Imagine doing all that work for no pay and no college credit? We wish you the best of luck in all your future endeavors.
(Intern’s Note: What? )
To play us out, we turn the clock all the way back to 1966 when “The Happenings” were happening… See you in September See you when the summer’s through Bye-bye, so long, farewell Bye-bye, so long
Vaya con dios muchachos!
SUNDAY DINNER TIME Chiefs (-1.5) at Eagles It started at the very first Thanksgiving, when William Brewster’s wife’s green bean casserole gave Hobbamock a severe case of gastroenteritis. And it’s been all downhill since then, from the Manhattan land deal, to small pox, to the Indian Removal Act of 1830, then the Battle of Wounded Knee and the Trail of Tears, all the way to the Indian Gaming Regulatory Act of 1988, and the cultural appropriation by Iron Eyes Cody, Chief Jay Strongbow and that guy in the Village People. For over 400 years, the American Birds have been continuously getting the better of the Indigenous Peoples. The subjugation will continue in New Orleans.
He’s not crying because the Chiefs are going to lose, he’s crying because he found out that he’s an Italian
Football Cat lives in New Hampshire, enjoys watching football, and is a cat.
The Super Bowl media workroom is located in Row D of the Superdome parking garage. Heh heh.
I bet State Farm told Dallas they had to trade Doncic to the Lakers.
Points man Pasta is still a Good Kid.
Dale would drive 2 hours for a meatball, MegO goes for pizza from Star Market near the TDGarden – weirdos.
This Jaden Springer trade could haunt the Celtics. I can’t help but be reminded of when Harry Frazee traded da Babe!
I can’t beieve the Grammys forgot that dead guitar player from Whitesnake and Tygers of Pan Tang. So disrespectful. Also, Justin Tucker is no longer welcome at the Tigers of Pan Tang Spa.
Celtics recent failures are not the fault of the head coach according to Kristaps Porzingis “ Mazzulla” s doing everything he can to help us.”
Lebron has fucked so many teammates you’d think he plays in the WNBA.
Hey Lays, when can we finally get your ketchup chips here in Massachusetts? Going to Canada for them gets expensive.
A honk-less Truck Day. Sad.
As Valentine’s Day is coming, be aware that fragrances are heavily faked. If you want to be safe, buy direct, from retailers (Macy’s, Sephora, Ulta) or well-known discounters (Jomashop, FragranceX, FragranceNet, FragranceBuy).
WEEI should have just sent its unwanted on-air employees to Radio Row in New Orleans, and just never brought them back.
Imagine shaking your spouse awake (when you have sick kids!) to tell her your favorite basketball player got traded.
Cakes are cooking for Don Cherry, Larry Tamblyn, Nolan Bushnell, Charlotte Rampling, Darrell Waltrip, Barbara Hershey, Errol Morris, Nick Laird-Clowes, Jane Geddes, Tim Meadows, Duff McKagen, Jim Pugh, Laura Linney, José María Olazábal, Chris Parnell, Roberto Alomar, Bobby Brown, Sara Evans, Brian Moorman, Adam Everett, Cristiano Ronaldo, Laurence Maroney, Reed Sorenson, and Neymar.
A BU vs. BC Beanpot Tital Game? That hardly ever happens!
It’s crazy to think that if Luka were any fatter he’d be working at Atamian Honda.
The Milwaukee Bucks are trading Khris Middleton, AJ Johnson and a pick swap to the Washington Wizards for Kyle Kuzma, Patrick Baldwin Jr. and second-round draft compensation, sources tell The15.
I hear Mrs. Ted will be watching the Big Game at the MEMA Bunker. For reasons.
Red Line Reminder: Feb 8 – 9 (this weekend) Shuttle Buses replace service between JFK/UMass and Braintree for signal upgrades. Commuter Rail will be fare-free between South Station & Braintree.
Beyoncé has won 33 Grammys. And I know one song by her.
Hey gang of fed-up football fans, this week’s Phrase that Pays is, “look at all those meat-faced cretins.”
Justin Tucker will be fine, Ray Lewis killed a guy and they gave him a statue.
A self-serving unverifiable statement from Kyrie Irving you say?
If we’re very good, maybe all the hugely hyped Super Bowl ads will be seen online before the game!
Forbes Magazine listed America’s Most Generous Philanthropists for 2025, and no surprise here, # 1 on the list: Doug Meehan.
A Salvation Army band played And the children drank lemonade And the morning lasted all day All day
And through an open window came Like Sinatra in a younger day Pushing the town away Ah
Ah-hey-ma-ma-ma Dee-doo-din-nie-ya-ya Ah-hey-ma-ma-ma Hey-y-yah Life in a northern town Ah-hey-ma-ma-ma-ma
Nobody ever disappears in the Bermuda Triangle anymore.
Muffins are funnier than cupcakes.
No one “wins” the off season. The off season is just guesswork. Sportswriters claimed the Angels won the off season 10 times in a row, with Rendon, Shohei, Pujols, Torii Hunter, Josh Hamilton, Andrelton Simmons, etc. They never won anything; they just spent money.
Not for nothing Big Baby, but healthcare fraud is a very white crime.
Why is there an Eagles fan in the Big Y commercial talking about it’s too bad all our teams aren’t still playing?
Honk if you remember which TV show debuted after Super Bowl XVII.
Vice’s “Belichick or Brady” show? Dumb premise, but hagiographic for both of them, with nary a mention of Kraft. A welcome departure from last year’s Apple TV+ documentary.
Mike Zunino, who was really a pretty good player, last played in 2023, and left with a career batting average of .199. He is the first player ever to retire with 100+ career home runs and a batting average under .200. Joey Gallo will become the second.
Do you think Kyle Kuzma hates being called “Cooze” like Dr. Cusamano did?
Teams that have won the turnover battle in the Super Bowl have a 39-7 record.
What organization accredited Rich to go to the Soupey and pretend to still be media? ‘Sports?’ ‘Plain Black Mic Flag?’
Imagine being on yet another unearned vacation and obsessing over lost Twitter followers.
You think Upton Bell has never been in a Cadillac?
Standing Headline: Red Sox Free Agent Target Signs Elsewhere.
Best bet for the weekend: underwhelming advertisements during The Big Game.
Easily worth double that amount today.
Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Bill James, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. I don’t need permission, make my own decisions. That’s, that’s my prerogative.
News item: Some new executive orders have just been signed…
“Saturday” will be renamed to “Caturday”.
Catnip will be allowed to flow across the Southern border.
All online betting advisors will be required to publicly display their success rate or something else (*wink wink*).
Amnesty for the accused in the “Shedd Park Incident of July 4 1992”.
Laser pointers will be outlawed.
Designated nap times throughout the day, with comfortable sleeping spots readily available in all public spaces.
All deadbeat squatters will be evicted from the homes of their deceased mother’s former boyfriend. Their cats will be allowed to stay.
Dogs will be banned from most public areas, with designated “dog parks” far away from cat territory.
Anyone using “Y’all” will be banned from all social media platforms, even the Chinese ones.
Humans must be readily available for head scratches and belly rubs whenever a cat desires.
Only Union workers will be allowed on the roads between 4 am and 6 am.
The records from the Loyko investigation must be immediately released.
SUNDAY EARLY DINNER TIME Commanders at Eagles (-6) American Birds haven’t been this surprised by a Commie offensive in January since 1968
On that day our platoon sergeant sacrificed himself so we could all make it home alive. RIP Sgt.Thornton.
SUNDAY EARLY PROWL TIME Bills at Chiefs (-1) As has played out on the great plains for hundreds of years, the Native Americans, once again, take down the Tonawanda Tatanka
The buffalo seemed more stunned by the audacity of the tactic than they are surprised the wolves are actually dudes
Football Cat lives in New Hampshire, enjoys watching football, and is a cat.
Happy days are here again! The skies above are clear again, Let us sing a song of cheer again, Happy days are here again!
Our brief regional nightmare is over!
Friends, last Sunday was a day of independence for all Patriots fans and their descendants!
If you don’t agree that the high point of the season was watching Thunder eat a big shit sandwich on Monday, then you are just weird! Weird! WEIRD!
But have no fear weirdos, you can still admit the error of your ways and join those of us who were right all along. You have no idea how your life is gonna improve as a result of this. Food tastes better. The air seems fresher. You’ll have more energy and self-confidence than you ever dreamed of! I am as giddy as a drunken man!
We tried to warn you!
SATURDAY DINNER TIME Chargers (-3) at Texans Bolts barbecue Texans
Fun fact
SATURDAY PROWL TIME Steelers at Ravens (-9.5) Scary Black Birds snowplow Steelers
I think he’s still upset, or he’s pooping. He’s probably pooping.
SUNDAY LUNCH TIME Broncos at Bills (-9) Bills bounce back, beat Broncos
SUNDAY DINNER TIME Packers at Eagles (-4.5) Bert Bell’s American Birds send Green Bay packing
Fake hair, real teeth
SUNDAY PROWL TIME Commanders at Buccaneers (-3) Bucs master the Commanders
MONDAY PROWL TIME Vikings at Rams (-1.5) Rams host a Viking funeral (in Glendale, AZ)
Thoughts and prayers to our SoCal readers
Football Cat lives in New Hampshire, enjoys watching football, and is a cat.
Happy New Year! Welcome to 2025 and the final week of the NFL regular season. Unlike almost every team in the league, Football Cat is going to give a full 100% effort in Week 18. There will be no tanking nor relaxing at this address. Although I do find staring at a fish tank very relaxing.
Tanking sounds like fun!
SATURDAY DINNER TIME Browns at Ravens (-17.5) Scary Black Birds feast on stale Brownies
This better be a brownie
SATURDAY PROWL TIME Bengals (-1.5) at Steelers Stripey Cats get the W but not a spot in the ‘yoffs
SUNDAY LUNCH TIME Panthers at Falcons (-8.5) Black Cats smack down a flaccid Penix
Looks more like a pickle
Commanders (-4.5) at Cowboys Commies win and get in
Bears at Packers (-9) Hibernating Bears get ground up by Meat Men
I am not a bear!
Jaguars at Colts (-4.5) Spotty Cats trampled by Horsies
Bills (-2.5) at Patriots Patriots finish the season the same way it started with an idiotic Gatorade bath for Coach Mayo
He better hope that’s “victory” mayonnaise
Giants at Eagles (-3) G-men do more damage to their draft position
Saints at Buccaneers (-13) Bucs plow through New Orleans
Texans at Titans (-1) Tits hold firm against Texans backups
I meant to type “Got It”. (Avert your eyes!)
SUNDAY DINNER TIME 49ers at Cardinals (-4.5) Pretty Red Birds fly high into the off-season
Chiefs at Broncos (-11) Broncos win by default
Seahawks (-5.5) at Rams Fake Sea Birds romp over resting Rams
Chargers (-5.5) at Raiders Never forget that Kraft didn’t even bother to interview Brother Jim
Oy vey iz mir!
Dolphins (-1.5) at Jets The incoming Undersecretary for Health and Human Services closes out his NFL career with a win
SUNDAY PROWL TIME Vikings at Lions (-3) Jungle Kings nosh on Nordic knee caps
He’d rather be seeing ghosts
Football Cat lives in New Hampshire, enjoys watching football, and is a cat.
Should auld acquaintance be forgot, and never brought to mind? The answer is a resounding “YES”! It’s best to leave the past in the past. Your New Year’s resolution should be to not dwell on lost loves and move forward. New year, new you. Don’t spend your nights listening to Spotify and crying yourself to sleep over what might have been with Olivia or Jackie or Brad. Lift a cup of kindness and throw it right in their face!
Happy Mew Year!
Or you could just resolve to stop drinking again.
SATURDAY LUNCH TIME Chargers (-4) at Patriots Patriots shock the Bolts like it’s 1985
In 2025 Coach Mayo resolves to be even more open with his good friends in the media.
SATURDAY DINNER TIME Broncos at Bengals (-3) Stripey Cats keep their playoff chances alive
SATURDAY PROWL TIME Cardinals at Rams (-6) Rams rout Red Birds
SUNDAY LUNCH TIME Colts (-7.5) at Giants Giant tank job continues
Now that’s a giant tank!
Jets at Bills (-10) McDermott’s men hijack Jets and send them crashing back to Earth
Never forget
Titans at Jaguars (-1) Spotty Cats can’t handle Tits
Raiders (-1.5) at Saints Raiders win again, they must really hate the idea of drafting Shedeur Sanders.
Panthers at Buccaneers (-8) Scary Black Cats sink Bucs
Tampa should have consulted “Unsinkable Sam”
Cowboys at Eagles (-9.5) American Birds keep the pressure on the Jungle Kings
SUNDAY DINNER TIME Dolphins at Browns (-6.5) Elves shelve Miami
Don’t eat the brown fish
Packers at Vikings (-1.5) Vikings mince Meat Men
I’d rather be plundered
SUNDAY PROWL TIME Falcons at Commanders (-4) Commies swamp Falcons
MONDAY PROWL TIME Lions (-3.5) at 49ers Jungle Kings poach Prospectors’ patellas
Football Cat lives in New Hampshire, enjoys watching football, and is a cat.
City sidewalks, busy sidewalks, dressed in holiday style, in the air there’s a feeling of Christmas. And in the spirit of the holiday season, the animals of The 15, and animals adjacent to The 15, have pooled their meager resources and gifted Football Cat a well deserved week off.
This isn’t as easy as it looked
SATURDAY LUNCH TIME Texans at Chiefs (-2.5) Marv thinks that, while the Chiefs may appear harmless, KC will suddenly snap and go for the Texans jugular.
Hi Marv!
SATURDAY DINNER TIME Steelers at Ravens (-6.5) Jocko isn’t a fan of the Black Birds, he takes the Steelers.
SUNDAY LUNCH TIME Cardinals (-4.5) at Panthers Jocko also isn’t a fan of the Black Cats, he takes the Cardinals.
Jocko puts up with a lot
Giants at Falcons (-9) Rams (-3) at Jets Spuckie the rat loves both New York teams to at least cover.
Spuckie loved going on long walks with his owner LJ Sandwich (OOTGs)
Lions (-6.5) at Bears Gus takes Detroit in a huge bounce back game in chilly Chicago after a loss against Buffalo.
Gus is a much gooder friend than Mac
Titans at Colts (-3.5) Millie says to lay it all on the Tits
Pay attention to Millie!
Eagles (-3.5) at Commanders Remi takes the Eagles over the Commanders.
Drinks?
Browns at Bengals (-7.5) The Cleveland Pig digs the Browns (and truffles).
I love that pig
SUNDAY DINNER TIME Vikings (-3) at Seahawks Loki wishes he could fly like a real non-existent Seahawk.
One day that will be me up there
Jaguars at Raiders (-1) And Jocko really doesn’t like the Black Hole!
49ers at Dolphins (-1) Jasper would prefer backing a team from Virginia Beach, but Miami Beach is a close second.
Poor Jasper
Patriots at Bills (-14) Bo has unwavering faith in the Coach Quick Slants.
I live with a talking potato
SUNDAY PROWL TIME Buccaneers (-4) at Cowboys Dooze loves the Cowboys especially when they play with their roof open.
Did you hear about the dog park on the moon?
MONDAY PROWL TIME Saints at Packers (-13.5) Paco backs the Meat Men, preferably with a nice coating of Rub Smoke Love BEEF CAKE premium all-natural beef rub and seasoning.
All the best food seasonings are sold at True Value
Football Cat lives in New Hampshire, enjoys watching football, and is a cat.
Interns beware! It’s that festive time of year again, tonight is the “The 15’s Annual Office Holiday Party”. ( It used to be the “The 15’s Annual Office Christmas Party”, but Carl did 23andMe this past year and, oy gevalt, he’s suddenly kosher.) But have no fear! Whether you spin the dreidel, or your savior was born in a stable, all you have to do is follow Football Cat’s 7 simple tips for a funtastic Office Holiday Party…
Spot the total number HR violations in this picture! Whoever comes closest will win a bonus day off* (*unpaid)
Show Up: You do not want to be labeled as a party pooper. Get your ass to the party, they’ll be free drinks (see Tip #2).
Drink: Drink! There’s nothing people like more than talking about the person who had too much to drink at the office party. You’re just providing a public service.
Eat: If you don’t eat, you’ll get drunk too fast (see Tip #2). It’s science.
Dance: On the floor, on the table (see Tip #2) , whatever it takes.
Talk to the Big Boss: Make sure you’ve had a couple of drinks first (see Tip #2) . And make it quick. Get in, get out. Don’t linger.
Play Your Transportation By Ear: You’re going to drink (see Tip #2) so don’t drive, but don’t plan ahead either. There’s definitely someone in the office with Clara Barton Syndrome, or maybe it’s Clara Nightingale Syndrome – whichever the nice one was. It doesn’t really matter, just don’t puke in Clara’s car.
Be Prepared: Bring an extra pair of underwear, your toothbrush and your passport. You never know what will happen (see Tip #2).
Good luck and have fun (see Tip #2)!
SUNDAY LUNCH TIME Chiefs (-4.5) at Browns Chiefs scalp the Elves
Payback is a bitch
Bengals (-5) at Titans Stripey Cats pancake Tits
Tigers and pancakes? Someone’s getting cancelled.
Commanders (-7) at Saints Godless Commies decanonize Saints
Ravens (-14.5) at Giants Scary Black Birds jar Giants
Cowboys at Panthers (-2.5) Scary Black Cats spook America’s Team
I’m dreaming of a Black Sunday
Jets (-3.5) at Jags My Good Friend Mac finally owns!
This time for sure!
Dolphins at Texans (-3.5) Texans barbecue Dolphins
SUNDAY DINNER TIME Colts at Broncos (-4) Big Broncos corral lil’ Colts
Go Horse(s)!
Bills at Lions (-2.5) Hairy Cows trample Jungle Kings
Steelers at Eagles (-5) Yinzers take the Keystone State Cup
Patriots at Cardinals (-6) Pretty Red Birds fly past Mayo’s men
Stay strong Drake-A-Maniacs!
Buccaneers at Chargers (-3) Brother Jim Hawkins’ gang zaps swashbucklers
SUNDAY PROWL TIME Packers (-3) at Seahawks Fake Sea Birds aren’t in the mood for Love.
MONDAY EARLY PROWL TIME Bears at Vikings (-7) Vikings plunder hibernating Bears
Sounds like a Pixar movie
MONDAY PROWL TIME Falcons (-5) at Raiders Too bad Jerry Glanville isn’t alive to see his Falcons take down the Elvis impersonators #RIP
Wait… what?
Football Cat lives in New Hampshire, enjoys watching football, and is a cat.
Have no fear! Even though the local gridironers are enjoying a weekend away, getting tanned and rested, there’s no bye week for Football Cat!
Don’t we have interns to cover for me for one week?
And remember, it’s not just the bye week, it’s also the BUYweek at the official the 15 net store! If you don’t shop during the big holiday sale, you’re just wasting money. It’s basic math people.
SUNDAY LUNCH TIME Jaguars at Titans (-4) Tits motorboat Spotty Cats
My good friend Mac in happier times
Jets at Dolphins (-6) Tua melts Jets
I prefer a little dolphin in my tuna
Falcons at Vikings (-5.5) Vikings rape Raptors
Saints (-4.5) at Giants David takes down Goliath
You don’t want to get on Davey’s bad side
Panthers at Eagles (-12) Scary Black Cats spook American Birds
Browns at Steelers (-6.5) Yinzers flush Browns
If it’s brown flush it down!
Raiders at Buccaneers (-6.5) Bucs win the biggest pirate fight since the Battle of Cape Lopez
What do you call a pirate with a cat on his shoulder? A purr-ate.
SUNDAY DINNER TIME Seahawks at Cardinals (-2.5) Pretty Red Birds pluck Fake Sea Birds
Bills (-5) at Rams Horny Sheep win the Bovidae Battle
Me so horny!
Bears at 49ers (-4.5) Prospectors wake the sleepy Bears, get mauled.
SUNDAY PROWL TIME Chargers at Chiefs (-3.5) Native Americans short circuit Plugs
Trail of Tears? Sounds like my prom night!
MONDAY PROWL TIME Bengals (-5) at Cowboys Stripey Cats do Dallas
Football Cat lives in New Hampshire, enjoys watching football, and is a cat.
Don’t worry, a deranged pilot is not going to fly a blimp into an NFL stadium near you. It means it’s your chance to save SAVE SAVE!
Just visit the the official “The 15” store, and with a few clicks (and a valid credit card) you can take care of all your holiday shopping and enjoy all the football.
Them ore you spend the more you SAVE! (It’s simple mathematics)
Shop early and often, and remember to tell them that Football Cat sent you.
SUNDAY LUNCH TIME Chargers (-1) at Falcons Plugs zap Raptors
Steelers at Bengals (-3) Men of Steel cage Stripey Cats
Roar!
Texans (-4) at Jaguars Spotty Cats claw their way to victory
Cardinals at Vikings (-3.5) Pretty Red Birds should never have flown north.
Frozen Red Bird patties are good eating
Colts (-2.5) at Patriots To all the little Drake-a-Maye-niacs, say your prayers, take your vitamins, and enjoy the win heading into the bye week.
You may not like it… but accept it!
Seahawks (-2) at Jets Fake Sea Birds ground Jets
Titans at Commanders (-5.5) Commies blast all over Tits
Hey, my eyes are up here.. WTF!
SUNDAY DINNER TIME Buccaneers (-5.5) at Panthers Black Beards sink Black Cats
The impending cannibalism makes it funny
Rams (-2.5) at Saints The Lord’s shepherds sheer the hairy sheep
Eagles at Ravens (-3) Scary Black Birds rule the roost
Honk if you remember Marlin Perkins
SUNDAY PROWL TIME 49ers at Bills (-7) Prospectors get snowed under in Buffalo
MONDAY PROWL TIME Browns at Broncos (-5.5) Elves can’t handle the elevation
It really messes with his GI tract.
Football Cat lives in New Hampshire, enjoys watching football, and is a cat.
