Can you pick more winners than our own Football Cat? If so, you become eligible to win prizes!
Simply pick who you think will win this week’s remaining games. (Sunday and Monday only, Football Cat negotiated no non-holiday Thursdays) Pick more winners than FC, and you can win either a The15 Inside Joke Prize Pack! (Pictured Below)
…or a $25 Supermarket Gift Card! Your choice as to Market Basket or Big Y! (Or another, if you are outside the New England Area)
(One winner per week. In the event of a tie, a winner will be chosen at random. Winners remail eligible to also win in future weeks.)
Here are this week’s NFL matchups:
Falcons Panthers
Packers Browns
Texans Jaguars
Bengals Vikings
Steelers Patriots
Rams Eagles
Jets Bucs
Colts Titans
Raiders Commanders
Broncos Chargers
Saints Seahawks
Cowboys Bears
Cardinals 49ers
Chiefs Giants
Lions Ravens (Tiebreaker – total points scored)
Email your picks to bjbsjournalintern@gmail.com (prior to kickoff of the first listed game) and our gritty squadron of interns will make sure your entry is added to this week’s pool of contestants!
Every September 19th all of Patriots Nation gather together with their family and friends to celebrate the legacy of their one time wunderkind General Manager Upton Bell. Back in February of 1971, Billy Sullivan hired the snot nosed 33 year old Bell to be his GM. The most memorable moment of Upton’s brief reign of terror was when he forgot to mail out contracts to all the team’s impending free agents, thus instantly granting them their freedom. The Upton Bell era came to an abrupt end in December 5, 1972 when he was unceremoniously fired after amassing a putrid 9 – 19 record. Sure that is a bad record, but really damning fact is that Upton was so incompetent that he never worked in the NFL again. Imagine how awful his reputation within the league must have been to never get another front office job. This was the son of former NFL Commissioner and Eagles owner/founder Bert Bell, and after being fired at the age of 35 his career in the league was over.
Today the 88 year old social media maven has morphed into a modern day Baron Hieronymus Karl Friedrich Freiherr von Münchhausen. The list of famous (all dead) people Upton has met includes Burt Reynolds, Jane Russell, Hedy Lamar, Elvis Presley, Frank Sinatra, Grace Kelly, Stephen Hawking, Patricia Neal, Jack Nicholson, Richard Nixon, Anthony Hopkins, Angie Dickerson, Arnold Palmer, Alan Shepard, Ted Turner, Seiji Ozawa, Donna Reed, Hedy Lamarr, Carely Simon, Yo Yo Ma and three (THREE!) Tuskegee Airmen. The list goes on and on. We didn’t even bother with listing the sports figures he claims to have known/discovered, but rest assured if they’re dead Upton claims he interacted with them.
And if Upton didn’t meet them, rest assured his mother did. Per Upton, his mom, Broadway “star” Frances Upton, had close encounters with Charles Lindbergh, James Cagney, Florenz Ziegfeld, George Gershwin, George Burns, Willie Mays, Babe Ruth, Lefty Gomez and Al Capone. According to Upton, when Bert Bell, his father, dropped dead Universal Pictures wanted to make a movie about him with Danny Thomas as the lead, but Frances turned it down (of course she did!). The aforementioned Bert Bell invented the NFL Draft, coined the phrase “On Any Given Sunday”, brought the entire Eagles team with him on his honeymoon, proposed local TV blackouts, and in 1958 came up with the idea of sudden death overtime – which is ironic because he dropped dead less than one year later while attending a football game.
Happy Upton Bell Day!
So celebrate today the Upton way by forgetting to send out important legal documents on time, or by getting you rugs cleaned or by lying on social media about all the famous dead people you’ve interacted with. Happy 9-19 to all who celebrate!
Sunday Lunch Time Falcons (-5.5) at Panthers Black cats get slapped by Penix
Packers (-7.5) at Browns Packko over Flacco
In 1935 Bert Bell invents the NFL draft. In 1948 Bert Bell invents prank calling potential draft picks.
Texans at Jaguars (-2) Texicats hog tie spotted cats
Bengals at Vikings (-3) Norsemen beat Burrow-less Bungles
Steelers (-1.5) at Patriots Pat Patriot makes Rodgers see red
November 14, 1972 press conference with owner Billy Sullivan (right), interim head coach Phil Bengtson (center), lame duck GM Upton Bell (left). Disgraceful body language
Rams at Eagles (-3.5) Philly rams LA
Jets at Buccaneers (-6.5) Tampa takes the Todd Bowles Revenge Bowl
Colts (-4.5) at Titans Tits whip Indianapolis Jones
Frances Upton in her only feature film role as Angie in ‘Night Work’ (1930). Francis loved to tell Upton about all the times she lost out on an acting job because she would not submit to the casting couch. Proving that lying is inherited.
Raiders at Commanders (-3.5) The Raiders keep racking up frequent flyer miles but not wins
Sunday Dinner Time Broncos at Chargers (-3) Bolts best Broncos
Saints at Seahawks (-7.5) Saints remain winless in Seattle
Upton saw Wilt Chamberlain play high school basketball and new he’d be a super star
Cowboys (-1) at Bears Da Bears drop Da Boys
Cardinals at 49ers (-2.5) Prospectors use the Pretty Red Birds as their canaries in the gold mine.
Sunday Prowl Time Chiefs (-6) at Giants Chiefs cut the Giants down to size
9 wins as Patriots GM work out to 1 win for every tooth
Monday Prowl Time Lions at Ravens (-4.5) Scary black birds tame the big cats
Football Cat lives in New Hampshire, enjoys watching football, and is a cat.
Can anyone of YOU beat Football Cat? The answer is a resounding “NO”. Despite what a nameless (brainless?) intern announced earlier this week. None of you (NONE OF YOU!) picked more winners in Week 1 than our beloved Football Cat. The faux “winner” picked 11 winners, mildly impressive for a human being. However, Football Cat picked 12 winners! TWELVE. This isn’t even advanced math like differential equations or, even worse, percentages (*gasp*). You don’t need to be a lonely pathetic ex-con finance manager working weekends selling unnecessary gap insurance to naive customers at your local car dealership to understand that 12 is greater than 11.
Don’t do the crime if you can’t do the time
Unfortunately we here at Football Cat World Headquarters have been forced to petition the courts for a temporary injunction against the distribution of the official The15 joke prize pack to Mr. Warren Dull’s aunt. We request Miss/Ms./Mrs. Dull, or her representatives, direct all inquiries to @SteveBosell15. We look forward to eventually awarding the official The15 joke prize pack to an actual winner… which will be never, because YOU can’t beat Football Cat! You just can’t, but you’re welcome to keep trying.
Email your picks to bjbsjournalintern@gmail.com (prior to kickoff of the first listed game) and our plucky squad of interns will make sure your entry is added to this week’s pool of contestants!
Look at the studio filled with glamorous merchandise
Good day and good luck!
Sunday Lunch Time Jaguars at Bengals (-3.5) Stripes over spots
Spots and stripes? That’s definitely advanced fashion
Giants at Cowboys (-5.5) Pokes pop Pituitaries
Bears at Lions (-6.5) Lions turn on their former handler
Welcome back Ben Johnson
Rams (-5.5) at Titans Horny sheep squash Tits
Patriots at Dolphins (-1.5) Pats flounder against Phins
49ers (-2.5) at Saints My good friend Mac is going to own in New Orleans
Mac and I will direct our laughter towards North Carolina (ha ha ha!)
Bills (-6.5) at Jets Buffalo gets on the same page and orchestrate their attacks to perfection! The only thing McDermott is upset about is that this game wasn’t played on Thursday.
Teamwork makes the dream work
Seahawks at Steelers (-2.5) Rodgers keeps rolling
Browns at Ravens (-11.5) Black birds soar over Browns
Sunday Dinner Time Broncos (-1.5) at Colts Danny Dimes drops Denver
Panthers at Cardinals (-6.5) Pretty Red Birds bludgeon Black Cats
That bird is jacked
Eagles at Chiefs (-1.5) American Birds prove that their Super Bowl domination of those poor Native Americans was no fluke.
Sunday Prowl Time Falcons at Vikings (-3.5) Norsemen swallow up Penix
A hot dog is all the censors would allow us to use
Monday Prowl Time Buccaneers at Texans (-2.5) Texicans trounce Tampa
Monday Sleepy Time Chargers (-3.5) at Raiders Plugs short circuit the strip
Stick to gambling kids, it’s safer
Football Cat lives in New Hampshire, enjoys watching football, and is a cat.
Simply pick who you think will win this week’s games. (Sunday and Monday only, Football Cat negotiated no non-holiday Thursdays) Pick more winners than FC, and you can win a The15 Inside Joke Prize Pack!
A BURNER ACCOUNT Tee Shirt! – A Jar of Fluff – and, a KENO snapback hat!
(One winner per week. In the event of a tie, a winner will be chosen at random. Winners remail eligible to also win in future weeks.)
Here are this week’s NFL matchups:
JaguarsBengals
Patriots Dolphins
GiantsCowboys
BearsLions
Rams Titans
49ers Saints
Bills Jets
Seahawks Steelers
Browns Ravens
Broncos Colts
Panthers Cardinals
Eagles Chiefs
Falcons Vikings
Bucs Texans
Chargers Raiders Tiebreaker – total points scored combined
Email your picks to bjbsjournalintern@gmail.com (prior to kickoff of the first listed game) and our plucky squad of interns will make sure your entry is added to this week’s pool of contestants!
Football Cat is tired from watching the Patriotic Birds play the Pokes.
Your long wait is finally over, and so is your Summah, football season is upon us! And this season is no ordinary season… this season YOU (yes, YOU!) get the opportunity to go head to head with our very own Feline Football Forecaster, the one, the only Football Cat!
One of our interns (I haven’t taken time to learn their names yet) outlined the rules in an earlier post.
The Cliff Notes version: If you can pick more winners than Football Cat you will be eligible to win a fabulous The15 Inside Joke Prize Pack! Email your picks to bjbsjournalintern@gmail.com (prior to kickoff of tonight’s game) and our plucky squad of interns will make sure your entry is added to this week’s pool of contestants! It’s that easy. All you have to lose is your self respect.
Which leaves us with the question… Can YOU beat Football Cat?
Actual prize may vary
Sexta à Noite Prowl Time Chiefs (-3) vs Chargers “I play the beautiful game while I’m in Brazil ‘Cause everybody plays the beautiful game while I’m in Brazil ‘Cause it’s all we’ve ever wanted, and it’s all that you want still Don’t you wanna play the beautiful game out in Brazil?”
Plugs shock Chiefs in the Southern Hemisphere’s Winter Classic
Pelé knew which game was the real o jogo bonito
Sunday Lunch Time Buccaneers (-2) at Falcons An opening week NFC South six pointer! Why wasn’t this on Sunday Night Football? Bucs win and all but clinch the division
Bengals (-6) at Browns Stripey cats leave the Browns strewn across their litter box
Actually Cleveland is a really nice place… for me to poop on!
Dolphins at Colts (-1.5) Ponies pop Porps
Panthers at Jaguars (-3) Cat fight! Spotted cats send black cats home with two black eyes
Woof
Raiders at Patriots (-2.5) Botox Brady’s team comes up short in the shadow of Tom’s tiny headed statue
Cardinals (-6.5) at Saints Cardinals win the Holy War
Say two Hail Marys and one Act of Cat-trition (*uproarious laughter*)
Steelers (-3) at Jets Men of Steel dominate in Metropolis
Krypto, Krytpo, Krypto! Why no love for Streaky the Supercat?
Giants at Commanders (-6) I’m calling the president. Mr. President, we need the National Guard. We need as many men as you can spare because the Commanders are killing the Giants. Wait… what? They’re already here? Never mind.
My old Platoon Sergeant said the Guard was for pussies
Sunday Dinner Time Titans at Broncos (-7.5) Tits sag in the thin air
49ers (-2.5) at Seahawks Fake Sea Birds rub Purrrdy the wrong way
Lions at Packers (-2.5) Jungle Kings devour Meat Men
It’s just a flesh wound
Texans at Rams (-2.5) Horny sheep give Houston problems
Sunday Prowl Time Ravens at Bills (-1.5) Scary Black birds spook Hairy Cows
Monday Prowl Time Vikings at Bears (-1.5) Norsemen skin grizzlies
It’s not a rug it’s a weave
Football Cat lives in New Hampshire, enjoys watching football, and is a cat.
Can you pick more winners than our own Football Cat? If so, you become eligible to win prizes!
Simply pick who you think will win this week’s games. (Friday, Sunday and Monday only, Football Cat negotiated no non-holiday Thursdays) Pick more winners than FC, and you can win a The15 Inside Joke Prize Pack!
A BURNER ACCOUNT Tee Shirt!
A Jar of Fluff
and a KENO snapback hat!
Wow
(One winner per week. In the event of a tie, a winner will be chosen at random. Winners remail eligible to also win in future weeks.)
Here are this week’s NFL matchups:
Chiefs Chargers
Bucs Falcons
Bengals Browns
Dolphins Colts
Raiders Patriots
Cardinals Saints
Steelers Jets
Giants Commanders
Panthers Jaguars
Titans Broncos
49ers Seahawks
Lions Packers
Texans Rams
Ravens Bills
Vikings Bears Tiebreaker – total points
Email your picks to bjbsjournalintern@gmail.com (prior to kickoff of the first listed game) and our plucky squad of interns will make sure your entry is added to this week’s pool of contestants!
As we close the books on yet another record setting campaign of profitable professional pigskin prognostications, we here at Football Cat World Headquarters would like to reflect back on all the wonderful things that happened over the course of the season. Who can forget when that crazy thing happened to that guy on that team way back in September? And then that other thing came out of nowhere and caught everybody off guard. People are still talking about how we will never see something like that ever happen again! And don’t get me started on that wild and crazy thing that made headlines for days on end. The airwaves are still sizzling from all the hot takes. So many memorable moments, there a just too many to mention. What an unforgettable season!
And finally, a big shout out to the intern for always keeping the drinking water cool, his lap warm, the snack drawer full and the litter box empty. Imagine doing all that work for no pay and no college credit? We wish you the best of luck in all your future endeavors.
(Intern’s Note: What? )
To play us out, we turn the clock all the way back to 1966 when “The Happenings” were happening… See you in September See you when the summer’s through Bye-bye, so long, farewell Bye-bye, so long
Vaya con dios muchachos!
SUNDAY DINNER TIME Chiefs (-1.5) at Eagles It started at the very first Thanksgiving, when William Brewster’s wife’s green bean casserole gave Hobbamock a severe case of gastroenteritis. And it’s been all downhill since then, from the Manhattan land deal, to small pox, to the Indian Removal Act of 1830, then the Battle of Wounded Knee and the Trail of Tears, all the way to the Indian Gaming Regulatory Act of 1988, and the cultural appropriation by Iron Eyes Cody, Chief Jay Strongbow and that guy in the Village People. For over 400 years, the American Birds have been continuously getting the better of the Indigenous Peoples. The subjugation will continue in New Orleans.
He’s not crying because the Chiefs are going to lose, he’s crying because he found out that he’s an Italian
Football Cat lives in New Hampshire, enjoys watching football, and is a cat.
News item: Some new executive orders have just been signed…
“Saturday” will be renamed to “Caturday”.
Catnip will be allowed to flow across the Southern border.
All online betting advisors will be required to publicly display their success rate or something else (*wink wink*).
Amnesty for the accused in the “Shedd Park Incident of July 4 1992”.
Laser pointers will be outlawed.
Designated nap times throughout the day, with comfortable sleeping spots readily available in all public spaces.
All deadbeat squatters will be evicted from the homes of their deceased mother’s former boyfriend. Their cats will be allowed to stay.
Dogs will be banned from most public areas, with designated “dog parks” far away from cat territory.
Anyone using “Y’all” will be banned from all social media platforms, even the Chinese ones.
Humans must be readily available for head scratches and belly rubs whenever a cat desires.
Only Union workers will be allowed on the roads between 4 am and 6 am.
The records from the Loyko investigation must be immediately released.
SUNDAY EARLY DINNER TIME Commanders at Eagles (-6) American Birds haven’t been this surprised by a Commie offensive in January since 1968
On that day our platoon sergeant sacrificed himself so we could all make it home alive. RIP Sgt.Thornton.
SUNDAY EARLY PROWL TIME Bills at Chiefs (-1) As has played out on the great plains for hundreds of years, the Native Americans, once again, take down the Tonawanda Tatanka
The buffalo seemed more stunned by the audacity of the tactic than they are surprised the wolves are actually dudes
Football Cat lives in New Hampshire, enjoys watching football, and is a cat.
Breaking news from the Football Cat Storm Center, it’s going to be bitter cold at this weekend’s games. How cold you ask? Well, let’s go to a special report from Nimbus, the official cat of the Mount Washington Weather Observatory, for a live report…
NIMBUS: “You want a prediction about the weather? I’ll give you a winter prediction. It’s gonna be cold, it’s gonna be grey, and it’s gonna last you for the rest of your life.”
Yes, Nimbus does like red onions. Why do you ask?
Thanks Nimbus for that in depth forecast. It sounds like you might want to spend some of your future gambling winnings on a Seasonal Affective Disorder light therapy lamp. We hear they do wonders for your mental health.
The official anti-SADs clock/lamp combo thingy of the Boston Herald’s Red Sox part-time beat writer. (If you look closely you can see her reflection “accidentally” caught in the photo of the clock/lamp thingy.)
SATURDAY DINNER TIME Texans at Chiefs (-8.5) Indoor Tex-cats can’t survive in the Chiefs’ winter encampment
It’s not called a WigWarm for nothing folks!
SATURDAY PROWL TIME Commanders at Lions (-9) These indoor cats know where it’s at! The Jungle Kings crunch Commie caps in climate controlled comfort.
Take that you commie rat!
SUNDAY EARLY DINNER TIME Rams at Eagles (-6) Fiery hot Rams blow torch frozen American Birds
When the Linc is overrun with ugly dumb cvnt Rams fans, don’t blame this guy.
SUNDAY EARLY PROWL TIME Ravens at Bills (-1) Scary Black Birds get snowed under by Hairy Cows
They should have flown South for the winter when they had the chance.
Football Cat lives in New Hampshire, enjoys watching football, and is a cat.
Happy days are here again! The skies above are clear again, Let us sing a song of cheer again, Happy days are here again!
Our brief regional nightmare is over!
Friends, last Sunday was a day of independence for all Patriots fans and their descendants!
If you don’t agree that the high point of the season was watching Thunder eat a big shit sandwich on Monday, then you are just weird! Weird! WEIRD!
But have no fear weirdos, you can still admit the error of your ways and join those of us who were right all along. You have no idea how your life is gonna improve as a result of this. Food tastes better. The air seems fresher. You’ll have more energy and self-confidence than you ever dreamed of! I am as giddy as a drunken man!
We tried to warn you!
SATURDAY DINNER TIME Chargers (-3) at Texans Bolts barbecue Texans
Fun fact
SATURDAY PROWL TIME Steelers at Ravens (-9.5) Scary Black Birds snowplow Steelers
I think he’s still upset, or he’s pooping. He’s probably pooping.
SUNDAY LUNCH TIME Broncos at Bills (-9) Bills bounce back, beat Broncos
SUNDAY DINNER TIME Packers at Eagles (-4.5) Bert Bell’s American Birds send Green Bay packing
Fake hair, real teeth
SUNDAY PROWL TIME Commanders at Buccaneers (-3) Bucs master the Commanders
MONDAY PROWL TIME Vikings at Rams (-1.5) Rams host a Viking funeral (in Glendale, AZ)
Thoughts and prayers to our SoCal readers
Football Cat lives in New Hampshire, enjoys watching football, and is a cat.
The 15 