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Football Cat’s Week 14 NFL Picks ’25

Posted on December 4, 2025 by naop Leave a comment

Football Cat’s Week 14 NFL Picks ’25

Time to check in with everyone’s favorite nonagenarian sportswriter, none other than legendary boxing and gridiron correspondent for the old Boston Evening Gazette, Buzz “Lefty” McBride. Mr. McBride would like to share his take on the controversial hit New England Patriots’ linebacker Christian Eliss placed on New York Giants’ quarterback Jaxson Dart during the first quarter of Monday night’s football game.

Buzz “Lefty” McBride: “Looks to me like Eliss knocked Jaxson Dart onto Queer Street”

Many thanks to “Lefty” for his thoughtful and enlightened commentary.

Sunday Lunch Time
Titans at Browns (-4.5)
Turds top Tits

Seahawks (-7) at Falcons
Fake sea birds rule the roost

Colts (-1.5) at Jaguars
Jags jettison Jones

Commanders at Vikings (-2.5)
Feds raid Minnesota

Bengals at Bills (-5.5)
Buffalo buries Burrow

Saints at Buccaneers (-8.5)
Bucs defrock the clergy

Steelers (-6) at Ravens
Scary black birds love a game played in a dark place

Dolphins (-2.5) at Jets
New Yorkers feast on frozen fish

Sunday Dinner Time
Broncos (-7.5) at Raiders
YOU want the Raiders to win, but you can’t always get what you want

Rams (-8.5) at Cardinals
Horney sheep trample pretty red birds

Bears at Packers (-6.5)
The pack is back!

Sunday Prowl Time
Texans at Chiefs (-3.5)
Indoor cats can’t handle the chill of the open plains

Monday Prowl Time
Eagles (-2.5) at Chargers
Patriotic birds zap Bolts

Football Cat lives in New Hampshire, enjoys watching football, and is a cat.

Football Cat’s Week 13 NFL Picks ’25

Posted on November 28, 2025 by naop Leave a comment

Welcome to Black Friday 2025!

Smart shoppers are avoiding the crowds by visiting the official the15net.com store to pick up their official the15net.com merchandise. It’s what all the cool people will be wearing to the office Christmas party. And who doesn’t want to be cool?

Q: Who could ever look cooler than these Fonzies

Sunday Lunch Time
Rams (-10) at Panthers
Horny sheep skin black cats

49ers (-4.5) at Browns
Prospectors fry Colonel Sanders

It takes a tough cat to make a tender bird

Texans at Colts (-4.5)
Indianapolis Jones whips Houston

Saints at Dolphins (-5.5)
Tua’s Dolphins dunk tanking Saints

He’s not called *Coach Drip* for nothing

Falcons (-2.5) at Jets
Birds of Prey soar over sputtering Jets

Cardinals at Buccaneers (-2.5)
Pretty Red Birds fly past Bucs

Jaguars (-6.5) at Titans
Spotted cats top Tits

Did someone say “jaguar tit top”?
*EDITOR’S NOTE: These are leopard spots, not jaguar spots. We regret the error.*

Sunday Dinner Time
Vikings at Seahawks (-11.5)
Sam Darnold haunts Vikings

Raiders at Chargers (-10)
Bolts put out Vegas’ lights

You can get the top selling Jonathan shirt in white

Bills (-3.5) at Steelers
Buffalo wings Yinzers

Sunday Prowl Time
Broncos (-6) at Commanders
Rested Broncos bust Commies

Monday Prowl Time
Giants at Patriots (-7.5)
Pats head to the bye on a high

You can get the top selling Jonathan shirt in blue

Football Cat lives in New Hampshire, enjoys watching football, and is a cat.

Football Cat’s Thanksgiving Picks ’25

Posted on November 27, 2025 by naop Leave a comment

Turkey fans enjoy giving out gobbles this time of year, but what about America’s fastest, and fattest, growing dietary subgroup the Porksaterians? Well don’t worry Porky, we’re here to satisfy you with a serving of oinks.

Grant Huckvale (a.k.a. Hogdale):
Hogdale carved a niche for himself as an overly exuberant alternative broadcaster to the stoic and bland official Red Sox play-by-play teams on NESN and WEEI. Over the summer you’d see Hogdale clips occasionally retweeted into your timeline, usually after Red Sox wins, and you’d think to yourself “I think that’s the tops“. We probably all agree that Hogdale is special. Smash cut to present day, and we are confronted with a hog of a different color. Barstool, in an effort to fill an obese chromosomically challenged void in their lineup, swooped in and waved a lucrative (by part-time minimum waged Iowan standards) five figure contract in front of Hogdale’s snout and lured him into their slaughter house. Now Hogdale’s giant screaming maw is ever present, ever hot takey and ever annoying. To quote Rocky IV: “What started out as a joke has turned into a disaster”.
4 oinks 🐷🐷🐷🐷

Thanksgiving early eaters time
Packers at Lions (-2.5)
Jungle Kings slice and dice Cheese Heads

Thanksgiving late eaters time
Chiefs (-3.5) at Cowboys
Squantos feast on the Pilgrims

Thanksgiving overeaters time
Bengals at Ravens (-7)
Scary Black Birds bury Burrow’s boys

Black Friday Afternoon Nap time
Bears at Eagles (-7)
Birds bully Bears

Football Cat lives in New Hampshire, enjoys watching football, and is a cat.

Football Cat’s Week 12 NFL Picks ’25

Posted on November 21, 2025 by naop Leave a comment

Please enjoy some pre-Thanksgiving haikus…

A Cat:
Humans are so strange.
Mine lies still in bed, then screams!
My claws aren’t that sharp.

Football:
Pigskin, gridiron
These equal true happiness
All thanks to Bert Bell

Robert Kraft:
Desperate for praise
Time for my prepaid close up
Get my booster seat

Kendra Middleton:
I crave attention
Look at me I am zany
Stop bothering me

Bob Socci:
This is not tv
Please give me down and distance
This is radio

Scott Zolak:
Must you grunt and groan
You are ruining the game
Try doing less coke

Sunday Lunch Time
Jets at Ravens (-13.5)
The Poes crawl out from under the floor boards

Steelers at Bears (-2.5)
Bears won’t be caged

Patriots (-8.5) at Bengals
Stripey cats can’t trap Pats

Giants at Lions (-10.5)
Jungle kings cut down Giants

Vikings at Packers (-6.5)
Packmen gobble up JJ

Colts at Chiefs (-3.5)
Native peoples corral Colts

Seahawks (-13.5) at Titans
Fake seabirds best the breasts

Sunday Dinner Time
Jaguars (-2.5) at Cardinals
Spotted cats swallow pretty red birds

Browns at Raiders (-3.5)
Black hole excretes the Browns

The photo Keebler didn’t want you to see

Eagles (-3.5) at Cowboys
Birds beat Boys

Falcons (1.5) at Saints
Saints flush Falcons in the Toilet Bowl

Sunday Prowl Time
Buccaneers at Rams (-6.5)
It’s no longer Baker Mayefield, it’s Baker Won’t-field

Monday Prowl Time
Panthers at 49ers (-7)
Purrrrdy boxes black cats

Football Cat lives in New Hampshire, enjoys watching football, and is a cat.

Football Cat’s Week 11 NFL Picks ’25

Posted on November 14, 2025 by naop Leave a comment

As DRAKE-A-MAYENIA sweeps the six state region, we’d just like to remind you where you first were introduced to that fantastic (and potentially lucrative) phrase… it was HERE, in Football Cat’s Week 13 NFL Picks ’24!

and also here, in Football Cat’s Week 15 NFL Picks ’24!

As part of our pending intellectual property infringement lawsuit(s), our special council has advised us to put all of our ideas out there (that’s legal jargon). So without further ado we bring you our latest potential merchandise ideas (TRADEMARK!):

Remember, never settle for cheap imitations when you can choose the high quality original! Only available (potentially) at the15net.com official store!

Sunday Desayuno Time
Commanders at Dolphins (-2.5)
¡Los delfines ganan!

Sunday Lunch Time
Panthers at Falcons (-3.5)
Black cats can’t catch a break, or find a win

Buccaneers at Bills (-6)
Bills bully Baker

Chargers (-3) at Jaguars
Spotted cats get zapped by Plugs

Bears at Vikings (-2.5)
Norsemen sneak by sleepy Bears

Packers (-7) at Giants
There will be no metamorphosis under Kafka’s leadership.

Bengals at Steelers (-5.5)
Yinzers flatten Flacco

Texans (-6) at Titans
Tex squeezes Tits

Sunday Dinner Time
49ers (-3) at Cardinals
Purrrrdy swallows pretty red birds

Seahawks at Rams (-3)
Horny sheep trample fake sea birds

Ravens (-7.5) at Browns
Scary black birds flush the Browns

Chiefs (-3.5) at Broncos
Chiefs bust Broncos

Sunday Prowl Time
Lions at Eagles (-2.5)
Jungle kings claw out a win in Philly

Monday Prowl Time
Cowboys (-3.5) at Raiders
Ranch hands rustle Raiders

Football Cat lives in New Hampshire, enjoys watching football, and is a cat.

Football Cat’s Week 10 NFL Picks ’25

Posted on November 7, 2025 by naop Leave a comment

News item: ESPN and Penn Entertainment are ending their sports-betting agreement early after failing to gain significant market share. The sports-media company will instead launch a new multiyear deal with industry leader DraftKings. The early ending for ESPN’s Penn Entertainment venture and ESPN Bet’s inability to gain scale is a sign of the grip DraftKings and FanDuel have on the market. Sports betting has exploded in America, but smaller companies and later entrants have been unable to capture fans’ attention.

We here at The15Net.com know how difficult it can be for the little guy to mix it up with the big boys, so we are offering up our services to Penn in its time of need. Our industry leading brand is a perfect fit for Penn’s deep pockets and poor judgement. We have year round features like the ever popular Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer, the wildly successful Football Cat’s Weekly NFL Picks, the eagerly awaited March Sadness, this summer’s surprise smash hit the Summer Mini-Tournament and a cornucopia of other fabulous rib ticklers and side splitters. How does “The15net Bets” sound to you?

And all for the low low price of only $15 million in cash per year! That’s a tenth of what you were paying ESPN, and no one even has access to that channel anymore. So please reach out to Mr. Steve Bosell, the Managing Editor of The15Net.com, at your earliest convenience (if you can find him).

Thank you for you attention to this matter.

Sunday Frühstück Time
Falcons at Colts (-6.5)
Indianapolis Jones triumphs over those Nazi inspired helmet logos

Sunday Lunch Time
Saints at Panthers (-5.5)
Black cats scare the bejesus out of the Saints

Giants at Bears (-4.5)
Bears send G-men into hibernation

Jaguars (-1.5) at Texans
Spotted cats have a problem in Houston

Bills (-9.5) at Dolphins
Buffalo grills Dolphins

Ravens (-4.5) at Vikings
Scary black birds continue to come back from the dead

Browns (-1.5) at Jets
Browns catch Firesale Ed’s team looking ahead to 2027

Patriots at Buccaneers (-2.5)
It’s no longer Baker Mayfield, it’s Baker ISfield!

Sunday Dinner Time
Cardinals at Seahawks (-6.5)
Fake Seabirds snatch up pretty red birds

Rams (-3) at 49ers
Horny sheep menace Mac

Lions (-7.5) at Commanders
Lions tame Swamp Things

Sunday Prowl Time
Steelers at Chargers (-3)
Bolts can’t penetrate the Men of Steel’s Faraday cage

Monday Prowl Time
Eagles at Packers (-2.5)
American Birds snap up Meat Men

Football Cat lives in New Hampshire, enjoys watching football, and is a cat.

Football Cat’s Week 9 NFL Picks ’25

Posted on October 30, 2025 by naop Leave a comment

We at Football Cat World Headquarters would like to thank the thousands of you who mailed in your postcards with answers to this week’s FBC Burning Question^©: “What would you give out to Trick-or-Treaters if you ran out of candy?”

Every one of your suggestions was fantastic, unfortunately we don’t have the bandwidth to print them all here, but rest assured they will be available for download once the World Series is over. Until then, enjoy this random assortment of responses:

“Blue square lapel pins” – Robert K., Brookline, MA

“A variety of Buddha faux succulent terrariums” – Arianne S., Peabody MA

“Hugs” – Mike M., Enfield CT

“Resumes” – Jerod M., North Attleborough, MA

“Disease infested blankets” – Jeffrey A., Amherst MA

“Yolks from hard boiled eggs” – Brian L., Mansfield MA

“Blue cupcakes” – Joshua M., Nashua NH

“EpiPens” – Kendra M., Jacksonville FL

“Keep your grimy fingers off my blue cupcakes f*ck face. Give out some of those hand sanitizer bottles you’ve been swigging.” – Roger S., Nashua NH

“Serial killer vibes” – Jonathan B., Stoughton MA

“A free ride home from any detox center” – Frank S., Peabody MA

“L’s” – Steve R., Lowell MA

“Charcoal” – Bryan D., Quincy MA

“I can’t remember the question” – Corey B., Dorchester, MA

Speaking of early onset Alzheimer’s, don’t forget to turn those clocks back on Sunday

Sunday Lunch Time
Bears (-2.5) at Bengals
Tigers lose to Bears, oh my!

Vikings at Lions (-8.5)
Jungle kings maul marauders

Panthers at Packers (-12.5)
Meatmen slice and dice black cats

I think I’d prefer the slicing and dicing

Broncos (-1.5) at Texans
Broncos nix Texicans

Falcons at Patriots (-5.5)
Patriots finally get revenge for almost losing the Super Bowl nine years ago

What did the Squirtle say to the Charmander?

49ers (-2.5) at Giants
Prospectors pinch Pituitaries

Colts (-3) at Steelers
Indianapolis Jones yanks Yinzers

Chargers (-9.5) at Titans
Bolts tingle Tits

Sunday Dinner Time
Saints at Rams (-14)
Saints get excommunicated in the City of Angels

Jaguars (-3) at Raiders
Spotty cats claw Pete’s poodles

Chiefs (-2) at Bills
Chiefs take down tatanka

Sunday Prowl Time
Seahawks (-3.5) at Commanders
Fake sea birds soar over swamp things

Monday Prowl Time
Cardinals at Cowboys (-2.5)
Cowboys cage pretty red birds

Football Cat lives in New Hampshire, enjoys watching football, and is a cat.

Football Cat’s Week 8 NFL Picks ’25

Posted on October 24, 2025 by naop Leave a comment

The call is coming from inside the house!

With Halloween only one week away you are probably looking for a fun, yet simple, way to get into the spooky spirit. Little did you know that bone chilling excitement is just a phone call away.

Traverse into the eerie elements of the other world and encounter those who lurk in the night. Call the Halloween Haunted Hotline at 585-IF-U-DARE! Carefully choose your fright, not all who call survive the night.
There are many haunted attractions in New England, but none scarier than the House on Harris Road in Nashua, NH. Home of the infamous “Death Couch”. Those who dare sit on the sofa will be doomed, and not just because they’ve come in contact with its sticky coating of ectoplasm. Within the past three years there have been documented cases of a man suffering a debilitating stroke, another being institutionalized (multiple times), numerous extraterrestrial visitations and one actual death happening to people after they’ve sat upon the cursed couch. If you’re interested in purchasing it, or some old ceiling tiles, you can call 603-881-6980. In lieu of cash, blue cupcakes will be accepted in trade.
In celebration of the Halloween season, Sony Pictures and Ghost Corps have launched a brand-new campaign, letting fans both call and text the Ghostbusters. If you’ve got something strange in your neighborhood to report, pick up the phone and call (or text) 516-718-TRAP.
Wrinkles the Clown is no Stephen King character, but that doesn’t make this real-life clown any less creepy. Based in Naples, Florida, this clown offers a wide variety of services, like performing at parties and intentionally scaring children. Calling 407-734-0254 sends you to his voicemail, where we’re told you can hear a pretty chilling message.
Would you like to speak with Frankenstein’s monosyllabic monster? Then just dial 617-779-7937 any weekday afternoon between 2 pm and 6 pm. Remember he has an abnormal brain, so please be patient and speak slowly.

Just remember that standard message and data rates may apply.

Sunday Lunch Time
Dolphins at Falcons (-7.5)
Penix penetrates porpoises

Bears at Ravens (-6.5)
Scary black birds spook da’ Bears

Bills (-7.5) at Panthers
Hairy cows rub black cats the wrong way

Jets at Bengals (-6.5)
Stripey cats maul Jets

49ers at Texans (-1.5)
Mac gives Houston problems

Browns at Patriots (-7)
It’s no longer Drake may… it’s Drake IS!

Giants at Eagles (-7.5)
Philly dash Dart

Sunday Dinner Time
Buccaneers (-4.5) at Saints
Bucs cook Cajuns

Cowboys at Broncos (-3.5)
Denver does Dallas

Titans at Colts (-14)
Indianapolis Jones whips Tits

Sunday Prowl Time
Packers at Steelers (-3)
Packmen rout Rodgers

Monday Prowl Time
Commanders at Chiefs (-12.5)
KC shuts down DC

Football Cat lives in New Hampshire, enjoys watching football, and is a cat.

Football Cat’s Week 6 NFL Picks ’25

Posted on October 9, 2025 by naop Leave a comment

Know Your Demon, Episode 12: The Succubus

Mythology of the Succubus
A succubus is a demon or supernatural entity in folklore and mythology, often depicted as a beautiful young woman who seduces men in their dreams, or on a flight from Massachusetts to Florida, feeds off their life energy and sometimes even causes death – or worse, she may ruin their reputation as the greatest football coach of all time! The Succubus has evolved from a terrifying figure in religious folklore to a more complex social influencer character in modern society, frequently representing temptation, seduction and danger. Her demonic nature makes her a fascinating figure in the intersection of desire, football and the supernatural.

Characteristics of the Succubus

Seductive Appearance: The Succubus typically appears as a beautiful and alluring young woman, using her physical attractiveness to manipulate and seduce her victims. She may even pretend to enjoy reading books on planes. While her outward appearance is stunning, it conceals her true demonic form, which can include bat-like wings, horns, a tail and a very snarky personality – marking her as a creature of the underworld.
Dream Manipulation: One of the Succubus’ defining traits is her ability to enter the dreams of her victims. The victim may be completely unaware that he would have been much happier hanging out with the Manning brothers every Monday Night, instead of listening to parents complain that lil’ Johnny Knoxboro isn’t getting enough playing time.
Energy Drain and Life Force Consumption: A Succubus sustains herself by feeding off the life energy (a.k.a. money) of her victims, often via multiple million dollar real estate transactions. Over time, repeated interaction with a Succubus can lead to a person’s gradual deterioration as their life force, and reputation as a football genius, is siphoned away.
Shape-Shifting and Immortality: Succubi are often portrayed as immoral demons who can take on any appearance they desire, making them highly skilled in deception. Their ability to transform allows them to infiltrate society and manipulate individuals with ease. They may appear as a cheerleader, or a philosopher, or a cheerleader philosopher, or even a philosopher cheerleader. A Succubus may claim to be a recent graduate from the New England Hair Academy but don’t be fooled, she has been ruining lives since the dawn of time.

If you suspect that you, or someone whose football acumen you love, may be under the influence of a Succubus please alert the University of North Carolina Athletic Department at (919) 843-2000 or by visiting their website, GoHeels.com!

Thank you for your attention to this matter.

Sunday English Muffin Time
Broncos (-7.5) at Jets
Broncos bang and mash jolly old Jets

Sunday Lunch Time
Rams (-7.5) at Ravens
Rams rout Ravens

Cowboys (-3) at Panthers
Cowboys flip off black cats

Cardinals at Colts (-7)
Indianapolis Jones rolls over red birds

Seahawks at Jaguars (-1.5)
Fake sea birds soar over spotted cats

Chargers (-4.5) at Dolphins
Bolts reel in fish

Browns at Steelers (-5.5)
Yinzers devour Brownies

Patriots (-3.5) at Saints
Krafts cook Cajuns

Sunday Dinner Time
Titans at Raiders (-3.5)
Vegas tops Tits

49ers at Buccaneers (-3)
Baker’s boys boil Mac

Bengals at Packers (-14)
Meatmen grind stripey cats

Sunday Prowl Time
Lions at Chiefs (-2.5)
Taylor’s team tames lions

Monday Prowl Time
Bills (-4.5) at Falcons
Bills bounce back

Bears at Commanders (-4.5)
Washington shuts down Ditkas

Football Cat lives in New Hampshire, enjoys watching football, and is a cat.

Football Cat’s Week 5 NFL Picks ’25

Posted on October 2, 2025 by naop Leave a comment

Breaking News: Baseball is officially over! Time to take out the air conditioners, put in the storm windows and start raking those pesky leaves. Sounds like a fun weekend of puttering around until Sunday Night Football, but you know what else sounds like fun? Banking goodwill with you significant other! Week 5 has a horrific lineup of games and the weather is supposed to be glorious. There’s no better time than now to break out the official The15 Fall Event Avoidance Generator and topsy turvy that motherf*cker. It’s the perfect opportunity for you, yes YOU, to bite the bullet and invite your loved one to the Foliage Brunch or the Hay Festival or even a trip to the Apple Maze. The Patriots play at 1 o’clock for the next five weeks – think ahead. Remember failing to plan is planning to fail.