Tag Archives: basketball

12/17/2025 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

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Two goals in one game. Pretty good. Is a hattie for Geekie in the future?

They used to have cool pregame montages before big games on TV.

Biff Poggi is a tremendous Star Wars name.

Imagine how sore Phil Rivers is this morning. Damn. And there’ll be somebody reminding him, “it’s always worse the second day!”

Bummed the NBA cup is over, I really enjoyed not having games to watch.

I know America is back because I’m watching a white linebacker named “Jack.”

If Buddy Cianci was still Mayor, this guy would have been caught within a couple hours. Figure it out.

Holy cow. What a tragedy. Pray for Mahomes.

Do you think Donnie Wahlberg has a red phone that TV producers call when they need a Boston-themed gameday promo?

Ann Michael Maye make your husband as many peppermint chocolate cookies as he WANTS.

Cakes are cooking for Chris Matthews, Ernie Hudson, Eugene Levy, Wes Studi, James Alexander, Paul Rodgers, Ken Hitchcock, Barry Livingston, Bill Pullman, Peter Farrelly, Mike Mills, Tammie Green, Michele Tafoya, Craig Berube, Vincent Damphousse, Curtis Pride, Chuck Liddell, DJ Homicide, Claire Forlani, Tony Richardson, Laurie Holden, Rian Johnson, Giovonni Ribisi, Duff Goldman, Sarah Paulson, Milla Jovovich, Takeo Spikes, Arnaud Clement, Alex Cintrón, Chase Utley, Manny Pacquiao, Neil Sanderson, Jaimee Foxworth, Ryan Hunter-Reay, David Longstreth, and Nat Wolff.

Yeah, bro. Just add 3 MPH to your fastball.

Hey gang, this week’s Phrase that Pays is, “Let’s not disparage big floppy tits.”

Coach Drip should take the ‘72 Lombardi out and drag it out around the parking lot from a rope tied to his car.

Nick Wright looks like he’d challenge Indiana Jones to a scimitar duel.

Blue Line: Delays of about 10 minutes while a maintenance train inspects the overhead wires between Airport and Wonderland. Trains may stand by at stations.

An ACL tear is a sprained knee as a stroke is a headache.

This part of the calendar is hysterical. Half the days I’m using up my PTO and the other ones, my calendar is so empty that I’m sitting around diagramming new drills to run in my practices.

Carlton Davis III has returned to the game (fourth quarter, 9:55).

Congratulations to the New York Knicks for winning the NBA Emirates Cup. As far as made-up awards from an ethically dubious outfit, it’s no FIFA Peace Prize.

Had no idea there was a Utah NHL team. Been living under a rock I guess.

Honk if you remember where they serve meat in Melrose.

Just heard a radio commercial for a water filtration system. The woman doing the V/O says “it’s echo friendly” as in An echo that goes hello, hello…..isnt it pronounced eeeeeco(eco)? these are the things that keep me up these days……ugh.

Mentho-Lyptus!

Carlton Davis reminds me so much of Browner. Hope he doesn’t try to kill his girlfriend in a few years.

Decide yourself if radio’s gonna stay
Reason it could polish up the gray
Put that, put that, put that up your wall
That this isn’t country at all
Radio station decide yourself

Keep me out of country and the word
Wheel of fortune’s leading us absurd
Push that, push that, push that to the floor
That this isn’t nothing at all
Straight off the boat, where to go

Calling out in transit
Calling out in transit
Radio Free Europe (Radio)

Weather app tells me it feels like Drake Maye’s uniform number outside right now. I wish it felt like his completion percentage.

Families allow you to spend time with people you would otherwise never associate with.

How does Adam Jones not get punched every day?

Perhaps a boost the Bearcats need as Jizzle James returns to the basketball roster.

I swear Cena is having his 5th “last match” in a 3-month span.

Ann Michael Maye likes baking, and terrariums, and firetrucks, and hugs.

For seasonal home decorations, The Nightmare Before Christmas is really the way to go. Put them up early October when it’s still nice out and let it ride all the way through New Year’s.

Chloe the German Shepherd a suspect yet in that Hollywood double murder?

Fun Fact: Winning the NBA Cup qualifies the Knicks for the 2026 CONCACAF Champions League.

Eh, Patriots just got the Michael Gee Memorial pre-playoff loss out of the way.

Selling the Pittsburgh Penguins means FSG can focus of the Red Sox again. Right?

Best bet for the weekend: throwing all the records out the window when JMU takes on Oregon.

Congratulations to Bianca de la Garza on being recognized as Dame of the House of Savoy in the August family of chivalric orders. There is nuthin’ like a dame.

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Joe Giza, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. Rock and Roll fantasy.

And happy birthday to Canadian actress Katheryn Winnick.

TO’s & Threes – Celtics Column 11/20/25

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Joe is our psycho and we love him.

By Vinny Jace, Special to the15net dot com:

Throughout the first few weeks of the regular season, coach Joe Mazzulla has discovered what works and what doesn’t: tapering the rotation, trimming Anfernee Simons’ minutes when it’s clear he doesn’t have it, and putting Chris Boucher on ice to free up minutes for the emerging Neemias Queta and the hot-and-cold Luka Garza.

It’s no secret what Boston lacked heading into the season and continues to miss—a glaring void that stares you in the face during every game: the absence of elite passing, dribbling, a steady hand at the wheel during moments of crisis, and rebounding whenever Queta is on the bench.

Not having Jayson Tatum around makes it easier for opposing teams to strangle the offense, especially in the last two minutes. The Celtics in the clutch lack sufficient answers, and the offense reverts to a “cross your fingers and hope it works out” philosophy. Boston sports a 2-6 record in close games. Their offensive rating sits at 118.4; defensive rating at 112.9; and net rating at +5.4. Derrick White and Payton Pritchard are solid players, but filling in for the role Jrue Holiday once did is above their pay grade. They’re better suited as connective passers, not table-setters.

Johnston Joe is a hard-nosed Rhode Islander.

How the Celtics cobbled together 7 wins in the season’s first 14 games stems from a hard-nosed, barebones approach that takes every game to the wire. If I were to tell you White was shooting just 35.9% to start the year, you’d assume the team ranked amongst the dregs. But it’s how players like him have contributed on defense even when being challenged offensively that is a testament to “Mazzulla-Ball” and its flexibility. Defense is the real bulwark of this team that’s held together by duct tape—White being the best shot-blocking guard on any roster.

The aforementioned big man, Queta, and his 7-foot frame—able to shift his hips like a soccer player on the pitch to stay with his man even outside the paint—keeps the defense from having to collapse inside to help. His 108.7 defensive rating, on top of his +13.1 on/off-court rating, showcases the rewards of Boston’s years of development of him since coming over from Sacramento. It was once far-fetched to imagine Queta being anything but a rotational big man; now, you have to imagine a contract extension is in play if he keeps this up.

There is no need to be afraid of Jordan Walsh when he is off the court.

In the middle of their in-between season, the Celtics have managed to keep themselves interesting. Jordan Walsh is slowly emerging as a credible defender, having back-to-back solid efforts against Tyrese Maxey and James Harden. The younger players have earned their keep.

Fans have labeled the Celtics’ approach to the season “Ethical Tanking”—losing games while maintaining competitiveness. While it’s likelier to land the Celtics outside of the lottery, perhaps it leaves open the possibility that they aren’t far from re-entering the title conversation when Tatum comes back next season.

Vinny Jace appears on the Entitled Weekend podcast. He does not live in Johnston.

TO’s & Threes – Celtics Column 11/25

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Get well soon, champ.

By Vinny Jace, Special to the15net dot com:

The expectations for this Celtics season were always tough to gauge. For one, not having your best player—Jayson Tatum, out with an Achilles tear—caps their ceiling dramatically. The dire salary cap situation forced management to prioritize jettisoning big contracts to clear the books, meaning free agents like Guerschon Yabusele and in-house vets Al Horford and Luke Kornet weren’t options.

It’s a bitter pill for a fan base riding the Jayson Tatum contention wave since 2018. One wrong step, and the franchise is mired in a rut not seen since the Big Three era cleared out.

The solace in this dour hour? Maybe the Celtics land among the NBA’s dregs, in the lottery, where a top-flight prospect rejuvenates a roster quietly desperate for youth and trade assets.

But even this talent-depleted squad isn’t bad enough for lottery glory. Like it or not, they house a Finals MVP (Jaylen Brown), an All-Defensive guard (Derrick White), and the reigning Sixth Man (Payton Pritchard). Not to mention 3-and-D sharpshooter Sam Hauser—a marksman any team would covet.

It’s not rocket science, or aerospace engineering.

Yes, beyond that, they lack dudes who dribble, pass, and rebound. But the NBA—especially the East—is littered with worse. On any given night, Jaylen Brown can have flames shooting out his ass, scoring from a phone booth. Derrick White can rim-protect like a center. This leaves room for the scrubs role players to punch above: Minott, Garza, Boucher, Simons – channeling ghosts of better days.

Josh Minott, Luka Garza, Chris Boucher—and especially Anfernee Simons—aren’t championship pieces. Simons? Damian Lillard shot selection without the justification. But some nights, he splashes enough to steal W’s.

We all have a role to play,

The three-point revolution proved basketball is math, not art. Bomb from deep, randomize outcomes, level the field. The Celtics are 3-4. Only the victims of one blow out, despite trash stats: 43.6% FG (27th), 32.6% 3PT (26th). No surprise—they lost three 7-foot rim protectors, replaced by barely warm bodies.

How bad are they? A 42-win squad waiting for luck? The worst clutch team ever, dropping 55 by slim margins? This ain’t 2014—no Vitor Faverani heater flipping Ws to Ls. There are made men here. That scares me.

This team wasn’t built to compete. It was built to carve cap space for Tatum/Brown 2.0. We’re too early to predict that era.

‘It is difficult to make predictions, especially about the future’. Karl Kristian Steincke

Vinny Jace appears on the Entitled Weekend podcast. He does not live in Denmark.

10/29/2025 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

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An Instant Classic World Series?

The first thing I’d ask if I were at a crooked poker game is, ‘Does the table always hum like that?’

Once again, the local media contingent is the last to know breaking Patriots news.

I thought we had so many years left with Beef. His absence leaves a void that can only be filled with fatter, more hilariously named men.

You know it could be a good day when one of the first things you hear is Screamin’ Jay Hawkins singing “I Put A Spell On You.”

Does Eliot Wolf fancy himself as some kind of 6th round draft savant?

The Bruins appear to be bipolar. Unfortunately.

That stuff that Chauncey Billups and Damon Jones are accused of is legitimately the type of stuff that gets people taken out. No exaggeration.

Cakes are cooking for Ralph Bakshi, Claude Brochu, Robbie van Leeuwen, Richard Dreyfuss, Kate Jackson, Guy Gelso, Denis Potvin, Lee Child, Roger O’Donnell, Dan Castellaneta, Jesse Barfield, Mike Gartner, Michael Carter, Randy Jackson, Yasmin Le Bon, Peter Timmons, Joely Fisher, Rufus Sewell, Peter Breen, Marquez Pope, Gabrielle Union, Tracee Ellis Ross, Michael Shur, Ben Foster, Amanda Beard, Maurice Clarett, Chris Baio, Eric Staal, Gio Benitez, Andy Dalton, and Evan Fournier.

Sarge, that picture should be titled ‘Beefcake Heaven’ or the ‘Studs on Causeway.’

It’s always best to point shave in game 7 of the ECF, a game nobody pays attention to.

Orange Line Update: Please continue to expect delays of about 10 minutes while signal personnel work to overcome a switch problem at Oak Grove.

Does Hogdale become the new Barstool Beef automatically, or is a vote needed?

I’m just gonna go ahead and say it: I love rugby style punters.

Hey gang of fun-haters, this week’s Phrase that Pays is, “One-day contracts are stupid.”

Never thought I’d be looking at the NBA Tankathon page again so soon but here we are.

Brian Kelly. Free to pursue other opportunities.

I never understood how an inverted W isn’t just an M.

Pablo Torre’s working on Jordon Hudson’s connection to this NBA gambling scandal.

Coach Vrabes is whacking people with connections to the Lombardi crime family.

Isn’t Dybantsa the drug that treats POTS?

There are survivalist ham radio operators with better Arbitron ratings than WEEI’s lineup.

I am physically incapable of not saying Quinshon Judkins without using the same cadence as ‘Leroy Jenkins.’

Climate change stops when we harness the power of pregame show fake laughs for clean energy.

In Deliver Me from Nowhere, Bruce Springsteen says his favorite hotdog condiment is mustard but in real life, Bruce Springsteen hates mustard so much he did a whole yap about it during a show. How the hell did E Street Ombudsman Gary W. Tallent let this happen?

Working on a fun story tonight where I get to combine two passions: special teams and apple cider doughnuts.

We’ve reached the point where it’s no longer Hazel may … it’s Hazel does.

Today I learned that primer is pronounced, ‘primmer’ when used as a preview of something. I have been mispronouncing that for 46 years.

It’s like those veteran suicide awareness commercials, but instead of some jarhead, they send in Bill Burt and “Hardy.”

Barstool Tofu is still alive and well.

Robert Saleh’s defense loves undersized interior penetrators.

I put a spell on you
Because you’re mine
Stop the things you tell
Watch out, I ain’t lyin’.

Yeah, I can’t stand it
No runnin’ around
I can’t stand it
No, put me down.

I put a spell on you
Because you’re mine, oh yeah
Stop the things you do
Watch out, I ain’t lyin’.

Pets are the best so you just have to give them the best life possible while you can and let them live forever in your memories.

Fun Fact: Point shaving in the WNBA is called point waxing.

Pats should sign Jerod Mayo to a one-day contract and immediately cut him.

Honk if you remember the F/V Andrea Gail.

Or maybe Barstool is like Al-Qaeda: One leader dies, they’re automatically replaced. Seamless transition.

TreyVeyon got his touches! Now what to complain about?

If Hogdale is streaming to ten people during a normal game, I wonder what was happening in the 18th inning the other night.

Another reminder MLB should have emergency backup pitchers in the stands. EBUPs.

I can’t remember a Sunday night when I didn’t think Cris Collinsworth is an asshole. Last Sunday was not one of them.

Sad about Logan Mankins. Maybe Speros stole his donor kidney?

Why on Earth is Marlins Man still a thing? Go away already. It’s played out.

Best bet for the weekend: zero bags of leftover candy.

Bad start, good finish.

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Joe Giza, Old Friends Hacksaw & Yahtzee, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. Happy Halloween, ladies. (laughs) Nuns. No sense of humor.

And happy Birthday to actress Winona Ryder, who puts one on a Halloween frame of mind.

07/02/2025 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

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Free Jacks FreePeat ThreePeat!

Are we sure Kornet’s gone? Shams might just be using the Celtics for clicks.

During the NBA Draft my dog ran and hid under the bed when Adam Silver came out.

I believe the AP Hockey Stylebook would prefer “Hagsy” to be James Hagen’s Bruins nickname.

Is the L in Luka Garza’s name silent, like the H in Hugo Gonzalez’s?

Jahmai Webster should tell Bradfo his secret to keeping shirts wrinkle-free.

What is going on at the Wimbledon Women’s draw?!

Welcome to Boston Alex Steeves, Tanner Jeannot, Sean Kuraly, and Michael Eyssimon.

Keep on that grind, JT. The fan base and the city are behind you 100%. Before you know it you’re gonna be dominating the league again. There’s still so much more left to be written in your Celtics story.

Did the Bruins make a good first round draft pick simply because their internet cut out and they were on autodraft?

Cakes are cooking for Imelda Marcos, Robert Ito, Polly Holliday, Richard Petty, John H. Sununu, Larry David, Saul Rubinek, Roy Bittan, Johnny Colla, Brandel Chamblee, Jose Canseco, Mark Tewksbury, Monie Love, Jared Palmer, Troy Brown, Éric Dazé, Owain Yeoman, Joe Thornton, Michelle Branch, Johnny Weir, Ashley Tisdale, Lindsay Lohan, Alex Morgan, Margot Robbie, and Saweetie.

Are we ever going to hear the results of the Lifshatz referee investigations?

Green Line B Branch Update: Regular service has resumed. This delay has cleared.

Hugo Gonzalez? The many Spanish Celtics fans I know will be thrilled.

Kudos to you for finding out the identity of the guy who uses his real name on Twitter.

I hoped Marchand came back to the Bruins so they can trade him at the deadline again for another #1 pick.

I don’t think I’m being hyperbolic when I say the 2-6 show on WEEI is the actual worst regular show either station has ever trotted out. Which is saying something.

Feel like I should be having a Maine Beer Co. brew right now out of respect to Cooper Flagg.

At random events for work I tell people that Andy Wong is my uncle.

Hey gang of stick-tappers, this week’s Phrase that Pays is, “You just have to let the draft come to you.”

2025 NBA Draft had no shortage of cryers.

Whichever Market Basket executive pledges to once again start selling their hot dog rolls in packs of 8 instead of 6 has my vote to replace Artie T.

Yesterday at this time it was 94° with a real feel of 104°. In my part of RI that is NOT normal. Today it’s 65° and cloudy with a slight breeze. 30 degrees of difference in 24 hours is nuts.

Lying about being a women’s basketball insider is deranged.

Wander Franco got 2-year suspended sentence for raping a 14-year-old? Was Jerry Thornton the judge?

I miss when Rod Thorn used to do the second round of the draft.

Overrate the Kowloon some more.

News Item: Phil Pressey has been named the new Head Coach of the Maine Celtics.

Don’t feel bad for Damian Lillard. This is a win-win. Dame had a player option for next summer that he was considering not exercising. No secret living away from family in Milwaukee was a challenge. So he gets his $ and is now an unrestricted free agent free to go where HE wants.

Hey Sydney Sweeney, fair warning, Tom Brady has to be an awful fuck. You know he can’t just enjoy it; he’s got to execute in all three phases.

Bobby Bonilla Day BWAHAHAHAHAHA! AMIRITE?

You know you’ve been in this draft watching game a long time when the player your team drafts looks like your son’s best friend.

Roberto Alomar gave Shaughnessy’s niece AIDS. Well, that’s how I heard it.

Honk if you remember when Pete Abe tweeted out a screen shot of some random Instagram girl’s ass and then pretended like he got hacked.

You can tell Bill and Ryen are serious basketball analysts by how often they refer to players as “assets.”

Was going thru my whiskey bottles to grab one for vacation and couldn’t believe how much i have in the house. Haven’t touched it since December. Wowowo allowing my gray matter neurons to heal.

A nice screened in porch is the perfect summer amenity.

Marner, if he ends up with Boston, will change spelling of last name to MAH-nuh. Just to assimilate.

I like my bands in business suits, I watch them on TV
I’m working out most every day and watching what I eat
They tell me that it’s good for me, but I don’t even care
I know that it’s crazy
I know that it’s nowhere
But there is no denying that

It’s hip to be square
It’s hip to be square
It’s hip to be square
So hip to be square.

Yeah, the guy who got fired from the two-hour Saturday morning show is tapped into the Celtics’ front office.

A: Chico, Burrito, and Shaman.

In New England culture sometimes all carbonated soft drinks are referred to as tonic.

Bruins should take a look at Brynov Tsaevarski.

If BYU If doesn’t want their student-athletes having sex they should just have them all get married.

“One may know how to draft without knowing how to do it” – Sun Tzu Dupont

Did Jordon Hudson outbid Pablo Torre for a pair of heels on eBay? WTF.

Get well soon, Red Panda.

Best bet for the weekend: the busiest Fourth of July ever for travel.

Hearing reports traffic is backed up from the Cape bridges to the gas tanks.

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. HBD USA.

And happy birthday to supermodel, actress and Texas gal Jerry Hall, who appeared in the 1992 film, ‘Freejack.’

06/25/2025 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

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Thanks for helping the Celtics earn Banner 18, gentlemen. Good luck with your new squads.

Congrats to the Sonic Thunder. Does that count as their second title, or is appropriating another city’s titles just an LA thing?

Should’ve at least gotten Yaz back for Raffy, that’s just an obvious one, Craig.

Anfernee for Jrue is also an upgrade in the important ‘preposterously spelled first name’ category.

I’ll say this: a woman who shits herself hasn’t owned Boston this hard since Uta Pippig won the Marathon back in ‘96.

Carrabis is so personally hurt that another guy with a tattoo sleeve doesn’t want to be besties with him.

Monday morning quarterbacking here but it would have been cool to see Mikayla Timpson minutes as a counter to the Valkyries frontcourt speed.

Kristian Campbell’s slump is like a cough that you think is only going to last two weeks but instead it keeps getting worse and you wonder if you are even going to make it out of it alive.

Georges Niang looks like a heroin dealer on the Marseilles waterfront.

Holy fuck, was that sun ridiculously goddamn hot here in Boston yesterday. Not sure I remember ever feeling this level of heat before. Check on your neighbors to make sure they have enough water and Percocet.

Prediction: KD will be happy for two months and then get hurt and then be mad that the crowd cheered too loud for VanVleet when he was out and he’ll demand a trade.

Casually dropping the N bomb on air is insane.

Cakes are cooking for June Lockhart, Peter Blake, James Meredith, Eddie Floyd, Carly Simon, Jimmie Walker, Lee Wilkof, Tim Finn, David Paich, Sonia Sotomayor, Paris Themmen, Ricky Gervais, Doug Gilmour, Mike Stanley, Dell Curry, John McCrea, Aaron Sele, Angela Kinsey, Carlos Delgado, Milan Hnilicka, Vernon Crawford, Linda Cardellini, José Cancela, Busy Philipps, Hirooki Goto, La La Anthony, Annaleigh Ashford, Benson Boone, and Mckenna Grace.

Strange loyalty to video game companies basically created arguing on the internet.

The only way WWE decides to hold a show in Saudi on Saturday, is if they’ve had assurances they’re not in danger. To all the tribal wrestling fans: I don’t believe they would send people into imminent danger to hold a freaking PLE.

How bad is the economy that Upton Bell is reduced to cruising in a *Planet Fitness*?

For those asking, yes, new Mets reliever Richard Lovelady has requested to go by his nickname Dicky. So it will be Dicky Lovelady from here on out.

Maybe that Sports Hub guy wanted Golden State assistant coach Nick Kerr’s boat?

If I see one more tweet about Len Bias dying I’m gonna…probably do nothing. But for fuck’s sake…

Hey gang of luckless motorists! This week’s Phrase that Pays is, “You are outside your mind if you think you’re sending me a picture of a dead deer,”

Every Red Sox podcaster looks like they have been accused of date rape at least once.

Green Line D branch: Eastbound delays of about 20 minutes due to a signal problem at Riverside. Trains may stand by at stations.

To the men at the gym: Put your nipple(s) away. Please.

I don’t know if I’m in the minority, but I despise when wrestlers have more than, like, 2 belts max.

Steph Curry is half a Nick Kerr.

Will the updated quarterly dummy rankings be released before the long July 4th weekend?

I thought BYFBO was “bring your fat butt over.”

Would advise all gay men with naturally hairy bodies to stop shaving their legs. It looks weird. As a hairy Jew/Italian myself, trim is great. But totally smooth? Strange and unnatural.

Bob Ryan on Russillo’s pod claimed to be the president of the TJ McConnell fan club, then immediately called him TJ O’Connell.

NBC10 should change their call letters to WFKR.

Fun fact: There’s more jazz in Utah than there are lakes in Los Angeles.

Never trust anyone who doesn’t like Joe Walsh. Even people who hate the Eagles are like “But Joe Walsh is alright.”

I’m already annoyed by the people at the gym tomorrow morning.

In other great news, Drake Mayeberry finally married the first girl he ever kissed. This doesn’t bode well for his decision-making ability.

Dozier > Hozier.

Jaylen Brown cannot dribble and does not appreciate infrastructure.

Has Jonathan Bowen shipped out to Iran yet?

As a kid, I cleaned the theaters at the local movie theater on the weekends. I’d sometimes ask for the promotional posters. I had a Howard the Duck poster, which I’d affixed to my bedroom wall for years. He was right next to Heather Thomas. Sigh.

This Nick Kerr is crazy!

Did anyone else ever have a nun turning the World Series game on the radio when 1 o’clock rolled around?

I got you, that’s all I want
I won’t forget, that’s a whole lot
I don’t go out, not now that you’re in
Sometimes we shout, but that’s no problem

I don’t know why sometimes I get frightened
You can see my eyes, you can tell that I’m not lyin’

Look at you, you’re a pageant
You’re everything, that I’ve imagined
Somethings wrong, I feel uneasy
You show me, tell me you’re not teasin’

I don’t know why sometimes I get frightened
You can see my eyes, you can tell that I’m not lyin’

The Aaron Rodgers and Pittsburgh Steelers situation fascinates me.

Honk if you remember the Skybox Restaurant & Sports Bar.

Do you denounce Kate Peter? And all her works?

Dakota Johnson on ‘Hot Ones’ made me appreciate her so much more. Something about the vulnerability the show creates in people can show you who they are. She seems so genuine.

Chet Holmgren is just a tall version of Kip from Napoleon Dynamite after he gets a black gf.

These sincere apologizes are becoming increasingly frequent and insincere.

Karen Read is built like Chris Klemmer.

Wayne’s Fatha is going to be disappointed when he discovers PLAYA BOWLS isn’t a competitor to Wamesit Lanes.

Aloha may mean many things. But pae ʻia means ‘stranded.’

Congratulations to Zdeno Chara & Joe Thornton on making the Hockey Hall of Fame.

Best bet for the weekend: a great crowd coming out to root on the Free Jacks.

“Well, it is finally official. Murder is legal in the state of Massachusetts.”

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. You don’t have to prove to me you’re beautiful to strangers, I’ve got lovin’ eyes of my own.

Heather. Thomas. Poster. Think she’s any good? Heh heh heh.

05/14/2025 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

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Miss Maine 2025 is apparently from Bangor. Supply the requisite punchline yourselves.

It’s like none of you guys think Finals MVP Jaylen doesn’t have it in him to carry this team to eleven more wins.

Not trading Devers to the Padres unless Orsillo is in the package.

Show Maple Leaf Square!

If I were on trial I’d probably just call in sick until they give up.

Flagg’s parents are very anti-Zionist and with Miriam Adelson owning the Mavericks expect some litigation and fireworks to get his signature on a contract w the Mavericks. This is not a done deal by any stretch.

You know who belongs in the Hall of Fame? Luis Tiant.

On May 11, 1888, a baby boy named Israel Beilin was born in Tyumen, Russian Empire. His family emigrated here in 1893 and his songs would make America a better place. You and I know him as Irving Berlin.

Al Horford has great foul-protesting eyebrows.

What are the duties of Miss Maine? Does she get to ceremonially shutter paper mills?

Cakes are cooking for Tony Pérez, Francesca Annis, George Lucas, Al Ciner, Walter Olkewicz, Season Hubley, David Byrne, Robert Zemeckis, Tom Cochrane, Alain Vigneault, Tim Roth, C.C. DeVille, Ian Astbury, Pat Borders, Fab Morvan, Pooh Richardson, Raphael Saadiq, Cate Blanchett, Danny Wood, Sofia Coppola, Shanice, Amber Tamblyn, Mark Zuckerberg, Robert Gronkowski, and Kristina Mladenovic.

I don’t know who Mo Khan is but he looks like he’s depriving the Heat of a perfectly hateable role player off the bench.

Cena’s gonna slap the ref and get DQed isn’t he?

If you want me to be an adult about the Tatum injury, you have to stop tweeting about WWE and Marvel movies.

Lynn Ferry Update: The Lynn Ferry will resume its normal schedule tomorrow, May 15, at the start of service.

You can’t say “folks” when you have seven followers.

I’ve been a toilet-owner for decades and there are still few things that cause a momentary spike in blood pressure like flushing a toilet and watching the water level proceed to rise.

Nick Wright’s mom always has to tell him, ‘stop arguing with me, you’re too smart.’

Losing to a shitty Knicks team was the impetus for Ainge making the tear-down trade that got them Tatum and Brown.

Hey gang of persons of interest! This week’s Phrase that Pays is, “He’s just asking for bleach soap.”

Tommy Heinsohn always thought T.J. McConnell was underrated and should be getting more minutes on whatever team he was on. Ish Smith was also in that category for Tommy.

Mazzulla needs the chess master to teach him how to tank.

It’s weird that the media collectively decided it’s ok to call Jordon a whore and a floozy. If we are done supporting women in sports, let’s bounce Doris, ASAP. Also, “she’s unqualified!” For what? Are there 8 years of schooling for personal assistants I’m unaware of?

You ever throw on some Gregory Alan Isakov and stare at the trees? Is that just me?

The trope that good teams win the one-run games is, of course, the exact opposite of what the data shows to be true. Good teams have a better winning percentage in 2-run games than 1-run games, better in 3-run margin games than 2-run games, etc.

Luckily the Dubs got Playoff Jimmy so that if something were to happen to Curry the whole thing wouldn’t immediately go tits up.

Heavily agree with OB here. No better smell on this planet than fresh mulch.

That pop for LA Knight tho. #WWEBacklash

The damage done to society by pretending broads are funny is immeasurable.

Pete Rose will now be eligible for Hall of Fame consideration. Never forget that while Pete Rose may have loved baseball more than anyone on earth, he loved gambling more.

There’s a city in my mind
Come along and take that ride
And it’s alright, baby, it’s alright

And it’s very far away
But it’s growing day by day
And it’s alright, baby, it’s alright

And would you like to come along?
You could help me sing this song
And it’s alright, baby, it’s alright

They can tell you what to do
But they’ll make a fool of you
And it’s alright, baby, it’s alright

We’re on a road to nowhere (hey)
We’re on a road to nowhere (hey)
We’re on a road to nowhere (hey-hey)

Not really looking forward to the next Celtics City episode featuring the Jordan Walsh Era.

The older you get, the more you begin to talk about the first job you got out of college like you’re Quint from Jaws.

The Athletic sending Buckley to cover Miss Maine feels like an HR violation.

Honk if you remember Skylab.

Should I bring a bottle of white wine, or red to the NFL schedule release party?

OG Anunoby 3-pointer in the first minute was later removed during a break when replay showed it was released after the 24-second clock drained. … Usually you only see points come off the board in Jeopardy.

The new Pope should go on Hot Ones.

I believe the NBA believes they have a draft lottery.

Teams in two-team cities should trade parks once a year just for kicks. White Sox play a series in Wiggley, Mets play a series in Janqui, Dodgers play a series in Anaheim. Giants not required to trek to Sacramento.

A sense of joy is the best way to approach every day. Tatum on pointe.

I heard Yoshida is at the point in his rehab where he is not ‘actively frightened’ by being in the same room with a baseball.

Best bet for the weekend: college commencement ceremonies. Wear sunscreen.

Big Jim Murray looks like a disinherited Saudi prince.

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Bill James, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. Blue skies smiling at me. Nothing but blue skies do I see.

And happy birthday to actress & singer Miranda Cosgrove.

05/07/2025 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

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If Stefon understands the new playbook as well as he understood the Met Gala ‘Black Dandyism’ theme, good times ahead in New England.

If I were the Celtics I simply wouldn’t have missed 45 out of 60 of my 3-point shots.

Popular player with the additional benefit of recency bias wins popularity contest. Oh noes! Congratulations Julian.

Why do I love small ball so much?

Unfortunately because of my knee injury I sustained at the end of the season I wasn’t be able to attend the Met Gala in NY last night as so many people have been asking and congratulating me on! Hate to miss an historical event! My beautiful powerful Queen was there holding the castle down as she always has done!

May the Fourth only Star Wars Day if you have a lisp.

Interacting with me on this app is like dumping a packet of pop rocks in your mouth and then taking a swig of sprite and shaking your face around. I wouldn’t have it any other way. True story tho.

Get well soon Triston.

Celts and Knicks have only had two playoff series since 1990. Damn.

St Louis got the Jim Montgomery Experience.

Cakes are cooking for Christy Moore, Bill Danoff, Randall ‘Tex’ Cobb, Amy Heckerling, Phil “Wizzö” Campbell, Ronnie Harmon, Chris O’Connor, Eagle Eye Cherry, Katerina Maleeva, Breckin Meyer, Matt Helders, and Cameron Young.

I don’t think Ben Volin knows what a liquidation sale is.

May 7, 1925: Pittsburgh Pirates shortstop Glenn Wright records a rare unassisted triple play. Against St. Louis in the 9th inning he catches a liner hit by Jim Bottomley, steps on second base to retire Jimmy Cooney and tags out Rogers Hornsby. Still, the Cardinals win, 10-9.

I like how religious Jerry Thornton is after years of celebrating 13-year-old boys fucking their teachers.

Hey gang of hall monitors! Thsis week’s Phrase that Pays is, “With all due respect you look like you just woke up on a hospital floor.”

I hope the Lakers waited for the Clippers at LAX for the trip to Cancun.

How come I never see the Mets at the Met Gala?

Same old Red Sox that we have seen for four years, isn’t it? Play well for a week, give away games the next, injuries at key spots, players playing positions they’re really not good at, middle relief is as reliable as Motel 6 air conditioning.

Just had a beer in the Cask with Justin Topa’s dad.

The Bill Russell Bridge (aka the new ‘Close the fuckin’ bridge!’ Bridge) and Boston Harbor are awash in green (the Harbor’s color about 35-40 years ago).

Sometimes a morning shower really hits perfectly.

Orange Line Reminder: Beginning at 8:30 PM Friday, May 9, through end of service Sunday, May 18. Shuttle Buses replace service between Oak Grove and North Station due to MassDOT bridge work.

How many goddamn slaves you need for a camel race?

I shouldn’t confuse Lily-Rose Depp and Millie Bobby Brown. But I do.

So I just learned that there’s a Wahlburgers about 5 miles away. I love a good burger, but not with a ton of crap on it. Meat, cheese, mustard, bread. Maybe some bacon. Not paying for crap I don’t want to eat.

Go on and close the curtains
‘Cause all we need is candlelight
You and me, and a bottle of wine
To hold you tonight (oh, yeah)
Well, we know I’m going away
And how I wish, I wish it weren’t so
So take this wine and drink with me
And let’s delay our misery:

Save tonight, and fight the break of dawn
Come tomorrow, tomorrow I’ll be gone.
Save tonight, and fight the break of dawn
Come tomorrow, tomorrow I’ll be gone.

I got a dwi one Halloween dressed as Hulk Hogan. Couldn’t even get Jimmy Hart on the phone. Someone threw an apple at my head.

Honk if you remember Shelley Long.

It’s got to kill the media to finally get rid of Belichick but then have to deal with Joe.

Hey Dart Adams: What were the circumstances surrounding John Amos leaving Good Times? $ or creative differences?

Mammoth? Like the rock band named after the rock band?

I can’t hear C.F. McCarthy’s without thinking of Tipsy McStaggers.

There’s still time to fire Kerr and replace him with Jim Park.

Maybe Will Campbell knew he was getting drafted by the New England Patriots and that’s why he wore green. He knew it was his last night to wear New York Jets colors.

Stop skippping The Preakness, Kentucky Derby winning horse owner guys, sultans, & conglomerates!

The Revs: owning?

Best bet for the weekend: earnest but hopeless attempts to serve mom breakfast in bed.

Pamela Anderson goes makeup free and looks incredible at the 2025 Met Gala.

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Joe Giza, Bill James, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. Victory!

OK, that was mean. Here’s actress Sydney Sweeney who was also at the Met Gala.

04/23/2025 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

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Number 11 in your programs, NBA Sixth Man Winner for 2025.

One thing you don’t wanna do is FAFO with the Celtics girlies.

Has Pedro Pascal’s schedule been too busy to do a Rosie Ruiz film?

“Griffin Canning” sounds like a mortgage-free Western Mass charity drive.

Episode 7, Reggie Lewis. Man.

Irons is just jealous because I have two scoops of raisins.

The TNA Champion getting a WrestleMania match? Unreal. The night gets even better.

One more mock draft and I’m throwing up in my mouth…..

At least the Celtics didn’t also list Tatum on the injury report for his emotional problems.

Cakes are cooking for Lee Majors, Blair Brown, Joyce DeWitt, Terry Moor, Judy Davis, Valerie Bertinelli, George Lopez, Magnús Ver Magnússon, Donna Weinbrecht, Melina Kanakaredes, Stan Frazier, Rachel Hetherington, Patrick Poulin, Sam Madison, Andruw Jones, John Cena, Jaime King, Joanna Krupa, Jessica Stam, Nicole Vaidišová, Gigi Hadad, Jake Kiszka, Josh Kiszka, and Chloe Kim.

Moxie is trans root beer. Tastes like a tree.

My comic book “Reasonable Doubt – In the Karen Read Case” is now available on Amazon. Dive into the details THEY don’t want you to see!

Laughter is the best medicine…except for Kratom.

I don’t know why everyone cares about RFK Jr’s thoughts on autism. That guy is retarded!

Five straight playoff losses for Linus Ullmark.

I question anyone that moves to Kentucky on purpose.

Only a sucker would have bet against the New England Revolution on the 250th Anniversary of Lexington and Concord.

Showers with your SO really are the best.

Hey gang of slumping underachievers! This week’s Phrase that Pays is, “Look at me! I’m irritating old people!”

The tanning dye on Lucy’s hands is egregious.

Were there still dinosaur sportswriters bemoaning the 24 second shot clock ‘gimmick’ forty-five years after it was introduced?

I only leave the house when required.

My promise for Easter I will Never get on a Boeing 737 Plane.

It makes me sad a lot of ‘yall ‘will never know ab watermelon season in Arkansas.

I saw a pic of Kate Peter and she’s kinda hot.

Boston Celtics fans should be wearing green IMO. The NBA franchise I most associate with black attire is probably the Orlando Magic.

How come none of you MFers never told me how bomb sourdough bread is?

Sal, Your the Leader of the Band. Thank you.

The greatest trick the Devil ever pulled was convincing the world Dart Adams exists.

Is Jamal Webster serious with these questions?

Nelson Cruz has one of the most unusual career shapes of all time. He was literally five or six years late getting a foothold, for a player or that quality. Then he was short of the Hall of Fame, but not all that much short. Hit 464 homers, and wasn’t a bad right fielder.

What are they gonna do, melt down and tell me I’m worthless? My wife already does that.

Have to be believe KPerk needs help buttoning his shirt.

The only thing more pathetic than the Dondy/Ty holiday pairing is listening to them and trying to engage the show via Twitter.

The American Four of the Original Six should have a charity golf scramble.

I’m going back someday
Come what may, to Blue Bayou.
Where you sleep all day and the catfish play
On Blue Bayou.

All those fishin’ boats with their sails afloat
If I could only see.
That familiar sunrise through sleepy eyes
How happy I’d be.

Fun Fact: The slam dunk was invented by star player Curly “Heebie” Kikelberg, who helped lead CCNY to both the NCAA and NIT championships in 1950. He would later throw himself off the Brooklyn Bridge after being implicated in a point-shaving scandal.

The College of Cardinals has won zero SEC Championships.

I’m glad Yaz’s grandson has had himself a decent MLB career. Just makes me smile.

Alice Cook; you still got it, kid.

Honk if you remember Rhéal Cormier.

Peter Schrager makes Chris Gasper look like Warren Beatty.

Andy Lugo, now he can flip a bat.

The amount of talent Nico Harrison has dumped is insane.

Why don’t they make the whole Red Sox bullpen out of hot-headed Cubans?

PK Subban should change his name to PK Acho.

People are frecklier than you expect when meeting them in person.

Best bet for the weekend: Green Line: Shuttle Buses replace service between Government Center and Medford/Tufts for maintenance work. Union Square riders can use Bus Routes 109, 87, or 91 to connect to shuttles or the Orange Line.

And a happy birthday to Slovak tennis player Daniela Hantuchová.

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Bill James, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. Can we have class outside today?

Palm Beach BdlG.

04/09/2025 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

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Know this: After throwing out the first pitch along with his 1975 AL Pennant winning teammates, Carl Yastrzemski was back home before all the jets that did the flyover had landed.

Sox fans. Feeling a little better now? It’s a long season, in case nobody ever told you.

Has any other adult ever tried one of those Squishmallows blankets? They’re ridiculously cozy!

Val Kilmer’s death didn’t feel real. But then I saw Rear Admiral’s obit on Barstool…

Even when the racially confusing broad isn’t on the NESN broadcast O’Brien and Merloni make me feel like they’re pitching me timeshares.

What a demeaning existence. Gresh would’ve been guarding the king’s drawbridge 500 years ago, but now he’s stuck discussing Geno Auriemma’s legacy on something called “InfSportsNet” at 1am.

Rafael Devers runs like Charles Durning in When a Stranger Calls.

And now it’s Houston that can’t buy a basket in the waning moments. Congratulations Florida.

I don’t trust grunting pitchers.

Cakes are cooking for Dennis Quaid, Kirk McCaskill, Cynthia Nixon, Graeme Lloyd, Jacques Villeneuve, Gerard Way, Clare Bronfman, Keshia Knight Pulliam, Yoanna House, Milan Bartovič, Adam Loewen, Leighton Meester, Kristen Stewart, Elle Fanning, Lil Nas X, and Brooke Raboutou.

Bad news for my enemies, I woke up.

Whoever let Eduardo Perez get into broadcasting is a monster.

Isn’t Oblivio a Spider-Man villain?

Red Line Reminder: April 10-30 Service between JFK/UMass & Ashmont will operate with a shuttle train on each track. A shuttle train is one train, operating back & forth, between Ashmont & JFK/UMass on a single track. Riders on the Ashmont Branch should expect longer wait times for trains during this work. Please transfer to the Braintree platform at JFK/UMass for continued service towards Alewife.

Am I the only one who thinks Kelvin Sampson looks like OJ Simpson? Noticed the other day and can’t unsee it.

The Denver Nuggets should hire Mina Kimes. She’s so smart.

‘Fraser Minten’ was my favorite flavor of Frusen Glädjé when I was a kid.

Nice tribute to Luis Tiant above the Monster, similar to the ones for Tim Wakefield and Larry Lucchino last year. Hopefully the Sox won’t need to put one up next season.

“Hey gang of landlubbers! This week’s Phrase that Pays is, “So my ex-girlfriend has joined the Navy and wants to see me before she leaves for Bootcamp.”

He’s gonna cross the sauces so hard tonight.

Wait, so Duran tried to kill himself because a law librarian bullied him?

Unless these MIT dorks invent a torpedo arm to help the Yankees pitchers throw the ball past people, this team isn’t going anywhere.

Okay, so the Russian beat the Canadian’s counting stat NHL total. Big deal.

“Ringing in the dough”? Is that a phrase?

Jay Williams who hasn’t wrecked his bike in like 20 years using “panic and miraculous” as his “one word to describe the Houston/Duke game” is peak ESPN.

‘Back to the Future’ but it’s Marty singing Jelly Roll at the school dance, and the entire crowd beats him to death.

Bruce Pearl is a slob.

When teams give extensions, they’re not just paying the player, they’re paying the person. Kristian Campbell is not the kind of guy that’s gonna be changed by money. He wants to learn and he wants to be great. Wholesomeness level at 100 just a great dude who worked to earn this.

Congrats to Marisa Ingemi, US Basketball Writers Association 2025 Rising Star.

Do you like PEEPS? I love PEEPS

The pretty ones who have no discernible talent but also don’t want to show their cooch are in a tough spot.

Another suburban family morning
Grandmother screaming at the wall
We have to shout above the din of our Rice Krispies

We can’t hear anything at all.
Mother chants her litany of boredom and frustration.
But we know all her suicides are fake.

Daddy only stares into the distance.
There’s only so much more that he can take.
Many miles away
Something crawls from the slime
At the bottom of a dark
Scottish lake.

I was asked today about my NBA comp for Cooper Flagg. I went with Scottie Pippen. I believe it’s a compliment to both, and also accurate. Obviously no comp is ever 100% on the money. But I will say, comparing Flagg to only white players seems lazy and uninformed.

Carl Yastrzemski is the bizarro Bobby Orr.

The World Egg throwing Championship will take place in June in Swaton England. Assuming the competitors can afford the eggs.

Gary Gaetti and Tim Wallach are kind of the same player, aren’t they?

This is a super old guy take, but one of the things I like best about the tournament as opposed to every NBA game is that there’s nothing being played over the PA system while the game is being played. Everything’s about the game. The constant barrage of sound stinks.

We will use the dire wolves to hunt the de-extinct wooly mammoths.

So it’s just now registering that Wally the Green Monster’s name is “Wally” because of the wall. Is this a revelation for anyone else? Clarifying that I understood the green monster part. The “Wally” for the wall part? Right over my head.

Fun fact: cookies and seafood are different.

If your favorite outfielder isn’t Wily Mo Peña, are you really a fan?

Honk if you remember Fernandomania.

A lotta kids shredded their rotator cuff because of that Canobie Lake Park radar gun.

Whose wife did Mike Malone bang?

RIP Octavio Dotel. I’m going to have to stop using the phrase, ‘as safe as a Dominican nightclub’ now.

So down to The Masters, how’s Tiger hittin’ em?

We unfroze our Yaz bread after the 2004 World Series. It smelled like cigarettes.

Best bet for the weekend: more much needed rain.

And that’s a sweep of the Knickerbockers.

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Bill James, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. Aja, when all my dime dancin’ is through, I run to you.

And happy birthday to Czech-born supermodel Paulina Porizkova.
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