Category Archives: 2025

Football Cat’s Wild Card (Wildcat?) Weekend Picks

Happy days are here again! The skies above are clear again, Let us sing a song of cheer again, Happy days are here again!

Our brief regional nightmare is over!


Friends, last Sunday was a day of independence for all Patriots fans and their descendants!

If you don’t agree that the high point of the season was watching Thunder eat a big shit sandwich on Monday, then you are just weird! Weird! WEIRD!

But have no fear weirdos, you can still admit the error of your ways and join those of us who were right all along. You have no idea how your life is gonna improve as a result of this. Food tastes better. The air seems fresher. You’ll have more energy and self-confidence than you ever dreamed of! I am as giddy as a drunken man!

We tried to warn you!


SATURDAY DINNER TIME
Chargers (-3) at Texans
Bolts barbecue Texans

Fun fact

SATURDAY PROWL TIME
Steelers at Ravens (-9.5)
Scary Black Birds snowplow Steelers

I think he’s still upset, or he’s pooping. He’s probably pooping.

SUNDAY LUNCH TIME
Broncos at Bills (-9)
Bills bounce back, beat Broncos

SUNDAY DINNER TIME
Packers at Eagles (-4.5)
Bert Bell’s American Birds send Green Bay packing

Fake hair, real teeth

SUNDAY PROWL TIME
Commanders at Buccaneers (-3)
Bucs master the Commanders

MONDAY PROWL TIME
Vikings at Rams (-1.5)
Rams host a Viking funeral (in Glendale, AZ)

Thoughts and prayers to our SoCal readers

Football Cat lives in New Hampshire, enjoys watching football, and is a cat.

01/08/2025 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

So long, Coach Mayo. Congratulations on a job, done.

The Patriots are interviewing Mamadou Ndjaiye for the head coaching position tonight from 8:00-8:05.

Bruins need a shakeup.

Dianna Russini is getting scoops left and right while Jeff Howe is having fake mini strokes and manifesting moles.

What weird thing will Jerry Thornton tweet out today?

Man, the Bills have become the smart franchise, and we have become the Bills. We’re teetering on becoming the Jets.

I know all he’d talk about is fashion and Broadway musicals but would Gasper satisfy the Rooney Rule?

So this Joy Whatever apparently fucked her way to the top of the Women in Sports ladder, and I had never heard her name before yesterday? And she had a real “in sports” gig and completely set the movement back 50 years by sleeping her way in. Brava, Joy.

Remember that thing Phil Perry did? No? Exactly.

Only the best and brightest people analyze professional wrestling.

Cakes are cooking for Shirley Bassey, Bob Eubanks, Boris Vallejo, Little Anthony, John Podesta, John McTiernan, Harriet Sansom Harris, Mike Reno, Rey Misterio Sr., Chris Marion, Hiromi Kobayashi, Michelle Forbes, Willie Anderson, Ami Dolenz, Brian Johnson, Paul Carey, Jeff Abercrombie, Billy Joe Hobert, Jason Giambi*, Brandie Burton, Vitali Yachmenev, Rachel Nichols, Jeff Francis, Gaby Hoffman, Kim Jong-Un*, Jeff Francoeur, and Cynthia Erivo.

Covid did away with the ‘bag your own candy’ section of the supermarket.

Watched Wicked last night and it was a blast. The 2:40 running time flew by. Couldn’t believe Ariana Grande was that friggin’ hilarious. The songs were killer. And the themes were universal like they were in TWoO. Definitely have a re-watch in the future.

‘New England had the worst roster in the league!’ is a thing people are just saying now, like, ‘Miami has a population of 17 million people.’

Green Line E Branch: Delays of about 15 minutes due to a disabled train at Ball Square. Trains may stand by at stations.

Tactical spork!

Skip Bayless running the ol’ Ernie Boch Jr, “Boy oh boy do I love having hot, penis into vagina sex! With women!” play.

Hey gang of functional illiterates, this week’s Phrase that Pays is, “Why they ain’t been did it?”

Michael Vick was the greatest running QB ever. He also might have as the strongest arm in the league. I saw he Tear two defensive players ACLs on one play.

If you really wanna get your blood boiling on a Saturday, go to COSTCO first thing in the morning.

Joy having a bunch of thirst trap picture is great too, because every time the “in sports” people get called on that they pretend one thing isn’t related to the other.

I fondly remember going to see dozens of highly-touted Red Sox draft picks flounder at McCoy.

The best bang for anyone’s buck at the grocery store is a box of microwave popcorn. Tell me I’m wrong.

My blood pressure has dropped 50 points since I decided to (metaphorically) embrace Upton instead of hating him.

“Joy, because of you, my son wants to be a woman. In sports.” – Magic Johnson

Provolone makes up 2.5% of the cheese produced in the U.S. with 370 million pounds of provolone made in 2023.

When the best player in the world is just across the bridge, you get your ass to the barn.

Dude, it’s VrabEL.

Jerod Mayo. When you need a win he loses and when we need a loss he wins. It’s like he’s working undercover for another NFL organization!

Bootlegging boozer on the west side
Full of people who are doing wrong
Just about to call up the DA man
When I heard this woman singin’ a song

A pair of 45s made me open my eyes
My temperature started to rise

She was a long cool woman in a black dress
‘Bout a 5’9″, beautiful, tall
With just one look I was a bad mess
‘Cause that long cool woman had it all.

I applied self-tanner yesterday and it’s very mild but oh man am i so back baby i wasn’t depressed i just was pale.

Mean ol’ Bill better not leaved all those HS seniors and collegiate student-athletes in the lurch!

Loved Nosferatu. Didn’t love spending $6 on a bottle of water.

There are people who actually purchased Bailey Zappe Patriots jerseys…you know who you are.

I had a grilled cheese and a PB&J smoothie for dinner. Truly living the best life.

Honk if you remember Larry Storch.

If you’re going to be one of these smarmy in sports cvnts you cannot look like a Star Wars background character.

“Peanut butter skin” is a phrase I’ve never heard before.

The Patiots placement near the top of the 2025 Draft order opens many interesting scenarios given the high probability of them trading back to fill multiple needs & and also staying open to a variety of trade proposals—including for name players that other teams need to be move for cap reasons.

Pro Tip: Don’t wear that tan suit from your wedding in your business profile pic.

Where does that Rear Admiral get all that energy?

Bob Veale was kind of the National League’s Sudden Sam McDowell. Both were BIG, left-handed fireballers who were wild enough to make you nervous, same era, and Pittsburgh/Cleveland. Veale was probably a hair better than Sam, but a lot the same.

Bob’s a liar, Jerod knew.

That’s two trash days in a row it was too windy to put the recycling bin on the curb.

Does Vrioni even speak French?

I’m glad they gave that nice Katie Nolan another chance to grab the brass ring.

Best bet for the weekend: Mahomes doubtful for the bye week with a nagging injury.

Is Coco Higgins available to be interviewed for any and all NFL head coaching vacancies?

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Bill James, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. Don’t step on my blue suede shoes.

And happy birthday to child actress & now musician Jenny Lewis.

Football Cat’s Week 18 Picks

Happy New Year! Welcome to 2025 and the final week of the NFL regular season. Unlike almost every team in the league, Football Cat is going to give a full 100% effort in Week 18.  There will be no tanking nor relaxing at this address. Although I do find staring at a fish tank very relaxing.

Tanking sounds like fun!

SATURDAY DINNER TIME
Browns at Ravens (-17.5)
Scary Black Birds feast on stale Brownies

This better be a brownie

SATURDAY PROWL TIME
Bengals (-1.5) at Steelers
Stripey Cats get the W but not a spot in the ‘yoffs

SUNDAY LUNCH TIME
Panthers at Falcons (-8.5)
Black Cats smack down a flaccid Penix

Looks more like a pickle

Commanders (-4.5) at Cowboys
Commies win and get in

Bears at Packers (-9)
Hibernating Bears get ground up by Meat Men

I am not a bear!

Jaguars at Colts (-4.5)
Spotty Cats trampled by Horsies

Bills (-2.5) at Patriots
Patriots finish the season the same way it started with an idiotic Gatorade bath for Coach Mayo

He better hope that’s “victory” mayonnaise

Giants at Eagles (-3)
G-men do more damage to their draft position

Saints at Buccaneers (-13)
Bucs plow through New Orleans

Texans at Titans (-1)
Tits hold firm against Texans backups

I meant to type “Got It”. (Avert your eyes!)

SUNDAY DINNER TIME
49ers at Cardinals (-4.5)
Pretty Red Birds fly high into the off-season

Chiefs at Broncos (-11)
Broncos win by default

Seahawks (-5.5) at Rams
Fake Sea Birds romp over resting Rams

Chargers (-5.5) at Raiders
Never forget that Kraft didn’t even bother to interview Brother Jim

Oy vey iz mir!

Dolphins (-1.5) at Jets
The incoming Undersecretary for Health and Human Services closes out his NFL career with a win


SUNDAY PROWL TIME
Vikings at Lions (-3)
Jungle Kings nosh on Nordic knee caps

He’d rather be seeing ghosts



Football Cat lives in New Hampshire, enjoys watching football, and is a cat.

01/02/2025 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

Merry. New. Year.

Pats really went from the greatest coach of all time to a lobotomized Wal-Mart greeter.

Hot stove warming up. John Tomase is a free agent.

Robert Kraft thought the young(?) lady who jerked him off for $40 was in love with him. He’s an idiot.

How many fucking Achos we got anyway?

Starting my 2025 with a cup of coffee followed by a gym session like every other day because i didn’t wait for a fake reset to change my life

There is now a paucity of Gumbels. RIP.

Didn’t Morgan Geekie start to heat up after American Thanksgiving last year too? Maybe he’s just anti-American Thanksgiving and just gets going after it.

Did Jerry’s bullshit detector also die last year?

Can you shoot too many threes in a 54 point win? Asking for a friend.

Overheard outside Fenway Park: “Look at that big f***in green wall!”

Up too early, couldn’t fall back asleep. But at least the GOAT, The Wizard of Oz, was on TNT. 617 well repped among the main cast.

Oregon died on the Oregon Trail from dysentery…

Cakes are cooking for Jack Hanna, Joanna Pacula, Lynne Cox, Gabrielle Carteris, David Cone, Edgar Martínez, Greg Swindell, Cuba Gooding Jr, Christy Turlington, Royce Clayton, Renée Elise Goldsberry, Taye Diggs, Christopher Lennertz, Mattias Norström, Dax Shepard, Paz Vega, Brian Boucher, Anthony Carrigan, Kate Bosworth, Heather O’Reilly, Trombone Shorty, Bryson Tiller, and Fernando Tatis Jr.

Everyone should have a wife with an addy script.

Every single breakfast table in America had a sugar bowl on it in the 70s and early 80s. Didn’t matter if it was toasted sugarcane – people sprinkled it with a tablespoon.

I love the people saying “I’m sure Mayo is a nice guy.” Is he? He seems like a prick.

Hey gang of dastardly doxxers, this week’s Phrase that Pays is, “You’re a fool if you reconsider based off of that gold toothed loser.”

Tyler Herro is the T-1000 of wiggers.

I will be putting a syndicate investment group together if I have enough interest so we can buy out Robert Kraft & own the NE Pats if he does not fire everyone involved in football operations – stay tuned!

The Canadian Juniors lost to a team the US Juniors team couldn’t locate on a map!

ReliaQuest Bowl < CarQuest Bowl.

NHL players are attracted to broads with Denny’s waitress physiognomy. That’s just science.

Trolling is way too much fun.

Green Line E branch: Delays of about 20 minutes due to a disabled train at Prudential. Trains may stand by at stations.

Does Kevin O’Connell count on the “Belichick Tree” or is he doing too well?

‘Stepping Out’ by Joe Jackson still bangs.

The days between Christmas and New Years Day are a free for all. There’s no school. Work is an after thought. It’s fair game to pour a drink at any time of the day. Every day feels like Friday. Sneaky best week of the year.

Merry Christmas from Charlestown, Grapes.

The Patriots forgot to hire a Chief Winning Officer! Duh!

My favorite part of the quads is when they try to say that someone’s quad 1 wins were all against the bottom half of the quadrant. So why not have eighths?

The world needs more guys named Silas.

The Tigers are reportedly “all-in” on Alex Bregman.

Good luck to you, John Tomase. I can’t afford you to clean my stables, because I don’t have any stables, because I don’t have any horses. But good luck.

Pertinent song lyrics excerpt!

Does Ross Tucker daylight at Atamian?

I’ve been listening to the games more than watching them, so I get to hear Mayo with Zo pregame a lot. It’s embarrassing

Can’t have clown hair and be a kicker.

I sleep well at night knowing I could absolutely dog walk most of the “men” who call themselves alphas on here. And 100% of the ones who have it in their Twitter name.

Honk if you remember Y2K.

Wayne’s World and Wayne’s World 2 still hold up after 30 years.

That was so targeting.

Are all sizes of Cumby’s Kratom packages the same price?

6. Shoot some hoops.

When the offense is closing in on the end zone and the defense calls time to set the defense they want, they are also giving the OFFENSE a free time out. I always get the feeling that defensive coordinators don’t get that.

Have a more Portuguese thing than a Christmas tree made out of lobster traps.

We have cards?

I’m blocked by Tomase. Someone tell him he can go back to his first love, selling $5 footlongs on tv.

Pour one out for Rich Homie Quan, Hans ‘Prime’ Dobson, Fatman Scoop, TJ Swan, BeatKing, Julio Foolio, DJ Mister C, Chino XL, Saafir The Saucee Nomad, Chubbie Baby, DJ Clark Kent, Rico Wade, Bo$$, DJ Casper, OG Maco, Ka, Brother Marquis, Enchanting, and DJ Polo.

Eversource is tanned. Eversource is rested. Eversource is ready.

Best bet for the weekend: Pats fumble the #1 overall draft pick bag.

BdlG wants you to stride confidently into 2025.

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Bill James, and the members of #the15 were used in this column.

And happy birthday to actress/singer Tia Carrere.
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