Lots of teams resting starters in advance of the playoffs this week. I can understand that.
SATURDAY SUNSET
Steelers (-4) at Ravens
Will the Evil Birds take the gaspipe in the hopes the spirits conspire to keep Buffalo out of the ‘yoffs? Yes.
SATURDAY PROWLTIME
Texans (-1) at Colts
Wildcat Texans round up the Little Horsies.
SUNDAY LUNCHTIME
Buccaneers (-4.5) at Panthers
Bad year for the luckless Black Cats ends as it began.
Browns at Bengals (-7)
Stripey Cats are desperate, Browns have put the bag of tricks away until the playoffs. Cincy wins.
Vikings at Lions (-3.5)
Jungle Kings don’t want to go 3-3 in the division and won’t.
Jets at Patriots (-2)
Prediction: Pats Pirouette Past Planes
Falcons at Saints (-3)
The animals of God’s creation inhabit the skies, the earth, and the sea. They share in the ways of human beings. They have a part in our lives. Francis of Assisi recognized this when he called the animals, wild and tame, his brothers and sisters. Nevertheless, Saints win.
Jaguars (-5) at Titans
Spotted Cats disrespect the Titans.
Seahawks (-2.5) at Cardinals
Cardinals are real birds. Seahawks are not. Nevertheless, the False Birds win.
SUNDAY SUNSET
Bears at Packers (-3)
Da. Bears. Da Win.
Chiefs at Chargers (-3.5)
Chiefs win because of course they do.
Broncos at Raiders (-3)
This is the game that ends in a tie.
Eagles (-5) at Giants
Any NFC East team can beat any other NFC East team. Giants prove this in bad weather against the Phils.
Rams at 49ers (-4)
No Brock Purrdy, no matter? Not if the Shovey Sheep have anything to say about it. Rams win.
Cowboys (-4) at Commanders
Cowpokes want the #2 Seed. Won’t need much fancy ropin’ to get it.
SUNDAY PROWLTIME
Bills (-3) at Dolphins
Prediction: Payables Pork Porps.
Football Cat lives in New Hampshire, enjoys watching football, and is a cat.
Modern sports media and its consumption is tightly wound in a disingenuous ball, trust fund kids acting as rats in a race searching for the angle that’ll get them the most attention. A cross to nail someone or themselves on, with the secret knowledge there is a chance they’ll be proven right incidentally regardless of what their overall point was.
The “Celtics shoot too many threes” accusation makes the rounds via Twitter, various podcasts and columnists, and it’s not like Celtics coach Joe Mazzulla is willing to play grab ass with the media to dull the knives. He’s a steely-eyed psycho who acknowledges the limited effect(s) he has on the game and can only help to taxi the flight back to the runway in one piece.* If the Celtics win the title this year, they’ll be no parade for Mazzulla, no vindication, only “You were supposed to, and these aren’t even your plays – they’re Udoka’s”, but it they fall short via Jimmy Butler and his playoff bullshit, or Caleb Martin and the Heat enjoying another outlier series shooting the ball, then he’ll be vilified as the man who screwed the Celtics out of a title. After all, the narrative pushed by “Celtics fan” Bill Simmons is Mazzulla didn’t get along with Marcus Smart, and the Celtics doubled down on their coach over their heart and soul, and this is how he repaid them???
Mazzulla is not doing anything that goes against the grain to earn this sort of scrutiny, and his coaching habits are par for the course. Every team “plays like the Warriors” nowadays, in fact, the Celtics are probably the most diverse team currently in how they mix in inside action with Kristaps Porzingis. Many teams do not have the ability to shoot and make the high variant of threes like the Celtics and enjoy the splendor of the added dimension Porzingis has brought in, and Mazzulla deserves credit for integrating him so smoothly given the issues Rick Carlisle had in Dallas doing the same thing. Sadly, no one ever says that.
Because this is the NBA, where players win games and coaches lose them. Only Erik Spoelstra as of now can make the argument he can strategize around certain defeat. Mazzulla cannot go toe-to-toe with Spoelstra, and the hope is he won’t have to. It’s not uncommon for the better coach to lose because the lesser one had the better team. And for all intents and purposes the Celtics appear to be the better team. They just have to play like it and that all rests on the shoulders of Jayson Tatum. The evolutionary Paul George. Defensive switchblade, underrated court vision, can score from all three levels with a coolness Celtics fans haven’t seen since Larry Joe Bird.
But there is one fabled test No. 0 must pass in order to truly get over the hump. The stage is set for him to do it, like it was for Bird in ‘81, LeBron James in ‘12, Giannis in ‘21. The team is a well-oiled machine, chock full of talent whose positive attributes are infectious even to the marginal bench players enjoying fruitful stints on the hardwood. It’s an environment you want for your superstar entering his prime. The athleticism is there, the experience is there, he’s gone toe-to-toe with the best the league has to offer and has no reason not to hold his head up high.
Yet… something is missing and that something is assertiveness. That something is when the world is crumbling all around you, the momentum is no longer on your side and your teammates aren’t getting their shots to go in due to the moment consuming them, can Tatum rise up, take the rock and barrel into contact like even a Butler with the full confidence in his ability to finish or at least draw a foul?
That’s what’s going to be the real moment of truth for the Celtics. Not Mazzulla and his timeouts, or if the three-point well runs dry – that last point is expected because it happens virtually to every team except the one who wins the championship. It’s how will Tatum respond when the team is up against it — and the breaks are beating the boys will No. 0 win one for Lucky?
Vinny Jace appears on the Entitled Weekend podcast. He does not live on the South Shore.
False: You’re 33 and live in your mother’s basement.
In a word my friends?
Bullshit.
Ironhead wishing death on Roger Clemens like he’s Bin Laden is like the sun coming up over Narragansett Sound.
Does @sofascout1 put human hair in mason jars, and hide it in the basement? Probably.
Will Scartsy always slide by with a wink and a nod?
Undoubtably.
It doesn’t matter. BJBSJ trucks in the mud with some of the most feckless human beings in the world: professional sports media. They count on you not being ready to get down on their level and crawl on your belly. Well, we will.
Although we’ll never wish death on a listener’s child, like 98.5’s Big Jim Murray did, we will happily keep Scott Kacsmar unemployed and heavy in his mother’s racist basement for as long as it takes.
Wow. What a Thurrsday night beatdown. And then the bloodletting. Saturday games this weekend, too.
SATURDAY LUNCHTIME
Vikings at Bengals (-3)
Stripey Cats win streak runs to three games.
SATURDAY SUNSET
Steelers at Colts (-1.5)
Go Horse? I guess.
SATURDAY PROWLTIME
Broncos at Lions (-4)
Broncos are hot. Won’t matter. Jungle king cats win.
SUNDAY LUNCHTIME
Falcons (-3) at Panthers
Black Cats luckless streak ends. Sorry birdie.
Bears at Browns (-3)
Trickster Browns and Joe Flacco. What a match! Cleveland wins.
Buccaneers at Packers (-3.5)
Prediction: Pack Pummels Pewts.
Jets at Dolphins (-8.5)
Prediction: Porps Plaster Planes
Chiefs (-7.5) at Patriots
Heart says Pats, head says Chiefs.
Giants at Saints (-5.5)
Francis of Assisi is the patron saint of Italy. Tommy DeVito and his agent are Italian. Won’t matter, Because St. Francis is also the patron of animals. Like me.
Texans at Titans (-3)
Houston’s old team edges Houston’s current team. Go Tits!
SUNDAY SUNSET
49ers (-12.5) at Cardinals
Prospectors and Purrdy too much for the Pretty Birds.
Commanders at Rams (-6.5)
Bighorn Sheepies win bigly.
Cowboys at Bills (-2)
Pokes paste Payables.
SUNDAY PROWLTIME
Ravens (-3) at Jaguars
Spotted Cats send the visiting Evil Birds back home as losers.
MONDAY NIGHT
Eagles (-4) at Seahawks
Fake Seabirds eke out a home win over the National Bird Team.
Football Cat lives in New Hampshire, enjoys watching football, and is a cat.