The 15

Bill’s going to quickly learn that you do not simply walk into the JMA Wireless Dome.

Pasta. Such the good kid.

Garrett Crochet is a Red Sox. Can he also DH?

In a serious country Jerod Mayo would be beaten with hammers.

This might shock you but Bill Simmons has a dumb idea for solving a problem that doesn’t exist.

The Red Zone waiting countdown music sounds like a Pokemon Tournament.

A broken unemployed loser is right twice a day.

It’s awful the Celtics offensive philosophy has led to more than four times as many wins as losses.

Cakes are cooking for Jacques Pépin, Keith Richards, Steven Spielberg, Elliot Easton, John Webster, Brian Orser, Brad Pitt, Charles Oakley, Steve Austin, Tommy Davidson, Bob Corkum, Casper Van Dien, Joe Randa, Rob Van Dam, Arantxa Sanchez Vicario, Neil Little, DJ Lethal, Peter Boulware, Trish Stratus, Katie Holmes, Christina Aguilera, Fernando Jara, Ashley Benson, Barbora Krejčíková, and Billie Eilish.

Ty Cobb was born today too. He was set in his ways.

“Van Pelt didn’t even know I insulted him!” isn’t as compelling a defense as Jerod Mayo thinks.

My feed is dominated by lists and polls, probably because I’ve interacted with a couple of them along the way. The AI somehow got the wrong idea and thinks I want to go steady. I mean, when a baseball site wants my opinion on Larry vs. LeBron, you know X has gone off the rails.

Hey gang of beta males, this week’s Phrase that Pays is. “Yeah…I’ll type hashtag alpha, that’ll show him.”

I just bought 4 Austin Blaske jerseys for the family.

Blue Line: Delays of about 10 minutes due to a disabled train near Wood Island. Trains may stand by at stations.

“Chapel Bill.” Get it? Get it?

Pat Chung; bad boyfriend, great player and teammate.

In 2018, 2019, 2022 and 2023, Alex Bregman had more walks than strikeouts. Last year his walk rate dropped by 50%, K/W rate was 2-1. How do we explain that?

News Item: Iowa women’s basketball announced Caitlin Clark will see her number in the rafters on February 2, 2025.

Mayo thinks he’s reassuring people by telling them he talks to the owners multiple times a day.

Football Overlord? Is Charley Casserly available?

I want everyone here to read Football Cat’s NFL Picks or else risk winding up on the Naughty List.

Substitution, mass confusion
Clouds inside your head
Involving all my energies
Until you visited
With your eyes of porcelain and of blue
They shock me into sense
You think you’re so illustrious
You call yourself intense

It’s an orangy sky
Always it’s some other guy
It’s just a broken lullaby
Bye bye love
Bye bye love
Bye bye love
Bye bye love-ov-ov-ove.

Calling the doctor’s office or pharmacy and selecting the healthcare provider option is my toxic trait.

Food Fact: While the cut for a standing rib roast is often referred to as “prime rib”, the USDA does not require the cut to be derived from USDA Prime grade beef.

These drones are a fucking IQ test and we are failing.

The UVM coach can finally shave his mustache.

Love the fire departments lighting trees on fire to show the dangers of real trees, maybe even more than when they blow the hands off mannequins with M80’s in advance of the Fourth of July.

That bitch is puffy.

Honk if you remember who the survivors were from The Dirty Dozen.

Bill finally got PEPPAHS.

I’ll never understand companies like Coca-Cola & now Target using polar bears to try to sell stuff. They will 100% eat the face of any marketing target they encounter. They don’t care if you buy [whatever]. We’re their food, if given the chance. Who thought that could be cute?

Why couldn’t Time Magazine have named the entire WNBA the Athlete of the Year?

The Hess Truck can’t possibly be back and better than ever every single year.

Mac Jones may need to be placed in a medically induced coma.

I wonder if Navy Football calls that fake punt they ran in the win over Army a ‘Jap play.’ Probably not.

Enjoy your stupid Emirates NBA Cup, Milwaukee.

Best bet for the weekend: parking wicked far away from the mall.

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Bill James, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. You’re not the only one with mixed emotions.