Not only do we have an AFC Championship game to look forward to on Sunday, but we also have the storm of the century bearing down on our beloved six state region, yes even Rhode Island. How much snow will YOU get? Well, that depends on many factors: how close to the benchmark the storm is, where does any banding set up, what is the QPF and how much love you have in your heart.
My heart isn’t in it
And before you rush out to the stores to stock up on bread and milk, remember these wise words: “Look, I’m not saying I could do it better than them. I’m just saying they’re wrong a lot. That’s a fact. They’re wrong a lot. We all make mistakes. I’m not being critical of them, I’m just saying I don’t think you can go based on that. My experience of going with the forecast in this area two days before the game, I mean I’d bet a lot that they’re wrong, just based on history because they’re almost always wrong. An hour before the game, maybe. You might have something to work with there. I think if you start game planning for what the weather is going to be and you game plan wrong, you’ve wasted a lot of time.” – Bill Belichick, October 31, 2014
14 day forecast?!?!?!
Sunday Early Dinner Time Patriots (-4.5) at Broncos Patriots bust Broncos
He’s comfortable at altitude
Sunday Late Dinner Time Rams at Seahawks (-2.5) Horny Sheep spook Darnold
Football Cat lives in New Hampshire, enjoys watching football, and is a cat.
Football Cat is tired from watching the Patriotic Birds play the Pokes.
Your long wait is finally over, and so is your Summah, football season is upon us! And this season is no ordinary season… this season YOU (yes, YOU!) get the opportunity to go head to head with our very own Feline Football Forecaster, the one, the only Football Cat!
One of our interns (I haven’t taken time to learn their names yet) outlined the rules in an earlier post.
The Cliff Notes version: If you can pick more winners than Football Cat you will be eligible to win a fabulous The15 Inside Joke Prize Pack! Email your picks to bjbsjournalintern@gmail.com (prior to kickoff of tonight’s game) and our plucky squad of interns will make sure your entry is added to this week’s pool of contestants! It’s that easy. All you have to lose is your self respect.
Which leaves us with the question… Can YOU beat Football Cat?
Actual prize may vary
Sexta à Noite Prowl Time Chiefs (-3) vs Chargers “I play the beautiful game while I’m in Brazil ‘Cause everybody plays the beautiful game while I’m in Brazil ‘Cause it’s all we’ve ever wanted, and it’s all that you want still Don’t you wanna play the beautiful game out in Brazil?”
Plugs shock Chiefs in the Southern Hemisphere’s Winter Classic
Pelé knew which game was the real o jogo bonito
Sunday Lunch Time Buccaneers (-2) at Falcons An opening week NFC South six pointer! Why wasn’t this on Sunday Night Football? Bucs win and all but clinch the division
Bengals (-6) at Browns Stripey cats leave the Browns strewn across their litter box
Actually Cleveland is a really nice place… for me to poop on!
Dolphins at Colts (-1.5) Ponies pop Porps
Panthers at Jaguars (-3) Cat fight! Spotted cats send black cats home with two black eyes
Woof
Raiders at Patriots (-2.5) Botox Brady’s team comes up short in the shadow of Tom’s tiny headed statue
Cardinals (-6.5) at Saints Cardinals win the Holy War
Say two Hail Marys and one Act of Cat-trition (*uproarious laughter*)
Steelers (-3) at Jets Men of Steel dominate in Metropolis
Krypto, Krytpo, Krypto! Why no love for Streaky the Supercat?
Giants at Commanders (-6) I’m calling the president. Mr. President, we need the National Guard. We need as many men as you can spare because the Commanders are killing the Giants. Wait… what? They’re already here? Never mind.
My old Platoon Sergeant said the Guard was for pussies
Sunday Dinner Time Titans at Broncos (-7.5) Tits sag in the thin air
49ers (-2.5) at Seahawks Fake Sea Birds rub Purrrdy the wrong way
Lions at Packers (-2.5) Jungle Kings devour Meat Men
It’s just a flesh wound
Texans at Rams (-2.5) Horny sheep give Houston problems
Sunday Prowl Time Ravens at Bills (-1.5) Scary Black birds spook Hairy Cows
Monday Prowl Time Vikings at Bears (-1.5) Norsemen skin grizzlies
It’s not a rug it’s a weave
Football Cat lives in New Hampshire, enjoys watching football, and is a cat.
News item: Some new executive orders have just been signed…
“Saturday” will be renamed to “Caturday”.
Catnip will be allowed to flow across the Southern border.
All online betting advisors will be required to publicly display their success rate or something else (*wink wink*).
Amnesty for the accused in the “Shedd Park Incident of July 4 1992”.
Laser pointers will be outlawed.
Designated nap times throughout the day, with comfortable sleeping spots readily available in all public spaces.
All deadbeat squatters will be evicted from the homes of their deceased mother’s former boyfriend. Their cats will be allowed to stay.
Dogs will be banned from most public areas, with designated “dog parks” far away from cat territory.
Anyone using “Y’all” will be banned from all social media platforms, even the Chinese ones.
Humans must be readily available for head scratches and belly rubs whenever a cat desires.
Only Union workers will be allowed on the roads between 4 am and 6 am.
The records from the Loyko investigation must be immediately released.
SUNDAY EARLY DINNER TIME Commanders at Eagles (-6) American Birds haven’t been this surprised by a Commie offensive in January since 1968
On that day our platoon sergeant sacrificed himself so we could all make it home alive. RIP Sgt.Thornton.
SUNDAY EARLY PROWL TIME Bills at Chiefs (-1) As has played out on the great plains for hundreds of years, the Native Americans, once again, take down the Tonawanda Tatanka
The buffalo seemed more stunned by the audacity of the tactic than they are surprised the wolves are actually dudes
Football Cat lives in New Hampshire, enjoys watching football, and is a cat.
Congratulations on all that sweet cash you made following last week’s picks (10-3 against the spread, and 11-2 straight up – not that we’re keeping track). As a way of saying “thank you”, head on over to the official The 15 Store and load up on some genuine merch during the big October sale.
I can’t believe this awesome shirt is on sale for only $16!
SUNDAY TEA TIME Patriots at Jaguars (-5.5) Spotty cats lose to New England in Olde England.
SUNDAY LUNCH TIME Bengals (-4.5) at Browns Stripey cats use the Dog Pound as their litter box.
It’s actually an improvement.
Lions at Vikings (-1.5) Jungle Kings knee cap the Vi-Kings
Texans at Packers (-3.5) Texans grind up the Meat Men
Someone get Upton Sinclair on the phone.
Eagles (-3.5) at Giants Baby New York wins the game, but loses the Belichick Bowl.
And they have pretzels
Dolphins at Colts (-3.5) Drips dizzy Dolphins dropped
Seahawks at Falcons (-2.5) Real birds defeat fake sea birds.
Titans at Bills (-8.5) You’ll see tits on a bull before you see the Tits beat the Bills.
Superfluous
SUNDAY DINNER TIME Panthers at Commanders (-7.5) The Swamp Things may not be as good as they’ve looked, but the Black Cats are worse than they’ve looked.
Raiders at Rams (-5.5) Cleveland-LA-St. Louis-LA Rams win the Transient Bowl over the Oakland-LA-Oakland-Las Vegas Raiders
I once faced down the devil.
Chiefs at 49ers (-1) 49ers win the Super Bowl rematch, but don’t actually avenge the loss, then spiral into a deep depression.
I’m sorry, did you say something? I wasn’t listening.
SUNDAY PROWL TIME Jets at Steelers (-1.5) Men of Steel master Metropolis
It’s a bird…it’s a plane… no wait, it’s eaten the bird… all the birds.
MONDAY EARLY PROWL TIME Ravens (-3.5) at Buccaneers Scary Black Birds get Buccan-owned
MONDAY ACTUAL PROWL TIME Chargers (-2.5) at Cardinals The bad night for birds continues as the pretty Red Birds get zapped.
Shocking!
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Football Cat lives in New Hampshire, enjoys watching football, and is a cat.
The 15 