The 15

I never hear anything about Tatum’s rehab except for people bitching about always hearing about it.

Do fake food allergies count abroad?

You’re laughing? I’m groggy because I had an hour of my life stolen from me and you’re laughing? (The hour I lost was from watching the premiere episode of ‘R.J. Decker’.)

In today’s NFL you need a roster with a mix of hyphens and apostrophes in the names to succeed.

The NBA should store all evidence of  Edrice Adebayo’s 83 point game in the same vault they keep the “proof” of Wilt’s “100 point game.”

And no, I ain’t calling a grown man, ‘Bam.’

Wonder how many Bruins fans are aware TDGarden each night offers $5 draft beer (12 oz)?

How do we convince Yoshi to play for the Red Sox like he does in World Baseball Classic games?

It’s not plagiarism if no one hears it.

Cakes are cooking for Rupert Murdoch, Sam Donaldson, Mark Stein, Bobby McFerrin, Nina Hagen, Curtis Brown, Rob Paulsen, Cheryl Lynn, James Pinkerton, Mike Percy, Alex Kingston, Wallace Langham, John Barrowman, Rami Jaffee, Johnny Knoxville, Adam Wakeman, Bobby Abreu, Becky Hammon, Benji Madden, Joel Madden, Elton Brand, Thora Birch, Anthony Davis, and Jodie Comer.

Fun fact: Jason Tatum had his face tattooed on his repaired Achilles tendon.

Nice weather we’re having, eh?

Hold onto your hats but I have a crush on the white girl from Duke.

I don’t know how to pronounce ‘Doubs.’

Complain more about McAvoy playing “hero ball.”

Watching 3 basketball games at once is terrible.

Blue Line: Delays of about 10 minutes while a maintenance train inspects the overhead wires between Airport and Wonderland. Trains may stand by at stations.

Knowing the name of an NBA official is a warning sign, like a check engine light.

Hey gang of tournament enjoyers! This week’s Phrase that Pays is, “They hear us.’

I’m gonna get in the car
Drive away
Drive so far
No one’s gonna find me
Put my foot on the gas
Accelerate
Drive so fast
No one’s gonna catch me.

Gonna get in the car
Drive away
Drive so far
No one’s gonna find me
Put my foot on the gas
Accelerate
Drive so fast
No one’s gonna catch me.

It’s about time for CHB to plague poor Bob Cousy and his family by heading off to Worcester to ask the 97-year-old legend whom Pritchard reminds him of.

So Brady is a witless incompetent GM who screwed up a simple trade, correct?
That’s the way this works.

Best of luck tomorrow against Miami of Ohio, UMass.

Sealants!

Really weird when a random old Red Sox game is on NESN+ and you realize pretty quickly you were at it.

Honk if you remember New York Jet QB Geno Smith. I have news about that.

A man broke my Nespresso machine! A one-armed man! You find that man!

Who is your favorite sports agent or agency? Let us know in the comments.

You can tell I’m a serious basketball fan because I refer to a flagrant as an F1.

Kyle Teel is Italian? Austin Wells is Dominican?

Stick tap to the Selection Committee.

Best bet for the weekend: a Donaldbrook over to Southie, kid.

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Joe Giza, Old Friends Lebron and Canadian Soldier, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. Don’t worry. Be happy.

The Fanatics guy knows that he has to do better.

All the in-sports gals must have been pissed they didn’t get to use the ‘don’t be sad USA, your women’s hockey team won!’ troll had Canada won on Sunday.

For those in recent days who’ve played curling for the first time — whaddya think?

Pfft. I can’t believe Tatum is making his comeback all about him.

I feel like they could hand out the medals and the stuffed animals at the same time.

Do you think the guys on the hockey team called Kash, “Patsy“?

If I had Tourettes my tics would be shouting “Queen of the North”, “Deuce is Everything”, and “Bobby Dalbec is The Fruith” because I’m a good fucking person.

Whole lotta Boston bars opened very early on this Sunday and they’re jam-packed. Love to see it.

Jaylen should dribble into more crowds.

Did we really need Bill Speros to blow the lid off the fact that Australia is a long way away?

Cakes are cooking for Sally Jessy Raphael, Tom Courtenay, Herb Elliott, Doug Yule, Ric Flair, Kenny Gradney, Neil Jordan, César Cedeño, James Brown, John Doe, Dennis Diken, Stuart “Woody” Wood, Jeff Fisher, Kurt Rambis, Paul O’Neill, Lee Evans, Brian Baker, Carrot Top, Veronica Webb, Alexis Denisof, Nancy O’Dell, Byron Dafoe, Daniel Powter, Sean Astin, Anson Mount, Julio Iglesias, Jr., Justin Jeffre, Chelsea Handler, Rashida Jones, Kash Patel, Bert McCracken, Tara Wilson, Jameela Jamil, Hideki Matsuyama, and Eugenie Bouchard.

Listening to Bill Simmons “fix” problems by presenting much worse alternatives is so triggering.

Just wait until someone reads the news to Ted Johnson!

According to Babz’s lengthy post, nothing is Fanatics fault, and they are all lovely, caring people. I bet they regret inviting our best and brightest in to give them the what for!

Tabitha Peterson was incredible. Tremendous shot to end it. I am all in on the women’s curling.

Breaking: Ahead of Closing Ceremonies, NBC announces it will dedicate CNBC to show nothing but Curling reruns as run-up to the next Olympiad. Only interruption with be an annual all-day Three Stooges fest on July 4 and Thanksgiving.

Hey gang with a clearly delineated organization chart! This week’s Phrase that Pays is: “My teeth are a lot straighter than yours and my stomach is definitely smaller.”

It’s really tough rooting for the Tkachuk’s.

The fact that Tourette’s guy didn’t shout “WATCH WOMEN’S HOCKEY” proves to me that he is also a raging misogynist.

All the best jobs have non-consecutive days off.

Blue Line: Delays of about 10 minutes due to a signal problem between Maverick and Aquarium. Trains may stand by at stations.

90% of my For You tab is now just “Did you see what [insert new disgusting slob from Barstool] did?!”

Is asking yourself questions as a framing mechanism gay? Yes.

Just pick up a glove!

Anytime you can beat the Lakers when Pat Reilly gets a Saturday Night Fever statue dedicated to him is delicious.

I’m getting really sick and tired of this Connor McDavid vs Josh Allen debate!

How will the Boston Globe print subscribers have any idea that Daily Jeremy Swayman shut down?

Snow core samples?

Is it racist for a honkie to cast a vote for favorite Purple Drank? (It’s Fanta, by the way. Sorry Crush!)

Do the Italians think Coldplay is American?

Let me tell you how it will be

There’s one for you, nineteen for me
‘Cause I’m the taxman
Yeah, I’m the taxman

Should five per cent appear too small?
Be thankful I don’t take it all
‘Cause I’m the taxman

Yeah, I’m the taxman

(If you drive a car, car)
I’ll tax the street
(If you try to sit, sit)
I’ll tax your seat
(If you get too cold, cold)
I’ll tax the heat
(If you take a walk, walk)
I’ll tax your feet

Taxman!

When God Created Adam did he have a Quarterback in mind?

You dummies don’t realize that Tourette’s guy at the BAFTA’s was obviously a work!

Paavo Nurmi!

Honk if you remember when Payton Pritchard was hoping to move on in 2023 so he could go somewhere and have a bigger role, but Brad Stevens kept him and he earned a bigger role with the Celtics.

The first rule of being in a union is that you need to tell everyone you’re in a union.

Everyone wants to be HexClad… until it’s time to perform…pal

Tape Grindah’s cortisol level must be spiking after totally getting Stoolmogged by Ganguay who’s doing a lot of Prezmaxxing lately.

Is an Authentic Fan Council something like a Fan Advisory Group?

Tara Lipinski could definitely wreck a dick.

Love something as much as mother’s do warning you about food recalls in states three time zones away.

You can tell I’m a weather enthusiast because I use terms like ‘mashed potatoes’ and ‘wet cement’ to describe snow.

Best bet for the weekend: thawing, then refreezing. Then repeat.

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Joe Giza, and the members of #the15 were used in this column.

Half the cast from Varsity Blues is dead. If I’m Scott Caan, I’m staying in the crosswalks for a while.

I would like women’s hockey a lot more if these gals smiled every once in a while.

Jayson Tatum’s return to the Celtics feels like the lead-up to Spider-Man: No Way Home. Like how Sony couldn’t officially confirm Tobey Maguire and Andrew Garfield were coming back, but everyone pretty much knew they were.

Just a reminder that Whitey Bulger did not go to Game 7 of the 2011 Stanley Cup Final in Vancouver.

Roman Anthony put on about 15 lbs of muscle and you can see it. To quote one of the great movies of all time “Babies all growns up”. And he’s only 21.

Why was it called the Breakfast Club when they were there all day?

News Item: Sources confirm Phillips Andover has named Ernie Adams their interim Head Coach. And if I were as prepared as Ernie I would have a witty remark ready to go.

‘Portuguese roll’ sounds like an insult.

Cakes are cooking for Yoko Ono, Jean M. Auel, Manny Mota, Judy Rankin, Dennis De Young, Juice Newton, Derek Pellicci, John Travolta, Raymond Rougeau, Vanna White, Andy Moog, Greta Scacchi, Julie Strain, Simon Fletcher, Kevin Tapani, Matt Dillon, Dr. Dre, Molly Ringwald, Alexander Mogilny, Raine Maida, Jillian Michaels, Regina Spektor, Alex Rios, Andrei Kirilenko, Isabel Leonard, Roberta Vinci, and Le’Veon Bell

I’ll tell ya, this Robert Duvall death won’t feel real until I read the paint-by-numbers obit that Rear Admiral writes for Barstool.

Some of you don’t follow the coaching career of the Seattle Seahawks passing game coordinator and it shows!

Let’s see if this guy’s bit goes somewhere.

Man, the latest ep of “The Pitt” was incredible. Maybe the most emotional one so far. Very powerful ending.

The guy whose brand is wearing camouflage cargo shorts everywhere will fix the issues of an apparel company for sure.

I appreciate the extra effort, but I’m good with just throwing it on the burger with some lettuce and salt and getting right after it.!!

Hey gang, this week’s Phrase that Pays is, “Don’t let the Nazi tattoo fool ya, turns out this guy is a real prick.”

For any news outlet trying to reach me by phone – the number you’re calling is my dad’s. He’s 70 and very confused.
Email can be found on my link in bio.

Any known anti-commie coffee based in NH?

RIP Elroy Face. 18-1, 2.70 out of the bullpen for the Pirates in 1959. Honest to God. Three saves for victorious Pirates in ‘60 Series. Not bad for a 5-8 guy.

Knicks are elite at winning things that don’t actually matter.

You can throw out the records when Miami (Ohio) and UMass get together.

Tried to amend my carnivorous habit
Made it nearly 70 days
Losing weight without speed, eating sunflower seeds
Drinking lots of carrot juice and soaking up rays

But at night I’d have these wonderful dreams
Some kind of sensuous treat
Not zucchini fettucini or bulgur wheat
But a big warm bun and a huge hunk of meat

Cheeseburger in paradise
Not too particular, not too precise
Heaven on Earth with an onion slice
I’m just a cheeseburger in paradise.

I’m beginning to think the Football HoF voters really didn’t care if L.C. Greenwood made it in this year or not.

Honk if you remember the Olympics Triplecast.

Max Mercy was definitely giving The Whammer restaurant and movie tips.

If the transgender Nazi can’t hold it together, what hope do the rest of us have?

You can’t tell me that Bad Bunny has sold more units worldwide than Slim Whitman or Boxcar Willie.

Everyone knows the rules: one touch of the curling stone.

Is Jonny Miller at Spring Training?

I’m not about to end up the main character on gymnastics Facebook.

Ernie will exploit a loophole in the eligibility requirements at the Prep level and stock his roster with 28-year-old hardened ex-cons.

The German bobsledders should get to wear those, you know, Prussian spiked helmets. What are they called?

Pro tip: if you’re fasting today, you can drink your bread, like the monks would.

Best bet for the weekend: North America being being well representeted in the Mens & Womens Hockey Finals.

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Joe Giza, Old Friend Lebron and the members of #the15 were used in this column. Can’t do it Sally.