Football Cat has graciously agreed to work the playoffs after very successful regular season. And so:
SATURDAY SUNSET
Browns (-2.5) at Texans
Tricksters versus wildcatters. ‘Stroud’ sounds like a cat warning growl, ‘Flacco’ sounds like one coughing up a hairball. Texans win.
SATURDAY PROWLTIME
Dolphins at Chiefs (-4.5)
Stupidly cold weather favors neither team. So playoff experience wins out. Kansas City gets the W.
If there are any other cheapskates interested in watching the Chiefs-Dolphins game you can get Peacock for free if you sign up for a free 2 week trial of Instacart+ (whatver that is). You don’t need to give them any real info, I just signed up with my burner email address and a fake name; I used’Morris Katz.’
SUNDAY SUNSET
Packers at Cowboys (-7.5)
Cows undefeated at home. Will that matter? Of course it will! Big D big W.
SUNDAY PROWLTIME
Rams at Lions (-3)
Sorry Shovey Sheep, but this is the only cat team in the playoffs. I’m going to be parochial.
MONDAY SUNSET
Steelers at Bills (-10)
Bisons don’t deserve to win after getting the game moved because of snow. But deserve got nothing to do with it.
Snow Cat. See what I did there?
MONDAY PROWLTIME
Eagles (-3) at Buccaneers
Buccaneers have momentum, Philly does not. The Pewter Privateers win at home.
Egads.
Football Cat lives in New Hampshire, enjoys watching football, and is a cat.
Lots of teams resting starters in advance of the playoffs this week. I can understand that.
SATURDAY SUNSET
Steelers (-4) at Ravens
Will the Evil Birds take the gaspipe in the hopes the spirits conspire to keep Buffalo out of the ‘yoffs? Yes.
SATURDAY PROWLTIME
Texans (-1) at Colts
Wildcat Texans round up the Little Horsies.
SUNDAY LUNCHTIME
Buccaneers (-4.5) at Panthers
Bad year for the luckless Black Cats ends as it began.
Browns at Bengals (-7)
Stripey Cats are desperate, Browns have put the bag of tricks away until the playoffs. Cincy wins.
Vikings at Lions (-3.5)
Jungle Kings don’t want to go 3-3 in the division and won’t.
Jets at Patriots (-2)
Prediction: Pats Pirouette Past Planes
Falcons at Saints (-3)
The animals of God’s creation inhabit the skies, the earth, and the sea. They share in the ways of human beings. They have a part in our lives. Francis of Assisi recognized this when he called the animals, wild and tame, his brothers and sisters. Nevertheless, Saints win.
Jaguars (-5) at Titans
Spotted Cats disrespect the Titans.
Seahawks (-2.5) at Cardinals
Cardinals are real birds. Seahawks are not. Nevertheless, the False Birds win.
SUNDAY SUNSET
Bears at Packers (-3)
Da. Bears. Da Win.
Chiefs at Chargers (-3.5)
Chiefs win because of course they do.
Broncos at Raiders (-3)
This is the game that ends in a tie.
Eagles (-5) at Giants
Any NFC East team can beat any other NFC East team. Giants prove this in bad weather against the Phils.
Rams at 49ers (-4)
No Brock Purrdy, no matter? Not if the Shovey Sheep have anything to say about it. Rams win.
Cowboys (-4) at Commanders
Cowpokes want the #2 Seed. Won’t need much fancy ropin’ to get it.
SUNDAY PROWLTIME
Bills (-3) at Dolphins
Prediction: Payables Pork Porps.
Football Cat lives in New Hampshire, enjoys watching football, and is a cat.
Wow. What a Thurrsday night beatdown. And then the bloodletting. Saturday games this weekend, too.
SATURDAY LUNCHTIME
Vikings at Bengals (-3)
Stripey Cats win streak runs to three games.
SATURDAY SUNSET
Steelers at Colts (-1.5)
Go Horse? I guess.
SATURDAY PROWLTIME
Broncos at Lions (-4)
Broncos are hot. Won’t matter. Jungle king cats win.
SUNDAY LUNCHTIME
Falcons (-3) at Panthers
Black Cats luckless streak ends. Sorry birdie.
Festive!
Bears at Browns (-3)
Trickster Browns and Joe Flacco. What a match! Cleveland wins.
Buccaneers at Packers (-3.5)
Prediction: Pack Pummels Pewts.
Jets at Dolphins (-8.5)
Prediction: Porps Plaster Planes
Fly you Dolphin, fly!
Chiefs (-7.5) at Patriots
Heart says Pats, head says Chiefs.
Giants at Saints (-5.5)
Francis of Assisi is the patron saint of Italy. Tommy DeVito and his agent are Italian. Won’t matter, Because St. Francis is also the patron of animals. Like me.
So good with the animals.
Texans at Titans (-3)
Houston’s old team edges Houston’s current team. Go Tits!
SUNDAY SUNSET
49ers (-12.5) at Cardinals
Prospectors and Purrdy too much for the Pretty Birds.
Commanders at Rams (-6.5)
Bighorn Sheepies win bigly.
Cowboys at Bills (-2)
Pokes paste Payables.
Gotcha, you ornery varmint, and things of that nature.
SUNDAY PROWLTIME
Ravens (-3) at Jaguars
Spotted Cats send the visiting Evil Birds back home as losers.
MONDAY NIGHT
Eagles (-4) at Seahawks
Fake Seabirds eke out a home win over the National Bird Team.
Football Cat lives in New Hampshire, enjoys watching football, and is a cat.
I would have probably picked the Stripey Cats for Thurrsday’s game. Good thing I didn’t make a pick. Hey Burrow, cats land on their feet, not on their wrists.
SUNDAY LUNCHTIME
Cowboys (-10.5) at Panthers
Big Blacks Cats get their ninth loss. To correspond with the nine lives cats have.
Steelers at Browns (-1)
Trickster Browns edge their way by Pittsburgh.
Much better than a stupid ‘dawg’ mascot.
Bears at Lions (-7.5)
Lions too tough on their home field turf. Which just happens to be FieldTurf.
This might be Photoshopped.
Chargers (-3) at Packers
Tundra insufficiently frozen for the Pack to beat the Plugs.
Cardinals at Texans (-5)
Is Matt Houston on PlutoTV? Season 1 Episode 13 – The Purrfect Crime – When a cat food mogul is found mauled to death by a domesticated tiger, his four ex-wives retain Matt’s services so they can receive proceeds from the will. That sounds entertaining! The same can’t be said of this game, which the Texans will win.
L-R C.J. Parsons, Esq., Matlock ‘Matt’ Houston
Titans at Jaguars (-7)
Spotted Big Cats get over on Coach Vrabes squadron.
Raiders at Dolphins (-13.5)
Porps might not win by two touchdowns but will indeed win.
SUNDAY SUNSET
Giants at Commanders (-9)
Not sure if any Giants QB can toss the pigskin over the Potomac. Washington all the way.
What a dignified feline.
Buccaneers at 49ers (-12)
The Bay Area is running out of sports teams. The Prospectors are staying, and winning.
Jets at Bills (-7)
Bills are the best.500 team in the league. Jets are aiming for .500. Bisons prevail.
Seahawks (-1) at Rams
False Seabirds and Horned Sheepies tie.
SUNDAY PROWLTIME
Vikings at Broncos (-2.5)
Vikings gonna Viking.
We come from the land of the ice and snow, From the midnight sun where the hot springs flow. The hammer of the gods.
MONDAY NIGHT
Eagles at Chiefs (-3)
Eagles get the unsatisfying ‘Super Bowl rematch during the regular season’ win.
Football Cat lives in New Hampshire, enjoys watching football, and is a cat.
The 15 