The 15

( Originally published November 25th, 2020 at BJBSJournal.com )

Note- Mr. Scartelli has the day off. Please enjoy this submission assembled by his co-workers at Spoiler Alert!, an aftermarket spoiler sales and installation shop in Plainville.

Spoiler Alert: it’s a Prius gamely chugging uphill that’s causing the five mile long slowdown on the Pike.

Spoiler Alert: Boston is in no danger of once again becoming a college football town.

Spoiler Alert: you’re not important enough to receive one of the first doses of the CoVid-19 vaccine.

Spoiler Alert: good seats will still be available at America’s Most Beloved Ballpark.

Spoiler Alert: 50,000,000 Elvis fans CAN be wrong.

Spoiler Alert. it’s not the tryptophan in the turkey that made you pass out on the couch.

Spoiler Alert: Asian women do not have an extra muscle.

Spoiler Alert: you aren’t going to ever use the ‘fax’ feature on your home printer.

Spoiler Alert: no one has hit a 565 foot home run. Ever.

Spoiler Alert: the late Albert DeSalvo may not be responsible for the so-called Boston Strangler slayings.

Spoiler Alert: Brie Larson has a flat ass.

Spoiler Alert: it’s possible to go south on 93 and north on 128 at the same time!

Spoiler Alert: there never was a Loyko Investigation.

Spoiler Alert: Russ isn’t running his socials.

Spoiler Alert: ‘painter of light’ Thomas Kinkaide? A bit of a hack.

Spoiler Alert: the first thanksgiving took place in 1621 and was not a traditional feast of thanks but merely a celebration of a bountiful harvest.

Spoiler Alert: Elle Duncan? Not white!

Spoiler Alert. ‘Corinthian leather’ is not actually a thing.

Spoiler Alert: Pat Burns? Still dead.

Spoiler Alert: yes, AAPL has devised a way to remote drain the battery on your old iPhone in tandem with the release of a new iPhone model.

Spoiler Alert: Sixto looks nothing like Big Papi.

Spoiler Alert: the broad hosting the true crime podcast is in love with the suspect.

Spoiler Alert: Jim Nantz is not your friend.

Spoiler Alert: the Automile in Norwood is actually almost three miles in length.

Spoiler Alert: North American Sports Commissioners are not required to be from New York City!

Spoiler Alert: Len Bias may have sampled cocaine prior to June of 1986.

Spoiler Alert: Mary Ann’s sucked.

Spoiler Alert: Paul Revere did not act alone: he was actually one of several riders on April 18, 1775.

Spoiler Alert: of course that stripper likes you; you just gave her $300.

Spoiler Alert: Bridget pulled the goalie, as it were.

Spoiler Alert: it’s a sled.

Spoiler Alert: A Charlie Brown Thanksgiving won a makeup call Emmy.

Spoiler Alert: Chuck Stuart had help getting off that bridge.

Spoiler Alert: the song title is ‘Your Love’.

Spoiler Alert: the Plymouth Rock you see today is like George Washington’s tomahawk.

Spoiler Alert: BJBSJ – Always First.

Be sure to stop by Spoiler Alert! off Industrial Avenue in Plainville for all your aftermarket spoiler needs.

Here’s a helpful stupid bullshit generator. If you hear a phrase that could be generated by this, you want nothing to do with it:

Generic sentence structure:
“You know what would be fun? A B !”
“We never go to A B anymore”
“You never want to see the A  B anymore”
“Everyone is saying (the) A  B is fun”

“Everyone is saying the Foliage Trail is fun!”
“You know what would be fun? Farm Night!”
“We never go to the Cider Stroll anymore.”

Yes “harvest” is in both columns; you especially want to avoid anything with “Harvest”.

This generator can be a force for good if you change the generic sentences:

“Isn’t this when you and your {relation} go(es) to the A B ?”

Relation:
Mother
Aunt
Friends

“Isn’t this when you and your mom go to the Harvest Festival?”

Submitted as a public service by The15. Originally published on the BSMW Message Board September 29, 2014, by ‘Marty Nopointe’.