Author Archives: scartsy15

8/14/24 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

Not Simone. Not the gravity-defying surfer. She is the image of the Paris Games. And a no doubt about it Halloween costume.

Phew. Recovered from a massive DDOS attack.

So apparently the way to make Zolak finally shut the hell up is to make him the PBP guy.

My dad used to bring me to golf tournaments all the time when I was young. I’d chase conversations and autographs from players after practice rounds. Chi Chi Rodriguez was always among the nicest. I’ll always appreciate his role in those memories as I grew to love the game.

Would love it if Peacock/NBC created a 10- or 12-hour (even longer if necessary) rental or purchase of these past two weeks. Would love the opportunity to rewatch most of it on a cold New England winter night. Almost like a 8-part series even. Any format would be great. A best-of-the-Summer-Olympics movie to watch on a winter night.

Whoever first told Thornton he was funny has a lot to answer for.

Burger King’s croissan’wich is more French than France’s Men’s National Basketball Team.

The Aussies fair dinkum sent a kookaburra to an emu fight, mates!

Aloha means goodbye. Aloha, Juju Smith Schuster.

Oh good. The Jimmy Fund cross promotion. Now the Sox game is going to be dominated by dying kids and Dave O’Brien trying to fake empathy. “Hey, how bad was it to hear you had cancer as a teenager? And you said you had 4 different rounds of chemo before you were 12. I’ll bet that was rough.”

Cakes are cooking for Steve Martin, Susan Saint James, Terry Adams, Bob Backlund, Gary Larson, Debbie Meyer, Rusry Wallace, Jackée Harry, Magic Johnson, Frank Brickowski, Marcia Gay Harden, Mark Gubicza, Catherine Bell, Mark Loretta, Wayne Chrebet, Ana Matronic, Mike Vrabel, Juan Pierre, Mila Kunis, Tim Tebow, and Thorsten Margis.

Not happy the way that NASCAR race ended. Real amateur hour stuff.

Red Line Reminder: August 19-25 Shuttle Buses replace service between Kendall and JFK/UMass due to track work. Buses will not directly service Park Street or Downtown Crossing.

Hi @99Restaurants why do you advertise prime rib but then state it as being choice prime rib? It’s either one or the other.

Haliburton is gonna average 70 a game against Golden State next year.

Which is a better animal story—Kristi Noem’s dead dog or RFK Jr’s dead bear?

“North Star” is the new trendy business buzzword for people who talk but don’t actually do anything. I’ve been seeing it used a bunch, so it totally makes sense these dipshits in Foxboro followed along with it.

I ordered up a Mykhailiuk jersey the other day. Fuck.

Twain said that a cat who sits on a hot stove lid will never sit on a hot stove lid again–or a cold one, either. I imagine that quote doesn’t register with anybody under 60, because nobody uses wood stoves with little round lids you took off to put in another stick of firewood. In my childhood that was how we heated the house. But anyway, I always think that Alex Cora is more afraid of cold stove lids than. . .than he ought to be.

Not sure if it’s because they know bread or because Italy is down the street but pizza in France is sneaky good.

You gotta wait at least a month after a gay guy’s death to call someone a fag. Everybody know this.

My favorite Gabby Starr moment was when she tweeted about the Negro Leagues with a photo of her getting a tan. She deleted it soon after.

Can the whites claim Curry? It’s close. How many Blacks go by ‘Steph’ anyway?

Me And The Boys
Just a bunch of guys gettin’ in the car don’t matter who’s drivin’ or for how far
Feels so good feels so alive
No backseat driver tellin’ us how to drive.
Me and the Boys
Just me and the Boys
Me and the Boys
Me and the Boys.

Hey gang of secret m-fanz, this week’s Phrase that Pays is, “Pink Rob really is MAD at goony Jim, for chrissakes!”

How many sacks did Karen Guregian get in the media game?

Honk if you remember Mark Fidrych.

Embiid looks like he’s made up of broken parts.

Everybody in the Red Sox bullpen looks like they’re in the Aryan brothers gang in ‘Mayor of Kingstown.’

Zolak’s sports coat buttons are gonna knock someone’s eye out.

Every pic I see of Jerod Mayo, his head looks like it was poorly photoshopped onto his body.

Gabz is at the beach more than Joe Biden.

Jarren needs to work on his insult game. Is there a Zoom class for that?

Don’t lie and say you don’t envy all those gleeful Olympians at the Closing Ceremony. I sure do.

Evan Lazar is such a goddamn slob. Can we start a GoFundMe to get him an iron?

$15 for a pineapple? Glad I brought my own.

What do you say to someone taking a shit right next to you in public? You can’t chastise him because if he’s crazy enough to shit in public he’s crazy enough to wipe his shit on you.

Meteor showers and aurora borealis and me sleeping through the whole thing.

Best bet for the weekend: No handball matches on the TV.

Taksmaster Kevin Sullivan 1949-2024.

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Bill James, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. RC Cola and a Moon Pie.

It is also Halle Berry’s birthday. HB HB!

8/7/24 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

Your New England Free Jacks with the free-peat.

Free Jacks Rolling Rally is when?

Wilyer Abreu hitting a three-run homer literally with tears in his eyes after the death of a family member would seem like one of the better baseball stories of the year.

If the IOC wants a foolproof sex test, have those two suspect boxers try and load a dishwasher.

A report late Tuesday said the Patriots are no longer in the picture when it comes to wide receiver Brandon Aiyuk. After reportedly inquiring about his availability, New England decided not to explore trade possibilities involving the pass catcher.

“Belichick stubbornly sticking to his value system” is now “Wolf wouldn’t get stupid with the money.” The tone of the coverage has completely changed. Have to give the team credit: The pizza parties were a fantastic investment.

Minutes after winning gymnastics’ most coveted title, Biles fastened on a white gold necklace and flashed a diamond-encrusted goat pendant toward the camera.

Dating back to 2003, I’ve been through like literally 6 cycles of producing content on the Internet and this is definitely one of the better ones, both just on a personal level and the overall quality of Internet content.

“He’s lacking urgency” the commentator says about the guys sprinting as fast as they can for 10 seconds.

Cakes are cooking for Rodney Crowell, Wayne Knight, Alberto Salazar, Bruce Dickinson, David Duchovny, Elizabeth Manley, Michael Shannon, Charlize Theron, Edgar Renteria, Dimitrios Eleftheropoulos, Samantha Ronson, Jamey Jasta, Sidney Crosby, Kyler Murray, and Jalen Hurts.

I always found Parmesan to be the most sensual of the hard granular cheeses.

Why do French people only have one egg for breakfast? Because it is “un oeuf”! Le chortle!

Green Line B Branch Reminder: Through August 11 – Shuttle buses replace service between Boston College and Babcock Street for track work. Shuttles will not service Allston St, Griggs St and Packard’s Corner due to accessibility issues.

I’m tired of seeing Snoop Dogg. There: I said it.

Worcester’s Own rankings: Stephen Nedoroscik > Eddie Mekka > Tanyon Sturtze.

Who was my first Attitude Era crush? Daffney. She was pretty, but it was more. Her personality just shot through the TV. I’m so beyond happy I was able to interact with her a few times.

Aerosmith. Arguably the greatest American rock & roll band. They will be missed.

Hey gang of hold-in’s, this week’s Phrase that Pays is, “I said when was aren’t in pads but besides me staying hours on hours to sign and throw the ball around with the fan how about y’all come talk to me.”

Silver Medal PtP goes to, “Who the fuck is Harry Frazee?”

My favorite Lucy Burdge bit on Twitter is where she pretends to like food.

I think I could medal in badminton.

Hey, Liberty Mutual, why is your company gouging the citizens of Massachusetts?

Since they were in town, I feel like I have to say this….im totally not into Metallica. Never cared for them….sorry if i have offended anyone.

“Steamer” is one helluva word. Laugh everytime I see it. – Idiot Zo.

We are living in the absolute hardest era of public restroom handwashing. Desperate handwaving at nothingness, like a wizard that lost their powers. Bathroom sinks and soap dispensers designed by Dark Souls developers.

Field hockey isn’t high scoring?

3v3 hoops is the gayest Olympics event and they have literal horse dancing.

In other baseball news, Biily Bean died, but not the one who wrote ‘Moneyball.’ RIP.

Jake Andrews was placed on season ending IR because he has a torn meniscus. It is torn in several places, and he is set to have surgery, per source.

Top 10 all-time meniscus recoveries:

1 Steve Redding (3rd surgery)

2 Steve Redding (1st)

T3 Robert Williams III

T3 Steve Redding (5th)

5 Steve Redding (11th)

6 Steve Redding (2nd)

T7 Steve Redding (4th)

T7 Steve Redding (10th)

9 Steve Redding (7th)

10 Steve Redding (9th)

HC Mayo constantly seeking validation from the loathsome press corps is astounding, if not surprising.

And it’s a free for all in the parking lot,
Tell me who’ll rule the street.
And the night explodes when the cops bring down the heat.
And the chains they crash like thunder,
While the weak ones all retreat.
Gotta draw first blood or they’ll read your funeral rights.
When the lightning strikes.

Gold Medalist Gabby Thomas, from right here in mortgage-free Western Massachusetts. Lordy!

What kind of alphabet do the Polacks use? I don’t think I’ve ever seen an L with a line through it before.

Every time A Bar Song by Shaboozy comes on I think it’s Wonderwall by Oasis.

I personally don’t understand why tenpin bowling isn’t an Olympic sport. Nearly every country plays it, the pros come from all over the world, and it’s extremely inexpensive for a host country to have a venue in to play it – just use an existing, high-end bowling center in whatever city hosts it.

Honk if you still have cassette tapes in your media collection. Audio or video.

I bet Alex Cora has taken some practice swings at Triston Casas. In his mind.

Bill Weld wouldn’t jump into the Seine.

Hocker? Damn near killed the Norwegian and British runners!

If two guys named ‘Dave & Chuck The Freak’ were broadcasting in this market I think I would know about it.

the next American women’s sport super star should be Ashleigh Johnson if you love water polo.

Anybody else notice that the AI imitation of Al Michaels’ voice doesn’t actually sound like Al Michaels?

Nice of Eck to show up at his daughter’s hearing in the Granite State.

Do they make cowboy boots with big toe boxes? Asking for future Country 93.7 employee MegO.

Best bet for the weekend: huge savings during the sales tax holiday!

(leans slightly) “Greatest guy in the world”(didn’t lean)”never heard of him.”

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Bill James, Old Friend Kingasurus and the members of #the15 were used in this column Oh, blame it on midnight. Ooh, shame on the moon.

Et nous souhaitons un joyeux anniversaire à la mannequin française Aurélie Claudel. Ooh, and might I add, là là.

7/31/24 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

Going great.

The Sox tapping out every year immediately after the All-Star game is so weird.

Matthew Judon sat on a trash can watching pass-rushers practice? Doesn’t he know they put a PlayStation in the locker room??

“It’s not based on The Last Supper, but rather on an obscure Dutch painting from the 17th century!” has real, “We didn’t name our candy bar after the most famous baseball player in America in 1920, but after the dead daughter of a former President!” energy.

There’s a macabre subset of Celtics Twitter that loves talking about how long Len Bias and Reggie Lewis have been dead.

El Prez can’t claim the child tax credit for his girlfriend?

The US men’s basketball team and the US women’s beach volleyball team are both wearing long spandex pants. Disapprove!

Cakes are cooking for Gerry Philbin, Sab Shimono, Bill Weld, Barry Van Dyke, Evonne Goolagong Cawley, Alan Autry, Michael Biehn, Bill Berry, Mark Cuban, Dale Hunter, Sandra Hodge, Wesley Snipes, Fatboy Slim, J.K. Rowling, Andre Ware, Chris Weinke, Jonathan Ogden, Tim Couch, Zac Brown, B.J. Novak, DeMarcus Ware, Evgeni Malkin, and Kyle Larson.

Here’s the thing: There’s only so many plays one can run on offense in team handball.

@Dart_Adams Donna Summer: from Dorchester or Mission Hill? Always thought Dot but heard/read MH somewhere.

Hey gang of Volvik users, this week’s Phrase that Pays is, “Are you fucking Caleb Williams?”

Why does Steve Kerr hate Tyrese Halliburton?

Green Line Update: Regular service has resumed between Heath Street and Brigham Circle.

What a stupid ritual wakes are. Gonna kneel in front of this rotting corpse filled with formaldehyde and pray to an old guy in the sky. Totally normal! Free Jacks won their playoff game.

Overheard at #The15 water cooler: “Dude, this gash football game is kinda tense!”

Great to see Dorchester gal Ayo Edebiri kicking ass onscreen with Robert Townsend in S3 of “The Bear”, 37 years after his iconic movie Hollywood Shuffle.

Oh good; water polo has VAR too.

The Call Her Daddy whore should ask Simone if the trainer made her squirt.

Next Olympics: Breaking 2: Electric Boogaloo.

Oh wow, Don Orsillo called a Padres no-hitter? I’m sure he’ll never tell us about it.

Anyone know the medal count?

We got on the ol’ Ouija Board to try and contact the restless spirit of Red Sox Poet Laureate Dick Flavin to see if he’d honor us with a timely poem. Here’s what we got:

“Detox Day is a movable feast,

When you need it the most or need it the least.

When your mouth is so dry you can’t even spit,

Or when your overtaxed liver is ready to quit.

Those will be days are the, the days..”

It goes on and on like that.

Duquette’s dumbest idea, that Karen Read is innocent or Wilfredo Cordero?

That can only mean Theo Epstein will be the one to come in and actually free Karen.

And the train conductor says,
Take a break, Driver 8.
Driver 8, take a break,
We can reach our destination.
But we’re still a ways away, but it’s still a ways away.
But we’re still a ways away, but it’s still a ways away.

A way to shield the hated heat.
A way to put myself to sleep.
A way to shield the hated heat.
A way to put myself, my children to sleep.

Savannah Guthrie always has a look on her face like she just asked, ‘You want to put what where?’

The US women’s gymnastics team is like a Benetton ad.

Tatum getting stapled to the bench was the worst act of terrorism ever involving a member of the Kerr family.

Yes, Ma: I heard about the deli meat recall.

TITTPT.

The Patriots reward another one of their own: The team and Davon Godchaux have agreed to a two-year extension worth up to $21M with $16.5M guaranteed. The deal was done by Drew Rosenhaus, Jason Rosenhaus and Ryan Matha.

Wait, there’s men’s field hockey?

RB Aaron Jones should have plenty of opportunities earlier for Minnesota.

Honk if you remember Jimmer Fredette.

Has there ever been a team like the 2024 Yankees before? I’ve never seen one. It’s like Maris and Mantle were traded to the 1962 Mets.

Hey guys, that’s Lenny DiNardo! *blank stares*

Try harder to make us like you Coach Mayo. It’s going to happen. Soon.

That Aussie RugbyRoo Sevens gal almost ran down Spiff Cedrick like Ben Watson did Champ Bailey.

My grade on the Revs trade? Um, incomplete?

Imagine having a problem with Simone Biles. (Gerry Callahan not eligible)

Tough loss, Renegades.

Best bet for the weekend: Judon gets neither a bag or his flowers.

Le Festin des Dieux – Jan van Bijlert OK, I can kinda see it.

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Bill James, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. Citius, Altius, Fortius – Communiter.

And happy birthday to American model Chandra North.

7/24/24 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

Camp. For Training.

Has Coach Mayo used “Optum” as an adjective yet?

Kenley Jansen has an irregular heartbeat? What a coincidence; so do I, when I see him come in from the bullpen! Bwahahahaha!

Sam Hauser, getting paid like he owns a suburban daycare center.

Coors Field features two of my favorite Stupid Cool Things in baseball: The forest in center field, and the row of purple seats to denote one mile above sea level.

Imagine going to Duluth and your first thought is to ask Big Gym about it.

Can’t help but be distracted by a TBS game broadcast using a TNT Sports graphics package.

Aaron Rodgers, reporting for duty on reporting day.

Cakes are cooking for Ruth Buzzi, Bob Lily, Dan Hedaya, Robert Hays, Michael Richards, Lynda Carter, Gus Van Sant, Steve Grogan, Robbie Grey, Paul Geary, Julie Krone, Karl Malone, Barry Bonds*, Nick Nurse, Kristin Chenoweth, Jennifer Lopez, Rick Fox, Patty Jenkins, Danny Dyer, José Valverde, Rose Byrne, Valerio Scassellati, Summer Glau, Anna Paquin, Elisabeth Moss, Patrice Bergeron, and Kyle Kuzma.

Orange Line: Trains may travel at reduced speeds or stand by at stations while maintenance personnel conduct track inspections. Then again, they may not.

Am I un-American if I was rooting for South Sudan?

Been saying Bolt is the most dominant athlete for a long time now…..put some respect on Usain Bolt name.

I don’t think anybody under 40 can throw a frisbee.

Kirk Herbstreit announces new show featuring his dog Ben? The seize and decyst from Mina Kimes and Lenny is on the way! Woof.

Hammer dulcimer!

The multipart BET “Rap City” docuseries was a slap in the face to its longtime viewers. It covered almost NOTHING about why “Rap City” was groundbreaking, essential, or necessary from its inception on August 11th, 1989. I’ll write about it because I remember damb near everything!

I ain’t calling some other grown man ‘McLovin.’

Don’t you just love the pomp and pageantry of the Olympic Opening Ceremonies, Craig? I really do.

OK, trust falls, then the breakout sesh!

Gees, the COVID bubble champs regardless of the sport are sensi and salty.

Poor people always find time to fuck.

Hearing whispers Jonathan Jones had a nice first day of camp. He finished with two pass breakups.

Your New England Free Jacks need a win Saturday to reach the MLR Finals!

The 1901 Detroit Tigers had only one regular or near-regular player who went by and is listed today by his actual first name or a common derivative of that. No less than 3 of their regulars went by the monicker “Kid”. The others were called “Sport”, “Ducky”, “Doc”, “Pop” and “Fritz.”

Moving forward, using all my breath.
Making love to you was never second best.
I saw the world crashing all around your face.
Never really knowing it was always mesh and lace.

I’ll stop the world and melt with you.
You’ve seen the difference, and it’s getting better all the time.
There’s nothing you and I won’t do.
I’ll stop the world and melt with you.

Summer in Boston meant the TV lineup changed. Suddenly, channel 25 added “The Monkees” to the lineup & channel 66 added “Gidget” starring a young Sally Field. Next came the “Creature Double Feature”, “Kung Fu Theater” & Frankie Avalon/Annette Funicello film marathons all Summer.

I made over 100 grand working construction every year Biden was President.

Am I supposed to root against the US Olympic Team because MLS doesn’t have promotion and relegation?

Not even a mention of Klobuchar as a potential VP pick. But that aint a problem for us Klob Slobs, we’re patient folk.

Jerod Mayo is going to re-injure something with all the false hustle he’s putting out.

Honk if you remember the Pine Tar Game.

Was just thinking the other day it’s been forever since I saw a frog in my yard and then yesterday, boom! A tree frog out on the porch. Nature, uh, finds a way.

Commander Biden tried to warn us about the Secret Service.

Going to miss seeing that tall girl play the Olympic 3 on 3 basketball.

Jackie Connors. Now an Eternal Eagle. RIP.

The Sports Junk Drawer turned into MSNBC so gradually no one even noticed. #LeanForward

Best bet for the weekend: Red Sox determine whether they will be buyers or sellers at the MLB trade deadline.

Zesty drip! Mothers, lock up your daughters!

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Bill James, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. Here comes the night.

BdlG in Gucci, which is not an official sponsor of the 2024 Paris Olympic Games.

7/18/24 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

Jarren Duran. Si, mas!

Kysre?

Are you now a member of the Patriots coaching staff? Are you sure? Check your emails.

The MLB ASG was very Red Sox intensive. As it should be.

Doubtless everyone in Jamaica Plain was rooting for the Fila-sponsored Barbora Krejcikova, to win Wimbledon, right?

If you can’t use a hammer correctly, sailing might not be your thing either.

MLB Draft: 9 of the first 21 players selected in the first round are Black players. #Diversity

Spaniards must be partying like it’s 1799 with the Euro Cup win and Alcaraz as the Wimbledon Men’s champ.

Ingrid Andress is going to rehab? This is going to ruin the tour.

Bedtime at 8:30 is delightful, sorree!

Cakes are cooking for Dick Button, Tenley Albright, Paul Verhoeven, Dion DiMucci, Joe Torre, Craig Fuller, Richard Branson, Nick Faldo, Elizabeth McGovern, Wendy Williams, Dan O’Brien, Vin Deisel, Anfernee Hardaway, Bruce Walker, Torii Hunter, Elsa Pataky, Ben Sheets, Dion Branch, Kristin Bell, Priyanka Chopra, and Canelo Alvarez.

Fun Fact: ‘Kysre’ is pronounced. ‘kaiser!’

Watching some Nets/Cavs from 1993 and Paolo Banchero reminds me so much of Derrick Coleman.

My grass is so brown Gerry Callahan is throwing rocks at it.

Tough loss at Wimbledon, but at least Jasmine Paolini now gets to go back to The Shire and marry Sam Gamgee.

Three monocle emojis can sometimes mean, ‘I’m happy for my Celtics teammate’, right?

Green Line B and C branch trains are currently terminating at Park Street due to a track problem at Government Center. For service to Boston College or Cleveland Circle from Government Center, board any train and switch at Park Street.

Greg Dickerson: “Is it bad that I’m insanely jealous of the hawk tuah girl? I just want fame and fortune for living life with no talent.” Sad!

Does Dave O’Brien even like his job? Guy should be conducting estate sales.

Red Sox drafted David Ortiz’s son, D’Angelo, in the 19th round. The Yankees will literally never know peace.

My “for you” tab is all fight vids and videos of animals you wouldn’t think would be friends, but are.

Jeff Howe thinks Dickie V. should stop showboating.

Hey gang of insecure phenoms! This week’s Phrase that Pays is, “I’m not afraid of you or your resources.”

BattleBots!

Uh, Dakota Fannings breakout role was in I Am Sam, 3 roles before Man on Fire.

Looking at Shakira is always a treat but once again who asks for music at a sporting event?

No better way to prove you’re definitely not jealous or bothered by criticism than to make another tweet about it a day later.

This Week’s Bill Simmons Mad Libs: “Is Jamie Lee Curtis the Eli Manning of her generation?”

Anybody with the last Campbell is called Soupy or Soup.

Jarren Duran joins Yaz, Roger, Pedro, and JD Drew as Red Sox All Star Game MVP winners.

Chanting at sporting events is like verbally holding hands with other guys.

Two absolutely fantastic rookie pitchers this year, Skenes and Miller. When was the last time we had two rookies like that in one year?

I can see why you think you belong to me.
I never tried to make you think or let you see
one thing for yourself.
But now you’re off with someone else and I’m alone.
You see I thought that I might keep you for my own.

Amie, what you wanna do?
I think I could stay with you,
For a while, maybe longer if I do.

News Item: Bill Belichick to join the cast of The CW’s ‘Inside the NFL’ The CW still exists? Is it on after ‘Gossip Girl?’

Bro, you need to get to Comerica.

What happens if you say ‘Klutch Sports Group’ five times in a mirror?

I’ve seen D’Angelo Ortiz play a few times. Good approach, works the count. Table-setter at Miami Dade. Smart player, too. He worked hard and played two years of juco. Nothing glamorous there, just bus rides and ball.

What a bizarre culture we’ve created where the third wheel on a hockey podcast feels the need to tell us he’s laying off the benzos.

Honk if you remembered to watch the ESPY’s.

Gaylord Perry would have liked that ‘Hawk Tuah’ gal.

Well at least the fans from the South American countries didn’t live down to stereotypes and low expectations in the Copa.

Third Eye Blind can pack ’em in at Great Woods and 50 Cent can’t? We truly live in an odd odd time in history.

Kayla Burton, Steve’s kid, NBC Sports Boston. Your thoughts?

Hillbilly Elegy is a prime day deal $7.45. I Am due for a next book to read and heard it was good.

Aloha means ‘goodbye.’ Aloha, Gregg Berhalter.

Now you can’t stream to Twitter unless you’re a “Premium Member?” Thanks for making it tougher to survive as a content creator, Elon.

Best bet for the weekend: high drama at Royal Troon.

Jaylen. Kysre. Cute couple of hoopers.

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Bill James, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. Modified limited hiatus?

And happy birthday to pale British actress Kelly Reilly.

Still Even More Little-Known Beantown (and Foxborough) Sports Facts!

Note: Patrick Scartelli has taken this week off from Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer. In his place is an excerpt from good friend of The15net dot com, sportswriter Mr. Stanislas Tecumseh Darden, Jr., with an excerpt from his book, ‘406 Little-Known Beantown (& Foxborough) Sports Facts!’

Boston Celtics GM Danny Ainge traded the first overall pick in the 2017 NBA Draft to Philadelphia for their third overall pick, and selected Jayson Tatum!

John Bucyk scored 545 goals as a member of the Boston Bruins!

The city of Boston has never hosted an Olympic Games!

Boston Red Sox center fielder Dom DiMaggio’s brothers Vincent and Joseph also played baseball professionally!

Former Bruins player Gregory Campbell’s nickname was and is ‘Soupy!’

Celtics mascot Lucky doesn’t take cabs!

During a 1961 game between the then-Boston Patriots and the then-Dallas Texans, a fan in a trench coat went into the end zone to bat down a potential game-winning pass!

From 1947 until 1999, no advertisements could be found on Fenway Park’s Green Monster!

In 1970, Robert Gordon Orr won the Norris, Art Ross, Conn Smythe, and the Hart Trophy, becoming the only player to win all four awards during the same season!

Dick Flavin is an American poet known as the “poet laureate of the Boston Red Sox!”

Boston Garden was the first arena to host the Stanley Cup Final and NBA Finals at the same time in 1957!

Coachmen love The Head of the Charles Regatta!

On Mother’s Day of 2007, the Red Sox erased a 5-run deficit in the bottom of the 9th inning, winning 6-5!

After losing the Snow Bowl playoff game in Foxboro to the Patriots, the Oakland Raiders reached the Super Bowl the very next season, and lost that game as well, 21-48! Quit whining about the officiating, losers!

Fenway Park has not hosted an All-Star Game since 1999!

The Boston Bruins were founded in 1924!

When Ted Williams played the final game of his career at Fenway Park on September 28, 1960, there were only 10,454 people in the stands, much fewer than the total number of people who would later claim to have been there!

The Boston College Eagles were charter members of the original Big East Conference!

There is no longer a GameStop location in Patriot Place!

Late Celtics star Reggie Lewis played his college ball in Boston as well, for Northeastern University!

David ‘Big Papi’ Ortiz has an Identical Best Friend, named Sixto!

The USS Constitution “Old Ironsides,” like many Navy vessels fields a baseball team!

Nina Kuscsik was the first woman to officially win the Boston Marathon, which occurred in 1972!

The Bruins were the first NHL team to own a Zamboni and also the first NHL team to get rid of Zamboni, TD Garden have used Olympia Ice Resurfacers since 2015!

During his pro wrestling career, Pete Doherty, The Duke of Dorchester defeated Fred Marzino 28 times with no wins scored by Marzino!

Schaefer Stadium was originally built in Mexico as a soccer venue for the 1970 World Cup, and was purchased at discount by the Sullivan family, disassembled, transported stateside, and rebuilt in Foxboro!

The original Boston Garden opened in 1928 as ‘Boston Madison Square Garden!’

The Patriots record during Upton Bell’s tenure as GM was 9-19!

Former Red Sox skipper Walpole Joe Morgan meets broadcaster Joe Morgan every few months for lunch to exchange misaddressed fan mail!

Follow Mr. Darden at @StdSportswriter on Twitter.

books

7/3/24 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

Oh no.

Wow, summer sports doldrums really set in this week, am I right, Michael? Heh heh heh.

Celtics just gonna set it up and run it again? Love to see it.

Matt Grzelcyk will be swapping out the NHL’s original Black and Gold for a different town’s black and gold. Enjoy the Three Rivers, Grizz. Charlestown is forever proud of you no matter. Best of luck, pal.

Just wait until our soccer players are playing in Europe then we’ll be a force to be reckoned with.

I guess Marketa Vondrousova has plenty of unplanned free time now to take in the sights and sounds of London town.

It’s okay Wyc. Lots of us don’t own a sports arena. Thanks for your stewardship of the team.

I am not a fan of all these advancements in AI. I’m worried more people are going to lose their jobs to robots. This World is moving all too fast for me and I just don’t trust AI unless it is being intended for good causes. Plus I hate that the lower-case L and capital i look the same in Twitter font. I’m having a tough time deciding if people are talking about AL or Ai.

Idiot holdouts denying me Supermax Jayson Tatum and Framingham Karen Read in the same week.

Portugal always has awesome uniforms.

Did I tune into day two of the NBA Draft or was that a Make-A-Wish documentary?

Cakes are cooking for Kurtwood Smith, Iain MacDonald-Smith (no relation), Betty Buckley, Dave Barry, Jan Smithers, Frank Tanana, Montel Williams, Stephen Pearcy, Hunter Tylo, Tom Cruise, Greg Vaughn, Moises Alou, Neil O’Donnell, Brian Cashman, Teppo Numminen, Audra MacDonald, Benedict Wong, Shawnee Smith, Teemu Selänne, Shane Lynch, Ludivine Sagnier, Sotirios Kyrgiakos, Olivia Munn, Sebastian Vettel, and Elle King.

One of the things I love about the NHL Draft is how, once round 2 starts, teams just announce picks right there from their tables. Rapid fire.

You know Red Sox fans, if the MLB playoffs started right now, that would be really odd seeing as they haven’t even played the All-Star Game yet.

Hey, gang of grifter ghosters! This week’s Phrase that Pays is, “I got, like, a bunch of felonies, like, that I’m facing. And like, I want them to go away.”

Cumberland Farms upping the coffee price every 6 months is so annoying. They’re not much cheaper than Dunkin anymore.

Don Sweeney? Absolute immunity! Sorrey!!

How many of you remember the expression “three hots and a cot?” Old Army guys would say they joined up to get three hot meals a day plus a place to sleep.

I never seen Lauri Markkanen rockin’ the Adidas slides with the gray Fubu sweatshorts. Ya dig?

‘Esplanade’ is a fun word.

Karen, you’ve really emboldened this bullied kid to talk more openly about shitting his pants.

If I can’t call Nikita Zadorov ‘Big Z’, I will instead call him, Baked Ziti! All abroad!

Take the T on the 4th of July: Subway: Saturday service to 3pm, then weekday. Bus: Sunday service. Commuter Rail & Ferry: Weekend service. FREE subway, bus, CR, and ferry after 9:30 PM.

Are the Free Jacks primed to Free-peat?

I hope NHL Commissioner Gary Bettman is doing okay health-wise. There appeared to be something off at both Game 7 of the Stanley Cup Final and last night at the NHL Draft. I am not a doctor and my opinion on this does not matter, but I hope he’s doing okay.

At least Martin Mull can be reunited with Shifty Shellshock.

There is a small but deadly population of Timber Rattlesnakes in the Greater Boston area, as well as other isolated parts of Massachusetts.

Xander Bogaerts (not playing) and Don Orsillo (as an opposing broadcaster) returning to Fenway Park for the first time really had me in my feels.

Do you think Alan Jackson lubes his cock before he fucks Karen Read in the ass, or does the anal leakage act as enough of a lubricant?

Elephants are famously large. Making larger than life sculptures of them seems like gilding the lily.

Six hardboiled eggs is a perfectly sane breakfast to eat on vacation.

I hope Jared Zero was able to watch the Celtics parade coverage from that nice farm he’s on in upstate New York.

There she stood in the street.
Smiling from her head to her feet.
I said, “Hey, what is this, now baby”, maybe,
Maybe she’s in need of a kiss

I said, “Hey, what’s your name, baby?
Maybe we can see things the same.”
Now don’t you wait or hesitate,
Let’s move before they raise the parking rate.

All right now, baby, it’s all right now.
All right now, baby, it’s all right now.
Let me tell you now.

People regarded Jordan & Pippen as a Batman & Robin situation as opposed to a Superman & Batman partnership and that affected how every other basketball duo was viewed in the past 35 years… Jayson Tatum & Jaylen Brown are more like Iron Man & War Machine or Cable & Deadpool.

Make one joke about an asteroid taking out a bunch a lunatics in pink shirts outside a courthouse and next thing ya know, one week twitter ban. Free speech yada yada yada.

Honk if you know the US President who was born on the Fourth of July.

Patriots just gonna set it up and run it again with Bill the GM’s players? Love to see it.

Gary Striewski signs multi-year extension with ESPN. But not during Pride Month?

76’ers collecting all the slugs. Trust that process.

I have a friend who screws up Rocket Man every time. Instead of “Burning out a fuse up here alone” he says “Burning out a fuse with Cheap Cologne” it drives me nuts.

FSG shoulda brought that Barstool whoah-personality in on Friday so Donny O could get a piece.

Fun Fact: the HP Hood Company maintains several stands of birch trees throughout all six New England states that eventually become the Hoodsie Cup’s iconic wooden spoons.

Know this: ‘Himno Nacional’ sounds like someone Peter Gammons tried to foist on us as a Very Special Person in the late 90s.

What an honor it must be to shake the hand of the deputy commissioner of the NBA at 4:42 on a Thursday afternoon when the Pacers pick you 36th overall.

When are the Bruins going to re-sign Swayman?

I hope that poor performance doesn’t affect the USMNT’s really real top 15 FIFA ranking.

Everybody knows about Joe DiMaggio. You’re a baseball fan if you can explain about Vince and Dom. You may need help is you know about Vince Jr.

Robots counting 18 munchkins would be wild.

Does anyone know a good Vancouver based sports marketing firm? Asking for Jake D.

The social media app is Twitter, the tall building at 200 Clarendon is the John Hancock, and people who own NBA franchises are Owners. GTFO with this governor nonsense.

We sure the Celtics didn’t mean to draft Creighton Scheierman from Baylor?

Some EXCITING news to share on the eve of long holiday weekend ahead: All three Rub Smoke Love rubs are now found in all Massachusetts Hannaford grocery stores!

Best bet for the weekend: Solarcaine.

A fine summer tradition.

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Bill James, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. I will be taking next week off for real. Something will run in this place. Enjoy the 4th.

BdlG wants you to know the beaches are open! Except for the closed ones.

July TO’s & Threes – Celtics Column -1976 Rewind

By Vinny Jace, Special to the15net dot com:

So after the confetti fell and delighting in the promise of a new beginning, let’s look back at the last hurrah for the Old Guard Celtics dynasty. The old, hobbled 1976 Celtics nearing the end of their unheralded run of the decade. The last vestiges of the Bill Russell-era John Havlicek and Don Nelson stand at 36-years old, which in the 1970s for an athlete they might as well be pushing 50. In the final season before the ABA-NBA merger provided an influx of young, raw and exciting new players, the dynastic Celtics faced off against the Cinderella Phoenix Suns in what would be a memorable battle between young and old.

Watching the Celtics of this era you could tell this was the end, and even the vaunted cultural values exposed by Celtics great of the fifties, sixties and early seventies gave way to more me-centric style of basketball. While they fought to hold off a more harmonious opponent, the 1976 Celtics had subtle conflicts between young and old that would lead to a period of non-contention between 1977 and 1979.

Paul Silas stood for the old guard. You can imagine him on the 1962 Celtics next to Satch Sanders, hustling and making the smart players. But on the other side you had guard Charlie Scott who never saw a shot he didn’t like. Silas acknowledged the vibe was off, saying “One of these nights, we’re going to reach back and nothing’s going to be there.”

Perhaps the Celtics are guilty of losing touch with themselves during this era, and deserve more blame for trying to get with the times as they’d later regret when they acquired Curtis Rowe, Sidney Wicks, Marvin Barnes and most disastrously Bob McAdoo.

Historical franchises born into the lap of God tend to have a certain mystique to them, often attributing their own success to a code of ethics. The Yankees even before the George Steinbrenner enforced dress code in 1974, still wore a snooty, arrogant, clean cut attitude revealing in their superiority complex. The New England Patriots (until Belichick was ousted) preached many things, but mostly accountability and a dedication to preparing.

What the Celtics are then and still are is the most egalitarian franchise. While the league rushed to adopt the heliocentric model where one player has an astronomical usage rate, the Celtics spread the wealth making them pliable. From the days of Cousy, Heinsohn, Russell, to today with Tatum and Brown, the Celtics are not one trick ponies and will be damned if you find them in a position where they are top heavy.

The hinge point of the Celtics is the trading of backup point guard Paul Westphal to Phoenix for aforementioned guard Charlie Scott. Westphal was a young, budding star languishing in anonymity on the bench. Red Auerbach was left with a dilemma. The 1975 Celtics outside of Jo Jo White and Cowens, are an old roster, and White would not coexist with Westphal. White did not want to have nights where he was complimenting Westphal and didn’t get the shine.

Jo Jo needed a partner in the backcourt and it wasn’t going to be Westphal. Out he went and in came Charlie Scott. The Rasheed Wallace of his day in terms of fouling out of games. Scott shot the ball well on the stat sheet and I’m sure he was a quality player, but every time I seen him play I come away annoyed. The ball slips off his palm, he’s too eager to shoot and doesn’t move the ball to my liking… but that’s not what the stats say, so maybe I don’t know what I’m talking about.

Scott performed as White’s companion and the Celtics finished 54-28, second only to the Golden State Warriors for best record in 1975-76. Scott averaged a 17-4-4 on decent shooting, and fouled over four times a game making him an erratic player. In the playoffs Scott would foul out of 11 of the 18 games, 5 of the 6 finals games, and somehow save his best for last.

Before Game 6 Klay, there was Game 6 Charlie. The Celtics won their playoff series in roughly the same fashion every time. Six-games it would take, with Scott doing the honors of slamming the door shut once and for all.

Vs Buffalo: 13-24, 31 points, 6 rebounds, 4 assists

Vs Cleveland: 7-13, 20 points, 2 rebounds, 3 assists

Vs Phoenix: 9-24, 25 points, 11 rebounds, 3 assists – 5 steals! (The box score didn’t track steals in games before the finals)

Phoenix headed home in the hopes of extending their Cinderella tale to a seventh game. On the backs of star Paul Westphal, and two precocious, extraordinary rookies Alvan Adams and Ricky Sobers. The 42-40 squad shook the shackles of mediocrity, upsetting the favored defending champion Warriors (because when they beat up Rick Barry he threw the game when he realized none of his teammates defended him). The gentle coach John MacLeod had taken his diverse group of veterans, cast-offs, rookies and made them title contenders through grit and spit. They played a better brand of basketball the Celtics did that year and is not a coincidence that a Celtic was at the head of it all.

1976 is the year everything changed for the Phoenix Suns.

Heading into the sixth and final game of the finals, after a three-overtime thriller, it was apparent early on that both the Suns and Celtics were punch drunk. White played 60 minutes and by the end of the night was sitting on the hardwood floor during free throws. Gar Heard led the game by playing 61 minutes. And in the heated Boston Garden Tom Heinsohn collapsed due to heat exhaustion. Fortunately, this being the 1970s he merely went home and did not go to the hospital.

Phoenix was not haunted by the loss the game before, coming oh so close to what would’ve been a commanding series lead. In fact, they were inspired. “We know we’re going to beat them.” Gar Heard declared. “It’s going to take seven now, but we know we’re going to beat them. We showed we came to play.”

Perhaps the confidence stemmed from the fact back in those days participating in a game that required such heroics just to finish earned praise from supporters and detractors alike. Back when we used to celebrate athletic feats of heroism and not subscribe value in the end result.

The weary teams, littered with battle scars limped around for forty-eight minutes hoisting up off balanced, out of rhythm shots having only a prayer of converting. The game was like if two prize fighters went the full fifteen, but the judges decided a sixteenth was needed.

No team cracked 20 in the first or second quarters. Boston held Phoenix to 13-points, the lone pulse of the Celtics offense being Scott who dawned the Superman cape for the third straight Game Six. Having fouled out of every game of the series, Red approached Scott and explained to him his importance and how if he were to foul out where the Celtics reserves were Glenn McDonald and Kevin Stacom they’d be in trouble. Scott only fouled 5 times that night and avoided fouling out.

Possessions resembled a car crash under the basket. The rhythm and flow of the game was off by a substantial margin, each team searching for that extra jolt that wasn’t there.

The game had a total of 12 ties, the Suns were all too real to be a fairy tale and never let the Celtics put them to bed. Garfield Heard and Curtis Perry regained their sea legs and established their running game and pierced the Celtics defense to a 66-all draw with 8 minutes left to go.

Boston couldn’t establish much of a running game and settled for outside shots (back when that was considered a bad thing), their tired legs couldn’t jump over a phone book and during the parade of misses the Celtics mustered a pitiful 34 points in the second half.

The shifting tide came from the tired legs of Cowens finessing the ball from the gangly arms of Adams, leading the the 6-9 center to take it to the basket for the only way you could get three-points in one possession pre-three point line. The Celtics cranked up the old machine one last time to shut down the Suns and in the blink of the eye the old bastards led by 10.

When the game finished it felt like mercy was delivered. The green teams legs seemed rejuvenated not only by the victory, but by the fact the grueling experience was over. The sickly Heinsohn who captained an old Celtics team with a dearth of options to the mountaintop once again.

When all else failed, the Celtics fell back on their time-tested values. The Suns proved worthy foes. The two clashed for the most underrated playoff series in league history, filled with countless momentum shifts and leaving it all on the floor. The Phoenix Suns experienced a rebirth. The Celtics gained another banner.

Not this one.

Vinny Jace appears on the Entitled Weekend podcastHe does not live in The Valley of the Sun.

6/26/24 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

Coach Joe. A sicko, but our sicko.

If I were Michael Hurley, I would simply not be terrible and unfunny.

Giddey. Caruso. The rare impactful honky-for-honky trade.

It’s bad enough when these NFL draft morons ‘grind tape!’ We’re supposed to believe that some whore from Florida with saggy silver dollar flapjacks is watching junior hockey?

if there isn’t already a Boston championships parade shirt with “we’ll duck you up”/“time to get ducked up”/“let’s ducking go” and a duck boats illustration……… we need it

Has anyone been bitten by a shark while hoisting the Stanley Cup?

Lukaku is Congolese for the ‘cattle are dying.’

Cakes are cooking for Rober Davi, Tara VanDerveer, Mick Jones, Chris Issak, Patty Smyth, Greg LeMond, Harriet Wheeler, Pamela Wright, Kirk McLean, Shannon Sharpe, Nick Offerman, Paul Thomas Anderson, Gretchen Wilson, Derek Jeter, Chad Pennington, Michael Vick, Casey Desmond, Jennette McCurdy, and Ariana Grande.

Just once in my life, I want to witness twin tornadoes so I can exclaim to no one in particular, “Ok…we got sisters!”

I’m gonna use a saying my dad told me years ago in relations to Gisele ..if you’re gonna build your house on the golf course..then you can’t complain when the golf balls start coming thru the window

The Knicks paid out way more for Brooklyn’s Bridges than the Dutch originally did for the island of Manhattan!

What good is the “eye test” when you don’t know what you’re looking at?

Red Line Reminder: Beginning at 8:30 PM on Friday, June 28, and through the weekend of June 29-30 Alewife Trains bypass Kendall/MIT Station due to construction. Riders can transfer, for free, at Central or Charles/MGH.

The Negro League kept better records than Sal.

Hey gang that definitely has no cultist tendencies, this week’s Phrase that Pays is, “I’m not in a cult retard.”

So every “Heat Culture” loser currently peacocking over a Fort Lauderdale hockey team’s heimlich maneuver Game 7 win were discounting the Celtics three-loss playoff performance last week, yes?

We are not perfect ..remember that ..

The worst thing about Italians is they don’t realize they should be ashamed of being Italian.

July is almost here which means it’s time for another round of my Zoom workshop for aspiring sportswriters. Been incredible seeing many who have taken it in press boxes all over this year. Come learn what it takes to break in. Email bychriscotillo@gmail.com for info/pricing.

People who like Keefe are the same people who go into a taproom with a selection of 100 beers and order a Miller Lite.

Do you think Aidan Kearney would drink Karen Read’s toilet water? I do.

Last chance to be 1 of 5 picked to win $10000 cash if you throw a FB through a car window from 12-2 tomorrow at Albrecht Chrysler Jeep Dodge Ram in Westboro. Sign up at dealership.

Photograph your living room and post it in the comments.

The only thing Todd McShay should be providing any opinions on is appearing on ESPN drunk out of his mind.

People I know, places I go, make me feel tongue-tied.
And I can see how, people look down,
They’re on the inside.

Here’s where the story ends.

People I see, weary of me showing my good side.
And I can see how people look down,
I’m on the outside.

Here’s where the story ends.
Oh, here’s where the story ends.

It’s that little souvenir, of a terrible year, which makes my eyes feel sore.
Oh, I never should have said, the books that you read were all I loved you for.
It’s that little souvenir, of a terrible year, which makes me wonder why.
And it’s the memories of your shed, that make me turn red.
Surprise, surprise, surprise.

One thing I will never do is debate Boston sports on Twitter with a fan who roots for teams in four different states. Not to be a snob but we are not the same.

My estimate is that had face masks not been invented, major league baseball would now result in the deaths of an estimated 4.6 umpires per month.

Honk if you remember Earl Wilson’s no-hitter against the Angels on this day.

I’ve been a Taylor Swift fan for a long time and I’m so happy her and Travis Kelce are together. Travis is the first guy that truly feels madly in love with her and she deserves that. If they end up getting married, I’ll be very happy about that too.

All real Bruins fans use “Y’all” liberally on social media.

When there is more than just cheese it ceases to be a grilled cheese sandwich.

People regarded Jordan & Pippen as a Batman & Robin situation as opposed to a Superman & Batman partnership and that affected how every other basketball duo was viewed in the past 35 years… Jayson Tatum & Jaylen Brown are more like Iron Man & War Machine or Cable & Deadpool.

Dan Le Betard’s expanded universe of Hispanics must be stopped.

That fat Mets fan Frank is going to be a pallbearer at RA’s funeral, sponsored by DraftKings & Dude Wipes.

Scottie Scheffler has the slow beating heart of a criminal.

Grapefruit League Babe Ruth Bobby Dalbec with two home runs for the Woo Sox last night?

What’s Alan Jackson’s favorite client to fuck? The next one.

Happy trails to you, Linus Ullmark. I bet the Bussin’ Bussi likes hugs, too though. And fire engines.

The kids who say “Play ball” before an MLB game hold so much power. What happens if they refuse to say it? Do we just not play?

Julio Foolio was just turning his life around.

Chris Cotillo’s Zoom workshops have bigger audiences than some of these Stanley Cup appearances in south Florida.

Best bet for the weekend: The Swiss over Italy in the Euro.

Not Pictured: Perk.

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Bill James, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. I will be taking next week off. Something will run in this place. Enjoy the 4th.

BdlG, as good as the Larry O’Brien Trophy? Or maybe slightly better?
That’s not how it works. That’s not how any of this works.
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