The 15

Jarren Duran Is Not Bussin.

Did the Globe Pitchbot write Adam Vinatieri’s speech?

I have bad news for my NFL media friends ahead of the 2026 season. The NFLGSIS login process has changed significantly.

You wouldn’t know my bookie, he’s from Montevideo.

Jonathan Papelbon makes Jim Rice feel like one of the great orators of his generation.

Hunter Henry has been a great Patriot. Extremely underrated.

Everytime someone talks about BTS I think about beating the spread.

The amount of reinforcements the WooSox are going to get for their playoff push is kind of crazy.

Calling an Italian “two chains” instead of “cutlets” seems more problematic, not less.

Before anyone asks me why I said “bar” (for a boy) rather than “bat” (for a girl), girls can have their bat mitzvah at age 12 or 13, but boys can only be bar mitzvah’d at 13.

Was the Citgo sign holding the Sox back?!

Cakes are cooking for George Hamilton, Jennifer Warren, Sam Rosen, Mark Knopfler, Jim Beaver, Bryan Bassett, Pat Metheny, Bruce Greenwood, Lynette Woodard, Sir Mix A Lot [Anthony Ray], Peter Krause, Andrew Glover, Pete Sampras, Yvette Nicole Brown, Rebecca Gayheart, Grey DeLisle, Casey Affleck, Regan Upshaw, Dominique Swain, Maggie Lawson, Tyson Fury, Khris Middleton, Lakeith Stanfield, and Dixie D’Amelio.

(No cake for you, Antione Walker, and the same goes for Willie Horton and Richard Reid.)

Anyone ever on the South Coast wanting a good place to eat. Profile Tavern in Freetown always delivers.

Mirthful Mego-O, we call her.

There are definitely people who don’t know what words mean, but are there people who don’t know what words means…

I don’t deserve Tubi.

About to order my Caleb Durbin city connect. Hopefully it arrives with the dirt already on it.

Hey gang, this week’s Phrase that Pays is, “Why are you like this?”

Need a throwback football game where all the players have to wear giant pads.

Memo to people trying to mock a Boston accent: There is no R in Boston so, no, we don’t say “Bahston.”

Started this INSANE-O docu-series on HBO, “Monsters of God” about exotic reptile owners/sellers. Shit my pants twice before the credits even started.

If I were a billionaire with limitless resources I would hire someone from MIT to dump every pitch every pitcher in baseball has ever thrown into a multimodal LLM and train it to predict pitches for each pitcher in real time and then I’d have a first base coach wearing a device that signals the pitch that’s coming and communicate that to the batter somehow. But surely no one would EVER do that. I mean, I could do it with Codex for 200 bucks. But surely a person who has amassed unimaginable wealth would never do something like that.

Red Sox might be in trouble tonight because it looks like my mother is playing second base.

Green Line: August 8 – 16 No train service between North Station and Babcock St (B), Cleveland Circle (C), Kenmore (D), & Heath St (E). Use buses for service to Copley/Back Bay. Use Orange Line between Back Bay & North Station

“Keep you off the cover of USA Today” has real ‘you want to be in The Eye Column?’ energy.

Am I the only guy that doesn’t think of Jonah Hill as the fat guy from Superbad?
He’s the fat guy from Moneyball.

I don’t think telling an aspy retard how emotions work will do any good.

You check out guitar George, he knows all the chords
Mind, it’s strictly rhythm, he doesn’t want to make it cry or sing
They said an old guitar is all he can afford
When he gets up under the lights to play his thing.
And Harry doesn’t mind if he doesn’t make the scene;
He’s got a daytime job, he’s doing alright
He can play the honky-tonk like anything
Savin’ it up for Friday night
With the Sultans
We’re the Sultans of Swing.

Sorry, Uncle Jack, I don’t think the regional supermarket guy who’s in a blood feud with his sisters can hang with the gang from Symphony Tech.

Upon further review I actually think Adam Vinatieri’s Hall of Fame speech was a little weird.

Here’s a trick to eating white rice. Put hot sauce or buffalo sauce on it. Tastes delicious.

Honk if you remember Darryl Stingley.

If Gary Washburn was in the Yakuza, he’d have to cut off one of his fingers.

After that diving catch the other night I thought the Sox might IL Wong to kick the can down the road. Guess not.

News Item: Patriots release OT Caedan Wallace. Can’t believe an Optum focus group failed us like this.

Peyton Tolle has the exuberance of your 9-year-old cousin and the mustache of your 52-year-old uncle.

Don Nelson. Grear player, better coach. RIP.

Best bet for the weekend: Gillette Stadium gets new turf. Again.

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Matt Vautour, Joe Giza, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. We do the walk, do the walk of life.