The 15

How ‘bout them friggin’ Sox?!?

Karen Read has more shots before breakfast than Argentina did. Even after extra time!

Jayson Tatum dressed for the ESPY’s like a Puerto Rican who operates a mall kiosk.

If soccer is the sport of the future, then how come the FIFA World Cup didn’t have Dippin Dots, the ice cream of the future as a sponsor?

Never saw the Reading IMAX this jam-packed or with a line this long. So goddamn fired-up. THE ODYSSEY

Guys a couple rows behind me after sitting for 3.5 hours: “Dude, I feel like I was in that horse!”

Was Jaylen Brown pissing off the Red Sox too?

It’s amazing how much calories you can burn easily walking here.
Like, walking in Boston brings great joy but man it’s good to forget about how many steps you take in the process.

Gifted means autistic. Not “gave something as a gift”.

It is pretty funny that of all the shit Jarren Duran has done, being mean to a fat neckbeard should rank like 15th but it has people up in arms.

There may be a correlation between the ESPN employees no one feels bad that they got fired and them being unrepentant dickheads. Developing…

Cakes are cooking for George Clinton, Sparky Lyle, Danny Glover, Paul Schrader, Albert Brooks, Don Henley, S. E. Hinton, Alan Menken, Willem Defoe, Keith Sweat, Emily Saliers, Joanna Going, David Spade, Don Van Natta, Jr., John Leguizamo, Will Calhoun, Patrick Labyorteaux, Shawn Michaels, Tim Brown, Pat Badger, Rhys Ifans, Keyshawn Johnson, Mike Sweeney, Rufus Wainwright, Franka Potente, A. J. Cook, Ezekiel Elliott, Jonathan Owens, Field Cate, and Federico Valverde.

Hearing Lou Merloni so happy kinda sucks.

I will say, pretty rare to see a fat sack of shit grifting better than the broads. Have to give Babz credit.

Why is this Laura Rutledge’s problem?

That Wally head should start a podcast with Kendra, it’s had so many Red Sox players in over the weekend!

Barstool is just a jobs program for fat retards.

Of course, I meant to proclaim Gordie Howe, not Gordie Hall. Blame auto-correct.

Orange Line: Delays of about 15 minutes due to a signal problem at Community College.

Everyone at Odysseus’ house was basically like when Kramer was always posting up in Jerry’s apartment.

Karl Ravech is good, just not necessary.

Hey gang of unfinished products, this week’s Phrase that Pays is, “His journey is inspiring and vague.”

Upton was using the Wonderlic Test before Tom Landry got credit for being the first team to use the Wonderlic, Kevin.

Is getting pantsed worse than getting stuffed in a locker? I’ll hang up and listen to your answer.

Gel Infused Memory Foam!

Luke Skywalker recovered faster from his hand injury than Roman Anthony has.

Permanent Daylight Saving Time? Well, at least Shiri Spear will be unaffected. She always has her headlights on.

Driveline is basically, “I’d simply just throw and swing harder” in a pay for access form.

Unstoppable Red Sox should play the winner of Spain/ Argentina next .. so Spain.

Nobody on the road
Nobody on the beach
I feel it in the air
The summer’s out of reach
Empty lake, empty streets
The sun goes down alone
I’m driving by your house
Though I know you’re not home

But I can see you-
Your brown skin shinin’ in the sun
You got your hair combed back and your sunglasses on, baby
And I can tell you my love for you will still be strong
After the boys of summer have gone.

Manny walks into the ER with another cat in his ass and greeted like Norm walking into Cheers.

I always thought Under the Bridge by the RHCP’s was about Hartford.

Orsillo is a massive lush, like even bigger than Roman Anthony.

News Item: The I-290 bridge at the bottom of College Hill in Worcester has officially been named “Bob Cousy Pass.”

A: Dr. Teeth was in rehab and thus couldn’t be there.

Mintzy looks like a Galapagos island tortoise, but less majestic.

Honk if you remember Woodstock ’99.

The chances are quite high the in-sports employee of Real Salt Lake that committed the terrible sin of not naming JJ Watt’s wife Kealia Ohai Watt in a tweet was a broad.

These Slovenian refs have always protected Spain.

I used to make my mom rent the Morgan Magic VHS at the grocery store every couple of weeks. I sound like an 80-year-old fruit.

My friend once won tickets to an Ernie and the Automatics concert at a raffle. He didn’t go.

Did Claude Lemieux’s old lady get two minutes for instigating?

Royals RF Jac Caglianone has me thinking two sports media nepo hires were somehow combined.

As the saying goes, just when you think you have enough Swedish electricians in July, you don’t have enough.

Tommy, babe, knock it off. In wrestling years, you’re dead.

Shakira didn’t even have to be asked to participate in that halftime thingie. She just showed up.

best bet for the weekend: the annual Running of the Jorts at Gillette Stadium.

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. All she wants to do is dance.