The 15

Maybe the reason the Red Sox have been so bad that last few years is because Alex Cora loves his wife and family too much to cheat.

Mut breaking news about guys losing their shitty radio gigs is too much irony to handle.

Why do you hate barely comprehensible tie-in marketing campaigns?

Firing Alex Cora and his staff hours after a 17-1 win didn’t telegraph that the move was planned before the weekend. At all.

Robert Kraft has never thought of addressing a problem in a non-billionaire way.

It’s ok to not be ok with a player who sucks.

Wel, the good news is that the Celtics can only lose one more home playoff game this round. That’s also the bad news.

Bostonians haven’t been fucked over by an Italian like this since Charles Ponzi.

Bad night saved from being worse night by Good Kid.

Cakes are cooking for Willie Nelson, Luis Aparicio, Klaus Voormann, Vini Poncia, Duane Allen, Richard Kline, Johnny Miller, Reb Brown, Rick Burleson, Nora Dunn, Jerry Seinfeld, Kate Mulgrew, Daniel Day-Lewis, Mark Kendall, Eve Plumb, Michelle Pfieffer, Roger Eno, Phil King, Mike Babcock, Master P, Browning Nagle, Carnie Wilson, Andre Agassi, China Forbes, Uma Thurman, Mike Hogan, Rafael Betancourt, God Shammgod, David Lee, and Justin Thomas.

Missing Day 3 of the draft is total performative bullshit to satiate the fishwives. There’s no real reason “counseling” has to happen this weekend. The Kraft’s get to position themselves as champions of family. Bill would never.

I’m sure Dianna’s colleagues in the media had no idea this was happening.

Red Line Reminder: Sat, May 2 – Mon, May 4 Shuttle buses replace service between Broadway & Quincy Center for signal work. Ashmont trains will operate from JFK/UMass. Commuter rail will be fare-free between South Station & Braintree.

So they’re not keeping Varitek on as “Special Assistant for Calling Four No-Hitters”, or whatever?

Hey gang of cutsies! This week’s Phrase that Pays is, “Who gets sensi over warmies??”

Did WEEI err in canning Fitzy and Hart during such an exciting news week? (short pause) No.

Vrabes may be saved only by Kraft wanting to avoid the optics of a franchise in turmoil having their 4th head coach in as many years.

Remember when Simmons said fuck in an HBO commercial that one time? He was so proud of himself.

I’ll try to be polite. You are waaaay out of your league, and I suggest you cease embarrassing yourself in public by flouting your basketball ignorance.

Say, will Bendetson receive a retroactive Pulitzer Prize? Ryder could hand deliver it.

Sh!t Unfunny Fired WEEI Guys Say:
‘What do you mean Sarge has my old job at Gillette Stadium?’
‘Do you think there are any ‘Teddy Twenties’ left anywhere?’
‘No, they didn’t forget to add the Providence numbers to the overall ratings.’

Imagine the size of the blue pin that Vrabel is gonna have to wear next year. Fucking thing’s gonna be bigger than a frisbee.

Ted and the Retreads? That should be the show title.

Really impressive that Henry could seize the Mr. Burns energy so decisively from Jacobs.

Well what was Vrabes supposed to do when Dianna showed up and started rubbing her big fakies up against him? Say no? And possibly hurt her feelings?!

Kelly Oubre ever figure out who hit him in the crosswalk?

I mean this with the straightest face I can say it with, but it feels like the days of the “NFL insider” are dying. Major W for local reporters.

Nick Nurse trying too hard to be Drew Carey.

Hopefully they’re counseling Vrabel on how to find hotter chicks.

You can do a lot worse for lunch than Roma tomatoes, cucumbers, avocado and a vinaigrette of your choice.

Crazy
I’m crazy for feelin’ so lonely
I’m crazy
Crazy for feelin’ so blue
I knew
You’d love me as long as you wanted
And then someday
You’d leave me for somebody new
Worry
Why do I let myself worry
Wonderin’
What in the world did i do
I’m crazy
For thinkin’ that my love would hold you
I’m crazy for tryin’, and crazy for cryin’
And I’m crazy for lovin’ you.

Imagine the most stressful part of your day was the dream you had the night before?

The other station’s afternoon drive actively roots against the local teams and trolls their audience, yet WEEI still can’t manage to put a replacement level show against it to compete with. The incompetence is impressive.

Christina Erne’s huge dress distracted me from her lies about the lack of rain this spring.

Honk if you remember Roger Clemens striking out 20 Seattle Mariners on this day in 1986.

Broads don’t want solutions, they want sympathy.

Millennial basketball “experts” need to know some good basketball was played in the 20th century.

Aloha means ‘goodbye’. Aloha, Chris Simms.

Russini loses her job while Peter Schrager proudly wears knee pads over his dress sackss to orally service any member of the McVay coaching tree.

If the Red Sox win the World Series does Alex Cora get a ring?

NBA ROY Cooper Flagg.

That Spotify playlist could have used some Muskmelon.

The sports news from the last two weeks made me sad all over again that we lost Larry Johnson. Think of the incomprehensible cartoons!

Best bet for the weekend: No game seven in the Playoffs, but a forced game seven in the Playoff.

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Joe Giza, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. Mammas, don’t let your babies grow up to be cowboys.