The 15

Phew. Recovered from a massive DDOS attack.

So apparently the way to make Zolak finally shut the hell up is to make him the PBP guy.

My dad used to bring me to golf tournaments all the time when I was young. I’d chase conversations and autographs from players after practice rounds. Chi Chi Rodriguez was always among the nicest. I’ll always appreciate his role in those memories as I grew to love the game.

Would love it if Peacock/NBC created a 10- or 12-hour (even longer if necessary) rental or purchase of these past two weeks. Would love the opportunity to rewatch most of it on a cold New England winter night. Almost like a 8-part series even. Any format would be great. A best-of-the-Summer-Olympics movie to watch on a winter night.

Whoever first told Thornton he was funny has a lot to answer for.

Burger King’s croissan’wich is more French than France’s Men’s National Basketball Team.

The Aussies fair dinkum sent a kookaburra to an emu fight, mates!

Aloha means goodbye. Aloha, Juju Smith Schuster.

Oh good. The Jimmy Fund cross promotion. Now the Sox game is going to be dominated by dying kids and Dave O’Brien trying to fake empathy. “Hey, how bad was it to hear you had cancer as a teenager? And you said you had 4 different rounds of chemo before you were 12. I’ll bet that was rough.”

Cakes are cooking for Steve Martin, Susan Saint James, Terry Adams, Bob Backlund, Gary Larson, Debbie Meyer, Rusry Wallace, Jackée Harry, Magic Johnson, Frank Brickowski, Marcia Gay Harden, Mark Gubicza, Catherine Bell, Mark Loretta, Wayne Chrebet, Ana Matronic, Mike Vrabel, Juan Pierre, Mila Kunis, Tim Tebow, and Thorsten Margis.

Not happy the way that NASCAR race ended. Real amateur hour stuff.

Red Line Reminder: August 19-25 Shuttle Buses replace service between Kendall and JFK/UMass due to track work. Buses will not directly service Park Street or Downtown Crossing.

Hi @99Restaurants why do you advertise prime rib but then state it as being choice prime rib? It’s either one or the other.

Haliburton is gonna average 70 a game against Golden State next year.

Which is a better animal story—Kristi Noem’s dead dog or RFK Jr’s dead bear?

“North Star” is the new trendy business buzzword for people who talk but don’t actually do anything. I’ve been seeing it used a bunch, so it totally makes sense these dipshits in Foxboro followed along with it.

I ordered up a Mykhailiuk jersey the other day. Fuck.

Twain said that a cat who sits on a hot stove lid will never sit on a hot stove lid again–or a cold one, either. I imagine that quote doesn’t register with anybody under 60, because nobody uses wood stoves with little round lids you took off to put in another stick of firewood. In my childhood that was how we heated the house. But anyway, I always think that Alex Cora is more afraid of cold stove lids than. . .than he ought to be.

Not sure if it’s because they know bread or because Italy is down the street but pizza in France is sneaky good.

You gotta wait at least a month after a gay guy’s death to call someone a fag. Everybody know this.

My favorite Gabby Starr moment was when she tweeted about the Negro Leagues with a photo of her getting a tan. She deleted it soon after.

Can the whites claim Curry? It’s close. How many Blacks go by ‘Steph’ anyway?

Me And The Boys
Just a bunch of guys gettin’ in the car don’t matter who’s drivin’ or for how far
Feels so good feels so alive
No backseat driver tellin’ us how to drive.
Me and the Boys
Just me and the Boys
Me and the Boys
Me and the Boys.

Hey gang of secret m-fanz, this week’s Phrase that Pays is, “Pink Rob really is MAD at goony Jim, for chrissakes!”

How many sacks did Karen Guregian get in the media game?

Honk if you remember Mark Fidrych.

Embiid looks like he’s made up of broken parts.

Everybody in the Red Sox bullpen looks like they’re in the Aryan brothers gang in ‘Mayor of Kingstown.’

Zolak’s sports coat buttons are gonna knock someone’s eye out.

Every pic I see of Jerod Mayo, his head looks like it was poorly photoshopped onto his body.

Gabz is at the beach more than Joe Biden.

Jarren needs to work on his insult game. Is there a Zoom class for that?

Don’t lie and say you don’t envy all those gleeful Olympians at the Closing Ceremony. I sure do.

Evan Lazar is such a goddamn slob. Can we start a GoFundMe to get him an iron?

$15 for a pineapple? Glad I brought my own.

What do you say to someone taking a shit right next to you in public? You can’t chastise him because if he’s crazy enough to shit in public he’s crazy enough to wipe his shit on you.

Meteor showers and aurora borealis and me sleeping through the whole thing.

Best bet for the weekend: No handball matches on the TV.

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Bill James, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. RC Cola and a Moon Pie.