March Sadness Wild Card Play-In Monday Previews

Posted on March 11, 2024 by TheIntern15 Leave a comment

Sent to us from Patrick in Andover del Norte:

Welcome to Wildcard Monday!

I was hoping we could get Lucy Burdge to make these picks whilst sashaying through a parking garage, but apparently the budget was blown on AI Trump. Alas, there’s nothing left to splash out on Lucy and her Flex Seal pants. To the match-ups…

Region C: Steve Buckley vs Shukri Wright(s) Steve Buckley? Now, that’s a name I’ve not heard in a long time You may remember him from his many stints on WEEI in the late 90s or for his often-recycled columns in the Herald. Now apparently he works as the caretaker for the estate of Donnie Beardsley. Buck is up against a relative newcomer to the Boston sports scene, Shukri Wrights (it maybe Wright, nobody is sure – especially Shukri). Shukri, a NYC native who moved to Boston in 2017, is a lifelong diehard Boston sports fan, that is if you believe life starts at 30. Shukri’s greatest success has come by cosplaying a Bruins fan, which he has been able to parlay into many non-paying jobs at numerous faux media outlets. Does Shukri have what it takes to advance to the round of 64? Do you Bleav in miracles? Buck vs Shuk, should be an old fashioned Pierre Nightmare!

Region V: Dan Greenberg vs Henry McKenna For all the pants pissing he does during each and every Celtics game, Dan’s Twitter handle should be changed to SoilieYellowStain. I guess Dan just cares more, and he’s not afraid to show it! Performative fanning at its finest. Henry McKenna is a milquetoast nobody. Went from http://Boston.com to Fox Sports where he now covers the AFC East and not just the Patriots. He grew a mustache to cover up the fact that he has no upper lip. Punch Greenberg’s ticket to the big dance.

Region N: John Karalis vs Gethin Coolbaugh There was a real danger of the Boston Sports Journal being over-represented in the tournament given their extremely low subscriber to “people who give a shit” ratio. So it’s glad to see that these two bald losers have to battle it out for inclusion. Karalis, he of the scrubbed Twitter timeline, has been barely hanging on to the periphery of the Boston sports scene for years. Still pretending to cover the Celtics, and still no one noticing. Coolbaugh is a complete unknown. Nobody heard of him before Bedard hired him, and nobody has heard of him since Bedard hired him. His Twitter profile picture is himself next to a giant oversized prop microphone, insinuating that he is on the radio. It’s most likely a Rupert Pupkin situation, with Gethin “broadcasting” from his mother’s basement to her weekly bridge group. Based on reviewing their Twitter interactions, Karalis should win this by a total vote count of 1 to 0.

Gethin will shave his facial hair into a ‘G’ if he wins today.

Region T: Courtney Cox vs Cerrone Battle How often do you think Courtney Cox is greeted by disappointed faces when they find out she’s not THE Courtney Cox? 99% or is it actually 100%? I’m told that she’s part of Greg Hill’s Morning Zoo on WEEI, and to be honest I’ve never heard her. All I know if that she is not THE Courtney Cox, and for that I am disappointed. Ten years ago Cerrone Battle’s Twitter timeline was awash with Tweets rightfully calling out Felger and Mazz for their borderline racist comments. After Mazz crossed the border last year, the 98.5 higher ups were desperately scrambling to find “a couple of guys like that” to provide cover for their hosts more colorful comments. Welcome to the 98.5 family Cerrone, just stay away from Felger’s car. Is Cerrone Battle a sellout? Will he advance? That’s for you the voting public to decide.