02/02/22 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

Thank you for your time with the team, Tom.

Stevie Breyer, now Tommy Brady. Retirement announcements: ruined.

Do NHL players ever get Middle Body Injuries?

When do pitchers and catchers report to training camp only to find themselves locked out?

Now watch Patrick Mahomes get married in the offseason and lose his parking spot for minicamp.

I just hope the new OC is committed to building the offense around N’Keal Harry.

Happy National Girls and Women “in Sports” Day!

I think the Omicron Strain has had enough fun infecting the Bruins, thank you very much.

The problem with giving Tom Brady a one-day contract is that he’s gonna hog all the reps from Mac.

Cakes are cooking for Christie Brinkley, Dexter Manley, Robert DeLeo, Jody Hull, Shakira, and Carolina Klüft.

I suppose if you didn’t get the extra cooch muscle, having an amazing football mind is an acceptable consolation prize.

So long, Umlaut.

Per source, Washington Football Team has chosen “Commanders” as the new team name. Mascot TBA.

Whenever I am going to leave my dog alone for a couple of hours, I always give him a bone, which he always refuses to accept as a way of saying “NO, I do NOT agree to this.” But as soon as I leave the room he starts prancing around like “I’ve got a bo-one; I’ve got a bo-one.”

The #Broncos are for sale. Look for the price to start with a 4.

Switching the camera from a closeup of Sam Ponder to one of Chris Mortensen is so jarring that it should be illegal.

Cheap Kraft sat Bill on his lap and demanded Bill spend all his money. Okay.

Friday was the 36th anniversary of the Challenger tragedy. Peter King has visited the McAuliffe-Shepard Discovery Center in Concord and says “the place is a blast”.

Cooper Kupp is the worst thing to happen to black corners since stop and frisk! What?

What kind of asshole doesn’t know Helen Mirren won the Outstanding Performance by a Female Actor in a Supporting Role for Gosford Park at the 8th Annual SAG Awards?

Homemade soup and fresh bread? Sign me up!

News Item: The New York Times announced Monday that it acquired Wordle for an amount in the “low seven figures. Wingo remains a free agent.

Knock-Knock. ‘Who’s there?’ Nick Gelso. ‘Nick Gelso who?’ EXACTLY.

Pasta piling up points.

Another hot sales girl today. Can you put your legs behind your head? Leave the boots on.

Same day tickets will be available at face value next season in Tampa Bay.

That Jackass Movie didn’t come out like six months ago?

Is there a Chico or Zeppo Belichick who can nepotist their way to the Offensive Coordinator position?

Hey Gang! Thanks for the visit! Have a Werther’s! This week’s Phrase that Pays is “How to make ‘legally’ make clam chowder and don’t frighten the pigeons.”

You got emotionally manipulated into watching the entire series run of This Is Us! You did! You did!

Update: Middleborough/Lakeville Line Train 007 (8:50 am from South Station) is now operating 40-50 minutes behind schedule between Holbrook/Randolph and Middleborough due to a late swap of equipment.

I’m just saying, if you’re going to pick a month not to drink alcohol, why not the shortest one?

Amazing memories seeing the Bosstones over the past 30 years!! One of the most important bands of my life. You were always there for me. going to miss you!! Much love.

Andy Reid is the only Head Coach to lose Conference title games by poor clock management in both the NFC and the AFC.

There’s a Vinatieri back in New England. Welcome to UMass, A.J.

Why not a two-day contract? I’m just asking the question!

Honk if you remember the 1934 Springfield American Legion Post 21 baseball squad.

Time is undefeated, but so is the yappa yappa yappa.

That Dunks closed early during the blizzard because they hate Willie O’Ree!

Can you wager on the Beanpot in New Hampshire? Unbuckle your stupid Puritan hats and in the name of the Sacred Cod, legalize sports betting, 187th Great and General Court of the Commonwealth!

Kraft is too cheap to pay Brady for one day.

“You’re so wound up” he said with his 124th tweet of the day, knotting himself into a pretzel while vigorously fisting himself.

Paneling still looks fantastic.

There I was at the immigration scene
Shining and feeling clean, could it be a sin?
I got stopped by the immigration man
He said he doesn’t know if he can let me in
Let me in, immigration man
Can I cross your line and pray?
I can stay another day, won’t you let me in, immigration man?
I won’t toe your line today, I can’t see it anyway.

If Mahomes likes running sideline to sideline to sideline for no gain, why did he put so little effort into the ‘typical sneakerhead’ State Farm ad?

The Washington “Be Blanders.” Boom, Roasted.

Don’t touch Jimmy!!

Pro tip: they’re all the Bill Atherton character in Die Hard.

You know who was very good about writing thank you’s? Margaret Mitchell.

Groundhog says six more weeks of the baseball lockout. Sorrey!

I bet Tom got conked in the head by a falling cold-stunned iguana and that’s why he accidentally left the New England page out of his IG story.

Is this real?

Some of my best friends are Brians!

Best bet for the weekend: Mac. Owning at the Professional Bowl.

Springfield’s Own Garry Brown 1931 – 2022. One of the greats. He will be missed.

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Bill James, BSMW poster TommyFW, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. When you see the Southern Cross for the first time, you understand now why you came this way.

Bridget would have let Tom play one more season. Just sayin’.

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