Tag Archives: sports-junk-drawer

04/01/26 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

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It’s still Spring Training for the NESN Graphics Department.

There’s nothing wrong with our Sox that can’t be fixed by a few games at America’s Most Beloved Ballpark.

Ah. That’s how Tiger’s hitting ’em.

Mut pretending that reaction video was live is hilarious. Have you ever yelled “Trap, Trap!” at a TV screen?

I like NESN’s new score bug.

Duke fans watching the final seconds of that game must have felt a level of horror usually reserved for a manned spaceflight disaster.

If you think about it, every night should be Women In Sports Night.

Can you really get fired from a job when you worked three hours a week?

The creator of Severance definitely got the idea after listening to his wife recap her workday for two hours a night.

Will Italy take part in the Soccer NIT?

Cakes are cooking for Ali MacGraw, Robin Scott, Simon Crow, Billy Currie, Annette O’Toole, Barry Sonnenfeld, Mark White, Scott Stevens, Jumbo Elliott, Mark Jackson, Mike McCoy, Richard Christy, Magdalena Maleeva, David Gilliland, Jon Gosselin, Tangela Smith, Jean-Pierre Dumont, Bijou Phillips, Randy Orton, Hillary Scott, Mackenzie Davis, Brook Lopez, Logan Paul, and Álex Palou.

WTF happened to Lenny Dinardo? Vernon used to think he was dreamy, now he looks like an evil head of security for a nefarious corporation on a TV show.

Is there a media outlet that Andrew Raycroft doesn’t work for?

Colonoscopy went great. No polyps and don’t have to get another one for 10 years.

Just know people are staring at my weird-ass tan line at the gym right now.

Hey gang, this week’s Phrase that Pays is, “He’s without shame or competence.”

Ullmark with five goals against in the first after being mentally “unavailable” in the last game, but Sweeney got robbed getting Letourneau, Kastelic and Korpisalo with salary retained.

Every Grant Hill comment sounds like a generic sound bite in a video game.

Cassidy out, Torts in? Weird.

Blue Line: Delays of about 10 minutes due to an earlier signal problem at State.

Kid pulled up from the Lincoln Memorial. What a friggin’ shot!

Congratulations to Chris Boomer Berman on being named to the Disney Legends. I first met him watching Red Sox Batting Practice back in the late 80’s.

NBC does sports broadcasting the best and it isn’t even close.

Project Hail Mary renewed my faith in movies. And not just because Gosling’s character is Ryland Grace and his ship is Hail Mary. So it’s literally “Hail Mary, full of Grace.”

Why are there people clamoring to hear a Jared Carrabis podcast?

It’s not in the words that you told me, girl
It’s not in the way you say you’re mine
It’s not in the way that you came back to me
It’s not in the way that your love set me free
It’s not in the way you look or the things that you say that you do

Hold the line
Love isn’t always on time, whoa-whoa-whoa
Hold the line
Love isn’t always on time, whoa-whoa-whoa.

Is Perdue basketball legally obligated to have an ogre on their team every year?

UConn hero Braylon Mullins looks like someone who lied about being older than they are just so they could serve their country in World War I.

A: Dental dams.

TreVeyon could spend less time interpreting the Bible and more time watching defensive formations on film. Just sayin’.

Our Lady Peace still got it.

Tiger would have been fine if those stupid truck people hadn’t “slowed down” to “turn into a driveway,” Who does that!?

Honk if you remember The Great Blue Hill Volcano.

Just wait until someone reads the news to Ted Johnson!

Dual Cams. Nice for engines, less so for Twitter.

Is there a bin of discarded outfits from Dirty Water TV that Lucy changes into for Boston Has Entered the Chat?

Skenes got roughed up on Opening Day? Women weaken legs.

The Rooney Rule is really more of a Rooney Suggestion.

Triston Casas shut down? That never happens.

Best bet for the weekend: a humdinger of a game between Michigan and Arizona.

Aloha means ‘goodbye.’ Aloha, Dan Lifshatz.

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Joe Giza, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. F-f-f-foolin’.

Some days Bianca just wants to feel sparkly.

03/25/26 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

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Still time to pick up a thoughtful Opening Day Eve greeting card.

Does NESN really need to have a 40-man roster?

Schools should teach people how to hit a baseball like Shohei Ohtani. And pitch a baseball like Shohei Ohtani.

Imagine being snubbed by “Sarge?”

Losing at cornhole to an armless guy must be humiliating.

A post about former #Patriots running back BenJarvus Green-Ellis popped up on my timeline. It looked familiar because I posted it 6 months ago. Stealing posts and taking credit for other people’s work/research stinks. Be original or give credit. Simple.

James Hagens Watch < Butch Coolidge’s Watch.

If I didn’t want to be recognized I’d probably not dress myself up like a Lewis Carroll-themed episode of RuPaul’s Drag Race.

Musicals in the right creative hands are good movies.

News Item: New food items to be sold at Fenway Park this season. I should hope so: the stuff left over from 2025 must have spoiled by now, or else have freezer burn.

Cakes are coking for Paul Michael Glaser, Bonnie Bedelia, Elton John, Jean Potvin, Robert O’Reilly, Maisie Williams, Mary Gross, John McDermott, Lee Mazzilli, Hugo Burnham, Haywood Nelson, Mark Brooks, Marcia Cross, Alex Solis, Sarah Jessica Parker, Tom Glavine, Cathy Dennis, Dan Wilson, Travis Fryman, Magnus Larssen, Cammi Granato, Sheryl Swoopes, Lark Voorhies, Wladimir Klitschko, Nathanael Bargatze, Joe King, Katharine McPhee, Kyle Lowry,  Alyson Michalka, Mikey Madison, and Sha’Carri Richardson.

There is also some leftover cake in a Herb Chambers dealership breakroom, if you want something not from a vending machine.

Holy fargin’ leg, Vasy!!!!

I love when the Boston Radio Watch guy tells me who was topping the charts 37 years ago. It’s like he’s reading my mind!

Hey gang of allegedly sapphic sisters, this week’s Phrase that Pays is, “They never considered me.”

The Saturday night “oohs” and “aahs” in Montreal just hit different. @hockeynight

Hey guys, it’s flag football. Settle down.

No Beanpot teams in the NCAA Hockey Tournament this year, that hasn’t happened since 1981.

Just wait until someone reads the news to Ted Johnson!

I can’t imagine being a born rich white girl and needing so badly to feel oppressed that I pretend to be half-gay.

UConn fans rooting for St. John’s are the worst.

Stoughton MBTA Commuter Rail Passengers: Train 972 (the 7:18 PM train from Stoughton to South Station) will operate via the Fairmount Line making all stops between Fairmount and South Station.

No man’s a jester playing Shakespeare
‘Round your throne room floor.
While the juggler’s act is danced upon
The crown that you once wore.

And sooner or later
Everybody’s kingdom must end.
And I’m so afraid your courtiers
Cannot be called best friends.

Caesar’s had your troubles
Widows had to cry.
While mercenaries in cloisters sing
And the king must die.

Stop the presses! I just saw Michigan’s Aday Mara attempt an (awkward) old- fashioned hook shot! And then Mara amazingly guided in a backward alley-oop finish!

Shaddup, you fake loser account with your idiotic bullshit takes. Beat it, bitch.

I don’t know who needs to hear this, but it’s good practice to keep your cream out of the refrigerator during coffee drinking hours; they don’t call it “table cream” for nothin’.

Jim Rice talks like an anthropomorphic cat from a lesser known ‘70s Disney movie.

Honk if you remember Tom Dempsey.

People have strong feelings about the black jelly beans.

The Red Sox, they could surprise you!

“Rooster”, the new Steve Carell show on HBO, is pretty good so far. Has a sitcom vibe to it.

A: miniature rubber ducks.

To be fair I wouldn’t want to do my taxes either if i only got paid with several dozen 1099s because I didn’t have any real jobs.

Is James Hagens’ hockey nickname Hagesy or Haigy?

If Voltaire had been a basketball fan, I’m sure he would have said, “Si Victor Wembanyama n’existait pas, il faudrait l’inventer.”

I don’t hate Rick Pitino. Sorry, comrade.

What do you call a professional cornhole player with no arms and legs in the ocean?
Bob!

Overpay for a Kelce more. You can’t!

Best bet for the weekend: the college basketball women’s favorites covering the spread.

A definite paucity of Fribbles to be found in South Dakota. Unfortunately.

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Joe Giza, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. Natural’s not in it.

And happy birthday to IndyCar race winner Danica Patrick.

03/18/26 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

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Venezuela needed a W.

Hockey jerseys no contain magic?

I love how Jim Nantz every year has to go from March Madness to The Masters two days later.

The Red Sox players performing well in the WBC is a positive sign for the season to come, right?

Upton Bell’s Father Bert Bell who founded the Philadelphia Eagles wanted Green from the very beginning.

Would totally watch a “Swingers”-style comedy starring Andy Wong, JStew, Sarge, and that other charmless slob.

Alex Caruso would be a beloved Celtic. I really believe that.

I’ve deleted a post incorrectly identifying who was suspended today. It was Johan Rojas of the Philadelphia Phillies who was suspended.

News Item: Bryce Huff announced that he is starting a company called Neighborstone, which will build safety infrastructure to help with fire risk on lithium-ion batteries.

I guess I’ll root for whichever team from a Massachusetts college or university made it into the Tournament.

Cakes are cooking for Carl Gottlieb, Drew Struzan, Brad Dourif, Rick Martel, Irene Cara, Luc Besson, James McMurtry, Bonnie Blair, Jerry Cantrell, Queen Latifah, Adam Levine, Chad Cordero, Lily Collins, and J.T. Realmuto.

Good to have an old-school Twitter night on tap (hopefully). #Oscars

I’m so damn proud of our gold medal winning sled hockey team. I hope someday to learn what their names are.

Åberg? Å no!

Meal prep, bro. Nothing like planning to essentially eat leftovers every day.

Sorry if I missed your tags today. I’m a little laid up w my back.

AI coach already telling me to tone down my weightlifting 10 days out from 20-mile race. This is the robot trying to weaken the man in order to take over the world. Cannot be fooled.

The winner of the WBC should face the winner of the NBA Cup.

Food cleanse includes booze? WTF.

I’m pretty sure there were entire months where the Revs didn’t score 6 total goals. Good job.

I don’t know who needs to hear this, but it’s good practice to keep your cream out of the refrigerator during coffee drinking hours; they don’t call it “table cream” for nothin’.

Hey gang, this week’s Phrase that Pays is, “Playing in the NFL is pretty cool, but ya know what’s *really* cool? Preventing lithium battery fires.”

I watched “Fukushima: A Nuclear Nightmare” last night on HBO and I can’t remember the last time a documentary brought me to tears that much.

Blue Line: Delays of about 10 minutes while a maintenance train inspects the overhead wires between Airport and Wonderland. Trains may stand by at stations.

The black dog and the wandering boy
Come around every night.
The wandering boy never gets any older
The black dog doesn’t bite.
He just sits on the floor at the corner of the bed
Watching for the things that haunt.
They oughta both go away when I take my meds:
But they don’t.

Hey, somebody lie to me
Hey, somebody lie to me.

There is no greater Lenten sacrifice than choosing a hot buttered lobster roll as your meatless Friday meal.

My lawyer laughed at “dipshit”.

Just so everyone knows: true NCAA tournament “upsets” begin at 4-13. And don’t even think about 9 over 8.

Honk if you remember the Gardner Museum heist.

Do you guys ever think about how epic Anya Taylor-Joy’s peripheral vision must be?

“Dubai Chocolate” is the weirdest psyop I’ve ever encountered.

You can tell I’m a weather enthusiast because I measure rainfall to the hundredth of an inch.

That wasn’t quite the St. Crispin’s Day speech, Aaron.

The clump of confiscated gallon containers of booze is a welcome addition to St. Patrick’s Day Parade B-roll footage.

Welcome Boston Legacy FC.

Maybe should have boiled the corned beef for another hour.

I wonder if any former Patriots player and a current Celtics player were ever guests on the Tonight Show before. Probably not.

Can’t put all your hopes into a Zacha hat trick every game.

Best bet for the weekend: Flag Football, what else?

It’s nice not having to defend Tom anymore when he’s like this.

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Joe Giza, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. Let’s dance.

And happy birthday to producer/actress/singer/model and Miss America 1984 (resigned, for reasons) Vanessa Williams.

03/04/26 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

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Braiden Ward-Mikey Romero- Kristian Campbell-Mickey Gasper.

Swayman apologized, can we get his daily account back please?

If there’s one consistent through line of fan behavior I’ve observed over the course of attending hundreds of games, it’s that women seem to think the request to remove your caps for the anthem doesn’t apply to them. Very strange.

Bro, sorry if I somehow unfollowed. I would never. I don’t trust this place.

The funniest thing about being a southern transplant in New England is guessing whether something labeled “spicy” on a menu is white people spicy or actually spicy.

Anytime you can bring in a headcase receivah, you gotta do it!

Does anyone else get slightly confused when the Globe Pitchbot pitch isn’t written by Felger and Mazz?

Some important news: New New Scrubs is a 10 out of 10.

Rob Bradford has such a wet voice. When he says Kutter Crawford, I almost feel the spittle on me.

It must be difficult being bisexual when you’re always on vacation.

Cakes are cooking for Adrian Lyne, James Ellroy, Emilio Estefan, Mykelti Williamson, Rick Mast, Patricia Heaton, John Mugabe, Ray Mancini, Steven Weber, Jason Newsted, Khaled Hosseini, Paul W. S. Anderson, Dav Pilkey, Kevin Johnson, Evan Dando, Patsy Kensit, Chaz Bono, Jos Verstappen, Robert Smith, Hawksley Workman, Jason Marsalis, Landon Donovan, Draymond Green, Nick Castellanos, Obi Toppin, and Brooklyn Beckham.

Rewatch both Gold Medal games in full with my 4th of July Playlist playing? Don’t mind if I do.

It’s always a great sign when middle aged broads smile and don’t show their teeth.

Hedy gang, this week’s Phrase that Pays is, “I’m sorry Aerin Frankel – autocorrect is the worst.”

Neil Sedaka’s got some jams. RIP.

I like when people say “Now I wish Canada won.” Oh yeah, rich white guys from Ontario are totally different from rich white guys from Minnesota!

Quarter zip fleece? Not my scene. I prefer the 3/8th zip.

Orange Line: Through March 8. Shuttle buses are replacing service between Back Bay and Forest Hills for signal work. Commuter Rail is fare-free between Forest Hills and South Station.

Imagine telling a chick you’re taking her to “Cream City” and then ending up in Milwaukee.

I know a place where I can go when I’m alone
Into your arms, whoa, into your arms I can go
I know a place that’s safe and warm from the crowd
Into your arms, whoa, into your arms I can go.

And if I should fall
I know, I won’t be alone
Be alone anymore.

I’m with Hurley on this one. Sumo oranges are the best. So I guess those three weeks on the Rich Shertenlieb Show weren’t entirely, fruitless?

Puerto Ricans fucking love ‘the wave.’

Steroid abuse is known to damage ligaments and tendons.

The Patriots literally didn’t think Alec Pierce could be available.

We have a Scaz AND a Stiz!?

Oh, like the Celtics never had a ‘The Naked I Night’, back during Princess Cheyenne’s heyday.

Khusnutdinov. He’s like a mini-Marchand.

Every woman thinks she’s a badass until it’s time to turn on the AC at Christian Barmore’s house.

Honk if you remember Comet Hale-Bopp.

The entertainment industry having awards shows every other week; what do they think they are, sportswriters?

I might pass on canoeing the Saco next year.

Steve Kerr declared POTS is a fake disease again. These hockey broads are having a terrible week.

I just need Hugo to say, “basketball is life.”

Pajamas at the airport? No. I wear an off the rack suit from Kohl’s when I fly. People think I’m an Air Marshal.

Seems like the deficiencies in the Patriots NFLPA report card could be easily fixed by throwing money at the problems. Oh. Right.

Ah, the famously complex flavors of Duval County, Florida.

Alex Guerrero being Brady’s snitch on the Raiders is glorious. There’s only man who can fix this: Jack Easterby.

Best bet for the weekend: World Baseball Classic Fever Grips Hub.

Nothing rhymes with orange.

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Joe Giza, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. God’s Great banana skin. Gonna get ya.

Bianca has us ready to spring forward.

02/11/26 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

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After the flyover, the situation deteriorated.

A Super Bowl loss that doesn’t involve Mike Ditka, Buddy Ryan, Fridge Perry, the Foxboro Stadium WATS line, good ole Brett Favre, Desmond Howard, any and all New York Football Giants, or Beta testing legal formation, possession and scoring rules? I’m okay with that.

Lindsey Vonn thinks Will Campbell shouldn’t have been out there if he was less than 100%.

Scal found Cooper Flagg in an abandoned potato field in Aroostook County.

How far along has cloning technology come and if far enough can Dante Scarnecchia donate some DNA?

If Drake Maye and New England’s offense looked like that all season, maybe Sam Monson would have voted him MVP.

It’s the Olympics for Mediviac flight helicopter crews, too. Probably.

Tatum cleared to practice? How exciting!

Bad Bunny is the kindest, bravest, warmest, most wonderful human being I’ve ever known in my life.

Adam Vinatieri getting into Canton is well deserved. There: I said it.

So when pitchers and catchers report, is there a set location at the Spring Training facilities, or does it vary team-to-team?

Curling is just less greasy bocce.

Cakes are cooking for Tina Louise, Lynn Goldsmith, Vangelis Kordompoulis, Jeb Bush, David Uosikkinen, Richard Mastracchio, Becky LeBeau, Carey Lowell, Sheryl Crow, Ken Shamrock, Sarah Palin, Mo Willems, Jennifer Aniston, Damian Lewis, Alex Jones, Jaroslav Špaček, Andy Lally, Brice Beckham, Peter Hayes, Brandy Norwood, Matthew Lawrence, Natasha Bobo, Kelly Rowland, Natalie Dormer, Aubrey O’Day, Mike Richards, Beat Feuz, Laurent Duvernay-Tardif, Rosé, and Khaled.

Czechia is the Czech Republic’s snappy nickname, like calling Tom Caron ‘TC.’

Blue Line Update: Delays of about 30 minutes while personnel address a track problem at Suffolk Downs. Riders can use Rt SL3 bus for alternate service between Airport and South Station.

Never could understand the lack of personal hygiene among the Fourth Estate.

I just watched Ron Harper Jr thoroughly out play Kevin Durant. They might have to ban Brad Stevens, man.

Charlie Puth? what is that, Comanche Indian?

Kraft setting up a war room at Gillette to track antisemitism is hilarious. Meanwhile the team is forced to choke down powdered eggs in the cafeteria.

Hey gang of AP stringers! this week’s Phrase that Pays is, “Your new name is Irridium Shafafa.”

Bad Bunny’s Halftime performance? I loved it. it was much better than ‘Cats.’ I’m going to see it again and again.

Jamie Jaquez looks like an extra in Black Sails.

The irony of a guy named Walker winning Super Bowl MVP – because he’s good at running.

Boston College’s decade-long regional Beanpot drought nightmare is finally over.

If you’re a woman who’s never taken a self-defense class, now would be a good time to start.

Mike Reiss Mailbag – “That’s a very thoughtful question BigDogSaladTosser69.”

The Maine Red Claws changing their name to the Maine Celtics is like reverse of all the minor league baseball teams that went from being the ‘Podunk (MLB affiliate name)’, to, say, The ‘Cobalt City Electric Armadillos,’

Hey Peacock, can you get us Olympic feeds without announcers? This curling pair knows less about curling than a stray dog knows about The Kuiper Belt.

I’m nails
I’m a knife
I’m a preacher with a gun
I’m a one man lie
I’m a king
I’m a ruse
I’m born again with no life to lose

Cause it don’t mean all that much, does it?
But we never really had a choice
No, it don’t mean all that much to us
But we never really had a choice
We’re conscience killers
Don’t want no conscience at all.

I asked a normie what they thought about lobster-adjacent AI programs that soon will be frame mogging and jestergooning at greater than moid levels and they had no idea what I was talking about. I thought I would cry.

Green Day gets better with time. Great set.

I hope Drake Maye at least gets the benefit of the bargain that comes with the Kendall Jenner curse. If you know what I mean.

Honk if you remember Toots Shor.

The last Monday game Kansas basketball lost in their own building came on Feb. 5, 2001: 79-77 against Iowa State.

I really should have eaten an early lunch today when I had the chance.

Guyanese sounds like some men’s rights thing.

A: Benny the Ball, Choo-Choo, Brain, Spook, and Fancy-Fancy.

Finally saw Sinners and really liked it. I made a conscious effort to not learn anything about it beforehand. It was nice having no expectations.

Woodward, Bernstein, Farinella.

Tom Brady doesn’t have a dog in the fight for the Super Bowl but he does have a dog in a cloning facility which is objectively way worse.

The Globe is bringing everyone back they sent to Santa Clara? Why?

My suggestion for the Super Bowl halftime next year: Oasis. They’re the biggest band in the world again, and they’re perfect for it. Liam Gallagher would be a bit of a wild card, but oh well.

Any other ex-Celtics that can’t play more than 15 minutes a week available? Asking for a friend.

Mike Tirico went from covering a sporting event, to then covering a sporting event. He didn’t cure polio.

Pspspsps. PSPSPSPS!

Best bet for the weekend: Olympics, or Spring Training batting practice. Pick em.

Cooz bobblehead night at the TD Garden. (Plumber and accountant bobbleheads sold separately.)

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Joe Giza, Dakota Randall, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. I beat the Devil’s tattoo.

I sincerely hope the Puccini, Verdi, and Rossini big head guys will be foot racing each other between halves at Serie A matches in the near-future.

02/04/26 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

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This hat does not come with a free bowl of soup.

I hope when BB does get in he sends Jordon to accept for him like Sacheen Littlefeather.

Stadium Series Bag Job.

No one likes a salary dump more than the Boston Red Sox.

The Cool Kids table once more eludes Mister Kraft.

Mike Conley Jr. would fill the ‘defensive guard with a white wife’ spot on the C’s roster.

Gronk really white-knuckles his ad reads with Edelman, doesn’t he?

Vučević brings a lot of Montenegrin delicacies like priganice and palacinke. Culinarily speaking it really opens up the dessert spacing.

After 35 years of eligibility, it’s finally Ken Anderson’s turn!

Cakes are cooking for Gary Conway, John Schuck, John Steel, Florence LaRue, Johnny Gamble, Dan Quayle,Jeannie Wilson, Alice Cooper, Michael Beck, James Dunn, Robert Jan Stips, Patrick Bergin, Jerry Shirley, Lisa Eichhorn, Kitarō, Lawrence Taylor, Denis Savard, Clint Black, Dan Plesac, Kevin Wasserman, Brandy Ledford, Joe Sacco, Gabrielle Anwar, Rob Corddry, Oscar De La Hoya, Natalie Imbruglia, Cam’ron, Gavin DeGraw, Kimberly Wyatt, Carly Patterson, and Charlie Barnett.

I prefer my jerseys the way Bob Kraft likes his handjobs – cheap and from Asia.

Dave Portnoy runs like he tore both groin muscles. WTF.

NBA season doesn’t technically start until Dennis Schroder gets traded.

Lindsay Vonn must have been a hockey player in a past life.

Gosling always gets lumped in with Reynolds because of the first name. But Gosling is 100 times the actor that Reynolds is. Obviously chicks and gay men like him but he can actually act.

No news story involving an au pair has ever ended well.

Blue Line: Delays of about 15 minutes due to a maintenance train inspecting the overhead wires on the main line. Trains may stand by at stations.

Sean McDonough loves to talk about anything other than what’s going on the ice at that time.

Veronica’s Dad > Steve Burton’s daughter

News Item: Jeffrey Epstein scouted women for New York Giants co-owner Steve Tisch. Turns out the girls couldn’t play football so they then panicked and drafted Evan Neal.

Things that only happen flying out of Providence: Seeing your car in the long-term parking lot from the plane.

Hey gang of middle school sweethearts, this week’s Phrase that Pays is, “I like Ann Michael. Kinda cute and she’s not a psychotic Brazilian.”

Max Shulga has a monk haircut.

I predict that Bad Bunny will be the Star of the Super Bowl. It will be the ICING on The Cake.

Was kinda hoping the Cs would start all the white guys for the inaugural Pioneers Classic. For the Lol’s!

What’s less believable? That Robin Leach killed somebody in front of a bunch of witnesses, or that someone actually enjoyed a Bill Speros column?

Goalie fights are fun, but also gay.

You know it’s healthy when you describe the flavor by color and not an actual flavor.

Just wait until someone reads the news to Ted Johnson!

Mike Conley Jr. looks like he was designed in a lab for the sole purpose of being called ‘Unc’ by other black people.

McKone’s hair on Terri Schiavo-style life support.

How does one go about watching more overtime hockey than most people? Sounds like a Zamboni driver’s lament.

Oh, mother, tell your children
Not to do what I have done
Spend your lives in sin and misery
In the House of the Rising Sun.

Well, I got one foot on the platform
The other foot on the train
I’m goin’ back to New Orleans
To wear that ball and chain.

Even for a radio guy, Jon Wallach is shockingly untalented.

Could a senile old man list the rosters of the 1954 and 1955 Fort Wayne Pistons? I think not!

Honk if you remember the original Floramo’s.

Imagine the poor Ukrainian sex-trafficking victim who had to listen to Kraft slur on about his RKK Air Force 1s.

These “in sports” people never fail to see the hypocrisy of them smirking and snarking their way through Black Monday (and mixed Thursday) and then crying about the Washington Post closing down its Sports Page.

Jordon Hudson has been 24 years old longer than Melanie Wilkes was pregnant with Beau in Gone With the Wind.

One confusing thing is that Super Bowl LX is pronounced the same as Super Bowl LIX.

No nights off in the Big East except for most of them.

Best bet for the weekend: Hype, hype, and then, even more hype.

Beanpot fever grips Hub.

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Brother John Irons, Joe Giza, Old Friends Directional Brian and Moe’s Tavern and the members of #the15 were used in this column. No more Mister Nice Guy.

Bianca is wearing her road whites too.

01/28/26 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

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And now you hand the trophy to Jonathan, that’s what you do with it.

Well, at least the NFL Network won’t be airing irrefutable evidence of Bill’s first-ballot career over the next ten days. Wait…

it’s clear there’s a QB controversy in Denver. How can they keep a superstar like Jarrett Stidham on the bench???

When they say that Diggs has had four kids this year, do they mean in the last 28 days?

Was the Pro Football Hall of Fame going to have Dylan Mulvaney announce the 2026 inductees? What a self-own.

Wow. Terry Pegula throwing McDermott directly under the Zubaz-themed bus and driving over multiple times. He says “the coaching staff” wanted Keon Coleman and Brandon Beane was just “being a team player.” Woah.

Vance Joseph looks like he manages a McDowell’s.

Imagine how good Joe Mazulla’s coaching record would be if he knew to call a timeout every time the opposing team goes on a 4-0 run.

Not taking the points with your backup QB and your defense playing great is spitting in the face of the Football Gods!

Ryan Leaf seems to hate a lot of the right people.

Even after a long bus ride back to Boston, Pasta is a good kid and Geekie is a scoring machine.

I don’t feel bad about making dated references to 90’s Seinfeld now that people are quoting The Warriors from 1979.

Cakes are cooking for Bill White, Alan Alda, John M. Fabian, Paul Henderson, Rick Allen, Jeanne Shaheen, Gregg Popovich, Barbi Benton, David Carl Hilmers, William “Billy Bass” Nelson Jr, Dan Higgins, Peter Schilling, Nick Price, Dave Sharp, Sam Phillips, DJ Muggs, Rakim, Sarah McLachlan, Jermaine Dye, Magglio Ordóñez, Tony Delk, Jarrod Montague, Mark Madsen, Rick Ross, Joey Fatone, Takuma Sato, Nick Carter, Elijah Wood, Andre Iguodala, Katie Nolan, and Whitney Peak.

Doesn’t happen often but the Bruins and the Celtics don’t often play on the same night BUT they do tonight.

Just wait until someone reads the news to Ted Johnson.

Speaking of The Warriors, Lou Merloni would have made the perfect Baseball Fury.

Red Line Update: Regular service between JFK/UMass and Ashmont has resumed. Trains continue to experience residual delays of about 20 minutes.

Is there really a Perkins School for the Blind hockey squad?

Happy for the biggest Patriots fan I know, the Big Cat.

Hey gang of Emerald Isle autists, this week’s Phrase that Pays is, “No one expects the Irish Inquisition!”

I love that fat shaming commercial, reminds me of being at a Minifan live show.

We’re on the brink of the verge of the Beanpot Tournament.

Bill needs to finally accept that medal of freedom to put the universe back in balance.

There’s just not enough college basketball on tv nowadays.

They’re going to ask all the committee voters how they voted and it’s going to total up to 55 ‘yes’ votes for Bill.

‘These people are the same species.‘
‘Looks like a still from The Jenny Jones Show. “Help! My Boyfriend Keeps Eating the Couch!”‘
‘Sexual Dimorphism Has Entered the Chat.‘

‘Any escape might help to smooth the unattractive truth’ – I had to look up the lyrics for Subdivisions, and I always heard ‘to smooth’ as ‘disprove’. This has been The Sports Junk Drawer’s Mondegreen Minute.

These names are annoyingly close. Mike MacDonald, Mike McCarthy, Mike McDaniel, Josh McDaniels.

Barmore hit Stidhsy like he messed with the thermostat.

Anyone catch the newest episode of “Stugotz & Company LIVE”? Yeah, me neither.

I’m going to let it slide because it’s his first one, but Coach Vrabes has to remember to immediately hand off the Lamar Hunt Trophy to Jonathan like it’s covered in broken glass and AIDS.

‘Belichick doesn’t deserve credit for drafting Christian Gonzalez’ people deserve a special place in Hell.

You think Planet Fitness was ever close to going with Fitness Planet? Or was Planet Fitness always the move?

Hell of a win by Seattle and congratulations to Sam Darnell.

The Little Debbie’s Valentine’s Day heart snack cakes are good, but nowhere near as good as the Christmas Tree snack cakes.

And it’s hard at the end of the day
I need some distraction
Oh, beautiful release
Memories seep from my veins
Let me be empty
Oh, and weightless and maybe
I’ll find some peace tonight

In the arms of the angel
Fly away from here
From this dark cold hotel room
And the endlessness that you fear
You are pulled from the wreckage
Of your silent reverie
You’re in the arms of the angel
May you find some comfort here.

Are we really acting like Jerod Mayo wouldn’t have this team in the exact same spot? Pats cut bait too soon.

All blizzards are snowstorms, but not all snowstorms are blizzards.

Out of the 7 NFC teams that made the playoffs, only the 49ers wouldn’t have been a Super Bowl rematch for the Patriots.

You let us get Snoopy’d, Rifkin!!

Every time I learn something new about Brazil, I feel that it’s just India with fatter ass-ed women.

News Item: Josh Allen will have significant say on the next coach of the Buffalo Bills. What if he said Sean McDermott?

Imagine getting angry about lobsters.

What is missing during this blizzard is Dan Rather strapped to a tree & the immortal Shelby Scott reporting knee deep in snow and howling wind.

Fist bumping Kraft must feel like dapping up the Cryptkeeper.

“Da’Jury Foreman” is a great defensive tackle name.

Apple watch fitness app needs snow shoveling category.

Honk if you remember 1971 NFL Draft first overall pick Jim Plunkett.

While appreciated, I don’t think Jonas Gray needed to have an official statement citing his departure from the team.

Mike McCarthy has corrupt Mayor physiognomy.

The Supreme Court thinks it’s weird the NFL Hall of Fame voters have lifetime appointments.

UConn may still also be a basketball school.

I would very much like to have seen Mayor Menino take a whack at saying ‘Jaxon Smith-Njigba.’

I think that fat shaming commercial was paid for by the LA Rams kicking unit.

So if Spygate and Deflategate were big problems for Belichick with the Pro Football Hall of Fame voters, will Tom Brady not make it in on the first ballot either?

Best bet for the weekend: more unasked-for trailers for Super Bowl commercials.

Stick tap, Joey Beefs. @joeybeefs

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Joe Giza, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. We all we got. We all we need.

And happy birthday to actress Ariel Winter.

01/21/26 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

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Boutte. Comes up big.

Lotta sports. Good thing I have 3 TVs.

Patriots win Sunday the ‘who people are rooting for in Super Bowl LX’ graphic is going to look like the 1972 presidential electoral map.

One minute your quarterback is spiking the ball backwards at midfield for no reason, the next minute you’re fired.

But I hear McDermott’s interviewing to be the number 2 guy at Al-Qaeda.

Khyiris Tonga joins the NFL “All Island” team along with James Cook, Xavier Rhodes, Howie Long, Matt Cassel, Taiwan Jones, and Jeff Ireland.

Fenway Park is officially the ‘Ranger Zone.’

I have to wonder that if the Patriots had to play Josh Dobbs this weekend if all the Boston mediots would tell Denver hosts how surprisingly good he is.

Being the new fattest guy at Barstool is like being the world’s oldest person.

Sure, Cardi B has sleep paralysis demon physiognomy, but she probably has a lovely singing voice.

When there’s something worth celebrating, Dondero is a breath of fresh air on the postgame show. At least he’s happy.

Cakes are cooking for Jack Nicklaus, Placido Domingo, Chris Britton, Jill Eikenberry, Billy Ocean, Marty Walsh, Mike Krukow, Jeff Koons, Peter Fleming, Bob Brill, Robby Benson, Detlef Schrempf, Hakeen Olajuwan, Charlotte Ross, Cat Power, Shelley Looney, Emma Bunton, Jerry Trainor, David F. Sandberg, and Luke Grimes.

If the Patriots lost Maye on a designed roll out that meant nothing I would drive McDaniels to T.F. Green myself.

Tuesday’s Wordle, yaaaaa…!!!

Here’s the thing: the sports media, they all hate their jobs. Which is why it’s so funny that they resort to “you hate me because I have your dream job” when they get criticized.

The Dedham Grant was known for its rich assortment of prized hardwoods.

The local TV news person can’t have a sports rooting interest? I’m surprised KPD would lump that riff-raff in with real journalism!

Jet fuel can’t melt pass interference.

I’ve yet to find a non-terrible person making ‘the Dodgers are not ruining baseball’ argument.

I’m convinced Sean Payton would call a pass play in victory formation.

Hey gang of opera lovers, this week’s Phrase that Pays is,”Fran Rogers gets tons of pelt.”

Fun fact: the heaters in Hondas are most efficient when set to blow hot medium.

Buffalo didn’t Stand Up for Sean McDermott.

Please remember, they’re not ‘sports betting whores’, they’re ‘clamdicappers’.

Blue Line Update: Delays of about 15 minutes while a maintenance train inspects the overhead wires between Airport and Wonderland. Trains may stand by at stations

I never understand throwing the jacket on the QB for 10 seconds during a stoppage in play. Doesn’t it make him want to stay under there?

Indiana was recruiting my older brother wayyyy back in the mid 2000s before they were the football program we see before us today. For that reason alone I’ve always hoped they’d find success. What an amazing story.

Harrison Meavis is an all-time terrible name.

I want Maria Taylor to toss me around with her gigantic hands.

Does Sports Illustrated know that Karalis is a real person? Because they don’t hire many of those.

Well, the brother of Carson Palmer thinks Stidham is good so that settles it: game on.

How do you have an entire organization whose mission is to combat Jewish stereotypes and then publicly bitch about paying out 0.1 % of your net worth?

I’m always team whatever TV drug is advertised. Doubly so when it affects my genitals.

Already annoyed with all the Conformity Gate BS that’s gonna come out of this SNL Episode.

You think Dart Adams ever messed around and made a Willie Bennett NBA Live player?

I just realized that candles with 2 wicks are just a scam by Big Candle to make your candles burn more quickly so you need to buy more candles.

What does Mina Kimes got to do to get a head coaching or GM interview?

Girl you’re gettin’ that look in your eyes
And it’s startin’ to worry me
I ain’t ready for no family ties
Nobody’s gonna hurry me

Just keep it friendly girl
’cause I don’t wanna leave
Don’t start clingin’ to me girl
‘Cause I can’t breathe

Baby, baby, don’t get hooked on me
Baby, baby, don’t get hooked on me
’cause I’ll just use you then I’ll set you free
Baby, baby, don’t get hooked on me.

Using ‘The Ville’, for Louisville sounds like ‘Beantown’ or ‘Frisco’ in that nobody from there refers to it as such.

Here’s hoping the new Commanders stadium gets called the ‘RFK Jr.’

There’s never been a poor person named Tad.

I bet Rich Little does a great Frank Caliendo impression.

As an early adopter of AI, let me say this: It is far less advanced and sophisticated than normies perceive. You’re basically talking to the world’s most advanced screwdriver. Practical when you need to drive a screw. But you wouldn’t ask a screwdriver for life advice.

Honk if you remember John McEnroe getting expelled from the Australian Open.

Any college basketball games being fixed today?

Jarrett Stidham’s Arapaho name is ‘Wears Two Wristwatches’.

Think they’ll be some bad blood when the Habs visit the ol’ barn this weekend, Brick?

Nice to win the Jack Easterby Bowl.

Them Bosa brothers are about to apply for ICE TONIGHT.

Kendra is Temu Charlotte Wilder.

When did we start calling curveballs “sweepers”?

Best bet for the weekend: Flawless officiating in both Conference Championship games.

The upcoming Tubi remake of ‘Clue’ looks amazing.

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Joe Giza, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. Wild thing, I think I love you. But I wanna know for sure. So come on, hold me tight. I love you.

And happy birthday to Wareham, Massachusetts’ Own Geena Davis.

01/14/26 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

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Hunt Hen!

Look, the Bregman deal was for what, five years? But those Fenway Fest memories will last a lifetime. Maybe you all should consider that.

Glad the 49ers won. I had Eagles fatigue. I was Fatigled.

And all these people like Bert Breer are liars. How can you possibly watch a sport without rooting for someone?

Pastrnak ties a franchise record with six assists, moves from 14th to 7th in the league in scoring, and isn’t even the first star of the game.

D’Ernest Gets Released. Is this on BET or Tubi?

My biggest regret is I never got to hear Shukri Wrights or Mensa Matt Wilson pronounce ‘Borregales’.

No Longer a Coach Drip knows it’s cold in Cleveland, right?

I guess this Linus Ullmark thing proves that not all hockey players are gay now.

It’s just poor planning that Jack and Jackie Harbaugh didn’t have enough kids to fill all these coaching vacancies. Phil Rivers would never.

Cakes are cooking for Don Garlits, Clarence Carter, Faye Dunaway, Holland Taylor, Ronald Hunter, Shannon Lucid, Graham Marsh, Marjoe Gortner, Nina Totenberg, T Bone Burnett, Christine Belford, Lawrence Kasdan, Mark Egan, Maureen Dowd, Jim Duggan, Chas Smash, Geoff Tate, Mike Tramp, Patricia Morrison, Steven Soderbergh, Mark Addy, Shepard Smith, Daniel J. Schneider, Kerri Green, Terry Wooden, Zakk Wylde, LL Cool J, Dave Grohl, Jason Bateman, Angela Lindvall, Byron Leftwich, Cory Gibbs, Caleb Followill, Grant Gustin, and Molly Tuttle.

It just now dawned on me that both Los Angeles football teams are named after Dodge vehicles.

Scalabrine looks like a white Klump.

Poor Kendra misses out on up to 4 weeks of tweeting about traveling for performative fandom.

I’ve been told that Season 2 of Landman sucks. I read that criticism, continued watching, then Sam fuckin’ Elliott suddenly appeared. Are you people insane?

That it’s Bregman is immaterial. It’s that they traded Devers to free up more money, lost out on Alonso, and then couldn’t even retain the guy they said they were going to retain. Fuck them. And people think they’re gonna sign Bichette?

Oregon kept calling time out like they’d have enough time for a double score after the Hoosiers went up by 28.

So the guy who can’t figure out the velcro on his wristband hasn’t won a playoff game you say?

Hey gang of quiet heroes, this week’s Phrase that Pays is: “I would say that was one of the one or two hardest decisions… It was very expensive… It’s the worst financial implication since we’ve owned the team. But I’m a fan first… That’s on me.”

With a Patriots win, what does Los Angeles Mayor Bass have to send to Mayor Wu?

I thought I was having an acid flashback hearing ‘Oronde Gadsden’.

Percale over sateen.

Gonna tell my boss that I need a month off while I eagerly follow Mr. Wonderful from Shark Tank’s Oscar campaign for Marty Supreme. “Could be his year!”

Red Line Ashmont branch: Delays of about 10 minutes due to a disabled train at JFK/UMass. Trains may stand by at stations.

The Bruins knew that the Rangers were so bad on home ice this season that they made them wear their home blue jerseys to get a Rangers home ice performance. Chess not checkers.

Terrell Williams’ prostate is the MVP of the 2025 Patriots.

When you get outbid every time it’s obviously a YOU problem.

What they never tell you about the portrait of John Henry smoking his cigar by the fire is the aftermath: he fell asleep because he’s old, the cigar fell out of his mouth, and burned up all his money [which was held in loose bags of cash] and now he can’t afford Devers OR Bregman.

My aunt got me Lee Iacocca’s autobiography when I turned 14.

Gary Numan is 13 days older than Gary Oldman.

I was thinking today felt like Opening Day at Fenway weather but then thought more and said they’d be lucky to have this weather for the home opener.

Jim Harbaugh always looks like something inexplicable happened.

The first day of talking radio man training they tell you not to take a position in front of a vehicle.

Tony Dungy dressed like Rosa Parks waiting for the bus.

Jaylen continually trying to get a highlight off on Wemby wasn’t thuddingly obvious and counterproductive.

Fernando Mendoza says ‘collaborative’ more than Herb Chambers’ Head Felon.

Who the fuck is Wet Leg, and why did “catch these fists” just grab me by the balls?

LA Rams could have the fattest 2 kickers in NFL history.

Kate Hudson, who has come out of nowhere to give an astonishing performance in Song Sung Blue, has been nominated for a SAG award. This means she really has a chance for an Oscar nomination, which would be deserved, as would a win.

Tell her you care each time you speak
Make it her birthday each day of the week
Bring her nice things, sugar and spice things
Roses and lollipops and lollipops and roses.

One day she’ll smile, next day she’ll cry
Minute to minute you’ll never know why
Coax her, pet her, better yet, get her
Roses and lollipops and lollipops and roses.

Why does every lady at every donut shop call me honey? That’s a little too intimate for a routine blueberry muffin purchase.

‘Sarge’ moonlights at Shea Concrete, by chewing rocks into aggregate.

What does rescind mean anyway?

Honk if you remember what denomination McDonald’s gift certificates came in.

Football & Golden Globes = major Twitter day.

The only thing I like more than replays and MVP debates is tush push arguments.

Since when did “New England” mean only Boston? Would be nice to see a lighthouse in Maine or a covered bridge in Vermont.

Alex Karaban has won 2 national titles but had never beaten Seton Hall in Newark before this week.

Does Mike McDaniel have to be interviewed twice to satisfy the Rooney Rule?

True to his word, Paul Finebaum’s going back to the old country – Ireland.

Do NFL teams get credit for extra points if their quarterback slightly looks away from his intended target as he is releasing the ball on a touchdown throw?

Best bet for this weekend: Texans leave the lettermen jackets in Houston.

“Stand up, Miss Jean Louise…Liam Coen’s passing.”

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Joe Giza, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. El Dorado, woo-hoo-hoo!

And happy birthday to British model, singer, and songwriter Karen Elson,
By Paul Hudson from United Kingdom – Karen Elson at Rough Trade, CC BY 2.0,

01/07/26 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

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My advice: No travel. Barring that; steer into the skid.

Now Brother Jim Harbaugh finally has a chance to sit back, collect his thoughts, and read the NFL rule book.

A 50-point game from Jaylen! And then not. But the Celtics still won!

Ballots to the Hall in Cooperstown remind us how especially terrible the baseball contingent of sports media is.

Fun Fact: David Pastrnak has the most goals scored in 2026.

With all due respect to Dua Lipa, why is NBC using a British singer to advertise the winter Olympics taking place in Milan, Italy? Am I missing a connection somewhere?

Nobody at the gym yaps more than a guy in Adidas windpants.

I’m going to give Swayman a pass for last night, he’s probably still distracted by Trocheck making Team USA.

Merry New Year!

Cakes are cooking for Frederick Drew Gregory, Jim Lefebvre, Leona Williams, Andy Brown, Jann Wenner, Kenny Loggins, Erin Gray, Sammo Hung, David Caruso, Katie Couric, Linda Kozlowski, Kathy Valentine, Jeff Montgomery, Ron Rivera, Nicolas Cage, John Ondrasik, Doug E. Doug, Jeremy Renner, Alfonso Soriano, Éric Gagné, Aloe Blacc, Ivan L. Moody, Chris Messina, Lauren Cohan, Ruth Negga, Brett Dalton, Jon Lester, Lewis Hamilton, Lamar Jackson. and Ozzie Albies.

News Item: Peacock adding enhancements that may allow fans to mute announcers, control crowd noise.

The X makes the S superfluous in ‘Jaxson.’

Tom Heinsohn was a very interesting man. Great player. Two-time championship coach. Decorated insurance man. Brilliant artist. Excellent wordsmith. You got the idea he could be good at anything he tried.

Blue Line: Delays of about 10 minutes due to a signal problem between Aquarium and Maverick. Trains may stand by at stations.

Can we next task Delta Force with rescuing Auston Matthews from the ingrate Torontonians?

Underrated: setting your heat for 50° and coming home to it being 54°.

Damn don’t give New Era your phone number. Countless texts trying to sell me expensive baseball hats.

Hey gang of Pacific Island holdouts, this week’s Phrase that Pays is, “I’ve figured out that gifs only get fucked up in group chats. 1 on 1 chats, they’re good. I know this doesn’t help at all.”

Being in sports media is just as demanding as being an actual athlete or coach! Source: Sports media.

I see that worried look upon your face
You’ve got your troubles, I’ve got mine
She’s found somebody else to take your place;
You’ve got your troubles, I’ve got mine
I too have lost my love today
All of my dreams have flown away
Now just like you I sit and wonder why;
You’ve got your troubles, I’ve got mine
You need some sympathy, well so do I
You’ve got your troubles, I’ve got mine
She used to love me, that I know
And it don’t seem so long ago
That we were walking, and we were talking
The way that lovers do.

Anyone who kicks in my door, is getting stabbed in the throat.

Is there a DVD available for purchase of Laura Rutledge running from the sideline coach’s interview to the halftime report desk for all 17 games?

Ending credits of Stranger Things should have been to Shadows of The Night.

Amelia Earheart was as real as a person as Helen Keller.

It’s like you don’t even care to know that “Maneater” by Hall and Oates held its spot at #1 for a 3rd consecutive week this time back in 1983!

A classy statement from John Harbaugh, sent out from the Ravens. Love the emoji in his goodbye… perhaps an NFL first.

Florida is a very strange individual.

One of the wives of Cary Grant was Barbara Hutton. Her grandfather was Frank W Woolworth who was the founder of the F W Woolworth Company. Barbara’s cousin was the actress, Dina Merrill.

Honk if you remember the Blizzard of 1996.

I would like to see the Celtics wear throwback green road unis with ‘CELTICS’ on the front.

Why did Pete Carroll tarnish his legacy like that?

For nothing more than curiosity, it’d be interested to see if just once an entire cycle’s fired NFL head coaches would all join one team on the same staff and see how they could do. I’m sure there’d be jockeying about who’d be the HC or whatever but would be cool to see the collective wisdom from failure all concentrated into one effort. Just for fun.

Tony Dungy looks like if you left Kareem Abdul-Jabbar in the sun too long.

Can we argue about NFL MVP today please?

Big Sky Conference!

Best bet for the weekend: One NFL feline team wins, and one loses and goes home.

So we’re doing it like this again, huh?

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Joe Giza, Buckner’s Legs, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. Walk like a penguin.

And happy birthday to retired LPGA golfer Natalie Gulbis.
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