Tag Archives: NHL

5/15/24 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

Posted on by Leave a comment
You think the old barn will be rocking the next couple nights? Heh heh.

(Editor’s Note: in last week’s Junk Drawer a quote from Mark Farinella was mistakenly attributed to comedian Mitch Hedberg. We apologize for the error and thank Mr. Farinella for pointing it out.)

I bet everyone is happy the Celtics came back on the road and finally won a close playoff game.

Drew Bledsoe rooted for Roy Stalin in Better Off Dead.

You could run a black light over the court at MSG and not find any winning DNA.

Who greenlit Harrison Butker’s commencement speech? Nick Adams? Fred Waterford?

A quarter of the season done, and the Red Sox lead the league in ERA. If that holds up, it would be the first time that has happened since two years before the Magna Carta was signed.

Drew Bledsoe is the Platonic ideal of a coach’s kid.

Will rookies wearing their actual game numbers improve Patriots coverage this year?

Nothing says I’m a dickhead Boston cop like a bald head and a goatee.

Cakes are cooking for Anna Maria Alberghetti, Wavy Gravy, Don Nelson, Brian Eno, Chazz Palminteri, George Brett, Mike Oldfield, Dan Patrick, Kevin Von Erich, Melle Mel, John Smoltz, Emmitt Smith, Desmond Howard, Jennifer Rizzotti, Ray Lewis, Ryan Leaf, David Krumholtz, Josh Beckett, Justin Morneau, Jamie-Lynn Sigler, Christiane, and Andy Murray,

Max Strus has never actually hit a three against a team other than the Celtics.

Hey gang of potential sports managment agency clients, this week’s Phrase that Pays is, “Do rib tattoos hurt? I want one.”

Drew Bledsoe would be divorced too if he played in the NFL for 23 seasons like Brady.

I’d rather be backed over by my ciggy breath girlfriend than have friends that play fight with me after a few beers.

Someone please give Jennifer Connelly a meatball sub. Or two.

Shouldn’t Mother’s Day be every day of the year?

Red Line Reminder: May 18-19 (This Weekend) Shuttle Buses replace service between Broadway and Braintree due to bridge and track work. Regular Red Line service will operate between Ashmont and JFK/UMass.

Drew Bledsoe parks his car diagonally across four parking spaces at the supermarket.

Celtics are lucky Okoro can’t score-o. He has to be 0 for his last 15.

Leah Hextall. Naughty.

Hey Ken, find the dog food that I ordered on Amazon two weeks ago, loser. Yaaaaaa!

Spike Lee still alive? What a cvnt.

Drew Bledsoe’s sheared artery was the first time we learned he had heart.

Imagine being Turtleboy’s lawyer. After a while, you must be like, “Why are you such an asshole?”

Is Zack Cox trespassing?

The mute button loves PK Subban.

You don’t need to use the search bar Ma; the page you’re looking for is already open in a tab. Cursor up. Up. Up! No, don’t scroll down! Up! You see the tabs up top? right in the middle! Click there!

Drew Bledsoe would be friends with Shooter McGavin.

A: the1987 Los Angeles Lakers.

The fact there are Red Lobster restaurants in Connecticut is a point for the ‘CT isn’t really part of New England’ side of the argument.

If you’re looking for a catchy tune with a funky beat, you could do much worse than Shalamar.

When did Court TV get so bad/cheesy?

Honk if you’ve eaten at The Weathervane/Lobster in the Rough.

Kelsey Plum forgot her blouse!

Drew still using the roast from over a week ago as an excuse to keep insulting Tom kinda makes him look like the asshole we all know him to be.

And you may ask yourself, “How do I work this?”
And you may ask yourself, “Where is that large automobile?”
And you may tell yourself, “This is not my beautiful house.”
And you may tell yourself, “This is not my beautiful wife.”

Letting the days go by, let the water hold me down.
Letting the days go by, water flowing underground.
Into the blue again, after the money’s gone.
Once in a lifetime, water flowing underground.

Same as it ever was, same as it ever was.
Same as it ever was, same as it ever was.
Same as it ever was, same as it ever was.
Same as it ever was, same as it ever was.

Radar guns have changed. There is no way that all these pitchers hit 100mph so consistently. No one threw it faster than Nolan Ryan but now every middle-reliever does? Impossible.

Dallas’s NHL team should have been named the Lone Stars.

UConn is a baseball school.

Can you really cry while giving a speech about the loss of masculinity? Asking for an idiot kicker.

Who’s the Florida Panthers diving coach, Thornton Mellon? Bravo.

Statistics that other people research and post should get acknowledged or attributed to them if they are used, not just stolen. It’s a lousy thing to do.

Drew Bledsoe got traded to another team in the division.

Red Lobster got Frying Dutchman’d with its ultimate endless shrimp promotion. Arrrrr!

Welcome to the big leagues, Caitlin Clark.

Best bet for the weekend: Not Mystik Dan. Sorrey!

Boston cop physiognomy.

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, but nothing from Mark Farinella, don’t you worry your pretty little head, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. The second time around. Ooh, the second time is so much better, baby.

BdlG at the WHCD.

5/8/24 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

Posted on by Leave a comment
Plain B(lack) Hat. He’s back.

Shertenlieb to WZLX? Our short, regional nightmare is finally over. But will the wacky bits work sandwiched between Meatloaf and Molly Hatchet? Enjoy obscurity.

You all want Tatum to be a point guard. Don’t @ me.

Mmmm, meatloaf sandwich.

Upton Bell was still working in football the last time the Knicks won a title.

Boy that Gorman “goodnight,” huh? That’s one you don’t forget.

Watching Lohrei handle the puck immediately after Wotherspoon is hilarious. It’s like they play different sports.

Why are the refs so deferential to Denver? It makes zero sense.

Cakes are cooking for Gary Glitter, Chris Frantz, Mike D’Antoni, Philip Bailey, Alex Van Halen, Bill Cowher, Lovie Smith, Ronnie Lott, Melissa Gilbert, Omar Camporese, Hiromi Arakawa, Enrique Iglesias, Jussi Markkanen, Joe Bonnamassa, John Maine, Adrian Gonzalez, Kemba Walker, and Olivia Culpo.

Kobe anally raped a woman, but Pat Bev was mean to the middle-aged lady. He should leave.

The Mets are like the lottery one day you win big and the next day you lose a lot.

Jalen Brunson looks like Abby Chin without makeup.

They fired the reigning In Season Tournament winning coach? Odd. And sad.

Hey gang, this week’s Phrase that Pays is, “Are you going to spend vacation watching a trial on your phone?”

Macklin Celebrini? That’s not a hockey player name, that’s the name of an advertising agency.

It’s free to subscribe to Pat Bev’s podcast. That lady was just being difficult.

What do people even do with bookmarks?

Tatum is gonna have to take over one of these times and steal us a game. Or perhaps even steal us a series. Or neither, seeing as basketball is a team sport.

How much at auction would Darren pay for ‘genuine human emotions?’

Carlo has a kid – flies in late, plays, scores. Rudy Gobert has a kid- smokes weed, goes on the ‘Gram, misses game(s).

Hope Keith Foulke is happy that he lost a fan!

Red Line Reminder: May 11-12 (This Weekend) Shuttle Buses replace service between Broadway and North Quincy due to bridge and track work. Regular Red Line service will operate between Ashmont and JFK/UMass during this work.

Jamal Murray looks like an extra in Raid on Entebbe.

Carl Yastrzemski. I stood next to him once at a store. There were a handful of men there. None of us spoke to him, though he gave me a head nod. I know he is a man and yet somehow, we all knew that he is more than that. He quietly disappeared from the store as if he was an apparition.

The Indianapolis Star’s Gregg Doyel is in the middle of a two-week suspension after the Caitlin Clark press-conference controversy. He will not cover any Fever games live this summer.

Shukri must be the Philly equivalent of Charlie on the MTA. All abroad!

Pitchbots are a stain on the beautiful troll community.

My kid just walked into the room. Sees Leafs vs. Bruins warming up on TV. “What? It’s boy’s hockey” with full indignation. “Why isn’t there girl’s hockey on?” She’s 5 and will never know a world where we can’t just turn our TV on and see pro women’s hockey players, and I love it.

Why does Kenny Smith need to have a video if all he’s doing is counting to 12?

Friends say it’s fine, friends say it’s good.
Everybody says it’s just like Robin Hood.
I move like a cat, talk like a rat, sting like a bee.
Babe, I’m gonna be your man.

It’s plain to see,
You were meant for me.
Yeah, I’m your boy,
Your 20th century toy.

Kendra Middleton’s peanut allergy story was lifted straight out of the film Fallen.

PWHL Boston – playoff bound.

Mutnansky is still in Monte Carlo playing baccarat with his Kentucky Derby winnings, right?

Just say you don’t know the joke. It’s OK.

If you take Aiden the Turtleboy’s place in line for the Karen Read case, he’s gonna kick you out of the Lollipop Guild.

Sears has medicine balls on sale today. Great prices.

Does interviewing Samir Suleiman satisfy the Rooney Rule the way having Brandon Hunt in for an interview does?

Honk if you remember the Dunkin coffee coolatta.

I haven’t slept for ten days, because that would be too long.

Love that there’s more outrage about Pat Beverly being mean to a reporter than there is about him beaning a woman in the crowd in the head with a basketball.

No, you did not ‘catch a stray’ during the Tom Brady Roast.

I can take 30 Minions right now and throw them in the NFL. You cannot take 30 NFL players and put them in the Minion Ice Cave. jmt

ACAB and ‘bitch clearly did it’ are not mutually exclusive thoughts.

What is it with Kennedys always losing part of their brains?

Best bet for the weekend: packed brunch spots on Mother’s Day.

WOW.

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Mitch Hedberg, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. What you gonna do when you get out of jail?

And a happy birthday to Josie Maran, SI swimsuit model, actress and skincare & cosmetics entrepreneur.

5/1/24 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

Posted on by Leave a comment
The only Mayday we recognize here.

Every quip on Twitter by a broad talking about what an Uber driver “said” to them is made up. Every single one.

What if the Toronto Polar bear has a humiliation fetish? Way to kink shame.

Dave O’Brien still can’t stop talking about a pitcher’s tempo even though there’s a pitch clock.

Jayson Tatum is Tatuming.

So we have one eyeshadow guy that likes the Patriots draft thus far, and one that hates it.

Maple Leaf Square should be renamed “Staple Loss Square” with how many times the Leafs get their lunch handed to them by the Bruins in the playoffs.

Did SkyCrepers pull out of sponsoring the Rich Keefe All Night Draft Party?

Brad’s going to trade that Executive of the Year Award for two second round picks and then turn those picks and an expiring contract into a 2027 first.

Cakes are cooking for Frank Beard, Rita Coolidge, Joanna Lumley, John Woo, Jerry Heard, Douglas Barr, Paul Teutul, Sr., Dann Florek, Ray Parker Jr, Nick Feldman, Dick Swett, Eddie Johnson, Steven Cauthen, Gary Clark, Yvonne von Gennip, Tim McGraw, Yael Arad, Bryan Marchment, Wes Anderson, Alex Van Pelt, Stuart Appleby, Curtis Martin, Wes Welker, David Backes, Ryan Matthews, Marcus Stroman, Anfernee Jennings, and Charli D’Amelio.

I’m sure Durant will be happy on the next team he goes to.

Hey gang of supplicants and courtiers, this week’s Phrase that Pays is, “You sound like a bafoon.”

I ain’t calling some other dude Kool-Aid.

Oatmeal raisin cookies are the identity thieves of the cookie world. From a distance you think they’re chocolate. Adrenaline spikes in anticipation of chocolatey morsels and that refreshing swig of ice-cold milk. Then you get nearer and realize you’ve been bamboozled. Crushing!

Are the rappers fighting again?

The smartest thing to ever come out of Lucy’s mouth is Curtis’s dick.

Folks, this should probably be pretty self-evident, but, for the record; I have 2FA enabled on literally everything I have setup in my life (which alerts me to login attempts or resets). Please, do not violate the Computer Fraud and Abuse Act of 1996. I will report it. K? Thx.

WEEI fired Kadlick the day before the Draft Party. You’d have to have a heart of stone not to laugh.

No Bron-Bron?

What’s this about Coach Mayo having a mural of himself depicted as a centaur installed in Gillette?

Red Line Reminder: May 2-10 Shuttle buses will replace Red Line service all day between Park Street and JFK/UMass due to track work. Shuttle service extends to Ashmont after 8:30 PM each day through May 9.

Aloha means goodbye. Norman Esiason, Aloha.

Marquette WBB junior wing Lee Volker has withdrawn her name from the portal.

Them Red Sox, they could continue to surprise!

We as a society do not give enough credit to the Reese’s Take 5 as one of our most superior candy innovations.

“Brainteaser” stumping everybody on Wheel of Fortune is a little too on the nose.

I won a really snazzy record player at an event for my grammar school. Which is really cool but now I need to buy records. Thinking ‘Nebraska’ or ‘Born to Run’ for my first purchase. Feels like a whole new world – straight back to my childhood.

The others were untrue
But when it came to lovin’ you
I’d spend my whole life with you
‘Cause you came and you took control
You touched my very soul
You always showed me that
Loving you was where it’s at
You made me so very happy
I’m so glad you came into my life.

Thank you baby.
Yeah yeah-yeah.

I don’t know, is Chicago even allowed to have a good non-Jewish quarterback?

Honk if you remember Francis Gary Powers.

Woke up the other morning and my wife left me a post-it saying, “Vontae Mack no matter what.” Ooops. Sorry. Eyes blurry. It says, “Pick up dry cleaning.” Draft day!

What’s the deal with all the crane flies this spring?

I hope Kendra keeps this same energy when one of her 98.5 co-workers inevitably says something racist. Again.

I used to ride an electric scooter to and from train stations commuting for work so I get the appeal of them. But these people now who have scooters to get from the garage to the job LITERALLY ACROSS THE STREET is peak laziness.

Being a Leo is great because anytime I’m accused of wanting attention I’m like, yeah literally astrologically I feel no shame about that.

Genuine Merch!

May is Mental Health Awareness Month. Remember — it’s okay to ask for help. You sad little nancy.

“EDGE” is not a position. It’s called defensive end.

No one has the right to call Nick Cattles an idiot. Everyone has the responsibility to call him an idiot.

Jose Ramirez is fascinating, because he doesn’t look at all like one of the five best players in baseball, but he is. He doesn’t look like he would be fast, but he is. Sort of in the Rick Reuschel/deceptive body class.

The Heat have signaled they want to quit. Finish them, Celtics.

Conversely, Uber drivers make up stories about things sportswriters tell them.

Where are all the yellow seats, Dale? Reinstall them!

Best bet for the weekend: The Patriots doing something cringe on Cinco de Mayo.

The Aggregator Vanishes.

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Bill James, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. And I can’t get away. To Live and Die in L.A.

And happy birthday to actress Joy Harmon, who you may remember from this scene in ‘Cool Hand Luke’.

4/24/24 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

Posted on by Leave a comment

Busy sports night tonight. And tomorrow!

So, you see, Boston is a city in the United States, which is a different country than Canada, where Toronto is located.

Robert may have yappa-yappa-yappa’d himself out of a spot in the HoF this year? You hate to see it.

Was that foul on Tatum by Martin an example of Heat Culture?

You can win a hockey game scoring only two goals, but you’re more likely to lose.

In short, go to Pittsburgh to catch a game or two. Stay at a hotel where you can walk to the park, see a few museums, stroll around. You’ll have a fine time.

Bobby Orr has looked exactly the same for forty years.

You don’t have to actually watch the Pat McAfee Show, you can follow one of those transcription services. Alex Barth, for example.

Zach Wilson getting traded to the weed capitol of the US is an absolute meme.

Pavel Zacha for Erik Haula – Sweeney’s deal with the Devil(s).

Hey Kevin Maggiore ..Bruins better win this series ..because if they don’t ..they will be consequences

Dave McCarty, he’s with La Schelle Tarver now. RIP to both.

Cakes are cooking for Shirley MacLaine, Rob Hyman, Eric Bogosian, Vince Ferragamo, Michale O’Keefe, Stuart Pearce, Cedric the Entertainer, Dino Radja, Omar Vizquel, Stacy Haiduk, Todd Jones, Ken Klee, Chipper Jones, Lee Westwood, Kelly Clarkson, and Ashleigh Barty.

The lady who plays the lead in those The Nun movies must be freaking stoked when they announce another sequel.

So Gregg Doyel made a fool of himself? What is this, 2015?

The New England Revolution strengthened their backline on Tuesday after trading for 2019 MLS Cup winner Xavier Arreaga from Seattle Sounders FC in exchange for a 2025 international roster slot and up to $75,000 in cash.

Congratulations to Tim ‘Sarge’ McKane on the permanent third banana spot middays.

High stick! Wrong thread.

Hanging off the side of a 20-story building grinding metal in the rain. This is the kind of thing I chose to get good at in life

Blue Line Reminder: Through April 28 Shuttle Buses replace service between Airport and Wonderland due to track work.

A lonesome death? Either multiple people beat the life out of him, or his girlfriend ran him over. Either way he was surrounded by people. And perhaps a dog.

Hello Gang of car petting baggers! This week’s Phrase that Pays is, “It’s stupid and frankly gross.”

If I were a goose I’d be a mute one. Honking is so embarrassing.

One other thing about Hubie Brown: anyone who has attended a Hubie basketball clinic or lecture has come away spellbound.

You think Mike Silver still thinks about kissing Wendy Peffercorn?

Rooting for the Red Sox these days is kind of like driving an old beater that you never get serviced. It runs great for a few days, and then something happens, and you have a week of borrowing your brother’s truck.

Father Time Stumped The Schwab.

FYI: Ham salad from Brentwood NH is worse than any bologna I’ve ever had. Just saying.

Instead of ‘doggos’, just say dogs. It’s shorter.

Memories
Light the corners of my mind.
Misty watercolor memories
Of the way we were.

Scattered pictures
Of the smiles we left behind.
Smiles we gave to one another,
For the way we were.

Ever wonder why bread can be in a plastic bag but we can’t pack groceries in plastic bags?

RIP Lawrence M. Krause III.

Working in sports = never not working.

You’ve gotta be a little nuts to be a beekeeper. There isn’t enough money in the world you could pay me to do that.

Not nearly enough people played Horizon Zero Dawn.

Honk if you remember Argeo Paul Cellucci.

Paul Bissonnette is blacker than Deuce Tatum. What?

Liz put me on to Chappell Roan and idk if it’s the ADHD but I‘ve barely listened to anyone else since.

Ryan Poles on if he’s ready to declare Caleb Williams the Bears 1st overall pick: “We know what we’re gonna do, but everyone’s gonna have to wait until Thursday.”

If you have two black swans…

Sal? Don’t worry about him. He’s living in upstate New York, with a nice, loving family on their engagement farm. Plenty of room for him to run around and cancel people!

Carb loading only sounds like fun until you actually have to do it.

I was listening to the Sox game the other night and one of the sponsors is Chock Full o’ Nuts coffee. Like, what the fuck year is this?

Best bet for the weekend: Messi-Mania!

It’s going to be great when he doesn’t play because of the turf.

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Bill James, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. People who need people. Are the luckiest people in the world.

And Happy Birthday to actress Melinda Clarke.

3/6/24 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

Posted on by 2 comments
Caitlin NMI Clark. Now the all-time leading college basketball scorer. And she did it with a foul shot. Fundamentals!

I’m trying to convince myself that was a scheduled loss for the Celtics, but it feels like a regular loss.

Are the Bruins back on that Overtime foolishness again? I thought we cleared that up last month!

Red Sox might consider just painting BOSTON on the bottom of the AL East standings part of the Green Monster scoreboard. Save an employee some time fiddling with the signs.

I have no worries about the draft. After receiving a few hours of training at the insurance company, Coach Jerod has created a four tab spreadsheet for the draft. He’ll share it with the friendly media at the next beer summit of forgiveness.

Caitlin Clark is going to play for some Panini team in Italy? Weird.

Cakes are cooking for Marion Barry, Ivan Boesky, Cookie Rojas, Kiri Te Kanawa, Hugh Grundy, Martin Kove, Richard Noble, Kiki Dee, Rob Reiner, Eddie Deezen, Tom Arnold, Sleepy Floyd, Carla McGhee, Moira Kelly, Shaquille O’Neal, Greg Ostertag, Ken Anderson, Erik Bedard, and Tyler, the Creator.

How was Episode 5 of The Dynasty not titled ‘Do You Have Any Cassels?’

The way Stilgar was talking about Paul is basically the way Nick Wright talks about LeBron.

Hey gang of engagement farmers! This week’s Phrase that Pays is, “Every time I look at this bitch, I expect her to start belting out ‘Under the Bridge’.”

A UCL injury for Giolito? Can’t eat innings with one of those. It’s like a busted jaw.

You know, sometimes, imposter syndrome is correct.

Little known fact: Tommy Lister’s famous character Deebo is based off a story Ice Cube heard about a man named ‘Bill the G.’

Is there any available wall space that the Japanese don’t advertise on?

What do you mean there was no three-point shot when Pete Maravich played? This changes everything.

What’s your favorite album with a hidden track over 3 minutes and 32 seconds after the final track?

I believe that Jeff Howe believes he’s fighting a courageous battle.

Orange Line Reminder: March 9-10 (This weekend) Shuttle Buses replace service between Forest Hills and Ruggles for signal work. Commuter Rail service will be free to ride between Forest Hills, Ruggles, Back Bay, and South Station.

Does Bill Simmons think Doncic is Serbian?

Hard to think of a family that has had more bad luck of late than the Wakefields. Thoughts to Trevor and Brianna, who are left to go on without their mother and father far too soon.

The O.J. Simpson case was covered by great crime writers like Dominick Dunne and James Ellroy. The Read case has autistic freaks and unemployable delinquents. Just a murderers’ row of ‘tards.

One Kelce down. One to go.

Mark Dondero is worried that the Celtics might lose one out of every 12 games in the playoffs.

It’s the time of the season
When love runs high
In this time, give it to me easy
And let me try with pleasured hands

To take you in the sun
To promised lands
To show you every one
It’s the time of the season for loving

What’s your name? (What’s your name?)
Who’s your daddy? (Who’s your daddy?)
(He rich) is he rich like me?
Has he taken (has he taken)
Any time (any time)
(To show) to show you what you need to live?

Tell it to me slowly
Tell you what
I really want to know
It’s the time of the season for loving.

For the record, I think kombucha tastes absolutely terrible. Unless it makes me immortal, I don’t think I’m going out of my way to drink it again.

With Matthew Slater retiring, it looks like Jabrill Peppers is the new fan favorite of the returning group. A great choice.

Get your servers in order, men of DraftKings.

Jordan Montgomery is now widely believed to be wearing on the last nerve.

Honk if you miss Jimmy Orthwein.

Watched May December last night. That’s two hours of my life I’ll never get back. Movie is just empty, has nothing to say, no insight into its characters, no action. BAD.

Wait another ten years and Bill Simmons will know about gas station kratom!

A: Scissors, duct tape, elastics.

Is it me or Pizza Hut isn’t as good as it used to be? Like it’s alright but I feel like it’s not as good as it was.

That Sydney Sweeney has a certain je ne sais quoi. Perhaps two.

The two most famous Mickey’s in America are Mickey Mouse and Mickey Mantle.

No, Ryan Mallet was decidedly unavailable.

Do you know what Kate Middleton did the last 14 years of her life? Counterintelligence. Kate’s gone. There is no Kate.

Hearing from multiple sources that some trades may happen on trade deadline week.

Blitzing my way through the Apple TV shows after signing on for The Dynasty, and those twunts on Ted Lasso and Slow Horses say twat all wrong!

Back-to-back threes put the Celtics back in control versus Golden State. Bob Ryan must have hated that.

Have fun in Mid-America, UMass. Or something.

Did they dedicate a picnic table to John and Gerry down to Spring Training?

Congratulations to Captain Brian.

Rigor Mort?

Best bet for the weekend: YOU forgetting to set your clock ahead.

Mix it up with The15’s elite Elk Cavalry at your peril.

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Bill James, Old Friend BBtL, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. Handle with care, the digital ink is still wet on this edition.

And happy birthday to actress Connie Britton, of Spin City, Friday Night Lights, and Nashville fame.

2/21/24 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

Posted on by Leave a comment
JACKIE SLATERSON.

The Patriots new coaching staff is big enough to need its own post office and fire department.

Wow. That Nick Gemelli guy is somehow less funny than Plain Black Hat.

Notorious social butterfly Larry Bird.

The Red Sox roster looks pretty well set going into spring training. They just need to find the right people to fill in the last 17 or 18 roster spots.

Hey, Jaylen didn’t dribble the ball off his leg during the dunk contest!

William Byron won the Daytona 500 after rain forced the rescheduling of the event to Monday? That’s what happens when you build a racetrack so close to the Great Lakes.

We will take a shootout win to semi-salvage the homestand, Bruins. Good luck on the road trip.

Dan Shaughnessy had heart surgery? What, they finally gave him one?

Cakes are cooking for Bob Ryan, Tyne Daly, Olympia Snowe, Jerry Harrison, William Peterson, Kelsey Grammer, Alan Trammell, Jake Steinfeld, Chuck Palahniuk, Terry Allen, Wish Bone, Ashley Greene, and Phil Jones.

UMass won that one for “Trigger” Burke. RIP.

Just left the grocery store and I have a take: There are too many kinds of apples now. Not saying we should go back to just red but the number of options is confusing. Around 5 types of apples are enough.

It rocks that Sabrina Ionescu did that. great accomplishment. super fun. very rad event.

Hey gang of attention seekers, his week’s Phrase that Pays is, “How do you look at a baby and name it Kirk?”

Tony Mazz: ‘Caitlin Clark is the real deal.’ You think so, doctor?

I’m sure Mrs. Looch regrets saying whatever it was that made him angry. Please respect their privacy at this time.

Billionaires will always- always – billionaire.

Red Line: Delays of about 10 minutes due to an earlier medical emergency at Park St. Trains may stand by at stations.

It’s funny that running only one mile per day didn’t do shit.

Bill looks like he’d rather be watching video of Linda getting her implants removed than being interviewed for The Dynasty documentary.

Going forward, there needs to be a 100 NBA minutes played that season minimum to participate in the dunk contest.

Yeah, I’m very much enjoying Heel Rock.

Why was Market Basket so crowded on Monday? was it because of the holiday and school vacation?

Caitlin Clark must get so much clam.

News item: Iditarod’s reigning rookie of the year disqualified from 2024 race for violating conduct standard. Also; the Iditarod has a conduct standard.

Steering with her knees, she’s got both hands free.
Using cruise control you know, reaching over she likes to tease.

She said, “Ride-
Rev it up, rev it up, little boy and ride”
She said, “Let’s ride-
Rev it up, rev it up, little boy and ride”

Just use your body, don’t need to hitch-hike
When you ride with me little boy take it any way you like.

Remember that period in the 1980s when there would be two or three new baseball movies every year? That was fun.

The Raiders are hiring former Dolphins head coach Joe Philbin as their new senior offensive assistant, source said. After spending time as the Cowboys OL coach and the Ohio State senior analyst, Philbin is back in the NFL to lend experience to Antonio Pierce.

Honk if you remember Eric Heiden.

So long Matthew Slater. You only get one of those. Aww yeah.

My favorite winter storm that changes track at the last minute and fizzles out? The next one.

“Oh boy, I’m not even sure I want a farewell tour!” said LeBron out loud to a question no one really asked.

Root canal? Not as painful as expected.

An A for effort from Sony Pictures for the pivot to, ‘Madam Web is SO bad, you HAVE to see it!’

Por vs Para is an important part of knowing Spanish.

National Lacrosse League announcing a relocation mid-season is absolutely wild and also I thought we were just past that kind of stuff.

The wing, that’s an important part of the airplane, right?

Drew not seeing the doc producer’s intent to make him look like an entitled jerk it may as well have been a disguised blitz package.

Best bet for the weekend: a still-smarting from the loss at Creighton UConn vs Villanova in Storrs on the night they retire Rip Hamilton’s jersey.

FFS.

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Bill James, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. Flying Under Radar.

And happy birthday to actress hyphen singer Jennifer Love Hewitt.

1/31/24 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

Posted on by Leave a comment
A famous person dating another famous person? IT’S AN OP!!

Purdy got very lucky on the Aiyuk throw, but you gotta give dude his flowers. He’s been a gamer in the biggest moments this postseason.

Hey, Red Sox fans, who doesn’t love a diversified suite of sports and entertainment holdings?

People care way too much about Taylor Swift at Chiefs games. Her boyfriend plays, of course she’s there. She doesn’t make anyone show her on TV. I watched years of Jack Nicholson at Lakers games and Spike Lee at Knicks games. Nobody seemed to think it was the end of the world.

I think it’s time to end the Brian Scalabrine experiment. We’ve taken this as far as we can.

Kyle Shanahan was born in 1979. He should have to bend the brim of his hat.

Karl Anthony Towns is KAT. Derrick White is The Catalyst.

Cakes are cooking for Charlie Musselwhite, Jonathan Banks, Nolan Ryan, Kelly Lynch, Kelly Moore, Minnie Driver, Portia de Rossi, Jim Kleinsasser, Kerry Washington, Justin Timberlake, and Yuniesky Betancourt.

Oh goodness no, Lamar. That’s a disaster.

70 ain’t what it used to be. That said it’s still insane when dudes get there.

Well, even if you don’t much care for Kansas City, a Harbro losing must dull the pain somewhat.

Jeff Goodman, he seems well adjusted.

‘Eye test’ is now a phrase people who have no idea what they are watching use to sound like they know football.

It’s nearly 3 weeks later, has the great big emergency at the cardboard factory been straightened out yet?

Probably wouldn’t fuck your knees up if you wore appropriate footwear you silly cvnt.

I prefer Linebacker Reasons rather than Safety Reasons.

I’m told Jim Harbaugh remains in the building at the facility, as I type this, per source. #Chargers

Belichick to the Chiefs? Why would Andy Reid retire? It’s not like he has any more sons that can die or go to jail.

Just heard “Stacy’s Mom” in spatial audio and I almost teared up.

Curt Menefee is Great Value James Brown.

Justin Turner and his representatives reached out but could not get the Red Sox interested enough to engage in talks. He will be a significant, needed addition for the Blue Jays.

I love Elephants, amazing video.

I don’t get this Cerrone Battle thing. He lives in Raleigh. Are there no black guys living in greater Boston who are qualified to act as a human shield for 98.5’s on air racism?

Hey gang of Ocean State disbelievers, this week’s Phrase that Pays is, “The Voluntown-Exeter War will be bloody and pointless.”

Gronk talks like he’s concocting a story by looking at items scattered throughout a room.

Be more desperate to find an alcoholic who peaked in high school that will tune you up once or twice a month. You can’t.

Better recurring letdowns by the C’s in the third quarter than in the fourth, I guess.

Baby-baby, I’ll meet you,
Same place, same time,
Where we can get together
And ease up our mind.

Oh, do a little dance, make a little love;
Get down tonight, woo! Get down tonight, hey!
Do a little dance, make a little love.
Get down tonight, get down tonight, baby.

Craig Carton went to prison for a Ponzi scheme. He seems trustworthy.

Disappointed in the lack of gratuitous lesbian sex in the first episode of the new season of Hightown.

No matter what else he does, Dante will always be Rufio to me.

Honk if you remember Aqua Teen Hunger Force.

Competent people outside the organization aren’t exactly lining up to work for Jonathan and Robyn, are they?

I like Jan’s tweets. They’re very informative.

Fenway Sports Group doubtless brings Joe Mooney’s lifetime of groundskeeping experience to their partnership in the LIV/PGA merger.

Nobody told you the Celtics weren’t ever going to trade Brogdon.

It might be time to retire and repurpose my Dave Meggett fan account.

Sometimes it’s easy to forget Gary Tanguay wrote the most disturbing book of all time.

I’m sure eventually Lamar Jackson will have more playoff wins and AFCCG appearances than Ryan Tannehill.

Mutual partings of the ways; they happen in Foxborough and even in Tewksbury, Danny.

Have you signed up for Bruce Allen’s newsletter at BSMW.email yet? First one’s free.

Time for Cam Achord to follow his true calling: selling me percs in 2006.

Jimy Williams. He feuded with Carl Everett and called Christopher Nixon, ‘Drut.’ RIP.

Best bet for the weekend: Good Kid Pasta scoring in the NHL All Star Game.

Nice hat, stupid.

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Peter Gammons, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. Oh, that’s the way, uh-huh, uh-huh I like it, uh-huh, uh-huh.

And happy birthday to Italian actress Daniela Bianchi, best known as Tatiana Romanova in From Russia With Love.
Recent Entries »