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12/11/24 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

Posted on December 11, 2024 by scartsy15 Leave a comment

Mark Dondero will be visited by three spirits on Christmas. It will be his highest-rated show ever.

I was told Adam Hart’s relevance wasn’t tied to Belichick.

So I guess it would be fair to suggest that Foxboro and Mansfield left it all on Martinelli Field on Turkey Day? Still, congrats to our lone champion, North Attleboro, but also thanks to Mansfield, Foxboro and King Philip for their outstanding seasons. On to courts and rinks.

Drew Carter actively tried to get Scalabrine fired by asking him why Jay Huff is sneaky athletic.

The performative outrage about Aroldis Chapman didn’t last very long.

Pam Oliver looks like Roscoe Lee Brown with a weave.

Bruins done got Winnipegged.

I still think Dartmouth and not University Park when I hear ‘SMU.’

The Parkers giving their kid a zeppelin for Christmas of ‘40 is kinda problematic. Was the Old Man a Lindbergh guy?

Bet Bryan wishes he just admitted to being Jake.

Cakes are cooking for Rita Moreno, David Gates, Donna Mills, John Kerry, Brenda Lee, Lynda Day George, Brad Bryant, Jermaine Jackson, Stu Jackson (no relation), Mike Mesaros, Nikki Sixx, Lisa Gastineau, Mary Beth Zimmerman, Darryl Jones, Mike Henneman, Ben Browder, Cosy Sheridan, Dave Gagner, Dave Schools, Justin Currie, Thomas Howard, Jay Bell, Martin Blunt, DJ Yella, Mo’Nique, Sean Grande, Errict Rhett, Willie McGinest, Daniel Alfredsson, Mos Def, Rey Mysterio, Gerben de Knegt, Rider Strong, Zacky Vengance, Samantha Ponder, and Malcolm Brogdon.

I’m hearing that The Civ Report is doing Girl at the Game type numbers!

No buzz in here about the MLB draft lottery??

Being from Roslindale and ending up in Randolph is like being born on 2nd base and ending up on 1st.

The Hawk Tuah Girl’s cybercurrency thing wasn’t called, ‘SpitCoin?’ No wonder it crashed.

Orange Line: Delays of about 10 minutes due to a signal problem near Wellington.

What a collection of talent we have. We’re the fucking LA Dodgers of trolls, except all the money is deferred forever.

When an official gets hurt, I think the broadcast referee expert should suit up and take his spot.

Still not sure I can trust a guy named Ollie.

Hey gang of talentless journeymen, this week’s Phrase that Pays is, “”I’m on my fourth team in five years. I think I know a little something about how the NFL works, Troy.”

Dart Adams? Still boring.

My current belief is that Gemini sometimes runs real simulations, but sometimes reports the results of hallucinated simulations. Which is obviously a problem.

I just found a bargain on a Canucks shirt on Fanatics.

Accidentally made my nephew cry by telling him I saw the elf on the shelf drinking from the toilet.

No better place to rehab your damaged image from racist emails than with Barstool.

I saw Wicked and that shit bangs so hard. It fucking rocks.

Yeah, we hate our lives, not the twin slobs who mainline 14 hours of sports radio a day.

Stockton got smoked.

A yellow ESPN alert on the ticker during a football game will never not fool me that there’s a flag.

In the future, everyone will rug a memecoin for fifteen minutes.

Azzez Al-Shaair hit Trevor Lawrence like, I don’t know, a plane hitting some sort of tall building.

Seriously, though, when is the award-winning Kendra Middleton on the radio?

Rockin’ around the Christmas tree at the Christmas party hop.
Mistletoe hung where you can see every couple tries to stop.
Rockin’ around the Christmas tree, let the Christmas spirit ring.
Later, we’ll have some pumpkin pie, and we’ll do some caroling.

You will get a sentimental feelin’
When you hear.
Voices singin’, “Let’s be jolly (ooh)
Deck the halls with boughs of holly.”

Rockin’ around the Christmas tree, have a happy holiday.
Everyone dancin’ merrily in the new old-fashioned way.

For 2025, Wilyer Abreu vs. Teoscar H is kind of a 50/50 proposition. Over the next 3 years, Wilyer will have twice as much value as Teoscar. Over 5 years, three times as much.

As a bit of a fragrance expert (I am a collector) I will be testing this Trump perfume out and reviewing it.

You can have your Dame Time. I’ll take my Holiday Time.

Sources: The New England Revolution are set to name Gillette as their new jersey sponsor. This deal has been in the works for some time.

Honk if you remember the JFK Lufthansa Heist.

Time for another December of ‘who the fuck are these people that sent us a Christmas card?’

You took what’s yours, Shawsheen Tech Rams.

Everything that you are involved in, please do the research and learn to educate yourself.

‘Chuck Terrific’ is the name DJ Bean uses at the glory holes.

Remember if you see standing water on the road you can probably get through it – it’s probably not as deep as you think.

Commissioner Silver’s performance as Nosferatu is Oscar-worthy.

I can’t believe that WEEI interviewed a guy who spent a month on the Patriots in 2005 as a Belichick expert. Well, I guess I can.

All the fanciest domiciles have “unit” in the address.

I have a Chinese symbol for the word foot tattooed on my foot.

Larry Fitz Senior is the black Curt Schilling.

Best bet for the weekend: the Kansas City Chiefs win by two scores for a change.

*“I asked Coach Tomlin if he expects Russell Wilson to return. He said, ‘most likely’, then blinked a lot. Back to you guys.”*

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Red Six, Bill James, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. Just to win the love of a girl like you.

*And happy birthday to actress-singer Hailee Steinfeld.*

11/27/24 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

Posted on November 27, 2024 by scartsy15 Leave a comment

Jaylen is so ripped watching him guard fatty Harden makes it look like he’s guarding Shukri Wright.

The Red Sox were in on Snell. Okay.

If you were one of those folks who took it upon themselves to put a bunch of campaign signs all over the place, I genuinely appreciate your dedication to democracy, no matter whom you backed. But it’s been a week. Go clean up your deal.

If Bill was still working for the Krafts there’s no way he’d be allowed to print in color.

Good showing, RIFC. Get ’em next time.

He’s actually a great guy, great dad, great coach. I’ve watched him break up potential fights before they happened. So instead of 2 dads spend the weekend in prison, Greg controlled the situation. He is a very nice man and a pillar of the community, he volunteers his time.

When my mom knows the Patriots’ personnel better than the offensive coordinator something is very wrong (Granted, she’s also a diehard who rocks a Hannah jersey, but still…)

You can tell that Civian hates all the unwanted attention she gets, because she continually seeks the unwanted attention.

Cakes are cooking for Kathryn Bigelow, Curtis Armstrong, Bill Nye*, William Fichtner, Caroline Kennedy, Mike Scioscia, Steve Oedekerk, Charlie Benante, Mike Bordin, Fisher Stevens, Robin Givens, Fiachna O’Braonáin, Garry Valk, Nick Van Exel, Jon Runyan, Martin Gramatica, Chad Kilger, Jaleel White, Jimmy Rollins, Ricky Carmichael, Alison Pill, Lashana Lynch, and Omar Jimenez.

Yams and sweet potatoes are interchangeable and don’t let anybody tell you different.

Right-hand catching goalies always look like they’re playing with borrowed equipment haha. But Askarov having nice debut for SJ.

Did you see Football Cat’s Picks? Well why not?

I know this is simple math, but doesn’t Hardy-Weinberg equilibrium follow from expansion of the generating function (p*x + q*y)^2? Allele frequency remaining constant follows from renormalization, as expected number of x alleles is 2p and y alleles is 2q.

If you consider the old Browns and the Ravens to be the same franchise, then all 32 NFL franchises have spent at least one week in last place of DVOA since 1979.

Blue Line Update: Normal service has resumed between Wonderland and Orient Heights.

Is Sacco up to the awesome responsibility of coaching the Centennial Game?

Kadlick/Kyles is the new Paxton/Pullman.

Is Frosty Bias on Bluesky? I need assurances that I’ll be reminded daily that Reggie Lewis and Len Bias are dead.

Hey gang of amphibious Spaniards! This week’s Phrase that Pays is, “I would tongue that ass til I tasted Fall River.”

I am not a Christmas girlie, but having siblings with kids makes it way more fun.

News Item: Bertucci’s is debuting a brand new concept, and its first location will be in Boston.

How am I the least chill guy on Twitter?!

Man, it seems like the Lions and the Cowboys play EVERY Thanksgiving!

After all the jacks are in their boxes
And the clowns have all gone to bed
You can hear happiness
Staggering on down the street
Footprints dressed in red
And the wind whispers
“Mary.”

All the suckers getting to the airport early means you can get there 55 minutes before your flight leaves.

Honk if you think Ted Williams should have won the 1941and 1947 AL MVP Award.

Sam Kennedy would like you to know that the Sox are just so darn disappointed Snell decided to go with another offer but that coming this spring to America’s favorite ballpark you can get a Guy Fieri smash burger and a cup of New England’s favorite Legal Seafood chowder for only $89!

ESPN putting out playoff rankings every week that are 100% meaningless and using that as an excuse to do a segment where Paul Finebaum yells about it is terrorism.

Does the Herald still run ‘Clip’ Callahan’s HS football article every Thanksgiving?

Bit of a stumble out of the gates for UConn MBB.

Is Bill James okay?

Breaking: Daniel Jones to sign with Vikings’ practice squad after release from Giants, per sources.

Best bet for the weekend: Open Newbury: Holiday Stroll! Join us for car-free shopping and holiday fun on Sunday, December 1, and Sunday, December 8. Fun!

Anyone who false starts is *a Patriots offensive lineman. Anyone that commits holding is a well-disciplined Patriots offensive lineman.*

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, BSMW‘s Lazslo Panaflex, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. You want it all, but you can’t have it (yeah, yeah, yeah) It’s in your face, but you can’t grab it (yeah, yeah, yeah)

*Jeanne Crane and friend wish you a Happy Thanksgiving.*

11/7/24 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

Posted on November 7, 2024 by scartsy15 Leave a comment

*Good for Mookie. Bad for Red Sox Ownership.*

Well, Suzyn, um, in life…

No way that wasn’t an illegal screen no matter what Marc Davis and whatever Knicks or Nets fans were reviewing the play from New York thought. Shameful.

The game was over as soon as the Dodgers tied it with that five-run outburst. Falling behind for a few minutes was just a minor bump in the road. Some of you know nothing about momentum and body language and it shows

Halloween happens every time The NY Jets play.

The Pivetta qualifying offer makes perfect sense. On Bizarro World!

Lamelo Ball looks like emo John Oates.

Cakes are cooking for Johnny Rivers, Joni Mitchell, Alex Ribeiro, David Petraeus, Christopher Knight, Liam Ó Maonlaí, Calvin Borel, Andre Hastings, Emily Lesueur, Dan Houser, Yunjin Kim, Kris Benson, Tarek Salah, Marcus Luttrell, Mark Philippoussis, Mike Commodore, Will Demps, Adam Devine, Elsa Hosk, Courtney Marie Andrews, and Lorde.

The only reason Gabrielle Starr wanted to get to the press box was so she could literally look down on people instead of just figuratively.

I’m gonna glaze Wemby when he’s playing like this in May Not October.

Alley-oops from the floor? Ok, Ja! Ok!

Hey Gang of immortals, this Week’s phrase That pays is, “Sal, It’s a sports Bonanza.”

Red Line Reminder: November 5-10 Shuttle buses replace service between Broadway & North Quincy for track work. Commuter Rail will be fare-free between South Station & Braintree.

I’m sorry. . .who exactly has been disrespecting Tom Brady?

Absolutely stacked country new music friday last wk.

Ordway’s way of saying stuff like he’s smart but being a gigantic dummy is infuriating.

Paul Pierce’s wheelchair thought Mahomes needing two people to help him off the field was ridiculous.

I was seriously considering Switching to Rich. Alas.

Drake Maye is tall. Got a big arm.

News Item: Australian breakdancer Raygun announces retirement following viral performance at Paris Olympics.

The Bruins aren’t a .500 team.

Oh sure. Like Jason Kelce never called Travis a faggot.

She had hair like Jeannie Shrimpton back in 1965.
She had legs that never ended,
I was halfway paralyzed.
She was tall and cool and pretty, and she dressed as black as coal.
If she asked me to, I’d murder, I would gladly lose my soul.

Now I lie in bed and think of her.
Sometimes I even weep.
Then I dream of her behind the wall of sleep.

Gerrit Cole is the mentally weakest ‘Ace’ since Roger Clemens.

I like Twitter because it combines my two favorite forms of communication: texting, and throwing a note in a bottle out into the sea.

Honk if you remember Jeanne Zelasko.

Michael Hurley looks like a Rob Ninkovich you bought off Temu.

Run, Bobby Dalbec! Be free!

Florida has announced that it won’t be making a head coaching change and is sticking with Billy Napier.

Bucs, you should have gone for two.

I bet they’re really going to boo the next time the Warriors play in Boston.

Best bet for the weekend: Hunter Henry being dependable.

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Emo Phillips, Bill James, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. The dark side’s coming now, nothing is real. She’ll never know just how I feel.

*And happy birthday to the first supermodel, England’s Own Jean Shrimpton. Here seen in a 1965 photo.*

*My colonoscopy you ask? It went fine. As healthy and pink as Kevin ‘The Hammer’ McNamee!*

10/30/24 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

Posted on October 30, 2024 by scartsy15 Leave a comment

Monday was really more a Sports Syzygy than a Sports Equinox. IMO.

Guys, here’s some inside info, Patriots media has been getting pizza for decades. Usually on Wednesdays. Only in season.

That Freeman cat has to be the odds-on favorite to win World Series MVP.

No pressure Bruins, but there are hundreds of young ladies on social media who have tied their mental well-being to your win/loss record.

I just read Taylor Mathis for the articles.

I’m not sure it’s fair or ethical for Shams to use his contacts in the ISI to break NBA news.

Imagine running someone over and getting to grift via Vanity Fair. White bitches have the easiest life.

Cakes are cooking for Grace Slick, Otis Williams, Henry Winkler, Timothy B. Schmit, Harry Hamlin, Charles Martin Smith, Mario Testino, Shanna Reed, Kevin Pollak, Danny Tartabull, Mark Portugal, Michael Beach, Gavin Rossdale, Quin Snyder, TY Detmer, Masanori Hikichi, Snow, Ben Bailey, Dino Philyaw, James Pedro, Nia Long, Patrice Tardif, Ian Snell, Ivanka Trump, Trent Edwards, Thomas Morgenstern, Ashley Graham, Nastia Liukin, Marcus Mariota, and Cale Makar.

Headline: Cryptobros Con Curvaceous Clod

Mel Brooks is going to outlive everyone who was in his movies.

I think if they give Aaron Boone a few more years he’ll finally figure it out.

Did you guys hear Pritchard played pick up with some random kid?

The WNBA going to a seven game finals next season really opens up the field for some devastating knee injuries.

Red Line Update: This delay has cleared.

A player who drives in 100 runs in a season will drive in runs in 60-61 separate games, on average. On the other hand, a player who scores 100 runs in a season will score a run in about 75 games, on average.

I really don’t know what I’d do without Doughboy being open 24 hours. We must protect that establishment at all costs.

Taylor Mathis went full Allbright.

Hey gang of malignant narcissists! This week Phrase that Pay is, “Do our WORD mean anything anymore?”

Just had an EPIC 30 minute ride with my son. Nice back and forth. He started with someone named Playboy Carti(not a fan). I countered w/Biggy. He went Lil Uzi (a fan), I went Tu PAC. He came back with Future(a fan). I closed him out with Ice Cube.

Rumor: Jerod Mayo is being brought on as Kirk Minihane’s new producer.

After Henson replaced him against Notre Dame, Tom put the lyrics to Crash Into Me in his AOL away message.

I hate gay halloween what do you mean you’re a complete piece of shit?!?

Cashman having the job for life is kinda wild. I mean I would have been fine letting Bill have it for life, but how do the Yankees keep a GM that hasn’t won in 15 years?

Tony Brothers should never officiate another game ever again.

I bet I would be the best-looking dude at my high school reunion if they had bothered to invite me to it which they did not.

Where are all the Ted Sarandis voters, caller?

Am I the only person who likes Rockstar’s game design, even if it is outdated? I play Rockstar games for their specific experience, which no other developer does for me. GTA. Bully. Red Dead. You play them for the Rockstar experience.

I miss Taylor’s terrible gambling advice. And her boobs.

Look at us baby, up all night.
Tearing our love apart.
Aren’t we the same two people
Who lived through years in the dark?

Every time I try to walk away.
Something makes me turn around and stay.
And I can’t tell you why.

All the best criminals hire professionals to dispose of evidence 18 months after the crime in full view of the public.

Fun Fact: the world population reached three billion in 1960.

No, because it’s a random Tuesday night and I’m sobbing thinking about how the Celtics arguably needed to trade Marcus Smart to ultimately go on and win the Championship, but it just seems so unfair he couldn’t be there to win one with them.

The vampire bat has a scary name but does much good, eating up to twice its weight in vampires every year.

Dudes don’t have birthday weeks.

Do you think someone could solve the Isabella Stewart Gardner Museum heist if they increased the reward money to, say, fifty times the current amount?

Honk if you remember The Rumble in the Jungle.

News Item: Red Sox hiring Rays director of predictive modeling Taylor Smith to a high-ranking front office role, likely as an assistant GM. Gas up the duckboats, boys!

Bert Breer thinks I’m using ‘I’ and ‘me’ too much this column.

Please get up, Taylor Hendricks.

Every Yankee fan looks like the third drawing in the ‘evolution of man’ procession.

Was someone clamoring for a Gladiator sequel?

Best bet for the weekend: you gaining an hour of sleep.

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Emo Phillips, Bill James, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. Don’t you want somebody to love? Don’t you need somebody to love? Wouldn’t you love somebody to love? You better find somebody to love.

*And happy birthday to French actress and model Clémence Poésy.*

10/16/24 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

Posted on October 16, 2024 by scartsy15 Leave a comment

The Greatest 20 Point Loss in Team History.

In the event of a Subway Series, will the New York celebrities get assigned a rooting interest at random?

The Celtics are the top team in town…until something changes.

“It’s October! It’s costume month!” – Broads. Probably.

Being a Patriots captain is like being the drummer for Spinal Tap.

‘Look What You Made Me Do’ after a Celtics win hits hard. The most disrespected Champions of all time are on a mission this year. I can’t wait.

Bruins: 41-41 here we come?

I know I’m in the super minority, but AVP had a good day Sunday- and while the discord today is typical, it’s also frivolous.

Cakes are cooking for Bob Weir, David Zucker, Falcão, Sue Pedersen, Tony Carey, Melissa Belote, Roger Phegley, Tim Robbins, Gary Kemp, Bob Mould, Val Skinner, Billy Taylor, Durga McBroom, Flea, Missy Hyatt, German Titov, Tom Tolbert, Joe Murphy, Wendy Wilson, Chad Grey, Darius Kasparaitis, Jermaine Lewis, Paul Kariya, Kellie Martin, John Mayer, Mary Halvorson, Sue Bird, Bryce Harper, and Naomi Osaka.

A nice tribute to Johnny and the other one by the Blue Jackets.

Brian Burns is showing why the Rams were willing to give up two first-round picks for him a few years ago. A massive talent.

Imagine if you had an ambidextrous schizophrenic pitcher? It would be like having two players for the price of one.

Why did I even buy a motorcycle off Temu?

The worst Boston free-agent walk-away since Carlton Fisk? Dave Goucher.

The advertising budgets for some of these Big Pharma psychosomatic drug commercials is outrageous.

Get your plants and veggies in before Thursday.

Do the Jaguars have a deeply discounted season ticket program for pretend bisexuals?

Hey Six Sigma gang, this week’s Phrase that Pays is, “People who try & place catchy names on any process show they really aren’t doing shit.”

Orange Line Reminder: Service has resumed between North Station and Back Bay. Shuttle Buses will operate between Back Bay and Forest Hills through Oct 20. Commuter Rail alternates are available.

It will never not be funny to me that my phone autocorrects Brissett to brisket, no matter how many times I type it. #lol

My toxic trait is that I keep sleeping with my window open because I love the cold but get mad when I wake up with my sinuses in absolute shambles.

You can see the mornin’, but I can see the light
Try, try, try, let it ride
While you’ve been out runnin’, I’ve been waitin’ half the night
Try, try, try, let it ride

And would you cry if I told you that I lied
And would you say goodbye, or would you let it ride?
And would you cry if I told you that I lied
And would you say goodbye, or would you let it ride?

Joe Murray runs his own show but has to do his own headlines too. That’s hardcore, man. Props to you brother.

Ethel is such a hot name.

“Three Kings” ran in one big theater. We had a one-night premiere screening of “Drive Me Crazy”. I was in HELL that night. We had “American Beauty” in one theater, “Random Hearts” in one theater & opened “Fight Club” in one of our big theaters. We had to swap “Random Hearts.”

The Texans could have showed up wearing their lettermen jackets and still won.

They’re not even gonna try to fix the Trop with clear plastic sheeting and a whole mess of Flex Seal?

Honk if you remember Baby Jessica.

SF49’ers sign a kicker who could play against the Chiefs on Sunday after his missed playoff kick in January was a reason they played the Chiefs in Super Bowl LVIII.

A Hockey Club sandwich would hit the spot right now.

Peter King says Lamar Jackson calls him “Mr. Peter”. I don’t think that’s the token of respect Fatty thinks it is.

Bruins fandom needs more Laurens.

It would be fun if, when a baseball team fires six coaches, they would be required to file a five-page report on each firing, explaining in detail what it was that that coach did wrong.

If you aren’t sure what a phrase means, maybe hold off on using it.

Best bet for the weekend: Pats depart Wembley as winners.

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Bill James, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. Takitaki!

*BdlG. So Fall-coded. She had a birthday this week too. Or will have one. So mysterious!*

9/25/24 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

Posted on September 23, 2024 by scartsy15 Leave a comment

Any time you can needlessly accelerate your coaching succession plan by two years you have to do it.

The best NFL broadcasts come from the website where I buy $3 knockoff USB chargers that may or may not catch fire.

Anyone who used “Woj Bomb” unironically is an asshole.

I’ve thought about starting my day watching the Vince McMahon documentary. But not sure I have it in me this early.

It’s not a rivalry if the same side keeps winning!.

Is it me or is there a ton of injuries already this NFL season?

Major Red Sox uniform news: The Red Sox will unveil a City Connect 2.0 uniform in 2025 and will no longer wear their blue alternate jerseys. Given the popularity of the yellow uniforms, they have elected to keep it as a core uniform offering for the foreseeable future.

Cakes are cooking for Michael Douglas, Gil Morgan, Cheryl Tiegs, Anson Williams, Pedro Almodovar, Burleigh Drummond, Mark Hamill, Bob McAdoo, Jimmy Garvin, Jamie Hyneman, Michael Madsen, Scottie Pippen, Will Smith, Catherine Zeta-Jones, David Weathers, Dean Ween, Doug Pelfrey, John Lynch, Bridgette Wilson, Matt Hasselbeck, Chauncey Billups, Rocco Baldelli, Jason Bergmann, Van Hansis, and Cade Cunningham.

What does it say about Emerald Square that a herd of bulls at a carnival there couldn’t get out of the place fast enough?

‘Mirror in the Slideshow ‘ sounds like a Taylor Swift album title.

Tatum gets shit on for everything he does but tattooing a picture of yourself onto your back is wild.

One cheer for the 2024 Red Sox for refusing to quit now despite having previously quit a whole bunch of times.

On Saturday, September 28 only, Red Line Braintree Branch diversion will be expanded to include Ashmont Branch. This allows crews to take advantage of construction equipment in the area to remove a speed restriction on Ashmont Branch.

Should I invest in one entity that historically has never lost money or should I invest in the other entity that has rehab programs akin to alcoholism and drug abuse?

Looks like Mercury Morris’s perfect record of being alive is finally over.

Local 26 Hotel Workers putting on a good display outside the Omni Hotel the last couple days. They’ve had people holding the line overnight. Love a good picket line.

Oh no, Old Friend Trent Brown strained his left fat.

Minority position, I know, but Tanner Houck needs a pitch count like a turtle needs a microphone. In the last two years he has been taken out of countless games when he was pitching great. What he needs is a manager who will tell him “Keep pitching; you’re doing great.”

I’m sorry, Jey Uso is popular, but he isn’t Jeff Hardy popular.

“Wheel of Fortune” puzzles went from ‘Alice In Wonderland’ to ‘Say homes, how’s it hangin’, bruh?’.

You’re right, Bill Belichick sucks. Let the fat fucking deli loser handle things.

Bulletin, Bulletin, Bulletin!!! The semi-functional Shohei Ohtani is piling on. He now is 6/6 with 3 HR, 2 SB and 10 RBI.
We’re not worthy.

Hey gang of the marginally employed, this week’s Phrase that Pays is, ‘Settle down, you fat retard, and go get Adam Jones his Ensure.”

I’m following Depeche Mode on Twittah. Not sure when that happened.

Darnold appears to have escaped an initial injury scare. Massive collective sigh of relief from the 612.

Reiss is only 5’2″–are we sure he can carry that much water?

Fun fact: Today has exactly 12 hours of daylight.

Make a wish baby
Well and I will make it come true
Make a list baby
Of the things I’ll do for you
Ain’t no risk now
In lettin’ my love rain down on you
So we could wash away the past
So that we may start anew…

O’Brien and Youk talking endlessly about hot dogs? Make it stop.

Jrue might also have a tattoo of himself on his back. But how would we know?

Honk if you remember Miss Jean.

Dickie V has so much radiation in him they should call him Chernobyl.

Those Emerald Square bulls were five years too late to ransack the Skycrepers kitchen.

THE BUTCHIE isn’t real and cannot hurt you.

Have we lost perspective on what torn cartilage in your rib cage must feel like?

With the loss of the Athletics, there will be even less there there in Oakland as there was previous.

News Item: Brad Marchand has shed his red noncontact jersey for Bruins practice.

The Padres are the first team in MLB history to turn a triple play to end a game on the day they clinched a postseason berth. Only in baseball, Danny.

Rescue: Hi Surf cancelled yet?

Best bet for the weekend: Red Sox do not win eight in a row and get right back in it.

“So, uh, how bout those bulls in ah, North Attleboro? Didja see that? That chain link fence was more porous, no, er, it was less effective in stopping, erk, them than the Patriots O-Line! Ha. Speaking of steers, try the teriyaki beef skewers. My son is a Marine.“

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Bill James, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. Pick Up The Pieces.

*And a happy Birthday to actress Heather Locklear.*

9/18/24 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

Posted on September 18, 2024 by scartsy15 Leave a comment

So there. For the 5th consecutive autumn, the Red Sox are not going to win the World Series.

Keith Smith; your time is now.

Jay Glazer dresses like a coke dealer in Munchkinland.

Sway my way, don’t come undone.

Congratulations Joe Castiglione on having an impact on Don Orsillo’s incredible career.

The player who seemingly concussed Tua Tagovailoa was Bills safety Damar Hamlin, who ironically died but was brought back to life on a football field two years ago.

Owen Pence is absolutely right. Why hasn’t the WNBA commissioner cured online racism yet?

Mike Reiss’ act was out of fear of Bill. That’s all.

Cakes are cooking for Scotty Bowman, Frankie Avalon, Alex Stepney, Otis Sistrunk, Ken Brett, Kerry Livgren, Darryl Sittler, Rick Pitino, Billy Sims, Peter Stastny, Ryne Sandberg, Martin Beedle, Ricky Bell, Toni Kukoč, Aisha Tyler, Jada Pinkett Smith, Lance Armstrong, Xzibit, Jason Sudeikis, Ronaldo, Alison Lohman, and Annette Obrestad.

Boston Globe Pitchbot makes Civil War Andrew Luck look like Richard Pryor.

Was Assistant Wide Receivers Coach Tiquan Underwood okay with waiving practice squadder Jalen Reagor?

OTOH, Wojnarowski was a sketchy, sniveling horse trader. Good riddance.

Hey gang, this week’s Phrase that Pays is, “At least be good looking if you are going to be so awful.”

Paying $13.50 for terrible sports-writing is what TRUE masculinity looks like.

Have never been the biggest Dwight Howard fan, but you cannot deny how impressive he was tonight on “Dancing With The Stars.”

Orange Line Update: Delays of about 20 minutes due to a signal problem near Wellington. Trains may stand by at stations.

I think the Mike Reiss thing has to do with Patricia. He got really animated when they played a clip of Bill on Brady’s podcast claiming Patricia laid the foundation for the Lions o-line. That then led into Reiss’s need for an apology about the offense the past 2 seasons. These media slobs really hate Patricia. I think the fact that the scribes see Bill “bad mouthing” people now and they are desperate for him to turn on Patricia – which will never happen. It’s all sour grapes and bunched panties.

What I’m going to miss most about Woj is ruining draft picks by tweeting them 5 minutes before they announce them on TV.

Nice work, Team USA winning the Solheim Cup.

Is there a functional mechanism by which MLB could force the White Sox owner to sell the team?

Nothing says the end of summer like a $7 pint of blueberries.

Dive into the technology behind modern stand collar sweatshirts. Learn about advanced fabrics that offer moisture-wicking, breathability, and thermal insulation.

Sources: Patriots are ruling LB Oshane Ximines, OG Sidy Sow, OT Vederian Lowe, and LB Ja’Whaun Bentley OUT for TNF. They will not travel to East Rutherford for the Jets game. In addition, C David Andrews, OT Mike Onwenu, S Jabrill Peppers, and DE Deatrich Wise are being ruled QUESTIONABLE.

Wyc Grousbeck is the definition of what a team owner should be and how they should operate.

Mike McDaniel makes Deuce Tatum look like Bill Duke.

I may not be what the kids refer to as a, “gamer”. But I can still bear Super Mario World for SNES quickly without dying once. And I can beat Mike Tyson’s Punch Out for NES without being KO’d a single time. Take that, young dweebs.

So, Honeycomb, won’t you be my baby?
Well, Honeycomb, be my own.
Got a hank o’ hair and a piece of’ bone.
They made a walkin’, talkin’ Honeycomb.
Well, Honeycomb, won’t you be my baby?
Well, Honeycomb, be my own.
What a darn good life when you got a wife
Like Honeycomb.

There won’t be another Woj. The sports industry has adapted to his presence in mere hopes of making more like him, but he’s the GOAT.

Hockey is right around the corner. Sara Civian remains a free agent.

Chappell Roan tells The Face that she has tried the Hailey Bieber Erewhon smoothie.

Sugar Frosted Chocolate Bombs >>> “CoCoBombs”

Honk if you remember John Garabedian.

Mike McDaniel is gonna dress more and more like a Serbian gangster until this thing gets turned around.

The level of narcissism exhibited by Elle Duncan should require hospitalization.

With this release of Thompkins, it clear to me The Patriots are set to move on from Brady.

I’m putting glitter on a pumpkin. Sorry, loser.

The WNBA is headed back to Portland, with Oregon’s biggest city getting an expansion team that will begin play starting in 2026.

I say this every year, but the first few weeks of the NFL are always a dumpster fire. Ugh.

Best bet for the weekend: Don Sweeney dispatching scouts to the Orient to look into sumo wrestlers as a Plan C.

I’ll tell you what the only thing faster than ‘Mondre out there today were those fighter planes! Hahahaha did you see those? Wow. Anyway I want to be truthfully honest with you all right now. All 29 coaches and Robyn will be joining a Teams meeting at 9 AM sharp to discuss Jacoby. How does that man feel? A 27-step drop back and a 13 yard sack? The man needs to be lifted up. And we will be doing that. Anyway there are Crumbl cookies and Hoodsie cups in the back for you all! Much love.

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Bill James, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. It must have been something you said.

*And Happy Birthday to British model and actress Keeley Hazell.*

7/3/24 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

Posted on July 3, 2024 by scartsy15 Leave a comment

Wow, summer sports doldrums really set in this week, am I right, Michael? Heh heh heh.

Celtics just gonna set it up and run it again? Love to see it.

Matt Grzelcyk will be swapping out the NHL’s original Black and Gold for a different town’s black and gold. Enjoy the Three Rivers, Grizz. Charlestown is forever proud of you no matter. Best of luck, pal.

Just wait until our soccer players are playing in Europe then we’ll be a force to be reckoned with.

I guess Marketa Vondrousova has plenty of unplanned free time now to take in the sights and sounds of London town.

It’s okay Wyc. Lots of us don’t own a sports arena. Thanks for your stewardship of the team.

I am not a fan of all these advancements in AI. I’m worried more people are going to lose their jobs to robots. This World is moving all too fast for me and I just don’t trust AI unless it is being intended for good causes. Plus I hate that the lower-case L and capital i look the same in Twitter font. I’m having a tough time deciding if people are talking about AL or Ai.

Idiot holdouts denying me Supermax Jayson Tatum and Framingham Karen Read in the same week.

Portugal always has awesome uniforms.

Did I tune into day two of the NBA Draft or was that a Make-A-Wish documentary?

Cakes are cooking for Kurtwood Smith, Iain MacDonald-Smith (no relation), Betty Buckley, Dave Barry, Jan Smithers, Frank Tanana, Montel Williams, Stephen Pearcy, Hunter Tylo, Tom Cruise, Greg Vaughn, Moises Alou, Neil O’Donnell, Brian Cashman, Teppo Numminen, Audra MacDonald, Benedict Wong, Shawnee Smith, Teemu Selänne, Shane Lynch, Ludivine Sagnier, Sotirios Kyrgiakos, Olivia Munn, Sebastian Vettel, and Elle King.

One of the things I love about the NHL Draft is how, once round 2 starts, teams just announce picks right there from their tables. Rapid fire.

You know Red Sox fans, if the MLB playoffs started right now, that would be really odd seeing as they haven’t even played the All-Star Game yet.

Hey, gang of grifter ghosters! This week’s Phrase that Pays is, “I got, like, a bunch of felonies, like, that I’m facing. And like, I want them to go away.”

Cumberland Farms upping the coffee price every 6 months is so annoying. They’re not much cheaper than Dunkin anymore.

Don Sweeney? Absolute immunity! Sorrey!!

How many of you remember the expression “three hots and a cot?” Old Army guys would say they joined up to get three hot meals a day plus a place to sleep.

I never seen Lauri Markkanen rockin’ the Adidas slides with the gray Fubu sweatshorts. Ya dig?

‘Esplanade’ is a fun word.

Karen, you’ve really emboldened this bullied kid to talk more openly about shitting his pants.

If I can’t call Nikita Zadorov ‘Big Z’, I will instead call him, Baked Ziti! All abroad!

Take the T on the 4th of July: Subway: Saturday service to 3pm, then weekday. Bus: Sunday service. Commuter Rail & Ferry: Weekend service. FREE subway, bus, CR, and ferry after 9:30 PM.

Are the Free Jacks primed to Free-peat?

I hope NHL Commissioner Gary Bettman is doing okay health-wise. There appeared to be something off at both Game 7 of the Stanley Cup Final and last night at the NHL Draft. I am not a doctor and my opinion on this does not matter, but I hope he’s doing okay.

At least Martin Mull can be reunited with Shifty Shellshock.

There is a small but deadly population of Timber Rattlesnakes in the Greater Boston area, as well as other isolated parts of Massachusetts.

Xander Bogaerts (not playing) and Don Orsillo (as an opposing broadcaster) returning to Fenway Park for the first time really had me in my feels.

Do you think Alan Jackson lubes his cock before he fucks Karen Read in the ass, or does the anal leakage act as enough of a lubricant?

Elephants are famously large. Making larger than life sculptures of them seems like gilding the lily.

Six hardboiled eggs is a perfectly sane breakfast to eat on vacation.

I hope Jared Zero was able to watch the Celtics parade coverage from that nice farm he’s on in upstate New York.

There she stood in the street.
Smiling from her head to her feet.
I said, “Hey, what is this, now baby”, maybe,
Maybe she’s in need of a kiss

I said, “Hey, what’s your name, baby?
Maybe we can see things the same.”
Now don’t you wait or hesitate,
Let’s move before they raise the parking rate.

All right now, baby, it’s all right now.
All right now, baby, it’s all right now.
Let me tell you now.

People regarded Jordan & Pippen as a Batman & Robin situation as opposed to a Superman & Batman partnership and that affected how every other basketball duo was viewed in the past 35 years… Jayson Tatum & Jaylen Brown are more like Iron Man & War Machine or Cable & Deadpool.

Make one joke about an asteroid taking out a bunch a lunatics in pink shirts outside a courthouse and next thing ya know, one week twitter ban. Free speech yada yada yada.

Honk if you know the US President who was born on the Fourth of July.

Patriots just gonna set it up and run it again with Bill the GM’s players? Love to see it.

Gary Striewski signs multi-year extension with ESPN. But not during Pride Month?

76’ers collecting all the slugs. Trust that process.

I have a friend who screws up Rocket Man every time. Instead of “Burning out a fuse up here alone” he says “Burning out a fuse with Cheap Cologne” it drives me nuts.

FSG shoulda brought that Barstool whoah-personality in on Friday so Donny O could get a piece.

Fun Fact: the HP Hood Company maintains several stands of birch trees throughout all six New England states that eventually become the Hoodsie Cup’s iconic wooden spoons.

Know this: ‘Himno Nacional’ sounds like someone Peter Gammons tried to foist on us as a Very Special Person in the late 90s.

What an honor it must be to shake the hand of the deputy commissioner of the NBA at 4:42 on a Thursday afternoon when the Pacers pick you 36th overall.

When are the Bruins going to re-sign Swayman?

I hope that poor performance doesn’t affect the USMNT’s really real top 15 FIFA ranking.

Everybody knows about Joe DiMaggio. You’re a baseball fan if you can explain about Vince and Dom. You may need help is you know about Vince Jr.

Robots counting 18 munchkins would be wild.

Does anyone know a good Vancouver based sports marketing firm? Asking for Jake D.

The social media app is Twitter, the tall building at 200 Clarendon is the John Hancock, and people who own NBA franchises are Owners. GTFO with this governor nonsense.

We sure the Celtics didn’t mean to draft Creighton Scheierman from Baylor?

Some EXCITING news to share on the eve of long holiday weekend ahead: All three Rub Smoke Love rubs are now found in all Massachusetts Hannaford grocery stores!

Best bet for the weekend: Solarcaine.

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Bill James, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. I will be taking next week off for real. Something will run in this place. Enjoy the 4th.

*BdlG wants you to know the beaches are open! Except for the closed ones.*

6/19/24 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

Posted on June 19, 2024 by scartsy15 Leave a comment

Winning is great. Winning that makes everyone else hysterically sad is even better.

No one dotted Dugie? Sad!

Jaylen Brown Finals MVP. He did spend some of that Supermax contract money attending a Sick Handlez Camp!

Willie Mays. You Say Hey, we all say goodbye. OOTG’s.

I’m in tears knowing Bill Russell’s widow was in Dallas for Game 4, and in Boston for Game 5.

Meanwhile, if wasn’t already, Bryson DeChambeau sure seems to have become this weekend what golf is continually seeking: A needle mover.

Dave Brown peacocking from his long dormant & locked Twitter account is peak Dave Brown.

Cakes are cooking for Salman Rushdie, Ann Wilson, Duane Kuiper, Larry Dunn, Kathleen Turner, Paula Abdul, Simon Wright, Mia Sara, Poppy Montgomery, Robin Tunney, Doug Mientkiewicz, Dirk Nowitzki, Garfield the Cat, Zoe Saldana, Jason White, and Macklemore.

Not only was that an all-time US Open, but my daughters wanted to learn more about the game, and I got to talk through the back nine with my dad at the house like we used to do after my tournaments and biggest rounds. Happy Father’s Day, everyone. It was a memorable one over here.

Having proper Sunday night HBO programming back is the best. It dominates social media the next day. We are so back.

Tons of people were helped by Jerry West admitting to being a maniac. Many cases of lives saved. “The Logo” taught me that it’s ok to not be ok.

Orange Line Reminder: Service changes for bridge and track work June 22-23: Shuttle buses replace service between Oak Grove & North Station June 24-30: Shuttle buses replace service between Wellington & North Station. Commuter Rail is fare free between Oak Grove & North Station.

Hopefully the next time all these Patriots greats are together is at RKK’s funeral.

Ime Udoka passed this up for pussy.

I don’t know how long ago Dennis Drinkwater’s seat moved to the aisle but how does he get into it? Does he hop over the back? Need to know.

Will Buck be wearing his Donnie Beardlsey skinsuit on one of the duckboats Friday?

Edmonton has now won twice, a win for each boob flashed by that nice lady.

Suggestion for Friday’s Celtics parade: Reserve one Duck-Boat for Wyc Grousbeck and his band, and play a Dead set to bring Bill Walton into the event. “Ripple” for respect.

Al Horford, aka the Dominican Don Nelson.

Don’t know about you guys, but it’s really scary to think that any one of us could be locked up if we drunkenly backed over a Boston cop. If they can do it to her, they can do it to YOU.

Hey gang of morons, this week’s Phrase that Pays is, “I’m still peeling confetti off me.”

Not great for the Woman In Sports™ brand that a hard 4 who grifts online retards considers herself part of the group.

Uh oh. Cotillo’s back on the soft serve.

Out of Jayson Tatum’s 40 highest priced purchased cards, only 3 were bought this year.

Trying to imagine what Bill’s reaction would have been if Brian, Stephen, or Amanda hade ever brought home a Cheerleader/Entrepeneur/Philosopher to meet dad.

This has been the longest day I wish I had more energy for the Celtics tweets 😦 I’ll be obnoxious all month if they win don’t worry.

‘Riding the side boards’ sounds like a 1940’s euphemism for gay sex.

I just wish Fergie would do every NBA Finals anthem.

The flow of porn spam from the usual suspects on Twitter has disappeared from my feed, and I have mixed feelings now that nobody seems to be trying to scam me. It’s like “wait, am I not worth the effort to try to steal from anymore?”

Abby didn’t need any gay champagne goggles.

Huh. I wonder why Bill forgot to mention the backstabbing rat of an in-over-his-head linebackers coach.

This human Subaru just femsplained to literal DNA forensic scientists the science of forensic DNA detectability.

Bill Clinton don’t become Willie Mays.

Sometimes I just shut up and let my past work talk. I earned these two days off and I’m going to enjoy every, single, minute of it.

PFF geting Betamaxed out of existence wouldn’t be terrible.

My favorite thing about watching women’s basketball is that they actually post up and use low post moves. It’s a lost art in the men’s game.

When the Starks & Baratheons get these blonde freaks up outta here >>>>>

Have the Revs turned a corner?

In the Boston Celtics 17 NBA Championships it has taken them an average of 6.12 games to win in the NBA Finals.

‘Claudia Bellofatto’ is a made-up name.

I can look out from the roof of this building I’m on and see five other buildings that I built. Three of which I saw from steel beam to final clean. I built half this block.

Today would be a great day for the race war to kickoff. Just like the Tet Offensive.

Gonna see the river man.
Gonna tell him all I can
About the plan
For lilac time.

If he tells me all he knows
‘Bout the way his river flows.
And all night shows
In summertime.

Fun Fact: women were disallowed from serving on juries in Massachusetts until 1950.

Somewhere in this town, there are crab legs & I’m gonna go eat more of them than the Rangers had hits Sunday.

Probably a relief to Jerry West that he didn’t have to see another Celtics championship.

Would you rather have one 12-foot statue of Tom Brady or twelve 1-foot statues of Tom Brady?

Narrator: The Mavericks as it turns out did not figure out the Celtics’ scheme.

There are too many withdrawals, no deposit , You can’t grow like that !!!

Wonder if Bill saved Linda’s fake cans for the new girl.

I’ve never figured out how they keep the baseball IN the hat when the hat jumps in the air during that dancing-hat thing where they want you to guess which hat has the ball.

With the Finals being over, how will people now learn that there is a new Bad Boys movie in theaters?

Honk if you remember Brett Hull’s Stanley Cup winning ‘no goal.’

That wasn’t a travel on Prichard’s beyond halfcourt halftime buzzer-beating three, it was a Eurostep.

Linda Cohn is still on TV? Well good for her!

I’m still trying to see ‘likes’ on Twitter like Homer Simpson forgetting to dial the new area code.

It’s really not like Anna Horford to use her brother’s fame to curry favor.

Imagine if Danny and Brad took advice from the radio talking men and the ink-stained wretches. lol

Belichick can probably still kill spiders and open tight jar lids at his age.

Also, I want the repaired Christopher Columbus statue the city is too scared to put back up riding on one of the duckboats.

If The Sports Hub had a Kevin, I think I’d know about it.

Best bet for the weekend: Ocean State Job Lot starts selling the ‘NBA Players Association’ championship merch.

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Dan Kelley, Bill James, and the members of #the15 were used in this column.

*And Happy Birthday to Czech supermodel Veronika Vařeková. Všechno nejlepší k narozeninám!*

6/5/24 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

Posted on June 5, 2024 by scartsy15 Leave a comment

The way I keep it straight is, it’s the ‘Stanley Cup Final’, because final and NHL both end in L, and it’s the ‘NBA Finals’ because basketball and association both contain at least one letter S.

The Red Sox should consider installing a dugout escalator.

The Cooper Flagg race war is going to make this Caitlin shit look positively warm and fuzzy.

Mayo answering a coaching philosophy question is like Trump answering a question about his favorite Bible verse.

What the hell is Dave O’Brien talking about? The only thing preventing Sox fans from really diving in to support them is a 10-game winning streak, a no hitter, or a player hitting 14 HRs in a month. Oh, is that all?

It’s Men’s Mental Health Month, too.

Volunteered to help my wife teach her kindergarten class last Friday. My doctor says I should recover in 4 to 6 weeks!!

There’s nothing white women in their 20s love more than saying they’re bisexual.

As much as a pain in the ass as social media is at times, I’m so thankful I get to keep in touch with my childhood friends. Watching people you have loved at different points in life grow up is so freakin’ cool.

When is the joint Rangers/Knicks “We would have won if…” parade?

Cakes are cooking for Robert Kraft, Colm Wilkinson, John Carlos, Freddie Stone, Laurie Anderson, Ellen Foley, Kathleen Kennedy, Michael “Nicko” McBrain, Kenny G, Richard Butler, Jeff Garlin, Ron Livingston, Izabella Scorupco, Mark Wahlberg, Chuck Klosterman, Lamon Brewster, Zydrunas Ilgauskas, Jason White, Pete Wentz, and Marques Colston.

Every sports radio caller is a proud graduate of Red Auerbach Coaching Academy.

I loved G & R’s ‘Chinese Dentistry’ album.

Fun Fact: Edmonton sits at 53.5461 degrees North. Sunrise, FLA sits at 26.1670 degrees North. The 2024 Stanley Cup Final competitors have the largest difference in latitude of any championship series in the history of North American professional sports.

A great birthday gift for Al Horford? A championship ring with the #DifferentHere

Green Line D Branch and Green Line E Branch: Delays of about 10 minutes due to a wire car performing preventative maintenance on the overhead catenary.

That make-out session with another girl after two and a half hard seltzers in college doesn’t make you bi, toots.

If Nickelback has no fans, I am deceased.

Tucupita Marcano sounds like a Jason Bourne alias to get through security at the airport, or maybe a dessert at Table.

Bill the GM doesn’t get any credit for getting rid of Loose Change Chase Winovich?

Being a kid with rich parents doesn’t seem to be as great as it sounds.

Oh wow the morbidly obese autist is a pedophile?

A mix pack that is 4 different kinds of India Pale Ales is not a mix pack, beer brewing people.

Did Rex Chapman just invent Birthdays?

If anyone needs me tonight, I’ll be dragging a naked and screaming Bob Cousy down Tremont Street while I demand that horrified onlookers “give him his flowers” before he dies.

Hey gang of folks with discerning palates, this week’s Phrase that Pays is, “I bet you eat hot dogs for dinner regularly.”

Everyone forgets the 3OT game against the Suns.

We completed the construction of the first Air Rights project since the 1970’s back in January. We built six stories of a 17-story building over the 93 on-ramp. This would be the second. Nice try though.

Why do geese have 9,000 babies? Do they listen to Marvin Gaye or what??

Rough Game 5, Timberwolves. I hadn’t seen a beating like that in Minnesota since George Floyd.

Perk looks and talks like he’s the Moon in a children’s storybook.

Vaya con Dios, Vanessa Welch and Kate Merrill. Good luck in your future endeavors.

Knock down the old grey wall.
Be a part of it all.
Nothing to say, nothing to see, nothing to do.

If you would give me all
As I would give it to you.
Nothing would be, nothing would be, nothing would be.

No matter where you go.
There will always be a place
Can’t you see it in my face, girl?
Ooh, girl, want you.

If I looked like a black Jocelyn Wildenstein, I would probably be angry all the time too.

Honk if you remember Hip Zepi USA.

A first baseman CAN make a quite significant contribution to the defensive success of his team. However, only a few first basemen do. Any rare skill presents a challenge to analysts.

Don’t believe Porzingis when he says he’s100%, Green teamers.

Steelers stalwart Larry Allen dead at 52, very sad. Huh? He played for Dallas? Well, I saw the age and just, well, you know…

Maybe the baseball players shouldn’t bet on baseball games?

Confusing I-93 and the Mass Pike is the kind of Generalship that leads to fighting the Battle of Bunker Hill in the wrong location.

Additional Fun Fact: Edmonton has a larger population than Chelmsford, Andover, and Lewiston combined.

The Celtics winning made the termites in Doris’s dentures cry.

Where is the Isobel Cup?

Maybe it’s not a great idea to take life lessons from a rapist. Just sayin’.

That nice Ginger Zee lady would have told Ike 80 years ago the weather across the English Channel was clearing.

Best bet for the weekend: a different horse wins the Belmont Stakes.

*Is it sexist to say that outfit looks terrible when I could see Jayson Tatum wearing the exact same thing, pocketbook included?*

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Bill James, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. Lookin’ at the devil, grinnin’ at his gun, Fingers start shakin’, I begin to run. Bullets start chasin’, I begin to stop, We begin to wrestle, I was on the top.