Tag Archives: NHL

9/18/24 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

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Not this year.

So there. For the 5th consecutive autumn, the Red Sox are not going to win the World Series.

Keith Smith; your time is now.

Jay Glazer dresses like a coke dealer in Munchkinland.

Sway my way, don’t come undone.

Congratulations Joe Castiglione on having an impact on Don Orsillo’s incredible career.

The player who seemingly concussed Tua Tagovailoa was Bills safety Damar Hamlin, who ironically died but was brought back to life on a football field two years ago.

Owen Pence is absolutely right. Why hasn’t the WNBA commissioner cured online racism yet?

Mike Reiss’ act was out of fear of Bill. That’s all.

Cakes are cooking for Scotty Bowman, Frankie Avalon, Alex Stepney, Otis Sistrunk, Ken Brett, Kerry Livgren, Darryl Sittler, Rick Pitino, Billy Sims, Peter Stastny, Ryne Sandberg, Martin Beedle, Ricky Bell, Toni Kukoč, Aisha Tyler, Jada Pinkett Smith, Lance Armstrong, Xzibit, Jason Sudeikis, Ronaldo, Alison Lohman, and Annette Obrestad.

Boston Globe Pitchbot makes Civil War Andrew Luck look like Richard Pryor.

Was Assistant Wide Receivers Coach Tiquan Underwood okay with waiving practice squadder Jalen Reagor?

OTOH, Wojnarowski was a sketchy, sniveling horse trader. Good riddance.

Hey gang, this week’s Phrase that Pays is, “At least be good looking if you are going to be so awful.”

Paying $13.50 for terrible sports-writing is what TRUE masculinity looks like.

Have never been the biggest Dwight Howard fan, but you cannot deny how impressive he was tonight on “Dancing With The Stars.”

Orange Line Update: Delays of about 20 minutes due to a signal problem near Wellington. Trains may stand by at stations.

I think the Mike Reiss thing has to do with Patricia. He got really animated when they played a clip of Bill on Brady’s podcast claiming Patricia laid the foundation for the Lions o-line. That then led into Reiss’s need for an apology about the offense the past 2 seasons. These media slobs really hate Patricia. I think the fact that the scribes see Bill “bad mouthing” people now and they are desperate for him to turn on Patricia – which will never happen. It’s all sour grapes and bunched panties.

What I’m going to miss most about Woj is ruining draft picks by tweeting them 5 minutes before they announce them on TV.

Nice work, Team USA winning the Solheim Cup.

Is there a functional mechanism by which MLB could force the White Sox owner to sell the team?

Nothing says the end of summer like a $7 pint of blueberries.

Dive into the technology behind modern stand collar sweatshirts. Learn about advanced fabrics that offer moisture-wicking, breathability, and thermal insulation.

Sources: Patriots are ruling LB Oshane Ximines, OG Sidy Sow, OT Vederian Lowe, and LB Ja’Whaun Bentley OUT for TNF. They will not travel to East Rutherford for the Jets game. In addition, C David Andrews, OT Mike Onwenu, S Jabrill Peppers, and DE Deatrich Wise are being ruled QUESTIONABLE.

Wyc Grousbeck is the definition of what a team owner should be and how they should operate.

Mike McDaniel makes Deuce Tatum look like Bill Duke.

I may not be what the kids refer to as a, “gamer”. But I can still bear Super Mario World for SNES quickly without dying once. And I can beat Mike Tyson’s Punch Out for NES without being KO’d a single time. Take that, young dweebs.

So, Honeycomb, won’t you be my baby?
Well, Honeycomb, be my own.
Got a hank o’ hair and a piece of’ bone.
They made a walkin’, talkin’ Honeycomb.
Well, Honeycomb, won’t you be my baby?
Well, Honeycomb, be my own.
What a darn good life when you got a wife
Like Honeycomb.

There won’t be another Woj. The sports industry has adapted to his presence in mere hopes of making more like him, but he’s the GOAT.

Hockey is right around the corner. Sara Civian remains a free agent.

Chappell Roan tells The Face that she has tried the Hailey Bieber Erewhon smoothie.

Sugar Frosted Chocolate Bombs >>> “CoCoBombs”

Honk if you remember John Garabedian.

Mike McDaniel is gonna dress more and more like a Serbian gangster until this thing gets turned around.

The level of narcissism exhibited by Elle Duncan should require hospitalization.

With this release of Thompkins, it clear to me The Patriots are set to move on from Brady.

I’m putting glitter on a pumpkin. Sorry, loser.

The WNBA is headed back to Portland, with Oregon’s biggest city getting an expansion team that will begin play starting in 2026.

I say this every year, but the first few weeks of the NFL are always a dumpster fire. Ugh.

Best bet for the weekend: Don Sweeney dispatching scouts to the Orient to look into sumo wrestlers as a Plan C.

I’ll tell you what the only thing faster than ‘Mondre out there today were those fighter planes! Hahahaha did you see those? Wow. Anyway I want to be truthfully honest with you all right now. All 29 coaches and Robyn will be joining a Teams meeting at 9 AM sharp to discuss Jacoby. How does that man feel? A 27-step drop back and a 13 yard sack? The man needs to be lifted up. And we will be doing that. Anyway there are Crumbl cookies and Hoodsie cups in the back for you all! Much love.

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Bill James, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. It must have been something you said.

And Happy Birthday to British model and actress Keeley Hazell.

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7/3/24 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

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Oh no.

Wow, summer sports doldrums really set in this week, am I right, Michael? Heh heh heh.

Celtics just gonna set it up and run it again? Love to see it.

Matt Grzelcyk will be swapping out the NHL’s original Black and Gold for a different town’s black and gold. Enjoy the Three Rivers, Grizz. Charlestown is forever proud of you no matter. Best of luck, pal.

Just wait until our soccer players are playing in Europe then we’ll be a force to be reckoned with.

I guess Marketa Vondrousova has plenty of unplanned free time now to take in the sights and sounds of London town.

It’s okay Wyc. Lots of us don’t own a sports arena. Thanks for your stewardship of the team.

I am not a fan of all these advancements in AI. I’m worried more people are going to lose their jobs to robots. This World is moving all too fast for me and I just don’t trust AI unless it is being intended for good causes. Plus I hate that the lower-case L and capital i look the same in Twitter font. I’m having a tough time deciding if people are talking about AL or Ai.

Idiot holdouts denying me Supermax Jayson Tatum and Framingham Karen Read in the same week.

Portugal always has awesome uniforms.

Did I tune into day two of the NBA Draft or was that a Make-A-Wish documentary?

Cakes are cooking for Kurtwood Smith, Iain MacDonald-Smith (no relation), Betty Buckley, Dave Barry, Jan Smithers, Frank Tanana, Montel Williams, Stephen Pearcy, Hunter Tylo, Tom Cruise, Greg Vaughn, Moises Alou, Neil O’Donnell, Brian Cashman, Teppo Numminen, Audra MacDonald, Benedict Wong, Shawnee Smith, Teemu Selänne, Shane Lynch, Ludivine Sagnier, Sotirios Kyrgiakos, Olivia Munn, Sebastian Vettel, and Elle King.

One of the things I love about the NHL Draft is how, once round 2 starts, teams just announce picks right there from their tables. Rapid fire.

You know Red Sox fans, if the MLB playoffs started right now, that would be really odd seeing as they haven’t even played the All-Star Game yet.

Hey, gang of grifter ghosters! This week’s Phrase that Pays is, “I got, like, a bunch of felonies, like, that I’m facing. And like, I want them to go away.”

Cumberland Farms upping the coffee price every 6 months is so annoying. They’re not much cheaper than Dunkin anymore.

Don Sweeney? Absolute immunity! Sorrey!!

How many of you remember the expression “three hots and a cot?” Old Army guys would say they joined up to get three hot meals a day plus a place to sleep.

I never seen Lauri Markkanen rockin’ the Adidas slides with the gray Fubu sweatshorts. Ya dig?

‘Esplanade’ is a fun word.

Karen, you’ve really emboldened this bullied kid to talk more openly about shitting his pants.

If I can’t call Nikita Zadorov ‘Big Z’, I will instead call him, Baked Ziti! All abroad!

Take the T on the 4th of July: Subway: Saturday service to 3pm, then weekday. Bus: Sunday service. Commuter Rail & Ferry: Weekend service. FREE subway, bus, CR, and ferry after 9:30 PM.

Are the Free Jacks primed to Free-peat?

I hope NHL Commissioner Gary Bettman is doing okay health-wise. There appeared to be something off at both Game 7 of the Stanley Cup Final and last night at the NHL Draft. I am not a doctor and my opinion on this does not matter, but I hope he’s doing okay.

At least Martin Mull can be reunited with Shifty Shellshock.

There is a small but deadly population of Timber Rattlesnakes in the Greater Boston area, as well as other isolated parts of Massachusetts.

Xander Bogaerts (not playing) and Don Orsillo (as an opposing broadcaster) returning to Fenway Park for the first time really had me in my feels.

Do you think Alan Jackson lubes his cock before he fucks Karen Read in the ass, or does the anal leakage act as enough of a lubricant?

Elephants are famously large. Making larger than life sculptures of them seems like gilding the lily.

Six hardboiled eggs is a perfectly sane breakfast to eat on vacation.

I hope Jared Zero was able to watch the Celtics parade coverage from that nice farm he’s on in upstate New York.

There she stood in the street.
Smiling from her head to her feet.
I said, “Hey, what is this, now baby”, maybe,
Maybe she’s in need of a kiss

I said, “Hey, what’s your name, baby?
Maybe we can see things the same.”
Now don’t you wait or hesitate,
Let’s move before they raise the parking rate.

All right now, baby, it’s all right now.
All right now, baby, it’s all right now.
Let me tell you now.

People regarded Jordan & Pippen as a Batman & Robin situation as opposed to a Superman & Batman partnership and that affected how every other basketball duo was viewed in the past 35 years… Jayson Tatum & Jaylen Brown are more like Iron Man & War Machine or Cable & Deadpool.

Make one joke about an asteroid taking out a bunch a lunatics in pink shirts outside a courthouse and next thing ya know, one week twitter ban. Free speech yada yada yada.

Honk if you know the US President who was born on the Fourth of July.

Patriots just gonna set it up and run it again with Bill the GM’s players? Love to see it.

Gary Striewski signs multi-year extension with ESPN. But not during Pride Month?

76’ers collecting all the slugs. Trust that process.

I have a friend who screws up Rocket Man every time. Instead of “Burning out a fuse up here alone” he says “Burning out a fuse with Cheap Cologne” it drives me nuts.

FSG shoulda brought that Barstool whoah-personality in on Friday so Donny O could get a piece.

Fun Fact: the HP Hood Company maintains several stands of birch trees throughout all six New England states that eventually become the Hoodsie Cup’s iconic wooden spoons.

Know this: ‘Himno Nacional’ sounds like someone Peter Gammons tried to foist on us as a Very Special Person in the late 90s.

What an honor it must be to shake the hand of the deputy commissioner of the NBA at 4:42 on a Thursday afternoon when the Pacers pick you 36th overall.

When are the Bruins going to re-sign Swayman?

I hope that poor performance doesn’t affect the USMNT’s really real top 15 FIFA ranking.

Everybody knows about Joe DiMaggio. You’re a baseball fan if you can explain about Vince and Dom. You may need help is you know about Vince Jr.

Robots counting 18 munchkins would be wild.

Does anyone know a good Vancouver based sports marketing firm? Asking for Jake D.

The social media app is Twitter, the tall building at 200 Clarendon is the John Hancock, and people who own NBA franchises are Owners. GTFO with this governor nonsense.

We sure the Celtics didn’t mean to draft Creighton Scheierman from Baylor?

Some EXCITING news to share on the eve of long holiday weekend ahead: All three Rub Smoke Love rubs are now found in all Massachusetts Hannaford grocery stores!

Best bet for the weekend: Solarcaine.

A fine summer tradition.

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Bill James, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. I will be taking next week off for real. Something will run in this place. Enjoy the 4th.

BdlG wants you to know the beaches are open! Except for the closed ones.

6/19/24 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

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They wanted Boston. They got Boston.

Winning is great. Winning that makes everyone else hysterically sad is even better.

No one dotted Dugie? Sad!

Jaylen Brown Finals MVP. He did spend some of that Supermax contract money attending a Sick Handlez Camp!

Willie Mays. You Say Hey, we all say goodbye. OOTG’s.

I’m in tears knowing Bill Russell’s widow was in Dallas for Game 4, and in Boston for Game 5.

Meanwhile, if wasn’t already, Bryson DeChambeau sure seems to have become this weekend what golf is continually seeking: A needle mover.

Dave Brown peacocking from his long dormant & locked Twitter account is peak Dave Brown.

Cakes are cooking for Salman Rushdie, Ann Wilson, Duane Kuiper, Larry Dunn, Kathleen Turner, Paula Abdul, Simon Wright, Mia Sara, Poppy Montgomery, Robin Tunney, Doug Mientkiewicz, Dirk Nowitzki, Garfield the Cat, Zoe Saldana, Jason White, and Macklemore.

Not only was that an all-time US Open, but my daughters wanted to learn more about the game, and I got to talk through the back nine with my dad at the house like we used to do after my tournaments and biggest rounds. Happy Father’s Day, everyone. It was a memorable one over here.

Having proper Sunday night HBO programming back is the best. It dominates social media the next day. We are so back.

Tons of people were helped by Jerry West admitting to being a maniac. Many cases of lives saved. “The Logo” taught me that it’s ok to not be ok.

Orange Line Reminder: Service changes for bridge and track work June 22-23: Shuttle buses replace service between Oak Grove & North Station June 24-30: Shuttle buses replace service between Wellington & North Station. Commuter Rail is fare free between Oak Grove & North Station.

Hopefully the next time all these Patriots greats are together is at RKK’s funeral.

Ime Udoka passed this up for pussy.

I don’t know how long ago Dennis Drinkwater’s seat moved to the aisle but how does he get into it? Does he hop over the back? Need to know.

Will Buck be wearing his Donnie Beardlsey skinsuit on one of the duckboats Friday?

Edmonton has now won twice, a win for each boob flashed by that nice lady.

Suggestion for Friday’s Celtics parade: Reserve one Duck-Boat for Wyc Grousbeck and his band, and play a Dead set to bring Bill Walton into the event. “Ripple” for respect.

Al Horford, aka the Dominican Don Nelson.

Don’t know about you guys, but it’s really scary to think that any one of us could be locked up if we drunkenly backed over a Boston cop. If they can do it to her, they can do it to YOU.

Hey gang of morons, this week’s Phrase that Pays is, “I’m still peeling confetti off me.”

Not great for the Woman In Sports™ brand that a hard 4 who grifts online retards considers herself part of the group.

Uh oh. Cotillo’s back on the soft serve.

Out of Jayson Tatum’s 40 highest priced purchased cards, only 3 were bought this year.

Trying to imagine what Bill’s reaction would have been if Brian, Stephen, or Amanda hade ever brought home a Cheerleader/Entrepeneur/Philosopher to meet dad.

This has been the longest day I wish I had more energy for the Celtics tweets 😦 I’ll be obnoxious all month if they win don’t worry.

‘Riding the side boards’ sounds like a 1940’s euphemism for gay sex.

I just wish Fergie would do every NBA Finals anthem.

The flow of porn spam from the usual suspects on Twitter has disappeared from my feed, and I have mixed feelings now that nobody seems to be trying to scam me. It’s like “wait, am I not worth the effort to try to steal from anymore?”

Abby didn’t need any gay champagne goggles.

Huh. I wonder why Bill forgot to mention the backstabbing rat of an in-over-his-head linebackers coach.

This human Subaru just femsplained to literal DNA forensic scientists the science of forensic DNA detectability.

Bill Clinton don’t become Willie Mays.

Sometimes I just shut up and let my past work talk. I earned these two days off and I’m going to enjoy every, single, minute of it.

PFF geting Betamaxed out of existence wouldn’t be terrible.

My favorite thing about watching women’s basketball is that they actually post up and use low post moves. It’s a lost art in the men’s game.

When the Starks & Baratheons get these blonde freaks up outta here >>>>>

Have the Revs turned a corner?

In the Boston Celtics 17 NBA Championships it has taken them an average of 6.12 games to win in the NBA Finals.

‘Claudia Bellofatto’ is a made-up name.

I can look out from the roof of this building I’m on and see five other buildings that I built. Three of which I saw from steel beam to final clean. I built half this block.

Today would be a great day for the race war to kickoff. Just like the Tet Offensive.

Gonna see the river man.
Gonna tell him all I can
About the plan
For lilac time.

If he tells me all he knows
‘Bout the way his river flows.
And all night shows
In summertime.

Fun Fact: women were disallowed from serving on juries in Massachusetts until 1950.

Somewhere in this town, there are crab legs & I’m gonna go eat more of them than the Rangers had hits Sunday.

Probably a relief to Jerry West that he didn’t have to see another Celtics championship.

Would you rather have one 12-foot statue of Tom Brady or twelve 1-foot statues of Tom Brady?

Narrator: The Mavericks as it turns out did not figure out the Celtics’ scheme.

There are too many withdrawals, no deposit , You can’t grow like that !!!

Wonder if Bill saved Linda’s fake cans for the new girl.

I’ve never figured out how they keep the baseball IN the hat when the hat jumps in the air during that dancing-hat thing where they want you to guess which hat has the ball.

With the Finals being over, how will people now learn that there is a new Bad Boys movie in theaters?

Honk if you remember Brett Hull’s Stanley Cup winning ‘no goal.’

That wasn’t a travel on Prichard’s beyond halfcourt halftime buzzer-beating three, it was a Eurostep.

Linda Cohn is still on TV? Well good for her!

I’m still trying to see ‘likes’ on Twitter like Homer Simpson forgetting to dial the new area code.

It’s really not like Anna Horford to use her brother’s fame to curry favor.

Imagine if Danny and Brad took advice from the radio talking men and the ink-stained wretches. lol

Belichick can probably still kill spiders and open tight jar lids at his age.

Also, I want the repaired Christopher Columbus statue the city is too scared to put back up riding on one of the duckboats.

If The Sports Hub had a Kevin, I think I’d know about it.

Best bet for the weekend: Ocean State Job Lot starts selling the ‘NBA Players Association’ championship merch.

Tom. Patriots Hall of Famer.
Eeep.

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Dan Kelley, Bill James, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. 

And Happy Birthday to Czech supermodel Veronika Vařeková. Všechno nejlepší k narozeninám!

6/5/24 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

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Go fill in the blank spaces, Celtics.

The way I keep it straight is, it’s the ‘Stanley Cup Final’, because final and NHL both end in L, and it’s the ‘NBA Finals’ because basketball and association both contain at least one letter S.

The Red Sox should consider installing a dugout escalator.

The Cooper Flagg race war is going to make this Caitlin shit look positively warm and fuzzy.

Mayo answering a coaching philosophy question is like Trump answering a question about his favorite Bible verse.

What the hell is Dave O’Brien talking about? The only thing preventing Sox fans from really diving in to support them is a 10-game winning streak, a no hitter, or a player hitting 14 HRs in a month. Oh, is that all?

It’s Men’s Mental Health Month, too.

Volunteered to help my wife teach her kindergarten class last Friday. My doctor says I should recover in 4 to 6 weeks!!

There’s nothing white women in their 20s love more than saying they’re bisexual.

As much as a pain in the ass as social media is at times, I’m so thankful I get to keep in touch with my childhood friends. Watching people you have loved at different points in life grow up is so freakin’ cool.

When is the joint Rangers/Knicks “We would have won if…” parade?

Cakes are cooking for Robert Kraft, Colm Wilkinson, John Carlos, Freddie Stone, Laurie Anderson, Ellen Foley, Kathleen Kennedy, Michael “Nicko” McBrain, Kenny G, Richard Butler, Jeff Garlin, Ron Livingston, Izabella Scorupco, Mark Wahlberg, Chuck Klosterman, Lamon Brewster, Zydrunas Ilgauskas, Jason White, Pete Wentz, and Marques Colston.

Every sports radio caller is a proud graduate of Red Auerbach Coaching Academy.

I loved G & R’s ‘Chinese Dentistry’ album.

Fun Fact: Edmonton sits at 53.5461 degrees North. Sunrise, FLA sits at 26.1670 degrees North. The 2024 Stanley Cup Final competitors have the largest difference in latitude of any championship series in the history of North American professional sports.

A great birthday gift for Al Horford? A championship ring with the #DifferentHere

Green Line D Branch and Green Line E Branch: Delays of about 10 minutes due to a wire car performing preventative maintenance on the overhead catenary.

That make-out session with another girl after two and a half hard seltzers in college doesn’t make you bi, toots.

If Nickelback has no fans, I am deceased.

Tucupita Marcano sounds like a Jason Bourne alias to get through security at the airport, or maybe a dessert at Table.

Bill the GM doesn’t get any credit for getting rid of Loose Change Chase Winovich?

Being a kid with rich parents doesn’t seem to be as great as it sounds.

Oh wow the morbidly obese autist is a pedophile?

A mix pack that is 4 different kinds of India Pale Ales is not a mix pack, beer brewing people.

Did Rex Chapman just invent Birthdays?

If anyone needs me tonight, I’ll be dragging a naked and screaming Bob Cousy down Tremont Street while I demand that horrified onlookers “give him his flowers” before he dies.

Hey gang of folks with discerning palates, this week’s Phrase that Pays is, “I bet you eat hot dogs for dinner regularly.”

Everyone forgets the 3OT game against the Suns.

We completed the construction of the first Air Rights project since the 1970’s back in January. We built six stories of a 17-story building over the 93 on-ramp. This would be the second. Nice try though.

Why do geese have 9,000 babies? Do they listen to Marvin Gaye or what??

Rough Game 5, Timberwolves. I hadn’t seen a beating like that in Minnesota since George Floyd.

Perk looks and talks like he’s the Moon in a children’s storybook.

Vaya con Dios, Vanessa Welch and Kate Merrill. Good luck in your future endeavors.

Knock down the old grey wall.
Be a part of it all.
Nothing to say, nothing to see, nothing to do.

If you would give me all
As I would give it to you.
Nothing would be, nothing would be, nothing would be.

No matter where you go.
There will always be a place
Can’t you see it in my face, girl?
Ooh, girl, want you.

If I looked like a black Jocelyn Wildenstein, I would probably be angry all the time too.

Honk if you remember Hip Zepi USA.

A first baseman CAN make a quite significant contribution to the defensive success of his team. However, only a few first basemen do. Any rare skill presents a challenge to analysts.

Don’t believe Porzingis when he says he’s100%, Green teamers.

Steelers stalwart Larry Allen dead at 52, very sad. Huh? He played for Dallas? Well, I saw the age and just, well, you know…

Maybe the baseball players shouldn’t bet on baseball games?

Confusing I-93 and the Mass Pike is the kind of Generalship that leads to fighting the Battle of Bunker Hill in the wrong location.

Additional Fun Fact: Edmonton has a larger population than Chelmsford, Andover, and Lewiston combined.

The Celtics winning made the termites in Doris’s dentures cry.

Where is the Isobel Cup?

Maybe it’s not a great idea to take life lessons from a rapist. Just sayin’.

That nice Ginger Zee lady would have told Ike 80 years ago the weather across the English Channel was clearing.

Best bet for the weekend: a different horse wins the Belmont Stakes.

Is it sexist to say that outfit looks terrible when I could see Jayson Tatum wearing the exact same thing, pocketbook included?

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Bill James, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. Lookin’ at the devil, grinnin’ at his gun, Fingers start shakin’, I begin to run. Bullets start chasin’, I begin to stop, We begin to wrestle, I was on the top.

And a fair dinkum of a happy birthday to gold medal-winning Australian swimmer Emily Seebohm.

5/15/24 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

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You think the old barn will be rocking the next couple nights? Heh heh.

(Editor’s Note: in last week’s Junk Drawer a quote from Mark Farinella was mistakenly attributed to comedian Mitch Hedberg. We apologize for the error and thank Mr. Farinella for pointing it out.)

I bet everyone is happy the Celtics came back on the road and finally won a close playoff game.

Drew Bledsoe rooted for Roy Stalin in Better Off Dead.

You could run a black light over the court at MSG and not find any winning DNA.

Who greenlit Harrison Butker’s commencement speech? Nick Adams? Fred Waterford?

A quarter of the season done, and the Red Sox lead the league in ERA. If that holds up, it would be the first time that has happened since two years before the Magna Carta was signed.

Drew Bledsoe is the Platonic ideal of a coach’s kid.

Will rookies wearing their actual game numbers improve Patriots coverage this year?

Nothing says I’m a dickhead Boston cop like a bald head and a goatee.

Cakes are cooking for Anna Maria Alberghetti, Wavy Gravy, Don Nelson, Brian Eno, Chazz Palminteri, George Brett, Mike Oldfield, Dan Patrick, Kevin Von Erich, Melle Mel, John Smoltz, Emmitt Smith, Desmond Howard, Jennifer Rizzotti, Ray Lewis, Ryan Leaf, David Krumholtz, Josh Beckett, Justin Morneau, Jamie-Lynn Sigler, Christiane, and Andy Murray,

Max Strus has never actually hit a three against a team other than the Celtics.

Hey gang of potential sports managment agency clients, this week’s Phrase that Pays is, “Do rib tattoos hurt? I want one.”

Drew Bledsoe would be divorced too if he played in the NFL for 23 seasons like Brady.

I’d rather be backed over by my ciggy breath girlfriend than have friends that play fight with me after a few beers.

Someone please give Jennifer Connelly a meatball sub. Or two.

Shouldn’t Mother’s Day be every day of the year?

Red Line Reminder: May 18-19 (This Weekend) Shuttle Buses replace service between Broadway and Braintree due to bridge and track work. Regular Red Line service will operate between Ashmont and JFK/UMass.

Drew Bledsoe parks his car diagonally across four parking spaces at the supermarket.

Celtics are lucky Okoro can’t score-o. He has to be 0 for his last 15.

Leah Hextall. Naughty.

Hey Ken, find the dog food that I ordered on Amazon two weeks ago, loser. Yaaaaaa!

Spike Lee still alive? What a cvnt.

Drew Bledsoe’s sheared artery was the first time we learned he had heart.

Imagine being Turtleboy’s lawyer. After a while, you must be like, “Why are you such an asshole?”

Is Zack Cox trespassing?

The mute button loves PK Subban.

You don’t need to use the search bar Ma; the page you’re looking for is already open in a tab. Cursor up. Up. Up! No, don’t scroll down! Up! You see the tabs up top? right in the middle! Click there!

Drew Bledsoe would be friends with Shooter McGavin.

A: the1987 Los Angeles Lakers.

The fact there are Red Lobster restaurants in Connecticut is a point for the ‘CT isn’t really part of New England’ side of the argument.

If you’re looking for a catchy tune with a funky beat, you could do much worse than Shalamar.

When did Court TV get so bad/cheesy?

Honk if you’ve eaten at The Weathervane/Lobster in the Rough.

Kelsey Plum forgot her blouse!

Drew still using the roast from over a week ago as an excuse to keep insulting Tom kinda makes him look like the asshole we all know him to be.

And you may ask yourself, “How do I work this?”
And you may ask yourself, “Where is that large automobile?”
And you may tell yourself, “This is not my beautiful house.”
And you may tell yourself, “This is not my beautiful wife.”

Letting the days go by, let the water hold me down.
Letting the days go by, water flowing underground.
Into the blue again, after the money’s gone.
Once in a lifetime, water flowing underground.

Same as it ever was, same as it ever was.
Same as it ever was, same as it ever was.
Same as it ever was, same as it ever was.
Same as it ever was, same as it ever was.

Radar guns have changed. There is no way that all these pitchers hit 100mph so consistently. No one threw it faster than Nolan Ryan but now every middle-reliever does? Impossible.

Dallas’s NHL team should have been named the Lone Stars.

UConn is a baseball school.

Can you really cry while giving a speech about the loss of masculinity? Asking for an idiot kicker.

Who’s the Florida Panthers diving coach, Thornton Mellon? Bravo.

Statistics that other people research and post should get acknowledged or attributed to them if they are used, not just stolen. It’s a lousy thing to do.

Drew Bledsoe got traded to another team in the division.

Red Lobster got Frying Dutchman’d with its ultimate endless shrimp promotion. Arrrrr!

Welcome to the big leagues, Caitlin Clark.

Best bet for the weekend: Not Mystik Dan. Sorrey!

Boston cop physiognomy.

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, but nothing from Mark Farinella, don’t you worry your pretty little head, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. The second time around. Ooh, the second time is so much better, baby.

BdlG at the WHCD.

5/8/24 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

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Plain B(lack) Hat. He’s back.

Shertenlieb to WZLX? Our short, regional nightmare is finally over. But will the wacky bits work sandwiched between Meatloaf and Molly Hatchet? Enjoy obscurity.

You all want Tatum to be a point guard. Don’t @ me.

Mmmm, meatloaf sandwich.

Upton Bell was still working in football the last time the Knicks won a title.

Boy that Gorman “goodnight,” huh? That’s one you don’t forget.

Watching Lohrei handle the puck immediately after Wotherspoon is hilarious. It’s like they play different sports.

Why are the refs so deferential to Denver? It makes zero sense.

Cakes are cooking for Gary Glitter, Chris Frantz, Mike D’Antoni, Philip Bailey, Alex Van Halen, Bill Cowher, Lovie Smith, Ronnie Lott, Melissa Gilbert, Omar Camporese, Hiromi Arakawa, Enrique Iglesias, Jussi Markkanen, Joe Bonnamassa, John Maine, Adrian Gonzalez, Kemba Walker, and Olivia Culpo.

Kobe anally raped a woman, but Pat Bev was mean to the middle-aged lady. He should leave.

The Mets are like the lottery one day you win big and the next day you lose a lot.

Jalen Brunson looks like Abby Chin without makeup.

They fired the reigning In Season Tournament winning coach? Odd. And sad.

Hey gang, this week’s Phrase that Pays is, “Are you going to spend vacation watching a trial on your phone?”

Macklin Celebrini? That’s not a hockey player name, that’s the name of an advertising agency.

It’s free to subscribe to Pat Bev’s podcast. That lady was just being difficult.

What do people even do with bookmarks?

Tatum is gonna have to take over one of these times and steal us a game. Or perhaps even steal us a series. Or neither, seeing as basketball is a team sport.

How much at auction would Darren pay for ‘genuine human emotions?’

Carlo has a kid – flies in late, plays, scores. Rudy Gobert has a kid- smokes weed, goes on the ‘Gram, misses game(s).

Hope Keith Foulke is happy that he lost a fan!

Red Line Reminder: May 11-12 (This Weekend) Shuttle Buses replace service between Broadway and North Quincy due to bridge and track work. Regular Red Line service will operate between Ashmont and JFK/UMass during this work.

Jamal Murray looks like an extra in Raid on Entebbe.

Carl Yastrzemski. I stood next to him once at a store. There were a handful of men there. None of us spoke to him, though he gave me a head nod. I know he is a man and yet somehow, we all knew that he is more than that. He quietly disappeared from the store as if he was an apparition.

The Indianapolis Star’s Gregg Doyel is in the middle of a two-week suspension after the Caitlin Clark press-conference controversy. He will not cover any Fever games live this summer.

Shukri must be the Philly equivalent of Charlie on the MTA. All abroad!

Pitchbots are a stain on the beautiful troll community.

My kid just walked into the room. Sees Leafs vs. Bruins warming up on TV. “What? It’s boy’s hockey” with full indignation. “Why isn’t there girl’s hockey on?” She’s 5 and will never know a world where we can’t just turn our TV on and see pro women’s hockey players, and I love it.

Why does Kenny Smith need to have a video if all he’s doing is counting to 12?

Friends say it’s fine, friends say it’s good.
Everybody says it’s just like Robin Hood.
I move like a cat, talk like a rat, sting like a bee.
Babe, I’m gonna be your man.

It’s plain to see,
You were meant for me.
Yeah, I’m your boy,
Your 20th century toy.

Kendra Middleton’s peanut allergy story was lifted straight out of the film Fallen.

PWHL Boston – playoff bound.

Mutnansky is still in Monte Carlo playing baccarat with his Kentucky Derby winnings, right?

Just say you don’t know the joke. It’s OK.

If you take Aiden the Turtleboy’s place in line for the Karen Read case, he’s gonna kick you out of the Lollipop Guild.

Sears has medicine balls on sale today. Great prices.

Does interviewing Samir Suleiman satisfy the Rooney Rule the way having Brandon Hunt in for an interview does?

Honk if you remember the Dunkin coffee coolatta.

I haven’t slept for ten days, because that would be too long.

Love that there’s more outrage about Pat Beverly being mean to a reporter than there is about him beaning a woman in the crowd in the head with a basketball.

No, you did not ‘catch a stray’ during the Tom Brady Roast.

I can take 30 Minions right now and throw them in the NFL. You cannot take 30 NFL players and put them in the Minion Ice Cave. jmt

ACAB and ‘bitch clearly did it’ are not mutually exclusive thoughts.

What is it with Kennedys always losing part of their brains?

Best bet for the weekend: packed brunch spots on Mother’s Day.

WOW.

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Mitch Hedberg, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. What you gonna do when you get out of jail?

And a happy birthday to Josie Maran, SI swimsuit model, actress and skincare & cosmetics entrepreneur.

5/1/24 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

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The only Mayday we recognize here.

Every quip on Twitter by a broad talking about what an Uber driver “said” to them is made up. Every single one.

What if the Toronto Polar bear has a humiliation fetish? Way to kink shame.

Dave O’Brien still can’t stop talking about a pitcher’s tempo even though there’s a pitch clock.

Jayson Tatum is Tatuming.

So we have one eyeshadow guy that likes the Patriots draft thus far, and one that hates it.

Maple Leaf Square should be renamed “Staple Loss Square” with how many times the Leafs get their lunch handed to them by the Bruins in the playoffs.

Did SkyCrepers pull out of sponsoring the Rich Keefe All Night Draft Party?

Brad’s going to trade that Executive of the Year Award for two second round picks and then turn those picks and an expiring contract into a 2027 first.

Cakes are cooking for Frank Beard, Rita Coolidge, Joanna Lumley, John Woo, Jerry Heard, Douglas Barr, Paul Teutul, Sr., Dann Florek, Ray Parker Jr, Nick Feldman, Dick Swett, Eddie Johnson, Steven Cauthen, Gary Clark, Yvonne von Gennip, Tim McGraw, Yael Arad, Bryan Marchment, Wes Anderson, Alex Van Pelt, Stuart Appleby, Curtis Martin, Wes Welker, David Backes, Ryan Matthews, Marcus Stroman, Anfernee Jennings, and Charli D’Amelio.

I’m sure Durant will be happy on the next team he goes to.

Hey gang of supplicants and courtiers, this week’s Phrase that Pays is, “You sound like a bafoon.”

I ain’t calling some other dude Kool-Aid.

Oatmeal raisin cookies are the identity thieves of the cookie world. From a distance you think they’re chocolate. Adrenaline spikes in anticipation of chocolatey morsels and that refreshing swig of ice-cold milk. Then you get nearer and realize you’ve been bamboozled. Crushing!

Are the rappers fighting again?

The smartest thing to ever come out of Lucy’s mouth is Curtis’s dick.

Folks, this should probably be pretty self-evident, but, for the record; I have 2FA enabled on literally everything I have setup in my life (which alerts me to login attempts or resets). Please, do not violate the Computer Fraud and Abuse Act of 1996. I will report it. K? Thx.

WEEI fired Kadlick the day before the Draft Party. You’d have to have a heart of stone not to laugh.

No Bron-Bron?

What’s this about Coach Mayo having a mural of himself depicted as a centaur installed in Gillette?

Red Line Reminder: May 2-10 Shuttle buses will replace Red Line service all day between Park Street and JFK/UMass due to track work. Shuttle service extends to Ashmont after 8:30 PM each day through May 9.

Aloha means goodbye. Norman Esiason, Aloha.

Marquette WBB junior wing Lee Volker has withdrawn her name from the portal.

Them Red Sox, they could continue to surprise!

We as a society do not give enough credit to the Reese’s Take 5 as one of our most superior candy innovations.

“Brainteaser” stumping everybody on Wheel of Fortune is a little too on the nose.

I won a really snazzy record player at an event for my grammar school. Which is really cool but now I need to buy records. Thinking ‘Nebraska’ or ‘Born to Run’ for my first purchase. Feels like a whole new world – straight back to my childhood.

The others were untrue
But when it came to lovin’ you
I’d spend my whole life with you
‘Cause you came and you took control
You touched my very soul
You always showed me that
Loving you was where it’s at
You made me so very happy
I’m so glad you came into my life.

Thank you baby.
Yeah yeah-yeah.

I don’t know, is Chicago even allowed to have a good non-Jewish quarterback?

Honk if you remember Francis Gary Powers.

Woke up the other morning and my wife left me a post-it saying, “Vontae Mack no matter what.” Ooops. Sorry. Eyes blurry. It says, “Pick up dry cleaning.” Draft day!

What’s the deal with all the crane flies this spring?

I hope Kendra keeps this same energy when one of her 98.5 co-workers inevitably says something racist. Again.

I used to ride an electric scooter to and from train stations commuting for work so I get the appeal of them. But these people now who have scooters to get from the garage to the job LITERALLY ACROSS THE STREET is peak laziness.

Being a Leo is great because anytime I’m accused of wanting attention I’m like, yeah literally astrologically I feel no shame about that.

Genuine Merch!

May is Mental Health Awareness Month. Remember — it’s okay to ask for help. You sad little nancy.

“EDGE” is not a position. It’s called defensive end.

No one has the right to call Nick Cattles an idiot. Everyone has the responsibility to call him an idiot.

Jose Ramirez is fascinating, because he doesn’t look at all like one of the five best players in baseball, but he is. He doesn’t look like he would be fast, but he is. Sort of in the Rick Reuschel/deceptive body class.

The Heat have signaled they want to quit. Finish them, Celtics.

Conversely, Uber drivers make up stories about things sportswriters tell them.

Where are all the yellow seats, Dale? Reinstall them!

Best bet for the weekend: The Patriots doing something cringe on Cinco de Mayo.

The Aggregator Vanishes.

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Bill James, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. And I can’t get away. To Live and Die in L.A.

And happy birthday to actress Joy Harmon, who you may remember from this scene in ‘Cool Hand Luke’.

4/24/24 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

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Busy sports night tonight. And tomorrow!

So, you see, Boston is a city in the United States, which is a different country than Canada, where Toronto is located.

Robert may have yappa-yappa-yappa’d himself out of a spot in the HoF this year? You hate to see it.

Was that foul on Tatum by Martin an example of Heat Culture?

You can win a hockey game scoring only two goals, but you’re more likely to lose.

In short, go to Pittsburgh to catch a game or two. Stay at a hotel where you can walk to the park, see a few museums, stroll around. You’ll have a fine time.

Bobby Orr has looked exactly the same for forty years.

You don’t have to actually watch the Pat McAfee Show, you can follow one of those transcription services. Alex Barth, for example.

Zach Wilson getting traded to the weed capitol of the US is an absolute meme.

Pavel Zacha for Erik Haula – Sweeney’s deal with the Devil(s).

Hey Kevin Maggiore ..Bruins better win this series ..because if they don’t ..they will be consequences

Dave McCarty, he’s with La Schelle Tarver now. RIP to both.

Cakes are cooking for Shirley MacLaine, Rob Hyman, Eric Bogosian, Vince Ferragamo, Michale O’Keefe, Stuart Pearce, Cedric the Entertainer, Dino Radja, Omar Vizquel, Stacy Haiduk, Todd Jones, Ken Klee, Chipper Jones, Lee Westwood, Kelly Clarkson, and Ashleigh Barty.

The lady who plays the lead in those The Nun movies must be freaking stoked when they announce another sequel.

So Gregg Doyel made a fool of himself? What is this, 2015?

The New England Revolution strengthened their backline on Tuesday after trading for 2019 MLS Cup winner Xavier Arreaga from Seattle Sounders FC in exchange for a 2025 international roster slot and up to $75,000 in cash.

Congratulations to Tim ‘Sarge’ McKane on the permanent third banana spot middays.

High stick! Wrong thread.

Hanging off the side of a 20-story building grinding metal in the rain. This is the kind of thing I chose to get good at in life

Blue Line Reminder: Through April 28 Shuttle Buses replace service between Airport and Wonderland due to track work.

A lonesome death? Either multiple people beat the life out of him, or his girlfriend ran him over. Either way he was surrounded by people. And perhaps a dog.

Hello Gang of car petting baggers! This week’s Phrase that Pays is, “It’s stupid and frankly gross.”

If I were a goose I’d be a mute one. Honking is so embarrassing.

One other thing about Hubie Brown: anyone who has attended a Hubie basketball clinic or lecture has come away spellbound.

You think Mike Silver still thinks about kissing Wendy Peffercorn?

Rooting for the Red Sox these days is kind of like driving an old beater that you never get serviced. It runs great for a few days, and then something happens, and you have a week of borrowing your brother’s truck.

Father Time Stumped The Schwab.

FYI: Ham salad from Brentwood NH is worse than any bologna I’ve ever had. Just saying.

Instead of ‘doggos’, just say dogs. It’s shorter.

Memories
Light the corners of my mind.
Misty watercolor memories
Of the way we were.

Scattered pictures
Of the smiles we left behind.
Smiles we gave to one another,
For the way we were.

Ever wonder why bread can be in a plastic bag but we can’t pack groceries in plastic bags?

RIP Lawrence M. Krause III.

Working in sports = never not working.

You’ve gotta be a little nuts to be a beekeeper. There isn’t enough money in the world you could pay me to do that.

Not nearly enough people played Horizon Zero Dawn.

Honk if you remember Argeo Paul Cellucci.

Paul Bissonnette is blacker than Deuce Tatum. What?

Liz put me on to Chappell Roan and idk if it’s the ADHD but I‘ve barely listened to anyone else since.

Ryan Poles on if he’s ready to declare Caleb Williams the Bears 1st overall pick: “We know what we’re gonna do, but everyone’s gonna have to wait until Thursday.”

If you have two black swans…

Sal? Don’t worry about him. He’s living in upstate New York, with a nice, loving family on their engagement farm. Plenty of room for him to run around and cancel people!

Carb loading only sounds like fun until you actually have to do it.

I was listening to the Sox game the other night and one of the sponsors is Chock Full o’ Nuts coffee. Like, what the fuck year is this?

Best bet for the weekend: Messi-Mania!

It’s going to be great when he doesn’t play because of the turf.

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Bill James, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. People who need people. Are the luckiest people in the world.

And Happy Birthday to actress Melinda Clarke.

3/6/24 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

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Caitlin NMI Clark. Now the all-time leading college basketball scorer. And she did it with a foul shot. Fundamentals!

I’m trying to convince myself that was a scheduled loss for the Celtics, but it feels like a regular loss.

Are the Bruins back on that Overtime foolishness again? I thought we cleared that up last month!

Red Sox might consider just painting BOSTON on the bottom of the AL East standings part of the Green Monster scoreboard. Save an employee some time fiddling with the signs.

I have no worries about the draft. After receiving a few hours of training at the insurance company, Coach Jerod has created a four tab spreadsheet for the draft. He’ll share it with the friendly media at the next beer summit of forgiveness.

Caitlin Clark is going to play for some Panini team in Italy? Weird.

Cakes are cooking for Marion Barry, Ivan Boesky, Cookie Rojas, Kiri Te Kanawa, Hugh Grundy, Martin Kove, Richard Noble, Kiki Dee, Rob Reiner, Eddie Deezen, Tom Arnold, Sleepy Floyd, Carla McGhee, Moira Kelly, Shaquille O’Neal, Greg Ostertag, Ken Anderson, Erik Bedard, and Tyler, the Creator.

How was Episode 5 of The Dynasty not titled ‘Do You Have Any Cassels?’

The way Stilgar was talking about Paul is basically the way Nick Wright talks about LeBron.

Hey gang of engagement farmers! This week’s Phrase that Pays is, “Every time I look at this bitch, I expect her to start belting out ‘Under the Bridge’.”

A UCL injury for Giolito? Can’t eat innings with one of those. It’s like a busted jaw.

You know, sometimes, imposter syndrome is correct.

Little known fact: Tommy Lister’s famous character Deebo is based off a story Ice Cube heard about a man named ‘Bill the G.’

Is there any available wall space that the Japanese don’t advertise on?

What do you mean there was no three-point shot when Pete Maravich played? This changes everything.

What’s your favorite album with a hidden track over 3 minutes and 32 seconds after the final track?

I believe that Jeff Howe believes he’s fighting a courageous battle.

Orange Line Reminder: March 9-10 (This weekend) Shuttle Buses replace service between Forest Hills and Ruggles for signal work. Commuter Rail service will be free to ride between Forest Hills, Ruggles, Back Bay, and South Station.

Does Bill Simmons think Doncic is Serbian?

Hard to think of a family that has had more bad luck of late than the Wakefields. Thoughts to Trevor and Brianna, who are left to go on without their mother and father far too soon.

The O.J. Simpson case was covered by great crime writers like Dominick Dunne and James Ellroy. The Read case has autistic freaks and unemployable delinquents. Just a murderers’ row of ‘tards.

One Kelce down. One to go.

Mark Dondero is worried that the Celtics might lose one out of every 12 games in the playoffs.

It’s the time of the season
When love runs high
In this time, give it to me easy
And let me try with pleasured hands

To take you in the sun
To promised lands
To show you every one
It’s the time of the season for loving

What’s your name? (What’s your name?)
Who’s your daddy? (Who’s your daddy?)
(He rich) is he rich like me?
Has he taken (has he taken)
Any time (any time)
(To show) to show you what you need to live?

Tell it to me slowly
Tell you what
I really want to know
It’s the time of the season for loving.

For the record, I think kombucha tastes absolutely terrible. Unless it makes me immortal, I don’t think I’m going out of my way to drink it again.

With Matthew Slater retiring, it looks like Jabrill Peppers is the new fan favorite of the returning group. A great choice.

Get your servers in order, men of DraftKings.

Jordan Montgomery is now widely believed to be wearing on the last nerve.

Honk if you miss Jimmy Orthwein.

Watched May December last night. That’s two hours of my life I’ll never get back. Movie is just empty, has nothing to say, no insight into its characters, no action. BAD.

Wait another ten years and Bill Simmons will know about gas station kratom!

A: Scissors, duct tape, elastics.

Is it me or Pizza Hut isn’t as good as it used to be? Like it’s alright but I feel like it’s not as good as it was.

That Sydney Sweeney has a certain je ne sais quoi. Perhaps two.

The two most famous Mickey’s in America are Mickey Mouse and Mickey Mantle.

No, Ryan Mallet was decidedly unavailable.

Do you know what Kate Middleton did the last 14 years of her life? Counterintelligence. Kate’s gone. There is no Kate.

Hearing from multiple sources that some trades may happen on trade deadline week.

Blitzing my way through the Apple TV shows after signing on for The Dynasty, and those twunts on Ted Lasso and Slow Horses say twat all wrong!

Back-to-back threes put the Celtics back in control versus Golden State. Bob Ryan must have hated that.

Have fun in Mid-America, UMass. Or something.

Did they dedicate a picnic table to John and Gerry down to Spring Training?

Congratulations to Captain Brian.

Rigor Mort?

Best bet for the weekend: YOU forgetting to set your clock ahead.

Mix it up with The15’s elite Elk Cavalry at your peril.

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Bill James, Old Friend BBtL, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. Handle with care, the digital ink is still wet on this edition.

And happy birthday to actress Connie Britton, of Spin City, Friday Night Lights, and Nashville fame.

2/21/24 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

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JACKIE SLATERSON.

The Patriots new coaching staff is big enough to need its own post office and fire department.

Wow. That Nick Gemelli guy is somehow less funny than Plain Black Hat.

Notorious social butterfly Larry Bird.

The Red Sox roster looks pretty well set going into spring training. They just need to find the right people to fill in the last 17 or 18 roster spots.

Hey, Jaylen didn’t dribble the ball off his leg during the dunk contest!

William Byron won the Daytona 500 after rain forced the rescheduling of the event to Monday? That’s what happens when you build a racetrack so close to the Great Lakes.

We will take a shootout win to semi-salvage the homestand, Bruins. Good luck on the road trip.

Dan Shaughnessy had heart surgery? What, they finally gave him one?

Cakes are cooking for Bob Ryan, Tyne Daly, Olympia Snowe, Jerry Harrison, William Peterson, Kelsey Grammer, Alan Trammell, Jake Steinfeld, Chuck Palahniuk, Terry Allen, Wish Bone, Ashley Greene, and Phil Jones.

UMass won that one for “Trigger” Burke. RIP.

Just left the grocery store and I have a take: There are too many kinds of apples now. Not saying we should go back to just red but the number of options is confusing. Around 5 types of apples are enough.

It rocks that Sabrina Ionescu did that. great accomplishment. super fun. very rad event.

Hey gang of attention seekers, his week’s Phrase that Pays is, “How do you look at a baby and name it Kirk?”

Tony Mazz: ‘Caitlin Clark is the real deal.’ You think so, doctor?

I’m sure Mrs. Looch regrets saying whatever it was that made him angry. Please respect their privacy at this time.

Billionaires will always- always – billionaire.

Red Line: Delays of about 10 minutes due to an earlier medical emergency at Park St. Trains may stand by at stations.

It’s funny that running only one mile per day didn’t do shit.

Bill looks like he’d rather be watching video of Linda getting her implants removed than being interviewed for The Dynasty documentary.

Going forward, there needs to be a 100 NBA minutes played that season minimum to participate in the dunk contest.

Yeah, I’m very much enjoying Heel Rock.

Why was Market Basket so crowded on Monday? was it because of the holiday and school vacation?

Caitlin Clark must get so much clam.

News item: Iditarod’s reigning rookie of the year disqualified from 2024 race for violating conduct standard. Also; the Iditarod has a conduct standard.

Steering with her knees, she’s got both hands free.
Using cruise control you know, reaching over she likes to tease.

She said, “Ride-
Rev it up, rev it up, little boy and ride”
She said, “Let’s ride-
Rev it up, rev it up, little boy and ride”

Just use your body, don’t need to hitch-hike
When you ride with me little boy take it any way you like.

Remember that period in the 1980s when there would be two or three new baseball movies every year? That was fun.

The Raiders are hiring former Dolphins head coach Joe Philbin as their new senior offensive assistant, source said. After spending time as the Cowboys OL coach and the Ohio State senior analyst, Philbin is back in the NFL to lend experience to Antonio Pierce.

Honk if you remember Eric Heiden.

So long Matthew Slater. You only get one of those. Aww yeah.

My favorite winter storm that changes track at the last minute and fizzles out? The next one.

“Oh boy, I’m not even sure I want a farewell tour!” said LeBron out loud to a question no one really asked.

Root canal? Not as painful as expected.

An A for effort from Sony Pictures for the pivot to, ‘Madam Web is SO bad, you HAVE to see it!’

Por vs Para is an important part of knowing Spanish.

National Lacrosse League announcing a relocation mid-season is absolutely wild and also I thought we were just past that kind of stuff.

The wing, that’s an important part of the airplane, right?

Drew not seeing the doc producer’s intent to make him look like an entitled jerk it may as well have been a disguised blitz package.

Best bet for the weekend: a still-smarting from the loss at Creighton UConn vs Villanova in Storrs on the night they retire Rip Hamilton’s jersey.

FFS.

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Bill James, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. Flying Under Radar.

And happy birthday to actress hyphen singer Jennifer Love Hewitt.
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