Tag Archives: kansas-city-chiefs

Football Cat’s Thanksgiving Picks ’25

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Turkey fans enjoy giving out gobbles this time of year, but what about America’s fastest, and fattest, growing dietary subgroup the Porksaterians? Well don’t worry Porky, we’re here to satisfy you with a serving of oinks.


Grant Huckvale (a.k.a. Hogdale):
Hogdale carved a niche for himself as an overly exuberant alternative broadcaster to the stoic and bland official Red Sox play-by-play teams on NESN and WEEI. Over the summer you’d see Hogdale clips occasionally retweeted into your timeline, usually after Red Sox wins, and you’d think to yourself “I think that’s the tops“. We probably all agree that Hogdale is special. Smash cut to present day, and we are confronted with a hog of a different color. Barstool, in an effort to fill an obese chromosomically challenged void in their lineup, swooped in and waved a lucrative (by part-time minimum waged Iowan standards) five figure contract in front of Hogdale’s snout and lured him into their slaughter house. Now Hogdale’s giant screaming maw is ever present, ever hot takey and ever annoying. To quote Rocky IV: “What started out as a joke has turned into a disaster”.
4 oinks 🐷🐷🐷🐷

That will do pig

Thanksgiving early eaters time
Packers at Lions (-2.5)
Jungle Kings slice and dice Cheese Heads

Thanksgiving late eaters time
Chiefs (-3.5) at Cowboys
Squantos feast on the Pilgrims

Thanksgiving overeaters time
Bengals at Ravens (-7)
Scary Black Birds bury Burrow’s boys

Black Friday Afternoon Nap time
Bears at Eagles (-7)
Birds bully Bears

Football Cat lives in New Hampshire, enjoys watching football, and is a cat.

Football Cat’s Championship Sunday Picks

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News item: Some new executive orders have just been signed…

  1. “Saturday” will be renamed to “Caturday”.
  2. Catnip will be allowed to flow across the Southern border.
  3. All online betting advisors will be required to publicly display their success rate or something else (*wink wink*).
  4. Amnesty for the accused in the “Shedd Park Incident of July 4 1992”.
  5. Laser pointers will be outlawed.
  6. Designated nap times throughout the day, with comfortable sleeping spots readily available in all public spaces.
  7. All deadbeat squatters will be evicted from the homes of their deceased mother’s former boyfriend. Their cats will be allowed to stay.
  8. Dogs will be banned from most public areas, with designated “dog parks” far away from cat territory.
  9. Anyone using “Y’all” will be banned from all social media platforms, even the Chinese ones.
  10. Humans must be readily available for head scratches and belly rubs whenever a cat desires.
  11. Only Union workers will be allowed on the roads between 4 am and 6 am.
  12. The records from the Loyko investigation must be immediately released.

SUNDAY EARLY DINNER TIME
Commanders at Eagles (-6)
American Birds haven’t been this surprised by a Commie offensive in January since 1968

On that day our platoon sergeant sacrificed himself so we could all make it home alive. RIP Sgt.Thornton.

SUNDAY EARLY PROWL TIME
Bills at Chiefs (-1)
As has played out on the great plains for hundreds of years, the Native Americans, once again, take down the Tonawanda Tatanka


The buffalo seemed more stunned by the audacity of the tactic than they are surprised the wolves are actually dudes

Football Cat lives in New Hampshire, enjoys watching football, and is a cat.