Welcome to November! As a gift just for you, Football Cat is giving you an extra hour of sleep on Sunday. Just remember Football Cat’s internal clock is still on Daylight Saving time. Please be considerate to your cats.
Why haven’t I been fed yet?
SUNDAY LUNCH TIME Cowboys at Falcons (-2.5) Birds beat Boys
Broncos at Ravens (-9.5) No post-Halloween hangover for the Scary Black Birds.
Halloween is over people
Dolphins at Bills (-6) Hairy Cows trample Tua
Saints (-7) at Panthers Black Cats get skinned on All Saints Day weekend
Raiders at Bengals (-7) Stripey Cats save their season
roar
Chargers (-2) at Browns Elven magic short circuits the Bolts
This would be a much better mascot than Brownie
Commanders (-3.5) at Giants Red wave drowns the G-men
Patriots at Titans (-3.5) Ass over Tits
As far as the state of New York is concerned, you are the “ASSMAN”
SUNDAY DINNER TIME Bears at Cardinals (-1) Not even two Hail Marys and three Our Fathers will beat the Bears this week.
Better get Pete McNulty on the phone.
Jaguars at Eagles (-7.5) American Birds poop on Spotty Cats
It’s s fun hat
Lions (-3.5) at Packers Jungle Kings devour Meat Men
The lower extremities are never on sale
Rams (-1.5) at Seahawks Rams steamroll Seattle
SUNDAY PROWL TIME Colts at Vikings (-5.5) Vikings rape and pillage poor Jumpball Joe.
Poor Joe
MONDAY PROWL TIME Buccaneers at Chiefs (-8.5) The march towards perfection continues.
TUESDAY ELECTION TIME Remember,when in doubt vote Football Cat. Vote early and vote often!
Welcome to the “Era of Good Felines”
Football Cat lives in New Hampshire, enjoys watching football, and is a cat.
Please join us in wishing a very Happy 14th Birthday to Football Cat!
In lieu of gifts please show your support by purchasing some wonderful genuine merchandise. Football Cat’s birthday comes but once a year, so splash out some of that cash you’ve been accumulating from following the picks.
SUNDAY LUNCH TIME Ravens (-9) at Browns Unless the Browns are starting Tippi Hedren at quarterback, expect the Scary Black Birds to run rampant.
They should remake this movie with cats.
Titans at Lions (-11.5) Jungle Kings bounce Tits
Colts at Texans (-6) Texans corral the Colts
Get along little kitties!
Packers (-4.5) at Jaguars Pack Men make mincemeat out of the jet-lagged Spotty Cats
Not again!
Cardinals at Dolphins (-3) Drips dizzy Dolphins drop Deacons
Jets (-7) at Patriots Mayo is not handing in his D.O.R just yet. Jets crash and burn. Love lifts us up where we belong.
He’s got nowhere else to go!
Falcons (-2.5) at Buccaneers Mmmmm, creamsicles.
With just 100 calories per bar, it’s the classic ice cream on a stick dessert that you can enjoy without guilt.
Eagles at Bengals (-2.5) Stripey Cats feast on American Birds
The Migratory Bird Treaty Act was not violated in the making of this image.
SUNDAY DINNER TIME Saints at Chargers (-7.5) Saint Eligius’ gang defeats the Saints
Yes, even electricians have a patron Saint.
Bills (-3) at Seahawks Fake Sea Birds upset Hairy Cows
Bears (-2.5) at Commanders Marxist Mariota leads the Commies to victory
“Quarterbacks control the means of offensive production.”
Panthers at Broncos (-9) Black Cats have trouble adapting to the thin air
At altitude, cats prefer hockey.
Chiefs (-10) at Raiders Mahomes’ team finally defeats Brady’s team
SUNDAY PROWL TIME Cowboys at 49ers (-4.5) Federales rob gold diggers
Badges? Badges! We don’t need to show you any stinking badges!
MONDAY PROWL TIME Giants at Steelers (-6.5) Giants can’t defeat Men of Steel
Good luck getting a kid into “Walter’s International Wax Museum” for 40 cents nowadays.
Football Cat lives in New Hampshire, enjoys watching football, and is a cat.
Congratulations on all that sweet cash you made following last week’s picks (10-3 against the spread, and 11-2 straight up – not that we’re keeping track). As a way of saying “thank you”, head on over to the official The 15 Store and load up on some genuine merch during the big October sale.
I can’t believe this awesome shirt is on sale for only $16!
SUNDAY TEA TIME Patriots at Jaguars (-5.5) Spotty cats lose to New England in Olde England.
SUNDAY LUNCH TIME Bengals (-4.5) at Browns Stripey cats use the Dog Pound as their litter box.
It’s actually an improvement.
Lions at Vikings (-1.5) Jungle Kings knee cap the Vi-Kings
Texans at Packers (-3.5) Texans grind up the Meat Men
Someone get Upton Sinclair on the phone.
Eagles (-3.5) at Giants Baby New York wins the game, but loses the Belichick Bowl.
And they have pretzels
Dolphins at Colts (-3.5) Drips dizzy Dolphins dropped
Seahawks at Falcons (-2.5) Real birds defeat fake sea birds.
Titans at Bills (-8.5) You’ll see tits on a bull before you see the Tits beat the Bills.
Superfluous
SUNDAY DINNER TIME Panthers at Commanders (-7.5) The Swamp Things may not be as good as they’ve looked, but the Black Cats are worse than they’ve looked.
Raiders at Rams (-5.5) Cleveland-LA-St. Louis-LA Rams win the Transient Bowl over the Oakland-LA-Oakland-Las Vegas Raiders
I once faced down the devil.
Chiefs at 49ers (-1) 49ers win the Super Bowl rematch, but don’t actually avenge the loss, then spiral into a deep depression.
I’m sorry, did you say something? I wasn’t listening.
SUNDAY PROWL TIME Jets at Steelers (-1.5) Men of Steel master Metropolis
It’s a bird…it’s a plane… no wait, it’s eaten the bird… all the birds.
MONDAY EARLY PROWL TIME Ravens (-3.5) at Buccaneers Scary Black Birds get Buccan-owned
MONDAY ACTUAL PROWL TIME Chargers (-2.5) at Cardinals The bad night for birds continues as the pretty Red Birds get zapped.
Shocking!
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Football Cat lives in New Hampshire, enjoys watching football, and is a cat.
More wins than losses Week 4. How many more? Exactly enough, wise guy. Week Five:
(Bye week teams: Pumas, Plugs, Phils, & Pontoons)
SUNDAY TEA TIME Jets vs Vikings (-2.5) Biggest Viking defeat in England since the Battle of Stamford Bridge back in 1066.
Wot wot?
SUNDAY LUNCH TIME Panthers at Bears (-4) Black Panthers haven’t partied like this since the days of Bobby Seale and Huey Newton.
You dig?
Ravens (-2.5) at Bengals Stripey cats take down scary black birds.
Bills (-1) at Texans Tatanka topple Texans.
Sorry ’bout that pardner.
Colts at Jaguars (-3) Spotted cats will need to leave the country to find a win.
Dolphins at Patriots (-1) Mayo’s mutineers drop Coach Drip.
I’ll take any mutineers nose and hang them by the highest yard marker!
Browns at Commanders (-3) Mystical fairy men get bogged down in the Maryland malarial swamp.
SUNDAY DINNER TIME Raiders at Broncos (-3) What do you call a giant hill made of kittens? A meow-tain! (Try the veal, tip your waitresses and take Denver.)
erk!
Cardinals at 49ers (-7.5) Purrrdy feasts on pretty Red Birds.
Packers (-3.5) at Rams Meat men master muttons.
Giants at Seahawks (-6) Fake Sea Birds sasquatch the Giants
Is that BSJ’s John Karalis?
SUNDAY PROWL TIME Cowboys at Steelers (-2.5) Men of Steel win the Super Bowl X, XIII, and XXX rematches!
MONDAY PROWL TIME Saints at Chiefs (-5) After KC wins they will have successfully completed the first quarter of their inevitable march to a perfect season/three-peat.
Football Cat lives in New Hampshire, enjoys watching football, and is a cat.
Week 3 review. Not as good as week 1, but not as bad as week 2. Acceptable.
SUNDAY LUNCHTIME Saints at Falcons (-2.5) When in doubt, always bet against the bird team.
Rams at Bears (-3) LA wins the Second City Bowl.
Not the Hollywood hills. Probably.
Vikings at Packers (-2.5) The Sam Darnold experience comes to its inevitable end.
Steelers (-2) at Colts Go Horse.
Go Horse!!!
Broncos at Jets (-7.5) New York nixes Nix
Eagles (-2) at Buccaneers American birds soar over soggy field conditions.
Bengals (-4.5) at Panthers Some cat fights are more visually appealing than others (e.g. Lucy vs Taylor). You can avert your eyes from this one. Stripey over black.
Achtung: Panzer!
Jaguars at Texans (-6) Spotted cats have to win sooner or later. It will be later.
Zzzzz
SUNDAY DINNERTIME Commanders at Cardinals (-3.5) Little Red Birds are too tired after their long flight and fall to the Commies.
Patriots at 49ers (-10) Hopefully the residual Friday Funny effect can carry the locals through the Sunday Sads. Purrrdy pummels Pats.
Browns at Raiders (-2) Go with the Elves over the Elvis impersonators.
TCB.
Chiefs (-7) at Chargers Kelce will score 3 TDs as Andy Reid finally cracks open the Taylor Swift playbook.
Wait, what?
SUNDAY PROWLTIME Bills at Ravens (-2.5) Hairy cows aren’t afraid of scary Black Birds.
MONDAY EARLY-PROWLTIME Titans at Dolphins (-1) Look for the Tits to burst out in Miami.
Jan Hammer Miami Vice theme music intensifies
MONDAY PROWLTIME Seahawks at Lions (-3.5) Big Cats bring the Fake Sea Birds down to Earth.
Football Cat lives in New Hampshire, enjoys watching football, and is a cat.
Yeah, I know. Even the clamdicappers were laughing at how terrible my picks were last week. I probably would have told you the Pats were going to cover the spread versus the Planes Thursday. What can I say? It was a very tough week to be a cat. Plus, I only got 19 hours of sleep the day before. On to this week…
SUNDAY LUNCHTIME Giants at Browns (-6.5) If YOU think some Giants are going to waltz into Elf Land and come away victorious, then I’ve got some magic beans to sell you.
Bears at Colts (-1.5) Colts clobber Caleb.
Alliteration! Awesome!
Texans (-2) at Vikings Sam Darnold will be seeing ghosts and stars after this one.
Eagles at Saints (-2.5) American birds can’t win on American soil. They should keep flying South.
Chargers at Steelers (-1.5) One Har-bro can beat all your Primanti Bros put together.
French fries and cole slaw INSIDE the sandwich!?!
Broncos at Buccaneers (-6.5) Fun fact: Bo Nix has the shortest full first and last name combo in NFL history. Hopefully that will assuage his grief after yet another loss.
Packers at Titans (-2.5) Pack men gobble up tits.
SUNDAY DINNERTIME Panthers at Raiders (-5) Black cats ride the Red Rocket to victory!
firework noises!
Dolphins at Seahawks (-4.5) Fake Sea Birds drop Coach Drip’s Dolphins.
Lions (-3) at Cardinals Jungle Kings don’t even both trying to find the pretty Red Birds kneecaps, they just devour them whole. A little shakin’, a little tenderizin’ and down they go.
Ravens (-1) at Cowboys Scary Black Birds open a can of whoop ass at Jerry’s World.
49ers (-6.5) at Rams Brock Purrrrdy continues to make everyone forget about the worst trade in NFL history.
SUNDAY PROWLTIME Chiefs (-3) at Falcons Every fan in attendance gets two bags of chips, two hot dogs and unlimited drink refills. Which is good because they aren’t getting a win.
MONDAY PRE-PROWLTIME Jaguars at Bills (-5) Someone needs to ask Trevor who he is tanking for.
WHO ARE YOU TANKING FOR???
MONDAY PROWLTIME ACTUAL
Commanders at Bengals (-7.5)
Stripey cats get off the schneid on their own schedule, very feline of them.
Football Cat lives in New Hampshire, enjoys watching football, and is a cat.
The BBQ Sundae at the Big E was too much even for me.
Hey Lama, how about a little something, for you know, the effort?
I hope you set aside some of Week One’s winnings to buy some treats for Football Cat!
SUNDAY LUNCHTIME 49ers – 5 vs Vikings Brock Purrrrrdy and the prospectors plunder the Vikings
Chargers -5 vs Panthers Black cats can’t help crossing their own path, get zapped by Chargers.
ZZap!
Colts -2.5 vs Packers Horsies stomp the Meat Men into the unfrozen tundra of Lambeau Field.
Giants vs Commanders -1.5 Pituitaries pound Pol Pots.
Saints vs Cowboys -6 Jerry Jones and his many illegitimate children must have had a good laugh after reading that article about Rub-and-Tug Robert’s Hall of Fame struggles. Jerry’s good time keeps rolling.
Cheshire Cat grin
Browns vs Jaguars -3 Spotty cats devour the mystical fairyland sprites.
Jets -3.5 vs Titans My father Bert Bell tells me that in 1959 this would have been a match-up between the “Titans of New York” and the “Oilers of Houston”. Much like Lucy will ultimately outlast Taylor, the original Tits triumph over the new Tits.
Rrrowwl
Buccaneers vs Lions -7.5 Jungle Kings feast on pirate patellas.
Raiders vs Ravens -9 Scary birds don’t break a sweat.
Caw
Seahawks -3.5 vs Patriots Good thing mean old Bill is gone, otherwise he’d inexplicably replace Malcom Butler as honorary lighthouse keeper at the last minute – with no explanation! WTF! The Mayo-noise will be earsplitting after the Patriots start 2-0.
SUNDAY DINNERTIME Rams vs Cardinals -1 Male sheep stomp pretty red birds.
Bengals vs Chiefs -5.5 Stripey cats get their first win of the season at Burrowhead.
Me heap big appropriate your culture!
Steelers -2.5 vs Broncos Men of Steel can’t handle the thin air. The mile high horses run wild.
SUNDAY PROWLTIME Bears vs Texans -6.5 After the he messes with Texas, Calib Williams will be left in tears, seeking solace in the loving embrace of his mother’s arms.
MONDAY PROWLTIME Falcons vs Eagles -6.5 I love watching birds fight! The American birds prevail and the losers gets in my belly!
You, uh, you white meat or dark meat?
Football Cat lives in New Hampshire, enjoys watching football, and is a cat.
Patrick Mahomes has more lives than a cat, but I can’t pick against Brock Purrrdy. Competent game management wins Soupeys. So there.
My SB MVP Pick? former Panther Christian McCaffrey
Halftime performance cameo appearance with Usher? Doja Cat.
Best SB commercial: Hellmann’s ‘Mayo Cat’
Mayo Cat
Thanks to all the humans who assisted in me making my picks this year. Except when they steered me into the wrong team. Hiss! Let’s do this next season! Unless I don’t want to.
Football Cat lives in New Hampshire, enjoys watching football, and is a cat.
The 15 