Tag Archives: Boston Sports Media

5/8/24 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

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Plain B(lack) Hat. He’s back.

Shertenlieb to WZLX? Our short, regional nightmare is finally over. But will the wacky bits work sandwiched between Meatloaf and Molly Hatchet? Enjoy obscurity.

You all want Tatum to be a point guard. Don’t @ me.

Mmmm, meatloaf sandwich.

Upton Bell was still working in football the last time the Knicks won a title.

Boy that Gorman “goodnight,” huh? That’s one you don’t forget.

Watching Lohrei handle the puck immediately after Wotherspoon is hilarious. It’s like they play different sports.

Why are the refs so deferential to Denver? It makes zero sense.

Cakes are cooking for Gary Glitter, Chris Frantz, Mike D’Antoni, Philip Bailey, Alex Van Halen, Bill Cowher, Lovie Smith, Ronnie Lott, Melissa Gilbert, Omar Camporese, Hiromi Arakawa, Enrique Iglesias, Jussi Markkanen, Joe Bonnamassa, John Maine, Adrian Gonzalez, Kemba Walker, and Olivia Culpo.

Kobe anally raped a woman, but Pat Bev was mean to the middle-aged lady. He should leave.

The Mets are like the lottery one day you win big and the next day you lose a lot.

Jalen Brunson looks like Abby Chin without makeup.

They fired the reigning In Season Tournament winning coach? Odd. And sad.

Hey gang, this week’s Phrase that Pays is, “Are you going to spend vacation watching a trial on your phone?”

Macklin Celebrini? That’s not a hockey player name, that’s the name of an advertising agency.

It’s free to subscribe to Pat Bev’s podcast. That lady was just being difficult.

What do people even do with bookmarks?

Tatum is gonna have to take over one of these times and steal us a game. Or perhaps even steal us a series. Or neither, seeing as basketball is a team sport.

How much at auction would Darren pay for ‘genuine human emotions?’

Carlo has a kid – flies in late, plays, scores. Rudy Gobert has a kid- smokes weed, goes on the ‘Gram, misses game(s).

Hope Keith Foulke is happy that he lost a fan!

Red Line Reminder: May 11-12 (This Weekend) Shuttle Buses replace service between Broadway and North Quincy due to bridge and track work. Regular Red Line service will operate between Ashmont and JFK/UMass during this work.

Jamal Murray looks like an extra in Raid on Entebbe.

Carl Yastrzemski. I stood next to him once at a store. There were a handful of men there. None of us spoke to him, though he gave me a head nod. I know he is a man and yet somehow, we all knew that he is more than that. He quietly disappeared from the store as if he was an apparition.

The Indianapolis Star’s Gregg Doyel is in the middle of a two-week suspension after the Caitlin Clark press-conference controversy. He will not cover any Fever games live this summer.

Shukri must be the Philly equivalent of Charlie on the MTA. All abroad!

Pitchbots are a stain on the beautiful troll community.

My kid just walked into the room. Sees Leafs vs. Bruins warming up on TV. “What? It’s boy’s hockey” with full indignation. “Why isn’t there girl’s hockey on?” She’s 5 and will never know a world where we can’t just turn our TV on and see pro women’s hockey players, and I love it.

Why does Kenny Smith need to have a video if all he’s doing is counting to 12?

Friends say it’s fine, friends say it’s good.
Everybody says it’s just like Robin Hood.
I move like a cat, talk like a rat, sting like a bee.
Babe, I’m gonna be your man.

It’s plain to see,
You were meant for me.
Yeah, I’m your boy,
Your 20th century toy.

Kendra Middleton’s peanut allergy story was lifted straight out of the film Fallen.

PWHL Boston – playoff bound.

Mutnansky is still in Monte Carlo playing baccarat with his Kentucky Derby winnings, right?

Just say you don’t know the joke. It’s OK.

If you take Aiden the Turtleboy’s place in line for the Karen Read case, he’s gonna kick you out of the Lollipop Guild.

Sears has medicine balls on sale today. Great prices.

Does interviewing Samir Suleiman satisfy the Rooney Rule the way having Brandon Hunt in for an interview does?

Honk if you remember the Dunkin coffee coolatta.

I haven’t slept for ten days, because that would be too long.

Love that there’s more outrage about Pat Beverly being mean to a reporter than there is about him beaning a woman in the crowd in the head with a basketball.

No, you did not ‘catch a stray’ during the Tom Brady Roast.

I can take 30 Minions right now and throw them in the NFL. You cannot take 30 NFL players and put them in the Minion Ice Cave. jmt

ACAB and ‘bitch clearly did it’ are not mutually exclusive thoughts.

What is it with Kennedys always losing part of their brains?

Best bet for the weekend: packed brunch spots on Mother’s Day.

WOW.

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Mitch Hedberg, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. What you gonna do when you get out of jail?

And a happy birthday to Josie Maran, SI swimsuit model, actress and skincare & cosmetics entrepreneur.

4/24/24 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

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Busy sports night tonight. And tomorrow!

So, you see, Boston is a city in the United States, which is a different country than Canada, where Toronto is located.

Robert may have yappa-yappa-yappa’d himself out of a spot in the HoF this year? You hate to see it.

Was that foul on Tatum by Martin an example of Heat Culture?

You can win a hockey game scoring only two goals, but you’re more likely to lose.

In short, go to Pittsburgh to catch a game or two. Stay at a hotel where you can walk to the park, see a few museums, stroll around. You’ll have a fine time.

Bobby Orr has looked exactly the same for forty years.

You don’t have to actually watch the Pat McAfee Show, you can follow one of those transcription services. Alex Barth, for example.

Zach Wilson getting traded to the weed capitol of the US is an absolute meme.

Pavel Zacha for Erik Haula – Sweeney’s deal with the Devil(s).

Hey Kevin Maggiore ..Bruins better win this series ..because if they don’t ..they will be consequences

Dave McCarty, he’s with La Schelle Tarver now. RIP to both.

Cakes are cooking for Shirley MacLaine, Rob Hyman, Eric Bogosian, Vince Ferragamo, Michale O’Keefe, Stuart Pearce, Cedric the Entertainer, Dino Radja, Omar Vizquel, Stacy Haiduk, Todd Jones, Ken Klee, Chipper Jones, Lee Westwood, Kelly Clarkson, and Ashleigh Barty.

The lady who plays the lead in those The Nun movies must be freaking stoked when they announce another sequel.

So Gregg Doyel made a fool of himself? What is this, 2015?

The New England Revolution strengthened their backline on Tuesday after trading for 2019 MLS Cup winner Xavier Arreaga from Seattle Sounders FC in exchange for a 2025 international roster slot and up to $75,000 in cash.

Congratulations to Tim ‘Sarge’ McKane on the permanent third banana spot middays.

High stick! Wrong thread.

Hanging off the side of a 20-story building grinding metal in the rain. This is the kind of thing I chose to get good at in life

Blue Line Reminder: Through April 28 Shuttle Buses replace service between Airport and Wonderland due to track work.

A lonesome death? Either multiple people beat the life out of him, or his girlfriend ran him over. Either way he was surrounded by people. And perhaps a dog.

Hello Gang of car petting baggers! This week’s Phrase that Pays is, “It’s stupid and frankly gross.”

If I were a goose I’d be a mute one. Honking is so embarrassing.

One other thing about Hubie Brown: anyone who has attended a Hubie basketball clinic or lecture has come away spellbound.

You think Mike Silver still thinks about kissing Wendy Peffercorn?

Rooting for the Red Sox these days is kind of like driving an old beater that you never get serviced. It runs great for a few days, and then something happens, and you have a week of borrowing your brother’s truck.

Father Time Stumped The Schwab.

FYI: Ham salad from Brentwood NH is worse than any bologna I’ve ever had. Just saying.

Instead of ‘doggos’, just say dogs. It’s shorter.

Memories
Light the corners of my mind.
Misty watercolor memories
Of the way we were.

Scattered pictures
Of the smiles we left behind.
Smiles we gave to one another,
For the way we were.

Ever wonder why bread can be in a plastic bag but we can’t pack groceries in plastic bags?

RIP Lawrence M. Krause III.

Working in sports = never not working.

You’ve gotta be a little nuts to be a beekeeper. There isn’t enough money in the world you could pay me to do that.

Not nearly enough people played Horizon Zero Dawn.

Honk if you remember Argeo Paul Cellucci.

Paul Bissonnette is blacker than Deuce Tatum. What?

Liz put me on to Chappell Roan and idk if it’s the ADHD but I‘ve barely listened to anyone else since.

Ryan Poles on if he’s ready to declare Caleb Williams the Bears 1st overall pick: “We know what we’re gonna do, but everyone’s gonna have to wait until Thursday.”

If you have two black swans…

Sal? Don’t worry about him. He’s living in upstate New York, with a nice, loving family on their engagement farm. Plenty of room for him to run around and cancel people!

Carb loading only sounds like fun until you actually have to do it.

I was listening to the Sox game the other night and one of the sponsors is Chock Full o’ Nuts coffee. Like, what the fuck year is this?

Best bet for the weekend: Messi-Mania!

It’s going to be great when he doesn’t play because of the turf.

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Bill James, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. People who need people. Are the luckiest people in the world.

And Happy Birthday to actress Melinda Clarke.

4/17/24 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

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Happy trails, fellas.

Enjoy your last few broadcasts before retirement, Jack Edwards. May your muffin never tumble into the Chinese mustard.

Rich Keefe is jealous of Alex Cora’s job security.

Good job running, Sisay Lemma.

I heard the Be Like Mike song and commercials centered around Michael Jordan were originally meant for Mike Gorman.

Everyone’s killing Ippei the interpreter but give him this: he showed good restraint not betting on baseball.

The next time Lucchino dies Henry and Werner will try and make it.

If Norm Macdonald had been alive for everyone giving him his flowers over O.J. it would’ve put him on tilt that he couldn’t fixate on the first day of The Masters.

So, just roll out same menu from 2023 for the Masters Club Dinner next year?

Cakes are cooking for Jan Hammer, Dwane Casey, Nick Hornby, Sean Bean, Norman Esiason, Maynard James Keenan, Henry Ian Cusick, Liz Phair, Marquis Grissom, Adam McKay, Redman, Gordon Laro, Jennifer Garner, Tony Boselli, Kenneth Carlsen, Theo Ratliff, Victoria Beckham, Brad Boyes, and Rooney Mara.

Everybody’s genuine interest in WNBA salaries is duly noted.

There are the owners…and then everyone else. That’s how it works in the NFL. I never forget it.

New England’s professional soccer team fell in penalties last night.

We will all remember Blake Griffin for many reasons, but I will always admire him for his classy Big Brother mentorship on the ‘22-23 Celtics.

Blue Line Reminder: Service changes beginning today for track work. April 17-19: Shuttle Buses replace service between Maverick and Wonderland. April 20-28: Shuttle Buses replace service between Airport and Wonderland.

Hey gang who stans, this week’s Phrase that Pays is, “Do the roar.”

Orange Line Reminder: April 20-21 (This Weekend) Shuttle Buses replace service between Forest Hills and Ruggles for signal work. Commuter Rail service will be free to ride between Forest Hills, Ruggles, Back Bay, and South Station.

R.I.P. OJ. You taught me it was OK to leave a toxic relationship.

Whenever I listen to Jared Carrabis I feel like I’m listening to Ryan Reynolds. They sound the exact same.

The last thing anyone on the Karen Read did it side wants is a trial.

Hey cicadas, finish the job this time would ya? We get it. You do numbers. very cool. Now do whatever you came to do and get all the way lost. We’ve got enough to deal with.

Why can’t we not be sober?
I just want to start things over.
Why can’t we sleep forever?
I just want to start this over.

I want what I want.
I want what I want.
I want what I want.
I want what I want.

I think, to complete the spirit of Jackie Robinson day, that all of the teams should be required to wear the same uniforms.

Few have ever looked as good as Andrew Garfield in The Social Network.

Cerrone Battle? This is what a March Sadness snub does to people. Motivation. Tough times make tough people.

Sylvester Stallone daughters. Whoa.

Idk if I’m the only one who thinks this, but I swear when a chain coffee shop is in a gas station it tastes a million times better than just a normal coffee shop.

Bob Kraft calling someone “untrustworthy” is like Ray Flynn calling someone else a drunk.

Dolphins GM Chris Grier told reporters that the team plans to pick up the fifth-year options for WR Jaylen Waddle and pass-rusher Jaelan Phillips prior to the deadline.

Honk if your PIN number is baseball related.

If this elbow in injury is the end for Daniel Bard at age 38, he is a person who pitched that I will forever respect. To go without an MLB pitch from 4/27/2013 to 7/25/2020, never surrender, throw 197 games through ’23 w/10K/9 IP with courageous dignity…well, he’s a Bard.

And let’s don’t forget Verne Lundquist. He retired too.

Me? I’m a self-diagnosed autodidact.

Did John Sterling misjudge how many games were left in the season like it’s a fly ball to center?

Free wine? You had me at hello.

Great article in The Athletic about long-overlooked research into the best way to draft in the NFL by Viking beat writer Alec Lewis.

After a magical US Open Cup run, soccer darlings El Farolito fell to the Oakland Roots in the third round.

So long, Phoenix Coyotes. Ice hockey really wasn’t a fit in the high desert. Good luck in, (checks notes) Salt Lake City?

Is a 1 PM start in basketball like an 11 AM start in baseball? Asking for a friend.

I assume NESN brought Jack into a room and played a montage of him saying ‘Jurksztowicz’ this season.

With MLB’s Herzog’s passing, there can’t be that many Whiteys left out there. RIP.

No shame in falling to Denver in the Frozen Four Championship, BC. They never lose those.

No, we can’t exchange Masataka Yoshida for a different Jap player. No substitutions!

If you had told me in early 2011 there would ever be a point I would far prefer the Jacobs Crime Family to the Kraft’s and Henry/Werner, I’d have suggested you should seek help, fuckface.

Really though, O.J. Simpson? Good riddance.

Best bet for the weekend: a few dozen more mockable mock drafts.

Bring him home.

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Bill James, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. Heh heh, ‘Tool.’

BdlG. Artsy. And freckle-y.

And Your 2024 #The15 March Sadness Champion is…

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Tawm the twit.

Tom E. Curran.

It appears that the Chinderella Kadlick bloc of voters stayed home in silent protest. As is their right. And also that Mike Felger choked during clutch time, caller! Fact: not opinion!

Thank you to all the media contestants, to the voting public, to the Selection Collaborative, and to The15 at large. Let’s do this again next year! (Or something similar sooner than that!)

All rights reserved The15Dynasty LLC MMXXIV

2024 March Sadness Championship

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In the Consolation Match, Mike Kadlick proves no one cares about a Cinderella once their carriage turns back into a pumpkin. No glass slipper, just a glass jaw in a loss to Squeaky Tony Mazz who finishes in third place in consecutive tournaments.

Yes, you’re a winner, pal.

Now on to the final act of The Big Sads – Felger vs. Curran. Two formerly ink-stained wretches. An irresistible farce meets the immovable object of derision. The Carpetbagger vs. the Lakeville Dagger. Missing eyebrows vs. hair transplants. Wisconsin Cheesehead vs. New England PotatoMan. Miserable Cuck vs. Heel Turn for a Buck. Both highly deserving. Two men enter, one man leaves. Choose wisely, voters.

Given the importance of this matchup, the poll will remain open for 24 hours, closing at this time Friday.

Dear readers, if you have been enjoying this year’s Mediot Tournament, or the ones previous, or the Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer columns, or the articles investigating the local sports media, or any of our other features, or the Twitter hijinks of the local collaborative, please consider making a one-time donation. Site registration isn’t free. The Crowdsignal plug-in that tabulates the votes costs money as well. Or in the alternative visit our The15 Genuine Merchandise page and buy a shirt or a mug? Up to you. Thanks again for reading.

4/3/24 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

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Lawrence ‘Larry’ Lucchino. Former Red Sox President/CEO. Complicated legacy, and things of that nature. RIP.

Uh, Dawn Staley; Lisa Leslie? Ever heard of them? Didn’t think so. You’re welcome!

The Revs are the canary in the coal mine. All those problems at the cardboard box factory are spreading throughout Kraft’s empire.

Kim Mulkey dresses like Don Cherry’s spinster niece.

Another arena, Spectrum Center, where the upper deck fans have no shot at the t-shirt toss. #Celtics #Hornets

Opening Day should be a national holiday.

Am I the only one who wants to say Peekie to go along with Geekie? Probably. I’m an idiot.

Cakes are cooking for Jane Goodall, Wayne Newton, Tony Orlando, Alec Baldwin, Eddie Murphy, Mike Ness, Pervis Ellison, Mike Lansing, Picabo Street, Adam Scott, Koji Uehara, Leona Lewis, Amanda Bynes, and Jay Bruce.

The TV closed captioning tried to decipher ‘Flau’jae’. It looked like a Peter Gammons tweet.

Maybe Bobby Dalbec should wear a grapefruit rind under his ballcap the way Babe Ruth did a cabbage leaf?

Out: Spring peepers. In: Spring skiing.

Caitlin Clark definitely deserves the nickname Ponytail Pete, as in Maravich.

Orange Line Reminder: April 6-7 (This Weekend) Shuttle Buses replace service between Forest Hills and Ruggles for signal work. Commuter Rail service will be free to ride between Forest Hills, Ruggles, Back Bay, and South Station.

I just thought I would mention. . .trucks do not have DNA. Appear to be some advertisers who are confused about this.

Zach Edey must get a nice post-game work out, when the villagers chase him home with pitchforks and torches.

I was at Whole Foods (PeteCarrollStrut.gif) and saw a guy who looked EXACTLY like Hitler. Had the ‘stache and everything. My wife wouldn’t let me take a picture.

1,500 hits for Mookie. WCWGPLT?

Hey gang of Squidneck Nostradamuses! This week’s Phrase that Pays is, “Sensing a Caleb Love takeover game.”

Rashee Rice has ‘running from the cops’ speed.

Not even sure if this food take is controversial but if you haven’t tried mixing Diet Coke with milk you’re missing out.

Brent Rooker’s walk up song is ‘Edge of Seventeen?!?’

Eddie Goldman signed with Atlanta back in 2022, retired, came back in 2023, then was done before training camp. Now, he’s back.

You’ll never guess which Peter Pan media guy is questioning why the fat kid didn’t play football instead of basketball!

Angel Reese wears more makeup during a game than Dakota from Braintree.

Red Line Reminder: April 6-7 (This Weekend) Shuttle Buses replace service between Broadway and Ashmont & Broadway and North Quincy for bridge work & station maintenance. Express shuttles will replace Commuter Rail service between Braintree and South Station as well.

Says James, “In my opinion, there’s nothing in this world,
Beats a ’52 Vincent and a red-headed girl.
Now Nortons and Indians and Greeveses won’t do,
Ah, they don’t have a soul like a Vincent ’52.”
He reached for her hand and he slipped her the keys
He said “I’ve got no further use for these.
I see angels on Ariels in leather and chrome,
Swooping down from heaven to carry me home.”
And he gave her one last kiss and died;
And he gave her his Vincent to ride.

Is there anything more baseball than John Fogerty’s “Centerfield” playing during pregame workouts on a beautiful morning at the ballpark?

Please ban the phrase “Green light special.” I’m begging them.

Shit, I somehow missed this Lou Gossett, Jr. news over the weekend. His performance as Sgt. Foley is nothing short of iconic. Absolutely mesmerizing in the role. What a legend of the industry. “Mayo-nnaise.”

Honk if you remember Janet Marie Smith.

A bit of irony in the fact that KC’s ballpark plan died the same day as Ballpark Builder Larry Lucchino. If Larry had been in charge in KC he would have had architects lined up, land purchased, and a 100-page brochure produced before he said one word about it to the public.

Bob Kraft has black friends! He does!

Smoke bombs and flares from the Club América fans at Gillette. Looked great, plus you couldn’t see, which helps watching the Revs. 4-0.

That breath we all hold when Clark’s shot is in the air..

The clock finally struck midnight on Chinderella Kadlick in Mediot Madness. Sad.

Good thing Dick Flavin went first and spared us a Lucchino poem.

Have fun getting that elusive Soupey without Diggs AND Hamlin, Buffalo.

Best bet for the weekend: Huskies & Boilermakers move on in the men’s tourney.

Eerie.

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Bill James, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. The sights and sounds of London Town.

Happy Birthday to Canadian actress Cobie Smulders.
Maybe we can change the sign Thursday, Collaborative. Walk it off.

March Sadness – The Four You Deplore

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No Fooling.

It’s Felger’s third time getting to the Four You Deplore, his radio partner Tony got this far last tourney as well, TEC and Kadlick are in uncharted territory. Should be interesting.

Polls will stay open until Midnight EDT, 9 PM PDT. Vote responsibly.

March Sadness ’24 – The Hateable Eight

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And now a few loving words about “The Hateable Eight”, courtesy of everyone’s favorite meteorologist enthusiast and aspiring journalist, “Joshua from Marion”…

Region C: Mike Felger (1) vs Chris Gasper (2) “I’m not gay or anything but my idol Michael Felger is one handsome mofo.” – Feb 29, 2024 “Gasper is such a fruitcake but I love him too.” – Dec 1, 2023

Region V: Tom E Curran (1) vs Dan Shaughnessy (6) “Good Saturday evening @tomecurran, just wanted to say I love your hard hitting and intense reporting. As someone who had hoped to be a journalist someday, I admire the way you go about craft. Go #Patriots tomorrow even tho the Colts will probably beat them. Take care man.” – Nov 11, 2023 “Only @Dan_Shaughnessy could bring more darkness to the airwaves of @985TheSportsHub than @adamjones985” – Aug 9, 2018

Region N: Mike Kadlick (16) vs Jim Murray (2) “Notice how there’s been zero response by @mikekadlick. There’s several reasons why. Shhhhhhhh you can hear the crickets once the facts come out. Sit down.” – Jan 7,2024 “@bigjimmurray I’ve met him before and he’s not a POS. He wasn’t putting on a front either. He’s said bad things, we’ve all said bad things but we shouldn’t crucify him for life because of it. I believe in forgiveness. I believe in humanity working things out. If not, hit the button already. – Mar 27, 2024

Region T: Tony Massarotti (1) vs Albert Breer (3) “Hey @TonyMassarotti, I know you’ve been getting a lot of shit lately from callers but never forget you are a great guy and talented individual. I’ve met you before at Newbury Comics and you were super classy and gracious. Most people don’t know the real you. – Nov 9, 2021 “I love me some Breer. He’s a true professional and although some of his predictions may be outlandish, he’s willing to sit and take the heat about them. ” – Oct 26, 2023

Remember to vote, and don’t forget to stop by your local parish and get your feet washed tonight!

Polls will stay open until Midnight EDT.

(Preview courtesy of Patrick from Andover del Norte.)

If you have been enjoying this year’s Mediot Tournament, or the ones previous, or the Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer columns, or the articles investigating out local sports media, or the Twitter hijinks of the local collaborative, please consider making a one-time donation. Site registration isn’t free. The Crowdsignal plug-in that tabulates the votes costs money as well. Or in the alternative visit our The15 Genuine Merchandise page and buy a shirt or a mug? Up to you. Don’t make a maniac out of me. Thanks for reading.

3/27/24 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

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Zacha with the game winner!

Bruins with the spirited comeback in the face of adversity against a playoff bound Florida squad. You love to see it.

Jaylen always presses during Ramadan. They’ll be fine.

“Brings a lot of energy” is what you say when someone isn’t very talented.

I’m hearing whispers the Patriots were in on Jordan Montgomery.

Imagine losing a 4-leg parlay because the team you take on the money line blows a 30-POINT lead! I might blame it on my interpreter.

Robert Kraft saying adding a daycare to Gillette is an easy fix has real George Costanza claiming credit for designing the addition to the Guggenheim Museum energy.

Cakes are cooking for Tony Banks, Bobby Lalonde, Thomas Wassberg, Andrew Farriss, Ed Pinckney, Quentin Tarantino, Randall Cunningham, Xusa, Mariah Carey, Kirby Dar Dar, Fergie, Michael Cuddyer, Manuel Neuer, Buster Posey, Brenda Song, Jessie J, Kimbra, and Lalisa.

Coach Mayo is the Lourdes of verbal crutches.

I loved the old days when we didn’t know anything about athletes except the factoids you could glean from the backs of baseball cards- “In the off-season Harmon Killebrew enjoys hunting and fishing.”

Mike Greenberg crying because the Celtics lost on his birthday makes it a good loss.

So Ohtani found his former interpreter’s actions to be, uh, inscrutable?

Malcolm Butler would not have been cuffed & stuffed in Rhode Island if Bill had traded him to Seattle.

Orange Line Update: The work for Sunday, March 31, has been cancelled. Shuttle Buses will replace service between Forest Hills and Ruggles on Saturday, March 30, only.

There’s no candy more festive than an Easter bunny made of chocolate.

The NE Revolution have two Gils, which makes them amphibious.

If you put cayenne pepper in your bird feeders you won’t get squirrels and things (I know this sounds mortgage-free Western Mass as shit but it works)

Yet Boston still in more ways than one is home where my heart is.

Well you know just what you do to me.
The way you move soft and slippery.
Cut the night just like a razor.
Rarely talk and that’s the danger.

It’s the one thing.
You are my thing.

Hey gang, this week’s Phrase that Pays is, “Those sunglasses look like they’re made of Spanx.”

Turns out little people have a short fuse.

Hip Drop Tackle? Was that the Cherry Poppin Daddies disappointing follow-up to Zoot Suit Riot?

Unless you watch the Red Sox regularly, it is impossible to explain how funny it is to watch Rafael Devers. He’s just unconsciously funny all the time.

Kicked it on NBA Today and Malika actually wasn’t in a pants suit. Would’ve lost that bet.

Yesterday was the worst thing to happen to Francis Scott Key since Carl Lewis. I hope the missing workers are ok.

Quality Iranian nougat is phenomenal.

Mars rules sports and athletics and competition. Caitlin Clark is an Aries Mars, which checks out when you hear her talk about getting kicked out of PE class as a child for being too competitive.

Bored of the life in the city of gold
He’d left and let nobody know
Gone were the towers he had known from a child
Alone with the dream of a life
He travelled the wide open road
The blinkered arcade
In search of another to share in his life.
Nowhere
Everyone looked so strange to him.

They’ve got no horns and they’ve got no tail
They don’t even know of our existence.
Am I wrong to believe in a city of gold?
That lies in the deep distance, he cried.

An awful lot had to break just right for UMass Men’s Hockey to back into the Tourney. Best of luck to them.

Honk if you remember Russell Stover premium pectin jelly beans.

How come when you ask a bartender to change the channel on the TV they look at you weird? Like, I’m asking you to press a button on a remote, not split an atom.

If you roll the ball in bounds it should be an automatic turnover.

The poor overworked WEEI Show Staff Picture graphics department.

The Red Sox; they might surprise.

Jake Rosenberg, salary cap executive and GM Howie Roseman’s longtime aide, is leaving the Philadelphia Eagles.

Oh look, Don Orsillo making a death about him.

I liked Keith Tkachuk but his kids are entitled assholes.

Mister Kraft misspoke when he said ‘girlfriend.’ He of course meant, ‘baby mama.’

Best bet for the weekend: Huskies. Not just a Toughskins size anymore.

“GREAT IDEAR, DON. THE MOUSTACHE COVERS UP A LOT, KIND OF LIKE I DID WITH MY SON JARED.”

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Bill James, Old Friend Laszlo Panaflex, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. Drank!

And happy Birthday to actress Elizabeth Mitchell and her versatile smirk, who you might remember from ‘Lost.” Or for other reasons.

2/28/24 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

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Well, bye.

Peter King. A true journalist that could be bought for a lifetime by a ride to an NFL training camp and a plate of cafeteria scrambled eggs. Mr. King plans to spend his retirement with his family and learning to recognize subtle social cues.

You are gonna have to try a little harder Grim Reaper to get ol’ Jeff Howe!

So now the Sox have a Jason Alexander and the grandson of the actor who played Mr. Ross. Maybe Crazy Joe Davola has a nephew who can really hit.

I feel like the owner shouldn’t continually repeat the story about calling the coach a schmuck.

After watching most of two hockey games on TNT, I can’t get “The Rhythm of the Slice” out of my head.

Yes, but storming the court is also awesome.

Cakes are cooking for Mario Andretti, Donnie Iris, Mike Figgis, William Finn, Ricky ‘the Dragon’ Steamboat, Cindy Wilson, Rae Dawn Chong, Djamolidine Abdoujaparov, Tim Goad, Shawn McEachern, Eric Lindros, Jason Aldean, Jamaal Tinsley, Natalia Vodianova, Karolína Kurková, Jelena Janković, and Luka Dončić.

Oh waaaah; I’m so lonely playing basketball for 50 million a year. If only I was in Florida I wouldn’t be as lonely.

Does Fanatics know that their baseball pants are sheer? does Fanatics know that their baseball pants are going to be like a wet t-shirt contest after one inning?

The winners in the NFL salary cap spike? Everyone. But an especially big win for quality players at premium positions. Teams have that much more room to reset the market (hello, Justin Jefferson) or pay very good players near the top of the market.

Imagine thinking we have an ethos.

I am officially convinced the people who run MLB are brain dead idiots. Lots of people like me want to see all 30 ballparks. So smartly I wanted to kill two birds with one stone and see both Baltimore and Washington on the same weekend this summer. However, the geniuses who run the game didn’t schedule both the Orioles and Nationals to be home on the same weekend ONCE ALL SUMMER. Like who the hell is making the decisions down there good grief wake up.

The Red Sox not jumping on making Mike Monaco full time is insane.

A thought while reading the tributes to Peter King. Don’t measure your success on who you stepped over in your climb, but by those you carried along the way. Be respectful of others. I think that’s forgotten lately, and the best tribute to Peter King is to be a Peter King.

Ok but why is CVS the most expensive store for no reason?

Hey gang of ribald comedy enthusiasts, this week’s Phrase that pays is, “Was Meat vaxxed?”

Update: Lonzo Ball is still unable to sprint.

Michael Holley talking about Bill’s hubris is incredible.

Watched a college game tonight with Drew Carter on the call and he’s a billion times better when he’s not giggling and jerking Scalabrine off.

Lemon trees don’t make a sound,
’til branches bend and fruit falls to the ground, baby,
Sweet baby.

Swayman with more rebounds than Carrie Bradshaw.

Does everyone remember that one day like seven years ago when we thought male rompers were gonna be a thing and everyone did the funniest tweets about it? Best day in Twitter history.

India will never make a World Cup in soccer.

We were at the beach.
Everybody had matching towels.
Somebody went under a dock,
And there they saw a rock.
It wasn’t a rock’
It was a rock lobster!

Rock lobster!

Rock lobster!

Rock lobster.
Rock lobster.

You ever get to the bottom of a bag of coffee grounds and realize you have no idea what this one specifically tastes like? Couldn’t pick that flavor from a lineup. Drank it exhausted for two weeks, don’t think I noticed what I was drinking once. Forgettable. It was just…coffee.

Hey @PFF, it looks like you have the Steelers and Rams reversed in Round 2 of your mock draft simulator (unless I’m missing something)

Damian Lillard is a huge loser who NBA fans treat like Kobe because he stayed in Portland longer than expecting before forcing his way out. I understand that NBA fans are by and large the vapidest dummies on earth but Christ. He’s never won shit and he comes off as a whiny little bitch. Play basketball and then go home and play video games with no financial worries? He’s living the life of a ten-year-old. Dame time.

I’ve never seen a single person inside a Mattress Firm.

My favorite thing about having a cat is when I come home we just softly scream at each other for an hour like sometimes us girlies just need to eckkk I think this is why my mom loves my cat so much too.

Fun Fact: the Bruins have Olympia Ice Resurfacers. First NHL team to own a Zamboni, first NHL team to get rid of Zamboni.

I don’t think I can ever leave Boston again because on any given weekday I can text my parents “what’s the move” like we’re frat brothers and they’ll actually respond with a move.

Full moons are one of life’s simple pleasures. They sneak up on you and they’re awesome.

Honk if you remember the final episode of M*A*S*H.

We are heartbroken to report that Flaco the Eurasian Eagle-Owl has died after an apparent collision with a building on West 89th Street in Manhattan.

Johnny Miller thinks Sean McAdam looks terrible.

Leap Day is the perfect time to end the overtime game streak, Bruins. Think about it.

Years back I ran into Don Rickles at Foxwoods and said hi. He made fun of me. Perfect celebrity interaction.

If the NWSL had pro/rel the USWNT would have beaten Mexico.

A: Zibby Puleio.

The Dynasty is the Star Trek V of Patriots documentaries.

Wait, full moons don’t sneak up on you; they happen on a regular and predictable basis.

Arguing that a player should be in the Hall of Fame because he is better than the worst mistake from the past is like arguing that I ate some spoiled fruit yesterday, so I should eat some more spoiled fruit today.

In sports!

B- for coach was the highest grade on the Patriots NFLPA report card. Belichick, owning.

Have more awards shows.

Best bet for the weekend: Celtics keep the win streak alive.

Flaco. Breathtaking, but sadly not elite.

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Bill James, Old Friend Sixty, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. Roam if you want to. Roam around the world.

And happy birthday to actress Ali Larter, who will always be Allegra Coleman to me.
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