Tag Archives: baseball

01/07/26 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

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My advice: No travel. Barring that; steer into the skid.

Now Brother Jim Harbaugh finally has a chance to sit back, collect his thoughts, and read the NFL rule book.

A 50-point game from Jaylen! And then not. But the Celtics still won!

Ballots to the Hall in Cooperstown remind us how especially terrible the baseball contingent of sports media is.

Fun Fact: David Pastrnak has the most goals scored in 2026.

With all due respect to Dua Lipa, why is NBC using a British singer to advertise the winter Olympics taking place in Milan, Italy? Am I missing a connection somewhere?

Nobody at the gym yaps more than a guy in Adidas windpants.

I’m going to give Swayman a pass for last night, he’s probably still distracted by Trocheck making Team USA.

Merry New Year!

Cakes are cooking for Frederick Drew Gregory, Jim Lefebvre, Leona Williams, Andy Brown, Jann Wenner, Kenny Loggins, Erin Gray, Sammo Hung, David Caruso, Katie Couric, Linda Kozlowski, Kathy Valentine, Jeff Montgomery, Ron Rivera, Nicolas Cage, John Ondrasik, Doug E. Doug, Jeremy Renner, Alfonso Soriano, Éric Gagné, Aloe Blacc, Ivan L. Moody, Chris Messina, Lauren Cohan, Ruth Negga, Brett Dalton, Jon Lester, Lewis Hamilton, Lamar Jackson. and Ozzie Albies.

News Item: Peacock adding enhancements that may allow fans to mute announcers, control crowd noise.

The X makes the S superfluous in ‘Jaxson.’

Tom Heinsohn was a very interesting man. Great player. Two-time championship coach. Decorated insurance man. Brilliant artist. Excellent wordsmith. You got the idea he could be good at anything he tried.

Blue Line: Delays of about 10 minutes due to a signal problem between Aquarium and Maverick. Trains may stand by at stations.

Can we next task Delta Force with rescuing Auston Matthews from the ingrate Torontonians?

Underrated: setting your heat for 50° and coming home to it being 54°.

Damn don’t give New Era your phone number. Countless texts trying to sell me expensive baseball hats.

Hey gang of Pacific Island holdouts, this week’s Phrase that Pays is, “I’ve figured out that gifs only get fucked up in group chats. 1 on 1 chats, they’re good. I know this doesn’t help at all.”

Being in sports media is just as demanding as being an actual athlete or coach! Source: Sports media.

I see that worried look upon your face
You’ve got your troubles, I’ve got mine
She’s found somebody else to take your place;
You’ve got your troubles, I’ve got mine
I too have lost my love today
All of my dreams have flown away
Now just like you I sit and wonder why;
You’ve got your troubles, I’ve got mine
You need some sympathy, well so do I
You’ve got your troubles, I’ve got mine
She used to love me, that I know
And it don’t seem so long ago
That we were walking, and we were talking
The way that lovers do.

Anyone who kicks in my door, is getting stabbed in the throat.

Is there a DVD available for purchase of Laura Rutledge running from the sideline coach’s interview to the halftime report desk for all 17 games?

Ending credits of Stranger Things should have been to Shadows of The Night.

Amelia Earheart was as real as a person as Helen Keller.

It’s like you don’t even care to know that “Maneater” by Hall and Oates held its spot at #1 for a 3rd consecutive week this time back in 1983!

A classy statement from John Harbaugh, sent out from the Ravens. Love the emoji in his goodbye… perhaps an NFL first.

Florida is a very strange individual.

One of the wives of Cary Grant was Barbara Hutton. Her grandfather was Frank W Woolworth who was the founder of the F W Woolworth Company. Barbara’s cousin was the actress, Dina Merrill.

Honk if you remember the Blizzard of 1996.

I would like to see the Celtics wear throwback green road unis with ‘CELTICS’ on the front.

Why did Pete Carroll tarnish his legacy like that?

For nothing more than curiosity, it’d be interested to see if just once an entire cycle’s fired NFL head coaches would all join one team on the same staff and see how they could do. I’m sure there’d be jockeying about who’d be the HC or whatever but would be cool to see the collective wisdom from failure all concentrated into one effort. Just for fun.

Tony Dungy looks like if you left Kareem Abdul-Jabbar in the sun too long.

Can we argue about NFL MVP today please?

Big Sky Conference!

Best bet for the weekend: One NFL feline team wins, and one loses and goes home.

So we’re doing it like this again, huh?

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Joe Giza, Buckner’s Legs, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. Walk like a penguin.

And happy birthday to retired LPGA golfer Natalie Gulbis.

12/31/2025 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

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Yep. That’s a hat all right.

Little Jonathan and Dummy Mayo should have had to drive around Greater Boston and hand out hats and tee shirts door to door.

Where was Chloe the dog when all this was allegedly happening?

I watch “Patriots All-Access” every week solely to see how disgusting Zo looks.

Love getting sucked in watching these late Bruins games and being more miserable.

There are (at least) two other humans named “Efton Chism”?!?

Pats are officially all the way back. Dominating Sports page and the Inside Track.

You’ve fallen into the BBWAA’s clever trap to get people talking about baseball at the end of December! Take some laps.

Why are Notre Dame fans mad at BYU?

Sandy Koufax (90), Tiger Woods (50) and LeBron James (41) all celebrated birthdays yesterday. I’m not into Astrology, but I’d like to hear what some student of the stars could tell me about that phenomenon.

Cakes are cooking for Anthony Hopkins, Alex Ferguson, Andy Summers, Ben Kingsley, Taylor Hackford, Barbara Carrera, Diane von Furstenburg, Burton Cummings, Tim Matheson, Bob Gilder, Tom Hamilton, James Remar, Jane Badler, Bebe Neuwirth, Paul Westerberg, Rick Aguilera, Scott Ian, Paula Barbieri, Brent Barry, Joey McIntyre, Psy, Jason Campbell, Denée Benton, Ryan Blaney, and Gabby Douglas.

PFF numbers are complete and utter fake news. Everyone knows this right?

I’d watch an Uncrustables Bowl.

Somali day care owners in Minnesota think CLNS is a scam.

It’s a good problem to still get worked up when this Celtics team loses winnable road games.

Hey there gang Of very with It pop culture experts! This week’s Phrase that Pays is, “Cardamom B is my favorite Spice Girl.”

Somebody get Cox Media Group and Verizon Fios TV in a room.

My brother took our Dad to the phlebotomist at Gillete Monday am and saw Hollins walk in. Had a bad feeling when he told me.

You also know the Patriots are back when any matchup would be “bad news for the Patriots” according to the scribes.

Dondy’s gonna open his fill-in spot tomorrow with Greatest Stranglings in Sports History.

Blue Line: Delays of about 10 minutes while a maintenance train inspects the overhead wires between Airport and Wonderland. Trains may stand by at stations.

Rich Eisen is the worst. Was Dennis Miller not available?

It’s pretty cool that all of the men and women who work at Barstool have massive tits.

CeCe Peniston had another song?

Best Christmas ever. Had Kowloon with the boy and Nigeria was bombed.

I love a free Snoop Dogg concert during the game. But they hardly ever have a free football game at a concert.

The Patriots beat more women than Martina Navratilova.

Sunisa Lee is my favorite NFR photographer.

Doug Drabek had a better prime than Andy Pettitte did.

I’m so stressed out that I DMed someone to ask if they wanted to see my bologna and now I’m worried I might have been a creep.

All lesbians are Irish-coded, so I’m ok with them being firefighters.

I’m sure Diggs is a total dickhead to be around but I’m also sure every other text on his phone reads something like “is you high bitc”

Chris Broussard looks like Eddie Murphy when he wore whiteface.

Wow, Bert Bell thought an NFL team could have success in one of the biggest cities in America? One with an existing 90,000+ seat football stadium? What a visionary.

In Diggs’s defense, have you ever met a chef? Some of the most egotistical psychos you’ll ever meet. Look at Jen Royle, for chrissakes!

Every chick looks better with the ponytail through the baseball hat. #facts

Do any religions recognize pop tarts as valid sacrifices?

I’m very disappointed this team the media characterized as being a bunch of no-names, cast-offs, reclamation projects and bargain bin finds is probably going to miss out on the #1 playoff seeding due to a tiebreaker.

Meanwhile, in the Bills Mafia Twilight Zone episode, they learn that the only thing that can wedge their championship window open for another season is an undamaged folding table.

Honk if you remember the movie Bill Murray and John Candy co-starred in.

‘Efton Chism’ sounds like a mild oath someone’s aunt might use instead of profanity.

Imagine being proud of yourself or having fun.

You know you’re playing in a prestigious college bowl game when it starts at 11 AM.

Don’t want to close my eyes
I don’t want to fall asleep
‘Cause I’d miss you, baby
And I don’t want to miss a thing
‘Cause even when I dream of you (even when I dream)
The sweetest dream would never do
I’d still miss you, baby
And I don’t want to miss a thing.

Belichick did it right and got the guys a flophouse for when things got heated.

The US Juniors Squad seems to be good.

Should we start a rumor that McConnell called Walsh a cancer patient? Let us know in the comments.

Q. Game time temp is 55 degrees, why are all the in sportz ladies wearing gloves and winter hats? A. It’s cute cozy SZN. Also, broads get cold very easily.

25 years of not giving a tinker’s fig about who wins the NFL MVP comes in real handy right about now.

What do you mean what do I need night vison goggles for? To see in the dark! Duh!

Pour one out for the hip hop artists and such that we lost in 2025: DJ Unk, Irv Gotti, Gene “Groove” Allen, G$ Lil Ronnie, Lotto Savage, Sayso P, Jemini The Gifted One, Young Scooter, and Young Noble. Some at the top of their profession, others mid-process of turning their lives around. Tragic either way.

How fast can Barmore start dating Nicki Minaj?

Every time I see “retread coach” I think it says, well, you know.

Sometimes the Falcons play good, sometimes they don’t.

I will say, the thermostat can cause a lot of issues in a house. Not making excuses.

Rodney Harrison is more worthy of enshrinement in Canton than the majority of those finalists this year. Laughable.

Best bet for the weekend: Patriots fans waiting for a third shoe to fall.

We say farewell to both 2025 and legendary French actress Bridgette Bardot. Ooh, and might I add, La La.

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Joe Giza, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. Colored lights can hypnotize.

And happy birthday to Chinese-born actress Gong Li.

12/10/2025 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

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Oh no.

Notre Dame still has a chance at the CFP if Mike Pence does the right thing.

People saying Herbert was rude to Laura Rutledge are nuts. That was nothing; I’m ruder to more people than that every day before 8 am.

Great time of year for sports. Spring Training right around the corner.

Boy genius Jaylen Brown not understanding what having an extra chromosome means is still more proof Bill Nye is not a science guy.

Whether you like the Colts or not, if you’re not rooting for Phillip Rivers like this is a real-life Disney movie, you’re not a true football fan.

Don’t even think about it, Tom Brady.

Dave Portnoy hates antisemitism. Hates it almost as much as losing a tiny sum of money on a bad beat!

Anna Michael Maye is 1000x more likeable than Gisele ever was.

Shams is basically the guy at your wife’s work who, in an effort to bang her, tells her every little transgression you’ve ever made and will even make some stuff up if it gets her in the sack.

Cakes are cooking for Gloria Loring, Walter Orange, Susan Dey, Jack Hues, John J. York, Mark Aguirre, Kenneth Brannaugh, Paul Assenmacher, Nia Peeples, Robin White, Bobby Flay, Luis Polonia, J Mascis, Mel Rojas, Rob Blake, Brian Molko, Meg White, Matt Bentley, Patrick Flueger, Raven-Symone, Teyana Taylor, Kiki Layne, Joe Burrow, Maja Stark, and Alex Steeves.

The actual football fans will be watching the Idaho vandals take FCS by storm in 2026.

Hey gang of f-f-f-f-lipping winners, this week’s Phrase that Pays is, “We saw in some of the early games that the pill was kinda slippery.”

Guess what? You don’t get to be the ombudsman when you were a Mayo guy until the bitter end.

I’m a big vest guy. Mimics my wetsuits and keeps my core warm. And speaking of wetsuits, I won’t get in the water if the air temp is below 45 and the water temp is below 50. Different when I was younger but I’m old and a bit of a bitch now.

Families allow you to spend time with people you would otherwise never associate with.

Mary J Blige doesn’t get enough credit.

At some point the Dodgers will sign big free agents they don’t even have spots for and pay them to stay home so other teams can’t get them.

Blue Line: delays of up to 10 minutes due to a signal problem at Airport.

I’m 100% Irish 2nd generation and vinegar hasn’t come with 100 ft of any French Fry of mine..!!!!

It’s easy to confuse novelty acts.

Aroldis Chapman’s next arrest will be for pushing his wife’s face into some spotted dick.

Is it me…or are NFL officials getting worse? You can’t watch a game without seeing so many mistakes by those guys.

Spar varnish!

Gees, you’d think Pete Carroll had put an already-showered and dressed in street clothes Caitlin Clark back in the game to try and get one more assist to have a triple-double.

Soccer is behind cricket but above emu jousting in popularity in Australia.

Honk if you remember Bruno Sammartino.

Florio might be hated as much as Volin among the local media.

You know who Mike Gesicki loves? Mike Gesicki.

Researchers have recently coined a term to define Bob Kraft’s particular speech impediment. They call it “Orchids Aphasia”.

I’ll drive a million miles
To be with you tonight
So if you’re feeling low
Turn up your radio

The words we use are strong
They make reality
But now the music’s on
Oh baby, dance with me, yeah

Rip it up, move down
Rip it up, move it down to the ground
Rip it up, cool down
Rip it up, don’t hang me on the borderline

Everybody have fun tonight
Everybody have fun tonight
Everybody Wang Chung tonight.

I thought Fred Durst was dead; turns out I mixed him up with that fellow from Smash Mouth (RIP).

Jeff Kent? I guess.

The Ravens aren’t afraid to host YOU for Sunday Night Football!

Lay off Jake Elliott. He has rosacea.

What’s everyone’s encryption pin? Let us know in the comments.

Army. UConn. Wasabi Fenway Bowl. December!

Whenever I see this Notre Dame AD with the last name Bevacqua all I can think of is Tommy Lasorda’s rant on Kurt effing Bevacqua and I can’t stop laughing.

Maybe Texas Tech is good and that’s why they’re winning.

Jayson Tatum Ewing Theory Szn?

Best bet for the weekend: supremely overconfident Bills fans.

Spend over the threshold? And not have money for iced cream?

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Joe Giza, Old Friends Lebron and BBtL, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. Remember where we parked.

And happy birthday to actress-musician Summer Phoenix.

12/03/2025 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

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Jaylen is making the most of his opportunity.

The New England Patriots are back. Weep.

Wake up to a bunch of tweets from NBA reporters wondering what happened between the Clippers and Chris Paul. How about do your job and figure it out?

Nothing says rivalry weekend quite like UCF at BYU.

Jason Kelce’s eyebrows look like 2 Australian shepherds about to square off.

Basic math is now ‘analytics’.

The thing about Lane Kiffin is that he hates making things about himself. I can only imagine how hard this must be for him.

The Lions game not starting at 12:30 threw me off. A Thanksgiving staple.

I wonder if the Bruins players’ wives also made them get up early on Black Friday and drive them to Target.

Ryan Day bears an uncanny resemblance to Ming the Merciless.

What are there more of, “Kirk Minihane Show” ex-producers or videos of Turtleboi Aidan crying?

Cakes are cooking for Mickey Thomas, Rick Mears, David Hixon, Don Barnes, Franz Klammer, Melody Anderson, Kathy Jordan, Daryl Hannah, Julianne Moore, Mike Ramsey, Joe Lally, Andrew Stanton, Katarina Witt, Brendan Fraser, Montell Jordan, Harold Steinbrenner, Amy Helm, Laura Schuler, Lindsey Hunter, Paul Byrd, Vernon White, Bucky Lasek, Holly Marie Combs, Rainbow Sun Francks, Sean Parker, Tiffany Haddish, Anna Chlumsky, Jenna Dewan, Brian Bonsall, Michael Essian, Amanda Seyfried, Michael Angarano, Jake T. Austin, and Lil Baby.

If MLB has rules that apply to only one player, how soon until the NFL grants Mahomes possession of the ball no matter what at the end of games?

Rhody has a LB named Rohan Davy. No relation.

I liked New Mexico’s turquoise uniforms. The computers should’ve had that as a deciding factor.

Dallas plays football like chipmunks who found a bag of coke.

Hey gang of fake cancer survivors! This week’s Phrase that Pays is, “Making a big deal over quitting your social drinking is wild.”

Bring. Back. The. Patriots. White. Over. White. 80’s. Throwbacks.

The ‘There Are Too Many Streaming Services!’ Guy is my least favorite archetype.

Lem Barney has been upgraded from ‘dead’ to ‘alive’.

Not to go all Brad Rifkin on you, but elk and lingonberries are an incredible pairing.

Anthony Edwards looks like he can’t read.

Red Line: Delays of about 15 minutes due to a disabled train at Park Street. Trains may stand by at stations.

Thanksgiving games don’t need halftime shows. Sorry.

Wonder if Max Brosmer woke up today wondering when they play Holy Cross?

Korpisalo makes some good saves, but you always know when he’s playing because Bs are down 2 five minutes into the game.

Ian Eagle does a great job at play-by-play. A great mix of seriousness and excitement.

This is how we do it, all hands are in the air
And wave them from here to there
If you’re an OG mack or a wanna-be player
You see the hood’s been good to me
Ever since I was a lower case G
But now I’m a big G
The girls see I got the money
Hundred dollar bills, y’all.

Hollywood Brown sounds like the name of a hustler from a James Ellroy novel.

Post Malone is the pinnacle of the redneck-wigger aesthetic. A uniquely American archetype.

I’ve slept 29 hours and 43 minutes the last 3 nights.

Lamar must be wondering what he did wrong to have Josina dump him for Shedeur.

Honk if you remember to steer into the skid. And to warn people that you’re skidding, I guess.

Espn had Herbstreit, ‘Booger’, and then Joey Galloway out there saying you’re just being soft if you think Kiffin shouldn’t coach two teams. So fucking stupid.

Wearing my Barstool hoodie so that everyone knows I’m a cool guy who loves sports and chicks and gambling.

Too many evictions scheduled, man.

USF’s Alex Golesh to Auburn? This is a great hire. AG is a BIG culture guy. Excited to see what he can do there. I’ve never heard of him.

Never discount the power of sincerely offered glad tidings.

Who is forcing BYU? Win and in. Lose and not.

Jaylen Brown one of the quickest hair recessions in history. Had that sweet flat top like 5 years ago to this patchy, sloppy mess today.

Boston’s Snowport Holiday Market: Tourist trap, or bad rap?

Just an inscrutable play by Younghoe Koo.

Derek Thompson is the most fake smart writer I’ve ever seen.

Brian Walshe looks like Jay Sherman from ‘The Critic’.

So many catalogs arriving based on the questionable assumption I want to give the gift of cheese.

Best bet for the weekend: Good Kid Pasta returns to practice.

The Game. Zero winners.

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Joe Giza, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. I’m travelin’ down the road and I’m flirtin’ with disaster
I got the pedal to the floor and my life is runnin’ faster.

And happy birthday to Boston’s Own Alicia Sacramone, multiple time Gymnastics World Champion.

11/26/2025 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

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It’s okay not to be okay.

Don’t worry Minifans, Kirk will still be on all that Barstool shit you don’t care about!

Wonder if Bruins fans envision 63 one day hanging in the rafters. The number, not the player.

First Take is The View for unemployed men.

I see the 12-year-olds with meme accounts still have no idea how the NFL scheduling formula works

Cambridge is really an interesting city. It’s designed to look just like Boston and it wants so hard to be Boston, but it has none of the charm or way of life that make Boston what it is.

Ryan Clark has gotten so good at apologies they got him apologizing on behalf of Stephen A now.

I’ve grown entirely too fond of using balsamic glaze on just about everything.

I’ll never not root for Jacoby Brissett.

Aloha means goodbye. Aloha, Jim Mora. UConn’s a baseball school anyway.

Cakes are cooking for Rich Little, Jan Stenerud, Ethan Russell, John McVie, Art Shell, Richie Hebner, Ilona Staller, Harry Carson, Bob Walk, Dale Jarrett, Harold Reynolds, Chuck Finley, Adam Gaynor, Mario Elie, Jeff Jaeger, Garcelle Beauvais, Sue Wicks, John Stirratt, Steve Lofton, John Amaechi, Shawn Kemp, Winky Wright, DJ Khaled, Jamie Fiske, Natasha Bedingfield, Rita Ora, and Louis Ducruet.

Was today years old learning Reggie Lewis has the exact same birthday as Björk.

Just got a complaint from another worker that the demo im doing is too loud. You’ve got two options buddy. Put some fucking ear plugs in or find a new line of work.

I was an earlier sabermetrics adopter but yes this has gotten out of hand.

Worcester Line Train 519 (7:30 am from South Station) will make additional stops at Wellesley Farms through West Natick to accommodate passengers from terminated Train 1517 (7:10 am from South Station).

Head Dummy—is that better or worse than Viceroy?

Congratulations Medford! You get to wallow in filth and vermin while your eco-idiot mayor counts the green scam money. The real trash problem is at city hall.

Get well soon Will Campbell. And Jared Wilson. And Khryiris Tonga. And Neemias Queta.

Stephen A. Smith thinks everything in sports revolves around him. Cam not even on enough for everyone to know he’s on lol. There are people who still ask what happened to Max Kellerman and that was like 3 years ago.

I really enjoyed the hell out of @RealGDT’s FRANKENSTEIN on Netflix. Terrific filmmaker.

How can I worry about not having an SP2 when I still haven’t seen a WR1?

Mass Maritime football is basically 13th grade.

Marcus Jones read that terrible throw like a millennial ripping through Harry Potter.

I think I said this before but Josh Allen could really use a Stefon Diggs.

Josh is an unreliable narrator, like Holden Caulfield, or Dan Lifshatz.

Threw some chords together
The combination D-E-F
Is who I am, is what I do
And I was gonna lay it down for you

I try to focus my attention
But I feel so A.D.D.
I need some help, some inspiration
But it’s not coming easily

Trying to find the magic
Trying to write a classic
Don’t you know, don’t you know, don’t you know?

There’s an NCAA Mens basketball player named Jordan Marsh? Does he happen to have a recipe for blueberry muffins?

FYI: There was an entertainment world before 1970.

Nowhere for UMass Football to go but up. Or stay winless next year too, I guess.

I think I wouldn’t mind being hairless.

Sending my boss the lyrics to “Knuck If You Buck” was not on my bingo card for a Monday.

Geekie is studly. See what I did there?

Honk if you remember Bobby Orr’s last game as a Bruin.

Did Jahlani Tavai know ahead of time that Kirk was quitting the podcast?

Chris Gasper thinks you lose socks in the washing machine.

I laughed out loud when Gordon Wood popped up on Kenny Burns’ documentary.

Kirk stayed long enough with saddling Portnoy with a one-year Mut contract. Kinda respect it.

Wriggle is an underrated word.

Gonna pay an Indian guy to start an army of pro-Belichick accounts.

Maybe Orlovsky can be the new UConn coach. Mina can be the OC with her big football brain.

Best bet for the weekend: slow moving traffic.

Remember the reason for the season.

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Joe Giza, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. Over the river and through the woods.

Bianca says it’s okay to wear your stretchy pants tomorrow.

11/12/2025 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

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Yeah. Okay. Sure.

Hey stupid, there was another, even easier way to retire as a Patriot.

Poor Kacsmar. Maye won a game where he made “over” 26 pass attempts. That means six more weeks of not leaving the basement.

Might be time for JB to make the call to Dr. Leonard. Just sayin’,

Portnoy has a nutritionist, a personal trainer, and a personal chef and he’s still sloppy.

Baseball needs more awards. There; I said it.

Bill’s dream job becoming available enough to pry him out of Chapel Hill, caller?

Boston is cornering the market on Marco/Marko’s. Think Marco Scutaro wants a job with the Sox staff?

Ketamine makes you act inauthentic sometimes.

For Curt Schilling, there’s nothing hotter than sending someone to the showers. What?

Antonio Brown’s perpetual motion fall from grace continues. Tom vouched.

Cakes are cooking foe Wallace Shawn, Al Michaels, Booker T. Jones, Neil Young, Valerie Leon, Buck Dharma, Pooch Tavares, Jack Reed, Paul McNamee, Megan Mullally, Greg Gagne, Nadia Comăneci, Naomi Wolf, Erik Howard, Michael Moorer, Sammy Sosa, Tonya Harding, Mayte Garcia, Radha Mitchell, Ashley Williams, Cote de Pablo, Ryan Gosling, Anne Hathaway, Jason Day, and Russell Westbrook.

Nap Lajoie is the only Hall of Famer whose plaque includes the word “graceful.” Would loved to have seen him play.

Ending a bag of peanuts on a good peanut is an underrated great feeling.

Portnoy brought in Hogdale to look skinny by comparison.

Why didn’t Dondero pause for a longer amount of time before executing that completely spontaneous spit-take?

All the best football experts promote shady gaming apps.

Red Line Update: Delays of about 10 minutes due to an earlier train with a door issue at Davis. Service is proceeding.

Imagine having a kid and wanting to tell Perrault and Carrabis.

Zolak talked all over the 4th down stop, which was good because then he was all tuckered out for the Henderson run.

How is it 2025 in America and most stores in the mall don’t stock 3XL T-shirts?

National Signing Day and it’s some retard in a shitty cafeteria choosing between Endicott and Fitchburg State hats.

Who needs Mac & Cheese on Thanksgiving?

I’m so glad Rich Eisen went back to ESPN, so we don’t have to listen to his terrible play-by-play.

Mike Lombardi’s hair looks like when a guy in a 70s sitcom had a hairpiece that would fall off and he’d frantically put it on backward.

Papaya Gaming?

Hey gang of grifting gals, this week’s Phrase that Pays is, “She has the shape of a DeNucci.”

If tinnitus is a disability I’m Stephen fucking Hawking.

RA slurs so much that the generated captions don’t match what he’s saying.

Team Bucko Kilroy here. For reasons.

Hey buddy, haven’t you heard there’s a penny shortage in this country?

Seven game winning streaks. So hot right now.

Too soon to call Flagg a GM killer?

C’mon UMass!

Honk if you remember Grönk Flakes.

This is obviously all a ploy for Mina Kimes to promote her Mahjong app.

He’s a perfect stranger
Like a cross of himself and a fox
He’s a feeling arranger
And a changer of the ways he talk
He’s the unforeseen danger
The keeper of the key to the lock

Know when you see him
Nothing can free him
Step aside, open wide
He’s the loner.

So I can’t see the Northern Lights, but my cell phone can? That doesn’t seem fair.

The Cleveland Guardians pitchers were a good start, but when are they going to arrest Troy Vincent?

Celtics lead the league in the strong effort in helpful losses category.

Bo Nix with eye black looks like Bill Romanowski.

The irredeemable slobs at 98.5 are upset they can’t treat their workplace like a college dorm kitchenette.

BC basketball lost to Directional Connecticut? Was Bill O’Brien in attendance?

Every fanbase hates their OC no matter what. It’s ridiculous.

I’m not saying we bullied Joe into giving Walsh playing time, but I’m not not saying it either.

Have we mentioned that Pasta is a Good Kid? Because he is.

Best bet for the weekend: visits to the meat counter to order the fresh turkeys.

Mmmm. You can really taste the beechwood sawdust aging.

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Joe Giza, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. Gas glove available inside.

Monochromatic BdlG out and about.

10/22/2025 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

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It got a little dusty in the TD Garden last night, amirite?

Tough loss, Mariners. Can I interest you in a baseball poem?

Hoping that for his next investigation, Pablo Torre can find out how Katie Nolan keeps getting work.

NESN talking Patriots credit pie? Bill only ever got blame pie. And such large portions!

When you turn too many corners you end up back where you started.

Toucher, Adam 12, Hardy and Big Jim… why not make the entire station out of failed rock DJs?

If I had been playing in that media basketball game, I would have pulled my team off the floor. Sometimes you have to make a statement.

Dammit Carolina Hurricanes, stop wearing the Whalers branding as a skin suit.

Cakes are cooking for Christopher Lloyd, Derek Jacobi, Jan de Bont, Lee Meredith, Greg Hawkes, Jeff Goldblum, Bobby Blotzer, Cris Kirkwood, Barbara Potter, Leonard Marshall, Bob Odenkirk, Brian Boitano, Valeria Golino, Carlos Mencia, Ron Tugnutt, Shaggy, Shelby Lynn, Spike Jonze, Saffron Burrows, Tyrone Williams, Ichiro Suzuki, Jesse Tyler Ferguson, Brad Stevens, Jon Foreman, Olivier Pla, Heath Miller, Robinson Canó, Zac Hanson, Jonathan Lipnicki, Marcus Jones, and TreVeyon Henderson.

Love my gals of sports twitter today and always.

Hey gang, this week’s Phrase that Pays is, “We’re starting to reach the point where it’s no longer Drake may … it’s Drake is.”

You can be bald or gay but not both.

Globe Pitchbot makes Michael Hurley look like Patrice O’Neal.

Green Line D Branch Reminder: From 8 PM on October 24 through October 31. Local and Express Shuttle buses will replace service between Kenmore and Riverside for maintenance work.

FYI, Celtics season ticket renewal is March, with commitment to renew in February.

I wonder if Gene Simmons gave Ace Frehley’s family a Kiss coffin at half-price.

Guys, I don’t know if it’s been said before, but we’re starting to reach the point where it’s no longer Drake may … it’s Drake is.

Whomever convinced Chris Gasper he’s a good writer needs to be brought before The Hague.

Aaron Rodgers yelling is lowkey kinda scary.

Hate when I see a 12-year-old kid wearing a sliding mitt, but Vlad Jr. makes it look cool.

As usual I’m the only one in the exit row to review the passenger safety card. I don’t see any of these people helping in the event of an emergency.

It’s crazy, like, I was just thinking that we’re actually starting to reach the point where it’s no longer Drake may … it’s Drake is. Anyone else feel this way?

Savor all the moments we have left with Chris Berman.

Long Johns went on today. Sorry folks, but it’s officially winter. I don’t care what your calendar says.

White women love two things: fucking with their faces and autumn.

You know the Patriots are back when Joe Murray and Dondero open up the postgame show by complaining about the Patriots trying to force the run, and how the defense needs to play better.

Black cats conduct heat evenly.

Why do refs say, “by rule”? What else would it be by?

As I was driving home, a thought struck me: We’re starting to reach the point where it’s no longer Drake may … it’s Drake is.

Damn convenient the Charles River water quality markedly improved right before the Regatta!

And when I wake up in the morning
To feel the daybreak on my face
There’s a blood that’s flowing through the feeling
With a knife to open up the sky’s veins.

Some things will never change
You just stand there looking backwards half unconscious from the pain
It may seem rearranged
In the backwater swirling there is something that will never change.

The best murder weapon would be a Tupperware lid…No one would be able to find it.

Porzingis had POTS? So is he better now? I ask because the broads seem to make it their personality for the rest of their life.

Honk if you remember when Paul was dead.

The next day, local television journalist Clark Booth suggested, “Instead of playing a seventh game, they should spread tables and checkered tablecloths across the outfields and just have a picnic, a feast to a glorious World Series, and toast one another until dawn.’’

It’s alright to cry Marchy, crying takes the sad out of you.

Congratulations to K’Lavon Chaisson for being named AFC Defensive Player of the Week.

Salem Ghost Lantern Stroll!

After looking at Marchand in a Panthers uni all night now I look up and it’s Marcus Smart as a Laker.

The Celtics, they could surprise!

Best bet for the weekend: we draw inexorably nearer to the point where it’s no longer Drake may … it’s Drake is.

It stayed fair, 50 years ago.

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Joe Giza, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. She’s drivin’ away, with the dim lights on.

And happy birthday to French actress Catherine Deneuve.

10/01/2025 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

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Oh no.

If the New York Yankees had won last night Karl Ravech was going to drive non-stop to Cooperstown and hand deliver the game footage to the Baseball Hall of Fame.

The Patriots are arguably the best 2-2 team in the AFC East.

Oh, I know how get-off-my-lawnish this may sound, but the fuss about a Super Bowl halftime show eludes me. Just give me a good marching band.

It took all of Europe’s best golfers playing out of their minds to just barely beat the scrappy US Ryder Cup squad. I hope they’re very proud for that.

Oh, you know, that old New England seaside tradition, “ringing the fog bell?”

Can you imagine Kendra Middleton eating fried dough at the Topsfield Fair? The zaniness would be off the charts! LOL

The Raiders let the Bears block the kick so no one would say Tom Brady’s classified intel helped them win.

Humiliating Mut is my favorite Barstool thing ever.

Watching the Wild Card game reminds me that the late Larry Johnson could not freehand draw the Yankees logo. At all.

Cakes are cooking for Julie Andrews, Rod Carew, Stephen Collins, Randy Quaid, Earl Slick, Larry Miller, Jeff Reardon, Leslie Burr-Howard, Theresa May, Martin Cooper, Michelle Bauer, Youssou N’dour, Elizabeth Dennehy, Esai Morales, Mark McGwire, Roberto Kelly, Cliff Ronning, Christopher Titus, Mike Pringle, Scot Young, Zach Galifianakis, Rudi Johnson, Johnny Oduya, Matt Cain, and Brie Larson.

Seth, Good luck on your Book. I wrote in my Book that the two most important positions in America are the President and the Quarterback.

I’m convinced the Sullivan Tire Guy is Greater Boston’s Jimmy Savile.

All Lynn Ferry service is cancelled for the remainder of today, October 1, due to rough seas

Tyreek Hill’s leg snapped easier than a three-year old’s arm. What?

Hey gang of stackers, this week’s Phrased that Pays is, “Mut just got cucked by Hogdale.”

That Ceddanne at bat against Weaver was one of the coolest things my eyes have ever seen. Like seeing a minotaur.

Fun Fact: ‘The Fog Belles’ was the name of the San Francisco 49ers first cheerleading squad.

How does a car race go to overtime?

Ravech acting like Judge playing right field on roller skates is making plays out there like he’s Willie Mays.

I’ll say it again: if you want to be a creator, don’t let brands exploit you. A massive food company just asked me to eat something so spicy it required a safety waiver and for zero pay. I’ve been doing this for 10 years and still get offers like this. No one will advocate for you but you. If a brand says, ‘no compensation, just community,’ the answer is NO. They don’t get to use your image for clicks and their gain for none of your own, because I promise they have the budget. The end.

Fire Country is at least an actual phrase. Sheriff Country makes no sense.

Red Sox Alumni News: Nice to see Francona bring the Reds to the playoffs. Ely De La Cruz is a fun player to watch. Rafi Devers played 163 games this season. Gary Allenson is still alive.

Cam has good rabbit-killing hands.

Zooey Deschanel looks completely different without bangs.

I’m jk I know this usually means a retirement tour or whatever but I have declared the Kings my punching bag of the year.

If you leave, don’t leave now
Please don’t take my heart away
Promise me just one more night
Then we’ll go our separate ways
We’ve always had time on our sides
Now it’s fading fast
Every second, every moment
We’ve got to, we’ve gotta make it last


I touch you once, I touch you twice
I won’t let go at any price
I need you now like I need you then
You always said we’d still be friends someday

I always knew Nick Sogard and Nate Eaton would be big for the Red Sox in the playoffs.

Honk if you remember ‘Memphis Seoul.’

Portland Heart of Pine playing on a field with both football and soccer markings is confusing.

Smokey Joe Wood? He was a problem.

Live is one of the few bands actually worse than Nirvana.

Happy trails, Al Horford. You will be missed.

I can’t name one Zac Bryan or Eric Church song, and I’m guessing neither can Gerry Callahan.

The Ryder Cup Envelope Rule?

Best bet for the weekend: early whiteout conditions in Buffalo. Check for Skyway closure announcements!

Douglas, Henry, & Diggs could get used to winning.

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Joe Giza, Old Friend  Hacksaw, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. Souma Yergon, Sou Nou Yergon. We are shakin’ the tree.

And happy Birthday to model and actress Cindy Margolis, the one-time ‘Most Downloaded Person in the world’

09/24/2025 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

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What are we doing here?

Oh, good the new 2004 Red Sox documentary has JFK and forced busing in it. I was scared they were going to leave those out.

Not sure if Coach Parcells should be purchasing green bananas when he goes to buy the groceries.

Jayson Tatum is now a spokesperson for Vertex Pharmaceuticals after using their new non-opioid pain drug, Journavx, following Achilles surgery. The FDA approved the drug earlier this year.

omfg it just dawned on me that we have a fantastic chance of getting a Lyss v Nai WNBA Finals, and if that wouldn’t be the best thing ever, I don’t even know what to say anymore.

Whenever there’s a Minihane live show, do the Minifans pick a Designated Survivor?

Red Sox are 5-2 now in minor league ballparks this season.

Jeff Hardy is aging in dog years.

Pats wore the throwback uniforms. Edelman rang the lighthouse bell; what more were they supposed to do?

Cakes are cooking for Joe Greene, Jerry Donahue, Gorgon Clapp, Emilio Castillo, Kristina Wayborn, Joseph P. Kennedy II, Hubie Brooks, Brad Bird, Kevin Sorbo, Allen Bestwick, Mike Phelan, Nia Vardalos, Rafael Palmeiro, Sean McNabb, Bernard Gilkey, Kevin Koslofski, Shawn Crahan, Megan Ward, Eddie George, Kyle Turley, Stephanie McMahon, Daniele Bennati, Drew Gooden, Ryan Briscoe, Paul Hamm, and Lisa Wang.

Alex Cora told the media Payton Tolle will pitch out of the bullpen for the remainder of the season.

2/3 of Irsay’s daughters… WOULD.

The homeless Athletics came into your house and beat YOU!

Fitchburg Line Diversion Reminder: Saturday, Sept. 27th & Sunday, Sept. 28th Red & Green Line subway service will replace regular Commuter Rail service between North Station and Porter. This allows for North Station Terminal Area Signal System Improvement work.

You HAVE to tag Jerry Thornton when you get a divorce. No way around it.

I have to wonder if Sal still would have created cancel culture all those years ago if he could have foreseen how it would eventually be used.

Bruins scoring goals in bunches, nice to see, even in preseason.

Tried to use AI to put together my fantasy football lineup for this weekend. Complete trash. Everyone’s jobs are safe.

‘I don’t want the bass loaded anymore?’ What an idiot Lou Meloni is. The term is ‘loaded diamond.’

Zolak’s pronunciation of “Steelers” isn’t triggering at all.

Hey mean and not for everyone gang, this week’s Phrase that Pays is, “It’s nothing scandalous, it’s just some broad on the internet.”

Wyomissing translates from the Lenape to ‘brook full of trull.’

I hope years of forced bicoastal living won’t place undue strain on Attorney Jackson’s marriage.

Dallas Braden seems like if Pat McAfee was in the Lumineers.

What if I don’t like Millwall? What then?

It’s almost like sportswriting attracts a disproportionate number of talentless losers.

Kirk Minihane might be retarded.

You’ve got “toss the egg yolk” money in this economy? Must be nice.

Walked into a strange cafe
No one there’s ever heard my name
Go to the bar, have a seat
Talk to that woman sittin’ next to me

She ask me in a voice so low,
She ask me if I come in here alone.
She ask me nicely, “Can I buy you a drink?”
You know I think she likes me, that’s what I think,
I think she likes me, that’s what I think.

Can someone who has covered the NFL longer than I explain why all nine Patriots-Steelers games from 1981 to 1995 were in Pittsburgh? Was there no rhyme or reason to NFL scheduling? Just going off vibes?

Kay Adams debuting the ‘bait for a gang initiation beatdown’ look is certainly a bold decision.

Kenny Anderson: wash cloth user.

Honk if you remember NASCL’s Enemies List.

I bet if they try even harder the media can make one more person care about the Tom Brady “conflict of interest” storyline.

Vocal fry in a male is very off-putting.

Whenever Donald Trump comes after one of Bill Simmons’ friends he stops talking about Belichick. So who’s to say whether him forcing ABC to cancel Jimmy Kimmel is a bad thing or not.

Also, I really wanna go 100% on this but…I can’t cancel Disney+…I just can’t. Marvel has a hold on me. Disney/Pixar movies have a hold on me. Shit, Hulu does somewhat too. And now with WWE moving their PLE’s there? Ugh. I’m sorry. I’m still 99% with everyone though!

It’s good to be on the good side of the crazy coworker.

Ramondre knows he has to be better!

Rub some dirt on it, David Fry. Walk it off. You’re okay.

Can you imagine Kendra Middleton going to the Big E? Hahahahaha zoinks!!

Best bet for the weekend: New England improves to 2-2.

Bruce Allen Jr, the indispensable founder of the Boston Sports Media Watch website. A good man, a kind man, a tall man. Taken from us too soon. He will be greatly missed.

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Joe Giza, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. Walk, Don’t Run.

And there’s some leftover cake in the break room from THE BUTCHIE’S birthday yesterday.

“Where are my blue cupcakes!?”

Don, it’s RAH SHERSHONNAH, so a SHONER TOVER to you and yours. And just so you know, the only state I’ll recognize is RED SOX NATION!

09/17/2025 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

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It always comes back to baseball, Danny. Robert Redford 1936-2025.

First The Whammer, then Bump Bailey, and now Mr. Roy Hobbs? 2025 is clearing out the cast of The Natural.

I have as many FBS wins as Notre Dame this season and I’m not in the AP Top 25.

Well, to the good, in a couple of weeks Mike McDaniel will be able to use his Breitling watch to tell time.

So the show about the entertainment industry cleaned up at the Emmys? That never happens.

Tom Brady. A 24-year journey from from Mo Lewis to Mo Atta.

After Borregales missed 2 xp’s Patriots fans were ready to check him for disqualifying tattoos.

Too soon to call Carles Gil a coach killer?

Cakes are cooking for Phil Jackson, Fee Waybill, Cassandra Peterson, Rita Rudner, Scott Simpson, John Franco, Steve Clifford, Ty Tabor, Baz Luhrmann, Paul Feig, Bryan Singer, Kyle Chandler, Anastacia, Mark Brunell, David Reid, Rasheed Wallace, Jimmie Johnson, Flo Rida, Danny Haren, Eugenia Volodina, Alex Ovechkin, Mason Raymond, and Patrick Mahomes II.

Pablo Torre may be a strange lil fella who’s more obsessed with Jordon Hudson than Coach Bill himself, but he does seem to have Steve Ballmer dead to rights.

Cool limp, bro.

I hope Mike Reiss is going to demand a personal apology from the nepo GM for drafting Ja’Lynn Polk.

Red Line: Delays of about 15 minutes due to police activity at Harvard.

‘Wake Up Barstool?’ That just makes one think of all the Barstool Rohypnol ‘n Foam parties back in the day.

If the Red Sox lose out they will finish 82-80. They were 81-81 last year.

Stefon Diggs and Cardi will definitely have to play zone and not man with all them kids.

You can say anything you like
But you can’t touch the merchandise
She’ll give you every penny’s worth
But it will cost you a dollar first

You can step outside your little world
(Step outside your world)
You can talk to a pretty girl
She’s everything you dream about…

(But don’t fall in love) She’s a beauty
(She’s one in a million girl) One in a million girl
(Why would I lie?) Why would I lie?

Congratulations to WNBA KIA Most Improved Player Award Winner Veronica Burton.

Another 2004 Red Sox documentary in the offing? Who asked for that?

And that goes double for Nana Gary Myers’ book.

I’m not saying you fiddled with the thermostat, but I didn’t set the heat at 55 degrees and the AC at 80.

Honk if you remember the Montrealer train.

I wonder if Pablo Torre is going to investigate the Saudi Flag Football League.

David Pastrnak will be limited in the first few days for training camp with an undisclosed injury.

Molly Qerim is a free agent.

Best bet for the weekend: Christian Gonzalez’s hamstring keeps him inactive vs Pittsburgh.

Perpetually skeptical as to CLNS. Charlie Kirk 1993-2025

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Joe Giza, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. Apple bottom jeans, boots with the fur, and things of that nature.

And Happy Birthday to British actress Ella Purnell.
I hope Fred isn’t listing his height as 6’1″ on Grindr.

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